[06 Jul 2009 | Monday] 20:47
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Current mood:Patriotic
Category: Blogging
Below is a re-post of the blog I did for last year's Independence Day Group Blogging Experience blog. It was a difficult task to write, not for the research involved, but for the subject itself. Those who read me know that I seldom do political blogs. I choose to leave much of my work to be apolitical and keep my political commentary to other writers' editorials.
For those who do not know me, I work for the government and have served under, now, 5 presidents. (Regan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Ubama). But the thing I serve is the US Constitution. I serve with the spirit of the Declaration of Independence and ll that our Nation's Founders stood for.
On the weekend celebrating our liberty and the birth of our great nation, I'd like to share exactly what we are celebrating. Those of us here, in Iraq, and those of us in Afghanistan (as well as those who were here and are now home) know the meaning of sacrifice, and what we do it all for. So do the veterans of Viet Nam, Korea, WWII, and WWI. So, this weekend, if you see a vet, toast our freedom with him/her. Oh, and blow off some fireworks for me. Thanks.
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This is a contribution to the Group Blogging Experience hosted by Alicia. Every year, I normally post a copy of the Declaration of Independence on my blog in celebration of this great day. This year, I'm doing it a little differently.
This is a great subject just in time for the celebration of our independence from imperial rule and the establishment of our great country. I know that was Alicia's intent for the subject. However, timing and circumstance were perfect in presenting this as the 44th GBE. In the military, the number "44" is enunciated as "four-four". So, for me, it is symbolic to have all the "4s".
Before I begin my rants and tirades, let me first say a few things about the music I selected for this blog. The first is a song by LIVE entitled "Overcome". This is a remix that includes sound-bites from the 11 SEP 01 attacks and the aftermath. The song was written about that attack and the added phrases do a wonderful job of punctuating the message. It is a beautiful song, but a very sad one. Remember those who dies in the attacks and those who gave their lives in the war that followed. Remember what we fight for. We fight for you. We fight so that, hopefully, the world won't have to bear witness to events like this again. Other songs include The Army Song sung by the US Army Rangers. I am a Soldier. This is our song. I included two songs by Toby Keith. They are patriotic and do honor to our great nation and those of us who fight for its liberties and continued independence from tyranny. You may not like the songs or the artist. Country music may not be to your taste. Rejoice in the message he presents, nonetheless. I also put a song that is very close to my heart on there. It is by Sheryl Crow and is entitled "Try Not To Remember". It is about what soldiers go through both at war and, sometimes for years, after we return. Think about what our service members go through SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO! We do it in the name of your freedom and continued independence. The independence I refer to is freedom from extremism and tyranny. The last song is Jon Bon Jovi's rendition of "America the Beautiful". I thought about adding the National Anthem to the list. However, that would mean that my readers would, if they had any decency and honor, have to stand at attention while the song played. I'd rather portray a sense of patriotism without requiring you to have to leave your seat while reading. Enjoy! (And you can scroll to the bottom and pause it if you don't want to listen. But please do listen.)
Beyond my preamble, there are many aspects of independence I'd like to discuss. As usual, I'm presenting a philosophical treatise. I will illuminate some of my pondering on independence from multiple viewpoints. As usual, I welcome and encourage any discussion in the comments section. However, a certain amount of this will be political in nature. I recognize everybody's right to their political views. That is one of the inherent freedoms our country holds so dear. However, this is my blog. While I welcome the discussion, I do have certain rules. In my blog, I have final say. In yours, you do. There are certain rabbit holes I will not chase down. If you submit a comment that baits me towards one of those holes, I either will delete it or, most likely, not respond. The reason are these: I do hold many political values close to my heart. I will get passionate. However, I do not think my political views are worth losing a friend over. You vote your conscience, I vote mine. We leave it at the ballot box. Also, I am military. There are certain things I cannot legally discuss/debate. Also, there are people who support violent actions against our government. Any views indicating those will NOT be allowed on my blog. By law, if you support a violent overthrow of our government or any violent action against it, you are, by law, an enemy of the state. The charge for just making a statement proposing such is called "inciting an insurrection". It is not covered by the first amendment. It is punishable by death, according to federal law. I legally cannot and will not support such a criminal act.
However, I have faith that by and large, the majority of the people who would post comments here, though we may disagree, value our governmental system as dictated by the US Constitution. [Speaking of the constitution, I highly suggest actually reading it. Certain articles in there may surprise you.]
I used the word "preamble" to describe my first paragraph. Many people confuse the preamble of the Constitution with the Declaration of Independence. Considering that one was written 11 years before the other, I don't exactly understand the mistake, though both were written by the same person, Thomas Jefferson.
The Preamble to the Constitution is this:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
First, I'd like to discuss what many of these phrases mean. many people have misconceptions on the meaning. For example, "promote the general Welfare" does NOT refer to insuring that everybody has food on the table, medical coverage, a house to live in, etc. regardless of their employment status. It is not the "Social Welfare" established by FDR. Social welfare is a communist ideal that FDR initiated in the Great Depression based upon his discussions with the Soviet Premiere of the day (Stalin?). The concept of "welfare" the Constitution refers to is the general safety of the populace. It refers to things like safety standards in the workplace. It refers to building codes to insure that our structures don't fall down on us. It is about guidelines to make sure that our military doesn't go around training with live ammunition in our cities with flagrant disregard for public safety. it is about having a CDC that tracks outbreaks. It is NOT about paying lazy people not to work.
Ok, before everybody goes off on my about my anti-social-welfare stance, don't. Social Welfare has its benefits. A single mother in college attempting to better her and her children's lives is a great use of it. Temporary relief for somebody unemployed but actively looking for a job is a great use of it. Actually helping somebody get back on their feet, in intended use of it, is a great thing. However, it is abused by a large number (maybe not the majority) of people who are lazy and think that the government owes them for not doing anything. I oppose that abuse and I oppose a long-term use of it for any individual. If you say "what about the disabled", my response is "Stephen Hawking". The disabled can still have productive lives that contribute to society. I also know people who lost limbs in the war. Guess what? Many of them have remained in the military and still serve the country. They, if anybody, deserve to sit on their butts because they were disabled serving our people. However, they don't. So, naturally, I am opposed to lazy people who think the world owes them something just because they are alive. That view will never change. Don't bother trying.
There is a certain percentage of a certain political party that believes in increasing social welfare to the lazy. Why? They want to buy the votes of the uneducated who will simply vote for them in order to keep getting a paycheck they don't deserve. I'll leave you to figure out who I am referring to. Do your research. Be a politician's worst enemy, an educated and informed voter. CNN and FOX do NOT count as sources of information. The "news media" of today is no longer news, but biased political propaganda.
"Common Defense" applies directly to the executive and judicial branches having the responsibility to insure our citizens are protected from all enemies, foreign and domestic. It also refers to allowing individuals the ability to defend themselves, their families, their communities, and their land without recourse. Hence, the Second Amendment was added to the Constitution. I can own a firearm for the sole purpose of shooting anybody trespassing on my property with the intent to do violence. In some states, that still includes stealing horses, cattle, and (modern interpretation) vehicles.
Under the taxation clauses of the Constitution, the federal government is allowed to collect taxes in order to, in order of priority: defend the country, conduct scientific research for the betterment of our society (ie, "promote the general welfare"), and DEFRAY the costs of running governmental offices. That means appointees' and employees' paychecks, pens, staples, rent, etc. The only political office authorized a salary, according to the Constitution, is the President. Congressmen, Senators, and Federal Justices are NOT authorized salaries. They are only authorized a stipend to defray their office expenses (to include staff). Legislative salaries are UNCONSTITUTIONAL. It is a volunteer position, not a career, according to the Constitution. It is an honor to serve in that capacity. That is why senators and congressmen are allowed to keep their private businesses while in office. The President is NOT. He must live on his salary and budgeted office stipend, only, while in office.
"Blessings of Liberty" includes, but is not limited to, insuring that our federal government doesn't overstep its authority and restrict the "inalienable rights" that are enumerated in the Declaration of Independence. The Constitution guarantees these by explicitly stating that any aspects of governance not EXPLICITLY STATED in the Constitution as Federal Authority are reserved for State and Local governments, or the individuals governed. That means that if the US Constitution to include its amendments doesn't say the federal government can do it, then it cannot, legally, do it. Over the past 200+ years, our people seem to have lost sight of that. We expect the federal government to do things it has no right to do, then blame them. We allow the federal government to overstep its boundaries, and do so apathetically. It is sad that less than 30% of our qualified voters actually vote. What is more depressing is that the more active voters are those who maybe should not be voting, because they cannot pass a test on the US Constitution (used to be a state law in some states in order to graduate to High School, much less vote). I agree with R. A. Heinlein's philosophy on volunteerism as expressed in his book, Starship Troopers: Only those who have served society and understand what it means to sacrifice for the greater good should be allowed the responsibility to have a say in government. I do not mean you have to have served in the military. There are MANY ways to serve society. Just paying income tax is one of those ways. On the flip-side, people collecting welfare are being supported by society, not supporting society. While on welfare, I think (and it is my OPINION) that the right to vote should be suspended receiving social welfare. That would also greatly reduce political corruption. That does NOT include retirees, who contributed most of their lives, or those injured in service (that includes disabled police officers, firemen, public librarians, etc.). But that is just my view.
My discussion on the Constitution and its preamble really is about independence. It is about being free from a tyrannical government. It is about being free from corruption. It is about our individual rights. However, it is just a small bit of this article and not the main point of it.
The Declaration of Independence was originally compiled in its rough draft on the 2nd of July 1776. It was published as a pamphlet, a bit of propaganda meant to sway the fence-sitters who had not taken a side for or against remaining under empirical rule. Its original publication date was 4 July 1776, the day we celebrate as our official day of independent sovereignty. The final draft, as signed, ratified by the Continental Congress, and sent to King George was not actually officially published and posted until August 12th, 1776. Thomas Jefferson and his 4 assistants went through several drafts before that final one was posted. Here is the final draft, as signed, and the delegates from each colony who signed it (and I have included some annotation):
IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776 The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America  hen in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. [There is NO guarantee for happiness here. You have the right to strive towards happiness without governmental interference as long as you do so in a manner that does NOT infringe upon the rights of anybody else nor harms anybody else. The government owes you nothing to make you happy. It is up to you to make yourself happy.] — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world. He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. [King George and Parliament wrote laws for citizens of the British Empire, then said that these laws that protect the populace do not cover the colonies. He also established laws to protect the colonials that he flagrantly disregarded afterwards. They are enumerated later in the document&183;]
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only. He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures. He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within. He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands. He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers. He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries. He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance. [King George sent "representatives" and "administrators" to the colonies who had no knowledge of the colonies needs. These people misrepresented their "constituents' " needs in favor of supporting George's tyrannical rulings. This supported George's and Parliment's views by generating misinformation and misrepresentation. This was done as a means fraudulently satisfying his promise to provide adequate and accurate representation of the colonies. In modern times this would be akin to, say, being born and raised by an affluent family in Illinois, marrying a local and state political powerhouse in Arkansas, being given an honorary title at the discretion of the citizens of "First Lady", using that political title as a means of attempting to direct personal political agendas, then moving to New York and being elected as a US Senator in order to represent a populace she has no intimate experience from being a member of, all for the purpose of attempting to become the US President herself, all out of a lust for power. Who does that remind you of? Is she so different from those King George fraudulently sent to the colonies?]
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures. He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power. [Our military does not have judicial authority over our citizens on a daily basis. I cannot go out and be judge, jury, and executioner. Officers in King George's Army had the ability to institute martial law at any time, regardless of the decisions of the civilian authorities. State Governors and the President must first get a ratified bill of a state of emergency. Then they must declare martial law, under explicit restraints, for the National Guard or the US Military. These must also be ratified. The Federal Government cannot declare a state of emergency in a state unless the state's government has already done so. The Federal Government can only do so with the expressed permission/request of the state's government. It is restricted to a time frame, even if enacted. Extensions must be ratified by congress. The FBI must get expressed consent from the state and local executive branches before taking over jurisdiction on any case not expressly and explicitly stated in their charter. Do not believe the fiction depicted in forms of artwork.]
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation: For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States: For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world: For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury: For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offenses: For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighboring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments: For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. [He enacted laws that contradicted local laws. He did this with anything not expressly stated as the right of local, state, or colonial governmental responsibility/authority. He disregarded many explicitly enumerated local and colonial governmental authorities/responsibilities and imposed his own rule. Our US Constitution forbids this. Its authority must be explicitly stated in the Constitution else it is reserved for state and local governments, or a reserved right of the citizens.]
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation. He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands. He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions. In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. [Under King George, if you didn't like a governmental policy and you wrote an editorial about it, or made a public statement of disdain, you were executed as a traitor, usually without a trial. Imagine if you said you didn't like President Bush's stance on something or stated your intent to vote against him in the last election. Now imagine if the US Army came knocking on your door, dragged you into the street, and executed you in front of your neighbors for having a political opinion. I'm glad our citizens are allowed to peacefully remark on their opinions about governmental policy. I am further grateful that we can send sign petitions to our congressmen and senators stating our opinions and asking for change in policy to better reflect the will of the people. In those days, it was a death sentence to do so. It was also a death sentence in Iraq under Saddam Hussayn al-Tikriti. Iraqis who oppose the extremist views of Al-Q'aeda are at risk of being executed by them in illegal courts (sometimes not even a trial much less the mock trial) for such crimes as smoking a cigarette, being a christian, wearing shorts on a hot day, or a woman letting a man who is not her father or husband see the hair on her head. And you wonder why we are over in Iraq fighting them. This is the society they want to impose on the entire planet. Al Q'aeda's policy is "submit or die". Ironically, this is in direct opposition to the Q'uran which states that it is a Muslim Responsibility to protect all people of "The Book", who are also their "brothers and sisters" by the laws of Allah. That means it is a sin for a Muslim to attack a Jew or a Christian for being a Jew or a Christian. Interesting, huh? It is also interesting how extremist groups claim to be granting freedom while taking away free will and independence.]
