First off let me say that I have ever read any of the books from the series Twilight is from and from the very beginning I had very little interest in seeing the film. I was a tad interested cause well it was about vampires and I'm always up for another fun vamp outing but it was not the idea that its source material was a huge hit among teen girls and was about a love story but the couple of first trailers for this were god awful. They were boring and dull and I could not tell if it was really about vampires or werewolves or if the kid just had super powers. Yeah later on the much larger trailers came along and were a tad better but those first ones alone with the love story premise had very little affect on me. Now I'm not one of those elitists who instantly opposed this movie cause it was beloved by teenage girls and was rumored to be heavy emo flavored. I can pretty much give any movie a chance and of course wanted to see what the big deal was about.

 

     So I finally sat down and watched twilight and not only was it not totally forgettable and boring as I was afraid but I actually liked it a lot more then I ever expected. Why, you may ask? Well maybe its because I have been around the block and seen a LOT of vampire flicks. When I first heard the premise and story on this thing I instantly KNEW certain things that would happen and the cliches to expect cause like I said I have seen a ton of these. now remember I have not read any of the books so I came in thinking that his family would probably be split down the middle and have some who highly disagreed with the new girl who would go renegade and try to take her from the picture and that there would be a "law" that no woman can know about them and be brought into their world and the whole thing with him being in love with her would be a HUGE taboo and shame on the family, among other basic scenarios. Well first off a lot of the things I was expecting never happened and her family turned out to be friggin sweet hearts (yes I know that probably changes in the other books but this whole rant is just about the first film and first film alone, I'm reviewing this as a stand alone movie by itself and stuff). What I liked is the writer behind the whole thing pretty much managed to avoid a lot of the typical formulas and cliches. Yeah you bet there are still a few to be found here and there but while in reality I know the whole thing is not original it still seemed kinda fresh even to a guy like me that has seen 1000000000 vampire flicks.

    Another thing that impressed me is that it takes the whole vampire thing and actually thinks about it, what would vampires really do for fun? What would they think? and so on, and I love how the family behind closed doors seem just like a typical family and besides them being pale, watching the movie you would never know they were vampires without being told. Anyway getting back to the idea of thinking about being a vampire, this movie makes a basic statement that I A: Never even thought of before and B:is so friggin obvious that I was surprised that me or any other movie had ever even thought about it. The statement is, when you a vampire normal and every day things such as a typical game of Baseball  can be 10000000 plus more fun and interesting. I am have no interest in sports what so ever and never have but even this movie had me thinking "oh yeah if I was a vampire I would be a real sports fanatic!" cause there is a scene with vampires playing baseballs and well its the most fun and exciting and off the wall game of baseball I have ever seen. Why? Cause vampires can move at lightening speeds and hit balls further then any mortal can so a whole game of nothing of vampires speeding through the forest after a bal into a rocket as other vampires speed through the bases at lightening speed would indeed be a blast. Why the hell has nobody thought of this? Of course vampires playing baseball is gonna be 100 times more exciting and interesting then if humans where playing it, hell ANY sport would be, Imagine nothing but vampires playing a friendly game of dodge ball.....holy shit! That would be worth a few thousand bucks just to see! So while I was already kinda digging it till the baseball outing it wasn't till this particular scene that I was sold on this movie and I realized that hey I really liked this thing. I hope there is a football game in the second one...

      Now of course there has gotta some kind of conflict in the film and as it turns out something is killing people around the area and at first you do not see the killers leaving the impression that some of the family members were not keeping to their strict diet and were secretly stepping out for some tasty take out but once again I was wrong, it turns out that there are three rogue vampires who are just happening to be traveling through the area. So here we have three evil vampires and the first time we see them in full person they are mocking their victim who at the time was trying to take off in a boat and so I thought ah now we have arrived at my area of expertise! and sure enough during that same baseball game when the bad vampires invade and discover there is a human in their mists and decide to hunt her with the good vampires rallying for her protection I was pretty sure I knew where we were headed, with a climax of all three trying to break into a barricaded building with many fights which would end in the three vampires getting whacked one at a time heh yay Lost Boys time! Once again I was wrong, as it turns out one of the vampires is obsessed with hunting and killing as was expected but the one who seemed to be the leader of the group turns out to have had enough of the guys over the top evil ways as well and turns up at the families house to warn them and yeah at first I too thought it had to be a trap but no. The female vampire just vanishes and turns her back to the whole thing and at the end its only the one guy they have to deal with.  yeah there is a little vampire battle but nothing spectacular since the movie is more interested in the relationship between the two then the action. Even in the climax tries to switch to suspense to where the young lover has to fight his raging blood lust to save his beloved with the bad guy being mutilated off screen.

