Tomorrow, MLS will welcome (back) its 14th franchise, the San Jose Earthquakes, with an expansion draft.  Under expansion draft rules, each of the current 13 teams can protect 11 players on the current rosters.  The remaining players are exposed to the draft.  The Earthquakes may select 10 players, but only 1 from each team.  Therefore, 3 teams will not lose a player.

A rundown of each team's list of available players and who I think will be selected:

Chivas USA
Best available: Preston Burpo, Ramon Nunez, Alex Zotinka
These 3 players make a lot of money to sit on the Chivas USA bench.  I think that Chivas would want to keep Preston Burpo (their backup goalkeeper) on board in the event that Brad Guzan is purchased by Arsenal, as has been speculated.  Ramon Nunez never quite fit into this team, but he is young and very talented.  He was successful in Dallas, but asked to be traded.  Zotinka won't have value because there are many better defenders available.
San Jose selects:  Ramon Nunez

Chicago Fire
Best available: Jon Busch, Jim Curtin, Diego Gutierrez
The Fire were not a deep team, and this list proves it.  Jim Curtin and Diego Gutierrez are really expensive for what they bring to the table.  Jon Busch is a good goalkeeper for his salary, but is still a full-time backup.  If cost isn't an issue, Diego Gutierrez is the best choice, given the availability of better defenders and better goalkeepers from other teams.
San Jose selects:  Diego Gutierrez

Colorado Rapids
Best available:  Jose Cancela, Conor Casey, Mike Petke
Jose Cancela has the talent to be a star on any team in the league, but he must be either the worst teammate or the laziest person at practice because he's failed at New England, Toronto, and Colorado.  Toronto selected him in the expansion draft last year to direct their attack.  It never happened.  Conor Casey is a former future star.  Some would say a has-been; others, a never-was.  Mike Petke was a good defender 5 years ago.  My best advice is to avoid taking anyone wearing a Colorado Rapids uniform.
San Jose selects:  no one

Columbus Crew
Best available:  Ned Grabavoy, Andy Herron
Slim pickings offered by the Columbus Crew, the result of a pretty shallow roster.  Andy Herron has talent, but is a bit of a head case.  Ned Grabavoy is cheap and is a solid MLS player.
San Jose selects:  Ned Grabavoy

FC Dallas
Best available:  Chris Gbandi, Clarence Goodson, Roberto Mina, Bobby Rhine, Dario Sala, Abe Thompson, Alex Yi
Biggest surprise:  Denilson.  Okay, so not really.  Dallas doesn't want him back.
Dallas exposed the most quality players:  a goalkeeper, four defenders, and two forwards.  Many of these moves were made possible by the availability of younger, less expensive players already on the roster.  Worst case, Dallas loses only one of these players, and they free up some salary space.  Although he is a little expensive, I think Chris Gbandi is the best choice, although Toronto took a pass on him last year. 
San Jose selects:  Clarence Goodson

DC United
Best available:  Brian Carroll, Rod Dyachenko, Greg Vanney
Rod Dyachenko was taken by Toronto in the expansion draft last year, but DC United re-acquired him with this year's 1st round draft pick.  (Stupid move by DC United.)  After watching Dyachenko for 2 years, he's not worth it.  Carroll and Vanney are exposed because of their high salaries.  Brian Carroll is a former All-Star and is one of the best players in the league at his position.  He's coming off an off-year in which completing passes to his teammates became a big problem.
San Jose selects:  Brian Carroll

Houston Dynamo
Best available:  Ryan Cochrane, Pat Onstadt, Craig Waibel, Zach Wells
Houston put its top 2 goalkeepers up for grabs.  Ryan Cochrane and Craig Waibel are 2 of the 4 starters in the league's best defense.  Lots of San Jose connections on the Dynamo.  Pat Onstadt is one of the best goalkeepers in the league, but Zach Wells is a lot younger.
San Jose selects:  Zach Wells

Kansas City Wizards
Best available:  Jose Burciaga, Kevin Hartman, Will John
Kansas City's roster doesn't offer many choices, but the inclusion of Kevin Hartman and Jose Burciaga is an obvious salary dump.  If San Jose can stomach his salary, Kevin Hartman should be the obvious choice.  However, they may prefer Jose Burciaga's experience in defense at a lower cost.
San Jose selects:  Jose Burciaga

