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Don MacIver...Poetry; One Vision

Don MacIver


Last Updated: 11/14/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 51
Sign: Virgo

City: Victoria
State: British Columbia
Country: CA
Signup Date: 5/11/2007

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November 24, 2009 - Tuesday 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I envisage all of your reservations
    Idioms of intransigent banter
      Bend to thy conviction I bid thee
'fore thee lost thy ballast forever


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved
November 24, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
I often turn to the work of Thoreau and wanted to share this piece with you...

Conscience


Conscience is instinct bred in the house,
Feeling and Thinking propagate the sin
By an unnatural breeding in and in.
I say, Turn it out doors,
Into the moors.
I love a life whose plot is simple,
And does not thicken with every pimple,
A soul so sound no sickly conscience binds it,
That makes the universe no worse than 't finds it.
I love an earnest soul,
Whose mighty joy and sorrow
Are not drowned in a bowl,
And brought to life to-morrow;
That lives one tragedy,
And not seventy;
A conscience worth keeping;
Laughing not weeping;
A conscience wise and steady,
And forever ready;
Not changing with events,
Dealing in compliments;
A conscience exercised about
Large things, where one may doubt.
I love a soul not all of wood,
Predestinated to be good,
But true to the backbone
Unto itself alone,
And false to none;
Born to its own affairs,
Its own joys and own cares;
By whom the work which God begun
Is finished, and not undone;
Taken up where he left off,
Whether to worship or to scoff;
If not good, why then evil,
If not good god, good devil.
Goodness! you hypocrite, come out of that,
Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
I have no patience towards
Such conscientious cowards.
Give me simple laboring folk,
Who love their work,
Whose virtue is song
To cheer God along.

Henry David Thoreau
November 23, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  romantic
Category: Writing and Poetry


MyAstronomy onPhotobucket.com

Dawn draws my rise with intensity
As Morning Glory responds to sun
My gaze to you ever so fondly
In quietness you rest by my side

Silent, your dreams whisper tenderly
Of sweet moments that are yet to come
Let this day be but ours forever
And the nights echo our blessed heartsong

For all that has long come between us
Shall come to pass as night fades away
Hold me ever so close sweet angel
In your arms I will always remain

Reach out with conviction of your faith
That most sacred place within your soul
Where inner strength defines your being
And bathes your heart in content once more

In your arms I stand resurrected
By embracing whatever will be
Take my hand and save for tomorrow
All that could have been ours for today

Yesterday is but a memory
Filled with such heartache and frustration
As tumbleweed drifting aimlessly
Precious moments we lost to the wind

Souls for a lifetime joined together
Taking flight as though a shooting star
For all that I am and all you'll be
Loving each other forever more


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved

November 21, 2009 - Saturday 

Current mood:  pensive
Category: Writing and Poetry
Your eyes glaze over in idle curiosity
A benal silence washing over your voice
In this moment pain and anguish reigns
A heart that slows after timeless beats
Thoughts that wander impatiently
Between now and nowhere searching
Tears that burn as ducts run dry
Diffusing anger of what could have been
Little ones lost that never grew up
What I'd give to make it go away
The tidal ambivalence, nothing gained
Does a day fall so heavily into the night
Without sunshine nor stars would you see
In your autumn your hand now unsteady
Your walk without purpose and stilted
Jaded by losses with time you forsake
Accepting what life so unkindly unfolds
Unlikely reason, untimely reprieve
Rest well upon nightfall, divine is your grace
For the change of seasons fills your dreams
Embrace with dignity whatever must be
The night is still yours, the dawn of days


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved
November 18, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Life
Yesterday left another scar on the family tree. The bark of this blessed monument of familial structure continues to bleed through open wounds as members of our family fall in anticipated succession as leaves of colour in autumnal decay and release.

My dad had recent occasion to be assessed by a geriatric specialist on the recommendation of our mutual physician. Dad has evidenced increasing symptoms of dementia and yesterday marked the hour of summation by the specialist during a follow-up visit to discuss results of the assessment. After sundry pleasantries the doctor's opening question to me in lowered voice was "may I be frank with your dad about his assessment results?"  Hearing those words was inevitable and though expected on this occasion every syllable still hung heavy in the air and cut deep into my heart and soul.

And so it was that in the doctor's learned and careful fashion he gently broke the news to my dad that his memory issues were a manifestation of the onset of dementia. Dad has always taken medical news in a dignified manner, this case being no exception. For the first time on this subject he and I spoke openly about where we needed to go from here. We had already started to look at retirement residences in the region, including the residence that I manage (and reside at) and this doctor's visit only served to confirm our nervous anticipation of what the future held for dad.

