I hope you guys liked the premiere. Jackson and I had you guys in mind. We made it for you, in fact. Ya see, we already knew what was gonna happen, but you guys didn't. So we animated it just for you!

Here's a little something hidden (almost completely) in our semi-hour teleplay. Enjoy the goofy, fake Stan Lee language, my beloved Astro-Cadets.

WE LOVE YOU!

How much of me can you take? Because here is your chance to test your tolerance!



Saturday, Feb 7
Venture Bros. Panel: 6:45 – 7:45PM Panel Room 3 (1A08-12)
Venture Bros. Signing: 7:45 – 8:45PM Panel Room 3 (1A08-12)
WEEP LIVE at Don Hills 10:00 - 511 Greenwich St. at Spring St. "RSVP"

One day! 3 times the Doc! I dare you to see what's it's like with that much me in your life! And I warn you... I spend way more time than that with me and it's excruciating. Seriously, it's like a nightmare being around me that much. But I think you might be just a little tougher than I am with "more me". Why? I'm a complete pansy...

I love you,
Doc

And the WEEP tour of career ending shit-dives begins!

I love you,
Doc Hammer

Jackson and I are insanely busy right now because of the wretched crossover. Fortunately, our crossover is not assisted by that charlatan, John Edward. No sir! Our crossover is when we are working on seasons three and four at the same time. Between the writing, editing, designing, and getting the perfect blend of tangy and sweet, we have no time to spare.

Not only was all our time picked from the line of swell dressed suitors by life's little Sadie Hawkins... We now lack the luxury of BOTH being away from the good ship Venture at the same time. I know! You are so used to us being bosom buddies and so much hail fellow well met. And we are! I mean, it's season four time and we still like each other. That's got to be a record of some sort. We are either true-blue-pals, or we know that if we get into a fight, our beloved show falls apart... But that isn't my point.

POINT: We both can't take like three or four days off to attend conventions together. Sure, we want to. And I know you want us to. Honestly, with the exception of cash or the promise of sexual congress, there is nothing better than being flanked by the Venture Brothers and getting your picture taken. And that sweet experience is only enforced when you proudly show your friends the picture and get to hear "Who's that guy?" and "Who's the pretentious dick in the sunglasses?"

So, as a solution, Jackson will Be attending the San Diego Comic Con, and I will be attending Atlanta's Dragon Con.

I know... Gyp!

I love you,
Doc

PS. Here is us at the NYC Comic Con. And yes, they edited out all the good parts where we talked exuberantly about nonsense. Zzzzzzz...

I can't believe that this was asked once... But it seems to be a problem. I mean, are people really confused by little things like this, or is it just the Season Three curse of "We are just waiting for you and Jackson to fuck up"? Either way, I can solve this little problem!

Q: In "The Buddy System", Why did Sergeant Hatred use regular time when before he used 24 hour military time?

A: He's reading a chart filled out by Dr. Venture. Hatred can read his own writing. So clearly, Rusty just got a little loose in the "Appropriate Times To Menace Dr. Venture" culumn. Anybody who ever got a prescription filled knows how sloppy a doctor of anything can get with penmanship. An 'A' could easily be read as fancy 'P'.

There! Done! Now stop waiting for us to mess up. We do it shamelessly in every episode!

I love you,
Doc

NOTE: The above used exclamation points do not indicate anger or annoyance. They are used to show my dandy-fine aplomb. Aplomb!
NOTE 2: Some of these questions are answered at adult swim dot commerce. Jackson and I do commentary on this episode. And yes I'm wearing sunglasses. I just woke up and I'm facing a sunny Jackson who has a sunnier window behind him.

There you go.

Doctor Girlfriend is not pregnant.

She'll be returning most of your shower gifts. (Keeping only the cash.)

Sorry for the inconvenience,
-Doc

Ahh, the "Featured Profile". You've seen it right there on your homepage. It usually blinks with the orange arrogance of a Free Ringtones GIF... Always baffling. The one I was treated to today was truly UN-FUCKING-REAL.

It seems mathematically implausible that a number of people could spend so much time and effort on a project and have it be 100% artless, and have not a toothpick of elegance. Shouldn't it at least have an accidental scrap of beauty in it? Seriously. I mean, I've seen dog shit left un-scooped on the roadside that at least had a pleasant sheen, or maybe a marbled amber patina. But this hot pile of waste is just ugly.

