Here we are again - still and always wondering where Sarah is and why she doesn't call Becca.  She has no beef with her so she should call her at home during the day while I'm at work.  Becca misses her terribly too, and so does Matt. 

Some of us have problems moving forward.  I know I have and still am looking backwards.  Maybe some day we all can move forwards, but for now it's difficult.  Seven years?  Yep  :((  Those are real tears I am crying.  Look at her profile picture.  This picture was on the camera she left behind - along with several other pictures.  She left everything behind.  All she took was the clothes on her back.  No backpack, no purse - nothing!  Did she plan on leaving?  Don't know - guess it doesn't matter any more.  The thing that matters now is if she's alright.  That is our main concern.  We all think she's alive and just doing a great job of avoiding us because we believe she's not that far from home - our home - not hers because she has a new home. That's okay now.  None of us would every expect her to make our home her home.  She has made a new place in her life for the past seven years.  I just hope that she's healthy and happy and that her choices have been good for her. 

We will always love her - no matter what.  We all just feel like she should have some consideration for those of us she left behind.  We have mourned for her, prayed for her, been afraid for her.  It would be a great kindness for her to let us know she's alright so she could be taken off the "missing" llist.  Then people would quit looking for her.  Maybe she likes the drama of people looking for her.

This was the first year I didn't put a birthday ad in the paper for her.  Wonder if she noticed that it wasn't there.  Wonder if she ever saw any of the ones that were there year after year.  I hope she did. 

I would like for her to see her poems.  The second one is so depressing that I never finished it.

Just more ramblings from a depressed mom.  :((

Yes, we believe our Sarah ran away.  It's been said it's because of the way I talked to her.  Was I tough on her?  Probably.  Why? I wanted her to be able to know right from wrong - I was trying to guide her in the right direction.  Some of her friends were hanging out with kids that were several years older - the rules are different for a 17+ year old than for a 14 year old.  I was trying to protect her from some of the things that could possibly happen to her hanging out with older kids.  There were parents of others who didn't agree with the way I was raising her.  Was it their job to tell my child that getting her out of the house was like pulling teeth?  NOT AT ALL!  Different families have different rules for their children.  There are some things that some parents allow that we don't allow.  That is NOT the business of another kids parent.  We all have different principals don't we?  That is a normal thing.  I don't tell other parents how to raise their children, and I certainly don't tell other children that their parents aren't raising them right.  (Abuse would be a different situation, but we're not talking about that.)

I went to all the piano recitals, to all the piano contests, to all the piano competitions, to almost all the soccer practices, and to almost all the games.  We got rained on in Rockwall - it was so wet that game and I was so glad when the ref called the game because of the rain and lightening - everybody was soaked!  You should have seen Sarah - not only soaked, but muddy!  Good times!  Times I miss. :( That was in November.  Seems like just  recently but it was more than 7 years ago.

I live in the past.  It's hard to move on without knowing.  There is no evidence she's dead - no evidence she's alive.  I believe she's alive.  I pray she's alive.  I would like to have another chance with her - not to raise her, for that's done, but to love her and to show her I love her - to apologize to her.  To give her gifts - to show her her nephews and neice that she doesn't know.  To let her know what happened to Matt.  To tell her I'm sorry she feels so angry (?) at me, or hurt, or however she describes her feelings.  I love her.  Her dad loves her.  Her sisters and her brothers, nephews, neices, grandma, all love her.  We are all concerned for her well-being.  I could give her Becca's cell number, but not sure it's a good idea on the internet :)  If you know where she is and want a number to call, send me a message or a reply to this blog.  We can work out something so she can contact Becca directly.  I promise I won't interfere with that.  Becca has a MySpace.  Look her up.  there are pics of her kids on here.  Too cute!  She is home during the day, while I am gone.  Call her at home. 

If you know where Sarah is, please tell her to call Becca at home during the day.  Please, I beg you to do this.  I don't think she's mad at her dad - just at me.  We could work this out, you know, if she would just give it  one try.  I promise it would work out.  Put away the past and look toward the future.

I love you, Sarah.  I love you, I love you, I love you!

This is from my friend Misty - (Pray for the Lost).  Please read this and heed what she has to say here.

Attention All Prayer Warriors! Pray for the Lost May 25,2008 @ 12:15 pm eastern,11:15am central,10:15am mountain and 9:15am pacific. God said to me "Get as many of my people to pray at one time for 1000 missing children and adults to come home!"

