MySpace


MySpace.com | rss | sign in
Hoop City 2012

Mike Hoopengardner


Last Updated: 3/30/2009

Send Message
Instant Message
Email to a Friend
Subscribe

Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 25
Sign: Pisces

State: MARYLAND
Country: US
Signup Date: 4/19/2006

Blog Archive
[Older      Newer]
 /  / 
Tuesday, March 03, 2009 
Just want to let everyone know that there's going to be a huge birthday bash on Friday, March 13th at the ABC Lounge here in the sunny County area.  We'll be celebrating the birthdays of Chris Frantz, Mike Johnston, and myself.  Gonna be lots of cool things going on, so even if you think we're all a bunch of douchebags you should still come and celebrate.  Be there!
9:57 PM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Saturday, November 22, 2008 

What's up America.  It's been a long time since I've posted anything substantial on this raggedy ass blog, but I've got something with some substance for you on this Friday afternoon (I would love to be at home playing FIFA right now by the way).  Recently I was up in VA visiting with Sweeney and the Reston boys for one evening which eventually turned into two, and consisted of rowdy UFC fights at Champs, some hottie somehow pulling off a Clinton Portis jersey, straight legs, and sexy red stilletos combination while we stared on slightly drunk from crushing 'ritas beginning at noon, someone inexplicably getting laid in their backseat (I'm not naming any names haha), and myself being awkwardly spotted on the dance floor at the Ballroom with my tongue on some poor mixed-race females neck.  So needless to say, a blog must be posted…it just has to happen.
 

While you might be thinking to yourself, "Woah!  I can't wait to hear more about the Portis jersey girl!" or "Who was this chick at the Ballroom?" or "Who got laid in their backseat???", you will be disappointed to find that there will be no more mention of those throughout this blog, those will stay in the vaults.  Sorry.  The rest of this blog instead will be dedicated to me systematically breaking down and making fun of UFC and the accompanying UFC culture that exists.  You all know what I'm talking about…the dudes that wear Affliction gear, and Tap-Out shirts, that whole crowd.  Simply put, I'm not a big fan of these dudes.  And here's why:

 

UFC IS DUMB!!!!

First off, I just want to make the simple statement that UFC is dumb!  I don't get it!  What is the appeal of seeing two scandally clad men beating the living shit out of each other until the other one literally blacks out?  This is cool?  What, are we barbarians from the stone age that rape and pillage as well?  Is this the direction that this country wants to be going in?  I mean it's 2008, we just elected the first black president of the United States of America, but we're all going to get boozed up and watch a man get beaten until he can't walk?  It all makes no sense to me. 

 

The Reston boys and myself ventured out to Champs, a very nice sports bar in Reston, and the place was packed for this fight.  Randy Coutore (old, withered man, 45 years old, scrawny) was going up against Brock Lesnar (former WWE wrestler, former Minnesota Vikings 4th string defensive end and special teamer, big as a house), and it pretty much was a landslide victory for Lesnar.  Before we went to the bar, Sweeney inexplicably threw a wager down on Coutoure, only to get to Champs and see the size discrepancy and find out that Coutoure hadn't fought in 14 months.  Pretty safe to say this was a bad wager…haha.

 

According to my UFC supporting friends, this was a HUGE fight, yet it just lacked that big fight feel that you get at say a big-time boxing match.  This fight consisted of an over-matched old man trying to avoid vicious knee thrusts and eventually falling down to where he was pounded in the face literally 30 times until the ref finally showed some mercy and broke up the fight.  I remember just standing there thinking, wow, this isn't that cool.  And just like that, the fight was over. 

 

In other news, we immediately left after the fight, and with all of the UFC type dudes that were in the bar getting liquored up, we put the over/under on the number of UFC style fights that would take place in the parking lot after the bar closed at +/- 18…we enjoy gambling.

 

BOXING IS WAYYYYYY BETTER

Simply put, boxing is a much better sport than UFC (if you can even call it that).  UFC will never be able to match the nostalgia that one gets during a big-time boxing match.  I'll be the first to admit, there aren't that many big name boxers left out there, and the sport has been getting kind of lame recently, but there is nothing that matches a big boxing match.  You have Jay-Z sitting next to Tom Hanks in the crowd, wearing their finest suits and puffing the finest cigars, you have the whole anticipation and build up to the fight, you have the whole atmosphere, you have the REAL Michael Buffer (not his nephew or whoever that guy was), you have a slightly senile Larry Merchant pounding Jack and Cokes until he slurs out his post-match analysis which is always a good time…it just can't be beat!  UFC has 50 Cent wearing a New Era hat in the crowd.  That's it.  Yep. 

 

The best way to put it would be to say that if there is a big boxing match, I would happily pay the $60 to watch the fight.  UFC?  Not a chance. 


UFC FANS ARE LAME

We all know what I'm talking about here, these are the dudes who love UFC, and they are currently infesting a bar near you.  You will know this type of dude if they have at least three of the following traits:

 

  • Wearing Affliction shirt or Tap-Out with jeans and some form of boot or sneaker
  • Travel in packs (usually 4-5 dudes)
  • Hit on any chick within a ten foot radius, usually starting off with some hotties but then settling for a gross chick after pounding whiskey all night
  • Have some form of facial hair
  • Usually has STDs
  • Has multiple tattoos
  • Hat tipped at an angle slightly to the right or left
  • Listen to hard rock but still mix in some occasional 50 Cent or TI
  • Will sing along to Buckcherry "Crazy Bitch" whenever it comes on the jukebox
  • Stares every dude down like they are about to kick your ass for looking at them

 

When did this whole style become cool?  This year?  Last year?  I completely missed the memo on that one.  Here's some pics to back me up:

 

Classic UFC style shirt.  Wear at your own risk.

 

Classic Affliction douchebag-esque shirt.  Complete with tats...nice.

 

This is a sport?  Looks like man on man action to me.

 

Classic UFC style douchebag complete with Affliction mesh hat, tilted slightly to the right, Affliction shirt, and flicking off the camera.  He's a bad ass.

 

This photo was taken minutes after Lesnar defeated Coutore.  Looks like the guy in the bottom center wagered on Coutore also.

 

That's all folks, my rant is over, but in conclusion I think that it's painfully obvious that the whole UFC fighting and accompanying culture is flat out WHACK.  Can we now move on to the next fad, please?  I'm just hoping when I go to the bar tonight and talk to a female, I won't glance over and notice that I'm being stared down by 5 dudes dressed like the above pics wanting to put me in a leg lock.

 

It's Friday night, I'm out!

HOLLER

6:15 AM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Wednesday, November 05, 2008 

What's up America!  This is a short one, but I just wanted to say congrats to Barrack Obama with the big win tonight.  I hope everyone got out there and rocked the vote today, getting harrassed by a bunch of crusty old McCain supporters in the process like I did.  It's time for a change, we're still in the middle of some loooooong as war in some random ass country, the economies so shit that I couldn't buy a pair of Depends with my 401K, and the Bushisms are just getting old.  Time for a change, time for the young generation to have a voice, time to get this old and very comfortable party out of office and make some changes.  I just wish I was drunk in Chicago like the rest of these people...looks like fun.

Another great thing to come out of this election was me finding my soul mate, on strictly platonic terms, in the form of Saxby Chambliss, the Republican from Georgia.  Not sure who he is or what he's all about, but just look at that name....Saxby Chambliss.  Wow.  Sounds like an old ABA players name, or an 80's rapper, or a wild west gun slinger, or a male pornstar.  All I know is that with a name like that, I have finally met someone with a swagger to match mine.

