http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjbcFIXtOCE

Hosted By: Top of the Bottoms
When: Thursday Oct 05, 2006
at 6:00 PM
Where: American Royal BBQ
Kemper Arena / American Royal
Kansas City, MO 64111
US
Description:
Top of the Bottoms

Click Here To View Event

• 4041 McGee Street in beautiful (and convenient) Southmoreland Park
• 2 blocks north of the Nelson Art Gallery and the Art Institute
• Close to UMKC, Art Institute, Nelson Art Gallery, Plaza, Westport, and Chez Charlie
• Nice quiet block in a beautiful classic neighborhood with lots of parks and good dog walking all around
• 2 Bedroom / 1 Bathroom (1000 square feet) bungalow
• New stainless steel kitchen appliances (refrigerator and gas range)
• Washer and dryer in basement included
• Gas furnace heat and window unit air conditioning. Matthew says the utilities are pretty low
• Off-street parking included, available 1 car detached garage optional
• Pets allowed (within reason). Backyard is currently not fenced, but I can if you need it
• Hardwood floors throughout
• 10 foot ceilings
• Great looking paint inside
• Cute fake fireplace
• Lots of light through abundant large windows with nice rollup window shades (no crappy blinds in my houses, no sir!)
• Classic front porch with porch swing (swing away the evening hours with your sweetie)
  
• Lawn and garden maintenance included (no yardwork for you!)
• Garden space for you to exercise your green thumb, if that's your thing.
• Cool neighbors (Renee and I)!
• Awesome backyard compound parties on huge new back driveway!
• Giant-screen back yard movie projection parties from time to time. You pick the movies!
  
• Basement shrine to Maximon (Mayan patron saint of drunks, sinners and prostitutes) in secret back room to remain, if you like
• $825 / month, $250 security deposit
• Available 1 car detached garage with remote opener for an additional $100 / month
• Flexible lease terms available
• You're my friends: No application fee, credit check, hassle, or other BS

To all my freinds and accomplices I haven't been seeing out on a regular basis:

Sorry, all, but I have a new secret little hidey hole of a joint that I've been spending my time at. It's sort of a private club, but I can certainly let the owner know that you're cool if you ever want to come check it out. She's a bit cantankerous sometimes, but once she gets to know you, she can be a real sweetheart. The drink prices are the best in town, even if they aren't so good at keeping the shelves and coolers stocked. Often times there'll be some food served, too. They've even got the rarest of Kansas City treats: Outdoor seating. I've heard rumors that there's going to be movies shown on a giant projection screen outside as spring advances to summer.

Pro: not so many folks at this little joint, so there isn't much in the way a rumors, gossip, or innuendo floating around. I've gotten so drunk there that I've actually crawled home and there were almost no negative social repercussions...

Con: not so many folks at this little joint, so if you're looking to hook up (Tilden?), you may want to bring your own...

Also of note: Frank's Place in Kansas City, Kansas is for sale. It is the oldest continuously operating bar in Wyandotte County at something like 103 years old. If you haven't been there, I strongly recommend you do before they close. Make sure you check out the back yard and imagine how cool it would be to be drinking out there on a warm summer's night. Then when you think you'd like to get into the bar business, get in touch with me, because I think it'd make an excellent three-season beer garden that would be a destination for many of the more initiated of us drinkers... Around the corner of 8th and Central.

I had a shitty night at work last night and I figured I'd vent to the world.

I won't go into the metaphysics of working at a midtown dive bar and the prolifigation of scenesters and hipsters and how difficult it is to maintain a stable environment for regulars while still making a few bucks and so on... yet.

Let's just jump right into the fact that a bunch of kids showed up at my bar last night, say about 10 people, mixed company. Out of the 10 that showed up, I sold 2 PBRs and 1 cup-of-water. Now in times past, I'd have quickly turned into an asshole, made a scene, and tossed them all out. But age and experience has tempered my, uh, temper, and I thought I'd try to be a little patient and let everyone get comfortable.

A little too comfortable, it seems, as everyone was pushing tables together, putting their feet up on the furniture, and having a fine old time (on the wagon).

Kids, let me offer a bit of advice: If you're going to go to a bar, do yourself a favor and order a drink. PBRs at Chez Charlie cost $2.00. If you can't come up with two bucks, maybe you should be out looking for a job instead of taking up space in my joint. We're not your living room and we're not your gymnasium. A bar is a business. If you're not buying drinks, you don't have any business there.

Anyway. After about 30-45 minutes of this, it really didn't look like anyone was getting in a hurry to actually pay rent for their seats, and I'm starting to get a bit upset because 5 or 6 nightly regulars at the bar were visibly annoyed at the commotion and making eyes at each other to leave, when a big light bulb fires off in my head:

TIME WARP!

