Crime And Punishment

This is a very old chestnut, used by politicians who would have us all believe that they and they alone can solve all our criminal problems by locking everyone up, and some believe the answer to be capital punishment, or as I like to call it, state sponsored murder, for everyone, irrespective of whether or not a crime has actually been committed. Admittedly this only applies to the extreme politician, you know, the ones that sex-up the case for going to war and use the Royal Prerogative to bypass the House of Commons. Anyway, it is my belief that the very idea of justice is in fact a kind of warped mythology. There is no such thing as justice at the end of the day; it is a figment of a politician's and or lawyer's limited imagination.

Gandhi said “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. Another way of looking at it perhaps is to say that there is a moral price to pay, whether or not you believe that you are right or wrong, for *legal* retribution. If that is so then where does *justice* fit in? Is justice achieved by attempting to balance what a particular society perceives to be a wrong by causing yet more pain? Does this help to alleviate grief or add to it, ultimately? Time and time again you see people on the court steps proclaiming justice has been done, but has it? I think people mistake justice for revenge, surely that's just storing up more hatred. You simply cannot cause any kind of inconvenience to someone else without generating a negative reaction. Whatever happened to "turning the other cheek"? 

On this, what a society perceives to be a wrong business. Take Holland for instance. There you can legally have sex with a 13 year old in return for two buckets of cocaine and be given the Queens award for initiative. Thirty miles away in England, you'd get 30 years at Her Majesty's pleasure for that! There's no justice! Sit back down, I'm joking!

And don't run away with the idea that America has the monopoly on reprehensible behaviour. Just a couple of years ago, here in the UK, a woman stabbed her boyfriend in an argument over a burger! I wonder, well not really, but it must have been something else to witness eh? I ordered FRIES YOU FUCKER!!! Stab Stab Stab! Whatever happened to Tony Blair's cry/sound bite ‘tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime'? I repeat, A BURGER! Also there's an ongoing case here now about a mother who had her own 8yr old daughter kidnapped for the sole purpose of getting money, you couldn't make it up!

Of course at the other end of the intellectual spectrum just recently we have a lawyer's mother suing her lawyer daughter over allegations made in a book about alleged abuse during childhood. I wonder what Christmas dinner in their house is going to be like? I ordered ROYAL SWAN YOU FUCKER!!! Stab Stab Stab! Makes you wonder just how far we've come since T Blair's clause 4 statement/bollocks about the rights we enjoy reflecting the duties we owe, and where we live together, freely, in a spirit of solidarity, tolerance and respect. Pffffff. Ultimately people do not change, as leopards do not change their spots. I say people, as a general rule, have the same sense of morality as they did in back in Tudor England. I could be wrong of course, it's just a personal view.

Of course the punishment for these people is the fact that they are basically stuck with being them, they are prisoners inside their own heads. A neighbour of mine happens to be much disliked, to put it mildly, hated I think would be a better way to describe it. Anyway one day I casually said to my mother, "Mother I do not hate this man, in fact I feel sorry for him." "Why my dear son?", she said, well not exactly those words, anyway I said that I do not hate him because imagine the misery of simply being him, being consumed by all things material and staying up all night inspecting his deeds to make sure any surrounding properties were not in breach of any covenants etc. That and the unimaginable misery of being in close proximity to his pig-ugly wife, no no, being that man would be an absolute nightmare. Anyway hate requires too much energy, then again so does feeling sorry for him, hmmm a dichotomy. 

Anyway, back to the above mentioned women, now you could argue that hanging either of these women would be no great loss to society, and I would almost be inclined to agree, but what does it say about a society that chooses to punish someone, albeit of limited intelligence, to the extent that society has the God given right to take a life? I would say, it hardens society by making life itself appear almost worthless. To the pro-death lobby I would say because you are essentially asking someone else to kill/murder on your behalf, where is the morality or even justice in that? Why should you expect someone else to shoulder the burden? It's also a submission to fear, a fear that believes crime would rocket if the death penalty were not in place. Some would argue that a life spent in prison is actually a worse punishment than death and would therefore act as a bigger deterrent.

Whenever I see a documentary on the American prison system and in particular death row, black men seem to make up the vast majority of in-mates. Some of them have done terrible things no doubt, but that surely does not justify treating them in this way. 

Given the recent election victory of Barack Obama, I was wondering, given his "civil rights" background, if he is going to abolish the death penalty? If Obama intends or is persuaded to leave the system alone then I think that tells you everything you need to know about the direction in which he intends to steer the American people. So, in my humble opinion, never mind Guantanamo, the death penalty is the most urgent civil rights issue he faces on his own doorstep, in his own country.

Notwithstanding, I have read that Obama is in fact pro death penalty, but only if it's the "right guy". FUCK ME! There I was under the impression I was right of Genghis Kahn and all the time I was left of Obama. There's nowt as queer as folk! On a serious note, he is making the wild and dangerous assumption that a judicial system has the capacity or capability of being perfect and is therefore unable to arrive at an incorrect decision. This smacks of legal arrogance in the extreme, especially in light of the fact that every other western democracy deals with crime without the death penalty. 

I think you have to put yourself in the position of being the one person, the "one in a million", who has been wrongly accused, even their own families don't believe them, and then imagine that long walk to the death chamber.

No matter how you look at it, it is nothing more than a system of revenge. If you look at it from a religious stand-point then where are you, exactly? Only God can give life and only God can take life away. If you believe that in your heart, then how could you possibly be pro death penalty?

Does this not put Obama's legal and religious credentials in question?

Perhaps he'll change his mind. Now that would be "change" many Americans, and I suspect those on death row, could live with, whatever they've done.

Will he act?

We have but two Hopes, No Hope and Bob Hope

Higgs Boson

OBAMA

Being a musician I can claim to be above politics and as such do not have any political allegiances. Notwithstanding, I find it interesting that the Americans have just ‘elected' their 24th lawyer as President. As a mere uneducated observer I would say that all the ‘talk' sounds very familiar, then again it would do because Tony Blair is also a lawyer and as you probably know was elected here in the UK back in 1997, using virtually the same rhetoric as Obama (change, hope, new dawn etc.). Blair actually said at one point that ‘this is not a time for sound-bites' and then promptly delivered one “I really feel the hand of history” yada yada…

So I'm afraid I've heard it all before, and when the dust settles I think you'll find that things won't have changed that much, certainly not to the extent that ordinary people will feel a difference. Governments simply do not have the money to affect the sort of change envisaged or promised. Obama is already talking it down….I think you'll find, rather worryingly, at the end of the day that there isn't really that much difference between Blair and Obama and Blair, with Brown at his side, have destroyed the United Kingdom and have put us ALL in harms way by alienating the entire Muslim world. Bush played his part of course, he was the muscle, but Blair and Brown were the brains behind it.

So, my advice to my American cousins/friends is to not get too excited, don't expect too much because the problems caused by the political leaders of the past ten years are going to have biblical repercussions for many years to come. The problems for Obama will increase in time because he has been responsible, just like Tony Blair, for raising expectations beyond what is sustainable.

Take interest rates; they are talking about a significant drop in interest rates, which has now happened. In my opinion this is bad news. Low interest rates encourage excessive borrowing and discourages saving. Conversely high interest rates discourages borrowing and encourages saving. No matter how you look at it , it's all robbing Peter to pay Paul economics, it's an elusion, it cannot serve all the people, in other words it's not possible for everyone to pay into a system and get more in return without a debt being created somewhere down the line. So, whatever Obama's economic spin machine manages to come up with, take it with a pinch of salt. Whatever it turns out to be, whatever the plan, it won't be a million miles away from what Blair and Brown did here and when you examine the reality all you'll discover is that the deck chairs on the Titanic have been rearranged to suite them, the people who surround Obama, watch closely.

On the issue of ‘race'; I would say that, from what I'm hearing from the British media, who appear to have completely lost the plot by perpetually over emphasising the colour of Obama's skin and harking on about ‘slave ships etc. is that racism is very much alive and well. Why on earth make such a big issue of the fact he's black? Yes he's unexpectedly reached the top of the mountain but if that's happened as a direct consequence of the fact he just happens to be black; in other words people voted for him just because he's black, then that is a clear act of racism…I couldn't care less what colour Obama is, to me he's just another well presented/spoken lawyer. In any case, he may be the chief jailer but all the white guys are holding all the keys, unless he's planning on doing a Mugabe?

