On December 28th my mother packed her bags and drove down to Memphis, TN with my father, leaving my brother and I behind. For the first time in our lives, we're living without parents. I'd say we are now independent, but they're still paying for rent and everything until the lease comes up in the summer (anybody need a future roommate around June/July?).

Truth is, I'm actually really enjoying it. I'm alone in the apartment half of the time so it's quiet and relaxing, and there's nobody to constantly hear nagging (no offense to my mother). Ever since my mom left, I found myself in a cleaning frenzy. For those of you who really know me, I'm not a neat freak. When you walk into my bedroom, you walk into a jungle. Well, that's no longer the case because my bedroom is officially seen as spotless. My bathroom is usually a mess too but since my mom left I took over her bathroom. For the first time in my life, I have a bathroom to call my own because for as long as I could remember, I had to share bathrooms with my brother. I love it. Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that since there are only two of us in this three-bedroom apartment (we now have a spare bedroom if anybody needs to crash for a night or a weekend), there's a 50% chance that the mess in the apartment is my doing and I don't want to be the embarrassment of the mess, so I've been cleaning up after myself. Also ever since I began my new relationship and coming over to my girlfriend's own apartment, which is always spotless every time I'm there, I have subconsciously been wanting to make an impression of myself of not being a slob. When she saw my bedroom actually being clean she almost had a heart attack, so I believe that so far I've been doing an awesome job about it. :)

This year I've actually made a resolution to myself: Don't slack off. I began by disciplining myself to make my own bed after I get out of it every morning (which I never do). I don't procrastinate forever to wash the dishes after I use them. And seeing how I'm pretty much going to die this coming semester by being overloaded with work, there's no room for slacking off. In the end, I'm hoping my preparation will help me by coming Monday.

So, that's one big thing happening this year. Another thing to look forward to is that in the Fall I will hopefully be starting the last year of school of my life. The nice thing about being a graphic design major is that even though it's a lot of work, the only reason why you would want to get a Masters and beyond is to teach graphic design, and that's not my passion. I'm ready to roll with my career and start making a living.

Other miscellaneous happenings that I'm looking forward to is that I hope to travel this year. Not out of the country, but just go on road trips... Especially with my girlfriend (since she loves road trips too). It has been years since I have been to Florida, and knowing that I have friends and relatives down there it gives me a reason to go. Plus I can visit my parents along the way down and stay there for a day to visit and have the experience of listening to live blues bands and eat good ribs. Hell, I can even visit my cousin and her boyfriend in Atlanta because that's on the way too! So I hope that trip will at least be made. There's also the thought of going to Washington state since I have never been and it is where my girlfriend is originally from.

Other happenings and goals to make this year:
- Start and finish ..ar Roots' website.
- Finish my portfolio website, and transfer my blog over to Wordpress.
- Completely make this MySpace account for networking only (I'm practically done with using this for social purposes).
- Get a new computer (how long have I been saying this?).
- Not stress about money and school.

So... ::raises her coffee mug::... Here's to a new year and a new change to my life. 2008 was a really crazy year for me (both really good and really bad), so I hope 2009 will run more smoothly. :)

MONDAY:
Weight Control & Fitness - PEGN 101 - 11:00 am - 11:50 am
Work - 12:00 pm to 3:00 pm
Image Making I - ART 346 - 3:30 pm - 6:20 pm

TUESDAY:
Work - 11:00 am - 3:00 pm
Physical Science in the Arts - PHY 101 - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm
Intermediate Graphic Design I - ART 302 - 5:30 pm - 8:20 pm

WEDNESDAY:
Weight Control & Fitness - PEGN 101 - 11:00 am - 11:50 am
Work - 12:00 pm to 3:00 pm
Image Making I - ART 346 - 3:30 pm - 6:20 pm

THURSDAY:
Physical Science in the Arts Lab - PHY 101 - 11:00 am - 12:50 pm
Work - 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm
Physical Science in the Arts - PHY 101 - 3:30 pm - 4:45 pm
Intermediate Graphic Design I - ART 302 - 5:30 pm - 8:20 pm

FRIDAY:
Work - 9:00 am to 5:00 pm

Next semester I know I'm in for quite a bit homework-wise with having two graphic design classes, plus trying to balance 20 hours of work a week. However, this semester I'm allowing myself to sleep in (with the exception of Fridays, but hey, it's Friday). Monday through Friday of this semester I have 8:00 a.m. classes, and now the earliest I need to be on campus is 11:00 a.m. Booyah! This also means that I can go back to Necto on Mondays on a regular basis again.

Alison: whats a good myspce editing website, that i could use
Me: ummm
Me: I'm not a website XD
Alison: i know your not a website, the porn content is too high in you

Thanks Lauren for the phrase. ;)

For years I've been telling myself "I'm going to start working out", kind of like a New Years resolution but instead I told myself this before the beginning of every summer vacation. As the years went on, me being physically active became less and less, and rapidly declined after I got my first graphic design freelance job and my first real graphic design job last summer. I am now paid to sit on my ass from dawn until dusk.

