Well, it's been a while, but I'm back at last. We've had a family Christmas, followed by a short break at Center Parcs, from which we have just returned.

We went with a couple whom Mrs Berry and I have known for many years - in fact Mrs Berry went to school with - well, let's call her Leia. She was pregnant with Brat 2 when Leia married Han, and we've remained close friends ever since.

ON our first night, we decided that it would be nice to go out for a meal, and we picked the curry house. The brats had agreed to try a very mild curry, so we were all quite excited. We got to the restaurant. Yippee! It was half empty. Full of hope and expectation, in we went, only to be told that all the tables were fully booked. This was at just after 6pm, and some weren't going to be used until 7.30 or 8, but "that's the way the system works". And it works the same in all the other restaurants too.

So we decided to book a table for the following night, but were told that we couldn't book at the restaurant. We would have to go to a booking point. Beginning to get a little cheesed off by now, we ordered take out from the Indian and went in search of a booking point while we waited for it to be delivered.

The Welcome Centre and Information Desks are not booking points. When we eventually found one, we asked to book a table at the trendy new restaurant Cafe Rouge.

Can you imagine our disbelief when we were told that Cafe Rouge is the only restaurant which you can't book at the booking point. You can't even ring them. You have to book in person. And we'd been there just a few minutes earlier.

By this point, we were beginning to feel as though we'd landed up in a sitcom. Han and I were looking for the hidden cameras. He walked back to Cafe Rouge to book, while Leia and I stayed at the booking point to book a session of ten pin bowling.

But this wasn't the end of the story. When Han got back, he told us he'd asked to book a table at 6.45. They said they couldn't do that. He would have to book one at 6, but then it would be ours for the entire evening. "So although I don't want the table until 6.45, I can book it for 6 and then not turn up until 6.45?" "That's correct."

We get the distinct impression that Center Parcs is on a downward slide.

 

Happy New Year!

I received an email from In The Library Reviews this morning. They've written a short review of Erotic Tales 2, and my Nightgirl story was one fo the few they pulled out for a special mention! Also featured was MySpace great friend Sommer Marsden. Double Yay!

Here's the review:

Reviewer: Lisa Lambrecht

Erotic Tales 2 - a collection of 31 erotic stories and poems from some of today's most talented authors of erotica.

Fantasy becomes reality when a long distance friendship turns into a hot sensuous affair in person in Better than Brazil by Gwen Masters.

A young woman decides to become a super heroine but will she meet her match when she comes up against a super villain in Nightgirl-The Prisoner of Brenda by H.L. Berry?

A Taste of Italy by Sommer Marsden showcases a woman coming out of a hurtful relationship and swearing off the opposite sex and meeting the man of her dreams.

After being taken hostage, a woman realizes what's been missing in her life in The Hostage by Andrea Glenn.

A woman gets more than she bargains for when she agreed to help her friend out in Nice Kitty Kat by Michelle Houston.

These are just a few of the wonderful stories in this anthology. All the stories in this anthology are a must read. Erotic Tales 2 is a book filled with sensual, exciting and erotic stories that will leave you feeling hot and bothered and panting with lust. This anthology opens the imagination to all the sensual spices life has to offer each of us. The authors did an outstanding job with stories and poems that are unique, romantic and erotic. I gladly recommend this anthology.

You can find the original here.

I have been receiving lots more message from girls who are really boys. Meet Deb

who is a 19-year-old man from New Mexico. (S)he wrote me the same message as Thuy.

And this is the delightfully-named Felicitas, a 24 year-old guy who hails from Idaho.

You'd never know, to look at them, would you? It's almost miraculous what surgeons can do these days.

Felicitas had this to say:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa

hi, wanna to see erogenous girls broadcasting from their bedchambers? CLICK HERE

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa

 I'm tempted to go there just to see what an erogenous girl looks like. Alas, as with my previous blog, if you click this link expecting to see erogenous girls, you'll find yourself instead reading the slightly erotic ramblings of a grumpy old man. Me.

I wrote the following message to the original 'girl' Thuy, but have yet to receive a reply. No surprises there, then.

Dear Thuy

Thank you so much for your kind, if slightly incoherent, offer. I'd love to take you up, but I'd just like to clarify something. Although you appear to be a girl, your profile says that you are a guy! Are you what is known as a 'T-girl'?

Thanks!

Huck xxx

I received another odd message today. This is Thuy:

"So what, Huck?" I hear you cry. "You're such a good-looking and sexy guy, you're always receiving messages from beautiful young ladies asking you to do naughty things with them."

Well, in this case you'd be wrong, because according to this person's profile, 'she' is in fact an eighteen-year-old male! Maybe (s)he is a 't-girl'. Think I'll find out before I click the link in the message, which said:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa
hi, wanna to sex girls broadcasting from their rooms? CLICK HERE

I have no idea what the 'aaa's mean. By the way, I've changed the link, so if you do click on this expecting to see sex girls in their rooms, you'll be disappointed to end up on my website. While you're there, why not read a story. LOL.

