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Mark



Last Updated: 7/4/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Married
Age: 39
Sign: Pisces

City: Altneuland
State: Michigan
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/5/2006

Blog Archive
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Friday, October 23, 2009 
1:32 AM 
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Wednesday, September 23, 2009 
 
Washington - Leading conservatives today issued a blanket apology for berating protesters over the last several decades.  The sheer delight conservatives have taken in the August 2009 Town Hall protests led to a complete reversal of values for most conservatives.

Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh released this joint statement, "Previously we referred to all protesters as crazy hippies. We now believe that the louder and more disruptive a protest is, the more legitimate your cause is. Protesting is a great symbol of freedom and should be encouraged."

Glenn Beck also spoke out, "This country loves dissent, I applaud anyone who has the courage to make your voice heard. To all the Anti-war protesters of the last eight years, I apologize, you guys are real heroes. I can't believe the President didn't automatically change policies once he heard there were angry protests by a strongly vocal minority. Maybe if you all had been armed it would have been better."

Pat Buchanan issued an apology on behalf of the entire Nixon administration, "We called you crazy hippies and told you to get a job, said you threatened the country. Now I think you're all great Americans and can't believe we didn't listen to you. You should have been louder and brought guns, that would have made it all better."

The Republican Party released this statement, "This is not hypocrisy. We're merely flexible in changing times. There's now nothing we love more than an angry protester. Just as we changed our minds about maritial fidelity in between Bill Clinton and all the sex scandals of the last few years. We embrace change. Since January 20, 2009 we now find deficits unnacceptable and don't believe anyone has a duty to support the President in time of war. We also don't think the office of the President has to be respected at all. See, we're just flexible."
6:33 PM 
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Sunday, August 09, 2009 
Philadelphia - The American Independence movement came to an end today as delegates were unable to voice any opinions or have any rational debate to unruly crowds shouting down the  speakers. The crowds were reported to be funded by the British but claim to be grassroots organizations.

Thomas Jefferson of Virginia lamented the end of the Independence movement, "We wanted to create a country where all voices could be heard, a civil country governed by rational ideas and healthy debate where..." Mr. Jefferson was then shouted down by cries of "Tyranny" "Socialism" and "Nazi"

The spokesman for the protesters, a Mr. Loy A. Liste stated, "We're just ordinary Americans who want to have our voices heard. The tyranny here is people trying to have their voices heard when we're shouting all the time. Enough of the tryanny of these 'founding fathers' lets make sure they're never heard again. The fact that we're angry proves we're right. Long live King George! Down with Tyranny!"

News reports have traced Mr. Liste's organization People who love Freedom and Puppies and Babies to funds coming from Britain, although this was denied by the group's chair, General Cornwallis, "These are just ordinary colonists speaking their mind. Don't listen to 'polls' and 'elections' that say they're a minority, the fact that they're loud and angry proves they're right. This isn't mob rule, it's democracy and freedom. We'll be taking our private citizens on our grass roots vessel, HMS King George III to spread the word of freedom, along with our friends who like to wear read coats."

In the end the angry loyalists were able to protect themselves from the tryanny of having to listen to ideas they didn't like. A truly great day for freedom.
10:48 PM 
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Tuesday, July 14, 2009 
9:40 PM 
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Saturday, July 04, 2009 
1:18 AM 
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Friday, June 05, 2009 
11:13 PM 
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009 
 

Washington - Conservatives across the country brought forth their plans for immediate action to deal with the Swine Flu pandemic. Some notable examples:

Washington Republicans demanded the Obama administration do nothing, nothing at all chanting, "Government is always the problem not the solution. We don't need big government. We demand the government do nothing now, nothing tomorrow, nothing ever."

Rush Limbaugh demanded Obama's resignation stating, "We can see his policies have failed, now he's brought this upon us. See what socialism causes."

Michelle Bachman of Minnesota also demanded his resignation stating, "There's no evidence President Obama didn't cause the swine flu. I want to pass a bill making it illegal for President Obama to give Americans the swine flu."

