I'm in a pissy mood. I wish I wasn't feeling so pissy.

I'm suffering for a million mood swings....hungover....took my shirt off on stage at the 331, AGAIN....realized that makes me an attention whore.....hate myself for that......

Told Char and also told Cindy that I would go to the last night of Pi's existence and I hit another mood swing as we left Grumpy's and I decided to go home.

Dyed my hair yesterday. It turned my gray hairs a deep navy blue. Hair feels like straw and no longer curls. yay.....

Got accepted to art school. Very excited. It's entirely online through a school in San Francisco. Maybe I'll just pack up and move out there......

Dear god.....I have an English paper due tomorrow and I haven't even started it. I don't wanna do it, but I'm doing pretty good this semester, I won't fuck it up this close to the end.

Also waaaaaaaaay behind on the reading for my PoliSci class. Instead of using my 45 minute bus ride in the morning to catch up on this reading, I'd rather read Anthony Bourdain, or Chuck Klosterman, or anything really.......

I thought these pills were supposed to make me feel more sane. Now I'm grinding my teeth and pissy because my face hurts constantly, and feeling irrationally wrong most of the time.

Damn....I gotta go to work early tomorrow too. Hate hate hate.....

It's 1 am and Erin has been thing about too much shit, way too hard.

I get this weird itch to leave everything behind and start off somewhere else. No warning, no forwarding address, just poof! Disappear. I don't know why I get these urges but I wish they'd go away. I hate the anxiety that they bring.

Sometimes I think about this guy I used to have a huge crush on. I was so smitten by him that I just stopped talking to him and turned into a blubbering idiot when he was in the room. I'm so retarded that I used to think he was the perfect man for me. Of course he wasn't. Otherwise he would've made the first move. Adam is all the man I need anyway....

I was just thinking about how close to the end of the semester I am. A month and a half until it's over. I haven't done shit as far as studying goes for my PoliSci class and I probably should. English has been kicking my ass though. I did receive some decent feedback on my latest essay though. Teach likes my writing voice. That gives my self-esteem a boost. Anyways, I'm proud of the fact that this will be my second semester at the same school. My short attention span spell may be broken. I'm hoping to get through the next two years and get a web design degree (yeah, I'm back to that career path....sigh.....) I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.....

I'm getting an iPhone. I hate that I'm so hypocritically predictable. I hate my blackberry so hard. I love what it can do, but the phone just seems to be shit. I'm an Apple whore, so yeah....I think I'm getting an iPhone. Besides, I can justify it since once I get the iPhone, I can sell my slightly used Blackberry and my slightly used iPod Touch for more than what I'll spend on the damn iPhone I'm sure. I bitched about that damn iPhone and AT&T service for years and now that they've got the 3G phone at a reasonable price, I can in good conscience switch services and get the phone. I still feel like a hypocrite though.....

My new hair is awesome. All the flat ironing has done wonders for my curls too. I wore it curly for the first time in two weeks and my curls are actually behaving. I still look cuter with the straight hair and bangs though.

I won't let the small things get to me anymore. I'll still drink myself retarded on a pretty steady basis. I'm leaving work early on Halloween so I can stalk out a table at Grumpy's for the Mask-A-Raid (really, I just want a few glasses of the Darkness and then I'll leave) My life is pretty damn good. I need to remind myself of that every once and a while. My head doctor says I'm not a typical head case and that if the other doctors hadn't put me on something before, he wouldn't think I needed any drugs. He gave me a prescription on Monday and I still haven't taken any. I'm scared too, actually. I should really smoke more pot. Ahem...I mean, I should really just smoke pot. I need a new drug of choice. Painkillers? Cocaine? Meth? Eh.....where was I going with this?.....

I'm excited to see Eagles of Death Metal next Saturday. I wish I hadn't missed the TV on the Radio show last mon and tues. I wish I could spend every night at First Ave.

I wish I didn't feel guilty about every tiny thing that goes wrong in my life. I wish my anxiety would stop interfering with work. I want to smoke more, drink more and forget more.

Damn, I AM a headcase! Maybe I should stop lying to my doctors.....

Dear Mr Bourdain,

I love you. Really, I do. I love your show "No Reservations" but I can't for the life of me wrap my mind around why you're doing this stupid "At the Table" talk show with a bunch of pretentious food snobs. Maybe this is relatable for New Yorkers, but I'm a lowly lay person who will never ever ever be able to justify a $1800 meal. I do have to give you credit for asking the question "Is it really worth it?" but I have to wonder why you've taken a regular man approach to a situation that you intentionally put yourself in. You decided to eat a $1800 meal and then sit down at a table surrounded by haughty foodies and make it sound like it is repulsive to spend that kind of money on a meal. You're right. It's ridiculous. But you also contributed to it, so I can't believe you when you play the "starving kids in Africa" type card.