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends. [The colonial government attempted peaceful and diplomatic solutions numerous times. Each time, King George said one thing to make things better. His actions were the opposite. However, even in the Declaration of Independence and the Declaration of War, our forefathers stated that when the dust settled, they wanted, under no uncertain terms, to rebuild an alliance with the British Government. War was the last resort, and we were pushed into it. Such was the case with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We attempted numerous diplomatic solutions. Their response was to attack the Pentagon and the WTC. Saddam's response was to put a bounty on President Bush's head and threaten to attack Israel, Kuwait, Jordan and Saudi Arabia. Part of his threat was to "use whatever weapons I have at my disposal". I cannot legally state anything about the presence of and WMD in Iraq. I can say that not everything reported in the news on the subject is accurate. I can say that a white powder in a black bag captured among a large amount of documents did get me VERY sick for 3 days at the end of the ground war. Naturally occurring diseases such as anthrax and ricin do not cause symptoms within minutes of exposure. They take hours. This powder took minutes. It took an IV of Cipro and three days of bed-rest to defeat well enough to go back to work with symptoms no worse than a bad cold. After going to war with both countries, we have been aggressively working on rebuilding diplomatic ties with both sovereign nations. Remember WWII? How long after WWII did it take before we had good diplomatic relations with Germany (the WHOLE country) and defeat right-wing/Nazi insurgents/terrorist? The last attack such a group conducted was in 1988, a year before the wall fell. We did not have a diplomatic relationship with Germany until 12 October 1990. We still have soldiers occupying Germany. People are losing patience with Iraq? Study history. We are already YEARS ahead of the time it took after WWII. It takes time. Be realistic. It took our country over 50 years to regain diplomatic ties with Brittan after the revolution. Both sides were actively working towards it (until the War of 1812 fucked it all up). By the way, the War of 1812 was for 2 purposes. The first Brittan's pursuit against Napoleon's allies (which we were one of). The second, and less important reason, was an attempt to regain the colonies. That was not, however, the primary purpose. In any case, 50 years is about the average to rebuild after a war and re-establish a good diplomatic relationship. those who want us to pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq now are fucking morons with no concept of reality. I say we should pull out of Japan, Germany, and Italy first. Oh, and nobody complains about the fact we still have soldiers in Korea, and are still legally at war with North Korea, only we remain in a stagnated cease-fire agreement. Yep, we are still legally at war with North Korea. Where are the protesters complaining about that? Again, look at the fucking world and reality. Know what you are talking about before you say something stupid like "we need to pull out of Iraq". You say that to me without anything to logically back it up, and you label yourself as ignorant with no concept of world events. Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. History is filled with the countless times we have been forced to conduct military operations, pulled out without seeing the mission to its full and logical conclusion, and had to return to do it again. You want examples: The Phillipeans, the Former Yugoslavia (Bosnia then Kosovo), Siam/French Indo-China/Viet Nam (all the same country), Germany, Panama, Mexico, Cuba, China, Afghanistan, and IRAQ. Why do we do these things on foreign soil? Remember that "promote the general Welfare" clause in the Preamble? We do so to better our diplomatic position in the world in order to insure the economic, physical, and emotional safety of our citizens including those who choose to travel abroad. We do so to deter attacks like the WTC, the Pentagon, and the burning of Washington DC (War of 1812) don't happen again. That falls under the "provide for the common defense" portion. If the enemy is defeated and its remnants become our allies, the threat is gone. If somebody threatens to kill you and your family, do you sleep soundly right away or not until they are safely behind bars and no longer a threat? It is the same ideal.]
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
For your edification, I am not a Republican. There are too many things that party stands for that I disagree with. I do tend to vote Republican for presidential elections because the Republican is normally the least of two evils, and my party's candidate has less a chance of being elected to president than a snowball has a chance of surviving a lava bath during a volcanic eruption. I do not like the Democrats because they try to force the poor to dependence upon the government, removing their free will and motivation to improve society or their place within it; while attempting to stifle the affluent independent business owners forcing them to reward the lazy by increasing taxation and therefore reducing any motivation of the public business sector to increase productivity. We call that socialism, a political system the forces a communist state. Republicans, on the other hand, attempt to put the power into the hands of the few. We call that an oligarchy, which is only a few baby-steps away from a dictatorship. I support a representative democratic republic, the very political system of our Constitution. we need both the political views of the democrats and the republicans to balance each other. We need the views of other, lesser, political parties to lend to the diversity that makes our country so great. Our political system counts upon that diverity to adequately represent and govern our citizens. I am not right-wing nor left wing. I am dead in the middle. I am accused of being a liberal by the conservative right. I am accused of being ultra-right-wing conservative by the liberal left. I am neither. I am also free to make that independent choice by virtue of our Constitution and very freedoms we hold so dear. They are freedoms I will fight for and am willing (though not eager) to die for. And so ends the political portion of this essay. Thank you for bearing with me. Independence. We are born to strive for it. It is basic human nature to want it. When we begin to walk and realize we have hands, we begin to attempt to wander off on our own. we begin to do things around the house on our own accord. Our parents try to reel us in and teach us values. We cry in protest. We fight to stay up later. We fight to go to sleep in the middle of the afternoon though mommy and daddy want us to stay awake so we sleep at night, when we are supposed to. We strive to make our own decisions on what we eat and drink. We steal cookies from the cookie jar in between meals. We wander off in the store. We stay out past curfew. We rebel and misbehave. A teenagers, we strive to get our drivers' licenses so we can travel freely. We strive to get that first job so we can pay our own way or have things that are ours, earned by us, that mommy and daddy cannot take away. We strive to move out into our own homes to be independent and free of mommy and daddy's house rules. When we have our own families, we realize the reasons for those rules we struggled so hard to get away from.
This struggle for independence is natural. It shows growth and maturity. It is how we find our place in the world and establish our identities (another great GBE subject!!!). It is the process through which we become productive adult members of society. It is the failure to do so that creates burdens upon society such as "welfare moms", thieves, drug addicts, and other criminals.
Some of us never stop. But many of us mature. We reach adulthood and a certain point of self-sufficiency. Once we have matured and recognized the responsibilities inherent to our independence, We realize that nobody can do it alone. we then establish a certain degree of inter-dependence upon our friends, neighbors, society, and government. Nobody can do everything themselves. We each need each other. The thing is, we have the freedom and independence to choose how much assistance we will accept. We also have the freedom to choose how much we will give or have the capacity/capability to give. It is through the process of establishing our seeming independence, accepting our individuality, and recognizing our inter-dependence upon each other that we become adults and contributive members of society.
As we age, we lose some of our physical self-sufficiency. It is the natural order of events. As children we strive for independence as we learn to walk. As we age, we find ourselves requiring aid to walk as our bodies begin to fail. those of you who read my blog on my old profile will recall my blogs surrounding choosing a name for my latest guitar. I ended up choosing my grandmother's middle name. In the blog explaining the choice I said several things about her to include my last encounter with her, at my grandfather's funeral. She was suffering from Alzheimer's and had regressed rather far, mentally, in senile dementia. But, that day she had one moment of lucidity when she spoke to me. I didn't describe much else of my observations that day because it, honestly, was a painful day to recall. With the death of my grandfather, her husband of over 50 years, so occurred the death of my grandmother's mind. She regressed to the mentality of a child. As my father says, we lost both of them that day. My grandmother became mentally and physically dependent upon others (family and nurses). However, to watch her was still amazing. having regressed to a child's mentality, she also regained that struggle for independence. Her independent will and spirit survived the disease and may have even been renewed by it. She wanted to do things by herself and protested anybody trying to do things for her, especially if she were capable. She loved to bake and still ruled in the kitchen (usually with a knife in her hand and a threat of "I'm doing this, leave me be!"). though she began to forget English, she strove to relearn it because she wanted to be able to shop on her own without requiring a translator. (She was born in the US, but born to immigrants. English was actually a 3rd language and NOT spoken in the home.) This just proves that the spirit of independence is part of our natural order. It never dies. it is also worth fighting to maintain.
I am relatively independent. I like to do a lot of things on my own, at least in my personal life. My professional life counts upon a high level of teamwork and mutual support. At home, I like to cook my own meals or pay somebody else to do so. I like to clean my own house. I like to repair things on my own, and build things on my own. I recognize my limitations, however. I know that I cannot rewire my entire apartment myself. I cannot move heavy objects on my own. I am not afraid to accept help. I also not reluctant in the least to help others if I am capable. As independent as we each strive to be in our youth; we recognize that independence, as individuals, will never be pure. However, we learn to balance our dependency and our independence. It is our individual needs balanced with our personal/independence-driven goals and quests to better ourselves that drive a progressive society. Society needs to be free and independent from the constraints of a restrictive and tyrannical government that leads to so many wars. People want to be free to independently worship within their societies of like-beliefed people that has driven so many wars in history it is far from humorous. This is a product of people freely choosing an extremist view that states that anybody who views otherwise is wrong and needs to be killed. The oppressed fight for their religious freedom. They fight to be free to make an independent choice. During the birth of Islam, in the very days of the Prophet Muhammad, the Muslims were attacked numerous times and were forced to fight for this freedom. Because of this, it is actually against the teachings of Muhammad to force a religious point of view onto another. I am NOT a Muslim. Yes, I have read the Q'uran. It is this individual desire for independence that leads a mutually dependent society to strive for its right of self-rule. People want to be free to make their own decisions. Societies want to be free to create the laws that best govern their population. People living in swamps in Florida should not be subjected to federal laws governing irrigation that are meant to conserve water in Arizona. That is why states need to be free to govern themselves according to the needs of their governed. People living in a rather rural area where law enforcement response is incapable of being anything near timely should not be subjected to federal laws that restrict them from owning firearms that would protect them from criminals who would steal everything they own, destroy their property, destroy their crops (thus denying them not only the means to acquire income to survive but also taking away their food source, therefore threatening their lives), rape their women, etc. However, in a larger city where cops could respond in a timely manner, if they wanted to, those gun control laws make more sense. The laws need to be made on a local level and pertain to the governed. That is the nature and spirit of the 2nd Amendment. No, a farmer does NOT need a tactical nuke to protect his farm and family. But, yes, I can see a need for an M4 or an AK-47. Criminals will have guns despite the laws. Gun control laws won't stop them. They don't care. I have the right to shoot back, if necessary, especially if I live out in an area that it would take cops 20 minutes to get to. Somebody breaks into your house with the intent to do harm, you have seconds, not hours. A gang of cattle thieves starts rustling your livestock, you have minutes and a need to accurately fire multiple rounds because there are probably more of them than there are of you. In Southern Arizona, we have "coyotes" who smuggle drugs and illegal immigrants across the border. They carry fully automatic assault rifles. They do so with a flagrant disregard for international laws in addition to our country's laws. If they feel that while out hiking I am threatening their illicit operations, they won't hesitate to shoot me. I require the right and freedom to protect myself. Hence, the needs of the society dictate a necessity for independent rule. I highly doubt that New York City is in as much danger from the people crossing the border from Canada. the same concept applies to everything within a society. Some societies need stricter traffic laws than others. The list can go on ad nauseum. The laws that govern a society are necessitated by the requirements and desires of that society.
Each society requires independence from a greater governing power in order for its government to adequately rule and SERVE the governed. Tyrannies do not serve the people, they serve the few or the one. They do not govern, they oppress. It is this very truth of human nature and sociology that dictates the essence of the Declaration of Independence and the spirit that created our US Constitution. Safety (welfare) is in mutually-dependent numbers. Strength resides in the independent spirits of each individual that comprises those numbers. It is the fair and equitable allocation of both that makes a society, such as ours, great. Happy Independence Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------- Please Visit Alicia's Blog and read the other great essays on Independence that she has linked there.
-----------------------
And one final footnote... when any bill is presented before congress, write your senators and congressmen and ask them "Where does the constitution allow the federal government to do this?". Follow that question with a copy of the Declaration and a second question: "What would the author of this document think of your proposed law?"
Those are questions that every legislator should ask. Then he/she should poll his/her constituency before voting. That would greatly reduce the amount of corruption and personal gains jockeying on the hill.
Hopefully, it will also limit the amount of tyranny coming our of the White House.
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[01 Jul 2009 | Wednesday] 20:06
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Category: Blogging
This is an excerpt of one of the books I am writing. I have a couple of novels I am working on, and I add a chapter or two whenever the muse hits me. I posted an excerpt a couple of years ago on my old profile. This excerpt contains the original posting plus an additional snippet.
No, this is not the whole tale. The ending is far from in sight. This
is more of a sort of outline of the work and abridged versions of two
of the earlier chapters.
Please tell me what you think. If you are not a fan of military/war/adventure novels, this may not appeal to you at first. But it is also a love story and a story of loyalty and faithfulness. It is a tale of the tenacity of the heart. I hope you enjoy it.------------------------------------------------------------------ ....................................
The Long Walk Home (part one)
.. ..
Colin kissed his crucifix. The other members of the team
each had their rituals. Many wondered why Colin had his. They thought it silly.
Colin was not Christian, yet he always kissed his crucifix before a mission
like a Cuban baseball player before stepping to bat with the bases loaded. But
they had long since accepted it to be his way. Chris tied knots in a piece of
parachute cord. John listened to dark-wave, electronic, or classical music on
his MP3 player. Colin the non-Christian kissed his crucifix. Then he turned and
spoke to the team leader.
“Mike, I have a bad feeling about this one.”
Mike smirked and replied, “That’s just your fear of heights acting up again.
You had a bad feeling about the last one, too.”
“Yeah, and Johnny caught one in the chest.”
John looked up and clicked his MP3 player off. He tapped the new protective
plate in his vest, and smiled. “And you sent the bastard to his maker while I
kicked the snot out of his RPG carrying buddy, if I remember right. These
things work wonders, buddy. Trust in your equipment and trust in your brothers,
just like we always say, right?”
Colin tucked the crucifix back into his uniform. What everybody failed to
realize was that his wife gave him that crucifix on the day of their wedding.
She was raised Catholic, but had turned agnostic since joining the Army. She
still held to some of her catechism. The cross was a symbol of her love and
faith in him, not a symbol of some god. When Colin kissed the crucifix, he
kissed Jenna.
The crew chief stood up and raised 2 fingers. That meant two minutes until
insertion. Johnny handed his MP3 player off to the crew chief. Mike and Paul
handed letters, already addressed. Colin looked back at the other helicopter
that carried the rest of the team. He checked the anchor of the ropes and the
fit of his gloves. He tapped the coil of his rope with his foot. Paul did the
same on the other side. They looked across at each other. “Thirty seconds!”
announced the crew chief. Colin and Paul kicked the ropes off. “GO!” and they
were down the ropes and on the ground in seconds.
It was a mile to the final rally point. It was a quiet movement. Colin thought
it was too quiet. If this were a leader’s safe house, it would have seemed
appropriate if some sort of security were set up. Intelligence indicated that
the building across the street held a lookout position. “5 up, code 4,” chirped
the radio. That was Don. That meant he took the position, subdued the lookout
there, and was in a good sniper’s over-watch position. “7 up, code 4”, chirped
the radio. That meant Ron had done the same. “Black 6, code 4”, chirped the
radio one last time. That meant the supporting unit was in place. Mikes voice
came over the radio “This is 6, line 1 code 4. We are a go. I say again, we are
a go”.
.. ..
Colin signaled to Paul and Johnny. They set security while
Mike and he moved to the objective building. “In”, Mike said and the other
three moved in. Chris bent down and made a rung out of his hands. Colin stepped
into Chris’s hands and looked over at Mike. Mike nodded in affirmation. Chris
boosted Colin up to the window ledge, and placed a small ball of explosives
against the window frame. He carefully pushed a blasting cap into it and
shimmied back down. He remained with one foot in Chris’s hands ready to jump
back up. Paul made a rung and prepared to push John up right behind him. Mike
set a charge on the basement window beneath it.