Take a look at this picture. Notice anything?



No, not the fancy wallpaper, or Mrs Berry's mysterious mask. Not my unkempt hair.

My belt! It's blue! Last night I had another karate grading, and got my blue belt. It was a lot of fun, if a little tiring, and I feel pretty proud of myself.

Mind you, the pressure was really on, because the brats graded a couple of weeks ago. Brat 2 got her orange belt and Brat 1 his blue. He would have been insufferable if I hadn't passed, a bit like me when I win at Monopoly...

Hie Yah!!

The nights are drawing in, and now I need to use my headlamps on the way to and from work.

Unfortunately, it's also the time of year at which a considerable number of people decide that their cars would look really, really cool if they turned on their high intensity fog lamps as well as their headlamps.

Well, I have news for those people. It doesn't make you look cool! It makes you look like an idiot.

I don't know why manufacturers fit these useless accessories. They are precious little good even when it is actually foggy. When it's not, they are irritating, and when it's raining they are downright dangerous with the dazzle they cause on a wet windscreen.

What I need are some very small, light-guided missiles that will head for the brightest light source and destroy it. Can anyone help?

I'm pretty sure that using fog lamps when it's not foggy contravenes some rule or regulation, but of course our police force have far better things to do than stop dangerous behaviour.

Life would be so much duller without anything to moan about.

Guess what. I have another story at Ruthies Clubthis week. Room 13 is dark and disturbing, with a particularly nasty twist. Dare you open the door?

The Century Hotel is an archetypal, quaint town hotel, but inside its doors Room 13 holds a sinister secret. Amanda Jones, travel writer, may be about to become its latest unwitting victim.

There's super artwork by Tzratzk - an artist who obviously reads the stories he's illustrating, and in the same issue you'll find another intriguing story by MySpace friend Mat Twassel. Mat is always worth a read.

Keep watching this space. If you're a fan of Nightgirl, I have her latest story almost ready to go!

The small print
You know the drill by now. Don't go to Ruthies Club if you're not old enough to drink, smoke or have sex. Subscription required...zzzzzzzzz

...Gunpowder, treason and plot.

On this day in 1605, Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators failed in their attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament, and ever since, we have commemorated the day with bonfires and fireworks. How very British is the celebration of failure.

Usually, fireworks displays are held on the weekend closest to Guy Fawkes Night, and this year was no exception. Mrs Berry and I took the brats to the Baildon village display on Saturday evening.

Well.

They say that things were better in the old days. Even nostalgia isn't what it used to be. But fireworks just keep on improving. When I was a nipper, the best we could hope for was a feeble rocket or two, Traffic Lights and maybe, if we were really lucky, the amusingly-named Golden Shower.

Nowadays, they are awe-inspiringly good. My particular favourite was a rocket that shot up, exploded with a thunderous report and left a cloud of golden sparks hanging in the sky for maybe ten seconds, like a gigantic chandelier.

We could also get hot pork pies, covered with mushy peas and mint sauce. Mmmm.

My title refers to a traditonal verse about the event:

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up King and Parliament.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Happy Halloween, everybody! The brats and I made these Jack O'Lanterns last weekend. I was a very good parent and helped them with the sharp knives. Not a single injury was sustained. I think they look pretty effective.

However, just see what happens when we dim the lights. All of a sudden, they are transformed into something much more sinister. Terrifying ghouls, burning with the fires of hell.



Well, okay, more like burning with the fires of two small tealights, but they should still send a shiver down the spines of any trick or treaters we get visiting.

Have a spooky day!

I logged in this morning to find not one but two messages in my Inbox. Both of them were from beautiful young ladies. This is Hermelinda:

And this is Mimi:

Lovely, aren't they? Now here's the weird part. When I opened the messages, I found that both of them had said exactly the same thing! What are the odds of that, eh? Here's the message. I have no idea what the strange line of code in the middle means. I may have to write to Dan Brown and ask him to decipher it.

hi,

H.L. Berry

h6azclKupFd9VY1FufQQTsnmaFXJTAgvX8aViC3gf5KLBjA2ViPnL bmVSeeCKyhd8

I've seen your pix in ur profile and thought you were really cute. I'm new on myspace and dont really know what the hell I'm doing so I hope you get this message .I'm on my WebCam right now, do you want to chat with me? CLICK HERE to find me!

Well, you know me, I can never resist a pretty lady, so I decided to reply. Unfortunately, Hermelinda's profile has been deleted, so my hopes rest on Mimi. I just hope it goes better than my previous MySpace loves, who sent me lots of beguiling pictures then broke my heart when it turned out that they were only after my money.