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~HK~



Last Updated: 5/24/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 33
Sign: Scorpio

State: Virginia
Country: US

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007 

Current mood:  uncomfortable
Category: Life

So tonight I went out to get some take out. I took the dogs with me because as many of you know, Julie was here to visit the last week or so. My dogs have either been at home alone for longer than usual or staying with Kristine while we run here and there. After being gone a lot of the afternoon and evening today, I decided they could just ride with me. I actually do this quite a lot since they're so used to being around me 24/7 and I'm running somewhere for just a few minutes.

 

So, I'm coming down the street on my way home. And I happen to notice a State Police car pulled over on the left hand side of the street. A cop in Plain Clothes was standing on the sidewalk with a flash light. He was at the house we call "the drug dealer" house. We're not exactly sure if that's what these people do but they're definitely shady. Different cars there all hours of the day, new roomates every few weeks…..and they're the only shady ones on the block. I thought it was strange but then just assumed he was there talking to one of the people that lived there. He was looking around the house and the other houses on either side his flashlight. So I kept going and pulled into my cul-de-sac. Now, down on my cul-de-sac (which dead ends at the water) it is pitch black at night. We all have our porch lights on but we don't have a street light. As I pulled into the parking area….I didn't see anyone.

Now, when the dogs are in the car with me I have a basic routine of getting out first and not letting them just jump out, especially at night. I admit I do let O'Malley jump out from time to time, but only during the day when no one is around. So, I go to open the door and before I can even react, O'Malley flew out of the car and started barking. She went towards the back of my car and to the left. Then I realized she was growling….the "you are a stranger and don't belong here" growl. I stepped to the back of my car and there was a guy. I almost didn't see him but there he was…..all dressed in black with his hand down at his ride side facing me and looking down at O'Malley. In his right hand was something…which I was pretty sure was a gun.

 

He says "Um, can you get your dog". And I went "No."

What…like I'm just gonna walk up to you a stranger, in all black with what I'm pretty sure is a gun and get my dog. No, I was FROZEN to that spot because it all started to sink in....the cop car and now this guy. He leaned down, picked up O'Malley and walked towards me and politely said, "Here ya go". I took her and just stared at him. I realized at this moment that he did have a gun. But his arm was straight at his side and began to hide his hand behind his back leg.

 

Then he just walked past me and went up the parking lot. He got to the sidewalk and looked around. I just stared at him. He even made eye contact with me. Then he just turned and ran between my set of townhouses and the ones next to us.

 

As soon as he was out of my site. I took a breath, locked Milo in my car because I didn't know what else to do and ran up the street to where the State Police car was parked.

 

When I got there I saw the car but no cop. Some neighbors were outside next door and I yelled "Hey, where's that cop"……And then he yelled "I'm right here!!!" and came from the "drug dealer" house. I said, "um, are you looking for someone" and he said "Yes, why?" and I was like "cuz, he just encountered me when I was parking my car and he's behind these townhouses" and I pointed behind me. Then I was like "and…he's got a gun!" The cop went "what? A gun? Are you ok?" I just replied "um, yes, he didn't do anything he was just there and my dog saw him and was barking. He politely picked up my dog and gave her to me….and ran". He grabbed his radio and yelled "I need that back up NOW!!!" and took off towards the townhouses behind us.

 

So now, I'm standing there. In the rain. With my dog…shaking. And I'm like "uh, I'm not walking back down there by myself". One of the neighbors said he would walk me down there and the girl was like "yeah, she lives down by Gary, take her and stay with her. I"m going insde and locking the door. Thank god this guy looked like a damn bouncer....I don't know him but he seemed like a safe bet.

 

He walked me to the car and helped me get Milo, O'Malley and my take out in the house. Then he totally said he'd wait outside my house until he could find out what's going on. As we were walking back out a police officer found us and asked us all about what happened. I gave him my statement...or story really.....and he said they had lots of cars looking for him and to go inside and lock all my doors and windows. He was like "is your husband here" and I'm like "um.....No. And he won't be home.". So he made sure I was ok and assured me I was safe. I told him "yeah, I'm not too worried. I think he just wanted my dog to shut up. If he was going to hurt me, he would have". He agreed, told the neighbor guy to please go home and get inside and for me to close and lock the

door. He said an ofifcer would be back.

So I went inside, ran around locking all my doors and windows….again. And then of course I called Kristine to give her my story.

 

The cop who was in plain clothes showed up about 35 minutes later to let me know that shortly after I told him about the guy he was looking for, back up came down Bracknell and the guy was running down the street. Apparently, he gave up fleeing and surrendered. He told me he was there becasue there was a warrent out for this person and they had received a call that he was at this house. Obviously when he got there the guy ducked out and the other people in the house tried to do the whole "he's not here". He did also tell me that the guy didn't have a history of violence and all I was thinking was "no, he seemed pretty polite for a guy avoiding the police and getting caught by some white chick in a BMW".

 

So all is well on La Haaaarrrvve Place again.

 

It's weird. Clearly this guy was trying not to be caught but I guess when I think about situations like this you think that he wouldn't have stood there or even gave me my dog. I can't believe he didn't just run. I mean, I think he even smiled at me. I know he just wanted O'Malley to shut up and I'm grateful that he just handed her to me but still.....Weird!!!!! 

 

So, some points to make…..

1.    I'm letting my owner know to complain that we need a damn street light down here.

2.    If you see a cop with a flashlight at the "drug dealer" house, he's most likely looking for someone.

3.   I'm glad my dog barks at strangers, even if it could have put me in danger. Her barking caused him to run instead of hide and may have helped the cops.