My daughter happens to be half Japanese, that doesn't make her ‘of a different race/colour' does it; to me she's simply a human being, a citizen of the world, like me. What my daughters genetic inheritance certainly does not do is cause her to *think* in a different way to me or anyone else for that matter. Given that Obama seems to be afflicted with intransigent religious beliefs, the most worrying aspect of fundamentalist Christians' being involved in world politics, I am concerned, given the dire economic situation created by our beloved politicians, that I'm not going to be forced to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in the Bible (Exodus 21:7) I hope that's not the ‘promise land' he's been promising everyone? I have to say though; certain black people seem to be their own worst enemy, just like a certain few whites I could mention, and have done.  

Anyway, a few years ago they were talking-up the idea of having ‘black cinemas' how utterly mad is that, it's nothing short of a self imposed apartheid, the only outcome of which would be to emphasise that there is or could be an intellectual difference between various shades of the rainbow. Here in the UK the Labour party is talking about fast-tracking certain black MPs or potential MPs into so-called ‘safe seats'. This is another form of racism; it's only going to get worse!

Just how far down this genetic route are they going to go? As I understand it we all emanate from Africa so why make such a big deal out of lineage and skin colour? Every time the British media talk about this they succeed in generating an ‘us and them' mentality. Just the other night, on a serious BBC news program (Newsnight) with Jeremy Paxman he interviewed the Hip-Hop star Dizzy Rascal in what I could only presume to be an attempt to let the British people envisage what a black Prime Minister would be like. A more unlikely character you could not wish to meet but by interviewing this person in particular, they (Paxman) made an absolute mockery of this news program and this whole pseudo debate….

Obviously I don't know Obama but let me just say that I have NEVER met a decent lawyer. As we speak, a firm of lawyers are taking my family to the cleaners. As you've probably gathered I have an exceptionally low opinion of lawyers, and for good reason having been confronted with them on various occasions. Although not particularly clever they are incredibly devious and manipulative and have a very nasty habit of grossly exaggerating their case to the point of blatant lying, especially when it comes to their ‘costs'. On that note, I bid you all good day….

Higgs Boson

PS. a more in depth discussion of my various political observations can be found on my politiks blog…

BIG BANG Theory – Higgs Theory of Negativity

Let me start by saying that being a musician first and foremost, sorry to disappoint, but what I know about the technicalities of particle physics could be inscribed on an ant's ball-bag and still leave enough room for War and Peace, in every language. That said…

I believe it was the Nobel Prize winning physicist Leon Lederman who, much to Peter Higgs' annoyance, coined the phrase the ‘God Particle' to describe the Higgs boson so named after Peter Higgs. As I understand it, very simply, don't worry; the hypothesis put forward is that the Higgs boson gives mass to all other particles in what scientists describe as the Standard Model. So basically, if this is true then the Higgs field, as it's also known, is literally in everything we see and touch. Heady stuff indeed and you can see why Lederman would associate the particle with God, if indeed you subscribe to the concept that a God exists in the first place. I suppose it rather depends on how you view God doesn't it. If you believe that God is up there directing traffic and generally interfering, in a third party Ten Commandments sort of way, then all these physics based theories would raise eyebrows. However, if you believe God exists in everything we see and touch then this surely raises some fundamental theological questions/arguments.

As I understand it there are many theologians, and I include the Bishop of Durham, and I suspect the Reverend Sir John Polkinghorne who used to be a theoretical physicist and worked with Professor Peter Higgs, who believe that the bible or the vast majority of stories contained within it are symbolic. If this is the case then Lederman's conjecture would seem to have some merit, although I can't help thinking that calling the boson the God particle was a cynical manipulation to whip-up media hysteria. Incidentally, Lederman apparently refers to the elusive particle as ‘she'. This would certainly explain a great deal wouldn't it…train crashes, hurricanes etc..- Only kidding!

I think it's worth pointing out that if the re-naming of the boson was not cynical then it was a statement of faith, which of course many scientists claim not to have, even though saying categorically that you do not believe in God is a statement of faith in itself. I happen to think that one of the biggest spin-offs of this experiment will be to cause people to re-evaluate how they perceive God, whether they believe in God or no. This is using science to rationalise religion and vice versa, clever.

As to the scientific merit and the cost of this project currently being conducted at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) which claims to be one of the world's largest centres for scientific research and that its business is finding out what the Universe is made of and how it works etc. Anyway, I have noticed that they talk a great deal about the scientific benefits but they don't actually say what the benefits are going to be. This is curious isn't it; given that particle physics is purported to be an exact science based on violence (smashing particles together at high speed) and math? You would have thought that when the politicians agreed to hand over 12 billion dollars someone would have asked the question; what are we going to get out of it? Of course they did ask that question but it wasn't quite meant in the same way. What exactly are going to be the benefits to mankind? That is the question; they could then present these benefits in the form of say a list, so we would all be absolutely clear as to what exactly we are paying for. I mean if this is going to procure similar benefits brought about by the moon landings then….Houston, I have a problem.

As hugely impressive as the Large Hadron Collider is, I'm afraid in the midst of a world economic down-turn and with the virtual collapse of the banking system which has to be propped up by the tax payer, I could think of better ways to spend 12 billion dollars, sorry. There's much hoo-ha about worm holes, black holes and bum holes, in which many scientists seem to have disappeared up. I was watching one of the many documentaries about CERN the other day and at one point we were treated to a tantalising glimpse into the sort of characters that work at CERN, when one extremely gaunt looking bewiskered/pustuled specimen was wheeled out to give an interview, never mind the God Particle he looked like he'd never seen the Sun!! If ever there was a candidate who needed all the advances medical science could offer this guy was it.

I give you the head of CERN – Sir Blunderrbus Wigins, now there's the look of a man who's just won 12 billion on the lottery. Either that or someone's just paid the electricity bill, which is alleged to be in the region of 14 million UK pounds, per year! One scientist said the cost of the CERN experiment is peanuts.
Well, maybe, certainly puts Stephen Hawkins $100 bet that they won't find the boson in perspective.

Talking of which, let's explore what medical science has done and more importantly is promising for the future and whether or not this is going to be of any benefit to the human race, ultimately that is. I think it is relevant to the CERN experiment. If medical science has its way in just 300 years time when you have your great great great grandfather munching and moaning through the Kellogg's (that's me, hopefully) trust me, you're going to be thinking, when oh when is that fucker going to die!! Will this make for a happier society? I don't think so. The problems of an ageing society and what to do with them are with us now, thanks to medical science. Even now it can be a very sobering and even dangerous business going to my local town where you run the risk of being literally crushed under-foot by enormous motorised wheel chairs being driven by ageing lunatics with dementia. These fuckers are taking more drugs than Ozzy Ozbourne yet they are deemed fit to be in charge of mini 4x4's you can drive on the pavement! You could be blinded by the glare of chromium plated Zimmer frames…Don't get me wrong, we all have to get old, well actually we don't do we, but I'm afraid I don't feel sorry for old people, they've had there life, its children I feel sorry for.

I am of course a complete hypocrite in that if or when my hips give up the ghost I'll be the first in the queue to take advantage of a replacement and I have to admit that if it were not for medical science I would not even be here. At the age of 14 I had peritonitis aka the devils grip. 100 years ago it would have killed me but thanks to medical interference I survived. I think the problem is perhaps that everyone wants to live forever and be free of disease, no one wants to suffer. What I'm trying to get at here is that science is following the wrong path and is taking things too far. Saving a life is one thing; creating or prolonging life unnecessarily is another. This is a very difficult subject and speaking as someone whose mother has Parkinson's disease I have a deeply held personal view about it. My mother clearly benefits from medical advances, which is fine accept that I do have a slight problem with the fact that animals are used in the research, it's a difficult one. However, I would say in defence of my argument that as far as the victims of Parkinson's are concerned medical science is not prolonging their lives significantly beyond that which nature intended.

