So I thought since I had to read it and have my heart broken, I would share it with all of you.  During on of Carlene's counseling sessions the topic came up of missing people, I think it was after Aaron was so horribly taken from us. Anyways, Carlene wrote (dictated) a letter to a person that she missed, here it is:

Daddy,

I miss you very much.  Sorry you don't love me enough to see me after the divorce.  But its ok, cause I don't need a Daddy, I have a Mommy, a Pampy, and a Grammy.  I still love and miss you, but less and less each day.  One day you'll just be some man I used to know.  When you see GOD you'll have to tell him why, and I won't help you lie.

Love

Carlene

I want you to know I received this letter as part of Carlene's exit papers for her counseling. I was not there when she did this, it was only Carlene and her counselor, but it is not the first time sentiments of this nature have come from her sweet little lips.  It is true it's the little ones who get hurt the most when Mommy and Daddy can't learn to get along.  I'm glad though to know that she is making it out of this little ditch in the road of life.  To all of you if you are a Mommy or a Daddy they will get through this, just a little time and a lot of love.

I know many people who say she's all me, ok almost everyone, but there are the FEW and I mean FEW who see Allan in her, well the jury is in thanks to My Heritage.com:

the results are:

You know how when someone you care about dies, after a while they aren't that prominant in you mind, then something happens and you think of them and can't get them out of your head.  Well thats the atmosphere here at work and the thing is we are all thinking of the same person.  A good friend that worked with me died over the summer, God she could make you laugh even as she was dying.  Well some stupid shit is happening to a person here at work and we are all really down about it, and then it happened someone said "I wish Kathy Gay were still here she's get us to laugh this gloom away." So now on top of the gloom from the stupidness of the Governemnt we are sad because Kathy is also gone. 

So to all of those who have lost someone, my heart goes out to you, cause there are days when the pain is as bad as the day they died.  If anyone has any tips on how to get past this feeling let me know, cause work is pretty bad now, we are all on the verge of crying.

I herd this song while at SOULFEST, and just haven't been able to get it out of my head....wonder what it means.

"Bowling Ball"

Maybe he'll change, maybe things'll get better
Maybe it would be nice, if he wouldn't always put you down
Maybe things'll work out, but maybe they'll never
And i think you've given him the benefit of the doubt

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

Maybe he'll change, if you could be better
But maybe it's not your fault, he's checking out the waitress now
But someday you'll change, one day you're stronger
And you will have changed enough that it's time to get out

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

(you have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him)

You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him
You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him

(you have too much to give, to live to waste your time on him)

By God's mercy and grace through his son Christ Jesus, I have been saved.  As my world has changed from one way of life to another I have noticed many different things. 

1)      When people hear that you are a Christian they automatically think that you are supposed to be perfect and not sin…….FALSE……no one on earth has even been perfect save for Jesus and no one will ever be again till his return.  Christians are people just like those who are not Christians, they sin, they do good things, they sin, etc.  The difference is that Christians are forgiven of their sins, and they try knowingly to better themselves through Christ.

2)      That different "SINS" have different costs or value to them…….FALSE……sin is sin in God's eyes.  It is us has human beings that put a value on sin, say for example that murder is worse then steeling, or adultery is not as bad as child molestation.  (this lesson is one that I have struggled with)

3)      IF you sin after you are saved; you are no longer worthy and cannot call yourself a Christian.  WRONG again…..again we are just humans and we will all sin till the day we die.  As Christians we know that one is to HATE THE SIN, LOVE THE SINNER, because it doesn't matter what you have done God and Jesus still love you and as Christians we still love you and one another.

So just because I'm saved doesn't mean that every word out of my mouth, and every action I take is pure and perfect, because its not, nor do I pretend that it is.  It's time the world understood that being saved and being a Christian isn't the same as being Jesus (the only person who ever walked to earth who was perfect in every way).  It just means that we have forgiveness for the wrong we will say, think, and do throughout our lives.