A new medication was prescribed for dad that hopefully will help to slow the progression of the dementia, the gods willing. After a long succession of mental illness on my mother's side of the family one would have (reasonably?) expected some relief from this kind of misery yet it is not to be it seems. And so dad enters into a new phase of his life with an undoubtedly confusing and frustrating culmination in his days ahead.

Still, as did mom before him, dad took this news with dignity and a clinical perspective, calculated, perhaps feared yet accepted some time before this meeting of the minds as it were. When a person has been held to high regard, has commanded respect and embraced exceptionally strong resolve and ambition throughout the course of his life it seems a terribly bitter pill to swallow. Despite the awkward and anxious moments absorbing this news which effectively altered the outlook of his remaining time with us in a matter of thirty minutes of conversation, dad calmly stood up, thanked the doctor for his time and deliberate articulation of dad's state of decline, shook the good doctor's hand and bid him goodbye until we meet again in about eight months time for a routine follow-up, and off we went to meet the new world before him.

As we walked back to the car, fairly shoulder to shoulder against a chilling wind, the brief and hurried stroll to the parkade was awkwardly silent between us. I spoke first by extending an invitation for dad to come over and relax with us at our place, have a glass of wine or two, and let the future pause for just a few hours. Dad graciously accepted this welcome company and on the drive back home spoke candidly yet hopeful of his days ahead. 

Upon arrival back to this, dad's eventual home, I suggested we go take a look at a couple of available suites. Dad was pleasantly surprised and positive about the suites and found them much to his liking. This residence is strictly for those capable of independent living and so, at least for a time dad can live a life of luxury and security, with his children close at hand yet comfortably distant, until such time as other options must be considered.

For all that dad may come to know in the days ahead, as his son, power of attorney and eventual executor, I will ensure that his remaining time with us is lived with all the dignity and respect that he has known his life long. For ourselves, his children, this seems but one more nail in yet another coffin, a continuation of what has befallen this family again and again, yet life demands that we carry on in good faith through good and bad. Though tears may fall from disheartened eyes, though the skies grow darkened and shower heavy tears of its own, though what lies ahead is surely unclear, we embrace the dignity and resolve that dad has embraced through all his years...for all that he desires...and deserves.

Stay happy dad. Live long and in comfort. With love always,

Your son.
November 10, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  content
Category: Life
My wife and I spent the weekend with her mother. The scene was the wonderful seaside home she resides in with her son and his wife. The coastal splendour there is much like our own, just more remote and right on the ocean. A pleasant three-hour drive and a ninety minute ferry ride across the straight, this is a place of family, a step away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, the stresses, the anxieties, the frustrations.

We visit Andrea's mom, and brother and his wife, as often as time and resources permit. This trip was strictly time well spent with mom-in-law, a person by the way whose sole purpose in life seems to be to ensure the happiness of her family and friends. She is getting on in years and has suffered a heart ailment that technically had her flat-lining on a ferry of all places. By the graces of higher powers there just happened to be an ambulance aboard and the paramedics were able to revive her before it was too late.

Fast forward a year and she has had surgery on her leg for removal of growths. She has battled cancer in past and we pray this is not a recurring nightmare. When we're together I watch and listen with fascination how she and my wife converse, how they visit each other's lives with a true and unfettered perspective, how they love each other simply for who they are and what they mean to each other.

Now there is a reality check for me. I had a wonderful relationship with my own mother, who, rest her beloved soul, was the single most important person in my life. There was nothing she would not do for her children, her husband, her family. Somehow I always felt like I came up short for her...and the rest of my family.

We build up great expectations of what we think each other should be. We demand that they conform to our perception of what they should say and feel and do. But in the end it all comes down to emotions that play out as each day, each hour, each moment unfolds. We are bothered by the simplest of things, perhaps feeling it all to be ok because, after all, we are family. And then those most important to you die and all that is left is guilt and self-confessional examinations that end up in the waste basket along with teared-up tissue soiled with regrets and confusion.

Anyway, I digress. And so it was that I spent the weekend with a woman who came into my life by marriage, mother of my wife and life partner, one who many jokingly suggest I should avoid with all caution (generalizations about mothers-in-law that is) yet a kindly person who never ceases to amaze me. As with my own mother previously I find myself feeling like I have not measured up, not done enough, not said enough for this person to truly know and understand what I am all about and what I feel for her.

I ran a shopping errand the second day of our visit to pick up a set of jumper cables to keep in the car for an eventuality, especially with winter coming on. Dad's car back home sits idle as he recently lost his driver's license and a boost for his dead battery will be the first task to be performed by this shining new set of cables.

While out on this shopping excursion I had a notion...high time I bought mom-in-law some flowers. I stopped in at a florist to browse. As the store own reflected there had been a rash of customer purchases during the week, several for large funerals, and there was therefore not much left on the shelves. She apologized for the depleted stock and assured me she would do whatever she could to make my purchase worthwhile. I acknowledged with appreciation and continued to browse.

