Dear Friends,

As I haven't been around much, I haven't had the chance to say hello. I thought with today being Valentine's Day, it is the best day to tell you THANKS for continuing to be my friend, thanks for the messages you have left, thanks for simply being there and LOTS of LOVE from me. :o)

It has been a roller coaster year with some dramatic bits, but I am still here, feeling happy, feeling good and feeling thankful. It is not possible to be on here as often as I used to, but I have put my other websites on my page if anyone wants to read my latest blogs or see what i am up to. I hope life has been good for you and that you are having the most wonderful day today.

It is great to make contact again, and i hope the new year is really treating you well. Do keep in touch when you can, if only to sign my guestbook so that you're always on my page. I would like to leave you with a Valentine smile.





VALENTINE JOKES
A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'
Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

Misperceptions
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? $300?"

Be my Valentine
A man walks into a post office one day and sees a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity gets the better of him; he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

The 3Rs of Personal Success (1): RECOGNITION


A few years ago, I was absent-mindedly watching the regional news on television when I was suddenly rooted to the spot, overcome by feelings of surprise, elation and excitement. I had to share the moment with someone else and, in my rush to get my husband to see what was rapidly reducing me to a babbling state of incoherence, I knocked over the cup of tea, caught my jumper sleeve on the door handle and grazed my knee of the coffee table.

I had never seen anyone I actually knew on television before, and there, being interviewed large as life in front of me, was the owner of the local furniture shop who had sold us our dining room chairs only the week before. I was so thrilled, anyone would have thought that I was on the box. Television suddenly gave her superhuman status and, having actually spoken to her, that somehow made us part of the unfolding scene. For days I could talk of nothing else.

This event returned to mind when I received a Christmas card some months later from a girlfriend I hadn't seen in seven years. Her brief note said simply, "Saw you on television again recently and told everybody I knew you." Having seen me as a guest on a programme, she had reacted in exactly the same way, wanting to share vicariously in the brief moment of glory. All this behaviour is not so strange when we think about it carefully. In fact, television holds the key as to why we push ourselves to the limit to achieve our ambitions. It is the overwhelming desire to be somebody, if only for 60 seconds of our lives. It also explains why some people would do anything to appear 'on the box'. Yet this sort of fleeting success is not the real answer to what we individually seek because it seldom lasts as long as we would wish. What each of us secretly craves, yet do not often admit, comes in three interrelated forms: recognition, respect and, ultimately, reward.

RECOGNITION
Though we do routine acts for their intrinsic enjoyment and value, the real thrill of carrying out a particular task or favour comes from hearing someone else say how 'good' or 'brilliant' it was. These words of appreciation – of genuine acknowledgement for our efforts – provide the essential oils to keep the light of motivation burning and to grease the wheels of endeavour. When we do not hear them we become doubtful and fretful of our ability to perform well and begin to question our own competence. We also become watchful of others, resentful of their success and inevitably critical and envious. This is not surprising because nothing kills the human spirit quicker than to be repeatedly ignored, constantly passed over and criticised when one is trying so hard.

We all like to feel our efforts are being recognised and, if there appears to be favourites who seem to be always getting the perks, and the attention, we tend to agonise, become uncooperative and low in self-esteem. We begin to wonder why we are treated differently and failure to get honest answers will negatively affect our perspective and production. External differences (like race, gender, disability) also become the focus as possible causes of the injustice. There are countless companies with increasingly low output because of gross mismanagement of staff. This is because all those words of encouragement are the vital forms of recognition we need to affirm our worth. When they are missing, our motivation goes with them too.

We are all too conscious of extrovert employees who are skilled at attracting attention to themselves, the chief executive officers of industry - and politicians - who can award themselves big pay rises, or middle managers who are perceived to have done wonderful things, while the ordinary worker is overlooked in the rush for recognition. Yet the smallest faulty cog in the largest machine can bring the whole thing to a halt, a fact which often underlies substandard production through the mismanagement of human resources. We feel wanted when our contributions seem to count and are encouraged. When this is not the case, our opinion of ourself becomes questionable and our self-esteem falls dramatically. We begin to minimise former achievements and to believe everyone else is 'better' and more deserving.


