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The Hillbilly Bible



Last Updated: 10/26/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 40
Sign: Sagittarius

City: Memphis
State: Tennessee
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/21/2007

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

When I'm scared, I'm just gonna up and trust in you.  (Psalm 56:3, The Hillbilly Bible)

The pitcher that ye git a King David when ye read Samuel is a whole lot diff'ernt than the one ye git when ye read Psalms.  When ye read Samuel you git what's goin' on on the outside, when ye read Psalms ye git what's goin' on on the inside.  I'm so glad King David wrote the Psalms!  If it wud'n fer the Psalms we would'n know that when King David was doin' all that courageous Kingly stuff, he was scared outta his wits!  On the outside he was conquerin', but on the inside he was cowerin'.  What a revelation!

Here we have one of the most manly men ever and he is scared to death.  I'm the same way, y'all.  I can remember days when I was just scared to death to git outta bed!  What a comfort to me it is to know that one of my heroes, King David, was just like me.  Scared.

But ye know what, King David did'n STAY scared and you and me won't neither if'n we know where to git our courage.  When King David got scared, he marched straight in to his heavenly Daddy, and said  "Daddy, I'm scared!  Protect me, Daddy!"  And ye know what happened next?  A good ole fashioned butt-whoopin'!!!!

No, not fer King David!  The Philistines got a butt whoopin'!!!  Goliath got a butt whoopin'!!!  All the enemies of Israel got their tales kicked from here to Baldknob, Arkansas when David drew courage from his Daddy in heaven.  When King David went in to git courage from the Lord, it was like when Popeye eats Spinach!

It ain't no diff'ernt fer you and me.  Our Daddy in heaven loves his kids somethin' fierce!  He'll fight fer ye!  He'll give ye courage!  He'll open up a can on yer enemies!  That's just the kinda Daddy we got, y'all.  If'n ye don't know Him, taste and see.  He's a lot better than Spinach.

Stevie Rey is the author of The Hillbilly Bible.


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The Hillbilly Bible: John's Book
By Stevie Rey
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
Grace Vittles

By and by, the young son just up and scooped up all 'ees stuff, took off to fer-piece- land and frittered away ever'thang on partyin' hearty.  (Luke 15:13, The Hillbilly Bible)

Y'all ever played the prodigal son? I done it a few hunnerd times or so in my life. You'd think I'd a learned my lesson by now, but I got a head that so hard if ye whittled it to a point ye could cut diamonds.  One time NASA come and asked me if they could clone the stuff from my hard head to coat the space shuttle.  Apparently, stories concernin' the impenetrable nature a my noggin' has reached the upper echelons a the space agency.

Playin' the prodigal is kindly fun 'til ye git to the part where yer hungry.  I don't know 'bout y'all but this here hillbilly likes to eat!  I like fried ever'thang.  If'n ye was to fry up this here laptop with just the right sauces and spices and such, I'd scarf it down like a hound on a hot dawg.  But I don't like bein' hungry.  When yer hungry, ye git desperate.  Don't ye know that there young son got so desperate he wanted to set down with the peegs and and eat!  Now that's hungry, y'all!!!  Peegs is nasty!

Oh, what a wunnerful feelin' to come home and eat with Daddy, though. Daddy's got all the best fried foods.  Folks, comin' home to yer heavenly Daddy is just the same as in this story.  Daddy loves y'all.  Daddy knows how to barbecue and fry ever'thang up just so's to make yer mouth water!  Daddy misses y'all.   Daddy has got some Grace Vittles simmerin' on the stove fer ye.  Come on home now.  Ain't no party in no fer-piece-land as good as the one Daddy's got planned fer ye.


Stevie Rey is The author of The Hillbilly Bible.



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Wednesday, October 07, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

...And I pray that y'all with deep, unshakable roots in love, would have p'ar together with all them there saints to really git a handle on how The Messiah's love stretches from way back there to way out yonder, far as the eye can see.  (Ephesians 3:17-18, The Hillbilly Bible)

God's love sounds kindly like a fish story don't it.  God's love ain't no fish story, y'all. He really does love us like that.  God's love is real big. It's bigger than some folk, alot of folks, can grasp. Religion is too little fer God's love. It's busts right outta that box.