Colin and Mike counted to three, silently, and simultaneously detonated both
charges. Like a finely choreographed ballet, Colin and Mike were in their
respective windows. John was in the upper window right behind Colin; Paul and
Chris followed Mike.
Then the fireworks commenced. Something exploded in the basement. The entire
house lit up, for a fraction of a second, like a summer’s day. The first floor
caved-in on top of Mike, Chris, and Paul’s bodies. The pressure of the blast’s
concussion felt like a sledgehammer to Colin’s head and legs. He felt the floor
crumble beneath his feet as he and John fell. He saw the iron bar thrust
through the side of John’s ribs, where no protective plate could stop it.
Everything was ringing in his ears, but he swore he heard John’s death rattle.
Colin struggled against the blackness to move, but his legs were pinned under
something. His ears were still ringing, but he thought he heard Arabic voices.
Then he felt a slam against his head just as darkness overtook consciousness.
.. ..
.. ..
Colin awoke, still in darkness. He felt his arms restrained
behind his back and he struggled to loose them. His legs were also bound, and
in pain. His head was throbbing, and his ears were filled with the din of an
engine. He felt the movement of the vehicle around him. A sharp pain invaded
the side of his head as he felt a strike against it. Then he felt the pinch of
a needle being stuck into his arm. All the pain and other sensations numbed and
blended into a floating sensation as consciousness escaped him.
The scents of sea salt, decaying blood, urine, and sweat met Colin as he
regained consciousness. He knew by the smell of the ocean that he was no longer
in ....Kenya.....
He tried to move his arms, again, but found them still bound. However, they
were now tied to the arms of a chair instead of behind his back. His legs still
hurt. They, too, were bound to the chair. The chair was made of thick wood. It
was sturdy and did not give to his physical protests.
The sudden flood of sunlight gave Colin an instant migraine as the bag was
removed from his head. Somebody was screaming at him in Arabic. Colin
recognized the language but spoke little of it. The yelling continued and soon
was accompanied by slaps and blows. Then a voice spoke calmly.
“Tell me your name soldier. That they are asking right now is your name and
unit. If you tell them, they will stop.”
Colin looked at the figure that spoke in English. He recognized the face. The
voice and face belonged to a leader of a Middle-Eastern terrorist group. The
group had been supporting the insurgency in ....Kenya..... They supplied fighters,
weapons, ammunition, and experts to numerous small insurgent armies. Their
purpose was not to set up any faction to win, but destabilize all of ....Kenya..... That was
why US forces remained there after they deposed ....Kenya....’s tyrannical leader.
“No? Well, then perhaps we shall demonstrate what happens when you are no
longer of any use to us? We make a final use of you.”
Two hooded figures dragged in another soldier. The soldier struggled but was
evidently drugged and wounded. Another two men brought in an unconscious,
shaved lamb. Two more entered carrying in a video camera and a spotlight.
They turned on the camera. The terrorist leader spoke, in Arabic to the camera,
reading from the Quran. He spoke again into the camera. They pushed the other
soldier to the ground. The Camera followed the movement. The terrorist leader
unsheathed a saber and held it above his head. He then cried “Allah Akbar” and
brought it down with all his might into the bared neck of the other soldier.
He pointed at Colin. He made another short statement. Colin felt himself thrown
to the ground beside the other soldier. He glanced over at the headless body.
He recognized the man’s unit patch. They picked up the other soldier’s head and
chanted. The leader raised the sword again and brought it down. Colin’s face
was splattered with the blood and bile of the shaved lamb as the saber severed
its body. The terrorists continued to chant. Colin closed his eyes and fought
back the bile that was creeping up in his throat.
“Now, nameless soldier, nobody will come looking to find you. You are alone.
Your country abandons you as does your Christian god.”
Jenna woke up. It was Saturday morning and she should have been sleeping late.
However, her tour in ....Kenya....
had made it difficult to sleep some nights. Last night was one of those nights.
Horrific visions invaded her dreams, even those that started out nice. Last
night started with a dream about her and Colin walking in the park near their
new house.
He hadn’t even seen the new place. They picked the lot together, but the
contractors finished building it after he deployed. She handled moving in on
her own. Well, the task wasn’t completely done on her own. Many of her soldiers
helped. The dream was a vision of the future. It was a harbinger of happiness.
Colin was anticipating retiring within a year after returning from this tour.
She had decided not to re-enlist and separate from service in two years. This
was where they decided they would make their new lives together.
Yesterday was her birthday. Jenna expected Colin to call, but he didn’t. She
imagined that Colin was busy. She knew he wouldn’t forget. Colin never forgot
these things. Colin celebrated the anniversary of their first date, their first
kiss, and they day they moved in together into the apartment in ....Arizona..... That was before
he was chosen for this unit. Jenna accepted an assignment in ....Florida...., knowing that Colin and she intended
to retire there.
Jenna looked through the stack of junk mail from the previous week. Among the
various envelopes containing credit card applications and high-speed internet
ads, she found it. She discovered a card from Colin. She opened it to find a
humorous card with two letters on folded paper within. She unfolded the first
one to find a poem Colin wrote for her. Tears streamed down her face in joy. “I
love you too, hon. God I miss you so much”.
Jenna poured a glass of cola and walked into the living room. She turned on the
television intending to find some pointless movie that would serve as
background noise while she surfed the internet for funny pictures. The news
came on and there was a tape showing her husband and another man. She turned up
the volume. The reporter stated “… apparently beheaded PFC Scott Johnson and
another unidentified soldier as a statement to the ..US..
to get out of ....Kenya.....”
She let the glass fall from her fingers. She fell to her knees in anguish and
screamed “NO!!!!” A knock came at the door. Two men in uniforms came running
in.
“My god, they aired the tape.”
“Sergeant Everson, we came here to tell you. We are so sorry. If…”
“Get the FUCK! Out of my House! It isn’t true. They’re lying. You’re lying. Get
the FUCK out of here!”
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
Part 2
.. ..
A week later, Jenna stood by the side of a grave at the post
cemetery. A military chaplain was finishing some catholic prayer. The only
thought teeming in Jenna’s head was that Colin would hate his funeral being
officiated by a Catholic Priest. But his records were not completely accurate
in regards to his religion.
For a quiet ceremony, it felt like too many people were there. Colin’s father
sat stoically as though this were just another event in Colin’s life. The man
actually had sat up proud when men from Colin’s unit presented a eulogy about
Colin’s service to something greater than himself. Colin’s funeral seemed like
nothing more than a spelling-bee or high school football game to his father.
Colin’s mother was not at the funeral. It may have been too much for the woman
to bear.
.. ..
This week had been hell for Jenna. Luckily, the military
assigned somebody to help her with all of the funeral arrangements. The hardest
part was sitting at the funerals for other members of Colin’s unit. While their
wives, sons, daughters, and mothers cried for each of them, all Jenna could
feel was anger. She was angry because Colin was dead, too. She was angry
because her husband had been made a public example yet remained anonymous.
Colin’s death had been in vain. The worst part was that none of the next-of-kin
had been given any answers on how it happened. Only Jenna knew exactly how her
spouse was killed. This caused many of the other mourning to resent Jenna. None
cared that she, too, was in pain. None of them cared that Jenna needed answers
as well. None of this made sense.
As they folded the flag, the hand of an unknown military officer came resting
on Jenna’s shoulder. The sergeant in charge of the burial detail handed Jenna
the flag. She stiffened her face, hoping to show no expression. She wanted to
hide her grief so she wouldn’t look weak like she had seen her fellow grieving
widows as they fell to pieces. She was not going to be like them. Jenna
Everson, ....Sergeant.., ..US.... Army was not going to cry in
public.
The salute detail fired their three volleys. Jenna shuddered at the first. It
brought painful memories from her tour “over there”. The second made her think
of what Colin must have gone through the day of that fateful fight. The third
marked a coffin nail to Jenna. It was the finale of her husband’s life. To her,
that third volley was what killed him, not the beheading he suffered. She began
to break down.
Her attention wandered to the empty coffin they were lowering into the ground.
She thought it irresponsible for the government not to have recovered Colin’s
body. She thought it more irresponsible that she wasn’t told about how this happened.
But Jenna had one card to play that the other spouses and families didn’t. She
had a way to find out. She still had her access to things where she worked. She
no longer cared if it cost her career; Jenna made a determined decision to find
out the truth.
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
Colin woke with his arms and legs stiff and sore. They kept
him bound when they let him sleep. They also kept a hood over his head. The
bindings and hood were removed only when they allowed him to eat. They fed him
scarce bits of the remnants his captors ate. He wasn’t sure if they fed him
once a day or once every few days. He slept as much as he could between
beatings and interrogations. They continued to ask him the same thing over and
over again. It felt like he had been held for over a month.
But Colin learned to tell how many days passed by the change in the temperature
and the dampness of the cell. He was kept in a small cell near the ocean. The
cell was dug into the ground. The walls were of a hasty and poor concrete job
that allowed the seawater to seep in during high tide.
Colin used the interrogation times to conduct mental and physical workouts of a
sort. He knew he had to do what he could to maintain as much of his fitness as
possible. While they interrogated him, he made motions of resistance that he
was using to conduct isometric exercises. Once, he actually stretched the ropes
that bound him enough he could have slipped out. But there were too many guards
on him at that time, so he acted as though the bindings still tightly restrained
him. They fed him not long after and retied the ropes, so the opportunity was
missed.
He was awake in his cell. From the ambient temperature and the damp floor he
could tell it was late in the evening. They would be coming to feed him soon.
He relished the opportunity to conduct some yoga stretches after they left him
to pick through the scraps they tossed him. This always helped with circulation
and kept his limbs from going too numb when they rebound him. For now, he
conducted his isometric exercises and moved as much as he could to increase his
blood flow.
The guards came and unlocked the door. This time there were
only two. They must have thought that he was weakening. Usually, 3 men with
rifles came in while a forth undid the ropes and removed the hood. Then,
usually, a fifth brought in the food.
Colin could hear the footsteps of only two. He could smell the food. It smelled
still warm and fresh. Colin tested the ropes. Again, his isometrics had
stretched them. They were loose and he was able to wiggle one of his arms
almost free. He left it partially bound so it seemed he was still tightly
restrained. His legs could easily kick off the ropes that held him by the
ankles.
The man came and took off the hood. Colin could see that this time there were
only the two. The one who took off his hood spoke, in broken English.
”Now you shall eat like a pig. You are no longer a man to us. You are a pet,
like a pig, unclean and kept only to hunt for fungus we use to make stew.”
The man placed the bowl of stew in front of Colin’s face but made no move to
unbind him. He could tell they meant to dehumanize him by forcing him to shove
his own face in the bowl and eat like a dog, without his hands. The one holding
the gun turned to head out of the room. The other turned to follow.
Colin freed his hands and legs and made his move. He swept his leg around and
tripped the one who carried in the food. The man came down hard and cracked his
head on the concrete floor and was out cold. A small stream of blood began to
trickle from the back of his head.
Colin didn’t hesitate. He was on his feet and wrestling the rifle from the
armed guard in a split second. He raised his knee and kicked the guard in the
groin. He followed up this attack with a twist of his body and an elbow to the
guard’s temple. He stepped in with the leg closer to the man’s body and brought
down his center of mass. Colin then came up under the rifle and threw the guard
to the ground, thus freeing the rifle. He followed this up with a kick to the
man’s neck that shattered the guard’s trachea. Colin came down with the butt of
the rifle onto the man’s face. He put all of his body weight behind the final
blow.
Colin walked back to the first guard. He wanted to be sure the man was dead so
he couldn’t come to and sound the alarm. Colin grabbed the man’s head with both
his hands and jerked it around quickly. With a quick “crack” the man’s cervical
spine snapped. Colin wiped the blood off his hands and onto the man’s shirt. He
ejected the magazine from the rifle and made an assessment of how many bullets
were in it. It appeared full, plus or minus a round or two.
....................
He peered out into the hall. There were three empty chairs
where guards should have been. Colin counted on one of them being the man he
took the rifle from. That meant at least two others were nearby. The chairs
were near a doorway. Colin quickly moved to the edge of the door and peered
outside. The sun was just beginning to set. He listened to the sounds waves
crashing on the beach and heard them broken by the sound of the evening call to
prayer. He surmised that the other guards must be outside preparing themselves
to pray.
Colin lowered himself to the floor and crawled out the door. He made his way
behind a rock and looked out towards the beach. About 100 feet away, three men
were kneeling and wiping sand against their brows. Colin edged around the rock
and aimed at the closest one. He watched as they genuflected and prayed. As the
prayer ended he fired a shot through the man’s head. He fired 3 more shots into
the other two men, killing them.
The men had their rifles on the ground next to them. Two were also wearing
pistols. Colin recovered the full magazines from the three men and took the two
pistols plus an extra clip for each. He stuffed the pistols into his sagging
belt and shoved the rifle magazines into his pockets. Then Colin ran for the shore.
He knew the rising tide would cover his tracks. He ran for a few feet in one
direction on the water’s edge. He took a step into the tide and turned the
other way, masking his evasion route.
Colin ran until near sunrise, taking only a few breaks to catch his breath. He
saw the outskirts of a port city on the horizon as the sun was barely beginning
to grant the new day its glamor. Colin saw a fishing dock and nestled himself
underneath for a short nap. He knew that moving in the mid-day sun would be harsh,
but trying to rest in it would be a waste of energy. He knew that upon waking,
his first order of business would be to find some clothes that would help him
better blend in with the locals. But for now, he needed to conserve some
energy. This was more than likely going to prove to be a long day and a longer
week.
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[19 Jun 2009 | Friday] 20:23
|
Current mood:  exhausted
Category: Blogging
After the news I received today, I felt compelled to update and repost this blog. An acquaintence of mine took his own life earlier this week. He got himself in a bit of a mess. Marital problems and being deployed to a war zone increased his feelings of hopelessness exponentially. I am a few hundred miles away and definately not among his closest friends. Still, the man had served a remarkable career in the Army. His family's loss is the Army's loss and our nation's loss.
It just irritates me that nobody around him saw the signals. Nobody around him took the time to stop him and confront him, get him to talk. It seems as though nobody cared enough to pay attention until it was too late. Please, if you know somebody in trouble, please help him or her. Don't let a life be wasted on fleeting feelings of hopelessness or frustration. If you are in trouble, don't let your life be wasted. Get help! As long as you are still breathing, there is a solution, an answer, a way. Life does not throw us anything we cannot handle. We may not be able to handle everything on our own, but there is nothing that we cannot handle with help.
This is a subject that is actually quite difficult for me to write about. However, recent events forced me to ponder the subject, almost to obsess over it. So, here I am, openly and publicly blogging about a monumentally serious issue. I urge and beg my regular readers to "pimp out" this blog. I ask you not because I am an "attention whore". I ask you to because of how important this subject is to me.
