- Mike Huckabee: "We've had a Congress that spends money like John Edwards at a beauty shop." (May 15)

- Joe Biden: "Rudy Giuliani — there's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb, and 9/11." (October 30)

- Mitt Romney: "This is a lot like 'Law and Order.' It has a huge cast. The series seems to go on forever, and Fred Thompson shows up at the end." (October 9)

- Mike Gravel: "Some of these people frighten me." (April 26)

- Joe Biden: "Dennis [Kucinich], the thing I like most about you is your wife." (July 23)

- John McCain (on Clinton's support of a Woodstock museum): "I wasn't there. I am sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time." (October 21)

For like the past month have had this like sinus thing going on and I am constantly blowing my nose, I don't know what it is allergies, cold, killer flu. Well, I had this same problem last year around this time and the year before basically since I moved to Da Natti.

The only thing that seems to work is Nasacort, that nose spray, it's a nasal steroide and I love IT!! It smells like new car smell.

When my nose is on steroids I don't blow snot rockets I blow tissue seeking missiles, I usually have to use like 3 sheets of tissue because the snot blows right through. My nasal cavity is so strong I almost blow out a lung. Ok that's a lie but it did hurt like hell and it scared me straight I got off the junk and did not fill the prescriptions, and now I'm seriously jonesin'

So I went to the Dr., the one that introduced me to the junk. While in the waiting room I decide, I can't come right out and ask for the stuff or she will know I'm an addict and not give me a prescription. So I concoct the following story.

Dr: Hello, again Fran what's going on today?

Fran: I've got this sinus thing, it's been like a month, just constant sneezing, blowing my nose, clearing my throat, coughing, sometimes I wake up in the morning and the snot has like collected in my throat and I'm choking on what feels like a giant snot worm!

Dr: Whoa, that's gross.

Fran: Gross! Did you just say that's gross, don't you tell guys to turn and cough will cupping their JUNK!

(I should say now me and Dr actually get along quite well and she understands when I'm joking, she laughed)

Dr: So have you taken any OTC medications for this?

Fran: No, I don't generally go for that soft core stuff. But you know doc. I had this problem last year too, I can't remember what it was that you recommended can you check that chart, what ever it was I remember it working pretty well.

(mumbling, pretending to try to remember the name and steer her in the right direction)

Nasal…no Nassy…that's not it…Nosey……

Dr: Fran, I prescribed you Nasacort 3 times over the last 2 years.

Fran: Really, humm…I don't know why I can't ever remember that, do you have any more of those samples?

I got my prescription and 2 free samples, it says no more then 4 squirts a day but I am back into my old habit and on like 2 hits an hour. DAMN MONKEY!

Today is Turkey Day at the Compound. This is the day when everyone in the compound leaves their desks and congregates in the Yota Café for free turkey dinner. I think Yota Chef secretly hates Turkey Day because it is catered. The people that work in the Café serve us but Chef just stands in the corner with an I poisoned the sweet potatoes look on his face.

I am realizing that I'm not the only one that has realized Double D is an idiot. This morning I had the random conversation with someone I didn't know on an elevator.

Me: Good Morning

Random Elevator guy or REG: Hi how's it going?

Me: >complacent nod<

REG: You work in Shera's group don't you? (Shera is the name I'm going to give Double D's boss because she is awesome)

Me: Yeah, Serv/Export

REG: Man I wonder how much money they spend on flying her in every week.

Me: Yeah, I know I'd trade my salary for her travel budget in a heart beat.

REG: But I guess she comes in so often because D isn't a very strong manager.

At first I think man this guy is intuitive. then I wonder if he's a mole or something, then I decide to just say.

Me: Yeah, he's not exactly capable.

REG laughs which eases my fear that he's a mole.

Later in the morning…

D: Fran there's a bunch of stuff from you in the approval loop, come to my desk for a little pow wow, I want to hear how things are coming along.

I hate D's lingo, it's littered with cheesy business cliché catch phrases like "kudos", and "Pow Wow", and now he's started to incorporate a lot of Japanese buzz words and "Toy-lingo" Kaizan, pokayoke, Genchi Genbutsu, yoketon.

