Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 30
Sign: Capricorn
City: SPRINGFIELD
State: OHIO
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/27/2006
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November 24, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood:  annoyed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Okay so where do I start with this whole Martha Stewert hating on Racheal Ray thing? Maybe I should tell you first about my unnatural hatred of Martha Stewart. I don't know where it springs from (maybe from the inherent sense of evil I feel emanating from her over the air waves when I see her on TV?), but the woman really rubs me the wrong way. And maybe the word is more like "grate" instead of "rub". Ever since I have ever known about the woman, every time I see her, hear her voice, name, or see her products, it makes me gnash my teeth together. I know part of it has to do with her uppity manner. The woman seems to me like she doesn't just have a stick up her butt, but rather like she has the whole damn tree.
I have to say that I wasn't surprised by the fact that she went to prison, but more surprised about what she went to prison for. I thought it would have been something far worse than securities fraud, and some other shit they got her on with that wall street deal. I figured they had found dead bodies on Turkey Hill or something like that. But nnnnoooooo! She had to further disappoint me by commiting a white collar crime, thus taking away my joy that she might have gotten caught red handed at something that proves her of evil and confirming my unnatural hatred. The bitch!
Now have I watched her show? Nope! I saw one episode and from there the hatred grew. Which is why I say it is unnatural. I just don't like her! I don't care what good idea or tip she comes up with. If I know it's attributed to her? Fuck it! I ain't doin' it! I don't care how much easier it would make my life, how much easier it will help my cakes release from their pans, etc...I just don't give a shit! If it came from her mouth, I don't wanna hear it!
So anyway, about the deal with Racheal Ray. Which let me tell you, Martha has since apologized for it...Another reason for me to hate her. Because it seems to have taken the wind out of my sails....The bitch! But anyhoo! What she had to say about Rachel Ray is that what she does is "not good enough for me," and saying that Rachael Ray is more of an entertainer than a chef.
You uppity bitch! Where the fuck do you get off!? Where the hell does it say that YOU went to cullinary school? Yes you went to college, had your own catering business, blah, blah, blah. But did you go to cullinary school!? Nope! I can't find anywhere that it says you did. So wouldn't that mean that you yourself are more of an entertainer than a chef? (How did I suddenly start talking directly to Martha?!...Aw fuck it. I'll just go with it...)
But see, here's the difference between you and Rachael Ray, she has enough sense not to go hating on other people (atleast not in public anyway) about not being a chef though they work in the food industry. Because she knows she wouldn't have a leg to stand on about it. And she has repeatedly told people that she has no cullinary degree. AND! She had enough sense to take the slam graciously by replying, "I really just think she's being honest," Ray said. "She does have a better skill set than I do when it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal. I'd rather eat Martha's [food] than mine, too." (Which let me tell ya'. I'm a little annoyed at Rachael for not ripping into the woman. I would just love for someone to really rip that woman's ass apart. I figured Rachael would have been the girl for it. But no, she had to have some class....*sigh*)
And no Martha, what Rachael does may not be good enough for you. But who fucking cares? Her recipies are still good! That's what's great about her cooking! She shows you that just about anybody can do it! It's creative and fun. It's not like baking, where it's more of a scientific formula (and Rachael has claimed she's not a baker). You can throw shit in a pan and just see what happens. What's great about Rachael is that she worked hard to get where she is today, WITH OUT A CULLINARY DEGREE....Just like you did Martha!
And where the hell were your PR people when you slammed her?! Yes I know that we really shouldn't expect anything less than snobbery from you, but Jesus! Can't some one put a muzzle on it! And then you have to go and disappoint me by apologizing! DAMN IT!
And I'm spent.....
See?! I told you it was unnatural.
It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done. (And if you're a fan of Martha, don't come in here trying to defend her because I don't wanna hear it. I told you it was unnatural! There's no rational to my hatred. It just is. I have learned to embrace it and go with the flow. I suggest you do the same.)
 | Currently reading:
Tell No One
By Harlan Coben
Release date: 2002-02-26 |
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November 23, 2009 - Monday
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Current mood:  bored
Category: Life
Nothing much going on around here again. Well maybe some things.....
-- Our cat "Boo"......
passed away over Friday night. I can't say that I'm sad as much as I am relieved. He was 10 years old and we're surprised he's lived this long. As many fights as he's gotten into? That cat was a scrapper. It was funny. He didn't mind us bringing other cats into the house, he didn't mind my mom's cats, my sister's cats, or any of the neighbors cats. he seemed to get along with all of them pretty well. But if there was a cat that came in from outside the neighborhood, he'd be all over them. He'd run them off. David and I referred to him as "The Gladiator". The cat refused to quit fighting! And he was fixed!
So we noticed this year and the one before, he wasn't bouncing back from the fights like he used to. He used to walk around like nothing happened. But the past year or so, he'd come and stay inside for a few days sleeping and eating. Then he'd go back outside. And he started staying closer to home. He just wasn't as proud looking as he used to be. He started to always looked scared. I hated to see him like that. So, it's a relief for me that he's passed away.
-- Finally got around to making duk bokki......
We made ours with squid. Friday we made a trip to Don Yang's (that's the korean store we always go to) to get supplies. We've been going through the hot pepper powder and hot pepper paste pretty fast. But when we go there, we always look through everything to see if there's anything new to try. We were going through the freezer cases and found a package of frozen squid. *bells ringing*.....We love squid! It was only $3.49. If we had found it at Kroger's it would have cost double the price. Just the fish alone is expensive at Krogers. We also saw an octopus tentacle in the freezer case. I was tempted to get it. But I need to learn how to cook it first.
So we got the squid and I found some rice dough cylinders called "garaeddeok".........
to make the duk bokki with. We also got korean peanut cookies, tofu cookies, some noodles, and a big jar of kimchi.....
Oh it smelled so good in our house last night! While David watched the Bengals loose to the Raiders, I sliced up the squid and the rice dough, made a spicy sauce for David & I , and made a sauce for the kids. David made the rice and it smelled so damn good in our house last night! Next I'm going to try my hand at kimchi stew.
That's about all that's been going on around here. Nothing new really. I was gonna bitch about Martha Stewart hating on Rachael Ray...But I don't seem to have the veheminence in me to do so. Which is starnge. Because normally I hate Martha Stewart every fiber of my being. It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done! But first! A happy picture. Peanut and Grunt taking a nap together.......
*Have you heard about Martha hating on Rachael? What are your thoughts?
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November 19, 2009 - Thursday
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Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life
Hello! Nothin' much goin' on around here lately. Just every day stuff......
Yesterday (and today) was what some consider crappy weather around here. Rainy and cold. But I see it as a chance to stay indoors, cook, and read. Yesterday was the perfect day to make.....
That was supposed to be home made noodles for chicken noodle soup. But they turned out to be more like thin dumplings. Either way it all turns out yummy. But still, it's a little frustrating that something so simple like making noodles is giving me trouble. It's like my pie dough problem. It should be simple. The ingredients for pie dough are simple enough. But for some reason I just can't get it! Captured a pic of Peanut's nightly ritual of curling up under my chin.....
But last night the ritual was broken. Walking up to the door last night, Peanut jumped out at David, and he accidently stepped on the little guy's paw. Then he ran off into the night and wouldn't come when we called him. We found him out in the cane grass this morning. He was afraid of David at first, but finally came out when I called for him. His paw does look a little swollen, but I don't think there's any real damage. He's putting some weight on it and letting me touch it. He probably just needs to stay quiet for a few days. Besides, if there was something wrong with the paw, there probably isn't much the vet can do about it anyway. There's too many small soft bones in a cat's paw to do much with.
Speaking of David, his neck has been bothering him lately. Let me just say, I don't understand the man. He's in pain, but won't take anything. I'm not offering him hard core drugs or anything. Just some ibuprophen. I even offered to crush it up since he always gags when it comes to taking pills. I tried to get him let me make a hot pack for him. He did let me use my vibrator (the "Thunder Vibe") on his neck (had to sneak up on him with it...had a few good laughs with that one). But other than that. NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH! He won't let me do ANYTHING! I don't understand why! Why is he so damn determined to suffer through it that way?
And it drives me up the wall to see him having a hard time moving his head, he winces in pain every time he gets up or bends over. It seems like it has always been this way between us. He gets sick or is in pain, and wants to be left alone. Me, being the care giving type, wants to make him feel better. BUT HE WON'T LET ME! He could have a broken leg, and he'd just drag it around behind him saying, "I'm alright. I don't need anything. I'll just take a Goody, have beer, and I'll be fine." (reminds me of my dad having chest pains and drinks a beer. Claiming the pains are gas and the beer will break up the bubble.) And he'd STILL go to work! And I'm convinced that if David were an animal, he'd be the type that goes off into the bushes to die.
