Sometimes life doesn't go in the direction you think it's supposed to. It doesn't go in the direction that friends and family feel is necessairly in your best interesst. Sometimes it just lets you think for yourself. Maybe that's not always the smartest or safest way to doing things, but isn't that what makes it life?
Being away from the environment I thought was where I was "supposed" to be has really changed my perspective on things. I took a chance and really risked a lot. I left. At first it was just supposed to be a short break, no more than a few days. I then realised after I was no longer immersed in the things that I had been fighting and also at the same time trying to ignore, I hadn't been happy. So I made the decision to not go back. I realised I would loose friends, burn bridges and generally make people around me question my stability and sanity (not that they didn't in some shape or form already). It was not an easy decision, but it was the right one for me to make for myself.
I don't expect everyone to understand my out-of-the-blue rashness, although some of you might. I'm happy for the first time in months. I've met some amazing and supportive people through this endeavor. I also want to thank everyone who has stuck by me through this difficult time. I hope you all know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.
I'm not the most rational person. This is an undisputed fact. I'm crazy, impetuous, irrational, flighty, irresponsible and a whole slew of other adjectives you might want to sling at me. I don't deny my faults, although it might take me a while to admitt them, with reluctance. Yet they are part of what makes me me, and I'm ok with that. I have no idea what lies in store for me, I'm sure I'll think of something. If nothing else, at least I'll come out of this with one hell of a story.
It's not much of an explanation, but I figured I should say something to rationalize my behavior. I don't know how this will go over, maybe people will understand. Then again, maybe not. I did this for me, and I can't remember the last time I was this happy. So however else my decisions may have had an affect, please don't fault me for wanting that. To anyone I've hurt, I'm truly sorry. It was never my intention to cause anyone grief. I just needed to move past my own issues in my own way. Thank you again to everyone, old friends and new, for all of your support (and even the anger and speculation, it needed the balance I suppose). I don't know where or in what condition I would be in with out all of you.
I miss Seattle very much, but I am going to make the best out of my new circumstances down here in the desert. Who knew I would like living in Nevada and that of all places Sin City is helping me clean up my act. Who would have thought, right? Crazy and unpredictable, not necessairly the path I would have thought to wind up walking. That's what makes it life. Right?