"If everything below the neck is fine, and she could keep her head up, then she could walk around and live," said Henry Kawamoto, a Los Angeles-based specialist in facial plastic surgery. "And if she did that, she really would be a goddess."

"As a writer, if you took away my paper I would write on my own heart.  If you took away my ink I would write on the wind.  It wouldn't be an ideal way to work...."
                 -Garth Marenghi

"The mashed potatoes defiantly stood their ground against the gravy, as if they'd read The Artist's Way and said, "I'm going to be boring and forgetful in my own potato-y way!"  -Patton Oswalt
click the link and read the rest, I dares you ; p

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians"  - Rev Pat Robertson

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" - Unknown

"That's exactly what I told the therapist on the phone, that I needed to see her because I was having "post-traumatic wedding disorder"
-anon

"You don't need a license to drive a sandwich."
-SpongeBob SquarePants

"When the legend becomes fact, print the legend."
-Maxwell Scott in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance 1962

AMIDST THE NOISE AND HASTE
and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull
& ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud & aggressive persons, for they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others; you may become vain & bitter;
for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real
possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nature strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
but do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gently with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should.
Therefor be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life
keep peace with your soul.
With al its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be careful. Strive to be happy.
~Max Erhmann