There are certian things you learn in life.  Some it just takes a little longer then some.  I have wrote a lot in this about friends and the short commings that I have ran into with friends. 

First of all never trust someone 100 percent with all that is in your life.  Some things are just better kept to yourself and shared only with you Husband/soon to be. 

Women are the worlds worst at  listening to secrets then blabbing when things go sour.  I admit it I am the worlds worst at doing so.  I realize that is my biggest downfall. 

I trust so easily and always try to seek the best in everyone and believe all that is said.  People that you have been forwarned about to stay away from because of prior issues. 

Another one of my biggest downfalls is wanting to be accepted and have friends.  I am one who cant stand to have someone pissed off at me or think bad things about me.  I annalize EVERYTHING and try to fix the problem.  I drive myself crazy doing so.  And others that deal with me.

I see my downfalls.  I accept responsibility for my actions and problems I have caused.  If you are reading and you have been on the receiving end of this I am truelly sorry.  I try to fix things when Ibreak them... You know how it is.

I am not making excuses for the things I have done wrong.  And some of you there is nothing I can do to make up for this either. 

I really do not know what the point of writing this blog was.  I guess I just needed to get a few things off my chest make the needed apologies. 

Anyways.. Life is going kids are fine.  All in school.  And this deployment is really beginning to pass by quick.  Before you know it the ship pulls in all the grey clouds hanging over will be blue skies once again. 

I have never had to say it too many tmes.  This time seems like forever though.  I swore to myself that i would never involve myself with someone in the military.  I myself grew up a Navy Brat.  Too many times I had to watch hearts break when loved ones were seperated with a deployment.

You saw all sorts of tears.  The ones cried by children saying good-bye to their fathers, newleyweds departing for the first time.  But I also saw the fake tears.  Those cried by ones professing their undying love only to have their beds kept warm by another till the ship came back home.  Nothing pissed me off more then to see these people putting on an act only to have the security of a steady income and an ID card.

As it turns out, never say never.  I am with a wonderful man, a great father, and a perfect example of who I want my children to grow up to be like.  Most of he is the love of my life.

Even though it is going to break my heart having to say good-bye, my heart, my love and my life will remain true. I will honor him, love him, but most of all wait for him till he is back in my arms again.

Support our troops.  Bring them all home safe back to their families.  You guys are truelly making a sacrifise.  Thank You for everything you do.  To those that are left on the pier waiting, Your sacrifise isnt forgotten. 

I really do not have anything intresting to say.  I only have a couple of weeks before I get to meet my future in laws.  I am so excited.  My kids get to take their first plane trip.  (that ought to be intresting)

i have so much to do and so little time to do it in. you know the drill.  clean house.  Clean house.. and oh yeah CLEAN HOUSE. 

My baby lost his first tooth this week.  I feel like my babies are growing up too quick.  I look at baby pictures of when they were so small and cuddly.  Where have those days gone? 

I have a wedding to plan and pay for.  But I am getting excited about it.  My wedding is going to be about the kids, me and Chad.  All original and natural.  But a party none the less.  Got any ideas, pass them on. 

Oh well said my peace.  Have fun, play hard, and live life to the fullest. 

Well its official.. I am engaged.  the man tht I love with all my heart asked me to marry him on April 20th at 10:30 at night. 

Then he has to leave the next day... Duty calls.... Sucks I know....

I had my daughter all week as well with Chad being home.  This was the best week anyone could have ever asked for.  spending great time with my kids ad Chad. 

Friday was a hard day.  Ship had to leave.. Elizabeth didnt take things so well... but friday night was a little easier.  I had a bunch of my friends over... we talked, laughed, had a great time with a few incodents. 

I dont get to say this often to all of you at the same time so the blog is the best way... i love all of you to death.. I dont ahve much to offer in the way of material things or monetary things... but I have a big heart... and lots of tissues and two shoulders... I am their for all of you.  I do not know what I would do if i had never came to that first meeting.  Your friendship will never be taken for granted.. Nor will never be abused. 

I wish this damn deployment would start. I am tired of this damn emotional roller coaster of going out comming in for a few day... i just want it done and over with so I can have time with Chad and the kids for us to grow as a family.

i have good days and I have bad days... My moods are swinging like crazy.  Just overlook my pissy moods guys I dont mean anything by it...