I'm very careful 'bout the preachers I listen to, y'all. They's some bad ones out there. They got to have a good handle on God's grace, His love, fer me to listen to 'em.  My ole Pastor used to say, "You ain't never outside of God's intensive care".  That's true, y'all!  And don't you know that old man could tell me to do anything and I would do it because I knowed he loved me and I knowed God loved me.

I got me a brand new little girl, y'all. I would walk thew fire fer her...nekked...with lighter fluid poured on my hind end.  I would crawl over glass into a vat a rubbin' alcohol.  I would pour honey all over my head and wear a bee hive like a helmet.  I'd poke a sleepin' bear with a brandin' arn...y'all git the pitcher.

That's how much God loves you...times about infinity.
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Tuesday, October 06, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

And wherever he set foot- in all the little towns and villages or in the country- they brung sick folks to the Walmart. They begged 'eem to let 'em just please touch the fringes on 'ees robe and ever'body that touched 'eem was healed.  (Mark 6:56, The Hillbilly Bible)

One of the main things King Jesus done when He come the first time was to just up and heal ever'body a ever'thang ever'where he went. If'n that don't tell ye how God feels about human sufferin' then I reckon ye just ain't got yer ears on.

King Jesus cares. He wants us to bring our troubles and sicknesses and them there infirmities to 'eem. He wants us to trust enough to come.

That's what folks done way back yonder in Israel. He was so powerful that all folks had to do was just to touch 'ees clothes and they was healed right then and there!  Does King Jesus still have that kinda power?  You bet yer bottom dollar He shore does!

One time I was sick, real sick y'all. I was a bleedin', hurtin', losin' weight. I could'n even eat nuthin without my innerds feelin' like somebody punched me in the gut. I was afraid I was gonna die. That's right. Big ole strappin', tater eatin', Stevie Rey, what with all the big muscles and such (****smile****) was ailin' somethin' fierce. I weighed 'bout a buck fiddy and ye could see my bones right thew my ribs.  Awwww, I was real bad sick y'all.  I remember layin' on the floor and tellin' my Daddy with tears in my eyes..."Daddy, I don't wanna die."

Well, y'all. Apparently my heavenly Daddy heard that prayer too, cuz here I am. Last night I ate a Burrito as big as yer head and it did'n even phase me.  That's my King, y'all. He's a Hillbilly Healer.

If'n y'all got somebody that's sick, let us know so's we can pray fer 'em right cheer. I love y'all and King Jesus loves ye too.

Stevie Rey is the author of The Hillbilly Bible.


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Saturday, October 03, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.' If this report gets to the governor, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble." So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.  (Matthew 28: 12-15, NIV)

Folks just love conspiracy theories and cover-ups these days, y'all.  If it wud'n The Masons, it was The Knights Templar, and if it wud'n them it was the Illuminati.  Somebody done covered it up!  I don't know what IT is, but when I find out it's gonna change the world!  Folks is gonna put their pants on over their heads and commence to drinkin' coffee thew their noses!  Ever'thangs gonna change!

I kid with y'all, but did ye know that the Bible records a real live conspiracy that some folks believe to this day!?  What happened was that the Jewish Religious leaders made up a story when they found out The Messiah had done been resurrected.  They said that the disciples had done stole the body!

That's like sayin' "Tell 'em that Pee Wee Herman broke in and stole the Mona Lisa"...utter hawgwash!  First of all, the disciples was shakin' in their boots, runnin' scared.  They ain't gonna steal no body.  Second of all, the body was guarded by battle hardened Roman soldiers under penalty of death!  They ain't gonna fall asleep. And even if one fell asleep, all of 'em ain't gonna fall asleep!

Nope. It's just plain malarkey, bologna, BS (brussel sprouts)!  That body was resurrected like King Jesus foretold. It ain't nowhere on this earth!  But it will be soon!  Don't miss it y'all! The Return of The Messiah!  Comin' to a planet near you!  Don't believe the conspiracy theories. Y'all got more sense than that.




Stevie Rey is the author of The Hillbilly Bible.