     Oh that is something else I wanna mention, here like a lot of the rest a bite can turn you into a vampire and like a LOT when a vampire drinks he breaks into a blood frenzy. Here in this movie the blood frenzy is so intense that only a very few can build up enough inner strength and restraint not to bleed the victim dry and so a vampire turning a human is VERY rare but can be done, Yeah this is not 100% original but fresh enough to keep me satisfied and then that takes us to the sun. The vampires live in this certain area cause most of the time sun is blocked by mists and such but the sun does not turn them into crispy critters but the reason they stay out of it is that it reveals them to be very different. How? Do they look like horrible monsters? or old men? No their skin gets very sparkly as if diamonds were under their skin of course. This is kinda where a warning sign came up for me cause I knew the hard core blood and guts crowed where already against this movie due to the teen angst and emo stuff but now we have sparkly people.... great this movie is gonna be eaten alive. Yeah I have to say that is original but for good reason, most respectful vampire movies would not dare have sparkly vampires but hey if I think of it this way, wouldn't it be worse to be overpowered and killed by glowing sparkly shinny people then a typical vampire? I can just see getting to the afterlife and someone asking you how you expired and you going "errr well... I err... I tripped and fell out a window like a dumb ass... yeah that's what happened.." at least dying by a monstrous bat creature is leaves ya with some dignity...

 

    So did I enjoy this? Of course I did and would I recommend it? Yes and no. I probably would not recommend it to the typical horror fanatic wanting to see bloodshed and mayhem but I do think people who are just fascinated by vampires alone and not necessarily horror fans would dig this a lot so yeah to the vampire aficionados out there I would recommend it. This movie actually tries to play with the vampire mythology instead of fall into lazy formula and I must give it kudos to that but yeah after saying that I preferred the Lostboys way with lots of vampire death and action but not every movie needs to be that way. I like variety in my flicks. I liked it but would not put it in my top ten list or even close BUT that baseball scene would fit into my top ten vampire movie scenes of all time though.... PLAY BALL!

   

Ok well the voting thing worked out about as well as I figured it would which means every vote was pretty much for a different topic and there was no clear "winner" so I will just start from the top post and work my way down :D

 

   Sometime movie studios are so desperate to get a franchise out of something that they know has a big following that sometimes they will just keep trying even after commercial failure. I actually was surprised about Punisher: War Games when I first heard about it. The film before it with Thomas Jane though not a really bad film did not kick much ass in the box-office and so I was not so surprised that there was another one coming as I was that it was not getting the direct to video treatment and had  a rather decent budget. Again most of you know about the Thomas Jane film before War Zone but how many of you know about the 1989 Punisher film staring Dolph Lundgren? For those of you that do ya just got extra cool points in my book heh congrats.

 

I am gonna give a brief review/overview of the three films and so if you do not like spoilers you may want to beware.

 

First I will do the Thomas Jane outing. Many comic book fans loved this one cause it corrected MANY mistakes the dolph Lundgren version made and was a lot more faithfully to the comic book series. Here not only does he have his famed skull shirt but we are shown where it came to be and why he wears it. To me the film was not that bad yet not friggin awesome either, I pretty much walked out the theater thinking it was just ok. This one has less of the "I dedicate my life to punish evil!" that the others do and more death wish like revenge stuff. I know this does make sense do to this film showing the "beginning" and how he would eventually become the lost soul we all know and love but it does create a problem for me and I will get to that later. Thomas Jane does a good job as the brooding Frank castle but then again he usually always does a bang up job. The action here is pretty good and well done yet surprisingly held back in favor of Franks stalking and planning and scheming and I just wanna add that the Punisher I know actually tortures people for REAL, yes I know the guy in this film is not really a REAL criminal and that Frank had not gone into full Punisher mode yet but he never really does cept for maybe the very end. All the way through we are watching him slowly become the hollow shell of a man who has just gave up on EVERYTHING and cares about nothing and who thinks the only way he can make the world a better place is by killing those who deserves it in his eyes.

     Here was my biggest problem, so in the middle of him becoming the man I just described he meets a babe who is obviously into him and on top of that he gets his justice and revenge and the door is wide open for him to rejoin the human race and live a normal life but he turns his back on it like we know he would but the thing here is I just could not buy it. Thomas Janes performance had not gone to the totally hopelessness I died when my family died mode that Dolph and Ray Stevenson's version of Frank did and so after seeing him get his revenge and meeting up with a beautiful woman ready to settle down with and "start over" when we see him on the bridge at the very end deciding that instead he is just gonna stop living and kill bad guys and live in a sewer for the rest of his life its just not believable or at least I did not buy it.

