I find my blogs carry a certain theme of recognition. I like to put here, things that change me in the way of coming closer to my inner spirit. I find inspiration around every corner, and enjoy paying attention. Fate presents itself to me, and the law of attraction indeed draws me to what ever it is I need to see. I've been watching lots of documentaries lately, in the way that I attend school. I take notes, learn techniques, find new artists and appreciation for their missions. I have many missions of my own, and each day understanding roots itself stronger into my earth of ideas.

Recently I was recommended to the documentary:
CoSM the Movie - Alex Grey and the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors

I enjoyed the classroom like feel of this film. Even though I could interpret the images he creates all day long, have fun with them while they take my mind to another place, I really appreciated his explanations.

It reached me in my deepest place of goals, those dreams that lie underneath because they are the biggest and farthest reaching. Somehow those goals seem to bury themselves under the most common and mundane goals for so many people. Through my quest with photography and art, as well as my work done with Reliv, I find greater and greater courage everyday to believe that my dreams will come to fruition. Then at a moments notice, I am watching a documentary that puts my goals into a real perspective. Alex Grey perpetuated my castle in the sky.

One thing I appreciate about his work is the pure honesty that prevails. I also am enamored by the amazing detail, each line with utter intent. Every inch of canvas tells a story, defines his spirituality, offers interpretation and weaves together body, mind and spirit. Everything he creates is so personal, and yet so universal. He combines all religions with science, and all science with perspective...he shares his own experience while offering an entirely new experience. The most important connection between him and I is the deep desire to help develop other great artists and unite as a whole.

Here is one of my favorites from his collection:


Find our more about him at his awesome website:
Alex Grey

His website is also a great inspiration for me. So simple to navigate. So thorough. So professional. I love the way he clearly states copyright usage, allows for people to buy his stuff, shows his portfolio, and spreads his word. We are in the process of building a website for our SolLuna Photography business and concepts, and I am so excited to get it out there. I am also excited to visit his Chapel of Sacred Mirrors. Thanks again, to another amazing artist and spirit.

Belief in thyself is the ultimate power. It emanates through airwaves, skin cells, eye brows, actions and verbage. The lack thereof does just the same.
For most of my life I didn't really understand the concept of a hero. I didn't really think I believed in them, well, because, I generally believe in everyone. I learn as I go, absorb every waft of concept...so I didn't sense that I should dare give anyone in particular a super vote of emulation. Just in the last few years, I have realized how much I DO create heroes and that I do indeed, deeply decorate certain individuals. Currently, I am happy and proud to look toward others. I am happy to do so in honor of maintaining belief in my true self.
In this thought driven night of sleeplessness, I spent some more time with John Waters. It hit me very sharply that I wish I could be at least a bit more like him. In the way that he is so comfortable with the dirty filthy world and yet still maintains limits and morals. Too often I feed into normalcy. I worry I may offend someone, turn them off, make them think twice about me or heaven forbid, lose their support. But all in all, I do tend to be myself, and believe in myself in spite of dibilitant insecurity.
Waters is a doer. Or at least, that's how he comes off. I doubt that he spends relentless hours in the stew of perfectionism, but instead just HAS an instinct and then ~ blamo ~ he does it. I wanna be more like that~!
I do so dearly love being depraved...but equally so, I love being altruistic.
So, tonight I embrace self acceptance while I water my garden of exotic seeds. Thanks for your inspiration John!

 

I've been cravin blogs. I want to write and then I get lost lookin for time. I want to read, and then I get caught with pencil in eye.

At this time of year, it may be easy to write about the holidays. Catch up, reprise, sentiment, reflection, sharing...but isn't it just as good to forget about it and move on. The holiday season has turned a quarter of the year into psycho active mumbo jumbo. Spirituality has little to do with anything anymore. Joy is something to be bought. Drunken dribble has more clout than sincerity. I have lots to say, but feel the energy may be better spent. I promise myself every year that I will not allow myself to get caught up. I won't feed into the depression, and I won't eat up the ideal of holly jolly cheer...

See what I mean. I almost took that path.

Instead.

I want to focus on what I want. For Christmas, for my birthday, for the new year, the new season, the new balance of space, time, and relationships.

