Thanks to everyone who came down to the gig this past Saturday! On the plus side, we had Matt Schmitt guesting on the mike for the beginning of the night--Kev had work obligations and had to miss the first set, damn you Third Eye Blind!--so we played some tunes we've not done in awhile and one we've never played, Would. On the not-go-great side, we had both Fanelli AND Kevin sick as dogs, to the point that Kev's voice completely blew out and Dave's about one song later. Solution? Drag patrons onstage and play blues numbers! Scary! Actually, Mike Hatfield did a very good Red House, which also had Louvie blowing some hot harp, unfortunately my playing was every bit as terrible as one could imagine--blues, not my thing, sorry. Both James Marshall Hendrix and SRV were rolling over in their respective graves. Fortunately before things got too awfull, Matt re-appeared, and we rocked the last set, whew! Our tribute to the fallen Gloved One didn't get the reaction I expected, maybe if Kevin'd moonwalked? I thought we actually played Beat It  pretty well, although Eddie Van has little to fear from my solo attempt and Kev sang the verse in G major*, which made everything sound gregorian. Hey, we learned it on the spot!
This week we play Kemo'o Farms for the first time in forever, with special guest singer Matt, then it's our nation's B-day and the Rose, hopefully with all Elephants at full strength...


*for those musicially inclined, it's in E minor--well, Eb min 'cause they down-tune

So, how's the week treating you so far? I'm still recovering from the weekend--what a drag it is getting old, not complaining, mind you. Saturday's double header really knocked me down. The gig out at Ewa was super fun, families and kids, so Kev couldn't cuss up a storm--hilariously, when he G-rated the lyrics to Basketcase, the squad of pre-teen girls singing along sang the words correctly--one of the older ones looked annoyed at us for getting words "wrong"! There were rhytmic cartwheels which in retrospect should've been a warning to the shenaegans that were yet to come at the I.R.S.
So, we get to the Rose and almost start on time and the first set was both not energetic AND "jazzy"--I started Can't Stand Losing You in the wrong key and then got the BRILLIANT idea to modulate a half-step on the 1st chorus which caused Kevin to momentarily sound like William Hung--the worst part is I was stone cold sober! Must remember to never be sober. (kidding, must remember to not suck) Anyway, second set we had the arrival of the star of the evening, Mz. Overserved--I'll call her that as that's what she was from the get-go. She had two friends in tow, who were both far more syncopated* intially. So, she's cute, very flirtly--actually too flirtly, if such a thing is possible**--and an enthusiastic dancer, usually with 2 or more partners. All good so far. Then the Bud Lights get drunk. LOTS of Bud Light. Then, well. you had to be there--you know how when a couple starts making out in public and it's like "Get a room"? At one point that "room" was the I.R.S. stage, right at my feet It's a fine line between dirty dancing and dry humping except for young Mz. Overserved. Dryhumping, dancing. whatevers--there's video evidence somewhere. By the time the bartenders had cut her off***  Overserved got carried out by her (now) comparatively sober friends, much to the disappointment of the seaman**** in his dress whites who'd been her "dance partner". Hopefully she'll remember how all those $1 bills ended up in her bra, or the Elephant sticker on her right breast...


On a much less comical note, local musician and fellow P-Boys alum Bud Cerio passed away recently--he was a big guy, with big heart, and a way better guitar player than I'll ever be. My second fave version of the Piranha Brothers was the one with two guitarists, Bud and Greg V. (also a way better picker than me) and I remember pestering Mike to ditch Greg and hire me (!) what, 10 years ago?



*[sing-kuh-pey-tid, sin-] adj., from syncopation. 1) a staggering motion from bar to bar; 2) drunkeness. From my imaginary dictionary of drinky-drunk terms.
**I'm flattered you wanna make out with me, really. Hands OUT of my shorts, please.
***you DO have a cute ass, but get it off the bar! And, sweetie, both the bartenders are hot chicks so they're not impressed with your junk, their junk is nicer
****oooo, accidental pun!

