I haven’t had time to write anything about what has happened recently..
On Sunday the 23rd of March I saw Project 86 play at Easterfest.. Not only this, I met the band.
During the show I was all the way up the front, against the barrier in the middle.
Andrew was leaning into the crowd and singing most of the time but then during the last song, Steins’ Theme, he was right in front of me and looking dead into my eyes.. then it happened.. he put the mic in my face and I yelled out as loud as I could "You hate us cuz we’ll never go away! And like some sort of fungus, we’re growing every day!"

This was the most amazing point in my life. They truely are the most incredible band.. and their live show just reassured me of that.


Thursday the 27th of March I went to Sydney for the first time.
I stayed with a girl I didn’t know that I organised over MySpace.
That ended out being heaps cool and she’s like awesome =)
That night I saw Project 86 again at The Forum.
Man, was I in for it.
Andrew actually said how awesome I was from on stage.. I mean seriously... my favorite band in the world telling everyone that I am awesome??
During the first song, The Spy Hunter.. Andrew was looking at me once again, leaning down screaming right in my face........... he did it again.. the mic is in my face and I’m yelling out the ENTIRE chorus! "We caught you plotting murder! And now the tide is turning. We’ll light our souls, heat our bones upon you’re empire burning!"
I couldn’t believe what just happened... haha, and neither could the guys standing around me.
All through the show Andrew was looking at me, pointing at me and right down in my face... it was so cool.
After they finish Antisceptic started... they were really good, too bad they are breaking up.... anyway, at the end of their set the drummer threw his drum stick and it bounced over the mosh pit to the back where i was and practically landed in my hand! :D
After the show I went to the merch table and got heaps of stuffed signed and talked with the band some more then asked to get a picture with them and they were like "sure, we’ll just go over where there is no one around"
So we walked away from everyone and it was just me, heather (the girl I stayed with) and a guy I met at the concert.......... so we got a pic each and got to talk to them for about 20 minutes!!

Alright.. as if that wasn’t enough, Saturday the 29th of March I went to Melbourne..
Got there with no accomodation, no idea how to get to the venue or anything..
but I figured out my transport.
Got to the place... lillydale showgrounds.
Found some random die hard fans there from Adelaide that I decided to hang out with.
The show was pretty lame til Antisceptic took the stage.. everyone got up the front and it was getting good.
It started raining and we’re all just loving it.
Antisceptic finish their first song... tour manager (Adam) comes out and says that the show has been canceled cuz of the rain.
OUCH.. devo’d.

Talked to him bout it and said that there 4 guys had flown from adelaide and 2 guys from tasmania.. so to make up for the show he got us all back stage.. then... it gets better... we all got to play a game of basketball against Project 86!!
The game was tied all the way to 10..... then Project 86 took it home.
Was so freakin good getting to hang out with them for hours and was worth so much more than it cost to get there..

I’ll start the rumor if no one else has yet.. PROJECT 86 MIGHT BE RETURNING TO AUSTRALIA IN SEPTEMBER!!

After the show/basketball me and the four guys I met went into Melbourne city and stayed up all night goin to random places and freezing to death.
By 4am we got a taxi to the airport and had to wait around another few hours for our flights.
Was it all worth it to see Project once again? hell yes.

I’ve had the best week of my life. THANK YOU Project 86.

I'll now put these in point form and talk about each one.

?SEPTEMBER = FREAK IN BED Uhmm.. hell yeh lol
Loves to chat. Yeh, it's true.. I love talking but find it hard to know what to talk about.
Loves those who love them. Well if that means I'm easy, no. If that means I appreciate people loving me... kinda. i guess.
Loves to takes things at the center. I don't really get that. If it means like the same thing as "taking it t heart" then yes, it's true.
Great in bed. pfftt.. uhh.. yeh. I have a rep. I'm not a manwhore though. Just those that have been lucky enough know ;)
Inner and physical beauty. I donno about inner.. but definitely physical yeww
Doesn't pretend. OK! Thats total bs. I am the biggest pretender you'll ever meet. And I don't mean as in an attention seeking way, I mean the opposite. I mean I pretend everything IS OK when it's not.
Gets angry often. Yes, yes I do.
A meaningful love life partner. Umm.. I hope?
Treats friends importantly. No, not really. I've been f**ked over too many times and now I'm only friends with people when it suits me and when I can get something out of it.
I'm Brave and fearless. hmm.. not really.
Always making friends. Hell no.
It is all about love and fairness. Yes.
Easily hurt but recovers easily. The first part is totally true.. the last part is totally not true.
Daydreamer. Sometimes.
Horny but does full fill. Umm..
Opinionated. Most 'opinionated' person you'll meet... but I'm always right.
Does not care to control emotions. True.. but I do hide them.
Knows what to do to have fun. Sometimes
Unpredictable. I'd like to think so.
Someone to have close to you. I don't know. Ask someone else. I have no one close to me.. at all.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. hell yes.

