It's really great but it sucks too. I miss seeing people who I don't see every day. I worry that some people are less patient with me than others.

I have a life conflict. What do I do? Do I run away from the doomed world I was born into or fight against it despite what appears to be a hopeless war? Running and fighting are both difficult but in different ways. It takes a lot of energy to run but with little reward, It takes a lot of patience to prepare for the fight but with no guaranteed reward.

Perhaps that is a little too melodramatic?

Regardless, in some way this conflict manifests itself in subtle ways.

Music VS school
Friends VS school
Love VS school
A career teaching VS a career in science VS no career at all

Add it all up and you have...

These are all important things to me and I believe and I'm interested in a synthesis of all these things. But are there are tradeoffs? In the biological world the niche specialist, say an anteater, dominates its own craft. Anteaters are one hell of an ant eating machine but are relatively poor at everything else. The generalist can, however, exploit multiple resources let it be ant, beetles, pygmy rabbits, psuedoscorpions, whatever. The problem here is that there are already niche specialists for ants, beetles, pygmy rabbits, psyuedoscoprions, whatever and they're more likely to out compete the generalist.

what does that mean?

I don't know...

It's all more complicated than any of this.

Cheers,

Jonathan

p.s.- to the ones I don't get to see so much these days...

I miss you and think of you more often than you may realize. I hope you're well. You should call me as I have a very hard time slowing down and it is often difficult for me to leave my two neighborhood radius.

Whilst walking out of a movie theatre in downtown Seattle last night, Gary, Jessica, and myself were asked by a young man 18-21years old (accompanied by two other young men and one strange young woman 16-20years old), "Are you going to the Blood Brothers concert." to which Gary and I replied, "?" and Jessica replied, "I haven't listened to the Blood Brothers since I was 10 years old." The strange young woman, obviously freezing to death in only a kiss tank top and two-toned blue hair, was somehow extremely offended because, although she obviously didn't hear the comment, she went after Jessica like a bat out of hell.

 I tried my best to calm the girl down by conjuring up an oral contract of peace but that only seemed to upset her more. With my hands raised in the air to display my harmlessness, she lunged like some giant wild blue haired cat animal thing. Gary tried to get in between her and myself but everything was too late. She hit me square on the forehead. I stood confused for a moment. Her friends pulled her away explaining to us that she was drunk. We walked away, blood pressure raised, I couldn't feel the cold. I wasn't hurt. It felt as though I was hit in the forehead with a stuffed animal.

A block later we started laughing and laughed the rest of the way to Gary's place. I still don't understand it. What reason they would have to want to pick on three innocent people walking out of a movie theatre I am unsure. There was an obvious clash of counter cultures involved. What our culture was I don't know and what there's was I had no concern. What use is there for two groups of people both commonly alienated by the same mass society to want to pick on one another based on an aesthetic preference for one piece of music or hair style or dress to another—I don't know. I think we have more in common than out of common.

I doubt very much that I am in any way responsible for this girl's anger. Perhaps we should sit and think about ourselves a little more (why am I so angry?) and then perhaps we should think about our biotic and abiotic environment for a little bit longer. We should assess our reaction to it, find out what works, and what doesn't and why. Then we can do something about it instead of physically attacking me with your McDonald's softened fist.

All I know is that I was assaulted by a complete stranger for no apparent reason. My attempt at peace was useless in the face of a more aggressive animal. Maybe she wasn't listening? Maybe we should have ignored them? Maybe Gary should have stuck his fist out for her to run into? Who knows?

 If you find yourself feeling angry like this girl, please for my sake, think about that feeling for a little while consider the ecology of that feeling and if you still feel justified in hitting me in the forehead than maybe that's okay... maybe.

As of right now I have exactly 10,000 profile views.

Just thought I'd share that... and perhaps this...

Schmidt Sting Pain Index

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Schmidt Sting Pain Index or The Justin O. Schmidt Pain Index is a scale rating the relative pain caused by different Hymenopteran stings. It is mainly the work of Justin O. Schmidt, an entomologist for whom the index is named. Schmidt has published a number of papers on the subject and claims to have been stung by the majority of stinging Hymenoptera.

His original paper in 1984 was an attempt to systematise and compare the hemolytic properties of insect venoms. The index contained in the paper started from 0 for stings that are completely ineffective against humans, progressed through 2, a familiar pain such as a common bee or wasp sting, and finished at 4 for the most painful stings. In the conclusion, some descriptions of the most painful examples were given, e.g.: "Paraponera clavata stings induced immediate, excruciating pain and numbness to pencil-point pressure, as well as trembling in the form of a totally uncontrollable urge to shake the affected part."

Subsequently, Schmidt has refined his scale, culminating in a paper published in 1990 which classifies the stings of 78 species and 41 genera of Hymenoptera. Notably, Schmidt described some of the experiences in vivid and colorful detail:

• 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
• 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
• 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
• 2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
• 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine WC Fieldscigar on your tongue. extinguishing a
• 2.x Honey bee and European hornet.
• 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
• 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of Hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
• 4.0 Pepsis wasp: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath (if you get stung by one you might as well lie down and scream).
• 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch nail in your heel.

These are the plants in my life.
I water and tend to their needs and they grow and feed my curiosity.
We make each other happy.
Let me introduce you to them...

I've had this ficus the longest (almost four years). My oldest sister gave me this tree when I moved out of her basement. It has always reminded me of Gumby.



You might have noticed the orange feather and the small porcelain cat one of my other sisters gave me.



This is a weird tree I got from Ikea three or so years ago



there's a small piece of beach glass at the base.



I got this jade plant from my roommate Jessica for my birthday this year.



This is the cherry tomato plant I bought as a seedling from the farmers market in march. It was only six inches tall when I bought it.




It's fruiting.



These are the roses I tend in the yard.





These are the anise plants that have been growing nearly a foot every two days over the past week. The tallest ones are nearly 10 feet tall now.



I had plans to grow a bunch of vegetables but our yard doesn't get enough direct sunlight. Instead I've decided to try and grow something else...



facial hair...
Given the density of nearly white blond hairs, I'm afraid this latest experiment may be heading the way of my garden.