Oh and I wanna mention John Travolta who supplies the villainy in this one, I was pretty much just ok and not too memorable the first half although I do think he picked up and got a little more fun interesting the second half when he starts to lose it throwing his wife in front of a train and stuff. I also was a little disappointed that the there was not much of a climactic showdown between the two at the end, it was pretty dull and unexcited and yes I know that Travolta's character was not a fighter and just make a believable challenge to Jane in a fight but hell he was a criminal mastermind, he could have had something to give him a slight upper hand at the end. There are MANY climaxes where villain who poses no threat physically still makes things very hard for the hero cause he uses his skills or traits that are a threat, like his intelligence, or cunning or just sheer insanity, or vast resources. I just be live that the final encounter with the head baddie should have some kind of suspense or at least excitement and here we get a very small stand-off but I will say that Travolta's death was pretty well done heh.

 

    Now for the newest Punisher, I have not read many fan reviews so I do not really know but I imagine this is the one the fans embraced. Why? Well because its the most faithfull and rip actual images and scenes right out of the comic books, heck even Castles sewer lair looks exactly like it does in the comics. The film also embraces the over the top violence and gore of the comics too, this one goes for the throat and tries to be what its meant to be without making any apologies. What I liked the most is that this one even felt like a comic book movie were the others didn't and this one even has a traditional type comic book villain named Jigsaw but then again I guess that's a no brainer since he is an actual bad guy from the comic books and that is something else this does, takes much more actual comic book characters and stick em into the film well there are changes of course yes I know Jigsaw's brother was not a character from the comics but man what a memorable bad guy he is. I think its safe to say that Ray Stevenson is a tad more believable as the lost soul who turned his back on everything except for killing and hell he even looks just like the comic book version, I saw in my opinion at least Stevenson is probably the most perfect Punisher out of the three. Here he is just brutal, more so then the other two, he is pissed and mean, breaks women's necks, tortures and pretty much as no boundaries where he will not go when it comes to taking out the trash, now THAT is the Punisher! The dark humor here is perfect and thankfully there is not an over abundance of it. I also liked that Jigsaw was an over the top comic bookie villain and I liked that the climax took part in a big old luxury hotel yeah sure it was no hollowed out volcano but it still gave off vibes of the always fun comic bookish /James bondish villains lair. Oh did I say the violence is a tad on cartoony side? he punches a guys face in... yes unrealistic but I always eat that stuff up lol

    Out of the three films this is the only Punisher film where Castle has a physical showdown with the bad guy but really truth to told, jigsaw is no match for the Punisher either. The fight is pretty one sided and he just gets pounded on hard. What actually saves this climax is the first half of the final encounter where Jigsaw decides to play a game and make the Punisher decide who out of his friends dies. See, if you cannot fuck with this physically. fuck with them mentally.  Sadly this one did poorly in the box-office too and I say the chances of seeing more Frank Castle on the big screen at least is VERY slim, its rare to get another big sequel from one flop but I imagine its nearly impossible to get another from two flops in a row.

 