I want connection. A deep rooted connection that comes from the action of cells and the cell of actions. I heard a blue grass musician on the radio say, depression is merely creativity that is trapped. Well, I want to open the trap and let it out. Not only my trap, but others too. I want to make connections with people this year that really want to unleash. I am the key master, are you the gatekeeper?

I also want to give more attention to the gray matter. Very often, I get to thinking that we know so much more that we want to admit, about the human brain, about how others may feel in any given situation, about how we ourselves feel and what we truely want but don't have the nerve to let out... Too often, I hear gray matter referred to as useless, pointless, seemingly mysterious and uneventful. I venture to ponder if the gray matter is the most important part. What if it is actually the most important part, and we're too busy looking at the activity to understand the position of stillness. Maybe without the gray matter the heat of activity would melt our faces off, melt our existence into a concentrated puddle of sparkful charges. The gray matter of life is so important. Let us not give remorse to our inactive times, but instead cherish them for cushioning overactivity...for the absorption of excess.

...Now...this is a big want...but I aim for nothing less than perfection...

I want balance.

Yes.

Balance.

I'm not referring to a balance between fun and work, bipolar and normal, rockin and chillin, swearin and swoonin...

I'm talking about the balance between my selves.

Sometimes it's not so easy to see in myself, but I very often see it plain as day and night on others. The contradiction of the self within, the self at work, the self for our parents, the self for new people, the self on a date, the self that craves bad things, the self at 4 in the morning...I am aware that we can't be the same for everyone. There are certain censors we face on a daily basis. What I really want is to be different for each environment, but to simultaneously maintain the core, underlying values that I believe. I don't want to pretend to be something to help someone else feel more secure. I guess I finally realized that trying to help others feel comfortable may often challenge my core values...and that when I bend the self that I really am, the creases are visible to anyone who wants to see.

It boils down to a gray mass of creative key holes, that peep into the truth of self. Lined up by the billions. Looking through one hole, a moment may be seen, maybe even understood. Stepping back with eyes relaxed, the scramble of snow turns into a vision of enlightenment. Easily accessible when the aim is true.

.." target="_self">Supernova

 

What is the difference between outer space and inner space?

Nothing.

What is the meaning of life?

Sex.

What is the difference between Religion and God?

Everything.

What is the difference between Religion and Politics?

Nothing.

What is the difference between questions and answers?

Spiritual essence.

Intrigued?

Carry on.

 

.." target="_self">Star Sucking

Sex is constant. There is a gravitational pull between everything, even in the absense of what seems to be space, time, work or discovery.

How is eating sex? Well, inside of us there is an orgy of connections. One thing making love to another in order to make something new, all by instinct. We are who we are be it a cell, human being, a star in the universe or on television. We are called to our purpose through the law of attraction. Drawing energy of needs toward the existence of survival.

.." target="_self">You Rock Rock

This is one of the best intros in a movie ever! What a glorious example of our human mind in action. Funny, real, sarcastic and revealing. No matter how positive, godly, humane, successful or mundane we gravitate toward questions, doubt, purpose, belief and connection. Every thing around every thing is an answer written in a different language. When we understand, it is when we find the language we comprehend because we open our minds to see. When we don't understand, it is when we shroud our perceptions from seeing.

.." target="_self">Skin Universe

There is nothing to fear but fear itself. Wasn't he right? I mean, he really said what we all already know. I don't fear bacteria, wars, gas prices, debt, leaders, tests or pain. What I really fear is myself wearing a shroud. I fear being duped into believing that the skin universe is any different than the life cycle of a star, or that the essence of any kind of god or choice of a leader shall define me. I fear that I will suck into what others think of me more than what I shall think of myself. When in doubt of anything, do what it is that makes you comfortable. And be sincere for crying out loud. You know deeeeeeep down, when honesty exists. Only you can know. That is the beauty of attraction. The crab louse may not have a conscience, but it sure does have its place in this universe reguardless of what we may comprehend conscience to be.

.." target="_self">Swamp Space

Everything is beautiful. Definition. Peace. Art.