It's like a little boy's birthday party was left in a time vacuum. All the party guests aged in accordance to the natural law. Yet no other stimuli was provided, and the little boys became feral. Every meal was cake and ice cream. Every interaction was a frenzied game of "Duck, Duck, Goose". The frail boys who were forced to attend the "ever-party" by their well meaning mothers were ostracized with epic brutality. The popular boys fatted their meaningless self-importance on the flesh of the kid who just wanted to make origami swans. It was a daily bloodbath. Halo high scores were revered, and had actual meaning. And never. Not once. Not ever did a thought go beyond the needs of the fleshy now. Luxury was a god. Pure hedonism with clip-on-ties. "it's your day, Boo-boo" said the unseen, universal mommy. A vision of Hell.

Then the party... Ended. The doors, long since covered eight inches thick with "Pin The Tail On The Donkey" posters, were pried open. Outside, a driveway full of really old moms beeped their horns. "Let's go, Sweet-'ums!"

The guests, now in the real wold wondered "What do we do now?"

Their collective response was to make THIS

If it wasn't so insidiously ugly, it would have a chance at being funny. I mean, Neil Strauss, who looks like the adult Joey on the new Degrassi, maybe needs a fuzzy hat and guy-liner or something. He needs more "Mystery" in his life. It's sad that I can't properly laugh at this. But come on, it's like laughing at a joke about Elvis. It's exhausting in its tedium. There is nothing that connects me to this train wreck.

My greatest regret? I don't have enough pee in my bladder to properly soak Dave Navarro and Nikki Sixx.

I love you,
Doc

..
I'm back from my second Dragon Con. Yes, that's two. So, I can no longer act "too-cool-for-con". No more of the stumbling around wondering where Virgil is, so he may guide me through the lake of smoldering bodies (many dressed as Storm) to the safety of my hotel. I'm now an experienced Dragonconite. You can see it in my eyes. I'm a changed man. Some say I have a glow about me, and ask if I am pregnant.

Sadly, this time I rode the Dragon alone. There was no Jackson Publick to cradle my trembling minutia with his strong arms and whisper "What are you doing? Knock it off!" when I got overwhelmed. There was no no Jackson Publick to shoot me an observational joke, and thus make me feel like myself again. And there was no Jackson Publick to share my hotel room with... Okay, that was a plus. But that's still two out of three.

I took the train again. Why? Well it's my inner ear. It hates me. And for as much as it hates me, it hates going up and down (extra fast) even more. Luckily, I love taking the train across our fair continent. It has the 19th Century flair of taking your sweet-ass time to it. But here is the one thing that I have to grapple with every time I take a train and have my own little sleeper car: There is a toilet in your room. Handy? Well hell yes. But! You are constantly struggling with the question: "Is there a toilet in my bedroom, or am I sleeping in a bathroom?" It could go either way...

And now a brief and astoundingly uninformative rundown of my Dragon Con experience. Again, I leave out all the good parts, and bore you close to the edge of coma, with the aid of
..

..
This is day one. I mean, I've been there for like an hour, which is almost enough time to get myself properly caffeinated, and then WHAM, I'm Gnomed! During the "gnomeing", I'm informed that I am the only male he does this to. Should I be flattered or concerned that my unavoidable femininity is confusing the gnome?


..
At the first of two fucking amazingly unplanned panels, Dana (Master Shake, The Alchemist) Snyder and I gave out prizes to the momentarily deserving. Being that "The Venture Bros." generates no products with the exception of a calendar that I had no access to, Ken (VB Superfan and Master-Minder of Quickstopentertainment..com) Plume gave us a bag of unrelated nonsense to pass out. This quality Denise Austin workout DVD being among the high points.
NOTE: I ask you to notice that Dana's arm is a full 4 times larger than mine. Incidentally, any 13 year old girl's arm fully doubles the massive girth of my guns. I'm sorry I said "guns"... I should have said "steely pythons".


..
Alongside Ken's Mysterious Bag of Crap, I also handed out some posters of Dr. Girlfriend as a a sexy pinup girl. I drew them up (vector actually) myself, and even paid for the printing. Why? Well, you are now aware of the fact that we have no products, and it was also a form of VB love. Most celebrities (term used extra loosely) that attend Dragon Con charge like $20 for their 25 year old headshot and defacing signature. But that isn't the VB way! Jackson and I are the kind of douche bags that make our posters and give them away... It's called "love", deal with it.


..
I'm signing one of my posters here. Dude, honestly, that Gator Aid isn't mine. Ken left it on the table. No, seriously... He loves the stuff. I, on the other hand, love coffee. I love it romantically.