4.    I don't like being alone and I want Matt to come home soon.!!!!! This kind of crap always happens to me when he's gone!! (like the time the phone lines got mixed up and a 911 call was traced to my house even though I didn't make it and the cops showed up at 3am busting in looking for someone)

Kristine and I are thinking O'Malley deserves some sort of Medal of Honor for her bravery. And I'm thinking I don't wanna leave my house at night anymore!!!

 

So hope tonight everyone is safe and sound with no fugitives around. Polite or not. Good night everyone!!!!!

2:46 AM 
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 

Current mood:  uncomfortable
Category: Life

I lost it today. Seriously.....you probably don't care because we all have our own problems. But I lost it, I mean completel hormonal breakdown. Matt was the witness.......by phone anyway.

I was so angry. I haven't felt that angry since my father died and I would think to myself "God, what the fuck did I ever do to you? Why'd you have to go an do that??" Granted....that's not valid since I don't believe that God punishes us like that but still it's a feeling that happens.

I felt it again today. I thought "God, what the fuck did I ever do to you? Why would you push my life in this direction? I mean sure, I don't go to church but if you're real than you know how I feel about life. You know that I've made some mistakes but when it comes down to it I'm a damn good person...a good friend....a good wife". And then I realized as I did so many years ago that I am not being punished. This is just......LIFE. Shitty things happen to us. This would be a very bizzarre world if we never felt loss, pain, humility, anger, sadness, loneliness..........

And it's ok to have a breakdown. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I have a lot of very negative confusing feelings inside of me that I refuse to share......I have my reasons.

I'm pretty good at taking the bad news but this has affected me in a way I never expected.

Hmmm.....I think I'll go ponder than for awhile.

5:29 AM 
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Tuesday, January 09, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Category: Life

In several weeks, he will leave again. It's been 5 years since we had to be apart…..and by apart I mean halfway around the world from each other. It was easier last time, even if it was right after 9/11. He was on a ship, he seemed "safer". There were frequent emails and some great phone calls. But what will it be like this time? We've never been through this before. Many of you will never really know or ever understand the sacrifice that we make for each other. Him for me, I for him. It's interesting how we each will see ourselves as losing out. You'll never know the emotions we feel: the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the love. How you talk yourself into "survival" mode and learn to live your life alone and accept it. These are our sacrifices:

I will sleep alone in my bed every night.

He will sleep with a "room" full of people and will have never felt so isolated.

I will make plans for just me – hanging out with friends, taking trips, going out for dinner.

He will not make plans – he will not hang out with friends, he wont' take vacations, and dinner will not be an outing but but a necessity.

I will be scared, what if something happens to me alone. I'm vulnerable. Will people know that I am in this house alone? I will put the big Mag-Lite next to my bed for protection and hope my dogs chase away anyone trying to do me harm.

He will live and breathe fear. Fear when he is working and fear when he is sleeping. He will carry weapons and be on alert 24 hours a day. He will remind himself over and over that he WILL return home safely.

I will change to him – I'll become a little more independent, a little more stubborn. I will be more beautiful than he remembers and I'll shed those pounds and look great for his return. I'll grow stronger as time goes on.

He will change to me – he will see things I only read about or see on TV. He will experience real live nightmares and may even fight for his life. He will also become a little more independent and strong. He'll come back more handsome than I remember with some color from the desert sun.

I will stay in my safe place, even though I will be lonely I will be able to pick up the phone at any moment and call a friend, my sister, my mom….I can email and MySpace and at least feel a little less alone.

He will go to a place that is anything but safe, he won't be able to pick up the phone or email at the drop of a hat. He will have to get to know new people just to have some conversation and interaction.

I will be alone on our 10 year Anniversary, on my Birthday, on Thanksgiving. I won't feel like putting in the effort for the holidays even if he is to come home 5 days before Christmas. But I will, because my friends and family will surround me in whatever way they can.

He will be far alone on our 10 year Anniversary and on holidays. Only he most likely won't celebrate, he'll be working or fighting to stay safe, dreaming of coming home just in time for Christmas. Instead of eating turkey and all the trimmings he will be laying his life on the line for you, even if you don't believe in it or agree with it. He does. He cares.

So who makes the bigger sacrifice? It's not right to say one does more or has the harder time. I'll be here just struggling to get out of bed and begin my day without him, anxiously going through each day hoping "they" don't ring my doorbell and deliver those words that will change my life forever.

And his life will be in danger in a way that is too big to comprehend. He will struggle to stay focused and courageous. And he will struggle to make it through the nightmare and come home. 

Tonight when you lay down to go to bed with your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend. Keep in mind that for 305 days we won't do that. We won't kiss each other good night, hold hands, say "Good Morning", or make breakfast for one another, all those things that you are doing each day without a thought. 

 

Could you sleep 305 days without that person and still smile each day? Could you not see that person face for almost a year and still find a reason to have fun?

 

And there are other's out there like me. We try like hell to keep our relationship strong….because we make the sacrifices above so that our "Soldier" can do what he loves. This blog isn't about military pride or him fighting for our country. It's about love. The love between two people that is so strong it helps them get through something most of you will never have to do. And when it's all said and none - it will be like it never happened. Like no time has passed.

 

Say "I love you" to the people around you tonight....not just because you do but because they are there in your life, day in....day out....face to face.

H

1:24 AM 
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