damn it
i feel so... i don't know...
i feel cold, sad, alone, pathetic, useless, hurt, confused, angry, numb, cheated, depressed... and a fair few other things that I can't figure out

i guess no matter what you get it doesnt make you feel better
i got to see the band iv wanted to see for my entire life, Linkin Park
i got to MEET the only band/celebrities i've eever wanted to meet.. Linkin Park
and yet...  i still feel.. crap.

im honestly not happy with anything in my life
im not happy with who i am and the things i do (and don't do)
im not happy with the people i call my friends
im not happy with not having any REAL friends
im not happy with not having my girlfriend here
im not happy with my job
im not happy with anything

i seriously cant think of anything that makes or could make me happy
maybe my girlfriend but i doubt it for reasons that i cant say

most of the time I've been with my girlfriend, rebekah, has been the best time of my life
but not all of it and i dont know whats going to happen between me & her cuz of what would look like stupid shit but it is really important to me

im confused with the way i feel. i love you rebekah. i love you so much
to any girl reading this that i may have led on (either in gest, or by accident), i love rebekah and I'm not leaving her or cheating on her so if I gave you any other impression it was a mistake.

im turning into the person i hate the most
why cant i stop

fuck it. i hate this

f**k. f**k F**K!
I almost DIED!
LINKIN PARK ARE COMING TO AUSTRALIA IN OCTOBER!
(today) I was hyperventilating, and having a heart attack and just goin insane
like, im DEAD serious
I couldn't breath

evvery time i think about it i think im gunna die
this is insane
i get pre-pre sale tickets cuz im in the underground
....

OMFG! this is INSANE
i CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! arggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

BREATH damn it BREATH

I'm here typing this with the some motive but I'm not sure what it is.
I can't think straight, I don't know what's going on in my world.
I've got things going the way I want but I just don't feel content...

I'm making choices and yet I'm lost inside and don't know where I'm heading.
I am only as good as I feel and right now I don't feel all that good.. Which is turn is taking it's toll on my awesomeness.

I am emotionally hurt right now and if I didn't know better I'd take it out on myself physically just to get that bit of attention..
But instead I'll just vent like this and hope that I can get over it.

There are many reasons I feel this way, there's the girl I still like that tries to hurt me because I hurt her, there's my girlfriend that I love that has hurt me without even meaning it, and there's the first girls sister that is hurting me in an entirely different way.

I wish I could just take everything and make it right.. But even if I could I wouldn't know what "right" would be.

Nichola, if you read this.. I still care about you so much and I want more than anything for you to not be hurt over me and I want to be your friend without us constantly hurting each other.

Rebekah, if you read this I love you and don't ever think I don't because even when I go through stupid emotional crap it doesn't change how I feel about you.

I don't think this is going to make any difference to anything but it's worth a try.
I'm going to do something productive..
Enjoy your evening little ones.



"They say it's easier to wallow in distress
It might be true but they we'd look like all of them!...

I know you look for clever words
But simple truth is what you deserve
I have a lifetime of this evidence in me
But you don't need a story
You need broken legs!" - Project 86


"Drink all night
then ache all day
Too bad they can't say at the break of the dawn that the night was a dream
Yet nobody can say at the rise of the sun that it was what it seemed
I know I've swallowed it all and I could never be full
And now they call me a fool for leaving?
I know I've swallowed it all and I could never  be sure
And now they call me a fool for leaving?" - Project 86


"I'm your usual suspect
I turned my head in defense
That's when I heard you crash
Sirens screams like rival factions, two stories are told.." - Project 86

For those that know me at all, you'll know my favorite band is Linkin Park.. They have been since I ever started "listening to music."
That's like 7 years... if not longer.

I've been waiting so long for their new album [Minutes to Midnight] and I finally got to hear it today [although it's not released until the 15th] and it is SH*T!
I can't explain how bad this has made me feel, as pathetic as it sounds, their music has meant, and means so much to me.. and I've been looking forward to a new album more than anything else..
To make it worse, they haven't just gone bad... They've gone "EMO."
I could seriously go out and KILL some emos right now.. THEY are the reason that LP have changed... to impress a group of faggots.

Seriously, what the #^$#?!
They've played with bands like Metallica, Deaftones etc.... if they got on a stage with them now people would get on the effin stage and stab them.
I'm so ****ing pissed off.. I could kill myself right now... i could kill you.