And speaking of my dad, he got his picture taken at Krogers the other day........
Yeah, he looks nice enough. I bet you're thinking, "Now come on! He's just having fun! You're being just like an immature teen who's embarassed by her dad!" And there could be some small truth to that. Luckily I was not there when the piture was taken, though. But trust me, that fun loving man sitting on Santa's lap, looking like he's picking Santa's nose, will eventually drive you up the wall.
Lilly is in the process of learning to tie her shoes. It's been hard for us to teach her. David and I are lefties. Lilly is a righty. So I've been trying to teach myself to tie my shoes right handed. It's so damn awkward! I keep doing it over and over again, but the awkward feeling never goes away. Then I tie my shoes left handed and it feels like such a relief.
So that's it around here. Oh there's probably more to talk about. But I've babbled on long enough. Until then, It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
 | Currently reading:
The Last Place
By Laura Lippman
Release date: 2003-08-26 |
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November 17, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood:  blah
Category: Pets and Animals
Some times I wake up in the morning to not only the sound of the alarm clock screaming (It's amazing! After working 7 years of 3rd shift, & never having been a morning person as it is, I am doing surprisingly well waking up in the morning!) but also to the feel of a rough tongue licking the dried drool from the side of my face.....
Yes...I drool when I sleep (....& some times when I'm awake. Lemme ask ya'!? Do you still find me sexy!? Haha!). And yes I am the proud owner of a cat who seems to enjoy my drool. Or maybe he just enjoys the taste of my face period. Ladies & gentlemen, meet "Peanut".........
Peanut came to us as a replacement cat. Not to replace "Boo" (although sadly, I'm pretty sure he's not going to around much longer), but to replace the kitten we had first allowed my daughter to take in. The story goes like this...
-- Neighbors have un-fixed female cats having kittens every where along our street. Even though I resisted letting Lilly take one of them in, one of the kittens seemed to have adopted us. We let Lilly take him in to prove herself about taking care of animals.
-- Lilly does a good job. Pretty much litter trained him herself, fed him, played with him, etc. She did a good job. Proved herself worthy as far as a 5 year old goes. Was even willing to help clean out the litter box!
-- Neighbors then decide that even though their cats are having kittens EVERY WHERE, & they are unwilling to get them fixed, no one is to take any of the kittens in as their own. And then they snatch the kitten back while Lilly was spending the night with my sister. I get mad...really mad. The last time I was that mad, I had stabbed a roasted chicken to pieces. That was my baby's kitty.
-- Go to pick Lilly up at my sisters house the next day, & explain to her what happened. I think I was more upset about it more than she was. Ask sister if she knows of anyone who has free kittens (because Lilly showed me she can handle the responsibility of a cat). She does & she hooks me up.........
Thus leads us to Peanut. Peanut was the only kitten in the litter that would let us pick him up. When I did, he licked my finger & I said, "I'll have this one!" We got him home, & then I begin to wonder if I made the right decision. Because of our dog Grunt.
See, Grunt LOVES kittens. Really, it's hilarious. Every time we have ever brought one into the house, he dances around in a circle, whipping his tail back & forth, & just shivering with excitement (we call it "The Grunt Dance") as if to say, "Oooooooohhhhh! You brought me a kitty! Let me see the kitty! I looove kitties!" You would think that he thinks we got the kitten for him.
So anyway, we get Peanut in the house & set him on the couch. Grunt comes up to sniff him out, Peanut screams, & runs into my daughters room under the bed (which is understandable. I mean here he was a tiny little orange fur ball, happy & content with his brothers & sisters. Only to be carried away in a box, & then set down in front of a big quivering monster). From there he proceeds to cry. It was so pitiful. He cried for about 4 hours straight before he finally came out. And that was only to see that Grunt was laying in the hallway. He then promptly ran back under the bed & resumed crying. I thought to myself, "Great. I picked the whiny bitch." Even Lilly seemed to read my thoughts as she said, "Mom, Peanut is a cry baby."
But we gave it time & eventually he came out, willing to tolerate being in Grunt's presence. And though he was still very jumpy, he began to play, & with in a month, was even playing with the dog! Grunt likes to roll on his back & wiggle around, & Peanut likes to chase after his tail & butt when he does this. He sometimes follows Grunt around the yard, chasing his tie out chain.
I have never seen a cat that has such a routine like he does. If he isn't laying on my chest in the morning, or draped over my neck, he's usually asleep on the lower shelf of the compter desk. He'll come walking off the shelf, looking up at me with sleepy eyes, meowing his "hello". From there he follows me to the bathroom where he watches me go pee & waits for me to flush the toilet so he can watch the water go down (one of his favorite things). Then he watches me take a shower, & tries to bite my leg as I walk out to get dressed. After that he eats a little, then goes outside to play.
Usually he stays out there & beats up on stuff (trees, leaves, older neighborhood cats), waits with us at the bus stop, comes back inside to eat, sleep, & back out to play. He stays out there until we come out to the bus stop to collect Lilly. And everyday, EVERY SINGLE DAY, when he hears the bus coming, he hides in our cane grass, & then waits for Lilly to walk by it where he then jumps out at her. I swear to god, it happens everyday.
Then he follows Lilly around the yard as she plays. When we're outside, he likes to be where we are. He tends to follow the girls around the yard, going where they go, scampering around them, & coming up to them for the occasional rub down. Sunday, Lilly even had him going down the slide on the swing set. She'd carry him up the ladder, hanging over the crook of her arm like he's a friggin' purse or something (it was comical. He was just dangling there, his head & butt swinging as she went up the rungs), puts
him up on the slide, & he walks down. And then he lets her do it over & over.
Peanut is also fond of cuddling. Every night when I read to Lilly, he's right up there on my lap with her. And after Lilly goes to bed & I settle in with my book, I can count on him to come walking onto my chest, rubbing furiously against my face, pawing it, & then licking my cheek. After about 10 minutes of loving on each other, he then curls up right under my chin & drifts into a deep sleep. It's comforting. He has a deep purr & when he drapes himself across my neck, he feels like one of those neck massagers that's been warmed up & a super soft cloth covering. It's quite therapudic. He's my calm moment at the end of the night.
So there ya' go! That's the new blood in our house. We really love him!...And I can't believe I just wrote a pretty lengthy blog about my friggin' cat.....Shit. I need to get some new material.
*sigh*
It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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November 15, 2009 - Sunday
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Current mood: annoyed
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
Okay, so about my rant of "Ghost Adventures". First of all, don't get them confused with these guys........
These guys I love. They're professional. They hear a noise, they try to figure it out where it came from. You know, stuff like that? They're not saying they don't believe, but just that NOT EVERY LITTLE NOISE IS A GHOST! And even after they can't explain where the action came from, they still don't jump right into "It's a ghost". They look for some serious hard core evidence. But these guys........
I hate. Especially this guy.....
I hate (well maybe not really hate....more like "REALLY dislike") him enough to actually crop his face out of that picture and make a notation about how much I dislike him. His name is Zak Bagans. He's the lead investigator (*coughs* asshole!). First of all, I was brought up that you should be respectful and positive while dealing with ghost, spirits, or what ever you like to call them. You put out the energy you want to get back. You go into it with bad energy, you attract the likeness. And you have to remember, you carry that energy with you. This is true in life period. Now I know the man is making a show. So you know there's gonna be some drama in it. But seriously, the man talks like he's gonna walk up in that joint and put his foot in a ghosts ass. I can't help but feel that he should start out his show with,
Really! Here's an excerpt from his little biography on the website......
"Able to leap and investigate huge structures in a single night, Zak is an action-hero. The ghosts don't stand a chance against the guy with the muscles, the hair and the taunting voice."
The last sentence says it all right there. The man is very confrontational. For instance, they might get an EVP and hear a voice that says, "Get out!" (isn't there always a voice that says that though?) Well Zak gets all mad and starts stomping around, jabbing his finger in the air, yelling, "You don't tell me to get out! I am NOT going to leave here! You get out!" and blah, blah, blah.
WTF dude!? First of all, you're yelling at thin air. You look dumb. If you think your friends are standing there behind you, backing you up, thinking, "Yeah Zak! You tell 'em man! We ain't getting out of here!", then you're wrong. They're probably turning their back and snickering. I know I would. Because I'm sitting at home laughing my ass off at your dumbass as it is.