LA Galaxy
Best available:  Kelly Gray, Peter Vagenas, Abel Xavier
Biggest surprise:  David Beckham was not available.  Wait.  Oh, THAT David Beckham?!?!
There's something a little weird about the Galaxy leaving any players exposed because Frank Yallop, San Jose's coach, was the coach of this Los Angeles Galaxy roster.  The biggest head scratcher on the list is Abel Xavier, who may be the best defender in MLS--he's just old.  I'd take Kelly Gray.  He can play a couple of positions, and Pete Vagenas is getting old fast.
San Jose selects:  Kelly Gray

New England Revolution
Best available:  Andy Dorman, Avery John, James Riley
Toronto passed on both Andy Dorman and Avery John last year.  Andy Dorman was the best player on the Revolution in the 1st half of 2007.  Avery John is one of the better left backs in the league--although he counts toward an international roster spot.  This pick depends on how San Jose makes their other 9 picks.  None of these players is expensive.
San Jose selects:  Andy Dorman

New York Red Bulls
Best available:  Francis Doe, Kevin Goldwaite, Joseph Vide, John Wolyniec
Goldwaite was a poor acquisition by the Red Bulls (acquired in exchange for Marvelle Wynne in a salary dumping move).  Doe and Vide were late-season acquisitions with limited value.  John Wolyniec has been around the league for a while and is a bench player, at best.  Based on the Red Bulls extensive history of bad roster moves, it is probably best to avoid players on this team.
San Jose selects:  no one

Real Salt Lake
Best available:  Chris Brown, Jean-Martial Kipre, Andy Williams
It seems like Andy Williams has played on every team in MLS, except for DC United.  He has terrific vision and terrific skill, but is somewhat of a headcase.  I like him a lot, but his career is definitely on the wane.  It's probably good policy, as with the Colorado Rapids, to avoid picking players from Real Salt Lake.
San Jose selects:  no one

Toronto FC
Best available:  Adam Braz, Marco Reda, Kenny Stamatopolus
Toronto finished in last place and had the worst offense in the league.  In last year's expansion draft, they selected only midfielders and forwards.  However, they may have laid the framework of how an expansion draft should work:  no player they selected ended the year on their roster.  They smartly acquired players, then dealt them around the league to acquire allocation money and draft picks.  The only player on their roster worth considering is goalkeeper Kenny Stamatopolus, who would be a good backup goalkeeper.
San Jose selects:  Kenny Stamatopolus

2008 San Jose Earthquakes Expansion Draft:
Ramon Nunez - MF
Diego Gutierrez - M
Ned Grabavoy - M
Clarence Goodson - D
Brian Carroll - M
Zach Wells - GK
Jose Burciaga - D
Kelly Gray - DM
Andy Dorman - M
Kenny Stamatopolus - GK

If it were me picking, and salary wasn't an issue, I'd choose:
Ramon Nunez - MF (Chivas USA)
Diego Gutierrez - M (Chicago Fire)
Chris Gbandi - D (FC Dallas)
Brian Carroll - M (DC United)
Zach Wells - GK (Houston Dynamo)
Jose Burciaga - D (Kansas City Wizards)
Kelly Gray - DM (LA Galaxy)
Andy Dorman - M (New England Revolution)
Joseph Vide - M (New York Red Bulls)
Kenny Stamatopolus - GK (FC Toronto)

A man.

Walking through the lobby of my office building.

Carrying some files under his arm.

Business casual dress.

White shirt with brown stripes.

Khaki pants.

Wearing light brown Crocs.

Ugh.....

Did I mention no socks???

Got your attention.  No, this isn't an open letter to Chris Crocker.  Instead, I'm going to blog about something the Croc-man would never understand:

Sports mascots

One of the interesting aspects of sports entertainment is the importance placed on a team's/franchise's mascot.  Many colleges have awesome mascots, and I won't waste space here (or research time) identifying them.  Some professional sports franchises' mascots are as identifyable with the team as the team colors themselves (the Philadelphia Phanatic, being a great example).

Sometimes, the rush to produce a mascot does not result in a mascot to remember.  The Washington Nationals went through quite a production to come up with a pre-pubescent eagle named after the nerdy kid from Saved By the Bell.  I guess the Nats were at a disadvantage because the eagle was already in use by the Capitals (Slapshot), DC United (Talon), and American University (Clawed).

But the abomination of Screech is OLD NEWS.  New news was made this year, when the Pittsburgh Steelers, on of the most historic and traditional teams in the NFL, decided to come up with a mascot:  a happy-looking guy carrying a steel I-beam on one of his shoulders.  (Now, I'm not sure about you, but carrying around an I-beam on my shoulder wouldn't make me particularly happy.)  When put out to a contest amongst fans, the winning name was "Steely McBeam," which has been chided across the sports world as childish, overwhelmingly-Irish, and sounding too much like the name of a deposed porn star.

