I often have these ideas - more often when I'm at home by myself thinking of ways to entertain myself (hey, this is how the whole Joe Blogs thing started).  Sometimes I don't follow through with them or don't get around to putting them into action right away (like the couple I'm currently sitting on) but then there's times like these......

So this is what I got up to one day between Christmas and New Years recently while Simone was at work.  The rest needs no explanation. OR possibly it does but I'll let you come up with one.

The New Single




The new single, "The New Single", released to co-incide with Simone's birthday, is in stores now! Ask everywhere! Ask your friends. They'll be stupid if they don't know what you're talking about.
You don't deserve them as friends anyway! You don't need friends once you have experienced THE NEW SINGLE!

THE WAKE UP

First of all, let me start by saying, "FUCK!"

In an ironic twist to this tale of drinking, I got extremely off my guts last Saturday night, disappeared at 4am, waking up sitting on a bench on the side of Pulteney Street at 8am, realising I've lost my phone (or it was stolen from me as I sat passed out?) and along with it 6 months worth of Drink Count records. All that effort recording it all gone because this year, in 2009, I'm not counting anymore, which apparently means I get blind drunk and make dumb decisions resulting in lost propety, more bruises, cuts and scratches of unknown origin, and a very near possibility of having myself mugged, abused, beaten and seriously hurt.

In dealing with this recent stupid behaviour, I am again on a little red wagon of sobriety and responsibility, to be more responsible for myself and those around me, and more specifically, the one closest to me, Simone, who has worried herself sick on more than one occasion when I haven't arrived home, haven't made contact, and even a few times when I have said and done some pretty harsh words and actions against her. For all of these things I say sorry, both to her and others, and to myself.



THE COUNT

Going back 2 years..... in 2007 I decided to play a little counting game. The result that year was 1135 - not standard drinks, just drinks. One shot of Bacardi 151 = 1 drink, a schooner of beer, a pint of beer, a Long Island Ice Tea, all 1 drink each, you get the idea. In that year, I drank about 3.11 drinks a day, which doesn't seem like that much at first but when you consider that I'm generally a weekend only drinker who takes quite a "few weeks off", it starts looking bad for the health.

In 2008 the goal was different - not to "see how much I can drink", but to "see if I can responsibly drink a lot less" - more specifically, under 500.  Seemed kinda doable at first but as I started the year in a fairly big way (close to 100 just in January) the challenge looked possible, but not probable.

I guess I'll never know for sure now just how I went - referring back to my first paragraph of 6 months worth of records lost in a drunken stuper of time I will never get back, like so many times before. It was only a few weeks ago I started moving the records from my trusty record keeping phone into a spreadsheet.  With the phone now long long gone, so is the drink count July to December and the closure of a two-year-long campaign (not to mention all the 10 years worth of phone numbers, information, song recordings, etc I had stored on there).

It is with this fact that I can only speculate where I ended up at the conclusion of 2008. So with all this in mind, I present to you the numbers that were (and the numbers that could have been). Would I have drunk under 500? I don't think so but I guess I'll never know just how close I came to proving something to myself, and to making something better of my health.





Saving a bit of time here.... rather than give you the count of every different drink I had between January and June, I've put together a small handful of drinks to compare.  Going from the bottom up you see that I have again opted to drop a few Pale Ales in favour for alternatives. I can say that Pure Blonde would have been the most drank beer for the entire year. Although the bar graph shows I drank more Beez Neez, this is only due to the fact that I drank more of these in the first few months of the year when in reality I probably drank over double the amount of Pure Blondes than Beez Neez by a long, long way.  Vodka has again rated quite highly although as above, in the later part of the year I dropped a few spirit drinks for beers, in particular Pure Blondes. And am I a wine man..... definitely not.





In 2007 spirits was the big winner, taking out 42% of the tally with 467 drinks out of 1135, beer at a lower 30%. In the graph above for the first half of 2008, spirits took a dive to 33% while beer jumped ahead to 41%. Mind you, overall the numbers are much lower.... but low enough?

In order to crack the lower-than-500 mark, I'm going to have to have drunk on average 41 drinks a month. With an average of about 100 a month last year, is this even imaginable?!