This show is stupid. I sort of hate all of your guests. Yes, even the Queer Eye guy. I still love you, well....only if you plan on bringing back "No Reservations" Travel is marvelous. Authentic food is marvelous. Thats what makes me love that show. I don't care about the food being made at some overpriced NYC eatery. I hate small dishes with 10 different adjectives describing something as simple as mashed potatoes.

*sigh*

.....new bloggity-blog on pinkycloudkicker

This week I delve into the barrage of great new music being put out. I don't get too in depth, but my suggestions are always great, yeah?

just read the fucking thing. Leave a comment or two. Damnit I pay for that blog....it would help if people read it once in a while ;)

Nighty night!

So I finally saw a head doctor yesterday. Not like a therapist....just the guy to give me a drug prescription. Same old stupid laundry list of questions to determine what textbook headcase I could be defined as. I told him the truth for the most part. Like 90% of the truth 75% of the time. I started getting bored half way through. I sorta wanted to say "Listen....you're not going to take the time to try and help me fix my head problems, you just want to figure out how fucked I am so you can determine what drug to give me." He asked me if I drank or did drugs. Yes to liquor, no to drugs. He then asked how often I drank. "The weekends" I lied. How much do I drink on the weekends?..... "Like, 3 or 4" I lie. No chemical dependency issues in the family?.... "Nope," lie lie lie lie lie.

Listen, I'm sure I have a drinking problem. Normal people would say I have a drinking problem. Thats why I don't hang out with normal people. I like drinking. I enjoy a good hearty buzz. I hate the hangovers and thats why I've learned (the hard way) to stay away from jaggermeister.

I know I'm at the bar 4-5 nights a week. I know I'm constantly broke because I drink so much. I know I have anxiety issues and extremely fucked self-esteem. Thats why I self medicate. People like me more when I have a few in me. I'm a much better conversationalist. I know this, and I admit this, so why do I need to stop this?

The best part was after my head doctor filled my prescription, Adam and I stopped off at Grumpy's to try this new Bells on tap (at 4:30 in the afternoon) We finally stumbled in the door at 8:30 after tying on 4 more drinks. Poor Adam puked in the shower. This is no way for grown adults to act. That's why I love it!

(BTW....I can't stop listening to the new Okkervil River album. So awesome. You should download it.)

1. I love finding an awesome tattoo artist who really wants to create fabulous body art at a reasonable price. Look at that tattoo on my profile picture. I got that from Gregg at Inkaholics tattoo yesterday and I couldn't be happier. I love it love it love it. And he's an awesome artist. I know I'll definitely be seeing him again soon for all my other tattoo needs. If you're looking for a good artist in the Twin Cities area, check him out. Worth every fucking penny.

2. I'm loving being an adult. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I never thought for two seconds as a 16 year old that this is where I'd be as a 29 year old, but I'm really really happy. I love not having children to take care of, just a puppy to exercise and two kitties to keep fed. I love that I have a job that pays me enough money to pay my bills and support my drinking habit. I love that I finally have a grown up job that sort of just lets me do whatever the fuck I want, as long as shit gets done. I love that this adult job doesn't require selling. I love my adult friends. They're all so fucking cool. I love my Adam. He's the best man I've ever let see me naked.

3. Music. I love music. There's a lot of good new music out now. There's a lot of good new shows coming up too. I love my ipod. It's a life saver at work. I can't take it off.

4. I love my bar. I could spend every night after work at Grumpy's. I can't tell you what it is about this one bar that makes it any more special then some other NE hangout, but I fucking love it. Maybe it's just because Adam and I go there so much that we now know have the people in there on any given night. Bar friends....I've never had bar friends before. I've had barTENDER friends, but never a group of people I pretty much associate with only in a bar setting. Since I pretty much hate people, but love drinking, this works out perfectly. I'm totally nerdy for this place and I shouldn't admit it....but it's true.

5. I love my new haircut. I hate maintenance, but I look too fucking adorable with bangs and have gotten too many compliments, so they stay.

There. See, I'm not all nasty today......

I've said it before and I'll say it again: PLEASE don't blame me....I didn't vote for this moron.

I love the fact that this twat represents my district. This is an embarrassment. Someone needs to punch that bitch in her frozen-deer-in-the-headlights face.

Grrr....too many fucking idiots.....

"Joe," "The" and "Plumber"

Seriously. Is it Nov 5th yet?

I decided to get my stars. 29 stars (one for each birthday with a new one added each year) on my upper left arm. The tattoo guy said he wanted to draw out something good and have me come back on Sat.

So there.....K & I sat at Solera and ate tapas for an hour and a half then drove around trying to find a good tattoo parlor that was open til 10 and all I got out of it was an appointment....

Doesn't matter. It's gonna look fabu!

Tonight....October 14th. Grumpy's NE. Come celebrate with Erin on the start of her 29th year on this planet.

Or not. Whatever.