Blah blah blah-didah. I should just post that, it'd make the blog quicker to read. Anyhoots, big ups to everyone who came out to see 2/5 of the Love Gods this past Saturday. Andrew did an amazing job, especially on the half dozen songs we chucked at him without rehearsal, or warning for that matter! I just realized we forgot to play Immigrant's Song, we actually practiced that one and it sounded good, darn it. We got the erstwhile J.D. Commando to play Andrew's pretty red bass on the Ramones, well, duh, but more fun, Jeff did a great Jello Biafra impression on Too Drunk To Fuck, after bartender Dean (the guy who's been pestering us forever to play the song) demurred on singing it. Always had a soft spot in my head for the Dead Kenndeys... The entire I.R.S. crew went down to Coconut Willie's for some pau hana drinking and ran into various rock stars--the singer from Soulution and Dan from Analog--actually, we had some rockstars at the Irish as well, half of Kev's original music band was there, Danny and the bass guy who I was never introduced to, Resistor fans dancing--speaking of, you need an Elephant shirt to wear at GBs.
If you're in Waikiki this afternoon, Kev and I are playing @ RumFire for some bartendering contest (?) at 4:00, should be interesting.

Aloha all! So, Kopps is on the mainland this weekend, so we have the Elephant debut of the younger McLellan, Andrew on the low end! For those of you with memories like a, well, you know, both Andrew and Elephant bassist Emeritus Steve McLellan were in a band with yours truly called the Love Gods waaaaay back in the early '90s--the earliest version of what would become the Big Rock Stampede even had Jon Glasser, Love God's drummer, wacking the tubs! Andrew's played with us once before @ Kelley's, if memory serves. Anyhoots, he's a great player and all-around pun-ishing guy (talk to him, he's the king of groanworthy puns, seriously) Sexy Rexie'll be stoked, he LOVED the Love Gods.

How was your weekend? Ours rocked! The 2nd anniversary of the Irish Rose went off--strangely enough, there were less people at the "free food/cheap booze" portion of the day than last year, but a ton more for the Big Rock Stampede part of the night! We had slam-dancing, stage diving--no, really--all sorts of genial mayhem. The best part of the evening for me and Dave was seeing Allison & Chuck, even if it was just for a minute.  Thanks to Kym* and Sunny, and all the other Elephant faithful for being so amazing, all the staff who got loaded and danced--Brit-Brit did the splits, I saw it! The HPU crew and all who made out Saturday AND Sunday; April, Laura, Emma (and her dad who requested Stand By Your Man, which'd been awesome if we knew it ) and Patrick, who didn't dance under a fat girl's skirt like last year--thank God, as I would've been the fat chick. For those who weren't there, I figured since it was the birthday of an Irish bar, the staff members would be wearing kilts--hell, we did for St. Pat's--but turns out there was no memo, so it was only me rockin' the man-skirt. Left me hanging, literally, thanks a bunch guys. No biggie, except one musician from the group performing earlier (hint: it wasn't Tom or Dave) decided that my legs were the most amusing things ever. Okay, my gut, sad, but my legs are just fine, abet really hairy...
We had the lovely Dyan, Janice and handsome Chris representing on Saturday, which was super cool. Kinda slowish, but we rocked, props to Scott for grace under pressure--think he'd played a total of half the tunes with us before. It was cool doing Love Removal Machine, haven't done that one regularly in awhile.

*have fun in Virgina Beach! Gonna make it back East someday...

Hey, quick note: next weekend the Artist formerly Known As Pink Cadilliac turns 2 years old and we're there to celebrate! As we're fond of pointing out, Elephant brought the Big Rock Stampede the very first night the Irish Rose Saloon opened at it's new location--the paint was literally not dry yet--and then played the official grand opening a few weeks later! Bill, Fred, and Patrick have been mighty good to us and to all the other bands that play there, so we're having only the second Church Of Elephant in '09 in their honor! Saturday has special guest skin-basher Scotty, and Sunday'll have newly graduated David A. Fanelli on the throne, hopefully Sexie-Rexy as well. And the best part? The Piranha Brothers are opening!

Aloha all!
Busy week, y'all--the Elephant Trio +1 gig went down without a hitch, other than being a million times more stressfull than normal--Arron brought it seriously well, he didn't beg off when we sprung Immigants Song on him unannounced! (that song is like 2 1/2 minutes of singer death) We had Shannon, Eric O'Donnell and Kelly up as the +1 for various tunes, but 3/4 of the night was the best power trio in town--Kiwiboardist was down for the count as well--and no false modesty, we rocked. Big ups to Dave for singing and pounding the skins, my "singing" was NOT praiseworthy, good thing I play guitar pretty well
We had a guest drummer on Cinco De Mayo, Scotty of Resistor/Jim Hubbard Band fame, there were Hooters girls in bikinis and bodypaint, I drank Coronas and Tequila --thanks Andrew!--and ended up @ the I.R.S. and Kelleys, adding one to the hordes of amauters out drinking! The guys in Analog drug me up to play a couple of tunes--check 'em up, they're firing on all cylinders after some false starts. They played a neat original song while I was there, and are you kidding? Snow Patrol*!?? Kings Of Leon?!! Great tunes, great guys. And, yes April, I made it home.
This past Saturday was full force Elephant, and the crowd was crazy--we had some military friends who tried to climb inside the speakers--wasn't quite loud enough, apparently--we had a dancer onstage, usually a Bozo-nono, but as cute as she was, I'm gonna kick her off? Think not. We had Matt, Arron, and Kev trading off on the encore--we should learn No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn, that'd be fun! And we get to do it all again this weekend!
Check out the "videos' page, there's a bit of ridiculous Porter prehistory unearthed:

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=57205496

God, I'm an idiot...