So did I nail my goal of under 500? As I said before, I guess I'll never know with July to December results lost forever. The green bars above are the actualy results for the first half of the year while the red the estimated numbers. I'm able to estimate in this way by going through my photos directory and working out all the nights I drank and whether they were big nights or not, putting this together with the averages from the early part of the year and the month-by-month trends from last year. Presto!

January - Clearly had no memory here of even setting myself the challenge, racking up close to 100 in the first month!
February - Hello?! You say I have to drink on average 41 drinks a month? Shit, better ease up!
March - February and March are generally pretty busy times of year with the Fringe and various other festivals and events happening around town.
April - Again, out of control! I think by this point you can safely say I'm heading for disappointment in my goal.
May - No change, looney!
June - Hello! What have we here? Ruby! Simone and I become proud parents of a pup and the urge to stay in with her is too great! Not to mention there is that whole parental responsibility thing.
July - No, wait, spoke to soon! Me? Drink responsibly?
August - This is where it starts getting interesting. No drinks?! After a big night in July I quit drinking for a while in preparation for and following sinus surgery I had at the beginning of August. Didn't start drikning again until a night in September.
September - Looks like I might be in with a chance?
October - Hmmm, maybe not. Our annual Oktoberfest doesn't help things much either.
November - Second biggest month of the year after January's tally looks to be the final nail in my Drink Count coffin.
December - Suprisingly not as big as Novemeber seeing as though we enter the "silly season". Even my New Years count wouldn't have been as high as the previous year.

Although I had a couple of high counts in the end of the year, one thing I did find is that after my surgery I wasn't drinking as much each time I went out. I couldn't. I got drunk quicker and and felt more sick afterwards if I tried to reach last years efforts. Was it all just "going to my head"?



THE VERDICT

Actual results for January - June : 359.5

Estimated results for 2008 : 643.5

Looks like a fail for the 500 goal but as far as I'm concerned, it's still a win compared to the previous year. But have I learnt anything? Yes, I can choose whether I drink or not, it's just I normally choose to drink. And I have a problem.



I'll leave you on that note and with a random collection of photos from last year, highlighting my drinking tendencies. Did I have a good time? You bet I did. Do I regret any of it? Sure, but 2008 only happens once in your life. Will I change my ways? I'll let you know.

No explanation required.....



Spoz

Functional Endoscopic Sinus Surgery

Wukkawukkapedia says 'FESS is a surgical proceedure for some diseases of the nose and paranasal sinuses. It is a relatively recent surgical procedure that uses the help of nasal endoscopes and has now become the main-stay in the surgical treatment of sinusitis and nasal polyposis.'

These latest lot of CT's taken back in May show, if I had a film scanner and if you could actually see it properly, the sinus disease effecting the frontal, ethmoidal and maxillary sinuses (above eyes and behind cheeks).




THURSDAY JULY 31

It's taken 5 years or more for me to finally take some action for this sinus problem. I'd never had surgery to this extent before so leading up to the day I was becoming a little nervous.

I waited about 6 hours in the waiting area with my awesome 'stockings' looking like this for an operation that lasted 2 and a half hours.



After taking out a little of my septum to get better access to the frontal sinuses, then taking out the walls of the ethmoid sinuses and a few other 'clean ups', 2mm holes are drilled into my skull through incisions in my eyebrows, where 20mm long cannulas are inserted directly into the frontal sinuses so that they can be flushed a number of times during my stay as well as having a steroid cream injected directly into the area.



In my room post-op, where Simone was awaiting my arrival from sugery, looking a perfect bill of health.




FRIDAY 1 AUGUST



My Simone kept me company, even if she was sleeping at the time.



Watching Dr Phil or something equally ultra-exciting.



After the operation, the nurse injected a saline-type solution into my frontal sinuses via the cannulas to help flush out clots ond goop via my nose to keep the area clean.  This was the forth and last time.  If only I had a bit of footage of the first time - chunky blood everywhere!



Then it was time to remove the $1000-a-piece cannulas, out through the bone, muscle and skin. The first wasn't too bad but the second required more force, wrenching and discomfort.



Angry Japanese cartoon eyebrows are added to my face.