My initial intent was to choose a nice display of flowers, something seasonal yet with a touch of the different that would say "I actually put some real earnest thought into this gift". A table of assorted items of interest strategically placed very near the storefront caught my eye right away. There were numerous items that immediately attracted my attention yet something was missing so I kept on browsing.

Round the store I ambled, pausing briefly as I progressed through the store, carefully weighing the merits of each item on display. This florist was rich with unique items that went well beyond just flowers and pretty gift wraps, ribbons and bows. I felt a renewed sense of mission the further I delved into the shop's wares, the store proprietor staying discreetly and politely distant enough as not to be bothersome nor too aggressive on the sale. Her probing questions drawing out hints of my quest, she pointed out some wonderfully imaginative and skilfully crafted pieces that she thought suited my "impromptu" visit and the recipient of my affections on this cool, damp day.

Still I browsed further. Flowers are beautiful and always well-received yet they wither in a matter of days. I wanted something of permanence that could be kept for years to come, that would always remind her of me, of my thoughts on this day. And there it was...perched on a shelf just below eye level, a soft knitted teddy bear in a light tan colour with patchwork quilting on its paws and outstretched arms. Ok, now I'm onto something here. You know you're on the right track when you get that warm and fuzzy feeling, that quiet excitement that says "yes, she will love this and cherish it always"...or will she?

This cute little fuzzy bear was nestled in a round woven basket that had a near-matching quilt work about its inner lining. Mom could either keep the teddy in the basket or separate the two and place items of keepsake within the basket and prop the teddy bear in a special place of choosing. Along came the store owner, her curiosity peaked now that I have paused longer than a few seconds to peruse an item on display. "Have you found something you like?" she asked with kindly enthusiasm. I pointed out the teddy and its resting place in the basket. I looked up to check out her reaction just in time to see a beaming smile. "Well I think your mother-in-law will be ecstatic when she sees this, especially if it is totally unexpected" she said smiling from ear to ear. My work was done here.

So off to the counter we went. While she rang up the bill I asked her to add a nice bright frilly ribbon to tie around teddy's neck. I filled out a small note card that said "Jacqui, just because" and the excited shop owner pinned the note to teddy's ribbon.

I arrived back at the house twenty minutes later to find my wife and her unsuspecting mom seated in front of the widescreen television set watching one of their favourite shows. My wife eyes the basket and its content anxiously, no doubt anticipating I had been out shopping for her. A faint smile crossed her lips as I lowered the gift into her mom's lap to Jacqui's astonishment. Tears welled up in her eyes as she asked bewildered what it was for. I replied "the little card attached to teddy explains why". She read aloud "just because" and thanked me as though I had delivered something so precious that words just wouldn't come. She hurriedly decided on a place to display her newly acquired treasure...high upon a shelf in the livingroom where she could see it as often as desired from the comfort of her favourite chair.

...and so it was. I really didn't know what to expect in reaction to this small gift. It was just meant to convey what I felt in a way that I felt most comfortable. The teddy and basket did not cost a whole lot, were not over-sized nor over-stated yet the meaning they held for her was obvious. I suggested teddy could be her guardian bear that could watch over her in our absence.

Earlier in the afternoon while out shopping I thought I might stop in at the wine store for a bottle or two but something told me to go to the florist and bring home something special instead. This visit was all about Jacqui and for some reason I felt compelled to make the visit mean a little more than just another family visit.

And for all that...I'm so glad I changed direction and headed for the florist. Some things in life are just more important.
November 5, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life
As I move firmly into life in one's early fifties I am realizing that personal milestones have come and gone, birthdays have long ago lost their luster, I can now count singular hairs on the crown of my forehead and waking up (and rising) each day has taken on a whole new meaning, a quiet celebration of sorts.

Each day I rise to the notion that there are new possibilities, new challenges, the unknown that brings on anxious moments and ambitions for the day swirling around in my noggin that beg my attention. A few coffees into the day I regain focus and launch full-throttle on a mission to accomplish much and disappoint few. I will leave no stone unturned in an effort to make the lives of people I serve just that much better than it was yesterday.

Most of us develop a sense of raison d'etre, or reason for being or existence. We would like to think that there is importance in what we do and dwell long on the thought that just once in a while there is recognition and thanks for our painstaking efforts to serve and please...and yes, from time to time we are fortunate to receive thanks for all we say or do.

I have dedicated a career to the profession of property management and administration and over the past thirty-five years or so I have met with the good, the bad and the ugly. Human beings come in all shapes, sizes and makeup and much of my career has been spent dealing with mostly the negative side of people although there have been most rewarding moments along the way.