*don't care if it's uncool--I fucking love Snow Patrol.

Aloha all!
Another great weekend down--what the crowd might have lacked in numbers, they more than made up in boozy enthusiasm. We had a bachlorette (sp?) party early, with one of the better impromto lapdances in recent memory--sexy brunette dancer, yes, those were perfect breasts, thanks for reminding the band what perfect breasts look like! Seriously hot. We had some military guys slamdancing, which is usually a big no-no but they kept it fun, which brought a smile. We had our Sunday faithful out on Saturday--notice how I jumped Don't Fear the Reaper up the playlist? Just for you! I think the Kiwiboardist got to play every song he knows--shit, didn't play Clocks, okay most of the tunes he knows.
Looks like this week'll have guest vocals helping us out, including one very special singer (no, not retarded! you're mean!) coming late, which I'm looking forward to. I think last time frontguy begged off, I "sang" 5 songs--gonna shoot for twice that many this time, so bring your earplugs...

Aloha!
Phew, what a weekend! For those who were out-and-about on Friday, your eyes did not deceive, there was half of Elephant checking out Karma at the Irish on Friday. Apparently, this past Friday was a very popular day to be born--I started @ Bar 35 downtown and O'Tooles helping an old GF celebrate another trip around the Sun, then met up with Brit-Brit, Emma, the mighty Kopper, et al at the I.R.S. for April AND Dean's natal day annihilation, which had an afterparty I'm quite hazy on at Kelley O'Neills. (for those keeping track, that'd be a Bill and Fred owned bar Trifecta) Kudos to Mr. McGrail for gettting yours truly home.
Saturday we had Busekrus playing the Star 101.9 thingy before us, and if you get the chance, check 'em out, they're friggen' awesome--think they play Kemo'o Farms regularly. Songs as catchy as mono, energetic players, just fun as all get out. It was also great to see my friend Kathy-with-a-K who came down to check the Big Rock Stampede out, thanks!
We had an evening of technical difficulties, but as my friend Hojo is fond of saying "It's a poor craftsman who blames his tools", so we soldiered on. Arron came up, so we did a Cult song that I can't remember the last time we played--Love Removal Machine, we had the HPU lovelies back, woo hoo!, just another rocking night, and that makes 200 shows by Elephant. My 100% attendance streak remains intact!

Aloha to the 50 or so people that read my random scatterlings! Howzit brah/tita?! Hopefully you've survived tax day--mine was both expensive and embarassing for reasons I won't elaborate, whatevers. Hey, thanks for continuing to support our little sonic experiment called Elephant! Despite the economy being dire, despite school being out, despite OUR being lame to be frank, you all keep coming out and rocking with us, which is the one thing the guitar player can look forward to in his otherwise sad little life. This last week was a treat as as James from my former band the Love Gods was visting from Singapore again and we did a couple of songs from our coffee house days, A Midlife's Tale, (a great song, I was sad our buddy Kenny wasn't there to hear it)  Fisherman's Blues, (ironically, a song another buddy also named Kenny should've heard) and Throw Your Arms Around Me, quite possibly the best song ever written by an Australian*--if you only know the Pearl Jam cover, you're missing out, it's a killer tune even though I kinda played it crap. Crowded House does a version that makes me cry every time I hear it.  Apparently Sexy Rexy had a bit of a starstruck moment playing with James and me because the first band he heard when he arrived in Hawaii was the Love Gods at the Wave Waikiki, an amazing club, and amazing band to boot.
Hey, wanna be a dick? Call or email the Honolulu Weekly and pester them for leaving the mighty Elephant outta their weakly callender for the last 2 months--- umm, callender editor--fuck you? really. And they fired their only non-crap writer, the mighty Dean ,  so we know they're circling the toilet. Fuck 'em and the horse they swiped money from...


*okay,  Dave Faulkner is genius, no doubt. And the Young brothers
but the Finns are Kiwis, never forget.