SUNDAY 3 AUGUST

For the first month post-op I had to flush my sinuses and nasal passages 3-4 times a day using a nasal douche of warm saline solution to keep the sinuses and passageways clean and free of germs and infection. This eventually cut down to twice a day and then to once a day, which I have only just finished now.



I actually got used to doing this quite quickly - it's not as bad as it looks or sounds - and in some ways, became addicted to it because of how clean and clear it made my nose and head feel.




SATURDAY 10 AUGUST

After a few days of mostly clear flushing, finally the gates of hell open up and out come the demons and blood. A tasty, tasty treat for all!




Now for your viewing pleasure, here is short video of fun.

FESS

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. It's been a long, long time since I was up to date here. I have been missing in action for a while. Truth is, at this stage I don't have the time to keep this up on a regular basis. Some might wonder how I ever had time.

Now might be the time to make achange. No more monthly catchups because I don't have the time for anything else and no more complete log of all things going on. If I don't have the time, I don't have the time to publish it. The end.

Life changes all the time. At the moment, this is not priority, although I do respect you for having travelled some of these adventures with me, and I am happy that I have made some really good friends via this blog space - friends who themselves have found their face in a blog from time to time, and some even who will find themselves in this very blog. But with different priorities and responsibilities in my life now, this blog has suffered.

Find here some random photos of what's been happening since June and a few videos in between. Some of you may have seen these before and some wont have. After this post you might find me return to the day-long-blog of yesteryear...... time will tell.

RoxyFlies!


JUNE












Round1


YouSpin Me Right 'Round, Baby






JULY



DinnerTime







BadBoy Bubby's Bogan Birthday Bonanza


Round2




Oh,Hai!


Round3



AUGUST









SEPTEMBER





GirlsJust Wanna Have Fun








OCTOBER










ThisCity - We Built It.








TheWall



NOVEMBER










I just ate some Subway cookies. They tasted like petrol.


Stay tuned, I'm not dead yet.

Joe Blogs is born into 2008


It's Summer.


Things are beautiful.


Everything is a little bit different,


yet, in some ways, they are just the same.



This story begins in a bar


where a man with a chair for an arm, who for the sake of the story we will call Cody, finds himself becoming drunk.  Again.


It lights a fire in his pants.


Cody claims to have an unmatched ability to pull all the hot chicks


Unfortunately for him, one of the ladies would rather nuzzle up besides another man, whom we will call Joe.


It's also unfortunate that some of the ladies in this story (for example, this lady with the beard) would rather get it on with a burger - no pun intended.


Luckily for Cody, ladies like Tania find him adorable.


So now everyone can party


So what if Joe likes to party without his pants sometimes?


Although the girls are won, the battle of the men is not over.
In a challenge of manhod, a drinking contest begins and ends with Joe drinking 6 beers in one go.


Not satisfied, Cody challenges the men in a hog-tie competition.


Cody, being the only man of the group to successfully wrestle a pig before, makes the others just look silly.


And to the victor goes the spoils


The losers have several of their apendages removed by tongs.


Their bodies dumped where no one will find them.


The people cheers and celebrate the winner in a bar across town


which is unfortunately attended by a couple of cock suckers.


They'll tell the girls all sorts of stories about themselves


But the truth is unmistakeable.


As for me, well, you know what they say about guys with big hands.....



To be continued......

THE RESULTS

After much delay, the results for last year's drink count are in.  It was a battle to keep the records as accurate as possible, living by a strict method of recording each drink into my mobile phone as I went, transferring the results to a spreadsheet later on.  How does one keep track of drinks when so pissed that you don't remember some of the drinks the day after? It's actually easy. Habit. Persistence. The rest takes care of itself.

1135 - $3104.70

A point to note here before we get too far into the numbers - a drink in this count is not a standard drink.  It's more like a 'serve' so 1 schooner is a drink, 1 pint is a drink, 1 Long Island Ice Tea is a drink, etc, I think you get the point.  Consider that when you glance over these results and  also while you consider the recommended standard drink intake for a person in a night. Consider binge drinking, consider alcoholism, but more importantly, consider not making this a competition and certainly, above all, consider your health.