Dear little children of God;

My name is Misty Detmer and I have a message from God! On February 22,2008, I was on myspace.com checking in on my friend Louis Kinslow who’s daughter Sarah Elizabeth Kinslows of Greenville ,TX has been missing for over 6 years .Regularly I look to see information about other missing stories to pray for their families and I did. After I finished God spoke to me! I thought how awesome it would be if all those people prayed at one time, for 1000 missing people how that would please God and how so many people would see this miracle from Our Lord In Heaven, and how many people might come to the Lord that had no faith anymore and it was awesome feeling all around! Then I realized that wasn’t my idea! I’ve been knowing what these victim’s go through reading about their never ending nightmares and just wanting it to end. You feel so helpless that you cant read to many at once it will consume you! If you believe in God you know he use’s ordinary people and usually it sounds crazy, impossible and a bit unusual! I was told I wasn’t the first person God approached with this but He believes in it so I will be obedient to Him and I pray you will as well! This is the scripture He gave me to confirm the message I’m telling you! Isaiah 60;1-4

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of The Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all that mourn in Israel he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteouness,they will be like great oaks, that The Lord has planted for His own glory .

Also read Isaiah 57,58,59 it’s powerful and awesome!

You need to read these scriptures also to prepare you with your faith in this message! Ephesians 6;10-20 reminds us who we’re dealing with and what to arm yourself with! Ephesians 4;1-8 tells us why it’s important to do this prayer as one, together at the same time! Mathew 18;19-20 If two or more are gathered in His name the promise He made! Can you imagine if 3000 0r 5000 praying individuals praying at the same time Jesus would be all over this! Mathew 17;20-21 Do you have enough faith to even be considered?God knows our hearts and He’s looking for people with His faith!We all need to examine were we are lacking in faith!Mark 11;22-26 Jesus confirms what He can do when we have true faith!You must forgive your enemies,repent so you can be worthy of this mountain being moved!Romans 8;28 God causes everthing to work together for those that love God and are called according to his purpose.If you want to be a true prayer warrior on this project please contact this email address prayforthelost2008@yahoo.com If you belong to a group send me a list of the names of people that want to be apart of this, so I can take it to God and show your commitment! He’s knows who He’s looking for to bless them. A lot of people are concerned with how will we know the results,when,where,who etc….God let me know on March 4,2008 ,you let him worry about that!I just need to give the message He said ,and the scriptures where provided by The Holy Spirit! Everyone knows I read the bible but I don’t claim finding these on my own! This is awesome !To the victims gather yourselves ,families,friends and church family and do your communions with examine your sins first to repent,pray,fast and gather as many prayer warriors to pray for your loved ones on May 25,2008 at 11:15am central and become Victors instead of Victims

What a surprise it was when I discovered I was pregnant with our 5^th child!  I was 35 and my husband was 36.  Nobody has babies at that age. 

But, as I was to later discover, Sarah was quite a blessing.

Sarah Elizabeth Kinslow.  She was born June 14, 1986 in Plano, Tx. early on a Saturday afternoon.

At the age of 6, we discovered she was musically talented, and had shown an interest since a very early age.

Fast forward:

Later we discovered that she had gotten involved with a crowd from Quinlan and lost interest in some of her old friends and in her music.

Her dad dropped her off at school on Tuesday, May 1, 2001, after begging the night before to let her friend from another town pick her up and drop her off at school.  But, I wasn’t buying it, and suspected that she may be trying to skip school, so I wouldn’t let her ride with them.  It was very near the end of the school year and I didn’t want her to miss any days since testing was going on.  Around 8:30 that morning a male voice called and asked for her.  I remember thinking "Why would anybody be calling when they should know that she’s in school this time of day?". The rest of the day proceeded as normal. . . until our oldest daughter, Jill called me at my part-time job at 4:55.  She said a friend of Sarah’s, "Angel" had called and said that Curtis and Amber had been looking for Sarah all day.  I didn’t quite get it.  So, went home, talked to Jill a little more – then the panic hit!  What I understood was that Jill was told that Sarah was supposedly going to meet her boyfriend, Curtis, and friend, Amber at the cemetery a few blocks away from our house, but never showed up and they had spent the day trying to find her.  I called the police.  Curtis and Amber showed up at about the time the police arrived.  The two kids told me that they were supposed to meet Sarah at the cemetery by 8:15, but when she wasn’t there by 8:30, they started looking for her.  They said they drove around the school, then went to houses of some of her other friends who lived in Greenville.  Amber said she never went to school that day, but continued to look for Sarah.  Amber told me she couldn’t imagine who would abduct Sarah.  The thought hadn’t crossed my mind until that very moment.  The worst panic I had ever felt in my life hit me hard and took the wind out of me.  The police searched into the night in many places while we stayed here and waited – and waited.  Nothing.  The police talked to students at her school individually.  Nothing much.  A girl saw her riding in a light blue pickup at around the time school let out that day.  She didn’t look afraid.  The police took a bloodhound to the spot where John had dropped her off that morning.  The dog tracked her scent to a place in the middle of the street two blocks over where there was a "scent pool". An office worker saw her leaving the campus, but didn’t ask her any questions. Days passed – still nothing.  Not much to go on.  We all assumed she had been abducted.  I spent every morning at the police station talking with the Chief of Police trying to figure out who, where, why, etc. 