Holler, Obama bitches!

12:09 PM 
0 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 

PART I: THE BEGINNING..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

"God damn these birds are getting annoying," thought Tom as he lay in his bed.  He glanced at his alarm clock with his bloodshot eyes; 6:47AM it read, a full hour before his alarm would go off signifying the beginning of his day.  Another day in paradise, he thought, joining the rat race to work where he would sit in front of a computer for the next eight hours of his life, just another drone in the maze of countless cubicles.   On top of that, he now had to endure having to wake up an hour early to a loud barrage of bird squawks right outside of his bedroom window?  "Fuck this…" he muttered to himself. 

This had been going on for a few months now.  It had started innocently enough, when during the tail end of winter he had begun noticing the bird chirps outside of his window.  At that time, it was maybe only two birds who had built a nest behind the shutters outside of his bedroom window on the third floor of his brand new townhouse, providing an occasional chirp here and there.  No big deal, he always thought.  It's not like they were bothering him.  And besides, he didn't want to be the guy who was known for ruining the lives of a small bird family.  But in the past month, it had grown worse.  Now, instead of the intermittent chirp of a couple of birds, it seemed as if it was a constant party with rounds of Jagger bombs for all starting at 6AM everyday all day and lasting until dawn.  It was not a problem on weekends, as Tom was usually so hung over that he could sleep through a Megadeth concert.  But now?  Waking him up this early on a weekday when sleep is the most vital?  Now, this was becoming a problem. 

Tom lay in his bed trying to go back to sleep, with no such luck, as the frat party of birds raged on outside of his bedroom window.  At 8AM on the dot, his alarm sounded.  Tom slowly climbed out of his bed at 8:01, threw on his Adidas shorts, and stumbled out of his room to begin his daily routine.  Except this morning he had had enough.  "These birds have got to go…" he thought.

PART II: THE TIPPING POINT

It had been a typical Wednesday for Tom.  After waking up to the harassment of the squawking birds outside of his window, he had gathered himself and endured another nondescript day in the work force.  After work, he had came home to fraternize with his roommate Tito, gone to the local gym for an hour to work on his hard body, gotten a bite to eat, and was now hanging out back at the townhouse playing video games on the Playstation 3.  Some might consider such an evening to be boring or uneventful, but at least it kept him out of the bar for a night while keeping some cash in his pocket he would say.

At around 12:45AM, Tom took the long walk up to his room on the third floor to finally go to sleep, slightly bummed out at the fact that he would have to go through the same exact routine the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and so on.  He finally made it up the flight of stairs to the third floor, with the two flights of steps feeling like twenty at this time of night, and flipped on his flat screen TV before going into his bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. 

Before actually going to sleep, of course, Tom spent the next ten minutes or so flipping through late night television, the shows ranging from Sportscenter to Cops.

Finally, at precisely 1:05AM, Tom was ready to go to sleep.  Tom used his remote control to turn off his television, and right as he was leaning over to turn off his lamp that rest on his nightstand, something caught his eye.  "No fucking way…" he said out loud as he jumped out of bed, turned on his bedroom light, and ambled back over to what he thought he had just seen.  He looked closer at the window sill, the same window that contained the birds nest directly on the other side.  And in fact, it was what he thought he had just seen…a bug!!!  A tiny, tiny, grayish black bug was ever so slowly creeping along on the window sill, maybe only 6 inches from where he was about to lay his head for the night.  How he had seen such a tiny creature was beyond him, but that was not the point.  Tom moved his head directly over the window sill and looked even closer, harder.  Suddenly he could see more of the same…one bug, two bugs, three bugs, four bugs in total.  He then looked at his cream colored blinds, the ones that had cost him almost four hundred dollars, and saw a fifth bug crawling. 

"What the fuck?!" Tom shouted out loud, in disbelief at what he was seeing. 

Now furious, Tom grabbed his book bag, threw in a couple of shirts, threw on his shoes, and stormed downstairs.  There was no way that he was going to sleep in his bed after seeing what he had just seen.  He passed his roommate Tito on the second floor.  "What are you doing?" Tito asked. 

"I'm going to my mom's house tonight.  There's fucking bugs in my room dude," he replied. 

"No way man?!  You've got bugs?  That's gross!" Tito chuckled back. 

"They've got to be from the birds' man.  I found them on the window sill where the birds nest is.  I can't sleep here.  Tomorrow, the birds die," Tom defiantly said.

"That actually makes sense.  Do it man.  Talk to you tomorrow," replied Tito.

"Peace out."

Tom then went the final flight of steps and out the door, jumped into his Lexus, and made the short drive to his parent's house where he would sleep in his old room for the night.  He looked at his clock in the car, 1:27AM it read.  Now angry, Tom thought of ways to get rid of these birds.  It was one thing to annoy him with their loud chirps, but bringing bugs into the house, and more specifically into his room?  He was not going to let this slide.

Finally laying in the peaceful serenity of his former room, Tom continued to think of ways to get rid of his problem.  Maybe he could just open up the window and knock the nests out of the shutters?  Then he ran the risk of having a bird fly into his room, a risk he did not want to take.  Maybe he could spray something harmful into their nest, driving them away?  Seemed too easy he thought.  Hell, maybe he could just pay someone to come take care of this problem for him?  Before he could even answer his own question, Tom was fast asleep.

PART III: TOM GATS UP

Tom left work early the next day, as throughout the day he had not been thinking about work at all.  All of his attention had been turned towards his bird problem and how he should take care of it.  While asking people at work of different ways to get rid of these birds, he had heard many different opinions and techniques to use.   The lab guy who smokes 28 cigarettes a day (and that's before lunchtime!), had told him to simply use a broom stick and knock the nest down.  The sketchy tall guy who walks like he in fact has a broom stick stuck up his ass told Tom that he should use a blow torch and burn them out.  "I hope that was a joke," thought Tom.  Tom even had posed his conundrum to his boss, a noted animal lover, whose response was, "Don't kill them!  I like birds.  You should just use bug spray to take care of the bugs.  The birds will leave on their own, trust me."  Tom had respectfully acknowledged his recommendation, but never considered it.  His mind was made up…the birds had to go.

Later that day at Lowe's, Tom could be found gathering his materials for the bird attack that he was planning for that evening.  He walked up and down each aisle, his shopping cart screeching with every step, each time looking for something that could be beneficial towards his raid.  By the time he was done his shopping spree, his shopping cart contained the following items:

1.       Wasp and Hornet Bug Spray.  Kills bugs on contact, high powered can.  Can shoot up to 25 feet.

2.       Indoor/Outdoor Bug Spray.  Kills a variety of insects on contact.  Can be used inside and outside.  Creates a "barrier" that bugs do not attempt to cross.

3.       Hot Shots Bug Bomb.  Used to kill all living insects in ones living area.

4.       Extendable Ceiling Fan Cleaner.  A large brush with metal bristles used to clean ceiling fans.  Has long, extendable plastic handle.

5.       Safety goggles.  Used to prevent damage to the eye from debris and/or gasses.

6.       Breathing mask.  Blocks harmful gasses and odors from reaching your mouth and nose.

As Tom pulled into his driveway, he gathered his bags of ammo from the back seat, and glanced up at his third story window.  Outside of the window, there sat three birds, all chirping loudly.  A fourth bird swooped in from the sky and perched itself directly onto the roof, squawking defiantly at Tom.  The two locked eyes.