Well, shortly after I became single around August, I've realized a couple of things: All of the sudden I now had a boat load of free time and I needed to not just mentally and emotionally improve myself, but also physically. So thanks to Trevor and Lauren's continuous schedule of work out nights, I tagged along. My main concentration was to work on my cardio (because I actually became out of breath from walking up ONE flight of stairs) and my upper body strength (because all of the moves I've helped with this summer made me realize how useless I am when it comes to lifting heavy objects). And with this working out, I didn't want to lose weight. I wanted to gain weight, and only through muscle mass.

Before I started working out, I weighed 130. I was a twig. Now I weigh 140. I didn't start seeing progress until about a week or two ago. But now I have pictures before I started working out and one of me about two weeks ago to help compare my progress!



I'm very happy about the progress I have been making and I may soon decide to start toning the muscle I've been working on. Who knows! Other than that, I think I'm looking great!

So, Laura got me this T-shirt for Christmas one year:



I've gotten a lot of compliments on it... A lot.

I went to go take the elevator on the second floor of the Student Center to go up to the third floor so I could clock out of work. As I walk towards the elevator, I see a Fox 2 newscaster with a camera man talking to students that are sitting around in the lounge areas, doing their thing. I ignore them and keep on walking toward the elevator. As I wait for the elevator, I become approached by the newscaster, "Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second?"
I politely tell him, "Sorry but I'm not comfortable about being in front of a camera."
"Well it's 'fashion week' and I wanted to interview you on your T-Shirt. It's very collegiate."
So I got fed up and told him, "Dude, does it even look like I have any fashion sense?"
"Well sure and I-" the elevator doors slam in his face.

Fuck the media. :D

With this being the last weekend of my summer vacation, I sat back and tried to figure out all of the most memorable things that has happened to me for the past four months. Then I came to realize that my summer was really crappy and if I could relive it, I honestly wouldn't. Here's the list of reasons:

1) Because of the wonderful economy, my family and I were forced to move out of the house after living in it for 17 years. It's the only place I have remembered living in.

2) Bad camping trips. The first one involved lesbian drama (yes, it gets its own category) and very bad customer service from the people who ran the campsite we went to and tried to overcharge us. The second camping trip was fun when it came to camping, but the canoe trip that followed put Alison and I in danger (Some of you have seen the dozens of colorful bruises on my legs that came from it).

3) Alison and I breaking up. The amount of emotions have been swaying for the past month from: guilt, embarrassment, depression, happy, hopeful, pessimistic, negative emotion, negative emotion, positive emotion, negative, negative, negative, repeat. I've been trying to hide it, but I'm an absolute wreck and I feel like I'll never be able to forgive myself for how I've treated Alison.

and

4) Everybody breaking up and the immature drama that followed from it. I am no longer close to friends as I used to be for years because I just now see them as spoiled, helpless children. I do not know a single person that hasn't contributed to this drama, including myself. I will admit I've added my share of fuel to this fire and I'm no way near innocent because this has been everyone's doing. It has damaged my trust with others, I now see all of us being bitter and talking behind each others backs yet we all claim that we're "friends", and overall this whole situation just has really skewed my perspective on friendships. What the hell has gotten into all of us? When did we revert back to high school? I'm starting to see why we're all trying to find new friends, but why can't we all grow up?

Breathe, Erin...

This summer shall be ended by being nagged to go up north and visit my family, even though I'm embarrassed to show my face around them because of my break up with Alison. So I not now only feel like a shitty girlfriend, but also a shitty daughter/granddaughter/niece because I originally said "No, I don't wish to go up north." And I wouldn't be surprised if my friends of mine start to dislike me even more after this post by overall saying "We are all cunts." So, now I overall feel like a shitty person because I feel like a shitty friend as well. But, I also feel like somebody had to say it and maybe possibly shine some light on the situation because I've missed what we have all had: friends to not only be friends with, but also friends to rely on. Yes, it is cowardly of me to openly admit all of this while hiding behind a computer screen, but this is probably the easiest way to send out the message to everybody.

I miss you guys and I'm willing to change this whole situation if you guys are willing as well. I want my friends back.

My coworker Chad and I share a printer with three other people that we know of: Al, Eric, and my boss Cristina. Just a few minutes ago, the printer just randomly printed out three pieces of paper just like this:



If you cannot read what it says, it's:

Well I decided if you guys leave without saying anything to me like normal, you guys are d-bags. -Chad

Chad was the first to see these printing because he was curious that the printer just randomly started up. When he saw these, he immediately asks "What the hell is this?"

First of all, I know it wasn't Chad who did it. If he typed "d-bag" on a public message to go out to his work and THEN put down his name, he knows he would get in trouble. Somebody is obviously framing him.

I know it wasn't myself because I never pull pranks. And why would I pull one when I'm sitting right next to him?