Take the science of IVF as perhaps a better example of the misdirection of funds. IVF is medical sciences answer for people who cannot have children. This is a hugely expensive and controversial service for people who self evidently want something nature has deprived them of. I defy anyone to go to the top of Tokyo Tower or any high-point in a major city in the world, look out across the landscape and think, yep, what the world needs is more people by people who can't have kids…

When someone dies suddenly (with no particular reason) they don't say, well he just died, we don't know or cause of death unknown. They have to attach some learned aspect to it by giving it a name, that name is ‘sudden death syndrome'. In the words of the great Billy Connolly “you might as well eat white bread, not doing so you may live for another two weeks, but you won't get that two weeks when you're 35 and shagging yourself to death no no NO you get them when you are 95 with tubes stuck in every orifice”.

I recently took my daughter to see the new Pixar film Wall.E. Ok, I know what you're thinking but, the film did have a point. I feel it is worth mentioning because it's not difficult to imagine a world completely ruined and being circled by loads of fat fuckers in space ships waiting for robots to clean up the mess. Science is in affect aiding and abetting that very scenario, is it not. As I've already said, in my view science is pushing us in the wrong direction and resources are being misdirected because some politicians have invested their private fortunes in the engineering firms who construct machines like the Large Hadron Collider.
Of course we can't reverse time, although I wouldn't mind betting that there's a boffin somewhere being publicly funded to find out if it's possible, but we can slow down the march of so-called scientific progress. As deluded as it probably sounds when someone extols the virtues of returning to a bygone age, wouldn't it be better if for instance our transport system here in the UK returned to steam? If they reinstated all the closed local railway lines, enthusiasts would run it for nothing! Ideal…and as for music and in particular my hi-fi set-up, I've gone back to a valve amplifier and do you know what, it sounds really good. Put it this way, you'd have to spend a small fortune to match the sound quality if I were to replace it with its modern equivalent. To compound the madness, I've just bought a bicycle, I haven't sold the car though, I haven't gone that mad, yet! But, you see my point; it is possible to readjust to a simpler way of life.

Anyway, why are the scientists placing such importance on this ‘quest for knowledge' bollocks? Must we know how the universe works at any cost? Whats wrong with not knowing stuff and unnecessary stuff at that, lets be honest. Did curiosity not kill the cat! Why do we have to advance at such a pace? I actually think that human survival on this planet will depend on halving the world's population (at least) and the few that remain live as eighteenth century farmers. Otherwise, follow the science route and wealth and greed will get the better of us and in the words of someone we all, or most of us know (Frank Zappa) the meek shall inherit nothing. That's true isn't it, we live in societies based on greed and when we have used up the earths resources all that will remain are the meek, probably a few mud huts in Africa? So the meek shall inherit the earth, for what it's worth, nothing, in the end. Old Zappa was right then.

I blame Gordon Brown (British Prime Minister) and T. Blair…this bollocks about ‘things can only get better' and that an economy can be in a permanent state of perpetual boom without a bust. How wrong was that? And incidentally, ironic isn't it that one of the principle architects of the LHC (Brian Cox) was the keyboard player in the band D-Ream from which New Labour (ex socialist right wing political party) procured their 97 election theme tune (things can only get better) one of the most annoying tunes on the planet, period. It would have been far better if our Brian were to have spent his time in search of the elusive groove and equally elusive tune.

If you ask me some things are better left as just theories…I'm afraid we are not going to live forever, there is going to be an end to the human race, we now have a small chance to prolong that process, why on earth are we not taking it? This, our Earth is the Garden of Eden, it is possible to make a better world for our children but not I'm afraid while we are burdened by the madness and greed of politicians and the scientists unquenchable thirst for unnecessary knowledge.

Higgs Boson

Listen to my music while you read....

The Gig

Unceremoniously dumped by an English harridan (I'm being kind), completely and utterly broken/depressed/down-trodden, and that's just her, imagine how I felt, I decided to throw caution to the wind and mingle with some 'local' musicians. I ended up playing with a couple of guys who I actually respected; including the late Fred Davis (guitarist). He had a fantastic finger-picking style and was a formidable pedal steel player. Anyway, to cut a long story, at the behest of another local muso I took a very nice/beautiful girl out for a day in my car, thinking that this would alleviate some of the pain. Of course it didn't, we broke down (the car that is), but to the rescue came help in the form of Mervyn Beaver (artist) who I'd never met but nevertheless he very kindly offered to take us back to his place and feed us. I have to say that for this to happen in England these days is highly unusual. Usually, if you break down, it's fuck-off and die!

Anyway, Mervyn being an artist instantly recognised that I was different in some way and could somehow sense that I was a musician, so we had certain things in common as twer. Problems, problems and more fucking problems, of course we were unable to fix my car and as I had a piano gig that evening Mervyn offered to sell me a cheap car, which got us home safely and me onto the gig, much to my surprise.

After this we kept in touch and I went down to Cornwall to see him and his family again, we became good friends. He eventually introduced me to a number of Cornish musicians amongst which was John Fry aka Chuck Scirocco. I ended up playing quite a lot with John in his studio mainly; this inevitably led to a number of other encounters. Through John I did some session work for Sentinel Records where Gareth Young worked as a sound engineer.

Anyroadup, one day John phones me and said that he's heard of a possible piano/keyboard gig in Denmark would I be interested? Does a bear shit in the woods? I thought, of course, what's the deal? Apparently I had to go and see someone called Damian Rodd who was at that time working as a drummer in a cabaret band. The arrangements were made and I went to meet him at some god-awful holiday camp where he was playing. Anyway there were clearly some very good musicians playing in this cabaret band and although they were playing what I would describe as complete crap (theme to the A-Team etc..) I could tell that Rodd was different, yes he was going through the motions but occasionally there would be a flash of brilliance, a touch of the Vinnies about him, if you know what I mean. So, we met, and we arranged a rehearsal.

However, unbeknown to me John had completely exaggerated my abilities by telling them I played like Chic Corea!!!You have to imagine that being said in a slight Cornish accent. How should I say, one's credibility took a sudden nosedive.

Despite this, they all seemed reasonably impressed with my abilities when said rehearsal took place and we agreed to start rehearsals in preparation for this Danish 5 star hotel gig. I say gig, the contract was for one month, six nights a week, five hours per night.

I immediately liked the other guys; to me they seemed a very happy bunch despite living in what you could only describe as errr not exactly salubrious conditions lets put it that way. In fact they were living in caravans on the holiday camp site where they were playing and our rehearsals were confined to these caravans, to start with at any rate. They kept referring to one another as 'Ted' I thought this was some strange Cornish custom but it was simply there way of not having to bother remembering each others names. You have to say it in a certain way as well, with your tongue curled upwards. This gives you the local buffoon edge, so to speak. So, I became Ted for the duration.

The preparations for this gig for me was a welcome diversion from dwelling on the misery of a relationship break-up, however in the event no matter how far you run, no matter how busy you make yourself the pain barrier has to be negotiated, otherwise you're in denial, that's bad!

So, the final rehearsal took place and I ventured back to my hovel in my little Fiat 128. I say hovel, with the pant and sock fairy disappearance I don't mind admitting the place was starting to look a bit sad not to mention untidy. Anyway I forgot to say, I crashed the car on the way back, disaster already. I had to have some major repair work (chasis welding) done if my little Fiat was to make it all the way to Copenhagen. Yes, we were driving all the way, never mind Top Gear; this was an excursion that would make Jeremy Clarkson proud.

Watch this space for Part Two…

Higgsy

Listen while you read....

Sea of Sheds

Oh how our expectations have diminished. Just recently I became a victim to some local hype and heaped a visitation upon the opening of a brand new ASDA Supermarket. Ok, I'm not proud of it; heaped a visitation, where did that come from? I know… My step-father once came home covered in blood having been knocked off his bike. Instead of simply saying 'some bastard's just knocked me off me bike' he said "Alice!!! (my mother) Alice!!! I've been a party to an accident"!

Anyroad, on my arrival I noticed a man proudly pacing up and down with an almost impatient stride. I casually approached this man, why? Because I had fuck all else to do, so shut-up…anyway, in an attempt to initiate a conversation I remarked on my surprise as to the level of interest in what is only a glorified shed with ASDA written on the side. He became defensive, perhaps understandably, after proclaiming he was the chief architect. On hearing this I proceeded to insult this man by shouting out 'ARCHITECT!!! Fuck me, it's a fucking 'SHED' I know builders who'd knock this up of a weekend from drawings on the back of fucking fag packet. You should have seen the look on his face….