I am a soldier. I am currently on my forth tour to Iraq. Since February 2003, I have spent more days in Iraq than I have in the country of my birth. I have witnessed and been party to many things. I have seen the horrors that people can do to each other. I have witnessed the greatest kindnesses. Both of these are products of war. It brings out the best and the worst in people.
I have had people close to me die. I stopped counting because I realized that itemizing the fallen did nothing but dehumanize them and depress me. Now, I simply shed a tear and lose myself in thoughts of "the good times" with each of them. Sure, I have my sullen moments when the ghosts haunt me. Every soldier who has had a brother or sister fall has those moments.
I have had to kill. Trust me, it is nothing to be proud of. There is no glory in it. It comes down to survival. It comes down to "him or me or my brothers and sisters or those innocent kids on the corner". There is no glory in that, just doing what must be done. If there was another way, I'd have taken it.
Taking a life is too easy. It is a matter of pulling a trigger. It is a matter of stabbing with a knife. It is a matter of crushing a windpipe or snapping a cervical spine. It takes very little effort and very little thought.
There are other ways to take a life that many people do not think about. Suicide among military personnel and war veterans is at an all-time high right now. Taking a life can be passive as well as active. It requires you to simply do nothing. That's it, don't do a damned thing. Don't listen. Don't watch out for the signs. Even worse, you can see somebody in trouble and, with unkind words, tip them over the edge without even realizing you did so. Taking a life is just that easy. All you have to do is say the wrong thing, turn your head, walk away, and ignore it.
Saving a life can be just as easy. I have seen lives saved through the capture of a terrorist. I have watched them saved through the application of a tourniquet. I also know of a few that have been saved just from listening, looking, and asking the right questions at the right time.
I have a friend whom I adore like the sun. She is one of the brightest lights that has ever entered my life. I can honestly say that my life would be drastically different and less enjoyable had I not met her at a bar in Lawton, Oklahoma. One day, though, she confessed to me of how the world almost lost her. Hearing her tell me, I started shaking in fear of how close I came to losing my friend.
K had ended a rocky and abusive marriage. She moved back to her home town from Oklahoma. She was cohabiting with some dude she met and thought she loved. One night, she called me out of the blue. She was evidently quite out of it. K had a drug problem as a teen, and her tone on the phone indicated she had slipped. In her inebriated state, she giggled and laughed about how her beau had role-played being a rapist and taken her, against her will, anally. She also went on to talk about other things, like her fear of losing her son in a custody battle and her trying to get a job that paid enough. I ended up on the phone with her all night. I thought she was catching up and letting me know how good things were turning out.
I was wrong. A couple of months later, she and I were talking. She called me to tell me she had gone into rehab and was now in AA and NA. She was committed to staying sober. She had also enrolled in college classes and began to work as a counselor for troubled teens. Then she started to cry. When I asked her what was wrong, all she said was "thank you".
"Thank you. I am so sorry for that night. I am so sorry for what I put you through before...". Her words went on. The rest is private between her and I. But what was revealed was that the role-playing was not role-playing. He actually did rape her. He also got her hooked on drugs again. He was beating her. She found herself in a corner and was contemplating killing herself. She called me, and my listening to her, being there for her, reminded her that she is worthwhile. I reminded her that she was a good mother and how important her son, Z, is to her. She told me that I saved her life that night. I didn't even realize it.
I had a soldier, when I was stationed at Ft. Lewis, who fell on some troubling times. Paperwork had been messed up and his promotion hadn't come through, or at least the pay hadn't. He had counted on the money. Other issues from home compounded the pay issue. Then his girlfriend broke up with him. He walked down the hall one night. He sat down on my bed and asked if I could talk. Normally, he and I weren't that chummy. But, for some reason, he had something to say, and he trusted me to say it to. He started to talk about his problems and saying that no solution was going to come in time. Finally, I just looked at him and asked him the hard question: "Are you planning to kill yourself?"
He told me he was. He had a plan. He had bought a shotgun and had buried it in a field a couple of blocks away from the barracks. He planned to go out after midnight and swallow a deer slug. To make a long story short, we had somebody watch him while we went and found the shotgun. Then we had medical professionals take care of him. Everything worked out in the end.
[Update added 19 June 2009]
A soldier I know told me his story.
He sat in his Compartmentalized Housing Unit (CHU) staring at the walls. The events of the last few days bounced around his head like a million super-balls launched at high speed into in a poly-urethane coated room. His unit had an incident an he had to take an action to save lives. In the process, he had to shoot somebody.
Now, in the aftermath and post-incident investigations, questions arose along with self-doubt over the validity of his actions. "Did he do the right thing? Was there another choice? Why did this have to happen? What is wrong with this world? How could I have done such a thing?"
The whole of life started to lose meaning. The insanity of what were once clear lines between right and wrong now blurred into an ugly shade of gray. He started having nightmares about the incident.
There the soldier sat, alone in his CHU. He loaded his weapon and sat it on his bed next to him. He felt there was nobody to talk to. He felt there was nobody who could understand. He felt as though he were truly alone, adrift in a sea of horror, and starting to sink.
Then he got an email. He had, the day before, reached out to a voice from the past. He had hoped that maybe there was one person who could restore some shred of sense and order to the chaos. The email was from her. He honestly never expected a response.
He debated opening the email. Knowing the tumultuous past the two shared, he mostly expected a resonse of "leave me alone". Instead, she offered a small bit of advice and empathy. She had been in a similar situation. She promised to write back with more advice on how to cope with it. But, just her reaching made a world of difference.
The soldier cleared his weapon and placed it away from his bed. He went to sleep hoping that the next day would be better. It was. He hasn't thought twice about going that close to the edge since.
Just an act of letting somebody know that you care and that they are valued can do a world of difference. Many times, thoughts of suicide are very temporary and non-recurring. They are not chronic. Everybody has the propensity to stand on that edge. It isn't a sickness or a disease. It IS a cry for help. This soldier needed that help and received it when it came (luckily in time).
Nobody really wants to commit suicide. They are really just looking for help of some sort. That help can be as simple as a pat on the back or as complicated as long-term professional counseling. But it all starts with one person reaching out that helping hand.
There are clinically depressed people who suffer from bipolar disorder or some other psychological ailment. However, most suicidal people are just temporarily on that edge. They see things have gotten to a point that they see no other solution. The truth of the matter is that the problems will not go away. No, they are just dumped onto somebody else along with dealing with the death of a loved one. Suicide is never a solution.
I have many friends who suffer from PTSD. Hell, I am among those numbers. I can speak from experience and say that there are those depressing bouts with survivors' guilt. Survivors' guilt is a symptom of PTSD that makes a vet depressed because one of their brothers or sisters died in combat. The inflicted sees it as his/her fault that another fell, believing it should have been him/her instead. It creeps up on me from time to time. I have a friend, J, who suffered from it (and may still). It is fairly common. I get through it by holding onto the fact that I have some purpose in life. There are things left for me to do. Had it been me, instead, those things would not be accomplished. But, others, well, they need the same sort of reassurance. It is difficult to open up to somebody who "wasn't there". So, find them somebody who was, whom they can talk to. Let those people know how much you appreciate them in your life.
As I stated, though, most suicidal people are not "suicidal" all of the time. It is usually a very temporary and often a one-time thing. You can help them. Here's how:
Step 1 -- LISTEN!
Step 2 -- Ask them: "Do you plan on killing yourself?" Don't worry about putting the thought in their head. Trust me, if their answer is "yes", the thought was there long before you asked the question.
Step 3 -- Ask them about their plan. Find out how.
Step 4 -- Ask them why. They may not want to give this answer.
Step 5 -- BY THE GRACE OF G-D, DO NOT!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!
Step 6 -- Call the professionals. This is a life or death emergency. This is a 911 call. Do it. Grab your Nokia and dial 911. If you are not a shrink, you don't have the skills to help them solve their problems.
Thing to look for:
Changes in eating habits.
Giving away precious items.
Too much time alone (especially for people who are normally sociable)
Suddenly coming out of a depressed stupor acting as if all their problems were suddenly solved! This is a warning sign because it is an indicator that they have finalized their plan and found the "final solution" to all their problems.
The loss of a relationship (divorce or death or breakup... this includes romantic relationships, familial relationships, or close friends)
"Joking" statements about being "better off dead" or "it'll all be over soon" or "you'll all be sorry when I'm gone"...
Increased drug or alcohol use.
Morbid questions about drug interactions or other potentially lethal things... these are usually the questions of how to do something unsafe or unwise and the outcomes rather than how to safely avoid those outcomes.
A story on this sign dates back to my highschool days. We had an assembly with Tomah (the real life narcotics detective turned "tough love" advocate that the TV series "Baretta" was based upon) and a recovering drug addict. While the addict was speaking, one of my fellow students started asking about "speedballing" and the effects of "mainlining cocaine and heroin". Some of the other students laughed at the questions, because this kid was a known "stoner". Others begged him to shut up because the assembly was going longer than anticipated. Others just ignored it all, as kids will. That was on a Friday. Monday morning, we were informed that student had died of an overdose of heroin and cocaine. He "speedballed" enough of both drugs to kill a horse. He had never taken either before. The investigation proved he had committed suicide, for several reasons. Among them were a recent break-up, bad grades, the death of a freind from drunk driving, etc, etc, etc. The signs were all there. Nobody paid attention because this kid was just another "clowning stoner" and "slacker". If anybody had paid attention, his acting up in that assembly was a cry for help. Nobody paid attention to it.
So, yes, it is easy to take a life. It is also easy to save one. Please, pass it along. Saving a life makes far more a difference to the world than taking one. It also makes so much more a positive difference to your life than taking one. Do all that you can. That is all anybody can ask of you. But do it.
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[17 Jun 2009 | Wednesday] 20:24
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Category: Blogging
He sat in his chair, stunned and shocked. There she was, on his lap, looking deep into his eyes. He could feel her desire, and she his.
"No. You're married," his words cut into the tension, bringing a sting to the ache.
She slid off of his lap and to her knees. She quickly reached to his fly, undid it, and took him into her hand and mouth before he could protest again. He slowly stood up, cupping her face and guiding her away from him.
"This isn't right. You know it isn't. Go back to your husband. Work it out or end it."
"I'll leave him if you ask me to"
"I can't."
He could see the hurt in her eyes at the statement. "I can't because you need to leave him or stay with him for yourself, not for anybody else."
He redid his fly and helped her to his feet. He pulled her close and kissed her. "I love you. I can wait for this. So can you."
Her husband was abusive. He held her in a form of economic slavery. He controlled the finances. He owned the cars. He owned the house. He refused to let her go to school or get a job. He hit her. He slept with numerous other women. She had even caught her husband in the act more than once. Fear held her in a bad marriage. This man, this wonderful man offered a way out. He was loving support. He was there for her without wanting anything more than her safety and happiness.
A year later, she was divorced and in another bad relationship. So was he. He had been divorced for years, but he bounced from bad relationship to bad relationship. But they have remained friends over the years.
Who was betrayed? Who was hurt?
Two people entered into a relationship. There were no rings, no vows. There were only promises and a mutual commitment. Then he had to move, for work, to another location for a year. The temporary job meant financial security and a better future for them both. They had promised to remain faithful and true to each other. He had promised to always be there for her. This was to be temporary in order for there to be a more stable tomorrow.
Shortly after his move, she wrote him an e-mail. She said nothing two weeks before when they were last face to face. She said nothing during their twice a day phone calls. She sent an email. Somebody had convinced her that a long distance relationship, no matter that it was temporary, would not work. She dumped him in an email.
That was not the worst of it. She offered no rational explanation. It came right after she took a long weekend with "friends" during which she posted a poem on a blog that seemed written for him, out of longing for him. In addition, she maintained constant contact with him, acting as though they were still together, though denying it.
A month later, the same contact continued. Her actions deliberately indicating that the two of them were still together. Yet she refused to let him take any of his long weekends to travel to see her. Then she drops the bomb that she is moving in with another guy. Her reason: that guy is conveniently there.
She betrayed the one that would have been forever for the one who was "for now".
He should have seen it coming. She was not the first to do this to him. He betrayed his common sense by believing the empty promises of love and hope.
[A footnote to this particular story. It was about myself and the girlfriend who had recently dumped me. It is months later and I now have pieced the entire story of betrayal together.
During that last face-to-face visit, Melissa was getting numerous texts from some dude named "David". I saw what they said. I asked her about it and she told me that he was the brother of a friend of hers and it was no big deal.
She had arranged for her daughter to spend a night with her father so that Melissa and I could have one night to the two of us before I headed off to Iraq. Well, the daughter became a hand-full that the father didn't want to deal with. So we went and collected Melissa's daughter up and brought her to the hotel we were staying in.
Not too long later, her phone rang. Melissa told me that a female friend of hers was having issues with her cousin/roommate. Melissa was gone for hours, all night. When she came back, she was exhausted and reeked of another man. But I said nothing to her. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Some dude with a MySpace name of Seven Plus Three had been leaving her very flirtatious comments on her profile. He had been doing so even before that last face-to-face trip.
Two weeks later, she wrote a poem about waking up in a man's arms. I played it off that the poem was about her wishing I were there. She told me flat out the poem was not about me. She said it wasn't about anybody. Two days after that trip to the beach, she dumped me saying she couldn't take a long-distance relationship. It was "David"'s advice that she do so.
She moved in with this guy. She had been planning to for a while. She had even mentioned it while we were still together, and I had cautioned against it. Well, he treated her like crap and was emotionally abusive towards her and her daughter.]
Who betrayed whom? Who was hurt?
The patrol went into the town. They were ordered to search a few houses suspected of supporting the enemy. SGT Jack took his team into one house. There were no men home, just the woman of the house and her two daughters. SGT Jack decided to have his way with one of the women. He told the other members of the team to join in. He stated that nobody would know as long as they stuck together and didn't betray each other's trust. SSG Max, having completed his searches, took his team into the house to help out. They walked in on the young women being raped and what few valuables in the house being stolen. Members of SSG Max's team held to the code of loyalty to the squad.
SSG Max told SGT Jack and his team to stop. He called the commander and reported the activity. He also called for a female medical forensic team to come to the house.
As SGT Jack was detained pending the investigation, he called SSG Max a traitor and cursed him for betraying the team. SSG Max turned and looked at him as and the members of his team were taken away for their crimes. SSG Max turned to the rest of the platoon.
"I didn't betray them. They betrayed us. They betrayed the honor and the hard work we do. They crossed the line. They made us look bad. Who betrayed whom?"
Who was really betrayed? Who was hurt?
Betrayal always comes down to who is being hurt. If nobody is hurt, it really is not a betrayal. But betrayal is rampant in life. People make choices, sometimes difficult ones, for what they feel to be right.
The saying goes that we always hurt the ones we love most. Those "ones", at a minimum, always include ourselves.
In the first story, the betrayal was actually their love for each other. The young lady could have divorced her husband and waited for the young man. It is about choice. The young man could have, for her best interests, just flat out asked her to leave her husband for him, using the guise of selfishness to illicit her to do what was best for her. He choose honesty.