And don't even get me started about the EVP's. I'm not saying that they aren't real. I know it's possible to catch voices on tape. My husband even did it once. But every time they play the enhanced audio, I either have no idea what they're getting all up in arms about (and I'll get to that point in a minute) or have this feeling that there is A LOT of things around the area that could contribute to that noise. They don't even try to look around and see if there's anything else around there that could have caused that noise other than a ghost.
And that brings me to my next point. When they do catch something, they starting yelling and screaming, "Dude did you HEAR that! Oh my God dude, I CANNOT believe we caught that on tape! Wait! Play it back......" and then they listen, find out the ghost isn't happy, it tells them to get out, and then Zak starts going on his tangent..."No YOU get out! You don't tell me to get out, you bastard! (yes....he called a ghost a bastard. Like he's gonna get into a verbal throw down with them or something.) You get out! I am NOT leaving here!" and then he starts hitting stuff, etc. Very dramatic.
You know, if you're ghost hunting, really one of the skills you should learn is the art of BEING QUIET. Calm down! In the midst of your yelling and screaming, you might be missing out on some pretty amazing shit. And not everything you heard was a ghost!
And!....And!.....And!.....
And his hair annoys me!
Yet strangly I am drawn to watching the show. Much like trying not to look as you drive by a car wreck, I am drawn to it out of morbid curiosity. And I'm just waiting for something to beat his ass down. I'd like to see a ghost put their foot in his ass.
Especially last night. The episode last night was of them on Poveglia Island off the coast of Venice, Italy. The island was used for many different things. And one of those things was a place to send people (young children among them) with the plague or convicts. These people would be put on the boats, and the doctor on the boat would be wearing this.......
He would stuff the nose of it with herbs to cover the smell and filter the germs. Sometimes that was the last face those people saw before they were sent to an island full of very sick (and some criminal) people and a doctor that later went crazy and began torturing his patients. I feel sorry for them. That had to be frightening.
So anyway, on this island, Zak goes out to the fields where they burned these people who died there with the plague, puts on the mask, and starts walking around the field, saying, "Do you remember me!? I'm the doctor!". You know what, if there were any spirits there? I felt sorry for them. Whether they know they're dead or not, how aweful to be revisited by that image. To have some prick taunting you with that mask. How aweful!
So that's my rant on "Ghost Adventures". It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done. Next blog? "My cat Peanut" (with pics for LaFang)
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November 14, 2009 - Saturday
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Current mood: bored
Category: Life
Okaaaaaayyyy...So what's been going on the past few days? I bet you're on pins and needles? Aren't you!? Go ahead and admit! You wanna know if I ever got that tongue burrito? Was it good? Did David try it without me forcing it down his throat? Did I get the movie "Up"? Did I like it? Did it live up to my expectations?........
You all are nosy!
Well the answers are yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! We went to "Taco Loco" on Tuesday. I like the place. It's not much to look at on the inside. But that's okay. You guys ever watch the show "Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives"? That show lets you see that some of the best places to eat are the little holes in the wall that you might have driven right by if you weren't paying attention. I can't watch that show and not get hungry. It often leaves me with a craving for EVERYTHING!
Anyhoo! I got the tongue quesadilla. It was fantastic! They did a great job cooking the meat. It was moist, tender, tasted like the best pot roast you could ever put in your mouth. David took a bite of it and declared that he now likes, or atleast doesn't mind, tongue. He ordered the Al Pastor burrito. Oh my gawd! That was awesome! The meat was tender, juicy, sweet, smoky, salty.....It was heaven. I like it even better than my tongue quesadilla, and I was in love with that as it was.
We'd like to go back and try a couple other things. For instance, you can get a taco with tripe. Now that we're not to sure about. We're thinking we'll just get one tripe taco and split it. Just incase it doesn't agree with us.
They also have pozole, a soup made with hominy and pork. And if it turns out we like the tripe, I might even go as far as trying menudo, a soup made with hominy, tripe, and chili. I read that it's often eaten in the morning after a hard night of drinking, or when sick. Suppose to be the cure for what ails ya' and all that I guess. Anyhoo! Their prices aren't bad either. My quesadilla was $6.00. And David's burrito was also. And these are pretty big portions! We had to ask for a doggie bag! The highest price I see on the menu is $8.00. We bought 3 burritos, 1 quesadilla, 2 orders of guacamole, chips, 3 drinks, tax & tip. For four adults and a child, it came out to somewhere around $35.00. You can't beat that!
The only thing I wasn't to fond of was their guacamole. It was a little to chunky for me. A lot of tomatoes, onions, and cilantro, but not enough avocado. Lilly loved it though. She's easy like that when it comes to mexican restaurants. Give her the tortilla chips, a bowl or two of guacamole, and she's good to go. SO! If you live in the Dayton area, or the Miami Valley area in Ohio, stop by "Taco Loco" at 5392 Burkhardt Road in Dayton.
We did get the movie "Up". I certainly was not disappointed! It was great! My favorite part of the movie are the dogs. I love the fact that even though they talk, they're not anthropomorphized in the sense that they're walking up right, using their paws like hands, etc. They do talk, but their mouths don't move, their voices being given to them by the collar their master made them. It makes me feel not alone when I say that I can hear my dogs thoughts when he looks at me. Almost as if I can hear his voice. Or just animals in general. (Remember when I was talking about feeding the birds at McDonalds and the starling looked at me and said, "I'm taking your french fry...Biotch!")
So anyway, I guess I don't have much else to say. I've babbled on enough for now. I hope this blog was everything you ever wished for an more. Next to come....My rant about the show "Ghost Adventures", Lilly's PT Conferences, and maybe about my new cat Peanut. Until then, It's been real...It's been fun...But for now....I'm done!
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November 10, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood: bored
Category: Life
*sigh*
I'm bored....
*sigh*
Not much going on today. Oh there's stuff to do around here, like vacuuming or some other type of house cleaning, but I really don't want to do them. I'd really like to head out to Dayton and go to the little place David told me about called "Loco Taco" that sells cow tongue burritos. And I don't want to go there just because I have a hankering for it (Dad fixed some for himself while he was out on the road and didn't leave any behind.....Didn't I tell you he's an asshole!?) But David is finally willing to try some of his own volition. We've been at each other about this for a long time.
See, I think it is absolutely absurd that he is (or now "was") unwilling to try cow tongue when he has eaten snails, is willing to try a korean dish made of octopus that is so fresh the tenticles are LITERALLY still moving, and he came from a mother that used to make soup with fish heads in it, and has eaten the crab eggs right out of the crab right his mother yanked the back off of it. Yet, he is unwilling to try cow tongue. Even though he KNOWS it tastes good.
Because I tricked him into eating it when we first got married. I had hamburger helper, but no hamburger. My mom had some cow tongue and gave it to me, telling me to chop it up and put it in the hamburger helper. "Tell him it's pot roast!" she said. And I did. I was the good little house wife that had dinner on the table as soon as he walked in the door. He ate it, believing it was pot roast, and liked it. Until AFTER I told him what it was. I had to because he kept asking me why I was falling out of my chair laughing. But he said until he found out it was cow tongue, it tasted pretty good.
Our theory is that it's more of the thought of where the tongue has been licking that bothered him. So I told him not to worry about that and told him how it's prepared. That just made matters worse. It totally grossed him out, and refused to eat any meat that had to be skinned after it was boiled. But you know what? I refused to give up on converting him to a tongue lover! He didn't like cheesecake when we first got together 14 years ago. I just kept forcing him to take bites, try different flavors of it, and he loves it now. So it's just gonna take a little longer to convert him to the wonderfulness of tongue!
Anyhoo, he has agreed to try it in a burrito. Because he figured that if it's wrapped up, and he can't see it, then he'll be able to handle it. We'll see!
*sigh*
My dog is getting old.
You want to know how I know this? Because of all the gray hairs he's got. He used to be a solid black dog. But now he's got gray hairs on his chin and going down his neck, a little on his eyebrows, around his groin, and in between the pads of his feet. But you wanna know what the real clincher was?......
His balls (he's never been fixed). My dog now has old man balls. I was watching him walk away from me the other day and noticed how they've gone wrinkly and saggy. They dangle rather than bounce now.....Poor dog.
*sigh*
And I'd like to go get the movie "Up". I never got to go out and see it in the movie theaters. I never really get to go out to the movies, but anyhoo! I've been waiting for this one to come out. I love the quote in the commercials where the dog says, "I do not like the collar of shame...." It's just the way he says it that cracks me up.