It was 12:15am or so and we close at 1:30, so I just set the clocks forward to 1:20am and blew Last Call. And since nobody was drinking, nobody cared to order anything for "last call", and within 45 seconds, they all obediently stood up and took off. I have to give it to this particular pack of hipsters: they sure don't have to be ordered twice. The rest of the (paying) folks at the bar and I then enjoyed the rest of a 75 minute last call...

Oh, and another word of advice: Do NOT ever put more than two Green Chartreuse shots into the same stomach. You WILL be sorry. Believe me.

Sometimes, I just have to take a moment and love on Costco.
Renee and  I were cruising the aisles the other day and came on this stuff called "kefir" and gave it a try.
Kind of like yogurt, but more tangy and a lot thinner. Somewhat the consistence of heavy cream, maybe a bit heavier.
The secret is to get some cheap cereal granola and a package of blackberries (currently at Costco midtown for $4.00). Dump a cup or so of kefir into the bowl, sprinkle the granola liberally on top, and then a handful of blackberries. Stir it all around and mash up the berries if you prefer.
It's breakfast heaven. Trust me.
 

There is a petition going around asking the city of KCMO to formalize the inclusion of local artists in its commissioning of public art.

Dear local news media (newpaper, TV, radio, et al),

I just wanted to drop you all a note of thanks to express my gratitude for all of the wonderful weather reporting you have done of late. Your accurate and comprehensive coverage of the tornadoes the other week kept my ass in the La-Z-Boy and my eyes glued to the set despite the sirens blaring overhead. I even thought I saw my own house from Newschopper 4!

Your coverage of the tornadoes was only the beginning, though. Your collective anticipation of the "March Madness" snowstorm that "threatened" our very existence yesterday proves that you have no concern for anything besides the safety, health and welfare of the community at large. Your advice to everyone to "not leave the house if you don't absolutely have to" saved countless lives yesterday as temperatures dropped down to the low '40s and a slight drizzle blew in from time to time.

Everyone with more than a grade-school-level education knows that there is no more dangerous threat to midwesterners' lives than the possibility of dreaded "black ice" and when faced with this imminent threat yesterday, the only thing for a non-suicidal individual to do is leave the Hummer in the garage.I especially liked the advanced warning you gave us of the 6-18 inches of snow we were staring down the barrel of late Monday evening. As I drove to work at my neighborhood bar yesterday at 6:00pm braving the ominously clear skies, I said a silent prayer that no paying customers come out tonight and risk life and limb.

I can only imagine how many lives were saved by you metrowide, but I can testify that based on my bar's business last night, your accurate weather coverage yesterday saved at least a score. While one cannot attach a price to a human life, your benevolence cost my bar a mere $400 (based on net averages) and me only about $100. A small price to pay for safety, I'm sure you can agree.

I encourage you to continue this type of weather coverage. Anyone can open a window and realize that the apocalypse is coming, and soon. The sky is indeed falling. It's important that people are kept glued to their TVs and kept up to date with late-breaking and investigative weather coverage. Human lives (and television advertising revenues) depend upon it.

Yours to the very end,

Robert A. Asher, Jr.
Bartender

Hello, all. I try not to waste your time with needless bulletins, but I feel very strongly about this issue and we can all do something about it. (And time is short)

On Tuesday, April 4, There will be a vote in Jackson County which will have two issues that are important to all of us who live and work in Jackson County. This is the sample ballot.

These are the two stadium tax increases.

I am asking you, if you are a registered Jackson County voter, as a freind, PLEASE PLEASE vote "NO" on April 4 for both of these unfair tax issues. Regardless of how you feel about sports, the Royals, or the Chiefs, these taxes WILL affect your life. If they do not pass, regardless of what the common media sources imply, it DOES NOT mean the teams will leave. It just means that Jackson County residents WILL NOT get screwed (this time...)

I'm not going to waste your time with my own rant, but instead include an excerpt from a more entertaining rant:
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What is the deal with the full page ads in the Kansas City Star from the Save Our Stadiums Committee? Who are these guys? They are short on facts and long on innuendo, half-truths, pretty pictures, misleading headlines, and out-and out lies. Let us examine.
 
First the full pager, top to bottom.
 
1. "The NEW Truman Sports Complex." Wrong. This is the very same Truman Sports Complex we have now. Same stadiums, same number of seats, same parking lots, same number of bathrooms, same concourses. Look at the illustrations...nothing has changed!
 