Changing Negative Labels
Without recognition, no matter how small, we have no value in our own eyes. Many adults believe they are 'failures' because somewhere in their childhood they have been repeatedly told they are either 'stupid', 'not as clever' as their brother/sister, or they're 'heading for disaster' , etc. They internalise these negative comments and, in time, come to believe them because no one else has told them otherwise. Even as adults, they often find it difficult to change these negative labels. With few positive reference points around them where it matters, they lack the confidence to believe in themselves, regardless of their potential.

Recognition has to be continuous too. We feel wanted when our contributions seem to matter and we are encouraged to actually make such efforts. If not, we immediately feel inadequate because we begin to doubt that we are as good as we used to be. That is why many people are often less bothered about a pay rise than getting the recognition they believe they deserve. For them, the extra pay may relieve financial burdens or improve their standard of living, but it is not a true barometer of their worth, neither does it affirm their value and competence in the eyes of peers who may also be getting the same pay. Without adequate recognition, once the novelty of the pay rise passes, they would be back to having feelings of self-doubt and low morale. Thus wherever pay is given the highest priority, there will also be very anxious individuals who often use the demand for extra money to compensate for their chronic lack of recognition.

True recognition comes in the form of gradual self-discovery followed by the acknowledgement of peers and superiors. To be widely recognised for who we are and what we have achieved is the ultimate in public accolade because it often reinforces what we believe of ourself. It raises our status above others, making us potential role models to be emulated. Recognition through acknowledgement precedes the next stage, respect.




CLICK HERE to test your LIFE QUALITY QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS. You might even be surprised at the results.

OR, Why have a look at what you REALLY want and note the 5 Magical Ingredients for Getting it!

Why New Year's Resolutions are Important

Every New Year's day I do my ritual of looking back at the past year to see how many of my resolutions I achieved. This year I counted 8 out of 12, over 66%. Some were not really applicable any more, so my success rate could be interpreted as even better than that. I felt very pleased with myself and have promptly made new resolutions for 2008.

Two weeks into the new year, you are likely to be struggling with those resolutions you have made to improve your life in some way. You are probably wondering why you bother, when it seems so difficult to stick to them. But hang in there! Persistence usually pays off. This time of year is rife with personal promises which reflect past disappointments, frustrated dreams, lost ideals, individual yearnings and aspirations. Some people are inclined to ridicule the idea of making resolutions and trying to stick with them. But making these objectives at the start of each year is as crucial to feelings of worth and progress as actually achieving them. Many people might get despondent at not sticking to them for a long time, but any effort is better than nothing. By focusing on something you desire, you are likely to have it because you will work harder for it.

Resolutions are not just whims or idle promises. They emphasise past progress and rekindle new hopes. They demarcate the past and the present into manageable sections which acknowledge effort as well as the obstacles. They are likely to relate to losing weight, getting a new job, meeting a new soulmate, getting promotion, starting a new course, travelling, giving up smoking, reducing excesses in our lives and developing a new attitude to life, among many others. We often get strung up on not achieving all or most of those resolutions, so we become demoralised by our perceived failures in our search for perfection and then cease to bother. However, achieving all the stated resolutions is not the point. What resolutions do, in fact, is help us to acknowledge the weaknesses and gaps in our lives and then make a commitment to improve them over the next year... a period which can be easily monitored. They also give us something to look forward to, as we will make a greater effort to achieve them. That is the essence of any resolution.


Changing priorities
Thus, achieving 100% of all our resolutions is unrealistic and a fallacy. Mainly because, by the time we reach the middle of the year, our priorities would probably have changed anyway, and what we started with as a special goal would not be so important anymore. If we achieve just 20% of our goals they will have an effect on us that was not foreseen and will actually push us along, gradually, towards the person we aspire to be, or the destination we have in mind. It is when we don't even try at all that our lives take a knocking and we stay in the same rut constantly, because the need to make resolutions means that something is missing from our life which would improve its quality. We cannot ignore it.