Anyways.. I babbled long enough.. Love all of you and cant wait to do more things together.

In my life I have been blessed with many gifts.  but the ones th mean the most to me no amount of money can buy nor replace.   * First of all, my parents.  Most people are blessed with two parents.  I have been blessed with three.  Without their guidence, love, support, and structure I would have never learned the lessons life had to teach me.  They taught me to take life as it is given, love to the fullest, and the disipline it take to e a responsible trust worthy person.  * Second,  my four beautiful children.  They are my world.  Everything I do is for them.  I never had a clue that being a parent had so many blessings.  The day to day is not the same.  Once you become a parent your life is never you own again.  But to go back and change things, NEVER!  I have never loved, laughed, cried, been aggrivated, ect, ect, as i have becomming a parent.  * Third,  the love of my life.  Imagine not looking for a relationship to being swept off your feet and head over heels in love with someone.  One click of a mouse, a web site, and out comes this kind, conciderate, DAMN GOOD LOOKING, loving man.  He took a big step comming into my life.  Ready made families usually  will make someone say, " ummm sorry not intrested"  Not him.  He took the ball and ran with it. Taking on the role as daddy and doing a DAMN GOOD job with it.  His love for my children has no bounderies.  * I sit back and count my blessings.  Life isnt messured in material possesions but by the person you are.  You can be the richest person in the world and be the most unhappy.  I might not have many things but I have friends, family, my children, and Chad.  So i concider myself very rich in the way of blessings.  *   To those that have something to say about me and the fact I talk about Chad all the time and myspace is covered in pics of him  Take a second look.  My children are my world.  They are the reason I live and breath each day.  I was already blessed with love and happiness.  Chad just made a great addition.  If you dont like what i have to say in my blogs,  dont read them,  if you dont like that I dont have all my pictures with only my kids dont look.  Untill you walk a mile in my shoes dont judge me.  Life is too short to worry about shit.  If you dont like me stay off my page. 

                           Cherished Friendships

In today's world friendships are hard to come by.  Trust honesty, and communication are the key to any relationship.

I am truely greatful for the relations I have formed.  I have made friends with several great women that mean the world to me.

They are great women with one common link.  They are on the homefront while their husbands are away from home serving our beautiful country.

Kim (S), you are a wonderful person with a awsome heart.  The lenghs you go to to be a true friend and take the time to make someone feel special, thought of, and cared for while our loved ones are away means so much.  You have your own problems and issues that you seem to put aside to lend a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.  You are truelly blessed with the kindness and courage that goes aboue and beyound anything I could have hoped for.  You made my birthday special for me.  I just hope in return, that I can be and measure up to your kindness and genorsity. Whatever, whenever I am here for you day or night.

Kim (K), your friendship is a valued one as well.  your guidence and friendship means so much to me as well.  We have a long road to hoe, but with plenty of tissue, listening ears, and shoulders to lean on we all will make it through this together.  The late, lonely night s when I cant sleep, its nice to turn on the computer and chat about the love of our lives (Chad and Ryan) our kids and whatever to pass those miserable times away.  You are blessed with the leadership skills it takes to lead our group through a successful deployment.  For this I am greatful.

Christal, you I have known the longest.  your kindness and concern go a long ways.  We are family here.  Through thick and thin you have always been there.  You never once judged me.  Always listened and truelly care and lend a supportive hand through this journey.  I love ya like a sister.  You are blessed with love, and understanding.

Those I have mentioned and those I haven't material stuff stays with you only while on this earth.  The blessings and great hearts live and forever be remembered.  Those are the things that will forever be remembered.

From the bottem of my heart I am blessed to have the gift of your friendships.

Love you all and thank you for all that you do.

Angela

I do not know really how to start this.  I will say this, never believe in fairytale endings. They dont ever happen. 

I have recently found the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.  To love without bounderies.  Without the urge to seek something better while still involved with him. 

I have always been told to believe in my gut feelings if they happen. That that is your minds way of telling you when something isnt quite right.  I have felt these feelings for a while now.  I have asked others that know Chad and I.  Everyone was telling me not to worry it was just insecurities.

All that came to a crashing hault early yesterday morning when all my fears were comming true.  Chad had sought female companionship elsewherewhile all the long telling me he loved me and that nothing was wrong.  That I was letting my insecurities get the best of me and it was causing problems in our relationship.