What is it about ASDA customers anyway, where the fuck do these people come from? Who are these portly tattooed types who buy nothing but fags (cigarettes) and lottery scratch cards? Apparently, huge numbers of Asdarians drove hundreds of miles to witness the opening of this shed, fucking unbelievable. We've unwittingly become a nation of shed-wanderers and no-one seems to be questioning it…until now….

I think old Prince Charles has a point though doesn't he? About modern architecture, not that sheds constitute architecture. Then again his mum (our Queen) recently opened terminal five at Heathrow, which, it has to be said, is another shed, a big one I grant you, but nonetheless, a shed….the furor that went with it, the fanfare, the bollocks about how wonderful it all is I found utterly bewildering. Is it the Sistine Chapel? No, it's a fucking shed.

I recently took my daughter to Crealy Adventure Park. The experience for me was – well - sheds, screaming and incredibly loud music that I would happily kill someone to avoid. Crealy was once a farm and for some reason, I would imagine to avoid going out of business, they diversified and turned the whole kit n' caboodle into an adventure park. Again, a bunch of sheds in the middle of a field with some horrible fast-food outlets and fairground rides etc..At least I now know where Asdarians go on holiday, there were literally thousands of em…Unfortunately it started to piss with rain and hordes of sweaty plebs flocked to the sheds for cover, not unlike the sheep which once adorned the farm, ironically.

My wife had to queue for 30 minutes for our veggie-burgers, serves us right for being vegetarians I suppose but it was slightly depressing that we, even in the confines of an ex farm shed, were being treated as, how should I say, not normal, lepers. Actually that's normal for me; I don't feel normal any more. It reminded me of flying with Lufthanser. As a vegetarian you have to pre-book what they call a 'special meal'. A normal meal would be a beef sandwich with cheese whilst a 'special meal' is the same but with no beef. In other words, a fucking cheese sandwich..

I find it incredibly difficult to deal with certain situations, especially ones that strike me as being a bit odd or deliberately contrived to annoy me. I find it difficult because usually 98% of my brain is taken up by trying to work out a better way, an alternative as opposed to just accepting what is rather than dealing with the situation at hand…..My poor wife. I'm fast becoming a 'problem old git'..

Anyway, this so-called day out for me was incredibly depressing, I tried my absolute hardest, for my daughter's sake, to have a good time but all the way through the ordeal I felt so detached from the other people. My daughter of course had a wonderful time but I couldn't help thinking what a shame Crealy wasn't still a farm and people would then be forced to visit somewhere nice…..maybe I'm getting too old?

Keep it above the horizontal.........

Higgs

the British curmudgeon....

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/662021

The Kampf
Chapter three

 Wealth and Inheritance

They say poverty is relative. Heather Mills's idea of poverty is a mere 24 million in the bank and a paltry 35k annual allowance for the orf spring. I wonder what Paul said to her to piss her off so much? Hell hath no wroth, as they also say. I loved it when she came out onto the court steps proclaiming a victory and then went on to say that the child will have to suffer b-class travel arrangements due to the stingy amount awarded, astonishing ineptitude and a public relations disaster, for her.

Lets make poverty history?

Of course, I agree with the general sentiment here but this much over used slogan is clearly ridiculous, especially when said by politicians and the like. It's very much like this idea or utopian stupidity of 'full employment' and everyone can get back more than they put in etc. It's just not possible and I wish people would stop pushing the idea. Provided you agree with the fundamental principle that some people get paid more for doing certain jobs than others then relative poverty will always exist. I must admit, I find it mildly irritating when I see that oik Bono poncing around the world hob-nobbing with all and sundry pretending to be some kind of modern-day poverty wizard. It's clearly a load of bollocks, and does Bono actually believe that just by talking to whoever at the top of the food-chain can somehow eliminate global poverty? Has he eliminated poverty in his own backyard, is my question. Obviously I don't know the man but it does seem that poverty and Bono along with most other celebrities that jump on the poverty band wagon are not exactly bed-fellows.

Apparently, the imaginatively named Nigella Lawson, daughter of Nigel Lawson (ex Chancellor of the Exchequer) has been saying that children should not inherit their parent's wealth because it is a good lesson in life for them to earn their own way. My immediate response; well, that's alright for her to say isn't it. As far as I'm concerned the very worst kinds of people are nearly always those that have 'endured the struggle', the kampf indeed. Let's face it; those that have the most have had to, at some point, get very nasty and or selfish in order to obtain that wealth. This would perhaps explain why, whenever you meet a genuine Lord, landed gentry (old money) as it's known, they're nearly always relatively reasonable people, and the reason is that they haven't had to endure the struggle for wealth because they inherited it. That's not to say they don't care about money, of course they do, its just that they look at it differently. To them, their function is one of caretaker for the next generation, and why not? If you can't look after your own family, who can you look after?

When people like Nigella talk of this subject in this way what does it tell us about the attitude of people in general? It is a clear challenge to the basic principle of - better to give than receive. What sort of lesson is it when you tell your own children; no, you're getting fuck-all, get a JOB you lazy fuck! And by the way, he's not your father! It's Lord Bath! Of course I jest, in saying that I do think we would be much better off scraping local Government and going back to a feudal lord system with people like Lord Bath running the country. Imagine it, would it not be infinitely better to deal with Lord Bath than some snotty-nosed over-paid up-start at the local council office. Neighbour problems could be almost instantly rectified by his-lordship making a decision on the spot and have the offending neighbour larched and or put in stocks; this would certainly put an element of fun back into the justice system, would it not.

 
Higgs Boson

The Kampf
Chapter two

 PoLiTiks and more BoLliks

 Well, I must admit, despite the fact that I actually think that musicians should keep their snouts out of politics altogether I’m afraid I just can’t resist saying something about it, comedians are at it so why shouldn’t I?  - So, where do I begin? I suppose a good start would be to talk about my Grandfather on my mother’s side of the family, a huge influence on me as it happens. He was born in the year 1900. He died in January 1986, same day as the Shuttle disaster. He fought in two World Wars, he did his duty, he served his country.

 Voting…

 Whatever it was that made people like my Grandfather fight in two World Wars is of course debatable. Obviously the threat of invasion played a major part but I can’t quite bring myself to believe it was ’freedom and democracy’ in the way our beloved politicians would have us believe, especially for those who willingly gave their lives, those brave souls who fought at Dunkirk for instance, knowing full-well that for them it was the end. The attitude was one of – well when I’m killed someone will be able to climb over my body to gain another foot or so up the beach –  moving but depressing stuff. I always think of these men when I’m confronted with mindless bureaucracy created by the politicians who claim that their right to exist as politicians was brought about by the efforts and motives of such men. Perhaps the politicians would do well to consider the notion that their motives were much more to do with protecting their own families rather than keeping politicians families in pate de fuagre. War, is after all a failure of politics, is it not.

 My Grandfather came from what I would describe as humble beginnings; he left school at the age of 14 with very little education but somehow managed to survive on his wits. He always described himself as a Menshevik; I was never quite sure what that meant over and above some kind of Socialist? I do know that he was vehemently anti-authourity and perhaps this rubbed off on me a tad. I have somewhere a photograph of him eating his last bag of chips before the Government put VAT on them. Talk about defiance…I won’t go into details but he was a very brave man, especially in the First World War. He was awarded the Croix de Guerre. Interestingly, through all the hardship/heartache not to mention huge sacrifices he only ever voted once in his entire life and that was because my Grandmother nagged him about it. He told me that within weeks of voting for this character, once elected was given the directorship of 4 banks at a salary of over 100k per annum. I’m not entirely sure when this was but I think it was back in the early 1950’s when 100k was an absolute fortune. I mean you could’ve purchased half of Wales for that sort of money and still had enough change for a sizable bucket of the legendary Hockings Ice-cream.

Such is the disillusion with politics here in the UK the voting habits of the nation are at an all-time low. This is hugely encouraging, although I suspect that the reason has more to do with drunken laziness than any intellectual stand-point. Notwithstanding, it seems incredible to me that politicians claim to have a ’mandate’ to introduce all sorts of extreme legislation most of which people in general, when sober, disagree with. Politicians are clearly using 9/11 as an excuse to spend enormous sums of public money. Media pressure clearly leads to knee-jerk politics, introducing draconian laws drafted by those witless buffoons that went to Oxford and Cambridge. Take this business of ID cards, now how in gods name is this going to protect us from terrorism?....these fuckers are on a cash and information drive….that’s what it is. It would not surprise me in the slightest if they all have shares in the company that produces the cards. ALL politicians seem to have one aim, and that is to remove our rights and privileges whilst making merry with public money.