Vision does not require the sense of sight. It moreso requires a sense of being. To see is to open up from within. If you are annoyed by something, it is coming from within not from without. When I say you I mean me, and when I say me I mean everything, when I say everything I also mean you...

The universe is the wallpaper of the mind. And the mind is the wallpaper of existence.

.." target="_self">The Blanket Truth

Stars explode inside of me.

.." target="_self">80% Myself

When you work with me, expect to give 110%. I want all of you plus the you you don't even want to know. We draw together with black hole sucking strength!

Love and kisses on a Sunday ~ Rebecca

 

Nomi showed up in my life at the perfect moment. He arrived during deep cravings for normalcy exposed in the darkness of the strange and unusual. He died when I was just 8, and yet, I do remember the visual of his performance art. I appreciate his sense of self, value of metaphor and desire to do what he wants no matter where he is. He offers an orgy for the senses.

I really could go on and on about him in an essay of relevance, history, success, entertainment and psychology...but I just don't have the time right now. Even though I'm strapped by the events in my life, I felt an urge to share Nomi before he fell into the basket of lost moments. I'm sure I'll catch up with him more later, and this is a gentle reminder for myself and others who appreciate art not to forget.

For a flavor of the abstract, a hint of hard core inspiration, a twist of fate or just to question what you truely stand for in the daily rantings of life...check out more on Klaus. There are so many amazing talents in the universe, so many people that I love to recognize...and yet I feel strongly that there is no one quite like Klaus Nomi. What an original!

Nomi Home Page

Klaus Nomi - Wikipedia

On politics I cannot stand. I just listen and learn. I use them just like I use everything else...just like religion, education, institution, systems, laws, disease, fighting, peace, philosophy, existence, reasoning...

What it all boils down to is ART ~ which IS my religion, my politics and it is my every way of reasoning and comprehending being. I could spend my time studying the ins & outs of who's who, what's what, where this is going down and why that is happening. McCains, Clintons, bombs, money, hospitals, insurance, drugs, life, rights, amendments...gods, myths, creation and jobs.

My husband, a few nights ago, decided to fill me in on campaign news, VP's, backstories and whatnot. I tried really hard to care that some chic with a basket full of kids on the tips of Alaska would be a mate. I tried really hard to believe that it is my vote that counts. Out of my gut arose a moment of truth. And that truth stabbed me. I've been bleeding slowly. I took it out on a friend in a drunken state, yammering about how we can do what we want and what is it that we want to do. Monologing oozes of blood drenched weariness, purging the stillness of my power into the pools of stillness.

Sometimes I get embarrassed about my apporach. I'm bitchy, loud, wild, relentless, manic and smaller than the system...and then every time I feel that way, I give myself an ass whuppin. I remember that it is the system that makes me feel this way. Brainwashed masses are those that lie and lay, grovel and pay. Sometimes I crave the normal bedside manner of drugged up cells and skeptic filled wells of insecurity...and then I remember that that is the easy way out. That is the way of the 95% being led by the 5%. It takes a bit of courage and a whole lot of trust, it takes gut thrust and belief lust.

Sometimes I think that I'm wasting my time perusing the limitless pages of myspace, and then I am reminded that I am working the limitless faces of fate. I ask and receive, I believe and receive, I stop worrying and I find exactly what I am looking for. This person leads me to that, and that information inspires action.

Art is a reflection, a movement, an action, a motion of an ocean of power and insight. Art is born from the fornication of ideas and belief, breath and relief, rights and authority, power and glory. Art is behind every politician, new wave institution of entertainment. Art is in front of every changing ebb of flowing mass and matter, reason for beautiful truthful inspirational gospel of the heart and soul.

It only takes one voice, one pen, one moment, one active approach.

Could it be about death, killing, prophecy, fear, pain, suffering, abandonment, depression, cult, horror, bleak fields of lies that come from doubt filled minds?

YES

Could it be about hope, help, sacrifice, love, passion, nourishment, vision, good feelings oozing and enlightenment?

YES

Who is to say what should be brought to light? Should we hide the darkness, in the darkness or censor the light of experience?

