alright

at least its not a fucking survey

this shits easy

if you got tagged by me

do this shit

list ten random facts about you that noone knows and tenn people to tag

easy right

i just got tagged so i'm it bitches

no tag backs kooks

lets start this shit bitches

1. i fucking hate spiders and will kill every one i can and this sucks cuz there a butt ton in texas

2. i have a pet rock named zanzibar and he's the best pet ever

3. shoes are the devil and i will only wear them while working outside or unless forced to otherwise its flappers or barefoot or my feet are cold which doesn't happen here

4. my hat is pimperer than yours      always

5. i live on a diet of red meat, ramen, hot pockets, frozen pizza, and seafood    (yay carbs and protien)

6. i absolutly can not stand fat chicks on the beach that think they are sexy and insist on wearing a two-piece thus bringing all the hot chicks around them down a few notches. seriously hottest chick ever in the tinyest bikini gets brought down to a five with that beached whale in a two piece within 75 feet of her

7. duct tape is my best friend other than manny, my imaginary friend 

8. i obsess over the tinyest details. sometimes i think i might have ocd

9. i hate you and everything you dream about (not really)

10. i just lied

bonus fact. i'm the sexiest person alive

people im tagging do this shit

1. ashley

2. mike g.

3. whiteypants

4. lacey

5. christina

6. g rizz

7. shasta

8. chongzilla

9. tyler

10. helmsy

tripple meat, tripple cheese, tripple bacon, fully loaded whataburger

onin rings

dr. pepper

whatasized

plus free lemon pie

free chicken strip dinner you are my lunch tomorow

i'm in tears because that was so good

and my gut hurts kinda bad cuz of all the food

but it was delicious

oh what a burger

if you live in kc

you gots ta come get one of these

the captain of the S.S. FUCKIMFULLASAMOTHERFUCKER

1.  if you're gunna drive on the beach, make damn sure you can get your car unstuck from the sand

1a. always when driving on the beach have with you an entrenching tool and two three foot two by sixes

1b. if you see someone stuck in the sand go help cuz it sux to get stuck

1c. if someone helps you get unstuck take them directly to the stripes and get 'em a sixer o lone star and some hot fries they deserve it

2. the most appropriate place to change your baby while eating in a restaraunt is right on the table
in front of the whole damn place
while you're still eating
right next to your food
don't worry about all the people around you who are sickened by this act
its not like the diaper on the table's not completely sanitized or   anything
as you leave
leave the diaper on the table for the staff (WHO HANDLES FOOD)
to clean up
good manners buddy

3. every time you buy whiskey   you get a free .357 and box
of fifty rounds
just to keep you out of trouble
it's teXas state law

4. discrimination is ok here

5. seagulls get laid more than humans do
and they steal your food
fucking scavengers
and squack like the banshees they are all day long
damn seagulls

6. there is no limit to how high your truck can sit off the ground
i saw one yesterday completely pass over a car on 381 north and not even touch the car
not joking

7. you can tell every tourist and every local apart
locals have permatans
tourists wear ankle high white socks and shoes to the beach
locals know that shoes plus sand equals suck for at least two months

8. sand gets in everything
you can't stop it
learn to live with it

9. it is copletely legal to walk into a bank with a handgun strapped to your belt as long as you have on a ten gallon hat
or look like the gun is there for a reason
weird eh

10. you can get anything you want for less than half price at the dirt mall
seriously 600 dollar gucci bag     
80- bucks
45000 dollar rolex
600 bucks
most of these items are stolen though
but the place hasn't ever been shut down so who gives a shit right?

bonus fact
whataburger is 55 quadrillion times better than
mc donalds
hardees
bk
toxic hell
wendy's
sonic
and any other fast food joint you can think of

also whataburger is ten times better than jack in the box
only because of that e-coli thing like ten years ago
and the finger thing
but jack in the box still rules
just not as much as the whataburger

hope you enjoyed
the cap

And if i could swim I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating in the dark.
And if i was blessed i walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving sunken chest.
Because they chose you as the model for their empty little dreams.
With your new head and your legs spread like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you and they  gut you and you give in.
And if i was brave I'd climb up to you on the mountain.
They led you to drink from their fountain spouting lies.
And i'd slay the horrible beast they commisioned
To steer me away from my mission to your eyes,
And i'd stand there like a soldier with my foot upon his chest.
With my grin spread and my arms out in my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me I'd remind you who you are under their shell.
I'd walk through hell for you. Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you. Through hell for you.
Let the torturing ensue. My soul is useless without you
And if they sent a whirlwind, I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake, I'd calm it, and I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you in my weak arms like a first born.I'd walk through hell for you. Let it burn right through my shoes. These soles are useless without you. Through hell for you. Let the torturing ensue
Now, I've walked through hell for you,
what's an adventurer to do
but rest these feet at home with you.

1. Fat girls are easy
2. One too many roofies = dead girl + lots of explaining
3. Designate a driver, and get him drunk first so he's sober by the time you're ready to leave the bar
4. Herpes never killed anyone - Do not fear the herpes
5. Getting into a fight does not make you a man; stabbing the guy before he has a chance to get up off the floor after you sucker punched him in the throat, does.
6. Just because the bar is closing doesn't mean the party is over
7. Driving drunk is never an excuse not to drive to a better party