For example, if you made three goals (to find a partner, to see some of the world and to stop smoking), this is what is likely to happen. You may find the partner first, but she smokes too. Suddenly, the need to stop smoking might not be so important anymore because you have a kindred spirit to share it with. Or you might decide you don't want to travel after all because, having fallen in love, you will both be busy planning for life together and need the travel money. Though on the face of it, you achieved only ONE of your goals, it triggered other desires which then assumed greater priority. So you actually achieved more than you thought. It's a fixation with perfection which makes us blind to other unexpected blessings.

Making personal or career resolutions are thus very important. They provide the opportunity to review your life in the past year, review where you are going, review what you are lacking and put simple steps into place, for fulfilment within a given time frame. And that is no bad thing. Self-knowledge is the greatest route to power and self-confidence. It is all about personal development and purpose in your life. Nothing helps that process more than simple resolutions at crucial points in your life.

A very Prosperous and Successful New Year to everyone reading this, and best wishes for the fulfilment of your dreams in 2008!




CLICK HERE to try the PERSONAL POTENTIAL QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS. You might even be surprised at the results.

OR, Why not join in this week's TOPIC OF THE WEEK (Is it Better to Have Loved Than Not at All?) and leave a comment. Your input would be welcomed.

The Essence of Ambition: Do you have it?


Not one person in this world is genuinely without ambition or is indifferent to success and recognition. Anyone who gives an impression of not caring about advancement, or the need for others to grant recognition, has actually developed a self-defence mechanism to protect themselves from potential failure or rejection. Such people are most likely to have been hurt in the past, rejected by others they loved or wished to impress, being denied the recognition they openly sought or secretly craved. This experience would have severely damaged their confidence and belief in themselves, making them thin-skinned and wary. Rejecting the ways of the wider world, or their environment, allows them to feel more in control of their direction and development and less vulnerable to future hurt from others.

To cope with such disappointments in life or work, many people gradually redefine their status, reluctantly accepting themselves as less competent or less worthy. Some even create their own rules by dramatically changing their lifestyle, by derogating the one they have, and retreating into a more isolated existence somewhere else, often with other like-minded individuals which puts them firmly in leadership roles. Outwardly, they appear to be satisfied with their achievement or lack of it. However, their sense of injustice is never entirely vanquished, merely repressed to protect their self-esteem. Gradually, many tend to become increasingly bitter and critical of what they have rejected while perceiving themselves to be somewhat superior and above their peers.

Even within religion, those enthusiastic exponents of godliness, glory and goodness, have not been short of their share of ambition and fierce competition. They might be doing God's work without much financial reward but a bishop's mitre, or a cardinal's hat, would do nicely, thank you. Even for the most devoted among us, the ambition is to reach the reward of glory in the afterlife, so something is still being sought, whether on earth or in heaven, for fulfilling expectations and being model Christians, Jews, Muslims or anything else.


Ambition and Hope

In its basic form, ambition represents hope. Without a fully developed sense of ambition we tend to lower our expectations and deprive ourselves of the hope required, to expand our horizons, to keep us going, and to keep our cherished desires alive. It also engenders competition because our ambition matches us against others and pushes us to our maximum. It may be true that too much ambition can make us cynical bounty hunters without any real commitment, but too little hope removes us from the competitive arena of life, retarding our development. We are then reduced to watching from the sidelines instead of being part of the action or influencing it. Gradually, we settle for second best while we quietly wish our life away with regrets.

If your ambition is low, start raising your sights today by addressing your fears, first of all. You are not really in competition with anyone else. The main aim is the ultimate YOU can possibly achieve and how much of your potential you can realise, regardless of what is happening to your peers or colleagues. We are all awesome beings with hidden capabilities, but we will never find out just how much until we allow ambition to propel us forward.

Who knows? Raising your sights just that little bit could help you conquer your own special mountain. If it is very high, just allow it to take you as far as you feel comfortable. It might be a wee bit scary, but it will be a great adventure, with lots of fun and learning along the way. Just think how marvelous you will feel when you achieve your own secret ambition and conquer your particular fears in the process. I can assure you, there will be nothing like it!


CLICK HERE to try the SUCCESS QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS. You might even be surprised at the results. Do SIGN her guestbook and even leave a comment.
OR why not join in this week's TOPIC OF THE WEEK and give and opinion?
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There is a LOT to keep you occupied in the way of articles, quizzes, recommended books, and even simple fun and games when you're tired of the serious stuff! ENJOY!