    Here we are now finally to the very First Punisher with Dolph Lunge. Here is a film that all the fans or at least "hardcore" fans of the comics truly despise mainly for the fact that it almost does every thing wrong or at least wrong in the eyes of a fan. There is no skull shirt, almost nothing familiar from the comics is thrown in, instead of a his sweet care he has a bike. There is no dog (though none of the films had the dog). This was also a direct to video effort and lacked the budget of the other two films but to me what it actually gets right really shines. The Frank Castle here is purely dead in the soul, he cares about no one and no body.Out of the three Dolph's frank is the coldest, most uncaring and farthest gone of the three, I really think he is the most believable as an empty shell who just wants to make himself feel better by getting rid of the worlds scum. I trust me I know what you are going to say, of course he is cold and unemotional and seems "empty" its dolph lundgren! well yeah you may be right but it sure does helps a lot when playing a character like the Punisher, almost perfect even. Also one thing I like best about this one is the story. Jane's is pretty much a typical stalk the bad guys and get revenge is ironic ways tale. War zone is pretty much the bad guy building up an army to finally take out the Punisher after establishing himself as the new crime kingpin. here we have the Punisher waging his little war on the mob and suddenly he finds himself in the middle of a huge mob war, It seems that the Yakuza (I know I'm spelling that wrong) has come into town and is playing a hostile take over. Yes there is a big mob boss that Frank is after but the REAL main villain here is the Yakuza leader, I do not remember her name but I definitely remember her. She is beyond evil, cold and such a major bitch. One of the things that works in her favor is that before we meet her we get told a story about her, where in order to keep faith with her organization slits her beloved brothers throat after preparing him his favorite meal and waiting for him to finish it. When it gets to the great scene in the restaurant where she dispatches the biggest part of the mob and then gives the survivor her complimentary "chaser" you know VERY well the story is true and that this bitch is the real thing. Very good villain yet sadly no one remembers the role. but I am not done with the story yet yeah there is more. The yakuza kidnaps all the kids of the mob leaders  and hold them up for ransom which out they get the little lethal meeting set up with them in the restaurant and of course they plan on just selling the children on the slave market. So when the Punisher first hears this problem he intends to do nothing about it, its not his problem but of course in all these movies he always has a sidekick/friend who ends up stirring up the good man still trapped inside by some king of speech or rant and so the Punisher decides to put pause on his crusade and rescue the children and here not only is he just a vigilante but a true hero. Let me remind who this is the spawn of the men he despises and wants to kill yet he still puts everything on the line to save them. Anyway of course all the children are saved except for the main mob boss's son and so the Mob boss makes a deal with Frank to go back and rescue the kid. There is actually a really good story here and manages to bring out many of the emotional sides of the Punisher. Just giving him the option, does he do what he knows what is right or turn his back on it like every thing else? Hell he even has a best friend back when he was a "real" person" who he has to make the same decisions about. Should he save him or say screw him? Plus of course I love the corny end where Crime Boss's son has a gun pointed at the Punisher and he knells to it and pretty much says "go ahead you will be doing me a favor, I do not care" and when the kid does not he tells him not to grow up like his father cause if he does, he will be waiting.

 

So yeah I know why comic book fans hate this one but as a fan of action films in general this one actually is not bad at all and is pretty underrated. Yeah he has no skull shirt but does that REALLY make a movie on its own a bad movie? really? maybe I just more forgiving then most heh who knows.

   Well it has been about a month since my vacation and I have yet talk about any moment of it as of yet so I decided to finally write up my little vacation blog though most of it will focus on one very traumatic moment/disaster. So every year I go visit my best friends Vampy and Maggot and hang out with them and annoy their family. One of the major events of the vacation is our yearly trip to the fall horror convention up there and so far every year it has been me, vampy, maggot and vampy's brother and usually we have a blast.

    I guess I should pause a little to describe the convention for those who have yet to ever go to one, its basically one half of a build filled to the brim with dvds, posters, shirts, action figures and many other kinds of collectable's associated with horror/B movie drive in type films. You can find some amazing things there and yeah some of the prices can be outrageous but its still very possible to find some great deals and amazing items. They show films and other random festivities and of course there are always the special guests celebrities there to sign autographs and talk with fans. This year I met and had my picture taking with Michael Berryman, for those who do not know him he is the crazy manic al looking bald man from the original Hills Have Eyes films and have gone to play in zillions of other assorted B movies during the 80's and up to now. He is a great guy, very warm and friendly and it was great to meet him.Plus how many times to you get the chance to tell the guy in the movie that scared the hell out of you as a kid that he scared the hell out of you?

    Well to some it all up there was some nice things to see there and I got a few neat things yet they seemed not to have as much great stuff as the last two years but ah well there is always next time. Though we did not know it yet but the real adventure would be the long drive home, see it actually took about an hour to get to the convention but the trek back to their homes was I'm guessing about 4 hours long.

Early on our way back we stopped for lunch and ate at popeyes and I unfortunately indulged myself to some ice cream as well. The trip back after that was pretty fun, we were cracking jokes, laughing and just being silly and it was in the midst of it that I noticed I felt odd. I did not feel sick no but odd and before I could know it I felt my past lunch working its way up my throat. Now at this point I was pretty screwed, If I open my mouth to warn them it was gonna spew and so being the  moron that I am I tried to fight it down with very little effect. It came out strong and me in full panic did the first thing I could think off, cram my hands over my mouth. Well all this seemed to do was create a nice water gun squirting like effect in all directions, Its at this time that Maggot who was sitting besides me yells out " OH MY GOD HE IS BLOWING CHUNKS!!" Still in full panic mode I do the only other thing that comes to my head, I open up the window and stick up head out a speeding car going about 70 miles an hour with vomit still violently flowing out of my mouth like a great water fountain, I think its safe to say that the decision did not help matters much. Obviously the two in the front of the car were in full freak out mode at this point and poor vampy who cannot take vomit was already dangerously on the edge of insanity.