More recently I have chosen a somewhat different direction insofar as the type of property I am managing which currently involves a seniors residential property. It has become much more of a personal approach to property management than I have ever encountered before. Here, the human element is much more succinct, much more evident and clearly of much greater importance than I have previously encountered. In this instance the people clearly come first. While astute administrative focus is critical there is much more of a human element that comes into play than I had imagined necessary or probable from the outset.

And so it is that I go through my professional day sharing so many wonderful moments with people living their retirement years in various stages of health, happiness and focus on life and all that it means today...and what it has meant over a lifetime. This field of work has its inherent challenges. I find myself constantly battling with attachment vs. professional detachment. After all, in this living environment one of the saddest aspects of my relationship with the residents is gradually losing them to failed health...or worse.

And when these dear people pass on it is life itself that cuts clear through to the bone and in its path shredding a heart stilled in momentary silence for the loss of a dear friend, the pain of their loved ones and friends who mutually reside here. I am an on-site manager, co-managing the property with my wife and another manager couple. We are faced with decisions daily that do not always coincide with our clients' expectations or perceptions of how their place of residence should operate. Living this close to all these wonderful people is a miracle and a curse all wrapped up into one neat little bundle.

To spend a half hour of friendly chat with a resident brings out a history of their lifetime that is nothing short of amazing, inspiring, and in some cases most saddening. Some have lived through the first world war, been held captive by the German SS in death camps where they somehow by the grace of a greater being managed to flee to eventual safety and freedom that they were not destined to realize again. They have deep, deep scars that haunt them decades later. They look upon other human beings with suspicion, disdain, upset and disinterest...and yet others with affection. For them, life cuts like a knife to their very core of existence. 

And so it is that a couple of generations later, fast forward to my own life and all its surroundings today. I too find that at times life has cut through me life a razor-sharp knife, paling in comparison to what so many of these people I have come to know have gone through, yet troubling for me in my own right. Illness and premature death has plagued my family for all my years, something many of us know and live through.

And so it goes that now, as I move forward into a period of no small significance in my own life that I have gone through losses of my own. My mother was ravaged by Alzheimer's Disease for six horribly long and painful years before she succumbed to its ill effects. And now it is that my father has lost much ground with his own health failing, physically and now mentally. We live each day as a precious gift not sure what tomorrow will bring or how heavy life's proverbial knife will wield, cut with ugly precision and take away, piece by wretched piece, from our existence.

To see a parent become more and more dependent is not only deeply hurtful for their child, it is truly bewildering. Their gradual physical and cognitive losses become a cumulative nightmare to cope with. Life management becomes a heavy burden demanding more of one's attention that one can conceivably afford. Life becomes more and more about wins and losses, chances and victories...and defeats.

We are truly blessed with all that life has to offer and it is surely never to be squandered, yet we do. Each passing day brings longing for yesteryear when hours and days and months were carefree, relatively speaking, and tomorrows were something of eager anticipation. I still long for tomorrow, still believing a new day will be better than today or yesterday. I still have hopes and dreams. I still love and want to be loved. Life is still wonderful in many ways...yet, man it does cut like a knife.

Here's to a better tomorrow.


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved
November 3, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  enlightened
Category: Writing and Poetry



Photo by giddybear21 at Photobucket.com

As tiered as in lyrical verse
Thoughts linger in layered repose
Recessed in memory shaped as
A Bonsai painstakingly pruned
Intrinsic limbs of solitude
Hang lazily in altered state
Buoyant transitions of stratum
Void of cognitive dissonance
Photographed images shaping
A lifetime of moments we shared
Eclipsed by a passing notion
Draped in a moonlight serenade
We gaze with longing wonderment
Through the eyes of a layered soul
Our destiny shadowed mirrors
Prophesy of things before us
Stepping stones pattern our journey
A heartsong forever embraced


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved


Currently listening:
Dream Of A Child
By Burton Cummings
Release date: 1999-09-21
October 30, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
You said you would never leave me
But now I have to let you go
Here for much more than a lifetime
Your eternal heart and soul flows

Memories through the ages shall pass
Long after all the sad goodbyes
The tears I shed in agony
All the sweet songs and lullabyes

Live this never-ending journey
Through life and through death evermore
Blessed by a kindly existence
Move forward as never before

Cherished each moment you gave me
The memories shall ever be clear
The love and gentle words spoken
All things that you ever endeared

For all who have passed before us
In our hearts you will always be
The song and the life and spirit
Essence of immortality


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved
Currently listening:
Immortality (4 Tracks)
By Celine Dion
Release date: 2001-02-01
October 26, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:creepy
Category: Writing and Poetry


Photo from Photobucket.com

Awakened


This late fall afternoon was quickly embracing darkness. A chilling air set in 
with a dampness that ebbed through my skin, clinging to bones begging for 
cover. I had not bothered to grab a sweater as I hastily made my exit from the 
house, mom calling out for me not to get home too late.

