Wow, almost a year since my last post, new rant coming right up.

http://kotaku.com/5274317/microsoft-makes-you-the-motion-controller-with-project-natal

Check that out.

Ok, read it yet? Good.

Yay! Another gimmick. After seeing the conference live on gamespot, I was mildly annoyed by this. It looks barely functional at the moment, with the glitchy avatar movements. It would seem it works almost exactly like the PS2's EyeToy, except you control something on the screen as opposed to the video of your image.
Secondly, I can't imagine there are that many people with living rooms big enough for something like this. I barely have enough room to play my Wii in the living room, I doubt I'll manage to not break something in my living room using something like this. Not that I'd buy it anyway.
I really hope this fails miserably due to the core fanbase of the Xbox360 just leave me with my 2 analogue sticks and I'll be fine, you're overcomplicating things Microsoft.

Oh and, Fuck you Peter Molyneaux.

Spoilers included etc.

So I finally got around to playing and finishing Assassin's Creed. I was surprised with how good it actually was. The controls were basic but functional making it easy to work with throughout the game bar a few instances through the game when you get stuck when you're climbing up a building and can't seem to go up or down then you miraculously go up when you push the left stick right or left slightly. Graphically the game looks very good, but I rarely rate a game on graphical prowess despite how pretty this game actually is in places. The game has zero learning curve though and can get quite samey towards the end, and that can be seen by some of the achievements throughout the game, such as 50 combo kills, 75 throwing knife kills, 200 throwing knives pickpocketed. Not to mention the flags 100 of which being worth 25 gamerpoints, whereas finishing the game will get you 100 and that takes a whole lot less time.

And now onto the main event, the ending. now I know the guys at ubisoft are trying to build a franchise, but it just stops, you beat the last boss see a few cryptic messages and then that's it, credits roll and you can head back into times past after but other than that it's just setup for the next game. There isn't even a cliff hanger to speak of it just finishes, which made me a bit pissed off, granted I want to know what happens, but I won't want to shell out £40-£50 for the next installment unless it really is going to be a marked improvement.

All in all Assassin's Creed is a good game marred by a poor ending and a few glitches, I'd reccomend it if you like the genre but don't expect too much from it. If you're not a fan of the genre or don't usually play this type of game then I wouldn't reccomend it.

first and foremost, this looks really fucking good, and if they fuck it up I'm going to be really annoyed, that said kudos on casting Mark Wahlberg as Max Payne.



Secondly, I just saw a TV spot for this film;



You can't call a film Donkey Punch regardless of how shit it will in fact be, the only thing that will make this worth watching is if a donkey punch actually takes place, purely for the hilarity.

For those that don't know, you can find a definition for the donkey punch here.

I hope this is going to be a return to normal service. But, who knows.

I picked up Super Smash Bros. Brawl last week and I feel like I've taken enough time off Halo 3 and played it enough to give my two cents on it. First and foremost, the control systems. Firstly, a bit of Wiimote was in order on it's own it works well enough as a basic controller, although, pressing up to jump is something that the modern gamer probably won't be used to. If you really want to you can apply the Nunchuk if you fancy some flicks with the Wiimote, you'll need to adjust the controls though but it pretty much works in a similar fashion. After all it's a beat 'em up what differences can you really make to different control methods and if you really, really, really want to be an arse about it, I reccomend a Gamecube or Wii Standard controller, they work like a controller should on a beat 'em up and you can even use another button for jumping.

Now to the importan part, the actual game itself. as much as I love a bit of Nintendo characters brutalizing eachother, it does get a bit samey after a while. Enter the story mode, "The Subspace Emissery". I've been enjoying this as it presents something that I grew up with; a sidescrolling beat 'em up. This addition is a must for anyone that loved Double Dragon, Streets of Rage, Golden Axe etc.

As a multiplayer game, this is a good addition to the Wii party players collections, providing you're sorted with four controllers you'll really enjoy this with friends. You can even make a drinking game of it, if you're into that.

All in all this is a good game and a defintate want for anyone who owns a Wii, that's right i recommend it.

No I'm not reviewing online play on this, why? because I can't be arsed to wait around for a match that will just be laggy and boring because Nintendo can't be arsed to sort out their online shit. Come on Nintendo, sort it out some of us can't be arsed to buy an Xbox 360 for some online gaming.

Ah another week, another 4 or so games bought, I really need to find something else to dispose my income on. Next time see what I've been bothered to finish playing, it could be any one of these; Assasin's Creed, Bioshock, something from Orange Box, or I could complain about how much of a pisstake Guitar Hero is, We'll see.

I probably should have done this one first as it’s where it all started really.



System 3’s Flimbo’s Quest released in 1990 and developed in Holland by Laurens van der Donk, this was the first game I ever played when my C64 arrived at christmas of 1991 and I loved it, well more so than Fiendish Freddy’s Big Top o’ Fun, International Soccer and Klax.
The first click of the switch and you get a brief loading screen (Thank you cartridge) followed by some pretty good music for the system, although most games of the era had fairly similar sounding music. The gameplay revolves around collecting scrolls for the wizard Dazz Bazian in order to save Flimbo’s girlfriend Pearly from the mad scientist Fransz Dandruff. The scrolls can be found by shooting certain enemies ranging from snails to badgers to antelopes to various flying enemies (You know the usual birds, bees, anything that flies.) these vary from level to level but are mostly similar in movement. Super scrolls can also be collected in the levels which helps to complete the level quicker. It is also possible to buy scrolls from Dazz Bazian although this is much more time consuming and given the time limits on the levels isn’t always the best option. Graphically, this didn’t really push the envelope for it’s time although it isn’t completely hideous.