Why a Permanent Job is Bad for You


You're young, keen and 21. You may have just left training college or university. You feel you could rule the world and you have the answers to all the unasked questions. On top of that, you have an interview coming up soon, a permanent job on the horizon offering good pay, good perks and pretty good prospects. All that money and security, what more could anyone want as a starter?

It is 15, maybe 20 years later and, yes, you did get that wonderful job which you had to accept, along with everything else that you found went with it: the perks, the pitfalls and the pension. You may be one of the lucky few who made it to the top and are reviewing your achievement and options from a great height, and with few regrets. Fantastic. More likely, you are staring at a blank wall in front of you, doodling vacantly on an equally blank page, bored stiff with the type of work you're doing which has long passed its done-by date, ruefully reminiscing on where it all went wrong.

What have you achieved, during that time, you wonder? Nothing much, is the plaintive cry. Wistfully, you dream of missed opportunities long since gone; of things you might have done with your life, could have done and definitely won't get done before you retire. At least you still have your dreams and your pension.

If only you had done this, or that, life would be so much better. But words are cheap and easy; just about the only things that are, these days, while actions are much harder. And time is flying by, much too fast for you to notice. As you already know, it's a very costly job you've got, not least for your ambitions and sense of achievement. However, there is one crumb of comfort left: you are not unique.


Foiled Ambitions
Millions of people are trapped in a continuous loop of foiled ambitions, crumpled hopes and fading dreams. Everywhere disillusioned staff cling precariously to delusions of enjoyment with fixed haunted smiles stuck fast to their faces, the consequence of hastily exchanging valuable talent for what looked like the key to eternal happiness - a permanent job where they never have to worry - and repenting at leisure ever since.

A job for life may offer security, good conditions, a pension and career development, to some extent, but you could pay a hefty price for it in the form of a loss of personal creativity and development, freedom of thought, individual choice and personal initiative. Any job which lasts longer than 7 years without diverging or changing is bad for both employer and worker. That is why some of the unhappiest workers are in permanents jobs, especially in the public services. Fear of unemployment and not being able to pay the relentless bills keep them stuck in a groove of demotivation which robs them of their sense of worth and their confidence. It can even make them physically ill - as shown by the high absentee rate for many organisations. This is not so surprising when one considers the deleterious effects of a lack of change and challenge.

Human beings need to be creative and to constantly strive for excellence if they are to attain personal fulfilment. That's how we grow and extend ourselves. Yet true creativity and job satisfaction are inversely related to any permanent post. The longer we are in situ, the less creative we are, the more we hang on to the traditional 'tried and tested' ways of doing things and the more dissatisfied and inward looking we become. The opportunities for personal growth gradually decrease as we learn the job and stay put, no longer intellectually or creatively challenged, but deathly afraid to do anything else in case we are found wanting. In fact the longer we are in any post the less worthy we believe we are of getting another job, which is rather strange considering our increased knowledge and experience.


New Initiatives and Enthusiasm
On the other side, employers need to take advantage of new innovations and ideas to compete within their markets. Continuous success depends upon monitoring rivals and recruiting new blood who will bring in fresh ideas, enthusiasm, new initiatives and vitality. Having the same employees forever might engender stability, loyalty, full commitment and experience but, more than likely, it also encourages stagnation, fear of change, 'yes' workers, fear of 'rocking the boat', and a lack of personal risk-taking to protect the mortgage payments.

Old unchanging habits also lead to entrenched stereotypes, an unhealthy emphasis on tradition for its own sake (in place of what is right and just), narrow self-reflection, reaction instead of proaction and a reluctance to allow for other points of view. Invariably, it is always difficult for an employee to give of his/her best if there is no regular incentive. Everything attached to a permanent job, apart from bonuses, is already decided. Only an intrinsic sense of pride in the work brings its own rewards. For many people, that soon proves inadequate, though none of this happens overnight. It is a stealthy process which creeps up on us long before we are even aware of it.

CLICK HERE to try the SUCCESS QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS. You might even be surprised at the results. Do SIGN her guestbook and even leave a comment.