The battle was about to take place…

PART IV: OPERATION KILL BIRD

Everything was in place.  Tom was positioned in his room, wearing his goggles in case there were any birds who attempted to peck his eyeballs out, and his mask so that he would not have to inhale any of the dangerous and poisonous gasses he was about to be emitting.  Tito stood outside, smoking a cigarette, holding a camera just in case there were any memorable moments to be caught in time, and ready to provide any direction that he could from the ground level. 

Upon further investigation before the raid, Tom had done a little more inspection of the window, and in the process finding that not only was there one nest, but there was also another nest in the other shutter.  Now, he had two nests to deal with during the assault, further adding to his comprehensiveness about the ordeal.  But he could not be comprehensive or nervous anymore, as now it was time to go to war with the birds.  Shit was about to pop off.

The assault sprung into action as Tom pulled open the first window, spraying the high velocity Hornet and Wasp spray behind the shutter and into the nest.  Two birds simultaneously flew out of the nest as Tom slammed the window shut.  To his surprise, the birds flew away without any aggressive acts towards him, easing his mind.  He then pulled open the second window, sending a large stream of the Hornet and Wasp spray into the second nest.  Tom pulled the window shut, awaiting phase 2 of the operation.  He glanced out the window at Tito, who was pulling on a cigarette in amusement.  Tito gave Tom a thumbs up.  Phase 2 was a GO.

Tom pulled open the first window again, now knowing that there were no birds in the actual bird nest at this time.  Now was his time to spring into action and get rid of these gross pits of straw, grass, and…bugs, once and for all.  He slammed the wiry edge of the ceiling fan cleaner into the shutter to no avail.  It was too big to fit behind the shutter!!!  Slightly panicking, Tom thought quickly enough to turn the cleaner around and use the small, plastic handle against the nest.  The handle fit behind the shutter perfectly, and with all of his force Tom attempted to dislodge the nest.  It didn't budge.  The nest was so lodged behind the window shutter that moving it would take a lot more force than just one swift flick of the wrist.  So Tom dug in, pushed and pushed at the nest with all of his might.  "Some just fell out!!!" yelled Tito in excitement.  "Keep going!!!"

For the next 60 seconds Tom tried to dislodge the nest from behind the shutter, slowly working the nest towards the edge.  "It's hanging out of the other side!  You've almost got it!" Tito urged on.  Tom ripped off his goggles and mask, as now this was mano e mano, man versus bird.  Tom was pissed.  For another 60 seconds he fought with the nest, and finally, he could see a large pile of debris fall to the second floor roof.  "You got it dude!" Tito yelled.  Tom kept at it though, wanting to be 100% sure that the entire nest was out of his window, and out of his life.  Tito warned him that a small piece of the nest was still dangling on the other side of the shutter, but despite Tom's best attempts, he couldn't get it to fall. 

"Oh well!" Tom yelled back.  "It's good enough!  They won't be coming back here."  Tito nodded in agreement.

Moving onto the second window, Tom swung the window open and began the same procedure that he had just completed on the first window.  Thrusting as hard as he could while still keeping his balance, not wanting to fall to his death, he found this second nest to be even more difficult to budge.  He kept thrusting, pushing with all of his might.  The dust, dirt, and who knows what else that accompanies birds' nests floated in the air, able to be seen in the sunlight, and floated into his room.  "This is so fucking gross!!!!" yelled Tom.  He kept at it, pushing, pushing, thrusting, thrusting, gyrating the handle of the ceiling fan cleaner until Tito yelled out, "Dude!  Two birds just flew out of the window!"  Holy shit, thought Tom, as he kept up his persistent motions.  "Oh my god!  Another one just flew out!  This is awesome!" Tito again yelled.  Tom shuddered back slightly before realizing that now was not time to show fear.

Sensing that the end was now in sight, Tom started pushing as hard as he could against the bird nest.  He put his right leg up on the window sill to balance himself, now able to exert more power into his motions.  He could feel his muscles burning.  Tito snapped a picture. 

Finally, he felt the nest give, and just like that, it too fell to the second floor roof.  "You got it!" yelled an approving Tito. 

Tom immediately slammed close the window, ran downstairs and out the door, threw the ceiling fan cleaner in the trash can, and joined Tito in a cigarette to admire the work that had just been done.

PART V: THE CLEAN UP

After the cigarettes and high fives were exchanged over the humans victory of the birds, Tom finally trudged back up to his room knowing that there was still lots of clean up to be done.  He started by opening both windows, now confident that the birds wouldn't be returning anytime soon, and sprayed behind the shutters with an inexplicable amount of the Hornet and Wasp spray.  He followed that up by spraying, once again, an inexplicable amount of the Indoor/Outdoor Bug Barrier spray; inside the shutter, on the outside of the window, on the inside of the window, on the window sill, everywhere imaginable.  Next, he placed a bug bomb in the middle of his room, pulled the trigger, and closed the door. 

Tom was off to his parent's house for another peaceful night in his former bedroom.  He was content.  He knew that his ordeal was finally over.  That night, Tom slept soundly.

PART VI: THE AFTERMATH

The next morning, a well rested Tom pulled into his driveway to see the carnage from the previous day's onslaught.  On the second story roof rested two large birds nest, tan in color, with loose pieces of debris slightly blowing in the warm morning wind.  A bird stood next to one of the nests, pecking ever so slowly at it, trying to digest all of the destruction of his once perfect home.

Tom glanced up at the third story window of his bedroom, with the one piece of bird nest still dangling from the far edge of the window sill; only one strong wind from falling to the roof with all of the other debris.  A solitary bird stood perched on the third story roof, chirping loudly, despairingly.  Its home was gone.   Tom walked into his home triumphantly, knowing that he had conquered the birds. 

Not only could he now sleep in a room free of loud bird chirping and bugs, he now knew that he had scored an even bigger feat.  He had scored a huge victory for mankind in the ongoing battle that is human versus bird.  Tom shot one more quick glance up at his window before walking inside; the two birds had already flown away.  "God damn I'm the shit…" muttered Tom as he closed the door, the calmness returning to the warm summer morning.

Tom didn't notice the large bird glaring at him from the roof across the street.  It starred, its beady eyes squaring Tom up, preparing for its revenge…

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Actually it's not to be continued, I just didn't know how to close this one out.  But up until that last sentence, this story is 100% true.  It happened last week actually.  And yes, I'm Tom.  Haha.

HOLLER.

4:21 AM 
2 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Saturday, May 10, 2008 

9:15PM Eastern Standard Time..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

What's up America.  I'm typing this aboard Northwest Airlines flight 11 inbound towards Tokyo/Narita airport at the moment and I'm basically bored as hell and am seriously cometemplating taking the poop plastic knife that they gave me for my poop spicy mustard that I put on my poop ham sandwich and slitting my wrists in the poop bathroom that smells like poop.  Yeah, how's that for an opener???  You see, this is all really a tragedy in a fucked up game played by the beaurocrats in the government to take away my business class rights and all accompanying privileges.  I deserve business class!  Coach sucks!  My swag is undeniable!!!

