Those of you who don't know about There, the virtual community I'm involved in, wouldn't know about the series of articles I've been working on for The Voice of There, the online newspaper that I write for.

During last month, and through September, I am writing some articles about musical groups that are making "appearances" as pixilated avatars in the community. These groups are HOT groups! Some are new, but some have been around for awhile, and ALL have recording contracts with Capitol Music Group, who happens to have just signed a fabulous partnership contract with Makena Corporation, the parent company of There, Inc.

The groups include (but we hope are not limited to) MIMS, Yellowcard, KoRn, Lily Allen, and Beastie Boys. That's all who is scheduled so far, but we're counting on more in the future when they see how well these groups do.

The reason this is so exciting to me is because I am able to talk, sort of "up close and personal" to all the artists, and interview them. I've never done anything like this before, and, "virtual" or not, it's a lot of fun! The links to the articles I've done so far are here:

My Interview with MIMS
My Interview with Yellowcard
My Interview with KoRn (coming soon)
My Interview with Lily Allen (coming in August)
My Interview with the Beastie Boys (coming in September)

I've noticed since I've been working on these interviews, that it sparks a lot of memories about the concerts I have attended over my lifetime. Not that I was any heavy duty "rocker" or anything, but I did go to some great shows.

I've told many people about the first concert I ever went to at the age of 13. That, I'm proud to say, was the BEATLES at the Cow Palace during their first American Tour. I still remember that vividly, too. How can one possibly forget something like that? I don't care how old I am, I hope I never forget how exciting an experience that was. I told a particular favorite story about that experience in the So There Forums. Here is the story…
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I was very fortunate enough to have seen the Beatles TWICE. Once at the Cow Palace in August of '64, and again at Candlestick Park, for their last American performance in summer of '66!

What I also remember was when they were here in '64, the day after I saw them, my brother suggested we go to the Cabana Hotel in Palo Alto, where they were staying, and wave goodbye... My mom, who was a good sport, piled us all in the Ford stationwagon and drove us to the hotel. It was MOBBED! We sat across the street on the roof of the car, watching the crowd going nuts, chanting, taking photos, waving photos… I haven't seen anything like it since.

A parade of cars and trucks appeared, some obviously VIPs. The crowd went even more nuts. The screams were deafening. Flashbulbs bursting in the daylight. Just imagine the sound on a local boulevard of HUNDREDS, maybe thousands, of teenagers screaming their lungs out. The drove out of the driveway and turned right and the trucks all turned left. My mom commented that the airport was to the left. Peculiar! We started to get back in the car and she said she had a hunch, and started following the trucks.

You guessed it, the convoy led us straight to the airport in the back tarmac entrance. When the trucks stopped, we saw another crowd of people, mostly press, I think, but there were some teenagers too. We ran over to the crowd and waved. My mom was right! The Beatles were riding in flower trucks! Just before boarding their plane, they turned and came over to the crowd, touching a few waving hands and smiling for pictures. My brother lifted me up and George touched my fingers! Holy krap, I almost peed myself! I said it before, I'll say it again… there has never been, nor will there ever be, a phenomenon such as The Fab Four!
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One of my other more memorable concerts was Bruce Springsteen… All 4 times I went to see him. But I would be lying if I didn't say that the first time was the most special. That was my first date with Jack. He took me to see Bruce on Halloween in 1980 for the River Tour. I hadn't heard much of Bruce's music before that, but I listened to everything he played afterwards. But the best part was, Jack never forgot about the anniversary of our first date… NEVER. Maybe being on Halloween helped, but I would like to think it was because he was that thoughtful.

I practically had a religious experience when I went to see Pink Floyd perform "The Wall" in concert. There were only 2 North American venues; Los Angeles, and New York. It was outstanding, an amazing production. The first I had ever seen with such elaborate scenery and technical wizardry. Also in attendance with us were Mary Jane, Shrooms and Looooooood's, who saw to it that everything was colorfully emphasized and as clear as crystal… until the next morning. But none the less, it was also an experience I will never forget.

Over the years from the time I saw the Beatles (Twice! Again 2 years later!) I have attended some very VERY good performances. All which stick in my mind for one reason or another, mostly because of the experience I had there, not because of anything about the performers.