      So its safe to say that the car took a nice little rest on the side of the road for a few minutes and then made its way to the nearest rest stop. At this time I tried my best to clean up the car as good as I could cause we still had a long trip to finish, oh and did I mention that the car was a rental? Ah yes the idea was that we would not only travel in comfort this year but in style too but unfortunately its hard to be comfortable when you are covered in chicken skin. Actually by a great stroke of luck no one really got splattered with it except myself, the others almost got away unscathed. Vampy's brother Jerry had one piece of chicken skin on his shoulder and it somehow managed to magically miss Vampy and Maggot, no the real victim was the car. Not only did I get my entire side covered in ark slime along with the whole inside door and window but it was all over the side of the car and we even found some on the other side of the car and in some other odd places. So back to be franticly cleaning the car, they bring out air fresheners and stay at a safe distance while I do my job and the entire time they are cracking wise and  laughing hysterically at me and I cannot say a thing about that cause everyone knows if it had happened to one of them... I would of done the same thing. Even vampy who was on the verge of tears was even laughing, yes I knew that for the rest of my life I would never live down the that moment, the day that Ark's vomit conquered the would. So for the rest of the vacation I had wonderful puke and Popeye chicken jokes to look forward to which is wonderful cause any normal person would probably have me on the next flight back to Missouri at that point. See if you really want to see just how true your friendship is with someone.... just puke on them.

    The next day me and Maggot went out and did a super clean up job on the car as best as we could and did a pretty good job, the rental place did not notice a thing when they returned it. Though those who where there know very well that the car would never truly be the same again...scarred for life. So I have this odd feeling that next year there will be no food stops allowed to  or from the convention,home made sandwiches and chips will be the flavor of the day. See and now that I had scarred Vampy and her loved ones for life... my vacation was complete and so that pretty much covers the great popeyes recycling of 08. I could talk about other moments of the vacation but I would never be able to top what I have already covered and so I will just end it there until next year when its time to blog about my newest vacation blunder.

Yes I know this should of been posted before Halloween and that its a tad late but ah well, at least I'm not waiting too long after to put it up! The other day I was watching TV and saw that show on 100 Scariest Horror Movie moments and thought I thought do one of my own in my blog, well not 100 but list a few of my fave horror movie moments be it for what ever reason, be it cause it was scary as hell or there was just something about it that influenced me or changed the way I looked at movies or whatever.

Yeah so remember this is not best movies but best moments so let us begin.

 

 

Phantasm: There should be no surprise this is here since its my fave horror series of all time heh. Actually there are Several stand out memorable moments in this series but for me I have to list the very first time one of those killer spheres makes its appearance and claims its first victim. Back then it was shocking, new and just plain odd. Nobody had seen anything like this before which is why today even people who never seen a Phantasm movie has heard of and knows a little about the killer Spheres

 

Demons 2: Everyone raves about the moment in Ring where the little girl comes out of the TV and yes it was a pretty creepy moment and was even listed on the 100 scariest moments show BUT for me this little scene did not startle or impress me as much as everyone else. Why is that you ask? Well its because I have seen it done before and better in demons a scene in which I had already had very fondly in my memory banks as one of the best moments ever. Honestly in Demons 2 when screen bulges out from its frame and the demon heads begins to emerge it scared the holy hell outta me, it was such an awesome and shocking moment. Ring original? pffft.

 

The Gate: slightly cheesy horror film where a boy discovers that the hole in his backyard is the entrance to hell and oh how much I loved it. For one thing this is another one in the very small list of horror movies where the hero is a small boy and its a REAL horror movie not a comedic light hearted family romp. I love the real balls to the walls horror film that happens to star a child, most of the time they are great. The "Phantasm, child's play" The great moment in this film for me anyway has to be when the head demon finally reveals himself  and he himself was a great looking and memorable critter. The whole scene is just creepy and when he picks up the boy by the hand and dangles him around the room only to leave him unhurt and alive where its revealed to the boy's horror that he inserted an eye into the middle of the kids hand so he can keep watch on him is just freaky and very memorable.

 

Return of the Living Dead: Besides from Dawn of the Dead this is the best zombie movie ever and is where the whole "brains" thing began. It also features one of the best and creepiest zombies of all time, the Tar Man!! Every scene that this guy is featured in is great. Best zombie EVAH.

 

 Christine: One of my favorite Stephen King flicks. The scene where it shows the car fix itself for the first time is still amazing to this day and back then was just awe inspiring, At the time it was highly original and unexpected and just brought a whole new level to the possessed killer car concept. I wish my car could do that... just sans the killer the ass holes part....... while maybe just a little of the killing the ass holes part...

