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Jeannine



Last Updated: 10/18/2008

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Status: Single
City: ATLANTA
State: Georgia
Country: US
Signup Date: 4/4/2008

Blog Archive
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Tuesday, June 03, 2008 

Current mood:Introspective
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

The Journey: Life after Prommis Solutions; Part 1

Aaaaahhhh! I'm not used to so few demands on my time and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm all over the place. There's plenty to do…study for the GMAT, clean, wash clothes, continue my job search, prepare for the next performance or appearance, exercise, spend time with God, etc., etc. I just don't know what to do when. What is wrong with me? I'm normally so organized, focused, driven, and efficient!?!!

 

Somehow, losing my job has rattled something in me and it has become incredibly difficult to regain my balance…I'm trying desperately to reset my agenda to be centered around my identity and life purpose, but I find myself floating from one thing to another, not really accomplishing much. This is one of the most challenging times of my life – I don't want to make a mess of it, waste time, or squander growth opportunities.

 

Hmm…It leads me to believe that much more of my identity was tied to my career than I thought. Don't get me wrong – I'm not unhappy or worried, just disorganized. Losing that job was one of the best things that ever happened to me. My life is much more peaceful these days. But the disorganization and inefficiency is so not who I am…

 

Wait a minute, though…absent of the career in which I'd invested almost nine years of my energy and time, who am I? I know what I do, but if you take away any of what I do, I seem to start wandering…what is this?

Friday, September 21, 2007 

Wired for worship..

 

We're all worshippers. Every one of us. It's a part of our wiring; we're "hardcoded," if you will, to pour ourselves into some thing, some one, or some cause. Reader – don't be put off by the word worship simply because it has such a strong religious connotation. Let's dig a little deeper. The Old English version of the word worship is worthscipe, or worth-ship: usefulness, importance, or value -state, or condition. Worship is, by definition, the state of "…feel[ing] an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing)." It requires that we assess and assign value to something or someone, then our actions flow out of our assessment or appraisal.

 

 

For example, the older I get, the more I determine that my health is valuable. Thus, I work out regularly (sometimes not so regularly) and I eat right (sometimes not so right). But, here's what's real: health maintenance is important. Period. The fact that I didn't recognize that or take action for years never changed its value. Does that make sense? See, I could die of some preventable disease, not ever having acknowledged that eating right and exercising had value. My lack of acknowledgment didn't change the fact that I was wrong – it just meant that I would've died ignorant…and early.

 

I say this because I find that every moment of my days are spent assigning value to the things and people in my life and my actions (my worship) flows out of my appraisal.

Family

Career

Pleasure

Money

Celebrity

Fitness

Relationships…or the idea of being in one

My heros

My emotions

God?

 

I call myself a worshipper of God. He tells me that I should have no other gods…only Him. But it's hard – I have to make a second-by-second choice to remind myself of His worth and His value. Then my actions flow from that: I spend time with him regularly (sometimes I get distracted by someone or something else and it's not so regular). I do the right things – the things that make Him happy (sometimes, I move Him out of 1st position in my heart and do things that are not so right).

 

Yet, He is Creator: all-wise, all-powerful, ever-present, all-knowing, not bound to time, invaluable, King of Kings, Master, and the Earth with everything and everyone in it belongs to Him. My refusal to recognize that and take action on it changes neither His value nor who He is. I want my life, my behavior, the time I spend and the energy I pour out to scream, "I'm a God-worshipper!"

 

You worship. That's a fact. Look back on your day, even your years. Evaluate how you spent your time, your money, and your energy. Every day, your actions speak of the things and people to which you have assigned value. Your behavior screams "I am a __________ worshipper!"

…what's in your blank?

Friday, September 07, 2007 

Chapter 1..

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost.....I am helpless; it isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place;

but it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in....it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down a different street.

 

Friday, June 30, 2006 

One day to go

OK,  so this is the last day before two major things happen for me: I move into my new house and DP releases its third CD tomorrow. It's taking a toll on my brain. I haven't slept through the night in weeks and I am having the hardest time trying to get myself mentally prepared for the big day. All these thoughts of what needs to be done before then keep running around in circles in head, never really landing anywhere.

This is not a complaint, really. I'm so incredibly excited. The move marks, in the physical, the spiritual transition I (we) are experiencing. New relationships are forming and I'm feeling things that I've never felt before. My Pastor and leaders have spoken it time and time again over the past few months, but I'm seeing it materialize now, "God is doing a new thing... and we've never been this way before."

So, I find myself often longing for the familiar, old things that came easily to me but they are no longer a comfortable fit. I'm seeing that reverting back to them causes me more frustation than anything. Nothing is comfortable right now, though, and I'm in this strange place, somewhere between what/who I used to be and who God says I will be.

If I can just stay focused on what is most important, the progression of The Kingdom, I won't be tripped up by the enemy trying to distract and intimidate me (Nehemiah 4:14, 6:13).  The people who are attached to this project and my life in general need to have a real encounter with God. Every day that they live without Him is one more day of things learned that are going to have to be unlearned when they finally come to know Christ. So, the sooner they meet Him, the better. And if I'm off somewhere tripping over myself, they may miss Him 'cause they're looking at me. God forbid.