Speaking of going out to the movies, IF I were able to get out and go see a movie right now, I'd like to either see "The Fourth Kind" or "The Men Who Stare at Goats". I would just hope that I don't get let down. Because while I'm sure that "The Fourth Kind" is a sure bet to scare me, I can't be to sure about "The Men Who Stare at Goats". I find that a lot of times with comedies, they show all the funny parts in the previews, and then you find out the rest of it is stupid when you finally get to see it. OH! And I'd also like to see the movie "Where The Wild Things Are"! I LOVED that book as a kid. And I was excited to see it was made into a movie. I hope the sound track is as awesome as it sounds in the previews.
*sigh*
So that's all I got for now. I emptied out my mind trash for a bit so now it's time to go do my house wife duties....*sigh*....It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
*What movies would you all like to see?
*Would you ever try a cow tongue burrito?
*Am I a bad wife for tricking my husband into eating cow tongue?
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November 7, 2009 - Saturday
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Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life
Aaaaaahhhhh.....My Dad has left the state. Or atleast I think he did. I know, that's sounds aweful. But if you have ever met my dad, you'd understand. My dad is the kind of person you can hang around for...hmmmm...probably no more than 2 hours before you feel like you have to take a step away and regroup. My mom? I can love her up close and personal all day long. But my dad? Not so much.
He's not one of those gregarious guys who come booming into the room, yelling their hellos, and pounding you on the back. But he seems to just bring noise in around him. When he's gone, their house is quiet. But the moment he steps through the door, there's this...this...this...upheaval, as my mom likes to call it. And she's right! She has the house pretty damn clean, and then he comes home, dragging all his junk in with him. And I understand that being a trucker, you're going to drag junk back home with you. But he comes home and spreads it out every where. His papers, his computer, his clothes, his food, etc. There's not an uncluttered surface to be had when he's home.
And you can feel tension coming off of him all the time. My dad isn't happy unless he's arguing with some one. In my minds eye, I see him with chest puffed out with hot air, hopping on his feet around in a circle, muttering, "Alright! Who's next!? Who's gonna come at me next?! I'm ready for 'em!" I asked him one day, after he was telling about how he couldn't wait for some one to give him a reason to fight about something insignificant, if he wasn't happy unless he had something or someone to fight with. And honestly answered me, "Yes. Because I'm not gonna let anyone push me around anymore."
Okay, I understand that concept. But that doesn't mean you have to turn into a prick to everyone. It doesn't mean you have to live your life looking for the next fight. That's a sad way to live! Because I see how it affects almost every aspect of his life. It's this vicious cycle he has going. He suspects the person is being a dick to him (and in most cases they weren't) because they didn't throw rose petals down for him to walk on and kiss his ass. Then he starts laying on the asshole routine so then the person who wasn't being a dick now really wants to fuck up his day. Then they do fuck up his day, and it goes back in forth. "I'm going to show them!" He'll shout. Call my mother about every verbal exchange he had with the dick, boasting about how rude he was, how bad he got under the guys skin, and drive her crazy, etc.
Another example of his I'm-not-going-to-let-any-one-push-me-around attitude is we heard that they were going to start charging $25 at the DMV when you're late renewing your tags. Yes, I agree, that sucks. And yes $25 dollars is a bit much. But what are you gonna do? He said, "Well, they're not getting my $25 dollors!" Okay, so you won't get your tags! I don't know if understands how much he sounds like an ass when he says things like that. Because whether he likes it or not, they're gonna get his money. Oh sure, he can give them a hard time about it (because we all know how he loves to fight about something) but he isn't going to get a pat on the back for it or anything. It's not like he's gonna start a revolution and stick it to the man. Calm the fuck down old man! Either get your tags on time or hand over your 25 bucks!
And when he's home it just gets so fucking loud. And I know some of the time the sound might be amplified by my annoyance of him. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "I can just hear him moving around over there in the house....with the windows shut....and his A/C on. He's so LOUD!" But he really is loud. Because he tends to mow his lawn as late as 9:30 in the evening. Because his lawnmower has a head light. Just because he can! Or he'll have his tiller going, sometimes as late as 9:30 in the evening also.
Instead of taking his laptop into another room to watch his video's on it, he sets up at the kitchen table, which is right next to the living room, and turns his volume up. So you turn up the TV a little louder and then he turns up the volume on his video.
He's also turned into one of those assholes who wear they're bluetooth ALL...THE...TIME! I swear to God, he wears it even when he's sitting in his recliner. Why!? And he has a nasty habit of when you're talking to him, to dig out his cell phone, dial a number, and start talking to someone else. Without even so much as an, "Excuse me a minute. I really need to make this phone call." Now I know you might say, "Well, maybe that's a sign you talk to much." But I swear to God, he does this after only talking to me for 5 minutes.
Then he lets his dogs, Jack and Jill, out. There is a leash law in our neighborhood, but he seems to think those rules don't apply to him. He does keep Jill on a leash. Tgough sometimes, for some reason, he thinks he can trust her and goes out with her off leash. (This is how the dumb little dog has managed to get skunked 3 DIFFERENT TIMES! She saw the skunks and went right for them when she was off leash.) So then either early in the morning or late at night, you'll hear him screaming, "Jill! God damn it Jill! Get back here!" Then he brings them over to let them crap in my yard.
Or when he's letting the dogs out, he feels the need to sing, very loudly. Like you can hear him all the way up the street. Or he'll call to his dogs, "Heeeeeeeeerrrrreeeee JillJillJillJill! Heeeeeeeerrrrrreeeee JackJackJackJack!". Which is also loud enough to hear way up the street. But I live right next door, and the dogs aren't up the street. They're right there in the damn yard!
It makes me wonder if we didn't live here next door to him and someone else did? What would they think of him? Would they find him funny at first but then quickly tire of him? What would he do if they started complaining?
I was driving home from dropping my mom off at work today, and the song "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd came on the radio. I remember being a kid, listening to that record, and singing along with him. I remember a dad that was pretty easy going. He didn't quarell with everyone, but he also drank quite a bit too.
I know, these complaints don't seem like much. He never beat us, sexually abused us, etc. But he never made life easy with having to move all the time because of his drinking while we were growing up. And yes, he's also taught us a lot. That's why I have to say I actually do love him.....But it's so much easier to love him from afar sometimes.
It's been real, it's been fun, but for now, I'm done.
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November 4, 2009 - Wednesday
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Current mood:  calm
Category: Life
Okay so what else has been going on? So I bet you'd like to know what the deal is with the name changing to "Sweet Meenda". Well, maybe you're not on the edge of your seat, but maybe it's crossed your mind. It's because that's what my family is starting to call me now. Because my neice Ariana.........
has finally learned that my name is not "Mommy" and that it is "Amanda". But she can't say Amanda. So she calls me "Meenda". And she calls me "Meenda" all...the...time.
Seriously! ALL THE TIME. I watch her every weekend now. From Friday night until Monday night. She spends Friday & Saturday night at my house, plus all day Sunday. Her mom comes and gets her Sunday night, brings her back out Monday morning, and then picks her back up again in the evening. And the whole time, the girl follows me around saying,
"Meeeeeeeenddaaaaa! Meeeeeeenddaaaaaa! Here Meeeeeendda!"
Or I'll be sitting in my chair reading, and there she is hanging on the side of the chair....
"Meeeeeeenddaaaaaa! Meeeenddaaaaaa!"
I love her. I really do. But after 24 hours of that, damn near non stop, it's enough to make me want to bang my head against the wall. And of course the family thinks it's funny (And it is. When I tell them about it, I laugh with them). So they are starting to call me Meenda.
Things are going pretty good with her. She's our part time kid. On the weekends Lilly get's to see what it's like to be an older sibling. For a long time she was letting Ariana push her around. Ariana would hit, yell, and scream at her. Take her toys away, etc. And Lilly would only just turn away and cry. Afraid to defend herself against a 2 year old.
So we had to explain to her that she has to start standing up for herself. Tell Ariana no, take her toy back when Ariana takes it from her. You know? Stand up for herself. Well now she found that confidence but we have to try and make her see that there is a time and place for it. I'm begining to see that my child is becoming bossy. Always telling Ariana what to do, even when she's actually just playing quietly by herself, perfectly content. I can see where Ariana would get pissed off at her and want to scream at her sometimes. Then I hear her talking to Ariana in the play room...
"Don't tell me no!" -- She gets that from David and I because we are constantly saying that to Ariana. She has a nasty habit of saying no when you tell her to do something.