Guys if you are living with someone and screwing around do yourself a favor and make sure you log out of your sites that you do not want your significant other to see.  I came across very explicit email describing in full detail of what was going on. 

Girls, you know you are smart.  You have to outsmart them at their own game.  but if you have that feeling something isnt quite right go with it. It isnt there for no reason at all.  Talk to your partners.  Listen to your partners.  But most of all be honest.  If you fuck up admit it.  If your relationship is worth saving it will work out.  It takes two.  If it isnt something you want to work out be big enough to call it quits and go your seprete ways.

Let me air some laundry today.  My divorce is final now. I have 4 beautiful children and have a wonderful person in my life.  One that accepts me for who and what I am. 

The man who chose to be in my life loves my children and treats them as if they were his own.  While their no good sorry son of a bitch father just disowned them while taking their oldest brother. 

It takes a special man to love and care for children that he did not create.  To love and nuture them as if they were apart of them.  While their sperm donar of a father doesnt see these two babies grow and learn.

My 5 yo has learned how to read and write thanks to their new daddy.  Me too of course, I helped too.  This man has taken the time to love, disipline without abuse to teach right from wrong. 

God has sent me a wonderful man, lover, and my soal mate but the greatest give that God has sent to me was a perfect daddy for my children.  God bless him and his father and mother that has taught him how to love without bounderies.  FOR ALL OF THIS I AM TRUELY THANKFUL.

Latest News, Looks like Chad and i are going to move in together.  I am excited and a little scared.  My daddy keeps asking if he Angela?  That side of me doesnt come out until provoked.  That really only happens when dealing with assholes such as my Daddy and my step dad.  Both Retired Navy and both feel like they are never wrong.  At least one of them always showed true colors from day one and te other didnt knowingly deceive and mislead to accomplish his mission.  But Karma has a way of comming back around and biting you on the ass.  Fuck someone over You are bound to get fucked yourself.  Oh well.  Yes I am having a hard time dealing with parents as you can tell.  I had an alcoholic for a father as well as being extremely lazy.  Had a ID hunter for a mother.  Two step fathers and my father all Navy. 

But proving my point because ironically I am with someone in the Navy,  I will not accept the ID card.  Dont want any of the benifits that go along with that damn card.  i just want the man and yes the uniform that goes with him. 

To all of those women huntig that card Trust me it aint worth it.  Yeah you can get on base and yes the medical benifits.. but seriously.. You ought to go sit in a Navy hospital or go to a Navy clinic for medical attention.  Trust me you would wish you had other insurance to go somewhere else. 

The saddest thing about it all. Is there are women that give the term Navy Wives a bad name.  Those that send their husbands away then go out hunting for a warm body the same night.  Then you have the the extremely overweight, lazy Navy wives.  Trust me I know what the hell I am talking about, My Aunt was the other side of this Navy wife thing. 

House all nasty all the time. Got into every organization about the Navy.  The dude couldnt stand to be around her.  He used her to suit his purpose.  More money... dependants flat out Greed. 

I have friends of mine that are married he is in the Navy and she is a house wife.  She is beautiful and he is very handsome.  They have a awsome relationship.  He adores her and she worships the ground he walks on.  They are struggling finacially but love and life and add a little faith can work miriacales. 

I have been married before... Abusive and possive man.  makes me a little on the not trusting side. After 9 years of a relationship 3 kids that we shared together. I gave most of me.  I did everything cook clean, sex whenever he wanted. Nothing I did was ever good enough. 

Now i have completely changed my life.  I work.  I take care of my kids.  I have a great relationship.  Have great friends.  Lost a hell of a lot of weight.  I once was 330 lbs I am now between 165 and 170 lbs.  I stand five feet eight inches.  Have a larage body frame.  I actually for once have curves to my figure then a huge blob of fat.  The only thing I dont have is boobs now.  Breastfeeding and weightloss dowes that to you.

Now that I have accomplished all of that i want to go back to school to recert as a Emergency Medical Tech.  I have loved that field since I was 17 years old.  Worked on my fair share of Ambulances.  Loved every minute of it. 

When you get in the back of a truck.  Sit in the jump seat and look around.. imagine, In this small area you have the ability to save and maintain a life.  That is one hell of a rush.. also makes it great when you come home.. Best sex ever.. LOL