My feet were peddling faster now, my bike tires whirring along the gravel lane 
spitting stones up between the spokes and skittering sideways to the damp 
tall grasses in the ditch alongside the road. Tree toads chirruped in a discordant 
blend of angered undertones as I flew past them anxious to reach our driveway 
before total blackness of night engulfed me.

The eerie distant cry of a lone coyote jarred my nerves and I peddled even 
faster now. Sweat trickled down my back and my shirt was now cold with the 
dampness of my exertions. My breath fell short, winded by the pace and my 
heart raced in a hurried rythmic beat, an escalation of nervous tension as my 
eyes darted from side to side. Seeing nothing of menace I felt a sense of 
assurance that I was alone yet a tingling sensation mounted on the back of my 
neck...creepy like someone or something was watching.

Damn, why didn't I fix the bike light, a five minute job that could have made 
this run so much easier. May have to get off and walk the last mile or so. Too 
damn slow to walk. Don't like this gnawing feeling in my gut that tells me I 
shouldn't be out here so late. Mom will kill me, damn it all to hell. A car 
rambled past way too close for comfort. My front tire hit the shoulder and I 
fought the handle bars for control. Swerving back onto the lane proper I kicked 
hard on the peddles again.

On the last turn now onto our street. Being out in the country there were few 
streetlights, mostly at intersections. For a few seconds that spillage of light 
down through a building fog was momentary comfort, then fade to black. My 
hands were getting numb with cold and I gripped the handle bars tighter than 
ever. Every few minutes I'd blow warm air into my palms to ease the pain of 
night's chill.

Coming up on the Forest Lawn cemetary. God, I hate those places. Why the 
hell can't people all just get cremated like Uncle George and grandpa did? Went 
to a funeral a year or so back for a neighbor's boy who got hit by a car. God, 
how messed up his family and friends were. I remember the cars lined up for 
miles, sitting silent with engines off while the police worked the scene. Yellow 
tape had been stretched across the road, wrapped unceremoniously around a 
couple of trees to halt passers by until the body was removed and evidence of 
the deadly mishap had been photographed and reports taken from shaken 
witnesses. I could still picture that dark patch of dried blood stain marking his 
last moments. He was only ten...shit.

As I approached the cemetary I wanted to peddle even faster though something 
made me slow up. I could hear something, no, someone...calling, calling faintly. 
I couldn't make out the words. Clutched the brakes hard now and skidded to a 
halt, my breath exhaling nearly as fast as my pounding heartbeat. Sweat 
running down my brow, streaking down burning cheeks, I sat dead still on the 
seat of the bike.

For a few moments nothing but silence save the mournful cry of that damn 
coyote still lurking somewhere out in the darkness high upon the rock-strewn 
hill of Sawyer's Valley. Rustling, I hear something rustling out of sight in the 
cemetary. What the hell? "Who's there" I called out. No response. "Who's 
there" I repeated even louder. My heart was pounding so hard I thought I'd 
pass out.

Again the voice. Still too damn faint to hear clearly. It was a boy, a young boy I 
think. A frail, soft, scared voice. Was he calling for help? "Are you ok" I 
responded. Still no reply. I gently lowered the bike onto the grassy driveway 
leading into the burial grounds before me. Too quiet. God, I should just go. Half 
turning to hightail out of there, again, the boyish cry...for help, this time I 
clearly heard his begging cry for help. I can't leave, can't ignore a child in 
trouble.

Something skittered across the top of my shoe. Jeezuz, can't stand this. Heart 
racing like a 350 four-barrel. Breath came heavy again as I inched closer to the 
boy's face. Can't see a damn thing except the silhouettes of leaning headstones 
and a half-moon partially shrouded by darkened clouds drifting by. Again that 
goddamn coyote howling. My skin crawled. I could taste the salty sweat now 
lingering on my upper lip. Soaked, frigid cold and now shaking I moved back 
towards the boy's voice..."don't leave, please don't leave, help me, please help 
me." "Are you ok, what's the matter?" I called out. Still now response. Why 
doesn't he answer me?

The breeze picked up now, dry leaves carried across my feet, some swatting my 
knees and thighs as they whipped past in a whirling frenzy. Now laughter, a 
faint but definite laughter...cold, chilling, sick bastard laughing. I should go, 
shit. "Who's there?" I called out, so scared now my voice was raspy. Nothing. 
"Who the hell's there" I shrieked in a now petrified stammer. My pace 
quickened. "Where are you kid, tell me where you are." "Over here, came that 
pathetic little voice, still a dozen yards ahead, still out of sight.