 

American Werewolf in London: I just had to mention this one too for it had the best, most original and shocking werewolf transformation of all time and it influenced all werewolf films that came after it. The special effects of the transformation was just outstanding and made it very clear that turning into a wolf just hurts like hell man! Gah so friggin painful looking...

 

Howling: Another trend setting werewolf film I had to mention, The scene were Eddie transforms in the dark room in front of the trapped woman is just so friggin unsettling and the woman probably marks the number one character that the audience never wants to trade shoes with ...ever. Imaging being trapped and seeing this guy wolf out into one of the scariest looking werewolves ever....

 

Silver bullet: Another wolf flick and another dark horror film staring a child where the wheel chair bound kid shoots the werewolf in the eye with a bottle rocket.... nuff said.

 

Carpenters the Thing: I know that I'm listing movies that the before mentioned TV show mentioned but some of these I have to list like this one. A man's head melts off, falls to the floor and then sprouts spider legs and antenna and walks out of the room........ pure genius...

 

Bone Yard; Giant zombiefied poodle monster, need I say more?

 

Dead-Alive: This film honestly has several upon several awesome scenes that could be mentioned here but my favorite moment has always been the action packed climax where the hero must confront his evil mother who is not only the leader of the zombie menace but has mutated into a gigantic towering monster. This movie just oozed fun all over.

 

Nightmare on Elm Street: Which scene could I be singling out here? The bed scene? The scene were Tina gets it? No, this movie had me from the very beginning literally. To this day I do not know why but the opening scene in the steamy boiler room where it briefly shows him working on something and then reveals it to be the now famous clawed glove just creeped me the hell out and for years was the part I remembered the most.

 

Mad Man Mars: Old forgotten cheesy 80's slasher but with a moment where of course the car won't stop and when the guy lifts the hood to see what the problem is, the killer is in the spot the engine should be and grabs the guy. Implausible yes... but back when I was a kid that did not stop it from being highly effective and did I mentioned the guy decapitates someone using a car hood too?

 

Well if I keep going this sucker is gonna be huge so I will add greater moments later and stuff

A while back I decided to have a yearly vacation where I would come and visit my best friend Vampy over in Michigan for a week or two. Well this is the third year and this time I took two weeks and as I type now I have already been here in Michigan for a week. So far we have gone out a LOT to several different places to eat, gone to several stores and we have already go to the yearly horror convention that we also go to every year I come down. Got some cool new shirts and a kick ass Gillman bobble head along with some movies and other stuff. We have had a bone fire and did a bunch of other fun things and still have got more things planed, got a couple of movies we may go to and this Saturday we are going to a big haunted house attraction that apparently they set up in a mill that is really supposed to be haunted. So so far things are going pretty good so far this year except for one insane mishap that I will never live down and everyone is already laughing hysterically about heh I MAY blog about that at a later date heh maybe.

      Oh and one more thing is that last year as most of you already have seen we dressed me up as a pimp and left the picture up for the entire year. The picture itself was meant to be a parody of all the idiots we see on myspace who really do think they are gangsta and pimps and have pics of them shirtless with goldchians and holding wads of cash and other such things. So of course my pimp picture had to be as silly and cartoonish as possible which is why that is star wars monopoly money im holding heh. So I have decided to make it a tradition to make a new picture of me in a different get up every year and leave it up for a year till next vacation and do it all over again. So what did we decide to do this year? Well after a lot of thinking and brainstorming we came up with something that made us both smile and shake our heads in shame... so we HAD to do it. The said picture has not been created as of yet but the costume is already purchased and the new picture will be posted up soon enough heh just keep posted.

 

Till next blog.... try to avoid popeyes chicken during long car drives.