2. "A LEAGUE OF OUR OWN." Wrong. What league would that be? It's still the NFL and MLB, same leagues, same divisions, same dismal perfo rmances from the teams.
 
3. "Nothing Will Compare!" Wrong. To what? That is superfluous cocktail party talk.
 
4. "New 25-year leases." Wrong. These are the same 1990 leases, only amended. Many onerous provisions remain. For example: We are called upon to spend $1 Billion on these properties, yet each team will still pay the same $450,000 per year rent. Who is reponsible for that brilliant piece of negotiation? Mike White? Who does he really represent? Certainly not the County if he hasn't got the balls to ask for more rent on my property after improvements like this.
 
5. "Total Transformation." Wrong. See #1 above.
 
6. "Rises 245 feet above the new Events PL aza." Huh? What's an Events Plaza? That's the very first time we have heard that phrase. The wording appears nowhere in the leases. Is that simply a fancy name for Parking Lot M? Yes.
 
7. "Costs Capped." Wrong. Per their lease, the tenant (Chiefs) shall have the right, at any time, to change the scope...revise the program, schematic and final plans and specifications without necessity of Landlord's approval...blah, blah, blah." Section 3.2.4.8, page 11. How can you "CAP" a moving target?
 
7(a). Same with the Royals. Section 11(d), page 9...last full line of the paragraph. How can you "CAP" a moving target?
 
8. "Approximately 1/3 of all revenues generated.....will be paid by people who do not l ive in Jackson County. "Poppycock! Hearsay! Prove it!
 
9. "The economic impact of the Truman Sports Complex exceeds $300 million annually....adding up to nearly $10 billion over the 25-year span of the new leases (NOT NEW LEASES...OLD LEASES!)." Wrong. More pie-in-the-sky blather. $300 million x 25 = $7.5 Billion anyway, not $10 billion...geez, check your math! Economic study after economic study shows that the impact of a professional sports franchise is no greater than that of a medium sized department store. Medium size...not super size. Medium.
 
10. "Approval of Question 1 will guarantee that the Royals will not abandon Kauffman Stadium.....and the Chiefs will not move to another market...." Wrong. More hot air. The Royals are prime candidates for contraction and.....lest we forget the Balt imore Colts and their middle-of-the-night flight? If these are the sorts of business that would cut and run like that, then we need to consider whether they are the sort of corporate citizens we want.
 
11. "Save Our Stadiums." Wrong. From what? They are not falling down. Both venues are consistently rated highly for enjoyment of the game experience, whether on the field or in the stands. Players love 'em, fans love 'em, non-fans love 'em, journalists love 'em, media people love 'em. What's not to love?
 
11(a). The stadiums still look fresh and are extremely serviceable, but like any rental property they need to be maintained. You can place the blame for that not happening on a timely basis squarely on the shoulders of Jackson County. Per the JCSCA, for $60-80 million, we can bring these two facilities up to th e terms of the original 1990 leases...leases that remain in effect...and assure that the teams remain here until 2015.
 
11(c). Except for the bloviating of Jack Steadman and his "state-of-the-art" kicking and whining (define state-of-the-art for us, willya Jack), neither team has indicated that leaving is an imminent possibility.
 
How gullible do these people think we are?
 
Next, the Super Bowl XLIX half-page ad. Stupor Bowl? Stupid Bowl? Super Bowel?
 
1. "NEW Truman Sports Complex." Wrong. See #1 above.
 
2. "...biggest one day event on the planet...." Wrong. Unproveable hyperbole.
 
3. "Corporate Use Tax." On what? How much? Who pays? When does it end (never)? More bait-and-switch diversion.
 
4. "Tremendous Economic Impact." Wrong. See #9 above. In fact that entire paragraph is chock full of distortions, unproveable assumptions, and lies! Who knows what will happen by 2015?
 
5. "A League of Our Own." Wrong. Cute movie...lousy premise for this boondoggle.
 
6. "Kansas City will now be eligible for hundreds of other major events...." Yeah right. With a fabric roof, fabric side curtains, untested lighting, untested climate control, and seamed assembly, Arrowhead will be transformed in to.....a tent! Which of the "other major events" listed would really want to hold their event in a parking lot.....in a tent?
 
And it goes on and on and on and on.......
 
The proponents steadfastly refuse to provide information on this issue based on facts. They prefer to use scare tactics and fear-mongering in an attempt to divert attention from the truth of the matter. By any criteria, this issue will not stand on its own feet. It doesn't even pass the smell test.
 
How sad. How juvenile. How utterly dispicible.
 
This is and remains a MAJOR LEAGUE RIPOFF!
 
Question #1: VOTE NO!
Question #2: VOTE NO!