I could smell burning now, something, something...not wood, not leaves, not 
anything I'd ever smelled before. Stumbling over tree roots humped up above 
the ground like gnarly fingers, I tripped and fell. I glanced back to see the roots 
moving, rising as a hand pulled from dense brush. Red ooze dripped from the 
roots, now turning my way. The boy, he's screaming now, sounds terrified and 
in terrible pain like he's being tortured. "I'm coming" I wailed as I scrambled 
back to my feet. Cursing the darkness and increasing movement that 
surrounded, I plunged forward.

Screaming, horrible, terrified screaming. My hands extended forward to guard 
against unseen tree limbs or other hazards that might bring me to harm's way. 
Over a knoll I nearly fell face first to the ground. Staggering to keep my 
balance I looked up toward a bright glaring light ahead. A fire, it was a raging 
fire. There was the boy, screaming again. He saw me, a pleading look in his 
face. "Make him stop it, make him stop" he sobbed.

My gaze moved next to the boy. There stood what I think was a man, his face 
cloaked in a hooded jacket, a hand fixed on the little boy's shoulder to hold him 
down. The hand was bloodied and bony, flesh seemingly falling from his limb as 
a rotting timber shrinking down into red hot ambers of a fire. He threw his 
head back to expose a skeleton-like face, eyes the only remaining semblance of 
flesh, staring back at me in a scarified frenzy, a crazed and demented look. 
Laughter escaped his chattering teeth and blood spewed from his mouth in 
projectile froth. A tooth or two flew out of with the vomit that followed.
The boy screamed helplessly again as I stood frozen in the panic of the 
moment, terrified myself and grappling for what I should do next. The ghoulish 
puke then shoved the boy closer to the flames, his little leg sliding, 
uncontrolled, onto the buring hot ambers. The boy's shrill screeching was bone 
chilling. Petrified, I felt my own bile rising in my throat. It seeped out of my 
mouth as I slumped forward to gag all that remained in my stomach to the 
damp leaves about my feet. More horrific screaming.

My mind raced. What the hell should I do? A shovel, I can see a shovel. If I go 
for it then what? I'll be dead as the boy being laid upon the flames as a 
sacrificial lamb, burning alive. I could smell that smell again, so sickening. It 
was the boy's flesh, charred and peeling as his screams became unbearably sad 
and shrill. The ground moved beneath my feet. My eyes darted every which 
way. Bony hands, bony hands coming up through the ground. What the hell? 
Again I threw up bile, the taste in my mouth wretched.

I lunged forward, my hand grabbing the shovel, slick from the night dew. In a 
single action I leaped at the monster that was roasting this helpless little child 
to death, laughter ebbing from his near-toothless pie hole. His eyes seared with 
madness as he tried to avoid the sharp shovel veering toward his skinless face. 
He screamed a gutteral drawl as the fore-edge of the shovel slashed against his 
skeletal face. What few fragments of teeth remained in that lifeless skull flew 
out along with chunks of bone. The child rolled sideways out of harm's way as I 
slashed in frantic abandon. Again I struck, this time the blunt back end of the 
shovel pounding hard again a crumbling skull.

Muffled cries of agony emitted from the ghoul's fractured skull as his knees 
buckled and he fell backwards, hands flailing to maintain balance, desparate 
clawing attempts to ward off his overpowering assailant. Blood sprayed from his 
body like it was spewing from a pressure hose. Any eyeball dropped to the 
ground and rolled near my feet, seemingly peering at me in futile anger. 
Through the chill of the night steam rose from the corpse-like body. I froze, my 
eyes darting between the now lifeless body and the wimpering little boy 
hovering near the fire for wamth.

Bloodied hands and arms were now lowering in cowered retreat back into the 
earth as worms slithering back down into the darkness. I edged closer to see if 
the wretched ghoul was breathing. His bloodied torso lay motionless, no breath 
emanating from his skinless mouth. I nudged him with my foot. Nothing. I 
moved between him and the boy, just to be sure. SCREAAAAAAAAAAM cackled 
the ghoul as he lurched upward to a sitting position, his clawed digits again 
reaching to grab me. I lunged back, so startled my heart nearly stopped while 
once again the little boy shreaked in terror. With the shovel I dug a heaping 
pile of burning ambers from the fire and flung them vicariously all over the 
ghoul. Screaming and flailing he swatted burning chips from his lap and 
chest. Again I flung another heavy pile of molten ambers, this time directly at 
his upper chest and skeletal face. His body ignited in a hideous glow of 
flickering flames licking at his near fleshless body. The stench, oh my God the 
stench.

More blood and bile spewed from the ghoul's tortured frame as he slowly 
slumped back down motionless on the ground. I plunged the shovel hard into 
his chest, ribcage crushing and snapping, seemingly dry and void of life. 
Another muffled shrill escaped his bile-spattered chin. The sharp end of the 
shovel came out the far side, through a back that was aflame as kindling 
charging a newly stoked fire. Nothing but stench now. His hands lay in twisted 
failure of awkward broken angles, testament to his hideous demise.

