On Dec 7 2006 we went to my daughter's apartment to check on her since she wasn't answering her door or phone. After security was called in the apt. was deemed a crime scene, of course I never saw what they saw, but a 2-3 ft round circle of carpet was taken as well as a piece of wall board that had what was believed to be her handprint on it. She was nowhere to be found but her apt was neat and tidy, no signs of a break in...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

After 2 long months we received news her body had been found half –nude, wrapped in her comforter from home and some parts of her body eaten by animals. The autopsy report came back as cause of death UNKNOWN although she had a 4 ½ inch gash on the back of her head that I'm sure caused all the bleeding on that removed carpet. The death was still classified as cause of death unknown and therefore the investigation was stopped. I feel the investigation was botched and unfortunately because of the length of time my daughter laid in the elements, the autopsy couldn't reveal much.

We don't even have a "Cold Case" to reopen since cause of death wasn't ruled a homicide, although clearly it was. She was hit over the head with an object she tried to get up and then after bleeding to death she was carried some 40 miles to a remote wooded area and dumped, if that don't say murder I don't know what does .I feel our local authorities didn't deem it important enough to continue searching for an answer.

I have struggled with this unresolved event of not knowing (or someone not caring) for over a year and a half. Tomorrow she would have been 25. She left behind a little girl who deserves some answers some day as well as her family, her baby was only 2 ½ years old and while I know this won't bring her back, it may give our family some peace if we can find something out.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and if you can spread this to any media it would be appreciated. If you have a friend in OKC Homicide or the FBI or know how to get in Touch with Unsolved Mysteried(their website is undergoing construction) just anyone that might be able to get some answers for us would be appreciated!

Lord wont you heal my broken heart,

This pain deep inside it just tears me apart.

I'm raw and I bleed from my wounds deep inside

I've begged and I've pleaded, Pleasse set this aside.

I ache and I cry as I drown in my tears,

No more hope, no more dreams, just my long lasting fears

How can you turn your head so far from me,

I'm your child, COMFORT ME

When evil is all I see.

No more will I feel her love that shines bright,

I am cold, I am bare on a cold winter night.

No more will I see her bright shining face,

No more will I feel her loving embrace.

Gone are the days when her smile breaks,

And the twinkle in her eyes,

The warm feelings that they make.

Her death deemed not a suicide nor a homicide

Just tell me please "How has she died?"

There are questions in my heart

Oh I really long to know

How can you loose a loved one

and just don't let it show

Puzzle pieces they just don't seem to fit

I'm left here in my lonliness just to sit and sit and sit.

Well it's been a year now, the pain has dulled some now,

Yet times a memory catches me, and yet I don't know how.

To smile somehow as a glimpse from years beyond

Comes to life, for a moment and dare I make a sound

She smiles once more in my heart I can feel

All the love I can't conceal.

~Donna~

It's been over 3 months now since we buried my daughter.

 My oldest daughter is still in OK with me and I hope she don't move away like she has talked about. For her many bad things have happened here and I understand her point of view.

 She seems to be getting through this well...She's well-adjusted young lady I give her that, I really admire her so much. My son calls more often than he did from Florida. He is and has been engaged and will marry this time next year...life is getting easier.

 I still rely on Mike an awful lot to help me through the tough times but they don't come every day now. Just with certain things that bring memories our way. It's almost predictable. but do you know how hard it is NOT to watch TV with all the CSI, Law & Order shows without seeing something that reminds me of where I am and whaat has happened???

You don't realize how much death and violence against people goes in in fiction and fact!!, sometimes you just have to tie a knot and hang on!!!

I have a poem from my daughters funeral that is a part of the program I will share it now:

Safely Home

I am home in Heaven,dear ones; Oh, so happy and so bright! Therre is perfect Joy and beauty in this everlasting light.

All the pain and grief is over,every restless tossing passed; I am now at peace forever, safely home in Heaven at last.

Did you wonder I so calmly trod the Valley of the Shade?

Oh! But Jesus' love illuminated every dark and fearful glade.

And he came Himself to meet me in that way so hard to tread; And with Jesus' arm to lean on, could I have one doubt or dread?

Then you must not grieve so sorely, for I love you dearly still; Try to look beyond Earth's shadows, pray to trust our FAther's Will.

There is work still waiting for you, so you must not idly stand;Do it now while Life remaineth-You shall rest in Jesus' land.

When that work is all completed, he will gently call you home; Oh the rapture of that meeting, Oh the JOY to see you come!

~Donna~

And Life goes on....

I had this very long Blog, a snipet from Jessica's program comments about Cara and John and Blam...it messes up and it's gone...like the phrase from a song goes..."I don't think that I can take it, cause it took so long to make it, and I'll never have the recipe again...Oh No...(MacArthur Park) Said I had the incorrect time so I have to set it to Canadian time to get the real time(amazing I even figured that one out!!!)..ARGH.....

I hate Computers sometimes when they do that, then we have to try to outsmart them..ha...I'm cutting and pasting everything I type from herre on out!!!!  ~Donna~

A Poem for Jessica

Jessica Where ARE You??

It has been 8 weeks since we reported Jessica missing...it doesn't seem like 2 months have passed...and sometimes it feels like years...I miss my baby, my precious child...where are you? My heart is broken(so this is how it feels?).

I of course hope for the best and pray for her to come home or if she's missing of her own accord(not likely, she's not that way), if she's(I can't type or say the word, it's like if I say it it might be, so I don't say it)!! If she's the D word...I pray God will bring the darkness into the light...that's my continuing prayer...

I sometimes don't know if I can handle this, I am thinking of "checking in" to a hospital ward or psychiatric ward, I did that already. Ex husband and father of Jess  is hiring a PI he calle dand asked lots of uestions...I'm so glad the ex is doing that...maybe he'll find something the homicide detectives don't have time or resources to do or find.

I can't sleep more than 5 hrs. it seems, but the meds are helping me to stay calm for the most part, so that's the trade-off. I can't seem to concentrate on anything and the things I concentrate on are ridicilous..like I get songs stuck in my head and go around singing them and reruning the TV episodes in my minds eye...today or for right now it's the song from "Green Acres"...another day it's the songs from "Grease"...I think the mind is such a superior thing...tho it seems silly it's keeping me occupied on silly things strongly(I can't shake these songs sometimes) so I don't go to the reality of my situation...Sometimes I do and it's so overwhelming I can't breathe...sometimes I grieve, sometimes I get very angry, take blame and give it to others. I try not to be mad at GOD, for the most part I am not. I have to admit that perhaps Jessica's descision making got her into this? Maybe or maybe not. She just HAD to keep meeting people, strangers, on this Chat line(not internet ) but the telephone.

I started getting her mail recently(had it fowarded). I have to do all these things that I hate having to do like getting mail, knowing that I have to go clean her apartment before the electricity gets cut off, paying her protion of the rent, thinking me and Mike will have to go and pack up her apartment..she got got a bunch of furniture and only enjoyed it for not even 2 months. Maybe she wasn't ready to move out and I pushed her out of the nest too soon. I just don't know. Well I'm getting weepy so I'll end for now...Donna