This week, the idiocy of allowing fan input was TOTALLY REDEEMED by Toronto FC of MLS.  They unveiled their new mascot, a (live) female Harris Hawk named, appropriately enough, Bitchy.

You read that right.  Bitchy.

Yes, they're Canadian.  But Bitchy here is the same as Bitchy there.  Thank you fans of Toronto FC.  Your Pittsburgh neighbors to the south could only hope to be so creative.

Any nominations for favorite mascots or favorite mascot names?  Feel free to comment.

Okay, so I haven't posted anything here in approximately 3 months.  My once prolific mind has been reduced to baseless drivel, an even worse form of drivel than can commonly be found in my blog postings.

Anyway, maybe I'll get back on the horse.  Maybe not.  You'll just have to check in occasionally to find out.  In the meantime, I have some commentary on (of all things) the current season of Entourage:

I like the show, and I like the character arches.  But this season has been full of absolutely pointless episodes.  Take the 8/26/07 episode, which aired last night.  Here's a brief summary:  "Vince and his friends get on a plane."  Seriously, it took an entire 30-minute episode for them to get on a plane.  Was that worth the ENTIRE episode and 1/10 of the season to have Kanye West conveniently appear out of nowhere with an empty 737 sitting on the runway waiting to fly to London?  I guess it's not worth pointing out that a 737 probably can't fly from LAX to Heathrow.

This is the latest in a season full of moments that make me want to yell out, "get to the freaking point."

1. Meet Anna Faris.  Hey look, she's a blonde ditz who hit Eric's car.  Wow, she needs career advice.  Luckily Eric is so experienced.  Hey, look, all the sudden, she's calling him "E" because they're like, SOOOO tight now. 

2. Meet Anna Faris' completely one-dimensional boyfriend.  Look how mean he is to her.  I wonder if she'll dump him when E is nice to her.

3. Hey there's Billy Walsh acting crazy again.  What a crazy Billy Walsh.  Man, is he crazy.  Hey, let's make his next movie because he's so crazy but ingenius.  Who cares if it's not the movie he was supposed to write?

4. No one has seen Medillen.  No one.

5. Hey, do you think E can get with a girl faster than Turtle?  Wow, Turtle found a bunny fetish chick online.  Lucky for him that Johnny Drama is such an expert.

6. Wow, everyone knows Turtle.  What a crazy name!  Turtle.  Kanye West and Turtle are such super friends.  Good thing Turtle never told that cute girl he went out with last season his real name.  Street cred is everything when you're as important as Turtle.

7. Why does everyone call Johnny Chase "Drama?"  Is he the only actor in Hollywood who can do a dramatic role?  Why would anyone call a C-List actor by his nickname, let alone actually address said individual?

If Medillen wins Cannes, or if someone buys the movie from them for $100 million, I'm not watching anymore. 

The show has fallen onto a stupid premise:  Vincent Chase, who has done 3 movies in the 4 seasons of the show, is just so super awesome that everything he does is a hit with both the critics and the fans.  It's a far cry from the original story of an up-and-comer, his has-been brother, and their 2 hangers-on friends tryin to live the high life in Hollywood.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but is the Vincent Chase/Billy Walsh relationship a copy of the Johnny Depp/Tim Burton relationship?

Congratulations to the Washington Nationals for not being as inept as the baseball media had forecast.  And Congratulations to DC United for stopping being completely inept in this year's MLS campaign.

Loyal readers (all 1 of you--and yet, still an underserved audience of late) will recall that I challenged the Washington Nationals to win 5 games before DC United.

The Nationals were 5-10 on April 18, 2007.
United finally notched win #5 (all competitions) on May 27, 2007.

Through May 27, the Nationals are 21-30 (.412).
Through May 27, DC United are 5-4-2 (.545).

Congratulations again, Nationals.  I'm sure that it's some small consolation to being 12 games out of first place and ostensibly already eliminated from post-season play before the calendar turns to June.

The joys of car ownership are plentiful.  Not the least of which are the utilitarian aspects of car ownership:  that the vehicle is comfortable and that it provides you transportation between two points.