OR, Why not join in this week's TOPIC OF THE WEEK (Can Pupils Learn 'Britishness'?) and leave a comment. Your input would be welcomed.

There is a LOT to keep you occupied in the way of articles, quizzes, recommended books, and even simple fun and games when you're tired of the serious stuff! ENJOY!

The Biggest Reason For Not Finding a Soulmate


Today we have more people searching for new partners than ever before with even more stories of them failing to find the right ones, without anyone really appreciating why the constant mismatch goes on. Obviously we can all point to various reasons why two people do not hit it off at the beginning, but I have been doing some quiet research on what people put into their online profiles regarding their search for soulmates and have come up with a fascinating answer for the lack of success in this regard.

Men and women advertise their needs and desires erroneously thinking they are speaking the same language of love, but they are not. They speak conflicting languages of expectation which often get lost in translation. Women are inclined to believe that men are seeking the same things as they are: romance, love and the usual trimmings. That is not quite the case with many men who are more practical and less emotional in their desires. In fact, men appear to be seeking two things in a partner which women seldom mention: understanding and an activity mate. It is NOT the same as seeking love. In fact, where the word 'love' comes as varying levels of a check box, men very rarely put that they are 'Extremely loving, or very loving'. Often they put 'quite loving' or nothing at all.

Men seem to have a deep-seated need to be 'understood', and it comes out as a consistent priority on their profiles. Whereas women have this need to be romanced and loved, with as much affection as possible. A man might say that loving is part and parcel of being understood and sharing activities, but that misses the vital point of coming together - to be loved and wanted in an emotional way. Many men appear to be seeking an activity partner who just might bring some love with her, because they constantly mention how they want a companion to share the various fun activities they like to enjoy. Many women, on the other hand, are seeking a very loving and romantic man who might wish to do some things together. The two perspectives are really not the same! They carry a major difference in expectations within them.

Conflicting Gender Speak ?
Often women simply want someone to love them; one they can love in return, who makes them feel valued and with whom they can do whatever they please when the moment arises. Activities are not essential in this oasis of love and desire. If they never go away for a weekend, for example, it doesn't really matter, so long as the man is there for them. Whereas, 'activity' people are simply seeking company for their activities with a little love thrown in, if they can get it. The emphasis is in going away and doing things regularly. Not just staying at home to be loved! If they can be 'understood' too, that's a great bonus as well! That is also why many men select 'being energetic' as a vital requirement in their partner, whereas far fewer women state that attribute in their choice of soulmates.

Apart from seeking perfection in potential partners, the gender view of the whole dating process is an important factor for failure, yet has not really been examined and explored in enough depth. One only has to look at the words used by men and women to realise that expectations clearly go along gender lines which then creates a problem in interpretation.

For example, while women tend to be more emotional in expression, stressing personality and idealistic characteristics, men tend to be more physical, particularly requiring definite types in height, build and hair. This difference in language also ensures that what one party thought would clarify and define their desires merely obscures it in conflicting gender speak for the other. It also keeps the genders from appreciating the needs of each other.




CLICK HERE to try the DATING COMPATIBILITY QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS.

You might even be surprised at the results. Do SIGN her guestbook and even leave a comment.

There is a LOT to keep you occupied in the way of articles, quizzes, recommended books, and even simple fun and games when you're tired of the serious stuff! ENJOY!

How Ambitious Are You?

Four hundred years ago, Sir Walter Raleigh, British explorer extraordinaire, successful courtier and poet, fancied by Queen Elizabeth the 1st, suffered a crisis of conscience. He loved the Queen and she liked him too, but not being royal caused him much anguish regarding any kind of romantic liaison between them.

In a moment of whimsy and heartache, he used his diamond ring to etch the following lovesick statement on his window pane: "Fain (willingly) would I climb, yet fear I to fall." The Queen, seeming a little impatient with his dithering and obvious lack of confidence, wrote underneath, "If thy heart fails thee, climb not at all"!

Much closer to our own age, nearly 120 years ago, another poet, Scotsman Robert Browning, was more forthright: "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"

These two examples illustrated a marked difference in the degree of love ambition the two men possessed. Despite his great courage elsewhere as an adventurer, Raleigh felt inadequate because all he could see was the possibility of failing, not the thrill of the chase or the glory of winning. Browning's ambition was boundless, without false barriers, and gave him love and immortality.