But, from various points of view, betrayal is everywhere. The SSG betrayed his platoon. He betrayed that trust of brotherhood by not covering for his teammates. He "dimed" SGT Jack and his men out. In doing so, the platoon lost 4 normally good men who got caught up in the insanity of war. But the worse betrayal was SGT Jack's when he put SSG Max in the position to have to make that ethical choice in the first place. The platoon was hurt. The Army was hurt. SGT Jack was hurt, as was his career. His men were hurt, being implicated in the event either complicitly or complacently. Whose actions caused the pain? Who hurt whom?
Seven out of ten times, we betray ourselves, first. Another's act of betrayal is but a response to our actions. The blame "starts here". The other three out of ten times, betrayal is usually a malicious act. But, like revenge and vengeance, it comes back upon us sevenfold. Nobody gets away with it.
In the end, our betrayals just hurt ourselves.
How do we avoid it? Be true to yourself. Be the person you want to live the rest of your life with. Be the person you know you can trust. You have to live with yourself all the time. You have to get along with yourself. If you are the person you want to be around all of the time, eventually, you will find you have a loyal circle of friends. It, like smiles and laughter, becomes contagious.
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[15 Jun 2009 | Monday] 20:28
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Category: Blogging
I recently had a discussion of sorts with an acquaintance about the concept of bravery.
She said: "I don't know how brave I am. Its a word people use to describe me that I
never feel fits properly. I make choices out of necessity based on the
options as laid out before me. I don't have a history of making the best
ones but I always try to make the best of whatever is set in my path. I
was scared shitless, as I said, my choice was made based on sheer
terror. I was also terrified of the choice I made. I am not sure how
one is brave when they are so scared."
My response is intermingled with the rest of this essay. I felt the topic warranted a little more attention.
First of all, nobody who is truly brave sees themselves as brave. It is only through the eyes of others that we may catch a glimpse of how brave we may or may not be. So if somebody thinks you are brave, you are. If you walk around with bravado oozing out of your pores, you are probably not. We call that narcisism and it requires a visit to a shrink.
Bravery is
not fearlessness. It is having the courage to act, to go forward, to
stand up, to do what is right and necessary DESPITE being "scared
shitless".
Somebody who takes a risk in the absence of fear is
either a fool or an idiot. Somebody who recognizes the risk and fears
the situation, takes all the mitigating measures possible, and still
does what needs to be done with all the fear and all the remaining
risk... that is bravery.
For some of us, bravery is just getting
up in the morning and going to work. For others, it is jumping out of a
plane into a wildfire during Santa Anna winds. The situation that
causes the fear, the risk, etc varies and is dependent upon perspective
and subjective viewpoints. But bravery itself is not subjective. Where
there is fear and perceived risk, acting in spite of it is bravery,
pure and simple.
I have a friend who has seen things in her life that most people cannot imagine anybody going through and remaining sane. She has done three combat tours in Iraq. Most people would have cried "uncle" after experiencing the things she did during her first tour. And yet she valiantly returned twice more, despite fear, nightmares, etc.
I knew a young lady (this was some years ago, so she may not be all that young anymore) who was almost gang-raped on her way home from work one night. If it weren't for some quick-acting bystanders who happened to walk by and thwart the rapists, she may have been raped or killed. She suffered PTSD and even some agoraphobia afterward. Just leaving her house and returning to work was took an effort of will. Some of us need the same amount of will just to make it to the office to deal with a boring meeting. Is her simple act of going to work any less brave than a Soldier who charges a machine gun nest?
Speaking of machine gun nests, my great-uncle Henry earned 2 Bronze Stars for valor (and 2 purple hearts) for doing just that in WWII, twice. The second time resulted in his barely surviving the numerous bullets that ripped through his abdomen. The first time could be chalked up to foolishness. But I am more than sure that the fear pumping through him the second time would have frozen most people in their tracks. Instead, he charged and took out the machine gunners and saved his platoon.
A veteran, former soldier, who witnessed a rocket attack maim or kill his fellow soldiers in Iraq gets jumpy at a car backfiring. Thunderstorms bring flashes and bangs that send his mind back to that incident. Still, he manages to walk outside and roll-up the car windows despite the urge to hide under his bed until the barrage ceases. To him, that thunder and lightning is a replay of incoming. For most people, it is just another storm. Who does that make brave: the "normal guy" who experiences "just another storm" or the guy who is fighting not to relive a rocket attack, the one who is scared out of his gourd? My vote is for dude number two.
Some people think I am brave. Hell, I even have medals that claim it. I still hold that I am not. I just do what I need to do to survive and to keep my soldiers as safe as possible. Still, to some people, my returning to Iraq for this 4th tour is an act of obscene bravery. I hold that I am just another crazy war vet who doesn't know any better. I have somehow managed to, thusfar, avoid being shot or injured or killed. Now, if I were like my father's neighbor's son, that would be a different story.
Partick's son had his foot partially blown off by an IED. He could have taken a medical discharge and gotten out of the Army. Instead, he went into a commissioning program and is soon headed to Iraq or Afghanistan as an officer to continue the fight. Wounded in action and considered to have done more than his country could ask of him, he decides that he has more to give. If it were me, I don't know if I'd make the same decision.
My brother took a brave step a few years ago. He was in a job making pretty good money. But he decided to quit work, live off of his wife's salary alone, and go back to college and finish his degree. After that, he decided to become a father and his wife decided to become a full-time mother. Now they have two wonderful sons. Money is tight, or at least tighter than they were used to just a few years ago. Deciding to leave that comfort zone and step forward to do something new and bold like becoming a parent takes bravery.
Bravery is any time somebody leaves the relative comfort of the known in order to take a risk and step into less comfortable realm of the uncertain. Growth requires change. Change means leaving the comfort zone and taking a chance. It means trying new things. It means risking what you have hoping to have something greater. The wonderful thing is that growth is great. New experience is what life is all about. It one of the things that can make a moment extraordinary and wonderful. Without it, you are merely content with existence instead of living happily.
But you have to take that risk. You have to be brave. You have to be willing to risk that comfortable spot for the extraordinary. You have to be willing to accept the consequences and acknowledge that sometimes, you know, bad things are going to happen. Many times they will happen whether you do something or not. So you may as well be brave, put down that remote control, and go out and live.
So, as you can see, bravery is bravery. It isn't about being fearless. It isn't about conquering fear. It is about deciding and acting DESPITE fear. The circumstances that make it
so are subjective. But they matter only to the brave, not to others. So, tell me... on second thought, tell yourself... are you brave?
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[28 May 2009 | Thursday] 20:39
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Category: Blogging
At
Arlington National Cemetery near Washington DC there is a tomb containing three
graves. The names of those who occupy those graves are unknown. Even with
current technology, we may never identify who those brave soldiers were. We
know only that they valiantly made the ultimate sacrifice for our country and
our way of life. They died so that subsequent generations would know security,
safety, happiness and the blessings of liberty guaranteed by our US
Constitution.
Below
are some of the names of those who have fallen in the war against terror and
tyranny in Iraq. This is not an all inclusive list. I know many names are
missing. Highlighted are the names of soldiers I served with and knew. I knew
some of them only in passing. Others I served alongside with. Some were names I
recognized from having communicated briefly with, if only to exchange a “Good
Morning”. Others were close friends, brothers and sisters who are deeply
missed.
Please,
as you look at this list, do so somberly. Do so knowing what they and their
families gave up for you, for us. Recognize that they did not die in vain, but
for something greater than any one of us. If, within this list, there is
anybody whom you knew, please leave a comment with that name. Please state that
you miss him or her and let us all know that they are remembered.
Army Capt. Christopher Scott Seifert, 27, of Easton, Pa.;
assigned to the 1st Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort
Campbell, Ky.; killed in a grenade attack near the Iraq-Kuwait border.
Army Spc. Donald S. Oaks Jr., 20, of Erie, Pa.; assigned to the C Battery,
3rd Battalion, 13th Field Artillery Regiment (Multiple Launch Rocket System),
Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in action in Iraq.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Randall S. Rehn, 36, of Longmont, Colo.; assigned to the C
Battery, 3rd Battalion, 13th Field Artillery Regiment (Multiple Launch Rocket
System), Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in action in Iraq.
Army Sgt. Todd J. Robbins, 33, of Pentwater, Mich.; assigned to the C
Battery, 3rd Battalion, 13th Field Artillery Regiment (Multiple Launch Rocket
System), Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in action in Iraq.
Army Pvt. 2 Jason L. Deibler, 20, of Coeburn, Va.; assigned to 1st Battalion,
6th Infantry Regiment, Smith Barracks, Baumholder, Germany; killed in Kuwait by
a non-combat weapon discharge.
Army Lt. Col. Dominic R. Baragona, 42, of Niles, Ohio; assigned to 19th
Maintenance Battalion, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in a vehicle accident in Iraq.
Army Master Sgt. William L. Payne, 46, of Otsego, Mich.; assigned to 2nd
Battalion, 70th Armor Regiment, Fort Riley, Kan.; killed in an accidental
ordnance explosion in Haswah, Iraq.
Army Spc. Jose Amancio Perez III, 22, of San Diego, Texas; assigned to 6th
Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed May 28 when
the convoy he was traveling in was ambushed in Taji, Iraq.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Gladimir Philippe,
37, of Linden, N.J.; assigned to Battery B, 3rd Battalion, 18th Field Artillery
Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in action in Iraq sometime between June 25
and June 28.
..Army Pfc. Kevin C. Ott, 27, of
Columbus, Ohio; assigned to Battery B, 3rd Battalion, 18th Field Artillery
Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed in action in Iraq sometime between June 25
and June 28.
Army Staff Sgt. Richard S. Eaton Jr., 37, of Guilford,
Conn.; assigned to the 323rd Military Intelligence Battalion, Army Reserve,
based at Fort Meade, Md.; died Aug. 12 in Ramadi, Iraq. A fellow soldier tried
to wake Eaton and noticed he was not breathing.
Army Sgt. Gregory A. Belanger, 24, of Narragansett, R.I.; assigned to
Headquarters and Headquarters Service Company, 325th Military Intelligence
Battalion, Army Reserve, based at Ayer, Mass.; killed Aug. 27 when an
improvised explosive device struck his vehicle in Hallia, Iraq.
Army Spc. Rafael L. Navea, 34, of Pittsburgh, Pa.; assigned to C Battery,
2nd Battalion, 5th Field Artillery Regiment, based at Fort Sill, Okla.; killed
Aug. 27 when an improvised explosive device struck his vehicle in Fallujah,
Iraq.
Army Pfc. Christopher A. Sisson, 20, of Oak Park, Ill.; assigned to the 3rd
Battalion, 325th Parachute Infantry Regiment, Fort Bragg, N.C.; died Sept. 2 in
Baghdad, Iraq. Sisson was in a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter participating in an
air assault mission. The helicopter flipped and crashed on take off.
Army Master Sgt. Kevin N. Morehead, 33, of Little Rock, Ark.; assigned to 3rd
Battalion, 5th Special Forces Group, Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed Sept. 12 in
Ramadi, Iraq, when his unit executed a raid on enemy forces.
Army Staff Sgt. Kevin C. Kimmerly, 31, of North Creek, N.Y.; assigned to B
Battery, 4th Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, based in Baumholder,
Germany; killed while on patrol when his vehicle was hit by a rocket-propelled
grenade Sept. 15 in Baghdad.
Army Sgt. David T. Friedrich, 26, of Hammond, N.Y.; assigned to B Company,
325th Military Intelligence Battalion, U.S. Army Reserve, Waterbury, Conn.;
killed Sept. 20 in a mortar attack in Abu Ghraib, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Christopher W. Swisher, 26, of Lincoln,
Neb.; assigned to 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Polk, La.; killed Oct. 9
in Baghdad when his patrolling unit was ambushed by individuals using
small-arms fire and rocket-propelled grenades.
Army Pfc. Stephen E. Wyatt, 19,
of Kilgore, Texas; assigned to C Battery, 1st Battalion, 17th Field Artillery
Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed while riding in a convoy that was hit by an
improvised explosive device and small-arms fire Oct. 13 in Balad, Iraq.
Army Spc. Steven D. Conover, 21, of Wilmington, Ohio; assigned to 2nd
Battalion, 5th Field Artillery Regiment, based in Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov.
2 in an attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Pfc. Anthony D. D’Agostino, 20, of Waterbury, Conn.;
assigned to the 16th Signal Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas; killed Nov. 2 in an
attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Spc. Darius T. Jennings, 22, of Cordova, S.C.;
assigned to 2nd Squadron, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson, Colo.;
killed Nov. 2 in an attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Pfc. Karina S. Lau, 20, of Livingston, Calif.;
assigned to the 16th Signal Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas; killed Nov. 2 in an
attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Keelan L. Moss, 23, of Houston; assigned to 2nd Battalion, 5th
Field Artillery Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov. 2 in an attack on a
CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Ross A. Pennanen, 36, of Shawnee, Okla.; assigned to 2nd
Battalion, 5th Field Artillery Regiment, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov. 2 in an
attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Paul A. Velazquez, 29, of San Diego; assigned to III Corps
Artillery at Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov. 2 in an attack on a CH-47 Chinook
helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Spc. Frances M. Vega, 20, of Fort Buchanan, Puerto
Rico; assigned to the 151st Adjutant General Postal Detachment Fort Hood, Texas; killed Nov. 2 in an attack
on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Joe N. Wilson, 30, of Crystal Springs, Miss.; assigned to
Alpha Battery, 2nd Battalion, 5th Field Artillery Regiment, 3rd Corps
Artillery, Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov. 2 in an attack on a CH-47 Chinook
helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Joel Perez, 25, of Rio Grande, Puerto Rico; assigned to 2nd
Battalion, 5th Field Artillery Regiment, based in Fort Sill, Okla.; killed Nov.
2 in an attack on a CH-47 Chinook helicopter near Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Spc. James R. Wolf, 21, of Scottsbluff, Neb.; assigned to
Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 52nd Engineer Battalion, based in Fort
Carson, Colo.; killed Nov. 6 when an improvised explosive device was detonated
as his convoy passed by in Mosul, Iraq. *This hero was a friend of a friend. I
never met him but he left a huge imprint upon the life of somebody who, in turn, left a huge imprint upon mine.
Army Command Sgt. Maj. Eric F. Cooke, 43, of Scottsdale,
Ariz.; assigned to 1st Brigade, 1st Armored Division, based in Ray Barracks,
Friedberg, Germany; killed while in a vehicle that was struck by an improvised
explosive device Dec. 24 in Baghdad.
Army Staff Sgt. Michael J. Sutter, 28, of Tinley Park, Ill.; assigned to the 745th
Ordnance Company, 79th Ordnance Battalion, Army National Guard, based in
Grayling, Mich.; killed Dec. 26 by an improvised explosive device that
detonated while he was trying to disarm it in Baqubah, Iraq.