However, with any joy comes equal quantities of angst.  I have a semi-well documented dislike for car dealers--which is sad because I love cars.  I grew up around cars and reading car magazines.  One of my dad's best friends owned a car dealership--specializing, for a while at least, in high-performance Fords and Porsches.  I guess that being in an environment growing up where I was surrounded by people who loved and appreciated cars set my expectations way too high.  Because most car dealers--or at least car salesmen--I come across are terrible at their jobs.

Of course, I own a car.  I drove nearly 250 miles from DC to buy my Audi TT because the salespeople working at the Audi dealerships in the DC area were either morons or bumbling idiots (possibly one and the same?).  I'm not dumb enough to take the car that far away to get serviced, however.  So, after a few attempts, I settled on a dealer down here who offered good service.  In fact, my service advisor knew a lot about my car.  As of 8 months ago, he's gone.  And my service since has sucked.

And thus.....today's story:

I took my TT to Tischer Audi of Silver Spring for one of its maintenance check-ups.  My only request was that the guys in the shop check my brakepads.  I got a call that something was leaking--asking for permission to fix it.  Permission granted.  Then, they called me back 2 hours later to tell me that they couldn't get the lug nuts off my wheel because they were rusted to the hub.

I drive a $40-50,000 car, and it gets rusty lug nuts?  I have friends who drive Kias and Suzukis, and they don't have that problem.  So, the Tischer Audi idiot brigade DISASSEMBLED the wheel from the inside, which required replacement of the hub and wheel bearing.  The total cost for this repair alone was over $1,200.  All because they couldn't remove the lug nuts.  Of course, when I asked to see the offending lug nuts, they informed me that they had already destroyed the metal.  Good customer service people....

I asked, "Well, did you at least take the other wheels off the hubs to check my brake pads?"  And my service rep responded, "Are you kidding?  We weren't going to attempt that after we couldn't get the other lug nuts off!"

Hey, you stupid f'n moron!  What happens when I get a flat tire and I can't take the lug nuts off to put the spare tire on?  Nice one, Tischer.  Now your service department is almost as stupid as your sales staff.

Bonus (even better) sucky car dealership story:

My girlfriend recently purchased a brand-new Mini Cooper.  In fact, hers was one of the first 2007 Minis delivered.  She ordered it from Tate BMW/Mini in Annapolis last November or December, and took delivery of the car in February.

When she got the car, she realized that a piece of chrome trim she had ordered was not on the car.  It's a 4 inch by 10 inch ring that goes around the fog light on the rear of the car.  So, Tate ordered the part for her.  Nearly 4 weeks after she had her car, the chrome part arrived.

We took the car in on a Saturday morning and hung out at the dealer killing time.  I walked around the BMW lot looking at cars.  We sat in the waiting room playing with their futuristic coffee maker.  After an hour of waiting, we inquired about the status of receiving her car back, and we were told that they were having a difficult time attaching the part and that it would take another 30 minutes.

So, we decided to go look at BMW's again.  At the 90 minute mark, her car was ready, but I was getting ready to go out for a test drive.  So, we returned 20 minutes later, ready to leave, only to witness the chrome piece fall off the back of her car.

Tate's service department (yes, the same people working on your $100,000 BMW M5) attached the chrome piece to the back of the car (a plastic bumper) with 5 electrical tape donuts.  It took them 90 minutes to come up with the solution:  "Let's make tape donuts to stick it to the back of the car!"  Mind you, there was no sylicone glue.  They didn't even have the decency to use duct tape, which actually sticks to things.

I hope the mechanics working the Saturday shift at Tate were being held hostage by some 3rd world militant terrorist organization.  Because if they weren't and if they thought that they could somehow pass off tape donuts to the rest of the world as an acceptable work product, then I'm pretty sure they're the stupidest people on Earth--and I have a preschool arts & crafts project that just may stretch their abilities to the max.

Needless to say, it's 3 weeks later, and there has been no follow-up from Tate on the missing chrome--nor an apology.

Saturday, April 7, 2007 at 3:30 pm EST:  DC United vs. Colorado Rapids

My projected 2007 MLS Standings:

Eastern Conference
1. DC United -- Last year's Supporters Shield winners ran away with the best record in the league before folding down the stretch.  They lost some of their 2nd-tier talent, but they added some new 1st-tier talent.  A thin defense is their weakness.  Returning are the League MVP, the Defender of the Year, and the Goalkeeper of the Year.  Anything less than an MLS Cup appearance (which, at RFK, should equal a win) will be a disappointment.

2. New England -- Perennially the 1st or 2nd place team in the East, the Revolution always seem to get it done when it matters.  The loss of Clint Dempsey will go largely unnoticed because he didn't play much last season.  If they lose Shalrie Joseph, things could come apart.