Ok, sorry for my above rant but I've been on this damn airplane all day.  It all started when I drunkenly came to in my bed (no clue how I got home last night) at 9AM, rushed to finish packing, and booked out of town with no shower in my Rav 4 rental car.  Needless to say I felt like shit and ignored all of the Hertz "No Smoking" signs as I smoked a shitload of jacks.  It was all good though.  First off, it was BWI airport to Detroit, where I was actually booked 1st class surprisingly, and I had to sit next to this old crazy guy with eyebrows bushier than a 68 year old Chechkslokian woman's crotch.  Super gross.  I had a few bloody marys to get the juices flowing, made it to Detroit, posted up and smoked a few more cigs with these two dudes from Hotlanta, and then boarded flight 11 where I am currently sitting now. 

From Detroit to Narita takes about 12 hours.  And I'm bored as hell.  And I can't sleep on airplanes to save my life.  I mean I got about 5 hours of sleep last night, am hungover as hell, and I still can't sleep.  Oh well.  Therefore, I've been periodically giving updates during my flight that I find cool or interesting and I will post this when I finally get to the hotel.  In fact, I like this idea so much that I'll blog the entire Japan trip this way.  Call it my "Japan Diary."

 

4:30 PM Eastern Standard Time

I've been on the plane for about an hour now, and guess what everyone?!  I'm not sitting next to a super hot chick!  For the next 12 hours of my life, I will be sitting next to this older couple from Indonesia who are going home.  Apparently their son goes to Virginia Tech, so they were down in Blacksburg visiting.  They're super nice and courteous though…I like them.  Although this makes it maybe 9 flights, including about 40 different legs and I have yet to sit next to a woman.  This has NEVER happened!  Why?!  I feel like I could make a chick wanna have kids with me if she was stuck with me on a plane for 12 hours.  Oh well.

 

5:37PM Eastern Standard Time

I just ate.  It was this grilled chicken with rice and vegetables dish and also had bread, salad, and three steamed shrimp.  Yes!  Three!  I'm not kidding!  They spare no expense here at Northwest Airlines ladies and gentlemen.  The chicken wasn't that bad though, but there was this gross brown paste on top of it and it looked like some kind of gravy that never really melted all the way to reach the desired consistency.  I ate it though…haha.

 

7:11PM Eastern Standard Time

Wow, maybe this whole "Diary" idea was not a good one, because I am bored as SHIT and have nothing going on to write about.  Nothing.  Just a bunch of people sleeping.  Lots of sleep indeed.  In a related story, I still can't sleep so I'm just sitting here looking sketchy and rocking out to Metallica 'Master of Puppets' on my IPod at the moment.  Fun times!!!!

 

7:32PM Eastern Standard Time

Ok, I've gotta make this thing interesting, so I decided to do one of those little "bathroom break/walk around the plane looking at people" things.  Here's what I learned about Northwest Flight 11.

1.      There are not many hot girls on this flight.  Highly disappointing.

2.      I saw this weird Japanese guy walking around barefoot on the plane which really bothers me for some reason.   Then he posted up and started doing these weird leg stretches right in front of me, which also bothered me.  The over/under on the size of this guys penis is being set right now at 3.2 inches.  I'm taking the under.  Any takers???

3.      I was looking out the window, and I'm not sure where the hell we are but all I see is snowcapped mountains…so I'm thinking Russia.  Russia sucks one would imagine.

4.      By the way, to get out of my seat was a huge hassle.  I basically had to climb over the Indonesian couple and molest the wife in the process.  That brings up another thing…why do people think that window seats are so crucial?  I think they blow!   I mean yea, you get to lay your head on the window, but that's it.  I think aisle seats are way better.  When I booked this flight my travel agent was like, "I'll try my best to get you window seats!!!!"  and I just thought, "Cool!  Thanks!"  Thanks a lot, bitch.

5.      That was super mean…I apologize Susan at Wentz Travel.

 

8:54PM Eastern Standard Time

The guy next to me keeps trying to peep the blog so now I have to be in super stealth mode.  I need one of those cool covers that people have at work, you know the ones that block the screen so you can't see what they're doing?  They always look like they're doing some really cool top secret shit, but in reality they're just looking at eBay.  I might as well start working on the blog opening intro right now (I'll post it at the top).

 

10:00PM Eastern Standard Time

Yep, I'm still here folks.  This is super boring, I'm just listening to some Podcasts on the IPod.  I love Podcasts now by the way.  I download PTI, Around the Horn, and the BS Report every day.  I'm listening to this really cool "The Wire" discussion on the BS Report now.  It's awesome.

 

11:13PM Eastern Standard Time

Here's something else that I forgot to mention earlier.  Here in coach, you have to pay $5 for any alcoholic beverage.  Well, I conveniently forgot to hit up the ATM before boarding and of course they don't accept credit cards.  So I am alcohol free this flight, which sucks.  I'm going to go get some water.  I'll be back.

 

11:54PM Eastern Standard Time

We just had a funny little interaction occur here at seat 30C.  I rung the stewardess over because I'm thirsty as hell for some reason, so when she came over I said, "Bring me as many waters as you can carry.  I'm thirsty!"  So she laughed and went to get them.  She just came back carrying four cups of water and handed them all to me.  At the same time, the little Indonesian guy woke, looked at my four waters, looked at me, looked at the waters, looked at me, and laughed.  I offered him one but he declined and went back to sleep.  It's the little things like this that amuse me.  Oh, and we just had our first little bit of turbulence.  Three and a half more hours!!!!!!!!

 

1:20AM Eastern Standard Time

Ughhhh.  I'm so freaking tired and I just can't sleep.  I don't know what it is with me and airplanes but it sucks.  But only two more hours!!!

 

1:47AM Eastern Standard Time

Holy shit America.  I just had a stroke of genius here on the plane, or lack of, whichever way you want to look at it.  Basically on my earlier flight in 1st class, I stashed away a shooter of Skyy vodka in my pocket…and I just now remembered that I had it.  So I asked the stewardess for some bloody mary mix and she brought it along with another FREE shooter of vodka.  So it's bloody mary time!  Finally!  Hooray!  Why she didn't bring this to me maybe 10 hours ago will remain a mystery though…

 

2:15AM Eastern Standard Time

Breakfast time!  They just served us breakfast as I was crushing my fourth bloody mary, and it consisted of eggs, sausage, potatoes, fruit, and a muffin.  In a related story, I demolished it.

We're about to land in about an hour and a half…I'll keep you posted on any new developments between here and then.  I'm sure nothing exciting will happen though.

 

3:45AM Eastern Standard Time

We've landed!  I'm more excited than a fat kid going to Chuck-e-Cheese right now.  The landing was superb, no problems at all, and we are currently waiting to go to our gate to offload.  Thanks to everyone who stuck with the blog throughout the duration with me.  I apologize it wasn't more exciting, I was full heartedly hoping to thwart a terrorist attack or join the Mile High Club here on flight NW11, but none of these things ever materialized.  Maybe next time, huh?  That's it, 12 hours on a flight with a hungover Hoop City…hope ya'll enjoyed.  It's now 4:45PM on Saturday here in Japan, so I've got to rock out, no sleep and all.  Peace!

 

UPDATE:

Thanks to my horrible jet lag and all, I'm fully awake at 7AM in the morning here on Sunday and about to go get some breakfast at this crucial little place in Yokohama Station.  Here's the blog!

 

 

 

 

10:19 PM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Tuesday, April 29, 2008 

Just stopping in with some random ass links on a random ass Monday...