Army Master Sgt. Kelly L. Hornbeck, 36, of Fort Worth, Texas; assigned to Company
C, 3rd Battalion, 10th Special Forces Group, based at Fort Carson, Colo.; died
of combat wounds Jan. 18 at 28th Combat Support Hospital (CSH), Iraq. Hornbeck
sustained his injuries Jan. 16 when an improvised explosive device hit his
vehicle south of Samarra, Iraq. He was initially evacuated to the 21st CSH, and
then moved to the 28th CSH for further treatment.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Richard S. Gottfried, 42, of Lake Ozark,
Mo.; assigned to the 1st Division Support Command, 1st Infantry Division,
Kitzengen, Germany; killed March 9 when his Humvee was hit by an improvised
explosive device in Tampa, Iraq.
Army Pfc. Christopher E. Hudson, 21, of Carmel, Ind.; assigned to the 2nd
Squadron, 12th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Hood, Texas; died March 21 when
his military vehicle was hit by an improvised explosive device in Baghdad.
Wisconcin Army National Guard Spc. Michelle M. Witmer, 20, of New Berlin,
Wis.; assigned to the Army National Guard’s 32nd Military Police Company,
Milwaukee, Wis.; killed April 9 during an attack by small-arms fire and an
improvised explosive device in Baghdad.
Army Spc. Adolfo C. Carballo, 20, of Houston; assigned to 1st Battalion, 21st
Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; killed April
10 when shrapnel struck him in Baghdad.
Marine Cpl. Daniel R. Amaya, 22, of Odessa, Texas;
assigned to 3rd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine
Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.; killed April 11 by hostile
gunfire in Anbar province, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Ryan M. Campbell, 25, of Kirksville, Mo.; assigned to 4th
Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Armored Division, Baumholder,
Germany; one of eight soldiers killed April 29 by a car bomb as his unit was
doing a dismounted improvised-explosive device-sweep in Baghdad.
Army Staff Sgt. Jeffrey F. Dayton, 27, of Caledonia, Miss.; assigned to 4th
Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Armored Division, Baumholder,
Germany; one of eight soldiers killed April 29 by a car bomb as his unit was
doing a dismounted improvised-explosive device-sweep in Baghdad.
Army Staff Sgt. Esau G. Patterson Jr., 25, of Ridgeland,
S.C.; assigned to 4th Battalion, 27th Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Armored
Division, Baumholder, Germany; one of eight soldiers killed April 29 by a car
bomb as his unit was doing a dismounted improvised-explosive device-sweep in
Baghdad.
Army Staff Sgt. Jeremy R. Horton, 24, of Erie, Pa.; assigned to Company B, 2nd Battalion,
6th Infantry Regiment, 1st Armored Division, Baumholder, Germany; killed May 21
by an improvised explosive device near Iskandariyah, Iraq.
Army Capt. Robert C. Scheetz Jr., 31, of Dothan, Ala.; assigned to the 1st
Battalion, 6th Infantry Regiment, Baumholder, Germany; killed May 30 when his
vehicle hit an improvised explosive device in Musayyib, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Gregory A. Belanger, 24, of Narragansett, R.I.; assigned to
Headquarters and Headquarters Service Company, 325th Military Intelligence
Battalion, Army Reserve, based at Ayer, Mass.; killed Aug. 27 when an
improvised explosive device struck his vehicle in Hallia, Iraq.
Army Spc. Don A. Clary, 21, of Troy, Kan.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 130th Field Artillery, Kansas Army National Guard, Horton, Kan.;
killed Nov. 8 when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near
his convoy in Baghdad. Also killed was Army Staff Sgt. Clinton L. Wisdom.
Army Staff Sgt. Clinton L. Wisdom, 39, of Atchison, Kan.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 130th Field Artillery, Kansas Army National Guard, Horton, Kan.;
killed Nov. 8 when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near
his convoy in aghdad. Also killed was Army Spc. Don A. Clary.
Marine Cpl. Peter J. Giannopoulos, 22, of Inverness,
Ill.; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 24th Marine Regiment, 4th Marine Division,
Marine Corps Reserve, Chicago; killed Nov. 11 by enemy action in Babil
province, Iraq.
Army Spc. Thomas K. Doerflinger, 20, of Silver Spring, Md.; assigned to 1st
Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker
Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Nov. 11 when his unit came
under small-arms fire while conducting combat operations in Mosul, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Joseph M. Nolan, 27, of Philadelphia; assigned to the 312th
Military Intelligence Battalion, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; killed
Nov. 18 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his up-armored
Humvee while his unit was on patrol in Fallujah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Cari Anne Gasiewicz, 28, of Depew, N.Y.; assigned to the 202nd
Military Intelligence Battalion, 513th Military Intelligence Brigade, Fort
Gordon, Ga.; killed Dec. 4 when two improvised explosive devices detonated near
her convoy in Baqubah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. David A. Mitts, 24, of Hammond, Ore.; assigned to the 3rd
Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker
Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Dec. 4 when his Stryker
military vehicle received enemy fire during convoy operations in Mosul, Iraq.
Also killed was Army Staff Sgt. Salamo J. Tuialuuluu.
Army Staff Sgt. Salamo J. Tuialuuluu, 23, of Pago Pago,
American Samoa; assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 1st
Brigade, 25th Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis,
Wash.; killed Dec. 4 when his Stryker military vehicle received enemy fire
during convoy operations in Mosul, Iraq. Also killed was Army Sgt. David A.
Mitts.
Army Staff Sgt. Kyle A. Eggers, 27, of Euless, Texas; assigned to the 1st
Battalion, 506th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, Camp Greaves, Korea;
killed Dec. 5 when his vehicle was struck by an improvised explosive device in
Habbaniyah, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Maj. Robert D. Odell, 38, of Manassas, Va.; assigned to Army
Intelligence & Security Command, Fort Belvoir, Va.; killed Dec. 21 when his
base dining facility was attacked in Mosul, Iraq.
Army Capt. William W. Jacobsen Jr., 31, of Charlotte,
N.C.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 24th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 25th
Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.; killed Dec.
21 when his base dining facility was attacked in Mosul, Iraq.
Army Spc. Dakotah L. Gooding, 21, of Des Moines, Iowa; ;
assigned to the 5th Squadron, 7th Cavalry, 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart,
Ga.; killed Feb. 13 when the vehicle in which he was riding overturned in
Balad, Iraq. Also killed were Sgt. Chad W. Lake and Sgt. Rene Knox Jr.
Army Sgt. Rene Knox Jr., 22, of New Orleans; ; assigned
to the 5th Squadron, 7th Cavalry, 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.;
killed Feb. 13 when the vehicle in which he was riding overturned in Balad,
Iraq. Also killed were Sgt. Chad W. Lake and Spc. Dakotah L. Gooding.
Army Sgt. Chad W. Lake, 26, of Ocala, Fla.; assigned to the 5th
Squadron, 7th Cavalry, 3d Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.; killed Feb. 13
when the vehicle in which he was riding overturned in Balad, Iraq. Also killed
were Sgt. Rene Knox Jr. and Spc. Dakotah L. Gooding.
Army Pfc. David J.Brangman, 20, of Lake Worth, Fla.;
assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort
Stewart, Ga.; killed Feb. 13 when a mortar round struck his vehicle in Samarra,
Iraq.
Army Spc. Carrie L. French, 19, of Caldwell, Idaho; assigned to the 145th
Support Battalion, Idaho Army National Guard, Boise, Idaho; attached to the
116th Brigade Combat Team; killed June 5 when an improvised explosive device
hit the front of her convoy vehicle and detonated in Kirkuk, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Jeremy A. Brown, 26, of Mabscott, W.Va.; assigned to the 66th
Military Intelligence Company, 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Carson,
Colo.; died July 3 in Mosul, Iraq, of injuries sustained earlier that day when
the Humvee in which he was riding accidentally rolled over in Tal Afar, Iraq.
Army Spc. Toccara R. Green, 23, of Rosedale, Md.; assigned to the 57th
Transportation Company, 548th Corps Support Battalion, Fort Drum, N.Y.; killed
Aug. 14 when multiple improvised explosive devices detonated near her unit
during convoy operations in Asad, Iraq.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Brandon K. Sneed,
33, of Norman, Okla.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment,
3rd Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.; killed Oct. 10 when an
improvised explosive device detonated near their M2A2 Bradley Fighting Vehicle
during combat operations in Ramadi, Iraq. Also killed was Sgt. Leon M. Johnson.
Army Staff Sgt. Christopher J. Vanderhorn, 37, of Tacoma,
Wash., assigned to the 1st Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade
Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed Jan. 1 when an
improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee during patrol operations
in As Sinia, Iraq.
Army Spc. Marlon A. Bustamante, 25, of Corona, N.Y.; assigned to the 1st
Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne
Division, Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed Feb. 1 when an improvised explosive device
detonated near his Humvee in Baghdad. Also killed were1st Lt. Garrison C. Avery
and Pfc. Caesar S. Viglienzone.
Army 1st Lt. Garrison C. Avery, 23, of Lincoln, Neb.;
assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat
Team, 101st Airborne Division, Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed Feb. 1 when an
improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee in Baghdad. Also killed
were Spc. Marlon A. Bustamante and Pfc. Caesar S. Viglienzone.
Army Sgt. Amanda N. Pinson, 21, of St. Louis, Mo.; assigned to the 101st
Military Intelligence Detachment, 501st Special Troops Battalion, 101st
Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed Mar. 16 when a
mortar round detonated in Tikrit, Iraq. Also killed was Spc. Carlos M.
Gonzalez.
Army Spc. Carlos M. Gonzalez, 22, of Middletown, N.Y.;
assigned to the 101st Military Intelligence Detachment, 501st Special Troops
Battalion, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.; killed
Mar. 16 when a mortar round detonated in Tikrit, Iraq. Also killed was Sgt.
Amanda N. Pinson.
Army Staff Sgt. Darrell P. Clay, 34, of Fayetteville, N.C.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 6th Infantry, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division,
Baumholder, Germany; killed April 1 when an improvised explosive device
detonated while he was conducting a dismounted patrol in Baghdad. Also killed
was Sgt. Israel Devora Garcia.
Army Sgt. Israel Devora Garcia, 23, of Clint, Texas;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 6th Infantry, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st
Armored Division, Baumholder, Germany; killed April 1 when an improvised
explosive device detonated while he was conducting a dismounted patrol in
Baghdad. Also killed was Staff Sgt. Darrell P. Clay.
Army Cpl. Jeremy R. Shank, 18, of Jackson, Mo.; assigned
to 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry
Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii;
died Sept. 6 in Balad, Iraq, of injuries sustained when he encountered enemy
forces using small-arms fire during a dismounted security patrol in Balad,
Iraq.
Army Sgt. John A. Carroll, 26, of Ponca City, Okla.;
assigned to 1st Battalion, 6th Infantry Regiment, 1st Armored Division,
Baumholder, Germany; died Sept. 6 of injuries sustained when he came in contact
with enemy forces using small-arms fire during a dismounted security patrol in
Ramadi, Iraq.
Army Sgt. Velton Locklear III, 29, of Lacey, Wash.;
assigned to 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry
Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii;
died Sept. 23 of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device
detonated near his Humvee during combat operations in Riyadh, Iraq. Also killed
was Pfc. Kenneth E. Kincaid IV.
Army Pfc. Kenneth E. Kincaid IV, 25, of Lilburn, Ga.;
assigned to 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry
Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii;
died Sept. 23 of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device
detonated near his Humvee during combat operations in Riyadh, Iraq. Also killed
was Sgt. Velton Locklear III.
Army Staff Sgt. Daniel Isshak, 25, of Alta Loma, Calif.;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th
Infantry, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii;
died Oct. 3 in Tikrit, Iraq, from injuries sustained when his vehicle received
enemy small arms fire during combat operations at Hawija, Iraq.
Army Capt. Shane T. Adcock, 27, of Mechanicsville, Va.;
assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 7th Field
Artillery, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii;
died Oct. 11 from injuries sustained from enemy grenade fire in Hawijah, Iraq.
Army 1st Lt. Joshua Deese, 25, of North Carolina;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 35th
Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks,
Hawaii; died in Balad, Iraq, Oct. 15 of injuries sustained when an improvised
explosive device detonated near his vehicle in Kirkuk, Iraq. Also killed was
Sgt. Jonathan E. Lootens.
Army Sgt. Jonathan E. Lootens, 25, of Lyons, N.Y.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; Oct. 15 of injuries sustained when an improvised
explosive device detonated near his vehicle in Kirkuk, Iraq. Also killed was
1st Lt. Joshua Deese.
Army Staff Sgt. Richwell A. Doria, 25, of San Diego, Calif.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 25th Infantry Regiment,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Nov. 7 after being struck by small arms fire
during an air assault mission in Kirkuk, Iraq.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Schuyler B. Haynes, 40, of Manhattan,
N.Y.; assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat
Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; died Nov. 15 of injuries
sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during
combat operations in Baquba. Also killed was Spc. Mitchel T. Mutz.
Army Sgt. Jesse J.J. Castro, 22, of Chalan Pago, Guam;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th
Infantry, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Dec. 6 of injuries sustained when an
improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle while on patrol in
Hawijah, Iraq. Also killed were: Cpl. Jason I. Huffman, Spc. Joshua B. Madden,
Spc. Yari Mokri and Pfc. Travis C. Krege.
Army Cpl. Jason I. Huffman, 23, of Conover, N.C.;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th
Infantry, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield
Barracks, Hawaii; died Dec. 6 of injuries sustained when an improvised
explosive device detonated near his vehicle while on patrol in Hawijah, Iraq.
Also killed were: Sgt. Jesse J.J. Castro, Spc. Joshua B. Madden, Spc. Yari
Mokri and Pfc. Travis C. Krege.
Army Spc. Joshua B. Madden, 21, of Sibley, La.; assigned
to the 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry, 3rd
Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks,
Hawaii; died Dec. 6 of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device
detonated near his vehicle while on patrol in Hawijah, Iraq. Also killed were:
Sgt. Jesse J.J. Castro, Cpl. Jason I. Huffman, Spc. Yari Mokri and Pfc. Travis
C. Krege.
Army Spc. Yari Mokri, 26, of Pflugerville, Texas; assigned to the 3rd
Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division; died Dec. 6 of injuries sustained when an improvised
explosive device detonated near his vehicle while on patrol in Hawijah, Iraq.
Also killed were: Sgt. Jesse J.J. Castro, Cpl. Jason I. Huffman, Spc. Joshua B.
Madden and Pfc. Travis C. Krege.
Army Pfc. Travis C. Krege, 24, of Cheektowaga, N.Y.;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th
Infantry, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Dec. 6 of injuries sustained when an
improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle while on patrol in
Hawijah, Iraq. Also killed were: Sgt. Jesse J.J. Castro, Cpl. Jason I. Huffman,
Spc. Joshua B. Madden and Spc. Yari Mokri.