THE BEER


The big winners of beer are indicated by 93 (Coopers Pale Ale) and 41 (Corona - a suprising second).   South Australian icon, Coopers Pale is really no suprise winner in the count, and not suprising that it cost the most.  Corona on the other hand I never would have picked and is only up so high because of all the free ones I drank at work - I don't think I would have had more than 2 away from the workplace.  Other mentions go to Coopers Lager (23), Tooheys Extra Dry and Becks (19 each), Grolsh (16) and my own effort Hosenbrau (15), which helped run me into the ground at our inaugural Oktoberfest party.


THE SPIRIT


Clearly looking like the leader in the most tallied and most expensive of the drink types, spirits drove my health crazy in 2007.  Sure, the 4am drunken Jungry Hacks didn't help much either, but I'm pretty sure that without all the vodka I drank last year (with raspberry-76, with lime and soda-75, with orange juice-74, and lemonade-45, to name a few combinations) my liver, kidneys, and digestive system might not feel so shot now.  The fact that drinking only a handful of vodka drinks these days puts my insides into a poisoned, sickening shock for days is indeed quite worrying.  The other stand outs of spirits are gin (55 collectively) and suprisingly, bourbons, whiskeys, scotch, etc (not generally a big brown spirits drinker, those ones snuck up all sneaky-like). I think I have my brown-spirit drinking friends to thank for those.


THE PREMIX


Not much to tell here - 51 Stoli' Black Russians (most free from work), 32 Smirnoff Black Ice (a good way to really kick an evening to overdrive), a handful of Cruisers (thanks again work), a few UDL's and a couple of cups of punch (Simone's Oktoberfest Punch!).  With 107 drinks only equalling $249, that's not much more than $2 a drink - bargain!


THE SHOTS


Ah, the shot - it could take you one way into a good night or it could take you in completely the opposite direction, a really good night.  For some, it's the devil, the thing that you'll regret, the thing that'll fuck you over, but for me, it's the challenge, the explosion, the not knowing what it's going to taste like until it's too late.  Unfortunately, it's also an expensive exercise costing me $428, thanks largely to tequila (22 @ $112), followed not far behind by the Cowboy Cocksucker (13 - thankfully all free from Bar 76!) and the Jager Bomb (10).  Being one to try many a different drink, as with beer and any other type of drink, many shots scored 1, 2, and 3 but all add up to the 124 total.


THE WINE


I think it's fairly obvious here I'm not much of a wine drinker (at least in 2007 - 2008 has so far seen me drink more wine due to the illness caused by drinking spirits - a real side effect of 2007's effort).  Here in 2007, white wine gets the most hits, followed by the sparkling white, red, and funnily enough (or not) Passion Pop in it's own little group at 4.


THE COCKTAIL


Interesting to note that the biggest hit cocktail at 15 (Margarita) was completely free - thanks again work and Social Club for putting on a successful Mexican-themed night - also a night I recall being pretty messy when followed by numerous beers, shots, and spirits, which eventually had me passing out in a stairwell. Second and third goes to Sparkling Pear and the Long Island Ice Tea.



THE TOTALS


For those playing at home, 1135 drinks over 365 days is 3.2 drinks per day, every day.  Some will argue that they would drink more than this (I wish them all the luck with their health) but where it means more in my count is that I don't drink every day.  Hell, I don't even drink every weekend, which means this: when I do drink, I drink a lot and definitely too much.  As seen above, some months are a lot bigger than others.  In January and February, for example, I didn't drink at all for 34 days.  April also scored fairly low meaning I must have made some pretty good ground on the heavier months.

Lets say I drank two out of three weekends in the year - that's about  34 drinks a weekend on average.   That's a lot of drinking in a weekend, especially where some weekend drinking sessions are done in one night with 25-30 drinks.  Here's a good time to re-establish that 1 drink here is not necessarily a standard drink.  That's a really sobering thought.

The best thing, I think, about these totals is the cost.  OK, on the downside, I spent  $3104 on alcohol, but on the upside, it could have been a lot, lot more, when you consider a large number of drinks were free.   This total cost could have easily climbed into the 6k figures so lets be thankful for that.  And I am thankful - thankful to those who shouted the drinks, and those who supply their employees with an amazing amount of drinks - I wonder if they've ever given it this much thought.



