Kalieodoscope prisms collect the bouncing colored light………….reflections of my thoughts late into the night

And I see you in my minds eye..  as if watching a scene from an old movie

Listen to the notes floating sweetly echo a  haunting in my memory

And I sing your name hold onto hope …..rays of rainbow  streams as notes in the wind

Roses petals soft scent aroma permeate

    the vibrance expressing my hearts  desire

Exploding into a fire shooting start the sky with brilliant illumination

And then resting into the darkness inviting me to disapear....and I am wishing that you were here....

I felt  your voice and it touched me softly  like angel wings

 wrapped around me strong just like I belonged….

and I remembered you  like the words  to my  favorite  song

a melody that tastes so sweet and we inhaled the fragrance of gardenias petals soft

And it never really matters if the poetry rhymes, recognition transcends time

For  I travelled in an instant to secret  places where we would  meet

As  I remembered you like the  words to my favorite song

Blowing bubbles into the air doesn’t matter I don’t care ….dancing free wind in my hair

And it never really matters if the poetry rhymes, recognition transcends time

She  danced on the beach…hunting for the agates smooth…  and the trees whispered secrets of her scent …..intoxicating aroma sweet.     Victorian woman  with her corset tight…satin soft her soft eyes allure.   And as  the sun rose in Paris  far away the stars shone brightly and she watched the sky with clear intent  sending  him dreams of mermaids swimming through the sea.  Kissing his eyelids softly as he slept in deep content......  their  woven words  made a  fabric  brillant with  strands of colors interacting like the notes of a song creating a blanket of brilliance covering him .   She listened to the quiet and observed  the residual left behind of  silent words shared and it looked  like tinkerbells sparkles... little tiny bursts of color exploding then falling gently into the darkness ……and the lullaby of the waves soothed her senses sweet...

When one gives love without conditions many things can transpire….

In being human we are frail, we are self absorbed we are unable to see the larger picture.  We are unable to look at our own being and accept our own fraility.   I try each day to want to walk the walk …to create and transform my being into one who truly loves authentically.  My armour is my God and my shield is my faith.   And in that I dream into existance the most beautiful people, the most loving souls and some here only for a short while.. yet I cherish them.   My life is like sand…. If you look closely at the handful of what appears to be dull dirt…. You will see the wonderous assembly of colored crystals shining bright.  Each tiny partical is beautiful and is a part of the composition.    Sand castles are buildt and wash away back into where they came from.  Never  remembered but back to the whole.

I honor my experiences.  I love authentically.  My springboard is my foundation strong… it never waivers, I cannot fail.   And the beauty of this life… with all the pain and circumstances is not mine at all but here to give away.    Life is sometimes very sad, very hard and very lonely.  Yet if I look  carefully… and greet each morning with renewed vigor so can this day be one where my love can make a difference.    I give and I receive…and I cherish those who love me back.  Those who also know authentic love for it is you who fuel my quest, charge my soul and give me reason to carry on…… 

I sit in the light ….under the tree, in my garden… in my mind

And in my heart, in my soul there is a completeness …I am whole

Letting go, giving in it is so easy… surrender to win

.. ..

Little smile on my face…I take my finger my lips I trace… eyes are bright childlike awe

In the present my secret place

Having hope holding on sliding down  release the rope

Letting go, giving in ….. it is so easy surrender to win…

.. ..

The day is new… I walk the walk.. it is to you.. to you I talk

I take your hand ..hold it tight….we start the day we fight the fight

My tears are silent no one can see the pain I feel for you for me

Letting go, giving in….. its is so easy surrender to win…..

In remembrance of  Sister Anna Cox…………for William

In my vision you wander through the fields kicking up your heels for  that child inside you   never grew… arms open to all and you caught me when I would fall…kick start me to straighten up… and Sister Anna you knew my soul your friendship made me whole and you helped me grow….

Heart so kind, mind so sharp….sweet sounds of your voice echos like angels harp…carried a melody that spoke to many… And I laugh remembering the twinkle in your eyes paired with that sideways smile  Like you saw right through me…. and Sister Anna you knew my soul your friendship made me whole and you helped me grow….

Remember when we walked that time… speaking of his love and how everything is in Gods time..you said all would be just fine.  And we laughed in light of the pain as you taught me about Gods grace….put your palm on my face and and Sister Anna you knew my soul your friendship made me whole and you helped me grow….

So dance free into the realms heavens light all around you.. no one could ever ground you..