Army Cpl. Victor M. Langarica, 29, of Decatur, Ga.; assigned to the 86th
Signal Battalion, Fort Huachuca, Ariz.; died in Baghdad on Jan. 20 when the
UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter he was in crashed. Also killed were Col. Brian D.
Allgood, Staff Sgt. Darryl D. Booker, Sgt. 1st Class John G. Brown, Lt. Col.
David C. Canegata, Command Sgt. Maj. Marilyn L. Gabbard, Command Sgt. Maj.
Roger W. Haller, Col. Paul M. Kelly, Staff Sgt. Floyd E. Lake, Capt. Sean E.
Lyerly, Maj. Michael V. Taylor and 1st Sgt. William T. Warren.
Army Sgt. Nicholas J. Lightner, 29, of Newport, Ore.; assigned to the 1st
Squadron, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division,
Fort Hood, Texas; died March 21 at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Washington,
D.C., of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his
unit while on combat patrol March 15 in Baghdad.
Army Spc. Curtis R. Spivey, 25, of Chula Vista, Calif.; assigned to the 1st
Squadron, 10th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry
Division, Fort Hood, Texas; died April 2 in San Diego of wounds sustained when
an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat
operations Sept. 16, 2006, in Baghdad.
Army Staff Sgt. Bradley D. King, 28, of Marion, Ind.;
assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 152nd Infantry Regiment, 76th Infantry Brigade,
Marion, Ind.; died April 2 in Amiriyah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an
improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat
operations.
Army Sgt. 1st Class Robert E. Dunham, 36, of Baltimore;
assigned to 1st Brigade Transition Team, and attached to the 4th Infantry
Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.; died May 24 in
Baghdad of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near
his vehicle. Also killed was Staff Sgt. Russell K. Shoemaker.
Army Staff Sgt. Russell K. Shoemaker, 31, of Sweet
Springs, Mo.; assigned to 1st Brigade Transition Team, and attached to the 4th
Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.; died May
24 in Baghdad of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated
near his vehicle. Also killed was Sgt. 1st Class Robert E. Dunham.
Army 1st Lt. Keith N. Heidtman, 24, of Norwich, Conn.;
assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 6th
Cavalry Regiment, 25th Combat Aviation Brigade, 25th Infantry Division,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died May 28 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, of wounds
sustained when his OH-58D Kiowa helicopter crashed after receiving heavy enemy
fire during combat operations. Also killed was Chief Warrant Officer 2 Theodore
U. Church.
Army Chief Warrant Officer 2 Theodore U. Church, 32, of
Ohio; assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 6th
Cavalry Regiment, 25th Combat Aviation Brigade, 25th Infantry Division,
Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died May 28 in Muqdadiyah, Iraq, of wounds
sustained when his OH-58D Kiowa helicopter crashed after receiving heavy enemy
fire during combat operations. Also killed was 1st Lt. Keith N. Heidtman.
Air Force Tech. Sgt. Ryan A. Balmer, 33, of Mishawaka, Ind.; assigned as special
agent to the Air Force Office of Special Investigations; died June 5 in Kirkuk,
Iraq, of wounds sustained when his vehicle was struck by an improvised
explosive device. Also killed was Staff Sgt. Matthew J. Kuglics.
Air Force Staff Sgt. Matthew J. Kuglics, 25, of North
Canton, Ohio; assigned as special agent to the Air Force Office of Special
Investigations; died June 5 in Kirkuk, Iraq, of wounds sustained when his
vehicle was struck by an improvised explosive device. Also killed was Tech.
Sgt. Ryan A. Balmer.
Army Sgt. Derek T. Roberts, 24, of Gold River, Calif.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Infantry Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died June 14 in Kirkuk, Iraq, of
wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle.
Also killed were Spc. Val J. Borm and Spc. Farid Elazzouzi.
Army Spc. Val J. Borm, 21, of Sidney, Neb.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Infantry Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died June 14 in Kirkuk, Iraq, of
wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his
vehicle. Also killed were Sgt. Derek T. Roberts and Spc. Farid Elazzouzi.
Army Pfc. Farid Elazzouzi, 26 of Paterson, N.J.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Infantry Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died June 14 in Kirkuk, Iraq, of
wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his
vehicle. Also killed were Sgt. Derek T. Roberts and Spc. Val J. Borm.
Army Spc. Josiah W. Hollopeter, 27, of San Diego;
assigned to 6th Squadron, 9th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st
Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas; died June 14 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds
sustained when his unit was attacked by insurgents using small-arms fire in
Muqdadiyah, Iraq.
Army Staff Sgt. Michael A. Bechert, 24, of New Castle,
Ind.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 18th Infantry Regiment, 2d Brigade Combat
Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany; died June 14 in San Antonio
of wounds suffered when his vehicle struck an improvised explosive device May
30 in Baghdad.
Army Sgt. Taurean T. Harris, 22, of Liberty, Miss.;
assigned to the 202nd Military Intelligence Battalion, 513th Military
Intelligence Brigade, Fort Gordon, Ga.; died Aug. 2 in Kala Gush, Afghanistan,
of wounds sustained from an improvised explosive device.
Army Capt. Derek A. Dobogai, 26, of Fond du Lac, Wis.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq,
of injuries sustained when his helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry
P. Tyler, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman, Spc.
Rickey L. Bell, Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, Sgt. Garrett I. McLead, Cpl. Jeremy
P. Bouffard, Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, Cpl. Nathan C.
Hubbard, Spc. Michael A. Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R.
Seideman.
Army Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, 25, of Poway, Calif.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq,
of injuries sustained when his helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry
P. Tyler, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman,
Rickey L. Bell, Capt. Derek A. Dobogai, Sgt. Garrett I. McLead, Cpl. Jeremy P.
Bouffard, Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, Cpl. Nathan C.
Hubbard, Spc. Michael A. Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R.
Seideman.
Army Sgt. Garrett I. McLead, 23, of Rockport, Texas; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq,
of injuries sustained when his helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry
P. Tyler, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman, Spc.
Rickey L. Bell, Capt. Derek A. Dobogai, Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, Cpl. Jeremy
P. Bouffard, Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, Cpl. Nathan C.
Hubbard, Spc. Michael A. Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R.
Seideman.
Army Cpl. Jeremy P. Bouffard, 21, of Middlefield, Mass.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq,
of injuries sustained when his helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry
P. Tyler, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman, Spc.
Rickey L. Bell, Capt. Derek A. Dobogai, Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, Sgt. Garrett
I. McLead, Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, Cpl. Nathan C.
Hubbard, Spc. Michael A. Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R.
Seideman.
Army Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, 25, of New Lenox, Ill.; assigned to the 2nd
Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th
Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq,
of injuries sustained when his helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry
P. Tyler, Chief Warrant Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman, Spc.
Rickey L. Bell, Capt. Derek A. Dobogai, Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, Sgt. Garrett
I. McLead, Cpl. Jeremy P. Bouffard, Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, Cpl. Nathan C.
Hubbard, Spc. Michael A. Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R. Seideman.
Army Cpl. Joshua S. Harmon, 20,
of Mentor, Ohio; assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, 3rd
Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks,
Hawaii; died Aug. 22 in Multaka, Iraq, of injuries sustained when his
helicopter crashed. Also killed were Capt. Corry P. Tyler, Chief Warrant
Officer 2 Paul J. Flynn, Sgt. Matthew L. Tallman, Spc. Rickey L. Bell, Capt. Derek
A. Dobogai, Staff Sgt. Jason L. Paton, Sgt. Garrett I. McLead, Cpl. Jeremy P.
Bouffard, Cpl. Phillip J. Brodnick, Cpl. Nathan C. Hubbard, Spc. Michael A.
Hook, Cpl. Jessy G. Pollard and Spc. Tyler R. Seideman.
Army Staff Sgt. John D. Linde, 30, of New York; assigned to the 1st Brigade
Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division
(Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.; died Nov. 5 in Tal Al-Dahab, Iraq, of wounds
sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee during
combat operations. Also killed were Staff Sgt. Carletta S. Davis, Sgt. Derek T.
Stenroos and Pfc. Adam J. Muller.
Army Sgt. Derek T. Stenroos, 24, of North Pole, Alaska;
assigned to the 1st Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team,
10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.; died Nov. 5 in Tal
Al-Dahab, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device
detonated near his Humvee during combat operations. Also killed were Staff Sgt.
Carletta S. Davis, Staff Sgt. John D. Linde and Pfc. Adam J. Muller.
Army Maj. Andrew J. Olmsted, 37, of Colorado Springs,
Colo.; assigned to the Military
Transition Team, 1st Brigade, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.; died
Jan. 3 in As Sadiyah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his
unit using small-arms fire during combat operations. Also killed was Capt.
Thomas J. Casey.
Army Staff Sgt. Keith M. Maupin, 24, of Batavia, Ohio; assigned to the 724th Transportation Company,
Bartonville, Ill.; the armed forces medical examiner confirmed March 29 that
human remains recovered in Iraq were those of Maupin, who had been listed as
missing-captured since April 16, 2004. Maupin’s convoy came under attack by
individuals using rocket-propelled grenades and small arms fire April 9, 2004.
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[23 May 2009 | Saturday] 20:06
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Category: Blogging
In my life I have come to find that dwelling in the past is counterproductive to living. If you find yourself there too much, you miss what is going on around you. You miss the important things happening now. There are no ordinary moments in life. Each moment contains something important, something precious, something magical. Dwelling in the past takes your attention away from the current moment and you miss all that wonder.
But the past teaches us. If we fail to recall the past and those important details within those past moments, we fail to retain what those moments taught us. As sentient beings, we humans cannot help but look to the past for clues. We hold onto little nuggets of our days gone by. Some of those nuggets are happy memories. Some of them are painful lessons. Some are just us attempting to hold onto things that are gone.
I look where I am today. I see the man that I have become. I like to consider myself to be a good person and a positive force in hte world. I am no hero nor am I a superman. But I like to think that I do my part. I seldom do things for selfish reasons. It seems that when I do, I end up losing something that I thought precious. It isn't any deity's way of punishing me. No, it is merely that I put my attention into something that, in retrospect, was not as important as something else.
But I have people in my life whom I treasure above eveything else. I am lucky in that way. Some of them I no longer have contact with. But I think of them from time to time, and am confident that they think of me as well. Others pop up once in a great while and let me know that I am in their thoughts. I feel blessed when that happens.
So, this blog is just a long statement of appreciation to each of those special people. Some of them know and understand. Others may not and may never know. I found long ago that it is far easier to just accept some things than to question in search of understanding. I hope they will just accept that I think they are special and magical people.
So here's my list of some of people I wish to thank just because they are in my life (and there are far more than I can name):
Kate (as in "Just Kate")
Spookee Price
Jaime Notine
Jason (my brother)
Bobbi (Jason's Wife)
Nolan and Mason
Anne Marie (my mother)
Greg (my father)
Jared Royka (shield brother)
Katy
Barbie and Jay Hart
Jennifer Ziembo
Craig Wilcox
Jessie Olson
Each has been there for me in good times and bad, in some way. I have done my best to be there for each of you. I have shared wonderful times with each of you. I have put most of you through hell at one time or another and you have stood by me. Thank you for being alive.
As I said, there are others. Some of them I have not communicated with in years. There are some who are actively in my life today. I'm sure that I overlooked so many people that somebody will feel offended. If I have, I apologize. Just leave a comment here and...
If any of those listed need an explanation, feel free to ask. I'm in a bit of a retrospective mood. Call this "Thanksgiving in May". Please let me know who you are thankful for having in your life. Reasons why are not necessary nor expected.
Thanks.
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[09 May 2009 | Saturday] 20:51
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Category: Blogging
Just Kate posted a 4-essay-question survey as a sort of interview. Of course, an interview requires a dialogue. That is part of its definition. Otherwise it is one-way communication and just a bunch of essay questions.
So, go ahead, ask away. Ask for clarification. Ask a new question. Just know that there are some questions I cannot and will not answer. Trust that I have pretty damned good reasons behind why.
1. Most of us feel misunderstood on some level. What part of you do you most want people to understand and SEE?
I am probably more misunderstood and misinterpreted than most people because of my seemingly simple yet overly complex nature. I am a multi-faceted diamond. At first glance, I'm just a shiny pretty thing. Yet, when inspected, I have so many reflective and prismatic surfaces that not even the light radiating from me is a continuous color or pattern.
Honestly, I don't care too much what people see in or of me. I used to. I grew up and found that I will be myself, regardless. People will see me and make their own opinions and assessments, regardless. Many of them are wrong. And I am constantly growing and changing, as all things are. So, what somebody saw five minutes ago is not what I am now.
However, the basic things that I hope I display are that I am hard working and that I care deeply about life and freedom. I seldom put myself first, but I do not feel guilty about the rare occassions when I do.
As for understanding, I long gave up trying to be understood and decided to settle for being accepted as just being who I am. To hell with categories and pidgeon holes. I am me, pure and simple. I am nothing more. However, I am nothing less.
Oh, and I have pretty eyes.
2. Have you ever felt truly understood by anyone? If so, who? If not, why do you think that is?
No, I have not. I used to crave to be understood by at least my parents. I gave up and realized that it is far more than enough to be accepted and loved as who I am. I don't understand how a Rolex watch works, but I accept that they are beautiful, accurate, and wonderful.
In recent years, I have grown even closer to my father. Honestly, I believe that it is a product of both of us being war veterans. Once you have been to war and all that entails, you can recognize something in others who have also been. A form of understanding and recognition just "magically" happens. So, in many ways, my father understands me better than most people could ever hope to.
Conversely, my brother has insights of me that have amazed me. He gets things about me that nobody else does. They are by no means anywhere close to a complete picture. But those glimpses are amazing. Once, he described me as "comfortable". I had him explain it. He said that I am the one person he knows that is most comfortable just being who he is. Nothing really ever takes me out of my comfort zone. I know my limits (though I test them continuously). I know my strengths. I know my weaknesses. I know my abilites and my faults. I don't pretend to be anything that I am not. I also don't really display all that I am.
There was one young lady I was once engaged to. She "got me" more than anybody else ever had (at the time). Partially, this goes bak to the whole war veteran with PTSD bonding thing. But there were other things, intimate things. She knew and understood aspects of me that my father and brother could never know. She was the last person I cried in front of. To this day, I can freely admit that I love her and all that she is. But, as I said, she understood aspects of me that nobody else ever even saw. Some of the very things that drew us together were the things that made it impossible for us to be together, if that makes sense.
So, there are three people who understand parts of me; big parts of me. But I'm not sure that I 100% understand myself. I look back at who I was last week. I am pretty sure I understand him. But I am no longer him and he is not yet me. I accept that I am dynamic, ever-changing, ever-growing. Understanding no longer matters. It is a fruitless and frustrating task that taxes my soul.
And I just proved that I really am hard to understand. Accept it. You'll be happier and like me more. Or not.
3. Do you follow the rules or break them? Do you play it safe or take risks? Explain.
If the spirit of the rule makes sense and doesn't infringe on my liberty, I tend to follow the spirit of the rule. If the rule is tyranical, I break it. Sometimes I even openly defy it. I judge for myself. I like to believe that G-d gave me a brain for a reason, so I tend to use it and make up my own mind.