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Friday, October 02, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

But as fer me, my feet had almost got tangled up, I done almost slipped and fell out.  On account a I was jealous a highfalutin' folks when I saw them bad apples was livin' high on the hog.  (Psalm 73:2-3, The Hillbilly Bible)

It's so easy to git off track in this here Christian life, y'all. I'm a feller who has always believed that attitude was ever'thang. I pride myself on keepin' a positive attitude and I let it slip...not just fer a day, fer a whole season!  WHAT IN TARNATION!!!  How can that happen?  The answer is that it can happen to the best of us, y'all.  Just like it happened to King David.

Ye know how it comes?  One way it comes is from bein' covetous...now that's just a big ole word fer wantin' stuff that ain't yers. Shewwy. I been bad about that lately. And that's exactly how ole Slew Foot got me....just like he got ole King David, 3000 years ago.

The answer is to be content with what ye got. If'n yer like me, ye got ever'thang ye need, and prob'ly even some stuff ye want!  That's called blessed y'all. You know what else it takes.  Here comes that "H" word again...humility.  It takes sayin' to yerself "Yeah, things could be better, but look at all the stuff I DO have"...in other words, count yer blessin's.  And if'n ye got yer health, ye don't even have to look no further. That there is reason enough to up and daince a jig!




Stevie Rey is the author of The Hillbilly Bible.



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Thursday, October 01, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

But them folks that wait on the good Lord will git some new muscles.  They's gonna fly like them there eagles.  They's gonna run and not git woreslapout.  They's gonna walk and not git woozy and fall out. (Isaiah 40:31, The Hillbilly Bible)

Often times I'm just like them there young 'uns with my heavenly Daddy, always askin'...

"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"

Y'all ever had a young 'un do that to ye?  Almost ever'body has, I reckon.

Not too long ago I asked the Good Lord why it was so dad-burned important that we have to "Wait" all the time.  It's in the good book just about ever page. Wait on this.  Wait on that. Wait, wait, wait.  I'm tarred a waitin' Lord!  I won't it now!

That's the great thing 'bout havin' a relationship with the God a the universe..where he lives right there in yer heart.  Ye can ask 'eem stuff, and he'll just up and answer ye!  WHAT IN TARNATION!

Anyway, here's what he told me.  Y'all prob'ly already knowed this, but I'm kinda slow.  It's all about humility.  And if'n I had to name one thing that Jesus folk in America is missin' these days it would be humility...that's includin' this ole hillbilly y'all.

When we wait on the Good Lord, it's an act a submission, an act a humility. We're sayin' ...

Oh alright, Lord.  I'll wait. I won't it now, but since when did I ever know what I won'ted or whether it was any good fer me!  So, okay.  You win.  Yer God and I ain't so I'll wait.

Ye see how that takes humility. It's a good thang.When ye got humility, ye feel lower'n a snakes belly, under a rock, at the bottom a the Dead Sea. And as it turns out that ain't such a bad place to be after all.

Stevie Rey is The arthur of The Hillbilly Bible.
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Wednesday, September 30, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

But when he heard ole Lazarus was ailin', he just up and stayed put fer two more days. (John 11:6, The Hillbilly Bible)

I reckon the most awesome thing about King Jesus fer me ain't the heaven stuff.  Oh, I know it will be when I git there, but fer me that ain't the most awesome thing "right now".  I'm a "right now" kinda guy...along with most a the rest a the world, I reckon.  I wanna know how this whole Jesus thing is gonna benefit me "right now", not in year 4769.

The most awesome thing fer me "right now" is that I got a 24/7 Therapist. That's right, y'all!  And I need it!  On account a sometimes I feel like my turnips ain't in full bloom!  That's one a them times that I needs to lie down on the couch and talk to The Therapist!  One a the names the Bible calls King Jesus is "wunnerful counselor".  That's just dandy, y'all.  I got me a 24/7 Therapist!

Y'all know what The Wunnerful Counselor taught me?  He taught me that life ain't no emergency, it's a journey, and he taught me to enjoy the journey.  Lemme pontificate fer a spell.

