I had fun with this..the lazy blogger's tool: http://www.aussiebloggers.com.au/blogpost.html

Goodness Gracious I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since long before Shakespeare wast a boy... You would not believe how insane my life has become. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness..

I am totally and utterly flat out with work, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a nuisance to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is passing in a blur from 4am to whenever. I am so exhausted. I need a nap.

I won't promise anything to you but think of me as I battle mine enemies. Peace! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public.

I'm only posting because I'm embarrased about how long it's been since I've done so.  I really have nothing significant to post...

Work is busy, but good. A new training specialist started June 2, who does my 'old' job.  This frees me to the administrative world. Not my favorite place to be, but I see it CLEARLY as God's will for me.

I'll admit I wish I was working directly with teachers and kids, but just can't do both. My spritual director made a great analogy for me.  He asked me to imagine kids who didn't have shoes or enough food to eat... would that be disruptive to their education, including their faith-formation? Most certainly!  So, providing shoes and food would help them learn better, including their faith (which will help their eternal salvation, in the long run).  Likewise, the adminstirative work I do in technology for the schools helps kids BE ABLE TO learn, and frees them to pratice their faith better.  It's a round-about, but ESSENTIAL, piece of their faith formation. This really helped me keep in perspective that the work I do IS neccessary.

Clear back in Sept '06, Mark tagged me for a meme.  Among other things, I posted

1)  I am an obsessive nail-biter.  Consequently, I have the ugliest hands in the world. However, I could CARE LESS what others think of my hands! 

2)  I cut band-aids in half (the long way).  I usually use them to cover hang-nails or extremely short (bit) nails, and they get wet every time I wash my hands, so I cut them in half and get two for the price of one.

Well, I have good news:  I am no longer a nail - biter, nor do I any longer have the ugliest hands in the world.  Several months ago, I got permission to use a nail strengthener (normally, we don't even wear clear nail polish!). Long story short and several less-than-adequate strengtheners later, I have real nails ... 10 real nails.  I will probably have to use strengthener for the rest of my life (I'm pretty sure the weak nails are genetic), but I no longer want to wear gloves 24/7/365!

Who cares? Probably no one... but it was worth a post!

(for those who always ask: yes, I wrote this!)

                                          John 6

(can be sung to "Amazing Grace," if you really try!)

Jesus, you said to all who hear

                That God who is Father

Had set His seal upon your head

                Amen, I do believe!

Jesus, you said to all who hear

                "This is the work of God;

Have faith in the One whom He sent."

                Amen, I do believe!

Jesus, you said you are that bread

                Which from heaven did come

Your blood upon the cross was shed

                Amen, I do believe!

You did promise not to reject

                Us, lowly sinful ones.

We whom the Father gave to you

                Amen, I do believe!

You came to do the Father's will

                Fulfilled upon the cross

And gave to us the greatest gift

                Amen, I do believe!

Body, Blood, Soul, Divinity

                Which is the Bread of Life

Unworthy though I am to take,

                Amen, I do believe!

Lord, you promised eternal life

                To all who would believe

Take now my heart, poor as it is

                Amen, I do believe!

You are the Word who heals my soul

                You are real food and drink

You did promise to raise my soul

                Amen, I do believe!

Lord, remain in me ever more

                Never let me leave you

But give myself as you did give

                For the glory of God. 

5/4//08

So it's been months since I've blogged. Why? Well, I've been in a dry well spiritually, and that always flows over to my writing. I am usually an avid journal-er. But I've not written more than 20 pages in 6 months … the dry / writers block. I read Fr. Brian's Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, and loved it. It was extremely well written. It portrayed with condor her struggles, yet didn't over glamorize them. It showed her virtue without overlooking the very human side of every "living" saint. She prophesied she'd be the patron saint of darkness. Thus, I've asked her to be my guide until God deigns to bring me into light again.