3. New York Red Bulls -- It hurt me to even type that.  There's no way that Claudio Reyna and Bruce Arena can't conjure up a respectable season.  Actually, the Red Bulls' hopes lie solely on whether or not Claudio can stay off the injured list.  He never could at Sunderland nor at Manchester City.  So, I'm not sure how he'll make it through the hot Meadowlands summer playing on the bad turf at Giants Stadium.

4. Toronto FC -- Had Ronnie O'Brien not gotten injured, I would have had the expansion club at #3 in the East.  They're loaded with talent in their front 6.  The backline consists of players without MLS experience--possibly without MLS pedigree.  Still, this team was assembled intelligently--their moves in and around the expansion draft were all winners.  If they develop some team chemistry, they will be successful.  Plus, they'll have a sold-out stadium at each game, and the 12th man tends to add a few to the win column.

5. Kansas City Wizards -- This team disappointed a lot of people last year.  They may end up disappointing a lot of people this year, too.  Whereas Toronto will be pushed to succeed by a packed house every night, the Wizards struggle to get 9,000 people to come to cavernous Arrowhead Stadium.  This team will probably move to St. Louis.  In the meantime, enigmatic Eddie Johnson needs to score a few goals.  He has world-class potential with rec-league field sense and maturity.  Adding Kevin Hartman in goal is a significant improvement.

6. Chicago Fire -- Every year, I say that Chicago is overrated.  And every year, they make the playoffs.  This year, I think I will finally be correct, even though this is as good a team on paper as they've had in a few years.  Losing Nate Jacqua is a classic case of addition by subtraction, however they got nothing in return.  Cuauhtemoc Blanco will hopefully put some fans in the stands, but his attitude will likely rub some teammates the wrong way.  At the end of the day, their success relies too heavily on inconsistent youngsters (Matt Pickens, Justin Mapp, and Chris Rolfe).

7. Columbus Crew -- The worst team in the East last year did very little to improve their roster.  This team was hit hard by injuries in 2006, but it's not like the original roster was destined for greatness.  It will take a lot for this team to overtake any of the other teams in the East.

Western Conference
1. Houston Dynamo -- The Dynamo won the MLS Cup in 2006 and return their talented roster largely intact.  They have all-star caliber players at every position and are just as likely to score 2 or 3 goals as they are to shut out their opponents.  If Dwayne DeRosario can get any support from the rest of the midfield, a repeat appearance in MLS Cup will not be out of the question.

2. Los Angeles Galaxy -- Two words:  David Beckham.  David Beckham is not coming here to look pretty.  He is coming here to be the best player in MLS.  If Landon Donovan, the current best player in MLS, can somehow get this team--which is already pretty good--to the All Star break in 3rd place, they're going to be scary down the stretch.  Why anyone traded with the Galaxy this offseason is beyond me.  History shows that Landon gets better as the season progresses.  The Galaxy will be Houston's biggest competition.

3. FC Dallas -- Dallas lost a lot of talent in the offseason, including their best player, Ronnie O'Brien.  However, these changes were orchestrated by the team's new head coach, Steve Morrow, and appear for the better.  For a while in 2006, Dallas was the only team that could match DC United.  The 2007 Dallas roster lacks some of the star power on last year's team (no more Ronnie O'Brien, Richard Mulrooney, or Greg Vanney), but an appearance in the playoffs is expected.

4. Colorado Rapids -- The Rapids made some strange offseason moves, trading away some of the better players on their roster for players other MLS teams couldn't wait to get rid of.  Trading Clint Mathis to the Red Bulls was a good move, even if the end result is Clint actually trying for his new club.  Several MLS pundits are predicting good things for this club.  If the patchwork defense can hold up, they should be in the mix for another playoff run.  Remember, this team lost in the 2006 Western Conference Finals.

5. Real Salt Lake -- RSL probably has the worst front office of any club in MLS.  RSL went through another offseason of questionable personnel decisions:  they gave up Jason Kreis in the expansion draft, then reacquired him later that afternoon; they traded for Nick Rimando then traded him away for less to keep Scott Garlick in goal only to watch Garlick retire requiring the team to trade for Rimando again; they paid a king's ransom for Freddy Adu to play on the team for 1 season.  Still, I predict that 2007 will be better than 2006--even if it is through dumb luck.  This team can score goals in bunches.  The question remains:  can they defend?