Then, several days later, her youngest brother, Matt, saw her two blocks north of her school walking toward a house.  She told him to go away.  He came back a couple of minutes later and saw her walking toward a white Chevy pickup with a grocery bag in her hands.  The police were called.  The officer who returned the call a few minutes later called Matt a (expletive) liar.  A detective came to the house and picked up Matt, who showed him exactly where he saw her.  The police took the bloodhound to the location and determined it was her he had seen.  Weeks passed, then a giant break-through!  I was passing out new fliers with three pictures of Sarah.  I figured, if she had left on her own, she would change her appearance, probably her hair first – darken it – cut it.  The new flier was a computer enhanced picture of her with short, dark hair.  A local convenience store had a clerk that immediately recognized her!  She had been in with a guy, whom the clerk described to me and there was a tape in the store video camera.  The police picked up the video a few days later, showed it to me, and we determined it was not only Sarah in the video, but also her boyfriend Curtis.  The quality being very poor, though, the police did not question the clerk, and the detective even told me that she would not remember them since so many people come into the store.  The clerk had described the incident to me in much detail, described the clothing each one was wearing, and the fact that they had picked up all of the pennies on the counter paying for 27 cents worth of gas, then over-pumping at the gas pump.  She had to go to the gas pump to make them turn it off.

Now, months, years later we are still in the same place – wondering where our Sarah is, if she is alright, if she is alive, well-fed, free or captive, warm in the winter, cool in the summer – if she has a pillow to lay her head on at night, or if she’s being abused, or worse.  The torture has been almost more than we can bear. 

Personally, I have learned more than one important lesson:

• God must feel terrible pain when His children walk away from Him – when we turn our backs on Him He must shed more tears than even we do when our children walk away from our love and protection.  For, we all want to protect our children from harm.
• He never promised us that life would be trouble-free.  I am going wherever He takes me, even if I think I don’t want to go there, I will go because that is where He leads me and He knows what’s best for me and for His kingdom. 
• We must face the possibility that our Sarah will never return to us in this life.  Writing this down, saying it aloud is excruciatingly painful for me.  I have never said that aloud to anybody, and this is the first time I’ve said it to myself.  I continue to have hope that someday she will turn around and see what she has left behind – come back into God’s arms and perhaps into ours.  I will always have that hope until anything else has been otherwise proven beyond the shadow of a doubt.
• Keep surrounded with the Word.  Pray a LOT and keep my eyes on Jesus. 
• On difficult nights I sing in my mind Hold me, Jesus (for I’m Shakin’ like a leaf).

As the seventh anniversary of her missing date approaches, a dark cloud of depression begins to overshadow me.  The fact that I am a Christian first and foremost does not exempt me from the pain of missing our youngest daughter.  I trust God.  My faith is in Him. 

We will say prayers for her, release balloons, pass out fliers, bookmarks, buttons, brochures for her on May 1. Our church family will be there to support us, as they always have.  They will hold us up in prayer. Most of all, we will continue to hold her in our hearts and remember – remember her smile, her laugh, her music, and so much more.

May 1, 2008.  I am planning on having another balloon release for Sarah this year.  Last year’s was good.  We put notes in the balloons, attached small fliers on the outside.  Several people from church attended.  They have supported us during our many trials.

I pray the SOME day we will see Sarah again.  I am praying that God will see fit to bring her back to him, and also to us - whole and healthy would be my prefernce. 

As we approach this 7th missing date, I feel apprehensive, down in the dumps, and lots of other ways, too.

Sarah has friends that know - but are afraid to tell where she went.  I know where she was on June 8, 2001.  She and Curtis were at the Exxon station across from Wal-Mart that evening.  Curtis denied that being Sarah, later he denied that being him.  So, Kurtis, you said it was Michelle and not Sarah, then you said it wasn’t you.  So, do you suppose that you could make up your mind who it was. 

Kurtis has a MySpace and he spells it with a K on here, but it really should be a C.  Amber has two MySpace accounts.  Danielle has  at least one, but she has had more,  Jessie has one, too.  Oh, and so does  Rhianna, also known as "Angel" 

Am I bitter towards these people??  Well, I know that I am supposed to forgive, and I have honestly, earnestly been working on that for nearly 7, yes that’s SEVEN years.  I still have issues, though.  Some of these people have children (even daughters) of their own.  I wonder how they would feel if their daughters friends caused them to be "lost".

I challenge Danielle, Kurtis, Amber, James, David, Rhiannon, Jessie, or any of those wonderful friends of Sarah’s to respond, but NOT anonymously.  Double dog dare you!