NO

We should embrace the one thing we are able to embrace, and that is our perception. We should be embarrassed if we believe that we should censor ourselves or anyone else, or that any idea is too far fetched. We should be embarrased to die until we have scored a victory for mankind. We should be inspired by what we come in contact with, because there are no accidents or lessons that don't deserve to be savored. We should share with others and love our selves. We should borrow what we appreciate and turn it into our own mission. Nothing is too small, and nothing is too large. It all fits together.

It's the blanket.

It's Frodo and Anakin.

It's a mission to nourish the world.

It's fuck you I won't do what ya tell me.

It's Rosa Parks.

It's the great conjunction.

It's your baby's smile.

It's a missing limb.

It's an art of persuasion that drives us to live, to breath, to succeed, to dream, to do, to vote, to make and to parade our mind for all to see.

I thank Carrieann and her GoddessNaturals myspace. She is a voice that I only know via myspace. She has inspired me, shared, opened and linked everything together for me in one unexpected moment. Her one voice was not alone, it was joined by a powerful mass of connection, spirit and motivation. She sent a bullitan that got me into sync and smothered in buttery glory. She melded with Rage Against the Machine and that melded me into a feast of breaded systematic change. My projects keep growing thanks to a little help from my friends. Enjoy a fun Rage moment in honor of my rantings:

 

.." target="_self">Rage Against the Machine current event

I ingest

sound, food, people, reactions, events, stories, scapes, wonder, ideas

superphonic perception blended with spices from far away lands

Sometimes I devour

sleep, difiance, still insubordination, gooey art dripping sugary conceptual fat

I digest

I regurgitate as

visual stimulation, provoktion of ideas, mania spewing that may seem outward bound, may spill hysteria

chewed up conquest, support, team driven power to the people

feeding the baby wingless birds naive to action, insecure in change, novice in self supporting stimuli and courage, slaves to the system of encoded existence

and yet, the gerd

makes stinging sense

splashes drunkenly, stupors over the top tips of system breaking vengeance, mildly undertones caring systematic approach to love and understanding, decodes possibility

It comes out, stretching the hole

a chode going into the ears

bloody tears opening thoughts of funny overstepped, laughing too hard conundrums of isolation popping gasm lined steps

I detox

crazed insanitarium, white flies of buzzed utopia, lesion quests loathing the time it takes to chew when swallowing seems exemplary

Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew

Sometimes I swallow too hard

I throw up

excess, anti gut trust, right wings of doubt infested sapplings

Every once in a while I eat the magic moment of truth, and out the other end a smell of victory splashes the canvas of confectionary existence

So, I randomly find interesting people on myspace. I call them my myspace friends because that is the only way that I know them. One fellow I found is heavy into blogging. He always challenges, asks, opinionates, suggests and provokes on any given topic that comes to mind. The deep stuff and the shallow stuff both draw a blogger reading crowd on his space. I read his stuff as much as I can. One day he damaged my mind, and I just wanted to offer the same criminally weird capture of brains...because i just can't get this blog out of my head since I read it. I must admit, enter at your own risk, because once you witness this, you may be subject to promoting something that feels dirty and wrong. I don't really know if I'm doing this in the best way, but here is a link to his blog. If I screw this up sorry, I'll just try again later. Otherwise, enjoy the freak show!!

Referral to Mr Blog Guy

...Learn everyday. Appreciate the process of understanding. Trust yourself, and believe in the balance of everything...

Since Wednesday, I have been in a kaleidoscope of every emotion possible, floating in, on, over and out between every other one. The first day of my last period was June 24, which would have made me just at 7 weeks pregnant. I was spotting light for a few days, normal. Wednesday I began to have a dull ache in my abdomen at around 5 pm. That progressed each hour until about 5 am. Each hour my cramps got worse, and the blood. Not normal. Scarry, exhausting, emotional and lonely. Of course this happens on the biggest weekend of the year for our Reliv business. Things don't ever go wrong when it's convenient.

Thursday morning I had to face work at the restaurant. The 2nd day of working there in about a month and a half, with no sleep, no desire to be there, some glimmer of bleak hope that I still may have a baby inside me, and the vision of my favorite part of the Reliv year being dominated by this factor of life.