It also seems to me that politicians spend the vast majority of their time squabbling over internal party political affairs, at public expense. Look at this recent debacle over MPs expenses. Fuck me no wonder they look so pissed off when they lose an election. Becoming an MP is a bit like winning the fucking lottery. Well let’s face it; you need to actually be a lottery winner in order to fund any kind of election campaign these days and that being the case you have to question the credibility of any democracy that is run on such a basis. EU politicians (MEPs) got caught red-handed with their snouts in the trough. Apparently they were turning up at Brussels purely to claim their expenses then getting back on the train to go home, fuckers. And another thing: where the fuck do they find all these people with enough spare cash to fund there political parties in the first place? Bernie Ecclestone (Formula One Racing) apparently gave the Labour party one million pounds, one fucking million! How bereft of morals, what kind of manipulative a-moral sod would you have to be to actually have a million in spare change to give to that lot? Surely, if you had any kind of moral base whatsoever you’d give it to an orphanage or something, wouldn’t you? I mean if I had a spare million floating around the fucking labour party would be at the very bottom of my list of priorities!

I sometimes watch a TV program called Question Time hosted by the eminently respectable David Dimbleby. The program consists of a panel of guests, a mixture of politicians and celebrities usually, with an audience made-up from members of the public. The big subject this week was this new EU Treaty, yawn. According to some politicians this treaty will deny yet more of our rights and remove our UK politicians from the decision making process .. issues. Paradoxically that fact alone I would have thought gives it the thumbs-up? According to some politicians this treaty is so radical that it requires a referendum before it is ratified. Anyway, this week’s ’celebrity’ was broadcaster and comedian Marcus Brigstocke who appeared to be saying that because the treaty is so complicated we the public should not be voting on it in a referendum. He went on to say that this is why we elect politicians who are intelligent enough to understand the complexities of said treaty, it’s a parliamentary democracy etc etc.... Well then, surely, the act of determining the intelligence of a politician is even more complex so using his argument we shouldn’t be voting at all. Quite right Marcus, after all Blair was elected on the basis of his youth, and that ridiculous smile, was he not? You simply can’t make these sorts of decisions on the back of deliberately distorted media presentations and two minutes on the fucking doorstep, if you’re lucky, or unlucky as the case may be. In case you were in any doubt about how seriously deluded our politicians are; take the new 24h drinking laws and recent smoking ban. Our politicians actually thought this would generate a continental café style culture in Britain. Fucking unbelievable! It simply does not get anymore removed from reality than that…I quite like what Frankie Boyle said about the recent smoking ban. Apparently a number of grotty/horrible pubs in Glasgow put tables and chairs outside and it all started to look like Paris after a Nuclear War. I mean, EU politicians must be shitting themselves at the idea of Britain being more involved in mainland Europe decision making. I would be if I were them. ---- Incidentally, if there was a referendum on whether or not the UK should remain part of the European Union I would vote to stay out, simply to save Europe from the English. When I go to France for a holiday the very last thing I want to see is a fucking roadside Little Chef café or worse…..Before you know it the Eiffel Tower will get bull-dozed to make way for sheltered housing. I certainly have mixed emotions whenever I see hoards of Brits heading off to foreign parts. On one hand I’m glad they’ve gone and on the other I feel really embarrassed/sorry for the poor fuckers on the other end who have to endure their presence.

It just amazes and amuses me that politicians would have us all believe that they are somehow presiding over a huge success story when half the country is in massive amounts of personal debt, people are binge drinking themselves to death and pulling out their own teeth. Binge drinking, is another recent political sound bite isn’t it. When did this happen? As I understand it, binge drinking is brief periods of heavy drinking followed by abstinence. What the fuck are they talking about, this has always happened, abstinence happens when your money runs out.

Apparently we now consume 14 million pints less than we did during the 1970s, why am I not surprised. People in the 70s must have been considerably better off than we are now because I went for beer the other day and very nearly had to give the bank manager a call. So the problem of alcoholism must have been a lot worse back then and yet at that time politicians were silent on the issue. Why? This is yet more proof, if proof were needed, that they are perpetually scratching where there is no itch. They are continually sticking their noses into people’s private parts, literally in some cases.

People have a right to drink but they do not have a right to expect other people to pay for the consequences. The same goes for drugs, smoking or any self inflicted disease. My policy on drugs is simple: Prince Charles or the Duke of Westminster should buy-up all there is and leave it in a fucking great heap on Dartmoor. People could then simply help themselves, those that want to kill themselves, go ahead. This would certainly help decrease the surplus population! Cripes, I’m starting to sound like Scrooge, I don’t care!

Just look at the Houses of Parliament, the whole systems a fucking joke. As far as I’m concerned the very best outcome of any election is a ’hung Parliament’ (votes evenly distributed between political parties with no out-right winner). This is to have 650 politicians all scratching their arses unable to agree on anything. This means they won’t be able to fuck anything else up. Lest we forget Adolph, better just call him Adolph because such is the level of political correctness (PC) here in Europe the very mention of the word Hitler is about as welcome as an itchy bell-end at the state opening of an orphanage, was democratically elected.

Talking of which, as soon as Blair and Brown appeared on our television screens I knew they were blagging their way to the top. Remember the old adage: the organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank – the really big chunks always rise to the top. Anyway, Blair and Brown were clearly taking full advantage of the death of John Smith, one of the very few decent men on the political scene at that time. As soon as Blair was elected Labour leader what did he do, scrap clause four of the Labour Party constitution. That’s like ripping out the Sermon on the Mount from the Bible. From that point on New Labour, as it became known, instantly transformed itself into a sort of vacuous bubble of media-driven nothingness. Anyway, as predicted his Tonyness turns-out to be more Tory (right wing) than Thatcher ever was. In fact Mrs Thatcher was the first senior politician to visit Blair after he was elected. She came out of No.10 and casually proclaimed Blair as ’alright’. He’ll do, sort of thing.

What I found deeply disturbing was that people here simply bought into the whole thing to such an extent that some really quite serious financial misdemeanors were almost immediately forgiven and forgotten in a very short space of time, hence the phrase ’Teflon Tony’. New Labour began to implement policies the Tories could only dream about. Take Labours beloved sacred cow the National Health Service (NHS). Now if the Tories so much as mentioned privatisation (public ownership) in relation to the NHS there would’ve been riots in the streets. Enter Blairs teeth and it wasn’t long before they were talking about a private finance initiative (PFI). The Tories were like rabbits caught in the headlights. Labour were clearly pursuing policies that were beyond the dreams of even Mrs Thatch.

The problem is what you have here in the UK is basically two-party politics. Interestingly they call this democracy? Is this the people’s choice? I mean if you go into a restaurant and there are only two items on the menu, shit with salt and shit with pepper, you’d just walk out, wouldn’t you? Anyway, I tend to veer toward the lesser of two evils as I see it, that’s sympathetically or psychologically rather than hard support you understand. The lesser for my money has got to be the Tories and I’ll tell you exactly why. To start with a little financial skull-duggery is a given, and the Tories were at it for sure, but on a much lesser scale. Lest we forget, the Tories downfall in 97 was brought about by that weasel Neil Hamilton who caused an up-roar over the paltry sum of ten grand which was basically, as I understand it, a French hotel bill paid by Mohammed Al fied. This is chicken-feed when compared to the sums New-Labour is dealing with. Tony’s best mate Peter Mandelson has more than that in loose change stuffed down his fucking underpants. With Labour we’ve had one financial scandal after another, absolutely relentless corruption on a biblical scale. These fekers are so wealthy they can actually give one another mortgages. This is the so-called ’third way’ Socialism for the few: from each according to his needs, to each for as little as he can get away with. During the 97 election campaign I’ve never heard such bollocks talked in my entire life. They had more slogans than I could ever be bothered to remember but I do remember that they said that they needed to clean up politics and its time for a new start….Things can only get better…My Government will be ’whiter than white’…..etc…..pfffffffffff. – The fekers,  people who actually believed this shit were entitled to vote!!!!! – think on……

For my money the Tories only redeeming feature is that they were far too busy sleeping with each others wives and or swinging from chandeliers in full leathers and chains to be bothered with the mundane business of law and policy making. In contrast, these Labour fuckers are serious politicians, professional indeed, fucking disaster, they actually believe the hype, or do they?