I saw Crosby, Stills and Nash, along with Santana Blues Band in my high school gymnasium. I remember that show only cost me $1. I watched Sammy Davis Jr. perform in Lake Tahoe on the day that Judy Garland died. Nobody knew about it when he announced it. Nobody said a word when he sang, "Over the Rainbow" as a tribute. But what was just as memorable is that I was able to meet Mr. Davis personally at the Tahoe Airport earlier that day and get his autograph.

I saw Billy Joel, Bob Seager and the Silver Bullitt Band, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and Boz Scaggs. I saw the Rolling Stones with Guns and Roses, and watched Ike and Tina Turner perform (Tina without her boob covered during part of the show). I went to Captain and Tenille, David Copperfield, AND the Manhattan Transfer, all on my Wedding night, and danced in the aisles to Prince and, recently, Police.

Somewhere in there, I remember Jim Stafford and Blood Sweat and Tears, Peter, Paul and Mary, and even Tom Jones (STILL sessy as HELL!) I watched Natalie Cole, and even one time, got to see The King Family all perform together. (Google it!)

Some people don't like to go to concerts because they say the quality of music is never the same, never quite as pristine as hearing the studio version of the music. And that would probably be true. However, concerts are NOT just about going and listening to the music… THAT you can do in your livingroom, or in your car.

Going to concerts is all about the experience. It's about being able to say, "I saw that group and had a great time!" Or, "When I saw that singer, do you know what happened to me?…" Or, maybe, it's about reminiscing about the experience 42 years later. Listening to someone who's about 30 years younger telling you that their favorite group, coincidently enough, happens to be… the Beatles. You tell them you saw them in person, and watch as their eyes widen in amazement, and you say, "You should have been there…!"

I was riding the elevator up 36 floors in my building at work in downtown Century City today. We have one of those little digital ads/weather/news/worthless info screens so that passengers who don't feel comfortable looking at each other, or those of us who refuse to be on their cell phones during the 30 second ride to the top, have something to read to keep from being too bored.

Every day, it offers a potpourri of worthless trivia, or random questions. Today's question, however, struck an interest spark, and immediately, I thought, 'That's worth blogging!'

The question was, What advice would you give yourself 20 years ago?

Okay, first of all, I had to remember where I was and what I was doing 20 years ago. I was living in a GORGEOUS 3 bedroom, rent-controlled two story apartment, married just over 5 years, and working as an office manager for an Ophthalmologist in the Marina.

Then I had to think about what the advice would have to deal with... what did I *need* the advice about? My work? My marriage? My life's direction? My health? My family? And what would it change, if anything, in the outcome today?

My job was really good, and I enjoyed it. It wasn't boring, and it was in a great location. Salary and benefits were good and the future looked successful. My marriage (at that time) couldn't be better. We were saving money, investing some of our savings, we enjoyed... no, we LOVED each other's company, and we laughed. Laughed a lot. My life's direction had promise and hope in its future. My husband thought a lot about retirement, even then, so we planned accordingly. I was learning new things everyday about how to do my job better, and if I wanted to change my career, I felt I could always take that chance, take the time and do it. My health was so/so... I needed to lose some weight back then, but the good news is that the weight was put on by stopping our smoking habit, so it was a trade off. And besides... later on I lost the weight.

The last thing I can think of is my family.

My mom, most of all. This month 20 years ago was just 4 short months before my mom would pass on. If I had known then, what I know now, I don't necessarily think that anything would have changed my mother's outcome, but quite possibly things would have changed the way I remember things. I'm not saying that things ended bad for my mom and me, but they could have been better.

About 2 or 3 months before she died, she seemed to be having difficulties dealing with some paperwork and business left behind by my stepdad, who had passed away just a few short months before she did. Jack, my husband, offered to go and help her deal with some of it. We made plane reservations, arranged for a rental car, and took the trip. When we got there, we walked up to the door and knocked. No answer, but there was a note. "I'm sorry kids," it said. "I had to go help out a friend. I will talk to you later. Love Mom."

You can't imagine how that felt. I knocked on the door BANGED on it! I *KNEW* she was in there! My mother never went out! Especially since Ed died, she never drove alone! She never even went to the store. She had everything delivered to her, ... even her vodka.