"Don't look at me like that!" -- I had to laugh when I heard that one. I had this mental image of the faces Ariana must be making. Because she does make a lot of faces. She's fun to just sit back and observe because even when she's just sitting there, she's making faces. As if she's trying flex her facial muscles to see what they can do.
Okay so what else? I've been doing a lot of cooking here and there. First, my SIL had a fun party, and I was asked to make a cake. Well, what fun party would be complete without a big penis? So I made a penis cake.....  I'm pretty damn proud of that cake (even though that isn't the best picture of it). I think it's one of my better ones. Also, I've finally aquired a taste for spicy food, and can almost hold my own against my husband and his sisters when it comes to Korean food. And lately I've been learning to make all the recipies that he and his sisters remember their mother making when they were little. I've learned to make buldak (spicy chicken), gamja jorim (spicy potatoes), and bulgogi (thin sliced beef in a korean BBQ type sauce). Also I've learned to make pot stickers! I still have to learn to make galbi jim (korean short ribs), cucumber kimchi, and kimchi stew.
Also David and I were watching "Bizarre Foods" on Discovery. The guy was in South Korea (where David's mother is from) and it had our mouths watering. He was showing all the street food, and though I'd probably stay away from the blood sausage, the rest of it looked pretty good. Especially the Dduk Boki (it's rice dough balls in a spicy sauce). So I found the recipie for that and I'd like to try and make that soon.
For christmas we're having a Korean dinner instead of the traditional Christmas dinner. And it seems I'm in charge of quite a few things for it. The chicken, potatoes, and potstickers. It's a lot to make, but I don't mind. I love seeing them eat it and the happy look on their faces.
Maybe I'll teach my SIL's how to make it. No, their husbands don't eat it. Nobody wants to have to make 2 seperate meals, etc. But that's okay. Why not make it for yourself if that's what you have a hankering for? Right?
So I guess that's all for now. It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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November 4, 2009 - Wednesday
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Current mood:  quiet
Category: Life
Okay so here I am again....
I know, I've been gone a long time. I bet you all thought I was dead. Sometimes it feels like I was. Atleast in my mind anyway. It just seems like everything went blank. As if there was absolutely no thought up there. Seems like there was nothing to say. Nothing really going on. And there really isn't anything going on now, but I feel the urge to speak. So anyway. To catch up on things.....
I started smoking again. I know! I know! I feel just as bad about it! But I got weak. I'm not going to make any excuses, because it's me that has the control over that and not the children (the reason I believe I broke down is due to them...And that's all I'll say about that!) There will come a time when I'll decide to quit again. At least I don't smoke near as much as I used to. But all the same, I caved.
Lilly started kindergarten this year (the pic of her first day of school is there at the top. Have yet to figure out the new blog picture deal). I am proud to say that I did NOT cry on her first day, like everyone said I would. (I don't know why people tell me I'm going to cry about such and such. I'm not a cryer!) She's doing pretty good! She goes all day. The first half of the day is regular kindergarten and the second half is supplemental. Because the school says she needed a little extra help. It amazes me how much she's learned in just one quarter.
Last week she was out sick the whole week with the flu. Oh we had a scary night! Tuesday of last week we took her to the doc because since Monday morning, her temp hadn't come down below 99. And it was just like we thought, the doc said there wasn't much we could do, she has a flu like illness, give her plenty of fluids, lots of rest, tylenol, etc. Taking her to the doc was more of a formality. It was more for getting a doctors note for the school. (It always seems like more of a formality. I know what's wrong, I basically know how to handle it, but sometimes I need the doc to giver her things like a perscription for medicine, doctors note, etc.) So we take her home, she goes to sleep, and David goes in to check on her. He comes out to the living room carrying her because she was shivering even though her skin literally felt like it was on fire. She had goose bumps and her skin felt weird.
So we took her temp and it read 103. I got a cool wash cloth and tried to wipe her down. She starts shaking, crying, "Cold! Cold!" The girl's body temperature actually heated the wash cloth. So I told David to get a luke warm bath going and I started stripping her. I felt bad because she was sleeping, but I figured "Fuck it. She has all day tomorrow sleep. She needs to get cooled down now." Into the bath she goes and she starts shaking, full body shaking, crying about how cold the water was. The water was no where near cold. She was just that fucking hot! David was crying he felt so bad and so scared for her. She laughed at him about though, in between her tears.
So then we take her out, get her bundled up, get tylenol & motrin in her and eventually her fever comes down. But I tell ya'! We were tetering on the edge of rushing her to the ER. But decided against it because when we sat there and thought about it, we figured the hosptital would probably just confirm what we already knew (that she has the flu) and send us back home. It wasn't like she would be admitted or anything. Even though 103 is nothing to sneeze at, we didn't think it was anything the hospital would be too concerned about. Especially since she's a child who is perfectly healthy otherwise. Better to just wait and see if it drops even just a little bit (because if the fever at least fluctuates, that's a good sign) rather than take her out into the cold with a wet head.
We have honestly never seen her that sick before. NEVER! We've always been pretty lucky with her about that stuff. Yeah she's had the occasional cold here and there. But nothing like that. She's never scared us like that. I've never thought I might have to rush her to the ER (except for that time when her face exploded from the mosquito bite. And I only took her to urgent care for that one) So I slept with my clothes on that night. Just in case.
But she ended up missing a whole week of school because she has to be fever free for 24 hours without the aid of a fever reducer. And just when we thought she would be in the clear, another one would pop up and there would be another day out of school. And it sucks because last week she was supposed to be the "Souper Kid" (Her teachers name is Mrs. Campbell. Get it? Campbell..."Soup"er kid?) Her teacher assigns a different student every week to be the souper kid. They get to be the line leader, take papers to the office, help pass out papers, sit next to the teacher at story time, etc. You know, stuff like that that kids LOVE to do when they start school. She totally missed on her week! I felt so bad for her!
Okay so that's it for right now. I don't want to fill you in on to much. I should probably save some stuff for tomorrow. It's been real...It's been fun...But for now....I'm done!
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April 1, 2009 - Wednesday
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Current mood:  sleepy
Category: Life
Dear Chuck E. Cheese --
I recently visited your establishment and might I give you a few suggestions.....
1. Please revise your rules on personal injury, violence towards minors, etc. I think it would vastly improve the experience for the adults if we were allowed to clothes line the 12 year old fuckers who run all over the place playing tag, and pay no attention to the toddlers wandering about the place. Twice I saw three young men running around the place damn near smash a little one. And the little one was with an adult. If we were simply able to maybe clothes line them as they pass by our table, I'm sure we'd be more than happy to spend more time in your establishment. Maybe even if we could hit them with the pizza pan? Would that be to much to ask?
2. When at the salad bar, could we please be able to use the salad tongs as a weapon when someone takes to long putting lettuce on their plate? It seems there was a patron who was extremely picky about what piece of lettuce she would like in her salad. I really didn't see anything wrong with the lettuce. Honestly. Despite the filthiness of your bathrooms (I'll get to that in a minute), your lettuce seemed to be taken care of. Yes, I could line jump and go ahead of her. But you see, I have a hard time imagining putting all the toppings on the plate before the lettuce. The salad essencially starts with the lettuce! So really she was holding up the line. Couldn't the rules be bent a little so I could have beat her senseless with the very tongs she with held from me? Is that to much to ask?
3. You're bathrooms leave something to be desired. Seriously. You can't tell me that with as much revenue as Chuck E. Cheese brings in every year, that you couldn't afford to update your bathrooms . I know how much money is spent in your establishment. I've been a party to it! I've contributed my fair share to lining that huge fucking rat's pockets. There is no reason that I should have to relieve myself in a place as filthy as that. I should not be afraid to sit on the toilet seat even with the aid of an ass gasket. You can't tell me you can't afford to replace the walls that look as if they are bowing away from the studs behind them. That you can't afford updated bathroom drywall that isn't texturized and can be easily cleaned. Do you know what kind of germs are in a bathroom? Do you know how germs like to crawl into every crack and crevice? Fucker please! It's time to remodel the bathrooms!
Or maybe you can get the big rat out there to stand over an employee and make sure they clean the bathroom properly. Like get all that grime around the sink. Or even where the counter top meets the wall? There was some nasty stuff there. I'll even donate the tooth brush to clean that shit. And the scrubbing bubbles! What's the point of even washing my hands in a sink like that? Am I even getting them clean!? And could you please not have the clean paper towels hanging directly above the over flowing trash can of dirty paper towels? That just doesn't seem right.
