I read that one who doesn't want to be alone but can't make himself agreeable to others shows weakness.

My present situation, regarding stuff that needs to be done but that I don't want to do just yet, relates to that. Eg, exercise.

I could set up my own area with an exercise bike, some weights, and maybe a stereo, punching bag, etc. I don't want to just now, yet I think about it daily.

It seems a big excuse for not wanting to do it is that I would be doing it alone, so I won't. But of course if someone told me to, make specific suggestions, pushed me to do more, ie acted as a coach, I'd want him or her to go away and leave my flabby ass alone.

The ideal companion would probably be an absolutely non-judgemental, submissive cheerleader, like a particularly satisfied cat, or a stupid version of Donna Reed.

Everything seems clean and important in my imagination compared with the dull and dirty stuff outside, where nothing seems to matter and everything is a pain in the ass. The quiet of the world under snow almost brings it into focus.

Legalize it.

Treat addiction as a disease.

Treat disease as a public problem -- nationalize health care.

To solve drunk driving, put trains, buses, and trolleys everywhere, and have them running when the bars close. You can't lose your license walking.

All major league baseball players should be forced to take steroids, and all olympic athletes should be required to smoke pot.

That would simplify things, and it might be easier than forcing newcasters to show news.

(Yes, maybe I should buy kruggerands and bullets, grow a lot of beans, set up a windmill, and move to the mountains)

As far as I know, banks are supposed to invest depositors' money by loaning it out at interest, after figuring out how risky each loan is and giving it an interest rate appropriate to the level of risk.

It would seem that many banks either didn't do the evaluation part, or better yet, invested in loans someone else made, or in slices of stacks of loans (CDO's), or even in more complex kinds of investments.

And now I'm expected, you're expected, we're all expected, to have our government borrow a shitload of more money to:

BUY these investments from the banks

at a price the banks set

It's practically a done deal.

Also:

Republican senators have about twice the influence that Democratic ones do
Israeli lobbyists have about twice the influence that Republican senators do
Right-wing commentators love Republicans and hate Democrats
Left-wing commentators hate Republicans and hate Democrats

conclusion: if I have to be something, I should be a Republican. At least when they lose, they still win, and people still like them.

If I weren't so damn lazy, I'd probably go in for the "f*** all y'all" school of political thought, aka real libertarianism, aka every man for himself.

40 Republican senators are more powerful than 58 Democratic senators.

Also, I just got the boss key in the sky temple. Now what?

Israel should just nuke Gaza, and America should just kill anyone poor
who won't or can't work, quickly. It would be more honest. It really is what
right wingers in both places want.

Hamas Cash into Gaza Is Stopped [BBC]

Sure, we don't want to let them get more of those model rockets they
shoot into the Israeli desert, and we don't want to have our tax dollars
taken from us and used to encourage dependency.

No, we want to kill them, men, women, children, old and infirm, down to
the last orphan.

Not that I would know, yet I wonder.

Stuff... um, strength. I've mentioned how annoying it is to consider exercise, going up and down, or back and forth, or moving some weight or pulling on a rubber band again and again, the same way, to end up in the same place, with nothing accomplished but to reform some cells and increase my appetite.

What's the point?

Maybe something like stuff needing to be done. But what needs to be done? I look around and see endless waste, so much pointless activity, blathering, showing off. Bullying, most of it financial or political or military, between people and societies. And a lot of effort supposedly devoted to stopping it or changing it. Good, but not so inspiring to me. I don't want to build the biggest tower for myself, and I don't want to help build minimal towers for the many who have none, or ride to anyone's rescue.

But, I do want something to change. I want to put things in order. Things rust, crumble, rot, fall apart, get lost, wear out, tear, break down, fail and start to smell funny. Visit a frat house to see an example.

I like to arrange things, I like to clean things, I like to fix things and make them better when I can. So.

I'm tired, my back hurts, my arms get tired, and walking is, well, not quite as enjoyable as sitting, and of course these tendencies will continue and deepen in the years left to me.

Disorder is internal as well as external. I suppose I'd prefer not to hurt and tire so easily, and to feel more up to changing the disorder around me than I am.

What happens then? I can't stop the inevitable.

I suppose if I get out a bit more and maybe ride the old exercise bicycle a bit, I may find more energy to repair it as it needs to be.

I want a subwoofer for my phone, so that when it rings at work, where I
leave it on my desk whenever I get up to go to the bathroom or a meeting,
or lunch, or an errand, or to get something from my car, it won't just
vibrate or play a happy song: windows will shake, pencils will roll, and
coffee cups will rattle off the edges of people's desks, just like when
someone with a bazooka drum in his car drives by outside, and I can hear
the jack and spare tire in his trunk rattling around to the sound of
Jelly or Skeezey or MC Bumpalot.

I'm watching a news talk show where the bobbleheads are calling themselves latinas, talking about latinas.

It's the currently acceptable designation for females who are partly descended from the native peoples from the US and south of here that got colonized by the Spanish.

Every few months, there's a different currently-acceptable designation for one minority or another. Gays vs homosexuals, blacks vs african-americans, and on and on and on.

There's a common element to all the above: the people being designated as this or that do not choose the name for themselves.

No name will ever be right when it's imposed on a minority by a separate majority.

Such names all mean the same thing: not one of us.

I don't want to work. I don't want to improve myself. I don't want to be the strongest, smartest, fastest, biggest, baddest mofo in the room. Power=responsibility, and I mess up plenty with the power I have.

There seems to be a duality, an either-or choice between either developing and growing all the time or else getting fat and, well, taking up space until you die.

That's certainly true of companies on the stock exchange. The number one criteria for a desirable stock is earnings growth.

Why not get to be the right size, and then stop? Look at the clouds. Eat slowly. Space out. Daydream. Enjoy the senses. Take a nap.

There was always some idea of some world that wasn't dull grey. Some
world of definite action, where even the leaves mattered, where
everything was imortant and everything was up to me.

Mostly, it isn't. Mostly, I don't matter. Mostly, the only thing needed
is a drudge. Maybe a happy, interested in stuff kind of drudge. Yet
either happy or not, still insignificant.

This life is not part of a great story. If any story fits, maybe it's
this one:


I sleep, and I awaken.

When I wake up, I see that the floor is dirty, so I get the broom and
sweep up.

Each day, the broom is less effective. When the broom no longer works, I
get a new broom.

I play games to pass the time.

At some point, it all ends.


That's about it. Bills, studies, pursuits, chases, causes, arguments,
relationships: all things are either dirt to be swept, broom to sweep
with, or games to play.