1.  Here is the diss track that Jay-Z recorded about DeShawn Stevenson of the Washington Wizards.  In case you live under a rock, the Wizards and Cavaliers have been locked up in a heated playoff series, which Cleveland leads 3-1, and throughout DeShawn has been jawing with the league's golden boy, LeBron James.  Being LeBron's boy (and trying to lure LeBron to the Nets in 2010 as he is part owner) Jay-Z decided to record this track to stick up for him.  Needless to say, Jay-Z is a little too old for this shit, don't ya think?  Besides, the man just got married and is spitting lines about how him and LeBron are going to "run up in" DeShawn's girlfriend.  Real classy.  The make matters worse, the song was debuted at Love in the District, a club frequented by Wizards players quite often.  Now I'm a DC head, I was in downtown last weekend for Christ's sake, so I'm going to go ahead and boycott Jay-Z and Love.  Fuck 'em....

http://www.faniq.com/blog/Video-JayZ-Has-Way-Too-Much-Free-Time-Cuts-Track-Dissing-DeShawn-Stevenson-In-Support-Of-LeBron-Blog-8447

2.  Next up, a local and obscure rapper named Pro'Verb has just come out with a track dissing Jay-Z and repping "DMV" (DC/Maryland/Virginia).  Not to be a homer or anything, but his track is actually a little better than HOVA's if you ask me.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/11202282f72613f0/

3.  Here's Pro'Verbs mySpace page.  I still find it ridiculous that no rapper has ever made it out of the DC/Baltimore area other than go-go bands.  How has this not happened?!?!?! 

(And I'm not necesarrily saying it should be this guy either.  He is boo-tey.)

http://www.myspace.com/theofficiallink

4.  Sticking with the whole "rap" theme, Redskins fans, meet your newest wide receiver Malcom Kelly!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9RiitZEHxA

5.  I'm not sure if everyone out there knows about this guy, hell I barely do, but his name is Luka Modric from Croatia and dude is sick!!!!  He was being chased by Chelsea, Manchester United, Juventus, Real Madrid, and Barcelona.  But guess who signed him???  Tottenham Hotspur!!!  This is huge for the squad and I definitely look for them making some noise and knocking on the Champions League door next season.

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5hWVZgr7RkwPX2iwCcK1vnimd3jJQ

6.  I don't know if anyone knows this about me, but I have this crazy fascination with Stephen Jackson of the Golden State Warriors, simply because he is probably the only player who could pull a glock from under his seat during a game, murder a ref, and I would not be the least bit surprised by this.  In the Sports Illustrated NBA Preview, it said that over the summer he had gotten a fresh tattoo on his chest of two hands praying in front of a church while holding a gun.  Are you kidding me???  Check out these links of the gritty, thug life, Stephen Jackson.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rB8iQnlB3k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rn6iIQvsY2w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tQQOjAOLik

7.  Does anyone out there remember how cool the WWF used to be when we were kids?  I mean we had Seargant Slaughter, Rick Flair, Hulk Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage, Mr. Perfect, Jake the Snake, Andre the Giant, the list goes on and on!  Sadly, many of these guys have died at an early age due to how shady the WWF is and how they are all 'roided up.  But anyways, check out these awesoe WWF links I came up with. 

First off, the Ultimate Warrior was one of my favorite wrestlers.  I knew back in the day that he was pretty intense, but it wasn't until I saw this clip that I realized how crazy this dude was.  Like not right in the head, this guy is on some mind blowing drug, this guy has been drinking for 45 days straight kind of crazy.  Watch the link and you'll know what I mean...the dude says that he will take control of the Hulkster's plane and intentionally crash it?!  The two pilots are "sacrifices"?!?!  Just watch...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laiZgrIpbcA

In this clip, apparently the Macho Man Randy Savage has not adapted to life after wrestling very well.  Check out his rap video that he came out with.  And yes, he is being 100% serious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK3EdfjIYxc

And here's his classic Hulk Hogan diss song.  Not quite on the same level as the Jay-Z diss, but hey.  What can you do?

(By the way, this is not the actual video.  Just two dorks just trying to re-enact.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhTfdLMkyUs

8.  I've been playing a LOT of Tecmo Super Bowl at work recently, so I think it's only fitting that I leave you with this highlight reel of the best...Tecmo Bowl player...ever.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vxnf5Tq-AcY

Holler.

 

 

2:19 AM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 

I posted the following on a Cavaliers beat reporters blog today while at work.  As you can see, I have a very high demand and busy job, as posting this and playing almost a full season of Tecmo Bowl with the Skins is all that I've accomplished today.  (By the way, Gerald Riggs and Gary Clark are KILLING it on that game!!!!)  I was actually surprised because I've been getting a lot of props from all of the Cavs fans on the website.  To all my Wiz fan readers out there, take a look at what I posted and then post some comments on your own.  This series has been like a bad dream…

..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

************************************************************************

Disillusioned Wiz fan here...bored as hell at work and surfing the net...coming in peace with some thoughts...so please don't rip me:

 

1.  Hell of a game by the Cavs, but there is no way that you are 30 points better than the Wiz.  It's getting to the point that I just think it's a mental thing when we play against ya'll...and then it's like watching a train wreck.  I've never seen this team crumble like that in game before.  Horrible performance.

 

2.  I don't mind all of the trash talk by my squad, even if it has completely backfired.  I think it adds to the series.  Too bad the Cavs have seemed to be the squad that have actually taken it to heart.

 

3.  Gilbert is no where close to 100%, and Caron is not 100% either.  He should be eating Wally World alive.  Gilbert was a detriment to the team last night.

 

4.  Haywood should have been ejected for that flagrant foul, but not suspended.  I just read on the Wizards blog that he won't be, so I'm happy about that.

 

5.  I'm getting tired of our teams thuggish tactics that they've been using thus far in this series.  I understand playing tough and laying some good hard "playoff" fouls, but it's getting to the point that it's out of control.  This team is not a tough and imposing team!!!  We never have been!!!!  And we're not going to become one over the course of one series!!!!  I say stick to what we've been for the past four seasons...put up the points and quit this hacking everytime down the floor.  I think it's getting into our heads.  All I'm saying is that when Haywood is the one laying most of our hard fouls, something is wrong.  That boys been soft since he arrived in DC.

 

6.  Props to the fans at the Q for their crowd noise.  I can't afford tix to the VC but I hope our crowd matches that.  The VC's been a tomb all season.

 

7.  No doubt about it we will play better at home, but we HAVE to take both games to have any kind of chance to win this series.  Winning both is a possibility, but definitely a long shot.

 

8.  I can understand everyone hating on DeShawn, but ya'll don't understand that he was only trying to get into LeBron's head (which obviously didn't work).  DeShawn is not a scorer, so it's pointless to make fun of him after he goes 1-9.  That's what he always does.  A good scoring game for him is definitely not the norm.  He's actually playing on the same level that he always plays on.  But I love the guys heart.

 

9. Where has Antonio Daniels been this series?  When Gilbert was out during the season, AD was like a rock for us.  Not really stat-wise, but he was a calming force and a leader on the floor.  This series he's been non-existent.

 

10.  If we don't win this series...time to blow this squad up.  Let's go Caps.

 

Peace.
************************************************************************

 

Any thoughts?
10:33 PM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Monday, April 21, 2008 

What's up everybody?  I'm just signing in real quick with some thoughts after a wild ass Tiki Bar weekend that saw me stumbling around the island recklessly, quite possibly having a sun stroke, and pounding approximately 43 cocomoe's (I think that's how their spelled...).  Needless to say that today I feel like a 75 year old man who's been smoking two packs of cigarettes a day since he was 13.  Fun times all around!!!  Let's get into it...