In all fairness, I did make the decision to patronize your establishment in the week I chose to stop smoking. But on the other hand, I really think these three complaints are valid. Any young man who runs over a toddler DESERVES to be clothes lined. They DESERVE to be hit with a pizza pan. They DESERVE bodily injury! And any person who stands at a salad bar, literally picking out...one...lettuce...leaf...at...a...time deserves to be beaten senseless with the salad tongs. That's just pure madness! I can only hope that she had at some point in the past eaten a bad piece of lettuce from a salad bar and became violently ill. I really hope that's what happened. Because that would explain the odd behaviour. But even then, why not just leave the fucking salad bar alone after that experience!? Come on! What do you say? Why not let us beat her senseless with the tongs? Let me beat her hard enough that Chuck E. Cheese tickets come out of her ass like a ski-ball machine and I get to pick a fucking prize. JESUS what was wrong with that lady!? She was even more annoying than the fucking hooligans! And the bathrooms? Well you don't have to be going through nicotine withdraw to see the sense in that complaint. But could we be able to beat the hell out of someone for that?
Sincerely,
~Sweet Mistress~
So that was my night at Chuck E. Cheese. It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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March 31, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood:  relaxed
Category: Life
Yep! I went a full 24 hours with out a cigarette. And as of 4:30pm this evening, we will have gone 48 hours. We'll almost be out of the woods. Everything we have read says to give it three days. Yesterday was interesting though. It got better as the day wore on and I had to drive around more. It got to where I was satisfied jamming with a sucker. And the only time that craving hit was when I actually got into the car. Like when I came out of her parent/teacher conference. Normally the first thing I would do when I get in the car is light up. As soon as I felt that urge, (I had even cracked the window like I normally would) I popped in a sucker and waited for it to go away.
So then after dinner my sister Amy, Lilly, and I go out for a walk. Now over the weekend we didn't get out to walk because the weather was aweful. And yesterday it seemed like Grunt had forgotten EVERYTHING he learned the week before. He was pulling like crazy.......Well, I can't say he lost everything. When we came upon a group of kids, he was on his best behaviour. And when we walked by other dogs that were yapping their head off (my dog seems to be the biggest in the neighborhood from the looks of it), all he needed was a little correction and he ignored them.
But he was pulling like a son of a bitch. And normally I do a pretty good job of keeping him beside me and not letting him get ahead. So that way I can give him correction. But yesterday it was like I just couldn't do it! He was literally dragging me from one thing to the next so he could sniff and pee on it. Then he started wearing me down and I actually started to really hurt. So I had to hand him over to Amy, who doesn't try to control him and just let's him drag her. She says he's fine. But it doesn't look fine. We tried just stopping to make him sit and relax (and me to...I have to remember to relax because he feeds off me). And it works for a little bit but then I let him get out of control again. And it felt like when I did correct him, I just couldn't match him at his level of energy. So it was uneffective.
*sigh*
So then you see me really starting to break down. We were 3/4 of the way home. Maybe even more than that. And I was really hurting. My knees and back were killing me, I was upset with my dog, and then for some reason it seemed like there was all these fucking cars. It seemed like we were constantly having to get over for a car. It REALLY pissed me off! So then you see me standing in the middle of the road, sucker in mouth, damn near screaming, "Where in the FUCK are all these god damned cars coming from! Damn it! I'm tired of getting over for all the fucking cars! Why can't they all go the other way damn it!?". This is where my ranting and raving gets funny though because......
THERE ARE FUCKING SIDEWALKS IN MY TRAILER PARK!
You would think I had enough sense to get up on the side walk right? But I hate fucking sidewalks! It kills my knees actually. And often times they are uneven and I end up tripping. So I'd rather be on the street. And another reason it's funny is because it was absolutely normal for that amount of cars coming. It was rush hour! Everyone was coming home from work! There SHOULD be that many cars on the road! DUH! And don't think Amy didn't point this out to me. And then I look over to see the park manager pulled over to the side of the road ....On a fucking curve! And he's out of the car talking to the guy who lives in the trailer along that curve.
This is where you hear me say, "Oh nice Mike! You fat fuck! Park on the god damned curve where no one knows what the fuck is coming around the bend you fucker!" Thankfully we weren't close enough for him to hear us. I hope anyway. It bothers me because #1: I normally would NEVER attack someone about their weight. I'll make fun of other things, but never their weight. Because I know what it's like to have some one do that to you. So even if I hate you, I won't do that. Oh I'll bust you on something else! Your hairy back, your big nose, that mole right there on your chin...Piss me off and I'll make a comment about anything else that grabs my attention. But I'll never come down on your weight. Even if your a man and you got man tits. But it also bothers me because #2: Mike really isn't that fat! He's got a little middle aged pudge. But he's not fat. And I kind of like Mike. He may not seem like the friendliest guy in the world. But he seems all right. So all this venom spouting off was a bit surprising. Especially when I hear "You fat fuck!" come out of my mouth.
My sister seemed to be quite embarrassed. She said, "Are you sure you don't want one? Maybe this isn't the best day to do this?" Yes! I want to do this! Walking needs to be a part of my everyday life. I have to learn to do it without the nicotine. I like smoking when I'm driving, but you don't see me NOT driving until I'm over the cravings right!? Because life goes on. Anywho, we push on. As soon as we get close to my yard, I drop the leash, and point towards the house. "Home" I say to Grunt. And the big fucker earns his dog treat for the night by actually going up to the door and waiting for me.
I get in and pretty much do nothing for the night. I make a mess by making popcorn. Something to munch on. I made a big bowl of it. David is hard to tell if he's doing alright or not. One minute he seems normal, and then the next he's saying something about it feeling like his brain is pulsating, but it feels good. As if it's massaging his scalp from the inside. Then he says he's going to go lay down in the bedroom to "collect his thoughts" which actually means he's going somewhere where it is dark and he can deal with his craving.
I have a theory about this. See, I'll admit I got snippy with him. Like when I asked him about the mail (I need a utility bill for proof of residency). I asked him, "Why am I not allowed to see the fucking mail? Why don't you ever bring in the fucking mail?" He said that he's having cravings to, blah, blah, blah and you don't see him cussing at people blah, blah, blah.........What the fuck ever...shut up. Anywho! I actually think that me letting it out a little is helpful instead of being Mr. Tough Guy and stuffing it. Because I think when you stuff it, you end up feeling dizzy more (he feels dizzy), like you want to throw up (he could be feeling that from all the sunflower seeds), or like your brain is pulsating! Oh sure it feels good, but that doesn't mean it is good. So because I'm letting it out, I'm not feeling all that stuff.
Me? I just feel lazy (and apparently intense anger). Almost depressed like. It's almost as if nothing is fun right now. It occured to me last night how boring it feels without a cigarette in your hand. It's like even if I am sitting there doing nothing, if I had a cigarette in my hand, I'm doing something......I'm smoking. See the logic!? Here's where the logic ends. You'd think it would make me realize I need to get up and do something right? WRONG! I laid there reading a book and stuffing my face with half a bowl of popcorn (un-buttered but heavily seasoned). But at least I didn't smoke!
Today was alright. I made the half hour drive out to the doctor to get Lilly's shot records, and made the drive back without to much of a problem. I had a sucker in my mouth the entire time, but it's beginning to feel natural (making mental note to be sure to brush sugar off my teeth every chance I get). And nothing annoyed me. Except Lilly. Who continues to want to bring things along that she needs me to help her with from the front seat (ie: "Open this bottle of water for me!" or "Open this ziploc baggie of snacks for me!") so I'm constantly reaching back for something. And then even though she loves a song on the radio and wants me to turn it up, she also wants to talk and ask me questions, like "what is this song about mom?". So then I have to turn down the radio and ask her what she said, etc., etc. And then she never really gets to hear the song because the volume is going up and down. But that annoyed me even before I quit.
Whew! That got a little long there. Sorry. But it helps to type and keep my fingers busy. Okay let me wrap this up. So we're going to Chuck E. Cheese tonight. We put Lilly on a point system for behaviour and she's been doing very well. Chuck E. Cheese is her surprise. I know! Why the fuck would we want to go to that place of all places!? Especially when we're trying to quit smoking! But I don't think it will be that bad. Because it's a non smoking building. We do better in places like those. And they've got lots of stuff to keep us busy with all the games. It'll be better than sitting at home fighting with every craving. So that's it!