I was furious! I was livid... crying, even screaming, Jack had to help me back into the car. We didn't even wait for "later," because we both knew that she wouldn't be there...wouldn't answer her door. We turned around and flew back to Los Angeles... a quick 4 hour trip.

It took me weeks to just finally be able to answer the phone when she called. And even then, the first few conversations were me questioning her, accusing her... and her lying to me, telling me it couldn't be helped.

During the time of these first few very cold, very angry conversations, I struggled to seriously deal with my mother's alcoholism. It was ruining her life, killing her... I could see that, and have seen that for years. It was ruining me... *us*.

A friend of mine was going to Al-Anon to help her work out her troubles with a boyfriend who was a heavy drinker. Through Al-Anon, she learned that she couldn't fix him, nor was she responsible for that heavy burden. She learned that, if he chose to ruin his life, and worse, die, from his choices ...then she had no control over that, no power to change him. She learned that the only thing she could do is, forgive him and love him... and then, let go of him.

I started attending meetings with my friend, then I started attending more meetings, alone, and different kinds. I went to a teen meeting because I wanted to be able to see how teenagers were coping with an alcoholic parent, seeing as how I never had help when I was a teenager. I went to couples meetings with Jack, I went to women's meetings. I think the best meetings I went to were the journaling meetings.

This meeting would be especially geared for people who journaled, wrote for pleasure, wrote professionally, or people who just needed an emotional and verbal outlet that was very personal, more private. Usually there was a reading from the "big blue book," followed by a brief discussion. Then we were asked to journal for about 20 minutes (never long enough for me!) and then, if we wanted, we could share. I didn't mind. I felt it was the best way to express my feelings, anger... frustration.... grief.

What did these meetings teach me? I wouldn't be able to tell you at the time, except that today, it makes me sick to my stomach, thinking that, without those meetings, I probably wouldn't have had the courage... or possibly would have had too much pride, to do what I did.

In August of 1987, I called my mom. When I said hello, she said "Hi." She sounded very casual. But formal. It was almost as if we didn't have any anger between us, almost like it never existed. We talked about day-to-day things, trivial things. We laughed a little. We gossiped like we used to. And when it was time to say good-bye, I said, "Mom? I just want you to know I love you. I just want to tell you that, I forgive you, and that you mean so much to me. And I want you to know that everything I do, everything I am, is because I know you always have loved me and always will, and you have always wanted only the best for me. And I want to thank you for that." Because my mom is my mom, I could "hear" her blushing, stammering. She never received compliments well, but was always disappointed when she didn't get them... about anything. What I told her, it was such a little thing to do, such an insignificant thing to make an effort to say it ... and the response simply made my heart explode... "I love you, too, Darling. Very much."

September 16th, 1987, I found out that mom had passed away. We're not sure of the exact date and time. She died alone, except for her sweet little white Persian kitty was with her. Lying on the couch, she was probably watching "I Love Lucy," or one of her favorite old movies. Basically, her liver failed to work anymore. My brothers and I spent the next 3 weeks, cleaning her house, sifting through all the pictures, the treasures and keepsakes, her clothes and belongings, and we shared our memories.

What is the advice that I would tell myself 20 years ago?

First of all, I would tell myself, and everyone else ... keep a journal. Keep writing in it every day, if you can. Write about anything, whether you think it's significant or not. What is neither here nor there to someone else might possibly open your eyes and change your very life. In your journal, be happy, be sad, be angry, be frustrated, be vocal, be silent, be jealous, be truthful, be a liar... but most important, be you.

Secondly, I would tell me to never let the sun set on your anger. This may sound cliché, and you have probably heard this many times before. Usually when it applies to a couple, and spoken by a well-meaning and slightly tipsy best man during a wedding toast. But... doesn't this also apply to anyone in your life? Your husband or wife, your son or daughter, your friends, your dad ...and your mom.

Finally, they may not be perfect, and I may not like what they do all of the time. But this is the only family I have... will ever have. Life is so short, and there are so many moments, and memories, that are snatched away much too soon. Once they're gone, they're gone forever. I would say, write to your brothers, ...call your dad... and tell your mom you love her as often as you can.

I love you, Mom.