1.  Not that anyone cares, but I've officially decided to change the name of the blog from "Hoop Thoughts" to "County Livin'".  It's a little bit more catchy, and I'm pretty sure some dick bag already has a "Hoop Thoughts" blog online.  But like I said...nobody really cares I'm sure.

2.  Wizards, Wizards, Wizards.  What can I say Wiz fans???  Gil, Caron, Deshawn and the boys need to shut up and ball.  I'm not sure that I can emotionally handle another first round loss to this scrub ass Cleveland squad (although I will give LeBron his props...dude flat out balls).  Game 2...tomorrow night.

3.  I'm running through season 4 of the wire again on DVD, and I just want to say that Bodie getting shot has to be the most depressing thing that I have ever seen.  That scene makes me want to question life everytime I see it.  I feel like America should know this for some reason.

4.  Finally, America all knows by now that I travel to Japan quite often for work, I've been there seven times now, and that I really enjoy the country.  That being said, there are some weird little cultural quirks that I notice sometimes.  Things that just don't seem right, or morally acceptable in any way, shape, or form, yet they are quite casual and accepted over there.  Sometimes there are things that just don't seem right!!!  I'm not sure if I can explain it, so I've added this little snippet from Wikipedia...I think it says it much better than I possibly could:

The Rapeman (The レイプマン) was a hentai Japanese comic book series with a black comedy bent written by Keiko Aisaki (愛崎けいこ) and drawn by Shintaro Miyawaki (みやわき心太郎)in the late 1980s.

The main character and "anti-hero", The Rapeman, is a high school teacher by day and dispenses his surreal brand of "justice" at night under the business "Rapeman Services", which is co-run with his uncle, a former surgeon. He uses rape as his weapon. The business' motto is "Righting wrongs through penetration".

Clients call on The Rapeman to handle cases such as the revenge of a jilted lover, forming parental bonds through a traumatic crisis, making disruptive co-workers more docile and other things of that nature. When engaged in his night trade, The Rapeman wears a black leather ski mask shaped like the head of a penis but no trousers or underwear. In the middle of a rape, if the woman became unresponsive or appeared to be enjoying the violation, he would use a "special technique" such as "M69 Screwdriver" or "Infinite Loop" to apply more pain to the victim. He sometimes has regrets for the contracts he fulfills, but he always does the job.

See what I mean???  Only in Japan!!!!!!!  Hahaha.

HOLLER.

1:39 AM 
0 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Wednesday, April 02, 2008 

Hello America.  Recently, myself and the entire "Hoop Thoughts Blog" team made our first ever visit to New York City, the City that Never Sleeps, the Empire City, Gotham, The Big Apple, etc, etc, etc.  What took me so damn long to make the short visit to the City from my friendly confines of SMC you may ask?  Well, the answer is simple:  I’ve never had a reason to go, quite frankly.  Well that all changed this past weekend, as parts of my "March 2008 Vacation Tour" included Washington, DC (crazy ass homeless people there), the Jersey Shore (crazy ass Italian people there), and alas, NYC (where everyone is crazy).  Naturally, I decided to blog about my experiences in the City.  Here we go……


I first want to say that NYC is crazy, loud, crowded, dirty, grimy, and confusing.  At first that is.  We were staying at the Comfort Inn Times Square on 39th and 8th Avenues, a damn nice location in Manhattan that was three blocks south of Times Square and three blocks north of the Empire State building.  And trust me, I paid ($$$) for this location as well. 


(As for a quick Hotel Review per tradition, the Comfort Inn Times Square is a nice hotel right in the middle of everything.  The hotel is basically brand new, so while the room was small, it was all newly furnished with a flat screen and wireless.  I would give it a higher rating than what I am about to give it, but there was this late night club one door before our hotel that we had to walk past every night.  I have nothing against loud clubs or anything, but this club always had a long line of straight up HOODS with a huge bouncer at the door who looked like 8Ball.  The first night we walked past, he shouted out to me, "What’s up Big Dog?  You going to go handle your bizness??  Go get on that son!  Do your thang!!!  HOLLER!!!!"  I just gave him a "Holler!" back.  I had no clue how else to respond in this situation.


The bizarre thing was, when we walked past this club in the mornings, there were no signs with the name of the club.  No sign of any life.  Just two huge metal doors chained together.  I’m not sure if this place was even legitimate.  It was almost as if two dudes just found a vacant shop and decided, "Hey, let’s start a club!"  In a related story, I’m pretty sure that there are at least 4 shootings a month at this place.  Anyways, the hotel gets a 7.)


Once I finally got my bearings in the City, I ended up having a really good time and appreciating it for what it is.  Although the first day, I’ll have to say that I was a little shook in the City.  Since we were in Jersey already, we decided to take the train from Princeton into Penn Station, which drops you off right on 34th street and right in the middle of the craziness.  And it’s not like the crowds or anything like that was bothering me, it was just that I knew that there was tons of shit to do, but it was like I had no idea what I wanted to do or how to get there even if I wanted to do something.  That was the worst feeling.  So the first day for us consisted of walking around aimlessly looking like "tourists", checking out a few sites, and inevitably getting drunk.  But by the second day, I had finally gotten the lay of the land (super easy to navigate actually), even had hit up the subway to Staten Island (where I had to endure the longest freestyle ever by some random dude and sit next to some guy who smelled like SHIT to the point that I had to just stand), and got to see a lot more of the sights.


All in all, I ended up doing the "tourist" thing without looking like too much of a tourist, seeing the Empire State Building (the view at night of the City is gorgeous…right up until the 40 MPH winds gust and my fear of heights kick in), Rockefeller Center, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty, a Broadway play, and even got to see a crazy animal protest outside of Saks 5th Avenue.  Fun times!!!


Here are some of my thoughts on the City:


Fashion:

I don’t get it.  It’s NEW YORK for Christ’s sake.  Why does everyone dress like hoboes???  I’m being honest; I don’t get the fashion sense up there.  It’s like everyone is walking around like they don’t give a fuck.  And the single worst fashion item in NYC???  The shoes.  I swear, I saw about 25 tight shoe shops just walking around, yet everyone is walking around wearing dirty, grungy shoes.  And that goes for the ladies too.  I only saw a handful of chicks wearing hot boots…and they were all Asian imports from what I could tell.  Go figure.  So here’s a new nickname for NYC: The Poop Shoe Capital of the World.


Chicks:

The chicks in NYC are gorgeous.  Other than my little rant above about their shoe collections, there is any kind of chick you could ever want.  Very diverse as you would imagine.  I love chicks of every style, as long as they have some kind of style.  Although the chicks walking around like they’re a star of "Sex and the City" all sound like they smoke a pack of Camel Unfiltered a day.  It’s gross.


Dudes:

I’m not sure I’m getting the style here.  Every dude is either a gritty ass gangster, a grungy dude looking like they just left a Nirvana concert, or look like they iron their jeans and rock sports coats.  Not feeling it.  Oh yeah, there’s tons of homos too. 


(Note:  I have nothing against homos.)


Music:

I love the whole music vibe of the city.  Everything you hear playing is music for NOW if you know what I mean.  I even bought one of those hip-hop cd’s off one of the dudes on the street for $3 with an autograph and everything!  In a related story, it sucks.