Immediately I went to Eric and Al (they have offices right next to us), and they were both chilling out in Eric's office. They both read it, and Al asks "What's a d-bag? Is that dirtbag?" So, he's not hip with the name calling which means it wasn't him (or he's just that clever for acting oblivious), and Eric says it wasn't himself. He immediately walks to Cristina's office and asks her. She comes over and asks what was going on, I showed her one of the pieces of paper, and she laughed and said it wasn't her.

Granted, we all think this is very funny because it's giving all of us a good chuckle. We're confused on whether or not we should be offended, but whatever.

So, the mystery goes on. At this point, it could have been anybody in this building because the IP address to the printer is right on the printer. And it's obviously somebody who knows about this department because Chad and I will sometimes never show up or will leave early/come in late without ever saying anything to anyone. Suspicious...

Hopefully this mystery will be solved and the prankster can be punished! ...Or we can just start a prank war with him/her.

For those of you who have not heard by now, Tuesday of last week Alison and I have decided to "take a break", stopping the relationship just shy of becoming the longest relationship I've ever been in. To sum everything up: I'm a very bad, very lazy girlfriend. I forget about plans that we make, I've started to treat her like a friend than a girlfriend, I've made her feel like she's not the most important thing in my life, I never help out when she helps me all the time, etc., etc., etc. It's a whole pile of problems on my shoulders, and she has never deserved any of that bullshit from me (or from anyone else, for that matter).

Since then I've been finding myself confused and in a state of depression, questioning my mentality, behavior, and overall what I really want in life when it comes to love. Am I too immature to be in a serious relationship? Am I too self-absorbed to notice the feelings of others? When I said to her I would fix everything, how come I made very little effort? And the list goes on.

This isn't the first time where the downfall of a relationship was my doing. The same thing happened with my first girlfriend (but then again, she had a lot of flaws too. Alison doesn't).

I have come to realize that 2007 put a lot of stress on me: brother being in Iraq, both parents being unemployed, and the house being up for sale all at the same time. Even though all of that has been fixed, I still feel heavily stressed. Before I met Alison, I had a head on my shoulders. I was confident and focused on life. It is now almost two years later and it's obvious that I have lost all of that. So, to make use of all the free time that has just suddenly appeared on my lap in the matter of an 11-minute, 48-second phone call, I'm taking advantage of it to better myself.

First of all, I've stopped the daily consumption of alcohol, unless I'm attending a social event where alcohol is included. I would not drink a lot, but I would drink often. I practically had a beer a night. With my tiny stature, one beer would equal more like two. This is to help not only my current depression, but to also help my memory. Ever since I've turned 21 I could still count the number of days of no alcohol with both hands. When I've made this decision (the Tuesday we had the talk), I've only consumed two alcohol beverages since. Already I have noticed I've been craving for alcohol less and less and I've been more focused.

Second of all, I've started working out to help reduce the stress and to give me energy again (since all I want to do is sleep when depressed). Thanks to Trevor's need of keeping a schedule (which includes working out), it has forced me to stay on track instead of only working out whenever I feel like it. Not to mention it's nice having some people (Trevor and Lauren) to work out with because I don't have the motivation to go and do it myself. As for working out, I've been concentrating on my cardio (because I'm paid to sit on my ass all day) and my upper-body strength (because the three moves I've helped with this summer made me feel pretty damn useless when it came to lifting heavy objects).

For the record, I'm not bettering myself just for myself, but also because I made a promise to Alison that I would try (even though it's too late now). I'm not sure if we'll get back together, but if we don't, I'm taking a vow to not get into another serious relationship again until I graduate from college and get my first job. If remaining single I still plan to date here and there, but as the years go on my time dedicated to relationships has become less and less and adds more stress to my life, therefore making the relationship not as meaningful as it should be.

What has made me most depressed throughout the past week or so is that fact that I haven't spoken to Alison since last Wednesday. The day after that was the first time we have never communicated directly with each other ever since we first met. I no longer have knowledge of what she's been doing, if she's been happy, what she's been thinking, etc. I've been hoping to God that she's happier than I am and has been enjoying life more fully with me not included because I fear that I would fall into the same habits and make her miserable again if we got back together.

This is the first time in my life where I don't feel the "freedom" that comes after breaking up. Instead it has just added a heavier weight to my chest. I've been missing Alison terribly and have been wondering when I'll hear from her again, but I've been trying my best to give her all the space she can get. Until then, I'm living life day-by-day.

To sum it all up: WOW!!!

My current boss came up to me today and asked me about going to a marketing conference at University of Minnesota with my new boss who will be starting next week. I didn't think that traveling was involved for being a student employee, but I'm not going to complain! The hotel and plane ticket will be paid for, plus it's networking!

This opportunity was given because it was done out of an act of appreciating my work and to also get to know my new boss. I'm very flattered. And since my work was being talked about, this was the perfect time to ask for a raise considering that my 1-year came up at the beginning of this month. Sure enough, I'm getting it! :)

The first thing that came to my head when talking about going to the conference? I NEED BUSINESS CARDS!