I don't really know what to say you piss me off when you do these things

I tried to give you a better day

I wish I could fly away, I wish I had wings

so tell me, what's it gonna be can you tell me, him or me?

what does he have that I don't?

what can he do that I won't?

we tried to work it out

when we try that, you always shout

so what's the point in us talking

when everything we say is shocking??

so did you make your choice to leave?

all I can say is you are so stupid

if you go, there is one thing you should know

you are the one that wanted to let go

so go ahead leave now

break your every vow

just don't forget those things you said to me

and just think of how perfect we could be

if you decide to stay

I will walk away

no point in waiting for you

because of the stupid things you do!

{dedicated to the one i loved before }

My first Heartbreak
Meeting you was a mistake
I've poured myself into you
And now I don't know what to do
I take the pictures off my wall
Making me sick just to recall
Can't see your face anymore
Life will never be what it was before
Losing those hours we talked at night
I'll say I'm fine, but I'm not alright
I'm happy as just your friend, is what I'll write
But the truth is, it's all a lie
I can't handle what you've said
You've destroyed me so, I feel like I'm dead
As I read what you had written to me
I lost myself, all my energy
I lay limp on the floor
You were what I was living for
Now there seems to be nothing left
My soul full of pure regret
I almost wish I had never met you
Then I would never have to be going through
This mess and confusion inside my head
Wishing I could just forget
But there will never be anyone like you
No one else who could pull me through
No one else who could make me laugh
No one else could ever be half
Of what you were to me
One of a few that could see me
The real me
I thought we could be
I can't imagine anyone else
After feeling all that I have felt
No one could know me like you do
I always wondered if you see me like I see you
But now I have that answer, and I have no one to go to
Why did you lead me along?
How could you not see how much that was wrong?
Everything's ruined, and my heart is shattered
But I guess I was never anything that mattered
You'll find someone else, I'm sure
But now I'm alone, and insecure
No one wants a guy like me
But I thought maybe, you might
But I was wrong
A fool all along
Believing something that wasn't there
I thought that you might have cared
But now you made it perfectly clear
That nothing was ever here
So when I got your message, it stung so bad
I wanted to hold on to something I never had
My eyes swelled up with tears
I wanted to be anywhere else but here
I can't stop crying
Inside I'm just dying
I'm sick of trying
And all the lying
I know I should be there as your friend
But for me, it just seems like a dead end
You think we're too much the same
…and somehow that's just a shame?
I don't get it
Seems like you want to commit
To someone more ardent
Which I am clearly of a lesser extent
So if I continue as your best friend
And you suddenly found a boyfriend
You would devastate me, and tear me down
I'd go under water, and surely drown
My heart would be beyond broken
A heart that was never able to mend

I have a friend
Who is perfect for me
he listens to all my problems
No matter how dumb they may be

he likes himself for who he is
And never tries to change
he tells me to be myself
And that I should never change

he is shy to Talk
But he would still Talk
And we would talk for hours
About nothing at all

We would talk about love and life
And discuss what we wanted to be
He knew just how I felt
And how happy I could be

He listens to me patiently
But never judges what I do or say
He helped with all my problems
And never went away

I never once felt judged by him
How much that meant to me
That I could tell him all my dreams
And he would listen to me patiently

My friend never goes and tells
What is dear to me
He keeps it all bottled up inside
And doesn't spread it like a bee

I am thankful for that friend of mine
Our friendship will never end
And he will always be there
For He is my best friend

....

I carry a piece of you with me
Even now that you're gone
So many times you left
But it's hard for me to move on

When every time I meet someone
I wait for them to leave
I never think I'm good enough
Like I once believed

I'm afraid of getting attached
Of loving once again
Because you showed me every beginning
Always leads to an end

I wait to see the signs
That they are just like you
To see it in their eyes
That they think I'm nothing, too

Because of What Happened, I run from the light
So the darkness can't creep up behind me
But even though you're out of my life
Your hate always finds me

All you ever made me feel
Was that I was your mistake
I just wish that you could see how it feels
To be living in your wake

                                                   XOXOXOXOX

Sometimes...
we take more than we give, never realizing it until we sit and ponder and it hits us so hard almost knocking us down..knowing all we had been given was truly a priceless treasure ,God somehow had this precious gift come into our lives for an unknown reason.
We give more than we take, feeling at times quite drained..though, the sheer satisfaction of seeing someone happy and smile, the twinkle in their eye..knowing we were the reason it was so shiny.

Sometimes..we feel we'll stop giving ; giving so very much, yet it's hard when it's part of our warm, caring heart to do anything but just that.
we love more than we should ,not stopping to take a breath or to stop doing good things along the way, holding onto that moment..trying to freeze that memory in our minds forever.
we love too little in fear, holding onto the walls we've built up so proudly around our hearts and souls, not wanting to let anyone in for fear that if they really saw more than they should..they'd be gone.
we cry sometimes, far too much..yet; the tears do clean the soul so when we are ready to meet our Keeper in Heaven, the souls will be pure and white.
we smile in worst memories, of memories past and memories yet to be made..holding onto hopes and dreams that one day, we won't be alone again.

SO never stop giving .....