Well by now just about every fan of the genre knows about Uwe Boll and they all hate him of course. At first glance he seems the ultimate super hack director that can do no good and just purrs forth horribleness that would even give the Cthulu dark nightmares. I my self at first started off despising the man and his work. House of the Dead while hated I found to be a tolerable and somewhat enjoyable mess of a movie though his others to follow, Alone in The Dark and Blood Reign were extremely forgettable . Now lets skip to today where I have seen most of his films and have come to some very interesting conclusions and thoughts. Here recently I have seen two of his films one of them being his typical piece of crude but the other one I actually liked pretty well.The man has made two films I have actually liked one I'm about to review and the other one being In The Name Of The King. Does this mean I think he is a little underrated and can actually be a good director? No, I do not think he is much of a director at all though I believe lot of his haters have just jumped the bandwagon and pretty much feel that they HAVE to hate his stuff. The two films I liked I just think he actually and finally  got some dumb luck and  stumbled into making something that I could actually watch without laughing at its badness.This blog is pretty much just my reviews of those two films but I just wanted rant about my thoughts about the director himself. The man has developed a huge army of haters and he himself knows this and has made it very clear he is very aware about the criticism.  He just will not stop, there has been several more games he has announced he will make into movies and I gotten the feeling that he has just started to purposely make bad video game movies just to piss off his critics and if that is true its... friggin awesome and hysterical. Honestly if he has decided to make bad movies just to enraged his haters then he has my undying respect. Sure I dislike most of his movies but it has already proven that once in a while he can make a movie that entertains me. . I always hear people yell that he ruins their beloved games but honestly how many people out there actually LOVED Blood Reign? If it was something like Legend of Zelda I could understand but games like House of the Dead has small cult followings but now EVERYONE hates him for making bad movies about them and most of them rant about how he ruined their games.... whatever. I have always had a small suspicion that a lot of his haters have not even played the games his movies are based on but since the badness of his movies is so well known and admitting to liking one of his movies suddenly puts them out off the "in crowed" which obviously means they aren't REAL movie fans [if you could only see my eyes rolling while I wrote that sentence] then of course they just have to jump on the bandwagon and say what everyone else is saying. What I'm am saying to say his that while I do not think he is a talented director in the least I also think this whole hatred thing of him is just so overblown and silly. Yes his movies suck but there have been many movies out there WAY more horrible then his. Why does the directors of Trolls 2 or Zombie lake not get so much bad attention and press? Uwe Boll is not the worse director ever, deal with it. So if he continues to make bad movies just to piss people off and in his own way yell out FUCK YOU to his critics... then he is friggin awesome, not a good director but awesome and an original. So on with the reviews...

 

 

Seed: For a while I read articles from Boll that with this movie he was gonna put those so called brutal movies like hostile to shame and was going to be truly heart wrenching and shocking. So just let me tell you that Seed is without a doubt......a typical slasher movie. This is not an envelope pushing pulse pounding shocker though you can tell it tries to be. My biggest problem with it is that it is so friggin stupid and implausible. Not one minute of this movie is believable. The police to decide to go after a very violent and dangerous killer in the dead of night and when they get to his house they all split up and not one seems to know how to use a walkie to keep in touch with the other officers. They all split up and go off alone, not in twos or threes but off by themselves where they could easily be picked off. When the killer is caught when he is shown on death row he is still wearing his murder mask. WTF? Why the hell would they let him keep that? Would it not be considered evidence? When he escapes he easily goes around a seemingly unguarded prison, yes you seen spot lights but not one armed guard making his rounds, The good guys in this thing are really stupid.

The film also never explains how the police know he was their man or how they even discovered where to find him plus there is just about no back story given on the killer, other then the fact that he is insane he have no idea of who he is as a character. At least we knew why Jason was so pissed off but here there is very little story to go with the gore.

That however is one of the movies strong points, the gore and kills are very well done and awesome. There are actually some very well done scenes, the hammer torture scene is excellent and hysterical though I'm sure it was not meant to be funny.So in the end Seed is not a hostile killer, its another forgettable slasher flick.

 

 

Postile: Now this is a shocker, a Uwe Boll video game movie I actually liked. This movie is so friggin funny and so wrong and fucked up that it has to be seen to be believed. Hell the first five minutes makes fun of 9-11 and though most of this is very offending it actually manages to be very funny. Every thing is poked fun of and the movie is so gloriously over the top stupid that its not hard to have fun and smile for two hours.This movie has things I have never seen before and the moment the hero picked up a cat, stuck his gun up its ass and used it as a silencer,shooting out its mouth, it had me.If this movie did not have Uwe Boll's name attached to it, it would have been an instant cult classic but since nothing he makes can be good it got passed up and ignored which is a shame.

 

and there is my thoughts on our beloved director Uwe Boll, let the hate email ensue!

Yes I know it has been ages since I have made a new blog here (the last one being from Christmas of 2006 heh. So I have decided to start things off again with a blog finishing up my "thoughts on the top horror series" with Child's Play.

   The first Child's Play movie is a tad special to me because it was the first movie I got to go see in the theaters by myself and boy did I enjoy myself. There have been loads of killer doll/puppet movies made but I do consider this one as one of the best of the sub genre. For a killer doll movie it actually had its creepy moments and for the time the special affects were amazing. Brad Dourif does a knock out job as the voice of the evil little Chucky and pretty much has made the character his, I could never fathom another actor ever loaning his voice to Chucky and even coming close to Brad Dourif's voice performance. The rest of the cast in the first film do a fine job even the little boy who played Andy, by the end of the movie I was really rooting for him. Not all that gory though the movie did manage to have a good amount of suspense and the little bit of humor thrown in here and there actually helped spice it up a bit without being too much to drown the whole thing.