Party Girls:

There are tons of party girls in NYC.  My favorite was when I walking in Times Square Saturday night and this super drunk girl was running around on the pavement with no shoes OR socks on.  As a group of dudes outside started making fun of her and yelling, "Go put some shoes on BITCH!!!"  she shouted back, "F*** YOU!!!!  It’s my 21st birthday!!!!  I can do whatever I want!!!!!"  while her boyfriend struggled to pull her back into the club with a look on his face that said, "I can’t wait to dump this bitch in the morning…."   I enjoyed that.


Times Square:

Times Square is a lot of fun with tons of shops, restaurants, etc.  But it’s too damn crowded and everything is super expensive…it’s almost like you’re paying 50% more for anything you buy.  And by the way, on every jumbo TV screen they were hyping the WWE Wrestlemania fight between the Big Show and Floyd Mayweather.  This has to be the most ridiculous fight of all time.  Even if it is fake.


Comedy Dicks:

This is kind of funny.  In Times Square and pretty much anywhere else you go in the City, there’s these dudes that look like extras from a Pearl Jam video that are constantly trying to hustle comedy show tickets.  Before I go into my story, I want to say that on Saturday morning one guy approached me with an actually good line, saying, "What are you doing tonight?  You should come to this club, its fun."  Basically he showed me the pamphlet for the club, called the Comic Strip Live, and all of the famous comedians that had performed there in the past like Dave Chapelle, Jerry Seinfeld, Eddie Murphy, and (The Worst Comedian Alive) Dane Cook.  It’s actually the club where Seinfeld filmed his opening stand up acts for his TV show.  I ended up buying tickets for the show because I needed something to do after my Broadway show and because they served drinks and everything.  A long story short, we ended up not going because after Broadway I didn’t feel like sitting through another "show."  (But the tickets are still good through the end of May, so if anyone’s visiting the City anytime soon, holler at me.)


The point of that above story was to tell that there was at least one cool comedy show hustler in Times Square.  For the rest, I hated them.  When you walk by, they will say "Hey do you like comedy???"  or "Hey do you want to see a comedy show tonight???"  Naturally, you will just walk by and not say anything back to these dudes.  Well these little bastards will reply to your silence by saying something smart like, "Oh, good answer.  You’re real cool."  Or "What, you can’t speak???"  Or "So, you don’t like to laugh?  You’re a cool dude.  Real cool."  But seriously though, how are you supposed to reply to these things?  Should I just say, "No, I hate comedy and I hate laughing!"  I hate these pricks.


So on Saturday night, we were walking in Times Square behind another couple and this little weasel, grungy, gross comedy guy pops out of nowhere and starts walking beside the couple.  He starts into them by mocking how they are walking and saying, "SOOOO.  You guys enjoying your little romantic stroll through Times Square?  Do you like comedy?  Come to our show!"  When he got no response from them, he became even more dickish, saying, "Oh, I see.  You hate comedy, huh?  You just want to walk romantically?  Is that what you want to do???"  Lucky for him, the guy in front of me had slightly less swag than myself, so he just kept walking and paid no attention to the comedy dick. 


At this point, I know that after getting no response from the first couple, we are prime real estate for him to turn around to us and try the same tactic, so I start thinking of some kind of reply in my head.  Eventually I had it worked out to where if he were to start walking next to us and start saying the same stuff, I was going to say, "Nobody wants to see your struggling comedy act."  That was my line.  That was it.  It was going to be perfect.  He would have been shook if I were to say that.  He would have no reply!!!!


Soon enough, he grew bored with the non-responsive couple in front of us, so he turned around, started walking next to us and tried to hassle us.  Our conversation went like this:


Comedy Dick: "So, you guys enjoying your little romantic…."

Me: (Cutting him off) "Fuck off little dick."

Comedy Dick: (Stops walking) "Ohhhhh!"


And yes, he did indeed fuck off…haha.  I have no idea where that response came from though.  It was way off from my original planned response.  But it worked nonetheless.  (And it helped that I was heavily intoxicated.)


Arabs:
Now I have nothing against Arabs.  I am not racists at all.  But I did find it interesting the amount of Arabs that were visiting the Ground Zero memorial site.  The site itself isn’t completed yet; there is a large sign commemorating the site and all of that good stuff, you can see the massive crater left from the buildings and you can even still use the Subway there.  But that’s about it.

The funny part was when everyone was solemnly looking at the building site, there was this group of three Arab guys standing next to me; all taking pictures of the site and laughing and joking in whatever language they were speaking.  For some reason, this really angered me at the moment, and in my head I tried to translate what they were exactly saying.  It came out like this:


Guy 1:  "You know my cousin did that shit, right?"

Guy 2:  "Who???  Abdul?"

Guy 3:  "No, no, no.  It was Tariq.  He was dating Macula, right?"

Guy 1:  "Yeah, it was Tariq."

Guy 2:  "That bastard."

Guy 1:  "Why?  He is a hero.  Jihad!"

Guy 2:  "Jihad this. (Grabbing crotch)  That bastard owed me twenty bucks!"

Guy 1, 2, 3:  (Laughing)


(Note:  That was highly insensitive and racists.  But funny.)


Broadway:

My experience at the Broadway production of "Chicago" was mixed to say the least.  Our seats were sick, right in the middle of the stage, four rows back.  The play itself wasn’t all that bad; I’m the type of dude that can handle all of the singing and dancing and not want to slit my wrists.  But for some reason I just found the play to be boring.  I’m not sure why because "Chicago" by all accounts is a very popular show, but by the second half I was having difficulties staying awake.


Intermission was the greatest part of the show, as it seemed like half of the theatre came outside to smoke cigs.  I swear, this was the probably the greatest cig of all time.  Even people who don’t smoke were lighting up cigs.  It was a cig smoker’s paradise. 


Regarding the show, it was slightly boring like I said above…but there were some funny aspects to be recorded.  First, the guy who played the lawyer for the showgirls was played by this dude who looked like a cross between Vince McMahon and Michael Buffer, and he was hilarious because you could tell that he thought he was cool as s***.  I hated this guy.  Secondly, there was this posse of about 6 guys who were backup dancers and it became our favorite game to decide which ones were gay and which ones were parlaying their Broadway careers into banging all of the girl performers.  In the end, we decided that one guy may have been straight, but his sassy little twirl and spirit fingers during his curtain call dashed any hopes of that.  And one guy was incredibly hilarious.  He was bald with a chinstrap, HUGE…I mean ripped to the point that he could rip my head off with ease, and was wearing this sassy little leather vest with incredibly tight pants.  The dude seriously looked like a member of Rhammstein (Du Hast!).  Anyway, just seeing such a massive, ripped dude twirling around with spirit fingers on stage was extremely funny to me.  Finally, one of the female performers was this sultry ass red head who was wearing a bra, thong, see through tights, and high heels.  This lady was the most intense performer on stage, and I swear that throughout the whole show she was staring directly at me as she was intensely and seductively dancing on stage.  I swear to this!  It got to the point that I just wanted to run up on stage, tackle the s*** out of her, and have gross, dirty, nasty sex in front of the whole theatre.  This would have made my Broadway experience 500% better.  I’m pretty sure of this.