Parliamentary democracy is a system that elects people to administer and in many cases remove/control your freedoms in order to keep large groups of people under control. The issue is one of trust; the problems arise when you elect people who are either corrupt and or incompetent. Ask yourself the question why anyone would want to be a politician in the first place? They either crave power, which is a form of corruption in itself, or they are unable to get alternative employment, incompetent. With this in mind, just in case you were thinking of rushing out to vote. Here’s a brief synopsis, a mere snapshot if you will of UK Government activity since 1997 which, I might add, excludes dodgy sexed-up dossiers, Iraq/Afghanistan and so on….I’m afraid there aren’t enough hours in the fucking day for me to be writing about that!

May 1997 Mohammed Sarwar accused of bribery
Each year Blair’s freebie holidays
November 1997 Bernie Eccleston’s £1 million donation investigated
March 1998 Lord Irvine’s £650,000 wallpaper
March 1998 Scottish Parliament building tendering process & construction
July 1998 Downing Street adviser Roger Liddle investigate dover lobbying links
August 1998 Robin Cook’s affair with Gaynor Regan exposed
October 1998 Ron Davies’s Moment of Madness on Clapham Common
November 1998 Nick Brown admits paying for gay sex
December 1998 Geoffrey Robinson resigns over loaning money to Mandelson
December 1998 Peter Mandelson resigns over Geoffrey Robinson loan
July 1999 Derek Draper & Lobbygate
July 1999 Ken Collins, former Labour MEP, appointed chairman of the Scottish Environment Protection Agency with a salary of £45,000
October 1999 Ron Davies goes badger watching
October 1999 October 1999 - Failed Labour candidate Joan Aitken appointed as the Prisons Complaints Commissioner.
September 1999 Scottish Labour Party lobbying scandal
January 2000 Geoffrey Robinson faces fraud inquiry over Transtec
January 2000 Gordon Brown faces Inquiry over flat purchased from Maxwell ruins
January 2000 January 2000 - Police arrest Philip Chalmers, who earned £50,000-a-year as head of the Scottish Executive’s strategic communications unit, for being drunk at the wheel of his car in a red light district with a prostitute.
April 2000 John Prescott fails to disclose benefit of Union owned flat.
June 2000 Geoffrey Robinson in trouble with Belgian tax authorities.
June 2000 Lord Ali in trouble for using House of Lords as business address.
July 2000 David Blunkett fails to declare income from rent on his Wimbledon home
November 2000 Cherie Blair & Nannygate.
January 2001 Buyer of Millennium Dome Robert Bourne accused over donation to Labour
January 2001 Peter Mandelson resigns for the second time.
April 2001 - Failed Labour candidate Keith Geddes appointed to board of Scottish Natural Heritage
May 2001 May 2001 - Robin Young, a former non-executive director of Bovis (construction managers of the Scottish Parliament) appointed as permanent secretary at the Department of Trade and Industry
July 2001 Hindujahs receive passports after Labour donation
November 2001 Henry McLeish resigns as Scottish First Minister after office expense scandal
November 2001 November 2001 - Jack McConnell admits to affair with Labour party secretary who he tried to keep in situ by appealing to Labour MPs for funds. He says he has had no other affairs.
December 2001 Keith Vaz criticised by Standards Commissioner over business links
December 2001 Nigel Griffiths and £40,000 office expenses
January 2002 - Norman Murray, Labour councillor and former convenor of the Convention of Scottish Local Authorities, appointed board member of the Scottish Ambulance Service at £7,305 a year
January 2002 Labour spin doctors trash reputation of Rose Addis
January 2002 Enron accused of buying access to Labour after donation.
February 2002 Arthur Andersen & donations to Labour
February 2002 Martin Sixsmith forced to resign by Stephen Byers
February 2002 Jo Moore resigns over ’burying bad news’ email
March 2002 Lakshmi Mittal
March 2002 Donnygate Doncaster Labour scandal ends in prison for Labour councillors
May 2002 Stephen Byers resigns from government after various scandals
May 2002 Tessa Jowell criticises Labour for accepting donation from Richard Desmond
June 2002 Ken Livingstone accused of manhandling his partner while drunk at a party
June 2002 Black Rod accuses Downing Street of trying to muscle in on Queen Mother’s funeral
June 2002 Labour spin doctors accuse Paddington crash victim Pam Warren of being a Tory stooge
July 2002 Carphone Warehouse chairman claims Lord Levy tried to nobble a £1 million donation.
September 2002 Labour MP Alan Meale in trouble over deportation case linked to donation.
October 2002 - Lanarkshire Labour party hold a Red Rose Dinner attended by a notorious drug baron called Justin McAlroy
October 2002 - Forty-four constituency Labour parties in Scotland revealed to have failed to register agreements to accept regular donations from trades unions. Failure to do so is a criminal offence.
December 2002 Cherie Blair apologises over links to conman Peter Foster
March 2003 Clive Betts MP employed rent boy in House of Commons office
August 2003 David Kelly commits suicide
August 2003 Chris Bryant pictured in briefs on Gaydar website
August 2003 - Defeated Labour MSP Iain Gray appointed as Alistair Darling’s special adviser at a salary of £60,000
August 2003 - Failed Labour candidate Pat Kelly appointed to board of Scottish Water.
September 2003 - Harry McGuigan, a leading Lanarkshire Labour councillor appointed as a member of the Scottish Children’s Reporter Administration board.
November 2003 Margaret Hodge forced to resign over libelling Demetrious Panton
April 2004 Beverley Hughes resigns over Immigration scandal
February 2004 Labour criticised by Electoral Commission for late tendering of accounts
January 2004 - Revealed that Schlumberger hired disgraced special adviser Philip Chalmers to run the Scottish Tourist Board’s Visit Scotland website. The website is part of a Scottish Executive PFI contract
May 2004 Lord Drayson’s company wins non competitive tender contract after £50,000 donation to Labour
May 2004 - Failed Labour candidate Hugh Raven, a former parliamentary assistant to Peter Peacock, the education minister, awarded a £23,415 contract as a board member of Scottish Natural Heritage.
June 2004 - Willie Haughey, who has donated hundreds of thousands of pounds to the Labour party, appointed to the post of chairman of Scottish Enterprise Glasgow.
August 2004 August 2004 - Former Edinburgh Labour Provost Eric Milligan appointed Scotland’s "welcome czar" to the tourism industry. Although not paid a salary he receives expenses to travel the world.
October 2004 - Revealed that 70% of Scottish quango appointees have links to the Labour party.
December 2004 Oona King offered £10000 to bed Labour Euro MP.
January 2005 - Sarah Davidson, once an adviser to former Scottish secretary Helen Liddell, lands a £75,000-a-year job enforcing McConnell’s smoking ban. The new job was never advertised. She was the civil servant who presided over a £200m rise in the cost of Holyrood before taking a six-month sabbatical to travel round the world.
January 2005 Candy Atherton’s researcher digs for gay Tory dirt
January 2005 - Jack McConnell fails to register a holiday at the Spanish villa of BBC broadcaster Kirsty Wark.
February 2005 Cherie Blair embarks on lucrative Australian speaking tour.
March 2005 Labour charges £200 for candidate contact details.
April 2005 - Brian Wilson MP’s final section on Register of Members’ Interests shows directorships and advisory roles to renewable energy firms. As Energy Minister he promoted renewable energy
April 2005 - Revealed that Jack McConnell met with Labour donor Willie Haughey to discuss compensation on a land deal where the M74 would pass through Haughey’s property. Initial compensation of £7.4 million rose to £16.5 million.
May 2005 Birmingham Labour Party accused over post voting irregularities.
June 2005 Cherie Opens Shopping centre for Malaysian millionaire
June 2005 Labour MSP Ken MacIntosh resigns over non declaration of financial interests
June 2005 Cherie Blair cashes in on Tony’s Washington trip.
July 2005 - Defeated Labour MP David Stewart gets job with the publicly funded SCVO only two months after losing his seat.
August 2005 - Revealed that disgraced former Scottish Executive special adviser, Phil Chalmers, is heading up a bid by French IT firm Atos Origin to secure some of the ID card contracts.
September 2005 Michael Watson MSP blamed for arson.
October 2005 Blunkett resigns over links to DNA firm
October 2005 Cherie Gets £100,000 for "charity" speaking tour
October 2005 Stephen Byers apologies for lieing over Railtrack.
March 2006 - Defeated Labour MP Calum MacDonald gets publicly paid job as Forestry Commissioner
March 2006 Tessa Jowell & husband
March 2006 Peerages for Cash
March 2006 Prescott pays no Council tax
March 2006 Margaret Beckett’s Royal Flights
February 2006 Ken Livingstone loses Standards Board appeal over anti-Jewish remarks.
April 2006 Cameron MacIntosh says he was offered Peerage for loan
April 2006 Peter Law’s ’peerage’
April 2006 Charles Clarke & the failed deportations
April 2006 John Prescott’s Affair(s)
April 2006 Cherie Blair’s hairdressing bill
April 2006 - Jack McConnell under pressure over breaking the ministerial code of conduct by giving public backing to a luxury golf resort planned by Donald Trump which could prejudice the planning process for the development
April 2006 - Revealed that Jack McConnell met with furniture tycoon Robert Morris over compensation to relocate his factory on the route of the M74 extension. The £35million was more than double the original compensation offer….