Your reaction to the title of this article is likely to depend upon your gender. In our modern times ambition is an ambiguous concept which lends itself easily to contrasting gender applications and sexist malice. For example, men seem more comfortable in accepting ambition as a natural and expected part of their life. Ambition is considered an essential ingredient for the dominant male in his quest for success. He is likely to be seen as a rising star and potential high achiever; one to watch and nurture. A woman similarly endowed is often regarded as 'pushy', 'aggressive' or 'butch', words that are not exactly complimentary and are deliberately meant to imply an absence of the more 'softer' feminine traits.


Negative Labels
For women, too much ambition is perceived as a negative attribute, suggesting notions of self-fulfilment and importance way above their 'station' in their bid to compete with men. In view of this perspective, many females are often labelled 'ambitious' and 'very intelligent' at unsuccessful interviews, the words suddenly assuming a derogatory nuance because of their female context.

This attitude could have much to do with the general understanding of the word itself. Ambition is often confused with the need for power, but that is only one small aspect of it. Ambition is actually tied to realising the extent of our capabilities while coming to terms with our innermost desires. Personal potential cannot be achieved by doing nothing and hanging back. We have to constantly go forward, testing ourselves to the limit at every opportunity, pushing against individual boundaries, to ensure complete self-fulfilment.

Much frustration is caused by people who are ignorant of their own potential and, for numerous reasons, are secretly afraid to find out. Like Raleigh, they are too hung up on that possible failure instead of concentrating on the experience itself and the gains to be had. In this way, their growth is stunted from the very beginning. Others might give an air of nonchalance, and contemptuous disdain for their ambitions, while masking secret, unfulfilled, frustrating desires.

At some point, we have all come in contact with the seemingly quiet type who gets on with his or her job and wishes for nothing else, outwardly disdaining material things or promotion, emphasising how 'happy' they are in what they are doing and need nothing else. Or they might detach themselves from ambitious goals. Such people appear to have no need to join the rat race, having rejected the cultural and societal norms around them. Instead, they keep their distance from anything which even hints at advancement for its own sake.

Well, that's what we are supposed to see, but look again closely because there is no such free spirit.




Have you got what it takes to be REALLY SUCCESSFUL? CLICK HERE to try the MILLIONAIRE QUIZ on Elaine's Den - her personal website that deals with all her expertise in one place: DATING, AGEING, RELATIONSHIPS, CONFIDENCE and SUCCESS. You might even be surprised at the results. Do SIGN her guestbook and even leave a comment.

There is a LOT to keep you occupied in the way of articles, quizzes, recommended books, and even simple fun and games when you're tired of the serious stuff! ENJOY!

Today my son, André, is 36 years old. He is a very handsome, talented and a loving computer genius and I am very proud of his life and achievements. Though we've not spoken since I left my marriage, it has not dimmed the love and appreciation I will always feel for him. Often it is easy to find scapegoats to blame in life, but no one is ever all bad or all good, neither are they undeserving of love and forgiveness. I hope we will soon put the sad past behind us and enjoy the precious time we have left together.

I dedicate this blog to André and wish him the greatest happiness and success for this new year of his life. Whatever he is doing today, and wherever he is, I hope he is having a fabulous celebration because he is an awesome individual!

My Dear André!

All my love and hugs. Mom xxxxxx



I found this little poem and thought I would share it with you as it says perfectly how I feel today.




Happy Birthday Means Much More


"Happy Birthday" means much more
Than have a happy day.

Within these words lie lots of things
I never get to say.

It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.

It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I'm proud of you.

But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of you
on this very special day,
And give thanks for your presence.
Happy Birthday.

Hello Everyone

It's been a while...a long while. But it feels nice to be back. Thank you all for being there for me.

Every day one sees many poignant messages being sent round on MySpace relating to the great aspects of friendship. I often wondered how many of us could live up to some of the fine, idealistic words we sent to others. Well, I was to test it sooner than I realised. A week after my birthday in April my diabetes began to play up. My readings shot through the roof and the doctors decided that my tablets were no longer working and had to put me on insulin urgently for the first time.