6. Chivas USA -- Robert Spuhler is the resident Chivas expert.  I think 2007 will be a rebuilding year for the Goats.  They lost a lot of their best Mexican players, and they haven't really replaced the talent.  A few quality young American players will keep Los Angeles' other team afloat, but the loss of talent and the new coaching staff may be too much to overcome.

Playoff teams:
East:  DC United, New England
West:  Houston, Los Angeles
Wild Cards: Dallas, Colorado, New York, Toronto

Eastern Conference Final:  DC United vs. New York
Western Conference Final:  Houston vs. Los Angeles

MLS Cup:  DC United vs. Los Angeles

Today was opening day for the 2007 Washington Nationals, or, as they will be heretofore known:  The Washington Whothef..arethesedudes (at least until I forget).

Seriously folks, the Nationals are a garbage team--hardly even qualifying as a "major league" franchise.  Sure, they play in the majors and they play against other major league teams.  But today they made the low-budget Florida Marlins look like world beaters.

Somewhere between yawning at the less-than-exciting spectacle of Nats baseball and tuning out the nostalgic ramblings of my friends with whom I accompanied to the game about how magical (say it like Drew Barrymore....or better yet, say it like Kate Hudson saying it like Drew Barrymore) opening day is, I started to get excited. 

Excited about what, you ask?  (Oh, you didn't ask?)

Well, just to the right of everything Nationals at RFK Stadium is something advertising DC United and making mention of United's many championships.  So, then I got excited because MLS's opening day is just around the corner.

Couple of thoughts:
Q:  Who will win 5 games first?  The Nationals?  Or DC United?
A:  DC United.  Technically, DC United have already won 2 games, as they are 3 matches into the CONCACAF Champions' Cup.  If I give United credit for these wins, it's no match:  United will be faster to 5.  However, if I ignore the Champions' Cup, DC United gives the Nationals a 1-week head start, which makes it more likely the Nationals win 5 first.  By the time DC United plays 5 league matches, the Nationals will have played 32 games.

Q:  Will you be there when David Beckham walks out onto the pitch?
A:  Maybe.  I will be.  I ordered extra tickets, but I need to follow up on them.  If you want to sit with me, let me know.

Q:  Can anyone beat me at Fantasy MLS?
A:  Probably not.  Here's a challenge.  I will post $10 for every person who posts $5 to play in a Fantasy MLS league with me--winner takes all.  Therefore, if there are 50 of you who challenge me, I have to post $500.  Any takers?

Q:  Which song is worse:  Ferg-a-licious or Glamorous?
A:  Tough question.  One song gives Fergie the right to invent new English words; while the other song gives Fergie a forum to discuss how much it sucks that her legions of fans have made her rich--also to turn an adjective into a noun, thereby inventing another new English word.

There are two types of headlines: the headlines that draw your attention to read an article; and headlines that give the whole story away.

Examples of the former amongst today's headlines:
"New driver's licenses could be used at border"
"Former Oprah intern wins Miss USA"
"Pet food probe eyes Chinese wheat"
"City manager loses job over sex change"

And then there are the headlines that pretty much save you from having to read:
"Gay police in Philippines told not to sway hips"

Happy Pi Day!  Math nerds around the world woke up this morning with an extra spring in their step and new batteries in their graphing calculators.  I hope your celebrations are lively, safe, and directly proportional to the ratio of your circumference to your diameter.

Incidentally, I was recently invited to a Sudoku event--not because of my wit or my charm. No, I was invited simply for the reason that I'm a closet math dork.  A friend of mine has identified herself as a "sudoku fiend," and I'm not sure if I can associate myself with that kind of unbridled passion.  Therefore, I may or may not attend; especially because I don't really play Sudoku that much. Of course, the last math dork event I attended was dedicated to knots and whether or not a particular knot formation had a solution (i.e. it could be untied in a certain number of moves....or something).  And I haven't been tying any knots lately, either. 

My only real experience with Sudoku involves:
1) a friend of mine who is (or at least was) obsessed;
2) the puzzles in airline magazines;
3) the electronic version on my Blackberry.

My best time on my Blackberry is 5 minutes 20 seconds to solve.  My average time is somewhere south of 8 minutes per puzzle.  I hope this paragraph somehow nets me a really hot chick.  Did I happen to mention the math seminar on knot theory?

t > t0*

________
By the way:  we can also celebrate whomever it was that (this morning) became the 2000th view of my blog.  Kudos, friend.  Inane drivel has never been so well received--or so poorly reviewed.

* This is how a mathematician says "later."  Of course, I didn't think of this myself.