Had that special way of making everyones day …like a lighthouse shining bright, I close my eyes and say goodbye…… but always knowing you are a part of my legacy… and Sister Anna you knew my soul your friendship made me whole and you helped me grow….

Synchonicity is such a wonderous feeling… when everything seems to just fall in place.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again"

I have had some great falls in my life… fallen from Grace, been lost, been depressed…died and been reborn or so it feels that way.  I have journeyed alone through trials, watched as loved ones died, lived without a family unit… but always somehow like a cat with nine lives seem to come up on my feet.    For the last seven years or so, I lived a quiet life… solitary and focused.   I centered on creating a foundation based on God not humans.  I am in the process of the study of spirtual principles.   I have and am working on clearing up the wreakage of my past.  And in cleaning my spiritual house I experienced an awakening.    I was celibate and focused on Gods love…developing a relationship with self and finding my purpose.  It has given my life meaning.  This year is coming to a close … it has been the most incredible journey.  I have loved and I have lost.  I have fallen off the wall many times!

And each time time I experienced  "the great fall" that shattering of the heart … I started slowly  to learn how to put  back the pieces "together again"  In the beginning it took help from friends and then… I was able to do it myself.  At first it was very difficult.  But after several falls it got easier and easier.   Now, it doesn't  hurt as much to fall anymore… the reslience and fortitude and strength has become like the armour of God.

I anticipate it.... with giving unconditional love... you have that opportunity to enhance anothers life and then there is the consequence of loving that human.  That consequence is pain.  But the gift is mine, in knowing their souls and touching their lives in only the way that I  know to do.  It is my hope that my imprint will forever make a mark, plant a seed that will grow in years to come.  They will remember me.

The joy in knowing that everything is happening the way it should and to accept the miracle of my life..watching it unfold is priceless.   The pain is real and that is the pain that one has living in this world…. , the lonliness in the night is becoming a warm blanket of comfort as I embrace the darkness and travel in my mind to my secret garden.   There I am in the presence of the light of God and dance with the angels.

I used to fall off the wall and felt  every shattered piece.. the pain.. the angst, the sorrow that look on my face like a child who has just experienced his or her first burn…  But that pain is now easing up….  I just put the pieces back together again.. in a  methodical way, I know where they all go.  Its kinda like getting back in line to go on the rollercoaster that scares you to death.  You don't really want to go again but you find yourself standing in line!

I have learned to not force my wilI but to let God have his hand in everything.  I have learned that if I just let everything go… especially people… that they will become beautiful chapters in my life story.  Sometimes, they weave in and out… some will be lifelong characters where others simply a paragraph.  But each adding color to the story and some more remarkable than others.  Some very significant… others will just be sidelines filling up space.  I just love the characters.  I am so in love very entranced today with my life, I just can't wait to turn the page!!!   Even the most dramatic and terrible pain is but bittersweet life experiences and is just a part of this world.  Its all just a part of being alive.  I no longer fear loss,  for I recognize now it is just another door that is closed and that a new one opens.  I grieve the losses, the death of the children, of animals and of relationships.   But that is the book of life wonderous and bittersweet.

What is so interesting is that now that I know how to put those pieces back together again,  I am so ready to get back on the wall!   Because its good to know that eventually one of these times when I fall…………. I  wont shatter but I  will be caught that and all will be as it should and it will just fall in place!

It's easy to fall in love. The hard part is finding someone to catch you
~Bertrand Russell~
(May 18, 1872– February 2, 1970)

I miss you little cat… you were my companion sweet ..twenty years of loving you

I can't let you go…. You haunt me… the pain continues and tears fall… will it ever go away

When memories wil be sweet instead?  ….. and I wonder if you are in heaven

Will I see you again…. ?

Its been months since you died and I still cry everyday….

I have loved, I have lost but nothing compares to that unconditional love you gave me…. …those years of loving me… you were always there my only constant….when everything changed..   I listen to Amazing grace  your namesake…  and tears fall……  I miss you little cat….

In the early morning if you listen.. you can hear my smile and see my  touch

Letting you go to the wind…. Made for colors lovely and bright

Hummingbirds flight…… then you reached out to me and I felt you all over again.

 She makes way for her destiny her journey… Yet to be revealed..

My arms stretch out for something to hold onto and I fall…… into the net

 of all that is……

 and of all that will be…..

 as his divine arms catch me and I bounce back and out  into the new day……

like a cat who lands on her feet..then looks around  like it was done with purpose