For those who may not have followed events in my apostolate (work): I was "promoted" to an administrative position, while still expected to do my old job as well. (Good news: a new team member begins June 2). My new position has had a profound affect on my prayer. I used to think I was depending on God. Now I have NO CHOICE but to be entirely, completely dependent upon him. I have no experience, no training to be in the position I am. Most people in this level of position have 20 years experience and at least a Master's. I have a community college certificate (after a Bachelor's + 18 hours toward a Masters in an unrelated field) and 4 years experience. Everyone is giving all kinds of kudos, telling me I'm doing great. I'm grateful for that, but am not under the illusion for one second that it's any natural ability on my part. It's sheer, pure grace … 100%. I see DAILY the pitfalls and places I'd be creating disasters, if not for the Holy Spirit working in and through me. We are blessed to have the Blessed Sacrament in our building. I go there OFTEN, reminding Him that HE put me here, and HE has to do the work. I also live in trust, because the human / cynical side of me says "you're going to be dropped any day now… He's going to show you how weak you really are!" When this voice chimes up, I remind myself that He's not vindictive or mean, and if it happens it will be for my own good, and probably just after I've depended on myself too much! "Jesus, I trust in you!" has become my mantra.

My favorite song these last few months has been Toby Mac's "Made to Love:" Here is the refrain:

I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you, made to adore you.
I was made to love and be loved you

You were here before me,
you were waiting on me
And you said you'd keep me,
never would you leave me
I was made to love and be made to love you.

It reminds me of the ultimate truth: I am not what I do. I may well fall flat on my face one of these days; I may well create a huge disaster; I may well end up leaving this position in disgrace. Even so, it won't affect the bottom line: He loves me and I love Him.

For those who have prayed for me, supported to me, and "listened to" me:  I thank you. 

The retreat last weekend went really well.  The talk was OK, I think. Your insights and examples of unconditional love were more helpful than I can explain.  As always, I got nervous and left out a bunch of stuff I planned to say ... but leave that in the hands of the Holy Spirit. He's always having to make up for my deficiencies, any way! :) 

And work is actually looking up!  We got permission a few weeks ago to hire a training specialist ... someone to do at least part of my old job.  It will be a few months before the position is actually filled, but there's light at the end of the tunnel! 

And spiritually, well... it's desert, but it's peaceful desert!  And since it's Lent, I am trying to not complain, but accept the heat, sun and silence. 

Blessings to one and all.

Mother and Maiden

Mother and maiden

    Virgin with child

    Cold winter day

Home, far far away

You hold the God-man

    Newborn infant

    In crude cold stall

Heaven in your arms

Immaculate one,

    What do you think

    Of your child's birth?

How do you see it?

Don't all mothers think

    Their child is best?

    He just deserves

So much more than this!

Not in a stable

    The Son of God

    Should come to be!

Yet thus! His will be!

"His will, nothing else"

    She surrenders

    Her wants, her dreams

For her new-born Son.

No security

    No warm, safe hearth

    Just strange shepherds

Odd sages and threats.

Oh! To see it all

    As Mary did

    "His will, no more.

Nothing else but that."

Mother and prophet

    "Fiat" once said,

    Never revoked

"His will, nothing else."

Mother and maiden

    Virgin with child

    Warm, loving heart

The Father's will done.

Written 12-25-06

Even with the holidays, I'm too busy to even post a real blog.....................  aaaaaaaaaargh.

I asked Mark who he tagged, and of course got tagged.  10 useless facts about me.  I tag: Deacon Tito, Steve, Pamela Therese, Bethski, & Fr.V.

Useless facts about me:

1)  I was an officer's brat. My dad was a full bird USMC Colonel when he retired.

2) I always chose to hang around with the kids of enlisted Marines. The officer's brats were brats. 

3) I spel on a thyrd gaid leval.

4) Spell-check is my best friend

5) I am totally addicted to caffeine. 

6) Coffee, tea and Dew are my favorite flavors of caffeine

7) I have a life-threatening allergy to nuts

8) I have multiple food intolerances, including dairy and legumes.  It makes eating a fascinating journey on a daily basis.

9) I am totally disgusted by the fact JK Rowling claims Dumbledore was gay. WHY did she have to ruin the whole series? 

10) (yes, I've used this before) I secretly believe The Matrix is non-fiction. (Can you tell I LOVE that movie?)