So, I’ve rambled once more.  Imagine that!

Just so you all know, Jesus is Lord of my life, though it’s sometimes not apparent to everybody.  I do get off track, but then I get back on.

Thanks for taking the time to read, and blessings to you.  ~ Louise
Neh 8:10

Today is John's and my 29th anniversary.  Doesn't seem like that long, at all!  He has been a prince to me for all these years and treats me like a princess.  He's a real sweetheart of a man.

Because it's December there's a lot of stuff going on.  Two of our children had birthdays, plus a daughter-in-law had a birthday, too.  Then there was Christmas.  I heard on the radio that an organization was giving phone calls home to the homeless.  What a blessing for both the homeless person and for their families.  Made me cry when I heard it.  Of course, I immediately thought about Sarah and the possibility that she may be amongst the homeless.  If she is, either she didn't get in on the free call deal, or she chose not to.  Of course, we would have taken a collect call from her any day, any time, but so far it hasn't happened. 

So, we continue to pray and to wait.  We wait on the Lord, because things happen in His timing and not ours.  We are not in control, even though we may THINK we are or WANT to be.  We fool ourselves when we think we are in control.  He lets us believe that for a time, too.

We went to our oldest daughter's for Christmas.  We got to see her husband, their child, and her in-laws.  It was (and always is) very pleasant to see them.  She is very fortunate to have such a wonderful family of in-laws.

We have been able to see all of our children for Christmas - except Sarah.  I suppose that she has either met with ill fate one way or another, or has found a new family who she believes loves her more than we do.  That's not possible.  Maybe she is being restrained by a person or people, or by drugs.  I would like to know why her so-called friends think they "helped" her by not telling us where she was/is, why she left.  I know that Curtis knows.  If she has been harmed by anybody, he will be the one with that burden on his shoulders when he could have directed her to come back home where it's safe.  Of course, there was the threatening note that the police never asked about.  They have a copy of it.  I know who wrote it, and I know that the boy that punched her in the stomach was told to by the girl that wrote the note.  I distinctly remember her handwriting.  If she reads this, she may remember (back when she and Sarah had recently become friends) that she gave Sarah her phone number and I remarked to her how pretty her handwriting was.  Maybe I'll make a copy of the note and post it on MySpace.  Then she will remember and she will know that I really do know who she is.  Is Sarah afraid of her?  Maybe she wasn't until the boy punched her and told her who it was from.  Maybe I will contact the attorney general's office and tell them how the case has been handled and how the note was ignored, and that I know who wrote it, and that she was punched in the stomach shortly thereafter.  That girl's brother later worked for a short time for my husband.  Ironic, isn't it?

I do rattle on. don't I!  But these things don't leave my mind, and that is probably why I have trouble functioning and doing every day mundane, routine things. I believe that others that have loved ones that are missing also may have issues in doing routine things, too.  I am stuck in May of 2001.  I don't know if I will ever be able to move beyond that time period.  There are many others that have the same problem. I have other chiildren to love, grandchildren to love, but they don't get the attention from me that they really deserve.  I am so sorry about that - really very sorry.  I have other issues I just can't seem to move forward on.  I hope that they understand and will find it in their hearts to forgive me.

My heart is broken into a million pieces.  I go to work and come home.  I go ro work and come home.  I cook, do dishes, check email and banking info, watch a little TV occassionaly, sleep like there's no tomorrow.  Then I do it all over again the next day.  I check my web site I created for Sarah, and another web site of hers just to see if anybody will tell us anything.  They are afraid.   Some of them have children of their own.  But they know what happened to Sarah, where she went, maybe even where she is now.  The least they could do is be brave enough to give us some clues - some really good valid clues instead of lying and saying they don't know anything.  The girl I'm speaking about has two daughters and a son.  She knows what it's like to love your child.  She doesn't know what it's like for one to be missing.  Pray that she will NEVER find out.

We didn't hang a stocking for Sarah this year.  It's too painful to see it on the mantel untouched.  I pray she's alright, whereever she is.  Such a waste.  She should be happy, singing, living life to the fullest, enjoying nieces, nephews, sisters, brothers, parents.  She's old enough now that she should realize what she is missing being away from all of us.  The least she should do is call her sister.  She could do that during the day while I'm at work.  That way, if she only wants to talk to her, then she could do just that.

I am frustrated.  I pray that God would touch her and have her call home.

Blessings to all who read my ramblings. ~ Louise

Matt got his prosthetic eye a few weeks ago.  I am amazed at how good it looks!  If you didn't know, you wouldn't know unless you looked really close.  It moves, but not quite as far as the real eye.  He goes back in a few days for an adjustment.

I am very thankful for insurance, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten the prosthetic.

For those who have prayed for him and us, thanks so much!

Blessings,

Louise  <><