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March 30, 2009 - Monday
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Current mood: annoyed
Category: Life
Yup! You heard me right, I am trying to quit smoking. You want to know why? Even though there are a million different very good reasons why I should, but here's mine. Or should I say "ours" since it's David and I who are quitting...........
The mother fucking government is increasing the taxes on it again!
Meaning that by April 1st, they're going to go up another 70 cents a pack. 70 FUCKING CENTS! And they just went up about 70 cents a little over two months ago! So we decided that we're just going to have to quit. I would have to go back to work 2-3 days a week just to support our habit. And that would be flat out jackassery. So we're quitting. We figured it up and between the two of us quitting, we'd be saving around $260 a month and close to $3,000 a year.
Saturday we decided that by Sunday we will have smoked all of our cigarettes and then after our last one, that will be our start time of quitting. Having decided that, we headed out to Wal-Mart and bought a shit load of suckers, an assortment of sugar free life savers, gum, oranges, pears, and apples. We heard some where that vitamin C helps with cravings. But I figured it's a good healthy snack for when you want to eat. That way you keep your hands busy peeling the orange. And as far as the apples go, I figure what I'll do is keep my hands busy peeling and chopping the apple when I feel like I want something to eat and I'm tired of oranges. That's what I'm afraid of...wanting to eat all the time to replace the cigarrettes. So those are my interventions. That and Nature Valley granola bars (just read the ingredients though and I see I'm going to have to limit myself on those).
Oh! And walking! I've been walking for the past week. Every night after dinner (which is awesome because it shows I am feeling that much better. I never would have thought about getting out and walking a month ago.) And I've been training my dog to walk on a leash while I'm at it (he's getting better!) I know exercise will help. So if it's possible, I'm going to try and get out to walk with the dog if the cravings get to bad. So how have we been doing?
Hmmmmm.....Okay. It could definitely be a lot worse. Yesterday around 4:30pm was our last cigarette. After that we scrubbed our mouths clean and threw away all ashtrays. Then we set out all our candy and waited for the first craving........Which took about 5 minutes. And I noticed that even before our last cigarettee we were getting a little nervous. It was actually just the thought of quitting that made us want to smoke more. I've seen this happen before. It happened to my friend at work. She picked a date to quit smoking and two or three days before the actual date, she smoked like crazy. The thought of having to quit stressed her out so much she smoked even more. Then she ended up having a full pack of cigarettes on the day she was supposed to quit and never did quit. She had to finish the pack she had....and another, and another.
Around the house I do alright. The worst part for me inside the house is when I'm at the computer. I used to actually put my cigarettes on the other side of the room because if they're right next to me I'd burn through them in no time. So I catch myself constantly looking around for a my pack of cigarettes or an ashtray. But they're not there anymore. Right now I have a sucker in my mouth. I'm about to throw away those sugar free life savers. That shit tastes aweful. I'd rather just stick with everything else rather than put those rings of nasty inside my mouth. But you want to know what the worst is!?........
FUCKING DRIVING!
Oh my sweet dear JESUS that is aweful! I always smoke while I drive. And this morning is the first time I drove without smoking. Oh the horror! Oh the fucking horror! You know I was doing good all morning. I woke up without any cravings. Which isn't so unusual because I usually don't light up as soon as I wake up. I like to get in the shower, drink something, brush my teeth, AND THEN sully my clean mouth with the fine taste of cigarettes. So I was doing okay until it was time to take Lilly to school. The moment I put the gear in drive and got out on the road, it was hell! I popped a sucker in my mouth thinking that would help, but not really. You all know how I like to jam to my music in the car!? For some reason I felt ridiculous doing that with a sucker! And then the song "No You Girls" by Franz Ferdinand came on and the lyrics go, "Ah, kiss me
Flick your cigarette and then kiss me". That set me off.
And it seemed like EVERYTHING was aweful. The sun was to damn bright and every time I turned the car it went directly into my eyes. I could have been driving with it behind me and it STILL would find a way to annoy me! Our car radio is on the frizt, so our satellite radio is on the fritz. It's not that bad, but in between songs you can hear the static. THAT drove me up the wall. It seemed like every one was going VERY SLOW. Then to make matters worse, I couldn't go right straight home. I had to go to the gas station to return a movie (they have one of those kiosks outside the door.) So I had to drive another 15 minutes more and go back towards Enon to the gas station where THEY SELL FUCKING CIGARETTES! I contemplated going inside and getting a Tornado (I fucking love those things. So does David. We want to get a hot dog machine and find out where they sell frozen Tornados. Then we can have them all the fucking time. Because there will constantly be Tornados on the hot dog machine. When people come over we'll say, "Come inside, would like you like a delicious Tornado!?") But thought better of it and got back in the car. Then I looked across the street and saw "Kim's Doughnuts" and thought about how lovely a doughnut sounded.
So I got the fuck outta there and went to my mom's where she gave me a bowl of chips and a sausage patty (I fucking love my mom!). Which was alright I guess, since I hadn't ate anything yet. But you should see the text messages I rapid fired off to David while in the midst of my nicotine fit...while driving.....
- " I fucking HATE driving with no smoke! HATE IT!"
- "And the sun is like even more fucking annoying. When are you going to fix the god damned radio?"
- "I need a bag of suckers just for in the fucking car!"
- "Yes I turned on the radio! You can hear static! Very annoying! Do you know how hard it is to jam with a sucker in your hand?! It doesn't fucking work!" (He actually asked me if I even turned on the radio. WTF!?)
- "I want a fucking doughnut."
- "No. I'm going to go home and eat a granola bar and an orange!" (That SOB told me to get a doughnut! Where's the fucking support!?....So I went to my mom's and had some chips and a sausage patty)
- "I can't wait to get out of this god damned car."
David seems to be handling it okay. Ever the stoic, he has not had one outburst. (But I'm waiting) His intervention has been sunflower seeds (with the shell). And last night he ate them in the kitchen. Because he tends to always smoke in the living room. So he stayed out of the living room. It was kind of funny to be sitting here at the computer and looking over to see just his head over the counter, munching on sunflower seeds. I actually thought this would be harder for him because he's the type who wakes up in the middle of the night just to smoke. Then as soon as he wakes up he smokes, smokes another while he's getting ready to get in the shower, and I think another after he gets out of the shower. But he's actually a lot calmer about it that I am. I think it has more to do with the fact that he is READY to quit. But I'm not. I'm only doing it because the mother fucking government is raising the taxes and we can't afford to smoke with only one salary coming into the household
*sigh*
Now I have to go get back in the car to pick up Lilly from school. How am I going to handle Thursday when we have to travel to Cincinnati for a field trip!? I have to actually drive there! I'm gonna need a god damned patch or something. And wish me luck. I have my first parent teacher conference tonight. Woohoo! What a fine time to quit smoking!
It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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March 13, 2009 - Friday
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Category: Life
*sigh*
So I'm into my third week of being a SAHM and I think I'm finally settling into the routine. Work on the house has come to a bit of a stand still because we have to get all the junk we removed from the first half of the house and moved onto the porch removed before we can really begin work on the second half of the house. I've been contemplating checking into this place I saw on a commercial who's number is 1-800-GOT-JUNK. My Dad has been saying, "Well if we can just get the red truck running, then we could haul it off!" Yes, we could. But at the rate it's been going with that heap of metal, I'll never get the shit on my porch hauled off. Do you guys remember the truck I told you about last year that my hubby was driving? The one that first was vandalized by someone while David was at work and they smashed out a back window with a tail pipe? Then the next week some one scraped their car down the one side of it while David was at the grocery store? Yeah. That truck! One day my dad decided he was going to tune it up or something like that. And it has never ran since. Personally, I think it would take a MAJOR over haul to get that truck back to working again. There are so many things wrong with that truck. I think it's time to just let that hunk of metal go.
But no, that's not going to happen. Because if I thought I was a pack rat? I have to remind myself that I haven't got ANYTHING on my dad. My dad has three sheds full of junk (well, it's not junk to him anyway), a spare bedroom full of junk, and this is what irks me the most....He has a box van that is filled with stuff from the gift shop he had when we had the carry out. It's filled with ballons, stuffed animals, and God knows what else. This is shit from ten years ago. A lifetime ago as far as I'm concerned. Why he's holding onto it I have no idea. Because when he dies? I think my mom plans on selling the van and its contents for a few hundred bucks and be done with it. Same thing with the shed and all his tools he never uses. All of that goes when he dies....Except for maybe the refridgerator he turned into a keg holder with the tap on the front of the door. I'm gonna tell her she either keeps that or turn it over to me.