My attentions now on the boy. Tears streamed down his face as I lowered my 
body to him, drained of all energy. Careful glances assured me his captor had 
expired. A drifting wind shifted, bring the stench back in our direction. We both 
seemed to hold our breath till the sickening odour passed us by. The boy 
sobbed, a relieved sob that echoed through the wood of the surrounding 
pathways that lead about the head stones in a pleasant labyrinth where etched 
remembrances told of centuries of precious life now laid to rest.

I wiped the tears from the little boy's cheeks. He calmed now, looking up at me 
with reassured eyes, his breath rested, the fear now dissipated. He looked 
down at my arms and pant-legs, bloodied from the thrashing I took coming to 
his aid. "You're cut bad" he said, now more afraid for me. "Naw" I retorted. 
"Only a few scratches. Come on, let's get outta here and get you home. What's 
your name bud?" "Billy" he replied with a faint smile. "He awakened" Billy said 
as he glanced back at the steaming pile of gruesome ghoul that had met his 
fate this dark and chilling night.

"He sleeps now, Billy. He sleeps. Won't wake up either" I said with exhausted 
abandon. My breath now returning to normal as the fire ambers dimmed. "Let's 
get out of here. This place gives me the creeps." Again, the mournful howl of the distant coyote.


copyright Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved  
October 25, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:  romantic
Category: Writing and Poetry


Photo from Photobucket.com

Dreams' passage seemed an eternity
A landscape of your divine favour
Images traced in obscurity
An enchantment, archipelago

Passions meander as Merganser
Adrift on a channel of Venice
Abridging uncharted destinies
Confluence of two hearts enraptured

Our whispers of tender moments as
Lovers explore Piazza San Marco
Where mute swans pair in elegant dance
Upon sunbathed waters eternal

Stars flicker in moonlit seranade
Your heartsong romancing teardrop eyes
Night's gentle breeze soft and alluring
As distant strokes of a mandolin

For you are the chosen, I bequeath
To walk as though immortality
As angel's wings will carry us to
Still moments of resplendent grandeur

Disrobed of intention I forsake
As swift, the night shall come to pass
That I bid you any malcontent
Nor a vessel of seeming burden

Conjoined we partake of destiny
As one, as the chosen, willingly
O'er a bridge spanning moments flowing
In perpetual simplicity

Let our kiss forever emulate
Our affections lo our newfound love
Embraced for all it was meant to be
In our hearts, in our mind, in our soul


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved

October 22, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  morose
Category: Writing and Poetry


Photo from Photobucket.com

The onset of dementia is a critical progression of cognitive challenges that are frustrating and debilitating. Dementia and Alzheimer's Disease has been prevalent in my family. Perhaps our genetic makeup is such that we are sharing a systemic and ravaging illness that will eventually take each one of us (our family) beyond a point of reckoning, beyond sensible awareness, beyond the capability to understand what it is that is tearing us down.

--

Here, I write this piece in the first person, one who has been afflicted by dementia, in an attempt to help others understand what dementia does to a person as it runs its course. I pray that I will never know what so many of my family have come to know of this illness...yet I fear that someday I too will succumb.

----------------------------------------------


So damn restless, this constant shifting

Tossing and turning, sleep evading

Insidious tension engulfs me

The voices beside me confusing

Time dragging endless as the dark night

Yet the clock tells differing stories

Numbers, they will change but are constant

The second hand sweeping eternally

Goddamn, I can't bare this long silence

So tired…just sleep…so damn tired

With jarring consternation I rise

Half blinded by brilliance of morn’s light

Shut the blinds, shut the blinds…hurry up

Was that the phone? Hello, who’s calling?

No-one’s there, someone’s playing their games

Did it ring, damn it, I know it rang

--

My eyes so heavy, just want to sleep

The bathtub begs my linger to soak

Bubbles and steam, soap in tiny swirls

Stinging, I ease down, is it too deep?

Drops from the spout leave concentric rings

Growing wider, ever wider save

Those breaking upon my skin as waves

With silent crash as a surging sea

Laying back sudsy water by chin

Soothing aching muscles in spasm

The shower head looms, a silent snake

Coiled in readiness…just a shower

Now rising, water cascades to floor

Where’s my towel, oh God, my towel

Why am I crying, what’s the matter

Sobbing, I can’t even remember

--

Call the kids, hurry, what’s the number

Can’t even find the goddamn phone book

Tears falling from bloodshot eyes so red

Miserable wretch, what’s wrong with me

I’m worried, so worried, get my pills

Need water, can’t swallow them…so dry

Now to eat, what ever should I eat

Toast, I can do this, in the toaster

Seemingly seconds pass, then the smoke

That wailing alarm, make the thing stop

Sit down and calm yourself, easy now

Chewing, each grinding sound aggravates

Hunger now passing, maybe I’ll read

Where’s my book, I see it on the floor

I don’t remember this chapter, no

The bookmark is here but unfamiliar

--

This sickening confusion must stop

What in hell has gotten over me?