The problem I have with D using "Toy-lingo", other then this Tuck-fied accent, is he's so eager to use these words he often uses them incorrectly. Which in my opinion, adds the ass to Jack!

So D and me "pow wow" and then he says to me.

D: We are the lead on this project we should be making changes and kaizaning the process to fit our needs not theirs

Okay, there have been 3 meetings D and I have attended on this particular project none of which we have called, chaired, or even dominated, we were not the party requesting actions and information, in-fact it was just the opposite.

How that hell does that make us lead!

And my changes (Kaizans, I don't use toy-lingo unless I have to) are in everyones best interest except maybe me!

Me: We are lead? D I have been working on this project for over a month and not once have you ever mentioned that we are lead, nor have we acted as though we are lead.

By now one of my co-workers can hear some of the adjutation in my voice and says

Co-worker: D she's right we aren't lead because they are re-vamping a "hansei" they started years ago but never finished, but because of multiple "pokayokes" over the last few months Fran has been brought in on a "Genchi Genbutsu" effort to once and for all "kaizan" this activity.

D: O ok well, I will process those approvals for you this afternoon.

Me: Thanks D

Now that's how you throw around the Toy-lingo.

I learned about some new traditions well actually they are old traditions that I had never heard of until moving to this area.

Most of us know Halloween to be the time of year children dress up as their favorite character or monster and go door to door yelling "Trick or Treat" for candy. At least this is what I did as a child.

Here in Da Natti and Tucky, Halloween is a 3 day event; it begins with what is called

Soap day!

That's when all the little hooligans in your neighborhood go around drawing on houses and vehicles with bars of soap. I imagine the people in their homes watching the children through the window

"O look honey the raga-muffins from down the street are vandalizing our car, aren't they cute!"

I have decided to wait on my balcony with a paint ball gun the first night of Halloween; I want to make sure that any child that comes with in 5 feet of my car with a bar of soap feels the spirit of Halloween for all 3 days. (The paint balls are orange and black too!)

On night 2 of Halloween the children come to your door and ask for money, this day is called Penny Day!

I have decided to use Penny day as ransom for any Soap Day Hooligans I may miss with my paintball gun.

"100 Penny's for the kid in the Casper costume"

On night 3 of Halloween, is the night we are all use to that's when the children go around and beg for candy.

This year I will be handing out suckers and bills addressed to their parents itemizing all the crap I had to buy and pennies I had to go through for their kids entertainment, with a note at the bottom that says if not paid by Thanksgiving I will show up at your door at Christmas demanding figgy pudding and I won't go until I get some, or the cash equvialent!!!

What does figgy pudding go for these days? What the hell is figgy pudding?

I had a conversation yesterday that has left me distraught, enraged even. I have never really considered myself a patriot, in fact I think I have even said "I am not a patriot". But yesterday I was wearing this shirt it's blue with white strips and has 3 red stars embroidered over my heart. It's not an attractive shirt nor is it my style, but laundry was put off by my busy schedule and money was a little short so I couldn't buy a new shirt so that shirt became my standby.

I don't know maybe it was the shirt but I was pretty appalled when I heard this statement from a fellow co-worker.

"Oh I don't shop at Wal-Mart anymore!"

WHAAAA??? Need less to say my jaw dropped.

Wal-Mart is as American as it gets (It's replaced apple pie) Wal-Mart is the world, more children know the Wal-Mart rollback smiley face then Joe Camel. All the things politicians and the media keep telling us about what America is about, to insight our since of patriotism well Wal-Mart is the embodiment of what America was really founded on, it's not just words, like some Plato's Republic it's the real deal!

All of a sudden I am hearing all this Wal-Mart bashing coming from once loyal customers all

because they sell cheap toys from China that contain poisons that are bad for our children.