..
The now famous "Doc Doll" made an appearance (sans creator) and I here embrace it cautiously.
NOTE: The hair color is dead-on correct. And also note that even though this doll is devoid of mouth parts, I swear to fuck it bit me on the ear.


..
After my first panel... Yes, the panel where I requested a moment of silence for the audience to reflect upon all the wonders that encompass Jackson Publick... I was interviewed for some "pod-cast-thingy". As you listen to this, remember that I just got off the stage and was all kinds of confused. That should explain why I answer every question completely straight. But fear not! I did, once again, speak of my reproductive organs!


..
The next panel was on day two. I did a live commentary of "Escape to the House of Mummies Pt.2." Not sure how it went. You always feel like you are drowning on stage. I half expected the table in front of me to inflate into a raft. It didn't... I held my breath just in case.
NOTE: Not sure who was able to get this shot, but that's me right before I took the stage. I'm also not sure what I'm doing there. It looks as though I'm preparing myself to rock-the-house. Anybody that saw that panel can assure you I did no "house rocking". So I'm assuming that I was pretending to smoke. Ya know, one last imaginary cigarette before I go on and bomb.


..
I am wearing the inverse of the the previous day's outfit. Now I smartly don the red suit with black shirt. Ask me if anybody noticed that clever bit of fashion forward playfulness... Answer: no.
NOTE: Ken has a Gator Aid before him. Ha! Proof!


..
Here you see me giving the universal gesture for "linear thought". Sometimes this is confused with the "chopping" gesture, so popular in marshal oration. But with the "linear thought" hand, there is no downward motion. It simply connotes that what I am saying is bereft of bullshit. Whatever... Clearly, I gesticulate when I speak. I can't help it.


..
After the panel, the amazingly cool people who make up the mighty force that is "ProV" graciously let me sign and give away posters at their booth.
NOTE: When you sign crap at a table, somebody always gives you some object to hold while they photograph you. (Jackson and I spanked a stuffed monkey at Comic Con once.) I said I would hold (Pip, I believe) the hedgehog, if he allowed me to look away in disinterest. He did, so I did.


..
I also got to have my picture taken with things that weren't hedgehogs, and therefore had no need for feigned disinterest. Here a Triana (with the show approved crossbones & skull T-shirt) and I pose in front of Sally Impossible.
NOTE: I wore my sunglasses all through day 2. Why? The sleepless aftermath of day 1, that's why.


..
Day 3 was an Adult Swim panel that I attended but didn't join. I was getting flashbacks to the infamous Comic Con 06 panel. I didn't feel like being teased (by a grown up) for my hair choices again. Although I mysteriously craved a wedgie or a maybe a noogie...
NOTE: This was grabbed by a once Molotov while Dana and I were looking for the Adult Swim panel. It looks like I'm smiling, but I'm pretty sure I was simply talking to the photographer. I don't smile. Oh sure, I laugh... But I don't smile. Why? Well, look at me when I do. It's kinda Child Snatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang... Unsettling.


..
Here I pose with my displaced NYC pals. Chan took this picture. Apparently she thought we were posing for our new CD jacket, as that we look kinda like the hot-new-act all the kids are clamoring for. I personally think that I look like the singer who also plays rhythm guitar on one song, but keeps the guitar on the whole show.
NOTE: that "I see London, I see France..."


..
I went back to the ProV table to get my picture taken with the amazing DRD. She wanted to be in her Henching Costume when she posed with the frightening, tattooed, stick of a man.
NOTE: Here I am actually smiling. Or it's also possible that the photographer said "Okay, give me more Andrew Eldritch everybody!"


..
Lots of impressive Venture costumes this year. Here we see Brock (this guy does an amazing impression of Patrick Warburton, by the way) holding back the minions from beating down Dr. Venture's finger sass. And one of two unbelievable Grand Galactic Inquisitors.
NOTE: That's the laugh I told you about. I mean, the guy had a working speaker on that suit... It was hilarious.


..
Attack of the Molotovs! And yes, there are worse ways to go...
NOTE: Rebecca is officially a cosplay genius. Come on! That's Molotov staying at the Ventures in a V.I. bathrobe.


So there you have it! My Dragoncon 07 experience, with all the good parts left out...

I love you,
Doc

PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THIS POST IS ONLY FOR THE GOOD PEOPLE THAT HAVE PURCHASED THE VENTURE BROS. SEASON TWO DVD.
And I guess for anybody else that gives a shit.

..