My pills, did I take my morning pills?

So simple, I just can’t remember

As I stare out the window searching

Who are these people, do they live here?

And of my lost baby, died long ago

Are you safe, can you hear me sweetheart?

Where have you gone, you were just right here

Your soft gentle whispers bring on tears

That flow as the river in spring thaw

Your precious face in reflection there

I can still feel you set upon my knee

Little baby, you left me so soon

Perhaps I should leave this place and time

To be at your side for eternity

--

And my bride for all those many years

So delicate and fair was your skin

Your smile, oh God, so beautiful

Where are you now my precious dear?

I need of you now to take my hand

To walk, to run, and just one more dance

To sit by your side, to hear that voice

That so long ago made things so right

Try as I might the tears will still fall

As I fight to keep your memory

Close to my heart long as I can

So lonely I sit day after day

Your pillow still rests beside my own

Where it will for always, I promise

My gaze diverted past window sill

Where the children play, always laughing

--

Now the tears they will fall once again

Lamenting what I was…but can’t be



Copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved

October 16, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  betrayed
Many of us have relationships that we would sooner forget. Our hearts were in the right place and it started out feeling so right yet turned out to be so terribly wrong. We all have our own perspective of what a relationship should be and as much as we want a union with another to work well and last a lifetime it simply is not meant to be. 

And so it was on this previous occasion that I saw blindly through eyes so naive. How could I have been so reckless to allow myself to get into such a precarious and hopeless situation...once again my heart got burned.



Photo from Photobucket.com

An arid desert canyon staged
Our place of union, juxtaposed
Awkward words and glances questioned
Destined journey, feigned misgivings
Safety in numbers, background noise
Our intent surrounded, silent
Eyes searching for cues unspoken
Grazing touches electrified
Senses resisting urgency
Another drink, inhibitions
Clashing in a frenzied turmoil
Ever closer still are we drawn
Dare to go there, not in this time
Far removed from reality
Yet passions drive our restless souls
Undetected we make our leave

In a darkened room save moonlight
Spilling gently upon silence
Curtains stir in a midnight breeze
As we fumble, explorations
A sudden kiss signals further
Acquaintance meeting approval
The night was ours for all taking
Arousal mapping destiny
By morning's light new beginnings
Unclear as our questioning eyes
Looking for signs of assurance
A mistake we shall not embark
Your smile wavered unsteady
Cautious laughter ever your way
Yet for now, per chance, overlook
The wrongs that I wanted so right

The months passed us by in favour
Clandestine, we met with each chance
We dined by candlelight seeming
In rapture for all that could be
Yet the cautious distance you held
Between us precariously
Left me wanting for answers cast
In avoidance or so it seemed
The hours passed and days grew long
Your intentions unbecoming
My observances at impasse
Naive, my heart burned yet again
You scorned my disfavour outright
Dismissed my affections, uncaring
Spurned, not more than occassional
Pleasures your only intention


copyright 2009 Don MacIver;  All Rights Reserved
Currently listening:
Above the Ground
Release date: 2008-11-04
October 13, 2009 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  anxious
Category: Writing and Poetry
Most of us have been touched in some way throughout our lives by the devastation wrought by a loved one who has survived or lost the battle to cancer. For one I call my rose this demon beast has surfaced. With early detection we remain unsure of its course, for now mere cells in relative isolation. Still, given its history in her family it is worriesome. We await results of further monitoring, testing...for now, the creature lays in sleep.
------------------------------------------------

Dark forces linger deep within
Cowering little intruders
Unwelcome intentions waiting
To pervade in systemic reach
As explosive atoms leaping
From a nucleus divided
Spreading as viral infection
Leaping, unrestricted frenzy
Pain cascading from limb to limb
A shower of insidious
Yet cumulative invasions
A lesion of unmarked destiny
Where tears burn deeper than acid
And words in prayer go unanswered
I cling to hope in desparation
Denial may conquer blindly
Save for a miracle I beg
Forgiveness, divine intervention
Would a picture serve as memory
Nor last kiss bidding you goodbye
Grace us uncounted tomorrows
Pray this night should never end


copyright 2009 Don MacIver; All Rights Reserved 
October 6, 2009 - Tuesday 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1nCk2889aY

Burton Cummings, legendary singer/songwriter, touches our hearts and souls in so many ways. Here he does what he has done for over four decades. What a remarkable person. Bless your heart Burton...you do it so right.