 Etc….Etc…….Etc……..

The problem with all this is that when the public are subjected to this level of corruption, when politicians get caught out on a lie it has a disastrous effect on society in general. In short, people start thinking it’s perfectly ok to lie their little heads off over just about anything. Bullshit here in the UK has reached epidemic proportions; some people are so deluded they fervently believe their own lies to be the truth. I suppose if you keep repeating a lie it becomes the truth? This is a syndrome suffered by politicians of course but it filters down. Look at football, how many times have you seen a footballer adamantly deny any wrong doing despite his actions being witnessed by 50 million people? Most people won’t admit fault even if you have their privates in a vice, it’s what I now call Blair Syndrome (BS). Whatever happened to ’an Englishman’s word is his bond’?

The prelude to all this as far as I am concerned was that the Blair/Brown Government were elected on an ocean of deception and media manipulation. As a result the perception was that, when elected, Labour would return to certain Socialist values and bring at least a few of the large utility companies back into public ownership. One of the sideshows in the run-up to the 97 election was Air Traffic Control and the slogan ’our air is not for sale’. Did they re-nationalise it when elected? Did they fuck! They had no intention of re-nationalising anything. The one thing I would have supported is the re-nationalising of the water company, this didn’t happen either. This makes my fucking blood boil it really does. I’m so sick and tired of this continuing debate about the cost of water and how we must all conserve it. Jesus H *********! We live on a fucking island which is surrounded by fucking water where it fucking rains 365 fucking days a year! Why the fuck are we having to conserve water all of a sudden? Not only that, we are now paying ten times as much for the fucking stuff than we were just 15 years ago! WHY!!! The product is free at the point of source and much of the pipe-work is already in place, paid for by the public. People are so paranoid about water usage now they’ve actually stopped washing. It won’t be long before the simple act of mingling with the public will require a fucking space suit to protect you from the smell! Still, that’s progress for you. The other day I got caught up in a queue, that’s so British isn’t it; I nearly passed out with the odour emanating from this old duffer. These days if you need a bath it would be cheaper to crack open and tip a bottle of Moet Chandon over you rather than open a fucking tap. This water cost paranoia has simply got to stop otherwise I’m gonna bust a blood vessel! ….

Local Government

Anyway, in my Grandfathers day perhaps ironically for him it was usually the socialist Government that sought to interfere and over-tax people so as to fund various failing nationalised industries. These days it’s not so much central Government, although I do find some of the stuff they are up to e.g. ID cards, an unbelievable intrusion into ones private affairs. Anyway, now, much of what use to be the responsibility of central Government has been delegated to local councils in which many of its employees would ironically not be out of place in a Nazi party…To these Government employees there is no ’spirit of the law’, only the letter, when it suits them!…and that letter can be manipulated to suite whatever purpose. Our local Government offices are more like a mini Kremlin rather than anything dreamt-up by Oliver Cromwell. They have an ’Officer’ for just about everything, pot-holes in the road – you name it.

Example 1

Some of you may have noticed in my pics section here on MySpace that I own an old American RV (Motorhome). I think the main reason I love it, given the fact I’m known for occasional bouts of obstinate perversity, is because people here in the UK absolutely fucking hate it. I’ve had people actually waving their fists at me for no apparent reason other than pure jealousy as far as I can make out. Either that or its hatred aided and abetted by the motoring celebrity Jeremy Clarkson who has a phobia about caravans and motorhomes because he *thinks* that they’re responsible for causing all traffic jams? Au contraire Jeremy, as it happens my experience is the exact opposite; every time I venture out I’m nearly always held-up by other road users in cars, Rovers usually, driven by old men in caps, usually, fuckers.

Anyroadup, one day I saw two people sniffing around outside casually taking photographs of the RV. I of course went out to confront/enquire as to their purpose. It turned out the two people were in fact council employees ’Planning Officers’, that has a certain third Reich ring to it, do you not think?  - OFFICERS…That’s what they call themselves. let me clarify/reiterate: an unannounced official visit, taking photographs, on private property! The fucking cheek of it! What a shame I don’t live in America coz I could’ve shot both critters and be given an award for services to the community. Anyway, apparently one or several of my so-called neighbours (gutless bastards) have complained to the local Council about my RV. It seems the Council are obliged to investigate every complaint because if they do not investigate they could be held liable for any damages. Naturally, on hearing this bombshell I became argumentative and ordered them to stop taking photo’s immediately and explain themselves in full. Well of course this was asking too much but during the course of this unfolding altercation it became apparent that I was not dealing with Stephen Fry. It seems the Council in their infinite wisdom have decided that I am contravening planning regulations. When I asked in what form does this transgression take? said Planning Officer was unable to answer, it seems the very sight of it annoys them……he noticed it was hooked-up to electricity, this is to keep the batteries charged, but there was no-way I was going to tell him that, it’s none of his fucking business! He said, "You’re using it!" I said, "Well if you had a motorhome would you not use it"? He replied: "I wouldn’t have one". This was like arguing with a fucking teenager and what’s infinitely worse is that I am paying this fuckers wages! No no no, what’s infinitely worse is that good honest men died for these fuckers to exist in the first place…

Example 2

As some of you may know I recently had occasion to visit Plymouth, very nice too, the Cornish side that is. Unfortunately the visit was somewhat marred by the fact that I was given confusing directions by a friend who assumed I would be approaching Plymouth from Exeter. Anyway, as it turns out I ended up going the wrong way and when I realised I had made a mistake I attempted to turn around, this meant crossing a ’white line’ in the middle of the road. Unfortunately all this was captured on CCTV and I will no-doubt receive a fixed penalty fine through the post as a result. The following day I had to make a specific journey to the Post Office to inform the Government that a vehicle of mine was no longer in use (off road) this is known as a SORN (Statutory Off Road Notification) declaration. I am legally charged with the responsibility of informing the Government that I’m ’not doing something’. The next day I received a letter from the BBC threatening me with legal action for not having a television…I’m not making this up by the way; trust me (that’s the politician in me coming out) this is just the very tip of the fucking iceberg.

Freedom?

I don’t know about the US but here in the UK our freedoms are rapidly disappearing, freedoms that people have actually died for are now gone, probably forever. I wonder how many of our soldiers would have bothered to fight if they knew that in a little over 50 years Rolls Royce would be owned by the Germans (and nothing wrong with that) and that Muslim Sharia law would be introduced in parts of Britain, and that many of our inner cities would be no-go areas. Not forgetting of course that Germany ends up being the richest nation in Europe and Japan the second richest on earth.