All in all this was a good game for me to begin with, I could have started on something truely horrible and ruined my relationship with gaming but this was fun and simple, which there really isn’t enough anymore, maybe more developers should take a look back at what they did right before they try to make a new version of a classic (I’m looking at you Sonic Team).
Anyway woohoo second installment done hope you enjoyed it and look forward to a 16 bit edition when you next read this.

Just trying something different, might make this into a little mini series, probably post it around t'internet.



The year is 1993, the 16-bit era is well on it's way and the 8-bit Commodore 64 is well on it's way out and it needs a swansong. Queue stage right Mayhem in Monsterland, a 2D sidescrolling platform game in which you play the role of Mayhem the Dinosaur, a yellow triceratops. It was made by the guys at Apex Computer Productions who were behind the Creatures series for the Commodore 64 and would best be compared to Sonic or Mario, unfortunatly it was a bit too late for the Commodore 64 to get a mascot. The gameplay revolves around the two types of worlds, the sad world and the happy world, in the sad world which is grey and dull with slow music, Mayhem is forced to collect bags of magic dust in order to restore the world to it's former happiness once this is done there's a small cutscene in which Mayhem presents the magic dust to the apprentice wizard that is responsible for the sad worlds so he can restore the hapiness, this cutscene was something that I remember very well purely because of the weirdest noise Mayhem makes when he presents the dust.


After this, the happy world revolves around collecting a certain amount of stars in a much brighter, more vivid and louder version of the same world.
Given the console this game was on it was certainly one of the best for it, and it's probably one of the most important games in my history of gaming, seeing as it was one of the first I really played properly, even at age 6 I was enthralled by this game, when all that really held my attention at that time was the TV. Despite all my friends playing their Sonics and their Marios, which are still important to me, this game is still way up their on my all time classics list.
You should definatly take some time to check it out, whether it be via emulator or getting an original copy, if all else fails and you have a PSP, check this out; Mayhem in Monsterland for the PSP

I love the Internet.

I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. But, I'm gonna post up some links and a video for you all.



Anonymous releases statement outlining war on Scientology
Scientology Vs. The Internet.

N.B. The second video on that second link is quite graphic, not for those of a nervous disposition.

As you may all well know, I'm more of a gamer than a rollerblader these days and I read into a lot of things on various websites, mostly Kotaku.com, I love those guys. But for the past few days there have been some articles relating to ill educated "journalists" attacking the game Mass Effect for it's supposed sexual content. now having not actually played the game I'm not going to go into any specifics but, I have seen the scene in question, and to quote Kotaku's Luke Plunkett, "No sack, crack, lady nipples or dangly bits = totally kosher" There is absoloutly no problem with the scene in question, it's just the age old perception that video games are bad, and only children play them, I mean why would any self respecting adult waste his time on video games? Maybe they were just bored of the films and TV programmes that show the same thing on a daily basis.

Now I know I'm probably not the best person to be taking the moral high ground on sexual content in media but the simple idiocy of the articles in question annoyed me, you could at least see the scene before you judge it to be too much for children, and besides the game's rated a 12 by the BBFC probably for the sexual content alone, so the blame for any "child" seeing the sexual content is entirely down to the idiot parents.

Oh yeah, I'll give you a link to the scene and the articles on Kotku too:



Cybercast Warns Parents Away From Sexy Mass Effect.
Conservative Site Thinks Mass Effect's Got Porn in it.
More Mass Effect Political Dickery
Mass Effect Political Dickery Corrected

I've been broadening my horrizons lately, that's right, I've been on Facebook, and the one thing I've noticed is how petty people are, take these two groups for example;
"No I don't want a free London Lite/London paper. Fuck off."
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4741697228&ref=nf
And,
"I Dont care How Comfortable Crocs Are, You Look Like A Dumbass."
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204667614
"NO I DONT WANT TO 'FRESHEN UP' I JUST WANT TO HAVE A PISS!!!"
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2250427107

Now, I don't know about you, but to me these are all really petty things to be bitching about, esspecially to be making a group on a webstie about, granted some of the titles did make me snigger a little but, if you can't deal with these things or situations then you must be pretty socially retarded after all there's no need to tell someone trying to make a living out of giving people free papers to fuck off, and the freshen up guys in toilets are pretty fucking annoying but I find if you're generally ignorant of them they leave you alone, after all it's not like these things are going to greatly effect your life.

Only a short rant today, I've been a busy bee after all, quite suprised i'm nearly up to 2000 blog views, now come on people read more it's good for your brain.

Right, I have no TV at the moment so I just have to vent a little.

 

Firstly, without my TV I can't play my PS2 or my Wii, so I'm resorting to my DS at the moment which has been rinsed a little bit, seeing as I only have 4 games for it anyway due to lack of funds. ALSO, by the time my TV is actually fixed it'll be the start of college and I'll have no need for it as I'll just be doing college work all the time.

 

But, perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, what with all the shit on TV at the moment and the cunts on "reality" shows maybe I'll be a bit calmer, and won't make a cunt of myself on my first day of college, probably not though.

 

Seriously though, what is the deal with these "reality" TV shows, there's nothing real about 20 odd people in a luxury house. It's not a house at all, the average British household does not have a jacuzzi and a swimming pool, ok, so the average British household might have a caravan parked in their back garden because there's shitloads of fucking pikeys and idiots with caravans in this country, but half the country doesn't even have an electric cooker so why should they get one whilst we're sat at home cooking on a gas stove. Here's an idea for a "reality" show, lets round up a load of cunts from former "reality" shows let them all run off into some woods and have a pack of wild cats chase the fuckers down, I'm sure it'd be much more interesting to watch.

 

There I'm done, and I actually feel much better now, still pissed off about the TV though, but at least it didn't actually blow up.