Fox News demanded people form a spontaneous grass roots movement to help the rich with a tax cut. Glenn Beck cried and said he feared we'd all be turned into pigs by the swine flu. Fox news then created a nationwide day of "porking" to save the rich from the swine flu by "porking" the Democrats "Before they pork us." Said Bill O'reilly, "We need to get together and pork those fat cats in Washington, I've been waiting to pork a few Democrats for some time."

Pat Robertson demanded more Christian education be directed at pigs, stating, "Obviously these pigs have engaged in un Christian behavoir. We don't need 'medical science' with its Godless 'biology' and 'evolving' viruses. We don't need 'protection' from diseases. We need to teach these pigs to turn from their wicked wicked ways. From 'Babe' to 'Charlotte's Web' to 'The Muppet Show' it's obvious Hollywood has been promoting a pig lifestyle and God is punishing us."

Internationally, noted religious connservative Mahmoud Ahmedinejad of Iran commented, "It must be the Jews, Jews and pigs go together, everyone knows that."

2:41 AM 
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Saturday, April 11, 2009 
1:19 AM 
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Sunday, April 05, 2009 
 
In honor of the Iowa Supreme Court's April 2009 legalization of Gay Marriage.
Thank God I'm a Country Boy
(Original Lyrics by John Denver)
Well life on the farm is kinda laid back
Since folks in Des Moines finally cut me some slack
It's early work guys, early in the sack
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well my personal choices sure never did no one harm
Fraternizin' with the men folk and workin' on the farm
Us gays are filled with an easy country charm
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle
It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little
Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
When the work's all done and the sun's setting low
We put on a little Streisand and have a little show
The neighbors like Limbaugh so we keep it kinda low
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
I'd sing them old showtunes all day if I could
But the church and Pastor wouldn't take it very good
So I Salsa when I could, work when I should
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle
It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little
Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well I wouldn't trade my life for cellphones and suits
I never was one of those closeted fools
I'd rather have my disco and my farmin tools
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Yeah, city gays partyin' in limousines
A lotta sad people thinin' that's the only scene
Son let me show you exactly what I mean
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle
It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little
Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
We'll I'll sing those old showtunes till the day I die
Since now I have my own man and he's forever by my side
Say partners for life and say it loud with pride
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Those farm boys taught me young how to hunt and how to whittle
Taught me how to work and play showtunes on the fiddle
Taught me how to love and how to give just a little
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Well it ain't Fire Island out here in the middle
It sure ain't like Frisco our community's little
Why we're out here is a funny funny riddle'
Thank God I'm a country boy
 
Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.
2:17 AM 
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Wednesday, March 18, 2009 
 
This week Pope Benedict went to AIDS ravaged Africa and told people not to use condoms and that they only make the problem worse. So in a place where over 20 million people have AIDS, the biggest problem for Benedict is that someone might use a condom. So he not only gives bad advice, but actually lies to suffering black people.  His message is pretty much summed up by this song:
Just Die
(To the tune of the theme from "Rawhide")
Dogma, Dogma, Dogma
Keep prayin' prayin' prayin
Though AIDS just keeps slayin'
Tell them to keep prayin' - Just Die
Don't try to understand AIDS
Just offer prayer and band-aids
No matter how many folks have died
You're ejaculatin'
Only pleases Satan
Unless you're naturally inside
 
Risk your life, pull it out
Pull it out, risk your life
Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die
Hide the fact, tell a lie
Tell a lie, hide  the facts
No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die
 
Shut up, shut up shut up
Though the graves are backed up
Keep the info locked up - Just die
Rubber, silk and latex
So sinful is safe sex
Better that everyone should die
All the lives that we lose
Are martyrs to the values
That celibate Kraut Pope has prescribed
 
Risk your life, pull it out
Pull it out, risk your life
Though it's dumb, no condoms Just Die
Hide the fact, tell a lie
Tell a lie, hide  the facts
No matter, Kraut Pope says Just Die
 
Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)
Copyright 2009 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.
12:29 AM 
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