Well, after reading Nikki Sixx's "The Heroin Diaries" I started keeping my own diary. I figured it fitting since I'm on the Charlie, too. One thing I've come to realize lately is that you should stick by your guns. I was once an avid anti-shooting cocaine user (meaning I refused to shoot coke--only snort it). Unfortunately after a hefty blast around my birthday, that got added to my list of activities and before long it became the only way I'd do any coke, even crack when there wasn't any powder around. Oddly enough shooting crack is more pleasurable than shooting coke at this point. At least with stones, you always get the same high (in my experience anyway), when you're shooting powder who knows what kind of cut is going on, how potent it is, any of that. It's just a pain in the ass, I fucking hate coke at this point almost altogether thanks to the varying quality people keep these days. I mean for fuck's sake, why is it so hard to go to the same person that makes your customers happy? And all the coke dealers I know are getting a little too full of themselves it's starting to seem. It's not like you're slinging dope, no one NEEDS you or your drugs that bad! They'll just go without or go somewhere else if it's that serious.
It seems like ever since I stopped turning my nose up at shooting coke, the quality and usefulness of it just started rapidly diminishing. I mean if you're going to waste prime arm-real estate, why not do it with something that's gonna give you the same fix, not be cheaper quality. Guess I'm the only one who sees it that way. As for my dope dealer who is always wanting to go get more coke more and more while I'm even enjoying coke at all less and less and just wanting my dose of Charlie, is getting on my nerves seriously with this shit. I mean my god, really. Let's just get all your shit at one time instead of making multiple runs and how about we just start snorting it and only waste time dulling fresh rigs with dope! Frankly my nose gets turned up any time I'm presented with the prospect of cocaine at all unless it's crack we'll be a-shootin'. Otherwise, pass the straw, the cross or the keys cuz that shit ain't goin nowhere but in my nose from now on if it's powder.
Add to that the fact that I'm enjoying somewhat frequent use of crack. That's not a fact I find particularly pleasing given crack is one of the 2 drugs I vowed never to do, the other being the Charlie I need to get through every 12-hour period at this point (and any experience with cocaine of either consistency, I hate coming down from that shit). At this point though, I'm semi-happy with doing Charlie as long as I'm not withdrawing, then I hate it and simultaneously wish I could just find any heroin at all to make that shit stop. Which is saying something especially when you consider how scrambled some of the shit out here is. The fact is, this isn't Baltimore, you're not gonna find good Charlie just anywhere. Sure the crack is everywhere and there's plenty of weed to be found, but just like weed, the quality of the dope is a varying issue and that means you want the same shit every time if not something better. Unfortunately unlike weed, after enough time passes and you don't get some more dope up in ya, here comes the sickness. Physical, real, and painful in slightly different ways for every individual. But one thing's always the same, it's fucking awful and no one wants to go through it.
Anyway time for bed. I've had enough awakeness for one day and I'm trying to resist banging this tiny blast I set aside for a rainy day but my dealer keeps doing shots so I want one now... especially since my shit is wearing off (the Charlie, not the crack, that wore off a while ago).
Auf Wiederhören ,
MW3
NS:
On Oprah yesterday/last night, there was an entire family hooked on heroin that my mom told me to check out. Wow! Amazing how Charlie can snare an entire family in but I guess when life's that hard, the whole family needs some numbing reality-blockers. Just made me wish I was still at the point where I didn't start withdrawing until almost a week after I got high. Or that I still got high at all without a super-huge hit. Sucks when a normal sized blast only helps you stave off dope sickness. Seems like such a gyp not to get to be high from it.