THE TRENDS


.....A fairly telling story of my preferred drink type - spirits followed by beer.  The thing about this chart though is that it doesn't really show how the trends changed throughout the year.  Which leads me to the next two graphs.




Spirits hit pretty high the whole way through 2007 only passed by beer a few times, not suprisingly, in the Summer months.  Ah yes, the Summer - the outdoors, the sun, the weather,  the beer.  It's the warm weather that does it.

In the Winter, spirits have kept me the warmest.  Beer just doesn't seem as inviting when it's not sunny and above 25 degrees.  Also to note is the rise of the premix drinks (Black Russians and Black Ice) in Winter.

Finally, it's no suprise that the later half of the year boasts some of the highest points in the graph above.  Where would we be without the festive season!


 
I've thrown in the above costings graph to highlight the change in expenditure over the year.  I suspect a few factors lead to these.  For example, in March I flew to Melbourne to see Helmet and had one of the most expensive drinking nights of the year (Hi Cam!).  As the year progressed, so too did the hole in my wallet.  In September, something quite important happened, which most definitely played a huge part in buying drinks - Cody moved to Adelaide.



IN CLOSING

When I got to July last year and tallied the results at 434, I felt inspired to crack the 1000.  In the end it wasn't that hard at all.  In fact, there were a few times later in the year where I took a few short breaks from drinking.  I even stopped at 999 for a week or so just to make the 1000th drink all that more exciting.  It wasn't really.  In the end it was just another notch in the drinking stick.

So what did I learn here?  Well, as stated earlier, I drink too much.  Or at least, I did.  We're now over half way through 2008 (yes, it's worrying how behind I actually am with this blogging now) and I'm fairly confident I haven't drank anywhere near the number I did this same time last year.  I hear you ask, "are you counting this year?"  Yes, I am, because what would be the point of counting last year if I didn't measure it up to anything.  Having now seen how much can be drunk in a year and how much alcohol that equates to each day, and thinking about what kind of effects that type of poisoning has on the system, I need to challenge myself to bring that number way down.  Can I drink under half of what I did last year?  Let's wait and see.

And remember, this isn't a game.  It's not a competition.  This is my body and my health.  Take care of yours.

SATURDAY 1




After grabbing dinner at Henley Square, Cody, Tania, Simone and I head for town but not without stopping in a park on the way and teaching Tania the ways of drinking goon in a park.  But wait, even goon is too good for us...... instead we get on the Passion Pop from a brown paper bag.


I reckon if you're going to do it though, you've got to do it properly - passed out on park bench!


Chase the Passion Pop with live ranga cat....


....and BINGO! Everyone's happy!


After a few beverages in a bar or two and a brief stop at Maxx for some karaoke (Cody and I nailed the Beatles' All You Need Is Love - not a dry eye in the house!), we eventually find ourselves back at Jive where we've been almost regularly getting our dancing shoes on, like a lot of similarly drunk folk.






SATURDAY 8

Texas sleeps.







MONDAY 10






SATURDAY 15

Leading up to the 1000 drink mark (for 2007) I laid off the drinking for a week or two so that I could hit it on this night, which would probably be a big night.

5:33pm
Drink 1000 for 2007 is achieved, drank through a few metres of small irrigation hose.


After a stop in at the Crown & Sceptre for a drink with birthday girl, Angry Erin, Simone and I head to Bar 76 (the most talked about, yet mysteriously located bar in town) for Chris' Birthday "Wear Something On Your Head" Party.




A good time was being had by all.






This is where things start getting messy. I do not recommend drinking half a bottle of gin through a drinking hat. Just look at those eyes!


Ok, so there are some good symptoms of drinking in this manner.....


...but from there, I don't know what happened. That was a bad night. I lost my way somewhere along the line. The gin (and every thing else consumed that night) contributed to me becoming frustrated, emotional, upset and then angry. Not one of my most memorable moments.




SUNDAY 16

The next day I cheered myself up by helping Simone put Curious George's firman outfit on Texas. He just loved it. Really, really loved it. Cant you tell?!





1:59pm
After lunch I read a story to Curious George (all three of them).



To be continued......

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