So in the meantime I have been keeping busy with other projects like wiping down walls when I don't have Ariana and doing small things when I do have her. Other than that it's just been keeping things clean that I already have cleaned. The usual house keeping shit. But you know what? I'm pretty good as a house wife. I'm proud of myself! I've managed to institute a bed time even! Every night between 8 or 9, Lilly automatically knows to get her PJ's on and we settle in for the night. My house has been kept the cleanest it has ever been for the longest period of time I can remember. I have dinner ready for David just about every day before he goes to work (there's some days we just do left overs). I'm a hell of a lot more efficient. I plan a two week menu for the grocery shopping, lay out clothes for everyone for the next day, set up my coffee pot for in the morning so all I have to do is push the button. I set up stuff for making dinner in the morning (get out bowls, cutting boards, utensils, etc.) so all I have to do is throw stuff together and pop it in the oven.
Alot of this is stuff I did as an aide. I layed out clothes and put things exactly where I needed them so that way all I had to do was bring the resident into the bathroom and everything was right there where and when I needed it. I could have a resident washed and dressed in ten minutes just because I had everything set up and ready to go. I was a very efficient aide. You could never say I was disorganized at work. I was just disorganized at home (maybe I should have been paid at home? Maybe then I would have kept house better?) So now that I'm not working, I've applied it to home life. This may not seem like much to some people. But it feels good for me to be able to think clearly at home. To be awake and aware of what is going on around me feels GREAT! You know there was begining to be quite a few days where Lilly didn't have anyone to talk to all day long because I was totally zonked. I woke up every hour or so to feed her, love on her a little, or what ever else she needed. But after that I would fall right back asleep. And then if the baby was there I was awake but not very pleasant. Felt like I was always screaming (my first week of being SAHM I was still screaming a little because I was stressed and a little grumpy from trying to adjust. But this week it feels like all of that has lifted). I always felt so heavy like I was walking around with a lead blanket wrapped around me. And there was a tightness in my jaw that felt like I was always clamping it shut. I wasn't grinding my teeth but it always felt extremely tight in my jaw.
That's awful for Lilly to be with a person like that all day long. What kind of life is that for a kid who's mother is asleep all the time and when she isn't, she's a screaming wreck that can hardly keep track of anything? I feel really, really, reaaaallllly bad about that. That's no kind of life. That wasn't fair to her. And it wasn't fair to my husband either. He was living with a wife who was just to tired for anything. He says I don't look as tired, my skin isn't so pale, and I'm walking better. He told me I look softer, nicer, and more lovable. I wonder what my face looked like to him before? I wonder if there was always a sour look on my face? If maybe I had begun to look like some tired old hag who was never happy. Who was hunched over (seriously, I was walking bent over) with squinted eyes and a grimace.
But all of that feels like it's gone now. I feel lighter. And get this! Yesterday I didn't take one single dose of ibuprophen. For as long as I can remember I have been taking as much as three to four 800 milligram doses of ibuprophen a day. EV-ER-Y DAY! Just to dull the pain in my joints and to be reasonably comfortable. I was on medication along with the ibuprophen. But even though I felt better, it played hell with my digestive track (I was walking better. But the quality of my life was reduced to constantly walking to the bathroom). So I quit taking that and just stuck to the ibuprophen. But yesterday I didn't have to take one single dose because I didn't feel like I needed it. Yes, I took some today for a headache. That's about it though. I don't even feel any pain when I'm just sitting. It was getting to be like that. I actually hurt just sitting. And then to get up and walk was terrifying. I just knew I was going to hurt. And sometimes it felt so bad I wanted to scream.
There's no more pain in my back or at the base of my neck. I don't feel any tightness in my jaw, no pain in my shoulders, elbows, and fingers. I'm walking a little taller now. I'm walking with my back straight and tits out again! I feel looser. There's not that constant feeling in my joints of a tortion spring that's rusty and will barely move. The most pain I feel right now is my hips when I wake up in the morning after sleeping on our ancient mattress. And after a hot shower and moving around a bit, that pretty much goes away.
I FEEL PRETTY DAMN GOOD NOW!
So....I guess that's all I have to say for today. Sorry I went on for so long! Just felt like I needed to let this out some. Thanks for listening! It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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March 10, 2009 - Tuesday
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Current mood: blah
Category: Life
So I decided to take a break from cleaning today. I really shouldn't because I'm the type that once I take a break from doing something, my attention wanders off and then I never get back to it. But I think I've earned a day off. I haven't had a day off since I went on call. I have worked on something around the house from the start of it and by God I AM TAKING A FUCKING BREAK!.......................
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Well....Maybe I'll clean something later on tonight. But I'm going to sit here and enjoy the myspace time while Lilly plays with her V-Smile.
You wanna know what's really getting on my nerves? The wind! It's the ever present fucking wind. Ever since we had that wind storm back in September or November, just about 2-3 days a week we have had wind. And what pisses me off is when the news casters call it "breezy". BREEZY MY ASS! It would be a perfect spring day outside to have a picnic if it weren't for the wind. But NNNOOOOOOOO! The wind just HAS to blow. IT HAS TO! And you know, I wouldn't mind it so much if it were summer and insanley humid. But I can just bet you that by the time summer finally sets in, the wind will all of the sudden just stop. And you want to know WHY!? Because by then the air will be so damn heavy with humidty that that wind WON'T be able to blow. THAT'S WHY!
I need a nap.
As you can see, I really don't have much on my mind. It's a totally blank wall here.
And since I am a blank wall, I am going to go and have a picnic inside the house with Lilly. Yep! I am actually going to pack a basket, and then have a picnic on the living room floor. I'm even going to throw down a blanket. *shakes fist at the wind outside the window* FUCK YOU WIND! You can't get me down! *blows raspberries*
It's been real...It's been fun...But for now..I'm done!*********UPDATE***********
We had a picnic in the house. Lilly asked if we could have a picnic. I told her it was to windy outside and she said got all bright eyed and said, "But we can have one inside!". Then she dragged out our "pool side" basket (our basket we used all of last summer to sit out by her blow up pool, have picnics, get tans, and swim....We need a new one. This one in particular has seen better days!), emptied it of all the lotions it is now holding and said, "And...and...and...and we can pack our basket with foods!" So while I set about making sandwiches (and even going as far as putting them in baggies, Bologna and cheese for me, Strawberry jam and butter for her. We're out of peanut butter but that's okay. She's not that hip on peanut butter anyway), packing carrot and celery sticks, ranch dressing, corn on the cob (left overs), cheese, and yogurt, she went about laying blankets on the floor. She went through all the blankets until she found just the right one.
Then she saw our tanning oil that was in the basket. "Hey!" she says with utter delight, "We can put our tans on!" Then she stripped down naked. Which I was actually surprised that she wasn't naked already because clothes coming off the minute she walks in the house is such a common accurance for her. Can't seem to break that habit! Anyway, she asks, "Are you gonna be naked toooo!?" No sweetheart. That's okay. I'll keep my clothes on. The dog might need to go out.
So we laid out on the floor and I let her put tanning oil on my back, shoulders and arms. Then I greased her up. Then we ate our picnic in front of the TV and she told me that when the weather gets hot, we'll get the pool out, and can have picnics outside. It makes me realize that her best memories of last summer must have been the time spent outside having picnics, swimming, and listening to music. Kind of makes me thirsty for iced tea!
Then she saw a Chuck E. Cheese commercial and started yelling at me about wanting to go to Chuck E. Cheese. Even went so far as poking me in the forehead to drive her point home. It went like this.....
"I *poke* want *poke* to go *poke* to Chuck *poke* E. *poke* Cheese! *BIG POKE*"
I asked her why she didn't go last time there was a chance to go. Just to see if she remembered the lesson she learned that day. And she said,"Because I didn't listen!" (minus the poking)
"You'll remember that the next time there's a chance to go and listen to Daddy and me then, won't you?" And she said she would. We'll see!
*sigh*
It was a good time! It was worth it to take the day off from cleaning (except I did clean up the mess we made and a few other things from the rest of the day) and spend some quality time with her. Or more like David put it in a text message (did I tell you how much I text message now? I used to be totally against it. But once I started doing it, I became hooked. David and I both. We text each other often while he's at work), "Mom and daughter time". I didn't really think of it like that but he was right.
I guess this is one of the perks of being a SAHM. Cool stuff like that. We may not be able to do it everyday. But I think I'd like to make sure we do it every so often. So that was how it all went. Not that it's anything special, but it was to her. And to me too!
It's been real...It's been fun...But for now...I'm done!
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