The point I am trying to make is that there seems to be no give and take, no room for manoeuvre in today’s rigid world of regulation and laws. This is brought into sharp focus when encountering anyone in a position of power. If this is democracy then you can stick it up your arse. We’d all be much better off living in a military dictatorship run by Sir Henry Wylde-Bore Smith. And by the way, don’t ever let anyone tell you we live in a ’democracy’. Your vote will not count; it will make absolutely no difference to anything whatsoever, if it did, they’d scrap it. As I said in a previous blog we live in a shaftocracy, one momentary lapse in concentration etc. Actually I think we live in deathocracy. There are millions of elderly people whose voting habits are determined on the basis of who’s going to give them a painless death? Further more there is no ’freedom of speech’ you cannot say what you like without falling foul of the law, especially when it comes to religion (blasphemy). The reason for this is that we live in a so-called multicultural society whereby people’s sensitivity has literally gone off the fucking chart.

Progress?

The call for *change* is one of the favourite soap-box slogans used by all politicians. What does it mean exactly, change/progress – progress/change…what it means is that the reason things need to change is because they fucked it up to start with. All political manifestos are built on the so-called need for change.

The other day I stumbled across a local town guide dated 1947. I couldn’t believe it; the place was really quite beautiful. I think Charles Kingsley described it as the little white town, it’s now known as the brown blob of shite, thanks to various local politicians, corrupt local councilors and property developers who get themselves on the planning committees.

In Cornwall, and here in Devon you can’t move for Londoners, they’re all desperate to vacate an area of the country that they themselves have totally ruined and by doing so find themselves being party to the destruction of their chosen destination. I live in what use to be a beautiful part of the country, a place where the said Londoner came on holiday. Well not any more, such is the extent of migration it’s all starting to look like Swindon on particularly shite day. Huge ugly housing estates are emerging. Politicians call this progress, I call it destruction. What’s needed is regress!

Here I am suggesting regress when the Government seem to be harking back to Roman times and appear to be sanctioning female cage fighting. Hardly surprising then, that in a recent survey it found that English and Scottish women are the most violent on the planet. Probably the most foul-mouthed as well. I’m not saying that my previous English girlfriends were hard but they could easily crack walnuts with their eyelids. Of course the worrying aspect of all this is that men, in their infinite wisdom, will feel the urge to up-the-anti in order to maintain a respectable differential. They’ll soon be carrying their testicles around in a wheelbarrow, this being a side effect of having applied too much nob enlargement cream. I have to admit, I am fast becoming ashamed and embarrassed by the British. If someone were to ask me for a British character reference I would probably recommend that they watch that TV program ’The Apprentice’ with Sir Alan Sugar, just to start with. There was a woman on that program that became known as ’super bitch’, she actually came from the town where I live. It gets worse, there’s a woman that lives opposite me that would give super bitch a real run for her money…..I suppose politicians at the end of the day reflect the people who elected them, so no wonder they’re a bunch of arseholes.

Devolution or Evolution

Here in the *United* Kingdom, well l I say United it’s hardly that, thanks to the politicians, Scotland want to be separate from England as do Wales and most of Northern Ireland, not to mention Cornwall or Kernow as it’s known. I love the Cornish, I love it because the *black economy* is thriving and as a consequence drives the authorities to complete distraction. Piracy, tiz een the blud bouy! I suppose this is why jokes like, what do you call a Cornishman in a suit? Answer – Defendant - exists.

The UK is clearly a much divided nation, my question is where’s all this going to end? I mean it won’t be long before places like Bury St Edmonds insist on acquiring their own nuclear deterrent and if recent reports on the failure of multi-culture are anything to go by, I wouldn’t blame them. Talking of which, all current UK politicians are banging on about how lucky we all are to be living in a *multi-cultural society* and we should be celebrating our differences etc. then in the next breath they tell us that these people, the foreigners presumably, need to undergo tests in order to determine their ’Britishness’, fuck-knows what that is? As I understand it the main concern is that they don’t speak English. I would have thought that if you celebrate diversity part of that diversity is language, other cultures communicate in their own language. This is surely cultural diversity at its most basic? By seeking to deny this basic level you have to ask just how multi-cultural are we? Its obvious to me that when you try and integrate people with extreme cultural differences this is a recipe for total belligerence on all sides. In other words it seems that true multi-culture is having real difficulties, and that’s putting it mildly. Notwithstanding, a society made up of various nationalities whereby the common denominator is the culture and language of the adopted country would clearly be more harmonious, for the indigenous population at any rate.

This rather obvious supposition appears to be completely lost on the Arch Bishop of Canterbury who recently advocated the introduction of Sharia law into British society. This is nothing more than a perpetuation of the ’us and them’ society. Also, just to exacerbate the malcontent, the divide between the rich and poor has never been greater, under a Labour Government I might add. When Jeremy Paxman interviewed Blair the question of the said financial divide was put to him, Blairs answer was to say that it’s better to bring the bottom layer up than the top layer down: now how fucking deluded is that?

As you probably know, devolution is devolving power from central Government to regional assemblies. Scotland has procured its own Parliament which has some minor legislative powers. The Holyrood building alone cost 420 million. Wales has an assembly, which is just a talking shop and now there’s talk of a north England assembly. And then there’s the Northern Ireland assembly, how much is that costing I wonder? All this means yet more politicians (jobs for the boys) more pointless laws, rules and regulations. It has to, otherwise what are they going to be doing with their time? I suppose they could all sit around discussing their expense accounts. I’m told that the allowances are incredibly generous; they can even claim £750 for a television for their second home!

Anyway, it seems to me that devolution and multi-culture have a problem; the two ideas are clearly incompatible, especially for those areas of Britain that want a complete break with England. They want cultural diversity provided the English don’t have a say in their affairs. This is clearly racist and sort of bizarre really when you consider how small the British Isles are. Of course I am referring to Scotland where people have had this abject hatred of the English ever since the battle of Culloden. I am part Scottish by the way; my ancestors fought the last clan feud in Scotland. These people were fucking mad! Hmmm, so that’s where I get it from? Anyway, given that people here in the UK are unable to agree a political way forward why do they think they are best placed to organise Europe? This is another incompatibility or contradiction, a united Europe and a completely divided UK thanks to devolution. Here you have an island mentality, what’s needed is about 20 million years of evolution before any of this is going to work, but in the meantime……..

The Solution

I suspect you all think I’m an anarchist, not a bit of it, I mean all groups or collections of people have a leader of some sort don’t they, tribes have a chief and so on, and by the way, I have a short message for the person who replies with "ah yes but the remote Iggywumba tribe in Papaya New Guinea runs on a non hierarchical system". – FUCK OFF!!!

As I said I’m not an anarchist but they do say the best form of Government is ’benevolent dictatorship’. What I do know is that professional politicians of all variety do not have the answers. So, what is the answer? Well, I think we should reinstate the Royals. What is Parliament for anyway? Unless they use what is known as the ’Parliament act’ all legislation has to be passed by the largely un-elected House of Lords. Of course Blair and his cronies have tried to make it more democratic but is it, is it bollocks! Personally I think old Guy Fawkes had the right idea anyway, and incidentally I object to the November 5^th bon-fire night celebrations, purely on the grounds that Fawkes failed in his attempt, that and it upsets animals. Why on earth celebrate the fact he failed? Why this is treasonable talk! I don’t think so; in any case I am a Royalist, a cavalier. So, I think it’s time to abolish Parliament and re-instate the royals. Imagine it, Prince Charles in charge, now admittedly there are bound to be a few teething problems, the odd mad idea, but the point is there would be significantly fewer! And if Parliament is to remain then the reigning monarch should at least have authority over it. You know, back to pre-civil war times. I quite like the idea of King Charles marching on Parliament to dissolve it every time they come up with a fucking stupid idea.

Blimey, he’d wear is fucking boots out. Anyway, it seems the ex attorney general Lord Goldsmith and Gordon Brown agree with me. In a report they both commissioned it is being recommended that school-leavers should be encouraged to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen. Lord Goldsmith says it would give teenagers a sense of belonging. Presumably this would precede sending them off to Afghanistan?

The Royals of course are also removed from reality in much the same way our beloved politicians are but in a more naive eccentric way, I think. I recently witnessed a somewhat surreal interview with Prince Harry who said that all his dreams have come true now that he’s been deployed in Afghanistan to fight the Taliban. I imagine that it must be so much more fun to actually get to shoot some people rather than ’this and that’ on his dad’s estate? I must admit to being, how should I put this, slightly amused when there he was in full battle dress looking like Rambo on steroids, in the middle of what I presumed to be a desert, he casually says’ it’s so nice to feel normal’. I know what you mean Harry…<