In retrospect, I think that NYC is an awesome city with so much to do and see.  If you have the cash that is.  While I’m still not sure that I could live there (driving in the City is a whole ’nother demon), I could definitely visit there…a lot.  And by the end of my stay, I was actually nothing like the "tourist" that I was when I had first arrived.  I was much more of a New Yorker.  In fact, as we were walking to Penn Station on Sunday afternoon, some disheveled looking girl came up to me at the crosswalk and asked, "Excuse me.  Can you tell me how to get to 45th and 9th Avenue???"  So I calmly pointed her in the right direction.  Fucking tourists...


Holler.

 

7:06 PM 
0 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate
Monday, February 11, 2008 

Hello America.  It's a VERY slow Monday here at the office, with everyone still recovering from the weekend and trying to get their "work hats" back on.  For myself, I have absolutely nothing to do.  At.  All.  My groups travel money has been on hold for a while now, and quite frankly we are at a point right now where we can't do anything until we can travel, so work is at a standstill right now.  And let me tell you, if there's anyone out there that needs to travel big time, it would be me.  I haven't been out of the county for an extended period since October, and quite frankly when I don't travel for this long, I start to go slighty crazy.  Thankfully, a Japan trip looks like it should be in the works for next month, so I'm holding out hope that this actually occurs before I legally go nuts.

Anyway, I'm going to use this lazy Monday to post a "housecleaning" blog of sorts, just to get some shit out of the way and on paper for America to read.  Here we go....

1.  When I first started posting, I had my target number of readers set at 1,000,000.  Yes, that is one million if you don't feel like counting the 0's.  Well....I'm sad to say that we are still quite far away from reaching that quota, as we currently sit at 1,595 readers.  I'll admit, 1,600 is pretty good for a poop, "county living" blog if I may, but I need more dammit!  Tell your friends...

2.  A few blogs ago, I posted my "1st Annual English Premier League Preview", if anyone out there remembers.  Being new to this "soccer" thing, naturally I expected my predictions to be off by a little bit.  Here's how the standings sit currently (with teams having played either 25 or 26 games depending on their schedule out of the 38 fixtures in a season) as compared to where I had the respective teams finishing:

1.  Arsenal - 60 (I had them finishing 4th...didn't expect them to be this good!)

2.  Man United - 58 (Had them 1st - if you take my flip flopping into account.  They still have a shot!)

3.  Chelsea - 55 (2nd.  I find Chelsea to be a very boring team to watch.)

4.  Everton - 47 (12th...I was way off on this one.  They sit in the final Champions League spot right now, which is HUGE for those who don't have a clue.)

5.  Liverpool - 44 (I had the Reds coming in at 3...now they'll have to fight it out for that final Champions League spot.)

6.  Aston Villa - 44 (7th.  Not too far off.)

7.  Manchester City - 44 (11th.  Having a really good year  under Sven Goran Erickkson.)

8.  Portsmouth - 41 (8th.  Spot on.)

9.  Blackburn - 39 (10th)

10.  West Ham - 37 (9th)

11.  Tottenham - 32 (4th.  This was the biggest error in my predictions right here.  Fucking Spurs.  They did make some crucial signings in defense and have been playing a lot better under Juande Ramos though, so expect to see them move up before the seasons over.)

12.  Middlesbrough - 29 (15th.  A couple of months ago, I almost got into a squabble with a British, Middlesbrough supporter at the local bar.  Apparently, he took offense to my constant "Middlesbrough sucks!!!!" chants.  In a related story, Middlesbrough still sucks.)

13.  Newcastle - 28 (6th.  I was way off on this one.  Big Sam got the heave ho early.)

14.  Sunderland - 26 (19th.  They're only 4 points clear of the drop zone.)

15.  Bolton - 25 (13th)

16.  Wigan - 23 (18th)

17.  Birmingham - 22 (14th)

18.  Reading - 22 (17th)

19.  Fulham - 19 (16th.  This team keeps buying up American players and keeps losing.  Hmmmmmm.)

20.  Derby - 9 (20th.  I got one right!)

I was surprised that my predictions weren't all THAT bad.  If I were to switch Everton with Tottenham in my predictions, they would be really close to actuallity.  Once the season is completed, be on the lookout for a full length season wrap-up.  I have a lot more to say about the season (and especially Tottenham!).

3.  Super Bowl XLII Recap

For Super Bowl XLII, I went up to Reston, VA (nice area by the way) to watch the game with my buddies Matt, Timmy, and BWill.  And all I have to say about the game is...WOW.  What an incredible game.  I'd rank it as the greatest Super Bowl that I've ever seen.  When the Redskins last won the Super Bowl, I was 7 or 8 at the time, so while I still do have memories of this, they are pretty vague to say the least...so I can't count that one.  The only other games that rank for me are the Rams-Titans game, when Kevin Dyson got pulled down 1 yard shy of the tying touchdown, and the first Patriots Super Bowl win when they were 14 point underdogs to the Rams.  But THIS Super Bowl outranks all of the above, and for obvious reason.

I've been reading a lot of news articles and perspectives on the game, and my anaylsis is that the Patriots got a little too comfortable and a little too "Hollywood" throughout their perfect season, and the well coached and fearless Giants simply wanted it more than they did.

Before the game, as we were all beginning to booze and grill up some food, I felt the need to slap some money on the game as everyone else was doing the same.  So what did I take?  I decided to say "Ef it" and put down some duckets on the Giants moneyline, which was -300 or something like that...you know, just to give me some extra rooting interest in the ball game.  I expected it to be close, because let's be honest...the Giants had been playing great football throughout the playoffs while the Patriots were simply playing uninspired football. 

But I never thought that goofy Eli Manning would ever outplay the "great" Tom Brady in a game of this magnitude, but it happened.  It left us all watching the game excited (as we continued to booze and chew apple dip) because we knew we were watching a great game...something that doesn't happen that often anymore.  Plus, we were witnessing the fall of quite possibly "The Greatest Team of All Time" and their "perfect" quarterback, who was hit hard repeatedly by the aggressive and athletic defensive linemen of New York.  Let's be honest right now.  While nobody wants to admit to being a hater, every male in America who is not from New England was loving watching Tom Brady get hit so hard and perform so poorly.  This guy is perfect!  He handles himself well in any situation, he's arguably the greatest quarterback ever, he bangs supermodels, and he probably has a two foot penis.  So naturally everytime he got drilled into the ground, we were all loving it.

The final drive by the Giants was a thing of beauty to watch, with Eli escaping the grasps of 35 Patriots and slinging the ball downfield to David Tyree.  David Tyree!!!!!  The guy had 4 catches all season, and arguably made the biggest contribution of any player on the field.

Just an all around great game, culminating with a bunch of drunken dudes with dip dripping from their mouths jumping around high-fiving each other, a shot of an injured Jeremy Shockey pounding vodka and red bulls in his suite, numerous shots of an awkward Peyton Manning studying the game in the solitude of his suite, and the tree troll that is Bill Bellicheck leaving the field before the game was even over...dick.

For the record, my favorite commercial was the one with the guy getting interviewed who had the stain on his shirt that kept talking when he was trying to talk.  That one cracked me up...haha.

One more thing...I just want to let the Reston boys know that I have since picked up a pack of Skoal Apple.  Thanks for that.

4.  I'm going to leave you guys with something pretty off topic, but funny nontheless.  I received this text message from my sister maybe a week ago:

"My kids asked if God was older than pop pop.  Lol."

Just to let you know, Pop Pop is my grandfather.  Now that's comedy...hahaha.

HOLLER

8:50 PM 
1 Comments
(Add Comment) |
Translate