Let me tell you something, China has different export policies, and more lacks quality assurance. We should be applauding WM for purchasing children's toys and other products from a rapidly developing once 3^rd world country that has to yet upgrade their enviro-bio and health QA polices so that when the first US citizen became ill or dies, from the toxic toys and etc… WW made sure there was someone to blame, and not just someone, someone NOT American! On the list of countries all true American Patriots should hate China ranks 5^th (see below). So I say bravo WM!

It pains me to say but, I kind of think China has the right idea. Reports say that if a child holds and plays with one of the recalled toys for more then an hour they may begin to show symptoms of lead poisoning. Chinese authorities may have viewed the defective toys as an effective means population control in their country. We all know about the over population problems China has faced in the past which lead to reproductive laws, and several other measures to slow growth. China may have wanted to sell defective toys to "Weed Out" some of the less desirable DNA in their population.

Think about it if little Abu can't get the square block into the square hole in less then one hour…….

All I am saying is I am Proud to be a Wally Worlder about as Proud as I have been to be an American since I learned there were no WMDs.

We stood by Wal-Mart when they tried to ban life partner health insurance . "The hell with Blaspheming gays and singles living in sin, we want cheaper toilet paper"

We stood by Wal-Mart when they were indicted with Monopoly charges and creating an unfair advantage for competitors and in-turn Wal-Mart stood up for us and said "Damnit this is America, land of free enterprise capitalism and we would be happy to give those people previously employed at a local family owned businesses that were bankrupted by us a job in any one of our locations as a Greeter, stock person, or Cashier specialist."

We stood by Wal-Mart when they excised there God given right as an American built company to exploit 3^rd world labor. "If we pay them more their economies will grow then who would make our products?"

We Stood by them when they picked up the Kathy Lee Gifford clothing line after the world learned the cloths were made by children in sweat shops (more please) when other department stores said they would have nothing to do with clothing made by the sweat of starving, sick, and poor children, who was there for you? You got you the low priced business casual wear for women you deserve? …..Wal-Mart that's who!

Are you going to turn your back on this Global Conglomerate that is the embodiment of all that is AMERICA? WM is Capitalism at it's finest, WM is Global,

WM is more AMERICAN then George W. Bush!!!

Countries to hate if you are American in order of most loathed to least loathed

Iraq

Iran

Korea (you know which one)

Cuba

China

(disclaimer: the information in this blog has not been validated, researched for accuracy, and is not fact except that WM has replaced apple pie I'm pretty sure that's true)

What's this Kobe beef I keep hearing about, and when are they going to start selling it at Burger King? A fews years back Angus beef was all the rage. When I first heard about Kobe beef I thought for sure it was just the stuff they use to feed us before we started eating Angus beef, you know the ole switch a roo!

So I did some research, and it turns out Kobe Beef is from Japan, finding this out felt a bit falling on the bar of my bicycle (yes hit hurts for girls too) I mean the Japanese have cornered the market on electronics, automobiles, and now beef.

This is America! I mean that was like our thing Beef and firearms!

Is it not enough that their women have the metabolisms of a million hamsters running on wheels at all times, and that they pray on our weakest links when they move their business here Toyota, Panasonic, Suzuki all have plants/offices in the following locations (locations listed in highest average state IQ to lowest, all IQs lower then average), Michigan, Alabama, Mississippi, Indiana, and Tucky.

Here's what I really want to know……Why can't we make Kobe Beef here!? !

I mean it's Cows, there's not special ingredient, it's an ANIMAL!!!! What are they killing them with a samurai sword instead of the ole hammer to the head? Are their cows dying with honor?

I gotta tell you I have had the honorable cow meat, and Woojiiwakasoki!!!!!

yes folks that was the equivalent of a reminiscent cyber food-gasum.

What are they doing that makes the cow so succulent?

I'm going to leave you with some ideas I think might be behind this chart topping beef.

* Panda poo

* Bambo Beatings (I mean tenderizing)

* Bovine Geisha

* Cows that lived through mad cow disease and became sane again, taste good.

* Americans are selling Japanese Angus beef they are repackaging it with Kobe boxes and post dated expire dates aka Kobe beef is really spoiled Angus beef and American taste buds are deadened by smog, crack, and McDonalds.