See y'all, we human beans tend to see ever'thang as a emergency and The Messiah tends to see 'nuthin' as an emergency, not even impendin' death, as in the case a His buddy Lazarus.  See y'all, God ain't got no emergencies!  An emergency is when somethin' bad is fixin' to happen that cain't be undone.  See why God don't have no emergencies!  There ain't nuthin' bad that can happen that He cain't undo!

When ole Lazarus died somethin' bad happened, but King Jesus wud'n in hurry cuz He knowed His Daddy could undo anything bad that might happen.  Ain't that cool!  So, let's do some hillbilly logic here...if'n God ain't got no emergencies, and you belong to Him then YOU ain't go no emergencies! 

So quit runnin' 'round afraid like a chicken with yer head cut off. RELAX.  No emergencies. Now, ain't that enough to make yer turnips bloom.




Stevie Rey is The Author of The Hillbilly Bible.


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Tuesday, September 29, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

Ah ight then, y'all don't worry 'bout tomorrow, on account a tomorrow's gonna have enough to worry 'bout when ye git to it.   Today's got enough trouble without ye worryin' 'bout tomorrow too. (Matthew 6:34, The Hillbilly Bible)


I'm a people watcher, y'all. I observe. I think all writers do that. Y'all know what I have observed to be the most consistent sin that folks do?  Worry. 

Some folks is so addicted to worryin',  that if they don't have nuthin' to worry 'bout they make some stuff up!  That goes back to our need to be in control.  Boy, are we human beans a bunch a control freaks.  We somehow think that worryin' is gonna change things. And it does change some stuff.

It changes how much hair ye got on our head. It changes your blood pressure. It changes our relationships fer the worse. It changes your purdy young face to a snarly, wrinkled ole sour puss.

That's the kinda stuff ye change with worryin'...not yer circumstances, dear heart.  As I live on, I reckon more and more that the stuff we call trials really would'n be trials at all if we'd just up and trust God.  Is that a revelation or did I just eat them turnip greens too late last night, y'all?

So don't worry none, dear heart. King Jesus has it all under control. Cain't nuthin' git to you that don't gotta go thew Him.
 

Stevie Rey is The arthur of The Hillbilly Bible.


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Friday, September 25, 2009 

Category: Religion and Philosophy
The Hillbilly Blog

I don't want y'all to be ig'nernt a this here mystery, bros, so that ye don't git the big head: Israel has done got a little bit hard hearted fer a spell until the full harvest a Gentiles has come in. Before we're done though, all Israel is gonna come on home... (Romans 25-26, The Hillbilly Bible)

In the Old Testament God was just plumb in love with the people of Israel. He doted on 'em. He protected 'em. He give 'em vittles to eat in the wilderness. He gave 'em the promised land.  That was a long time ago.  The Messiah has come and Israel rejected Him. Why? Whole books have been written on that, y'all. It's part of the mystery a God's plan, but suffice it to say, it was done so's the Gentiles could have a chance fer salvation.

There's a winder a time fer that and that winder I believe is now closin'. So, what now? We done come full circle now. King Jesus, The Messiah still loves Israel and wants her to come on home. It's about time. It's only been 2000 years, y'all!

So, what do we say to Israel? How can a Jew believe in Jesus, The Messiah without losing everything...family, friends, yer place in Jewish society.  Well, it's gonna be hard, Israel.  It's gonna be the hardest thing y'all ever done. It's gonna take courage. Yer gonna have to be a rock n' roll rebel.  And ever'body is gonna think yer crazy. 

It don't matter.  Yer gonna gain much more than you lose. And if'n yer friends and family really love you, they'll come to terms with it eventually.  They may even follow you, but you've got to be leaders. Leaders take risks.  Leaders are rebels. 

So, the ball is in your court, Israel. You gotta figure out what to do with King Jesus, The Messiah. It ain't gonna be easy on ye, but He wants you to know that He still loves you. He wants you to be in His coming Kingdom. The Kingdom of Messiah, long prophesied fer centuries. It's comin'. This world is passin' away quickly. The Hillbilly King is comin' very soon. Are you ready to face the cornerstone that was rejected?

The stone that the builders rejected has now become
the cornerstone.  (Psalm 118:22, New Living Translation)




Stevie Rey is The Author of The Hillbilly Bible.

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