Thursday evening I finally make it through the wormhole into the land of epiphany! It is official that in a 24 hour period I have experienced every emotion possible. I wasn't bleeding or cramping [much] anymore, and I was willing to accept, finally, that I probably had a miscarriage, but that it may not be absolutely certain for at least a few days. Still I realized the name of our baby, something we had been working on since before I was pregnant, not the name of this baby, but our baby to come...and many other things about life, myself...and stuff. I call my husband and we have an amazing conversation (because he's an OTR trucker if you didn't know). He and I were on the same wave, completely. We had both come to the conclusion of the name before talking to each other, and both came up with the same thing. And I do believe that we both gave birth to a whole new perspective, on, well, everything. It was a refreshing conversation. I felt lighter and ready for the Reliv conference to begin, starting with telling my best friend from out of town on the phone before meeting her, so that she knew what to expect when I go there. She encouraged me that it was okay to stay home and rest, absorb, whatever. I didn't have to be superwoman and come down to the event in light of this event. I disagreed. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be around great friends, my Reliv family and the positively amazing environment that was being handed to me on a platter. Perfect. At 5:45 pm I head downtown, excited to see my best friend from out of town, and that she has the ability to dedicate some alone time with me. I get to her hotel, and as I walk toward the entrance, I feel the rush of blood back. Crap. I didn't bring any women things. I thought I was done, or maybe just distracted and tiredly stupid. It was a gush though. I saw her at the front desk and asked for the restroom, sidelining any hugs or conversation...this was rushingly urgent. I get into the bathroom, wipe a big gush and pull up my baby. There it was. It was my little fetus in all its glory. Just a little smaller than my small palm. I wasn't sad, hurt, scared, grossed out or alarmed. I am still completely amazed. I could make out its head and torso. I could open and see inside its formation of guts that were no more that dark red flesh. I really wish I had my camera, so that I could have my babys only portrait. One reason I love Joel-Peter Witkin (a photographer) is his appreciation of real beauty and wonder. This passion truely revealed itself to me in that moment. Art is merely the humble approach to understand feeling that is present in everything visual, whether we are blind or may see. If we feel, we eminate and absorb art every second ~ In reaction, perspective, approach, reason, truth and humanity.

My baby may have lived for only 7 weeks in the form of tissues, but it lives in every second of learning and being. It has made me who I am before, during and will forever after.

I could say so much more, but really, I must sleep. I just really needed to share my story.

"Everything's gonna be alright" ~ Bob Marley

"All you need is Love" ~ the Beatles

"I am amazing" ~ Rebecca Humes

I just returned from a trip to Michigan. I was there for, like, 10 days I think. My husband and I went to a wedding in Grand Rapids, and then I went to the UP with my family and had a total blast. We were sitting on the edge of the earth listening to the waves and staring into the sky. There was 28 of us total. My loud, obnoxious, fun loving bunch took over swimming pools of hotels, restaurants, and the cabins of McLain State Park.

Lot's and lot's of photos are on the way. I may have to bring them on in waves, digital first, and then gradually the other 14 rolls of film. There are lot's of babies in our family right now. It struck me deeply because a) I'm an aunt, still registering that one, and b) my man and I have been trying for just a couple months.

During this vacation, I knew something was up with my body. I sensed that I was pregnant for several reasons. But I put it out of my head thinking that it was only in my head. I figured I was being overally anxious around all the cute kids. Yeah, I really do love kids. They're loud, uncontrollable, uncouth, and extremely revealing. Some people get annoyed around children, and I'm just not one of them. I am generally more annoyed by adults.

...Well, I finally took some tests when I got home, and I don't think they are lyin. Three pluses, that all showed up within, like, 4 seconds of pee touching the stick. I have yet to go to the doctor, and am pretty excited too, because it is very possible that we got knocked up on our 8 year wedding anniversary. It was a fluke that Sasha was home on a Wednesday, which happened to fall on the 16th of July ~ Our anniversary...We'll see.

Anyway, we are excited, shocked and amazed. It truely hasn't sunk in yet. But I called it, I said that it would happen right away, and it did. I'll keep ya posted. Three IS the magic number, and I don't mean triplets, because that would totally freak me out. I mean, it's about time that we have a baby. We'll become a family of 3 when I am 33. HeeHee.