   The first sequel pushed up the kill count, gore and humor yet manage to be a lot of fun and almost as good as the first film. Brad Dourif is back and he always seems to get better at Chucky every time he does it. As far as horror Franchise sequels go this is one of the better ones. Also something I would like to talk about is the climaxes well of the first few films anyway. I know the un killable guy who keeps coming back has been done to death but Childsplay always manages to do it with style. The best thing about it is once about Brad Dourif's voice acting,cause chucky really does get tortured at the end of these things and he really friggin deserves it and ole Brad seems to understand this. His screams of horror,agony and pain are so friggin dead on, all his little " oh no! god no no" and other little screams just make the whole thing so satisfying and boy does he get plenty of chances to do it at the end of the first few films. He normally gets fried, cut up, mutilated and god knows what else before he gets taken down one last time. The best one is the climax of part 2. He gets his hand cut off, cooked in hot steam, his crouch sewn, his legs ripped off, melted (yes melted) and then finally blown up like a balloon until exploding. Chucky was one of the few horror bad guys that REALLY gets what the deserves at the end of these, he gets put through as much pain as possible and Brad Dourif always milks it as much as he can.

    While the third film was not as good as the first two it was still a worthy sequel and pretty well done. I think the saving grace of this film is its setting. The film is set in a military school for young punks and you rarely get to see a horror film set in this kind location. Though a lot of fans do not like this one every one always seems to remember the barber and his " presto your bald!" line and of course chucky's "presto your dead!"   Well this is when the series takes a bad dive for me.

 

Part 4 was pretty funny had has some very good moments but I never really got over the fact that they went the Scream route like so many of the films back then with the knowing self reference comedy. I have not a problem with this kinda thing at all but it just not right for a Childsplay film. The end has chucky just getting shot. heh boy did they miss the point hell the entire movie has lost the while feel and mood of the first three.

    Five pumped up the self reference and humor even more and actually in ways is a tad wittier and better then 4 but it still falls into the same problem as the 4th . I prefer the first three, to me they kinda represent the "old school" way of things before everything changed.

 

                                                                                                         I give this one a 2 out of 3

Yeah I know I have one more movie series I wanted to do in my movie series review I am doing but I decided to do a little Christmas blog before finishing it up. Now most people who have known me for a while knows that I am a pretty easy guy to get along with and that I normally go out of my way to avoid conflicts and never go out looking for a fight or argument and that I can get along with almost anyone. Well earlier today not even an hour ago I was a part of a very old Christmas tradition EXPECIALLY on Christmas Eve, I got into a argument in a parking lot. It was really extreme luck on my part because when I left the grocery store me and the people I was with saw I woman in the parking spot in front of the one we was parked in and she was backing up and to our horror she got maybe one half inch to our car and of course we yelled " HEY!".

Well as soon as we yelled and ONLY then did she stop, yes it was pretty friggin obvious that if we have not been there to yell she would have hit the car, this I have no doubts over. Well we kept walking to the car and apparently instead of us mad it was HER that decided to get angry because she said something rude and hostile out the window and before I knew it my aunt who was there was at the window arguing with her. I walk right up to the window and say " I saw the whole thing and you was just an inch to the car and did not stop until we screamed, you WOULD of hit the car, end of story" What was her response? Well it was pretty typical for a woman of her limited IQ, she used the kids in her car as scapegoats  " I would have NEVER hit that car because I have KIDS in the car and I would not endanger their lives." Ok we was officially in eye rolling and groaning territory here. Something else that I am fully positive about is that if we had not been there and she did hit the car, that she would have just left cause one thing I know is that scummy people will always be scummy people even on Christmas Eve. Anyway, as she rolled up her window and started pulling out I yelled " You are stupid!" Yes I could of been a lot meaner then that hehe anyone who knows me knows that I could of let her have it so hard that her ears would be sticking out of her ass but there were kids in the car and it was Christmas eve after all so instead of treating them to ass chewing theater I decided just to let their mom know she was a flaming moron because sometimes stupid people just need to be reminded that they are imbeciles. Merry friggin Christmas.

 

Oh and I would also like to give a REAL non sarcastic MERRY CHRISTMAS to all my readers however this does not go to any one like that woman in the parking lot who are the ones who give us all those wonderful mystery dings and scratches to be found on our cars when we come back to the parking lot which is just one little thing among the LONG list of other scummy things these people do. To those people instead of wishing a very merry Christmas, I would just like to say..... Go fuck yourself with a fully decorated pine tree, that is all.