For the next 8 weeks it was hell on earth as my body rejected the insulin, my readings shot up even more. I became so very ill that one day I was told to have an ambulance on standby because the nurse thought my readings were at coma levels. It was high drama. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I do not live with anyone just now, even though I have been fortunate to have had boyfriends at strategic times, and my children are not in touch, so it was a pretty frightening time on my own without relatives here either. I also did not wish to burden the few close friends i already had but who were mainly in London.

But, the Universe is awesome when it is ready and, out of nowhere, from my front page on MySpace, this lady emerged to be with me on that painful journey. She suggested we chat a couple weeks before my birthday, not knowing what was about to happen, and I thought how lovely she sounded when we first spoke, if a little reticent, and continued to be in touch after that.




But for the next three months since my illnss began, this kind, generous lady, talked to me almost every day from Wales, being concerned, checking progress cajoling, advising, encouraging, motivating, inspiring and helping me through that awful morass. "I feel like you're my new sister," she said cheerfully, as she tried to keep my spirits up on days when they were at rock bottom. She kept thanking me for being in her life and boosting her confidence, but she had little knowledge of what HER presence was doing to my life at that moment in time. At one stage when I happened to mention how I didn't know where any money would come from, not having been able to work, she offered to send £20 to me, yet she had so little money herself. I was so moved, I cried my heart out with gratitude at the sheer compassion she showed me. My pride would never have allowed me to take it, but to know that someone I have never met could be so kind was overwhelming.

Thank you GWENLLIAN for being there for me in my hour of need. Somehow, thanks does not seem enough, but that's all I've got. I hope you accept it.

In the meantime, 185 messages kept coming on my profile, enquiring where I was, wondering where my bulletins were and wishing me well, especially from JOHN, whom I had not spoken to much. As if on cue, he suddenly started to send messages almost daily a few weeks ago, for whatever reasons known only to him. Even though I have not been able to reply to a single one, that hasn't seemed to deter him. His comments just keep coming. Thank you John, and everyone else who got in touch, for the awesome show of love. MySpace has had a great effect on my life in many ways and I will forever give thanks for your friendship.

Apologies for anything I have missed which matters to you, and a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all those whose birthdays I wasn't able to respond to. My illness has taught me that we can always be 'friends' in superficial ways, but it is actions, especially when it matters, that separate real friends from others.

I hope you are all having the most magical week. Thanks for being in my life.

Should Cheating Husbands be Forgiven?

Only once. If you keep forgiving that person, the respect will gradually go as they repeat it for good measure.

The reason why cheating husbands deserve forgiveness at least once is because no one leaves a fulfilling and satisfactory relationship to seek happiness elsewhere. Something is missing from that home, more likely communication, sex, attention, appreciation, affection or simply being heard. Often wives do not want to address the issue, pretending there isn't a problem and the man is simply being unreasonable. Instead, they are likely to put all the blame, hurt or pain squarely on the the cheating husbands while continuing in the same vein. Of course, nothing gets any better while the resentment and mistrust get worse.

The problem with many relationships is that women tend to cope differently with problems than men. Most women would prefer to discuss it or sulk etc., until it is sorted or addressed. Many men genuinely believe that if they are unhappy, they should bear it quietly or seek solace outside. In that way 'no one gets hurt', especially as they believe they won't be found out. Except, of course, that they are found out in many instances and then things get even worse. Everyone is entitled to one mistake or negative action. However, repeated behaviour by one party which clearly hurts the other, means there is a basic lack of respect for the spouse. Forgiving an act which is hurtful only to have it repeated clearly demonstrates that the situation will never get any better.

That's why once is clearly enough. If a person is truly penitent, and their needs are also addressed, instead of the situation being glossed over or ignored, they won't repeat their actions again. As to forgiveness itself, one should forgive every time simply because we free ourselves too with the act of forgiving. But NOT continually in the same situation, otherwise forgiveness gradually takes the place of addressing the misdemeanor which will merely be repeated. The best thing to do is to leave him because constant betrayal also makes the wronged spouse feel rejected, inadequate, low in self-esteem, neglected and unloved...and that's not a nice feeling at all to live with daily.


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