One of the special features of the Season Two set is a tour of Astrobase Go. In it you learn all you ever wanted to know about Astrobase Go. Well, that is if you didn't want to know much more than how long it takes us to get to our studio. Oh what am I saying? "Deep Inside Astrobase Go" is one of the most exiting features ever to be dubbed "special". It was a phenomenal undertaking. A crew of no less than two hundred and fifty, highly paid professionals were rocketed to a moon orbiting space station to make this documentary. Many of them died of shock or lack of oxygen. Still others suffered from a dementia that space travel hands out like party favors. And believe me, it was all worth it. I'd kill them all again to make this most important Special Feature. I would stare in their eyes as I squeezed the last hiss of life from their neck if had to. Yes, it's that important. The people must know what makes the Astrobase so astro-special!



..

This amazingly telling still is one of my favorites. Beyond the noted objects, there is a TV tray that AS gave us as a christmas gift one year. A gift that beat the hell out of the goofy irony mirror and shake-up snow globe I got this year. There is a reproduction of the chalkboard from Glengarry Glen Ross. I also spy with my not-so little, but closely set eye, one of Kate's breasts, and Hazel's 24 doll.

1. Here we have the Magneto Helmet and the Hulk Hands from "Hate Floats". Jackson and I wear them to get in the Venture mood... The helmet is so huge on me that if I turn my head when I'm wearing it, only my head turns while the helmet magically stays stationary.
   
2. The Hugo Doll that Hank steals a goatee from. Featured in "Showdown at Cremation Creek Pt.1"
   
3. A model of Astrobase Go next to a blue screen. And no, it was not used for the scenes in the beginning of the piece. That was all real footage that was shot from the inside of a rocket. Really... No, it was.
   
4. The Trophy from "How to Animate Hank & Dean", a feature from Season One's not-so-special features. This is a callback. Ya know, continuity. Please don't think it's just crap lying around a filthy studio.

..

This still represents our "Information Station". For the most part, it's a bunch of books about dead painters.

1. This is the skirt that I give all my models who sit for a long format portrait. It is also the skirt that Jackson wears like a bib when he plays the Sovereign. The entire, horrific process is explained in the commentary for one of the episodes. I think it's one of the last two.
   
2. Here we have Doc Hammer's hammer. I use it for all my hammering needs. I also included a sexy picture of me to encourage you to love the hammer. It's an angry, Blue Steel kinda sexy.
   
3. My "Criswell Predicts" book. I don't care what you read on the internet about this lunatic's predictions being 80% accurate. The guy contradicts himself all over the place and makes insane, and psychologically telling predictions like: "I predict that Virginia will be the first state to recognize the domination of men by women under the matriarchal system of the 1980's. A 'white slavery' of men see its beginning in Virginia." Yep... It's a good read.
   
4. And here's the other half of last season's callback, The mannequin head. Yes! Totally planned!
   
5. A rolled up poster from the "Festival of Films". It's one of the huge ones. I'm not sure, but I think there are only three in existence. And Jackson and I have one of them each. I'm gonna frame it someday. I just don't have a place to hang it.

..

A still of me at my "Animation Alteration Station". It looks almost clean, right? Apparently a camera not only adds 10 pounds to you, it also tidies up a bit. Because let me tell you, this place looks five times more crappy in life, than it does in the video. I know... It's almost unfathomable.

1. Here is the human heart that jackson uses to help illustrate Soulbot's mechanical equal. It's usually in a bell-jar with a sign that says "The Origin of all Pain"... Made that little upbeat presentation myself.
   
2. Everybody's favorite, beyond homosexual, super hero. I think I'm working on his extended list that was featured as a deleted scene. It's not really a deleted scene, it's a new scene created from unused vocal takes. In a perfect world, Jackson and I would be paid to sit there and make lists of crazy for Col. Gentleman to shit out.
   
3. The Guild logo background. As a bonus gift to my readers, I offer you the option of making your home computer a little more Astrobase. 1024x768 or in the other popular size 800x600. My other set of backgrounds is not really appropriate for a tour group, what with it being topless women in front of the Astrobase logo. What!? Look, if you worked in this place you too would push the boundaries of taste and political correctness. I mean, it's one of the only perks of working in this ashtray.
   
4. Plastic Chewbacca doll. Jealous much?
   
5. The skull used in the show's title sequence and other promotional venues. You know, any venue that a skull is just the right touch. This being most venues of quality.

So there have it. The "Deep Inside, Deep Inside Astrobase Go!" I hope you enjoyed our time together as much as I did.

I love you,
Doc Hammer