Can we just say that I follow my own moral and ethical codes? If the "rules" happen to fall in line, that's great.
As far as playing it safe, let me remind people what I do for a living (at least in the generic sense). I am a career soldier. I am a non-commissioned officer in the US Army. What does that say about "playing it safe"?
My job is hazardous. Life is hazardous to begin with. That is part of the fun. Risk is inherent to all courses of action. It is unavoidable. You cannot eliminate risk. The closest you can come is to live in a padded room and have a small circle of trusted individuals come and take care of you. But there are risks involved in that as well. People will betray you. People will let you down. People can be lazy or just plain exhausted. So, you take a risk in that small circle of caretakers. The other risk is that you will miss out on all the important things in life, like living it.
With my job and all of its risks, however, I do my best to mitigate risk as much as possible. I take calculated risks. I wear my seatbelts and gunners' restraint. I wear my helmet. I wear my body armor. I check my weapons to make sure they are working properly. That means I make sure they will fire when I want them to, and won't when I do not. I make sure I have all the escape and evasion plans committed to memory. I keep constant communications with my team and with other US elements in our area. I have people on stand-by to rescue us. So, yes I take a lot of risks. But I do so as safely as possible.
And as I said, if you risk nothing, you gain nothing but lose EVERYTHING!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm rapelling with 550 cord into the Tigris River off of a damaged bridge at midnight. A couple of guys on my team thought it'd be a fun way to spend an evening. Wanna join us?
4.
I believe in living in the moment, but I also think it's good to have a
plan, a general direction. Where do you hope to be in five years time?
You really can live only in the moment. If you dwell in the past, you miss the moment. If you sit pie-eyed on the future, you not only miss the moment, but you miss the chance to form that future.
In five years, I have no idea where I will be. I hope to be in Arizona, but the job I want to have doesn't exist there. So I will be elsewhere if I get that job. I have many options available to me. I plan on taking the one that looks the best and is as close to what I want at the time. But I WILL be retired from active duty by then.
I know where I will not be. I will not be a soldier in Iraq.
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[15 Apr 2009 | Wednesday] 20:23
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Current mood: deployed
Category: Blogging
Every day before we go out into sector, my team gathers around and prays a quick prayer. The Sergeant who leads the prayer is of one Christian sect. Our team is comprised of multiple religions and sects, to include agnostics. Sometimes our interpreters join us. They are a blend of Muslims and Yzidis. We all join together, regardless of individual beliefs. As he says his words aloud for all, I internally intone my own prayer:
"Lord and Father, please protect and guide us as we go forth to bring peace to this troubled land. Be at our side as we need you. Let your angels protect us from harm. Let the atrocities of this war pass over us and never harden our hearts to your good works. Let us go forth in your name and your glory. Amen"
The other day, while we were doing routine maintenance on our vehicles, a large truck-bomb detonated less than a kilometer away. It detonated not far from where our Iraqi National Police unit is headquartered. Five US soldiers were killed instantly. The blast toppled the barracks and office building of the National Police unit headquartered next to our unit. Most of the NPs were killed or injured.
We rested in the motor pool, climbing to the tops of our vehicles, looking to the direction of the blast. We thought the worst. Luckily, it wasn't our unit that was hit. On any other day, that could have been us heading into sector.
We finished our maintenance and loaded up. We headed out to assist in the recovery and to render medical assistance. We also went out to be with our grieving counterparts who had just watched friends, family, coworkers, and "brothers" get blown apart by a terrorist's suicide bomb.
For those not of the same faith, Passover started at sundown the 8th of April, Jerusalem time. Passover is a celebration of the Israelite's freedom from Egyptian slavery and the 40 year trek to the promised land. It begins with the 7 plagues of Egypt. The last plague came from Pharaoh's own lips, the death of the first-born son of each family. It came in the form of a plague that struck quickly and quietly. In order to save the families of the Israelites from incurring the same fate (including first-born son, Moses), the Israelites marked their doors with lambs' blood.
G-d passed-over the houses of the Israelites on that historic night. G-d passed over my team and our counterpart unit the other morning. But fate still received payment. Five US soldiers died, two others seriously injured. We were not really spared. We the living must suffer the pains of losing those we loved. Our brothers who died went quickly.
I fight to not let my heart harden more than necessary. As a soldier and a spiritual man, I know that to every thing there is a season, a time. There is a time to sow, and a time to reap. There is a time to fight and a time to extend a hand in peace. There is a time to dance and a time to morn. There is a time to laugh and a time to weep. My time to weep hasn't come yet. I don't have the time for it. I don't have the privacy or space for it. That doesn't change the fact that my, our, heart(s) are heavy.
So, we pray that this madness will soon pass. We pray that the sadness will fade. We pray that wrath passes over us, before us, but not through us. We pray for peace and we pray for freedom. We pray that it is worth the price.
So, tell me about your near misses. Tell me about when your g-d or g-ds let tragedy pass over, before, around, but not through you. Tell us how you felt, how you handled it.
I have spent the last couple of days praying for the families of the fallen (to include their brothers and sisters-in-arms). I have also been giving praise and thanks to g-d for his greatest gifts: life, love, and free will.
What do you pray for?
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[12 Apr 2009 | Sunday] 20:23
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Current mood: deployed
Category: Blogging
I just finished chatting with a friend. At the end of the conversation, she asked me for a favor "when [I] had time away from saving the world". Trust me, I'm no hero. I am nothing like Siegel and Shuster's boy in blue. I don't even come close to being like Bob Kane's black-clad knight. I am not out saving the world, per se. I am just doing my duty, doing what needs to be done. I'm just doing what I think is right within the boundaries of what my country asks of me. I'm just a man doing his job and trying to make things a little better in the process. Isn't that what everybody is doing: trying to make their corner of the universe a little better?
Along with a few other thoughts to cross my war-scrambled brains, this urged me to blog about heroes in the world today. I composed a blog a couple of years ago about "everyday heroes". Unfortunately, that profile was lost and that blog along with it.
When I was growing up, it seemed as though I had heroes all around me. There were the comic book superheroes teaching us to stand up for right and good. There were historical heroes to learn from (Like Jefferson and Lincoln). I had Neil Armstrong walk on the moon in my life. He was a sort of a hero. There were the rescue workers who pulled a little boy out of a well. There were sports heroes who not only performed athletics but seemed to live life with grace and honor.
Today, it seems like most athletes are more interested in a paycheck than making a difference in little Johnny Anybody's life. Joe Namath visited sick kids. Michael Vick runs illicit gambling involving killing animals. How things have changed!
I was never an avid comic book reader. But I like Batman. He had style. I liked Spidey for his wit (and the redhead). Superman was never a favorite. But in the early 90s when Superman 75 was released, I mourned Supes' death. To quote Batman's reaction: "We didn't always agree on methods, but he was the best of us and the world will never be the same without him". Now, I am an avid fan of "Smallville". It is nice to see that Clark is not so perfect. But it is even better to watch him struggle to not abuse his power. It is not his faults that make him a fictional hero, but what he succeeds in despite them.
So, Superman is dead (let's not dwell on the whole "return" storyline... it was lame). Football heroes are getting in gangland shootouts. Presidents are dipping their cigars in interns. Governors are selling Senate seats. Priests are raping children. Where are our heroes now when we need them? Who are they? What makes a hero? Heck, even today's superheroes like those on the TV series "Heroes" lack the role-model of hope and virtue aspect. At the end of "Chapter 3" I couldn't tell the good guys from the bad guys anymore. They all seemed like a bunch of super-powered screw-ups who wanted to dominate or destroy the world rather than make it a better place.
A hero serves, protects, and saves.
A hero sets an example of virtue and values. He/She takes a stand and acts upon it. Somebody with a pro-life sticker on their car is not a hero. They are not doing anything for their cause. (I'm pro-choice, BTW). The lunatic who bombs a planned parenthood clinic is not a hero either. Sure, he acted. But how is killing and destroying a good example for the cause? Maybe the best example is the pro-life counselor that works at that clinic, giving people options such as adoption, etc; leaving the choice to the potential parents. That is acting. That is taking an active stance on a set of values and doing so in a positive way.
A hero is humble. (I guess that leaves out WWE wrestlers, pro-basketball players, etc).
A hero thinks of others above him/herself.
A hero leaves a place better than he/she found it, strives to make a difference.
A hero acts while others pay lip service.
A hero appears bigger-than-life to his/her admirers.
Now for the important aspects of a hero:
A hero inspires! A hero sets that example and leaves others striving to live up to it. A hero is a role model. A hero is somebody that most people look up to and aspire to be more like.
A hero brings hope. I mean real hope, not empty presidential campaign rhetoric, but real, tangible, noticeable hope. Though being that role model, and that inspiration, others follow the example. When that happens, real growth takes place. (The difference between growth and change is that change always happens -- and it can be for the worse -- growth is ALWAYS progress!) The world becomes a better place. This causes things to go from one person doing all he/she can to many doing, acting, making real growth.
A hero acts because things need to be done. Accomplishment is the only reward, not money, not fame, not adoration.
So where are our heroes today? Who fills these requirements?
I wrote of everyday heroes in an old blog. There are heroes out there, in aspect. There are rescue workers. There are police and firemen. There are service members. There are parents who adopt "special needs" children and love them unconditionally (though sometimes seemingly unrequited). The single parent who works long hours but still manages to help Johnny and Janey with their homework is a hero (or should be) to those kids. "Everyday Heroes" are all around us.
What I am searching for is today's larger than life hero. I am looking for our MLK. I am looking for our SGT York. I am looking for our Emelia Earnhardt. How about our Gus Grisolm? What about Superman for today, even? Who do our kids have to look up to? With today's media, the small-town hero doesn't cut it. Our attention span has dwindled. If we cannot download it in seconds, we lose interest. We need that individual who can rise above. We need the one that doesn't crave attention and exposure yet appears ubiquitous. Where/who is he/she? Looking at the world today, we could use one. Is it you?
So, I'm keeping my eyes open and my ear to the ground. When this era's hero finally emerges, I want to be among the first to thank him/her.
Who were your childhood heroes? How did they inspire you to become who you are today? What are you doing to inspire the children of today to make a better tomorrow? Who do you think today's children's heroes are or will be?
Could one of them be you?
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[28 Mar 2009 | Saturday] 20:23
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Current mood: deployed
Category: Blogging
Through the virtue of my profession I have experienced a myriad of cultures and witnessed the full spectrum of living conditions. I have seen everything from desolate squalor to decadent affluence. I have walked through shanty slums and palatial mansions. I have seen grown men defecate in buckets and children wash their butts in gold plated bidets. None of it prepared me for what I witnessed this past week.
Our mission brought us to one particular neighborhood of this city. We walked up and down the streets, block by block, over multiple days. A full array of living conditions met us as we walked each block. There were houses with marble carports and indoor plumbing. Corner stores bustled with a steady stream of customers purchasing everything from soft drinks and candy to diapers to vegetables.
This is my forth tour in Iraq. Over the past several years I have watched the improving quality of life and infrastructure. Under Saddam, many towns didn't even have basic electricity and waste disposal. Many towns acquired water from a system of canals that Saddam would periodically shut down from Baghdad in order to oppress the people and force their dependence upon the government for basic needs. Now, most towns are connected to water treatment plants and have running water. Most towns get at least a few hours of electricity a day. The major cities, in general, fare far better.
In one section of the neighborhood, the streets were clear of trash. Another section's streets were lined with garbage. We must have been there on trash collection day because dump trucks drove up and workers used shovels to pick up the trash. I guess they have not yet progressed to outdoor garbage cans.
One morning, a short two or three blocks away from the very clean and seemingly more affluent portion of the neighborhood, we were greeted by some of the most horrendous living conditions I have seen in this country, ever. The streets were covered in what, at first, appeared to be mud. The mud was black, almost as though it were imbued with oil. The stench was noxious. Water flowed everywhere. Trash abounded.
Not only were these streets covered in this "mud", but the edges of them were lined with garden hoses. These hoses ran from the houses, down the streets, and through vacant lots, for three or four blocks to the water mains. Of course, the hoses leaked, helping to create that constant muddy consistency on the streets (that were actually paved underneath). There was no sewer system. The water ran into vacant lots and into septic pits. Each house had at least one septic pit. They were usually hand-dug and were, at most, four feet deep. Due to mineral rights laws in Iraq, four feet is the maximum depth people are allowed to dig. Some of the septic pits were on the owners' property. In some cases, though, the pits were dug into vacant lots. Usually three to four families had pits in these lots. They are the same lots the garden hoses run through. This produces a runoff of "black water". "Black water" is sewer water containing human waste. The "gray water" produced from bathing and cleaning is just dumped into the street. In case you haven't yet guessed, I spent that day walking around in human waste, not mud.
The electric system for this sub-section of the neighborhood consisted of thin wires about the diameter of speaker wire running to the main electrical junctions in the same portion of the neighborhood as the water mains. These wires snap and break in a moderate wind. They are suspended on flimsy aluminum poles that can barely support their weight. Some of them appeared to be slowly buckling and bending under the loads they held.
One family had two structures on their small lot. One structure was about ten feet by ten feet and served as sleeping quarters for this family of six. It was also their dining room and entertainment room. The second structure, slightly smaller than the first, had two rooms. One was the kitchen. The other was both a Turkish toilet and a shower. The over-sized drain in the floor served as the toilet. To flush the toilet, one turned on the overhead shower. The same shower head was used to bathe. Their septic pit was overflowing. So the family was moving their chicken pen over it and digging a new one where the coop had been. Ironically, the children were very clean.
In fact, despite the squalor, all the children were clean and appeared happy. They were not malnourished, since most families had self-sustaining gardens, goats, chickens, and even some cows. At one house, a few boys ran up to be greeted by a stern mother. She grabbed them by the scruffs of their necks and ushered them into their house. An interpreter told me that she was scolding them for being dirty in front of guests.
This mission reminded me of something important. Even our homeless and unemployed in the states have it good. They have little to complain about. We really do live in the best country in the world. Our homeless have shelters they could sleep in, even if they are overcrowded. There are many charities to provide them food. The education opportunities are out there for them if they desired to seek them. So are employment opportunities if they'd be willing to work in a fast food establishment or join the military. In fact, some of them should join up, come over here, and see how good they had it.
Still, those capable of lending a helping hand should consider doing so. I do not advocate forced charity. I find it appalling that my hard earned money goes to taxes that are used to feed the lazy. On the other hand, I do support charitable donations and work. So, if you find your work hours shortened due to the recession, why not spend them working at a food kitchen? Or better yet, if you find yourself unemployed, join the peace corps, the Army or the Marines and really give yourself over to a greater cause?
Oh, thanks to our work in that neighborhood, infrastructure improvements are now in the planning. Before long, well, at least the kids won't be playing soccer in a vacant lot filled with human waste. And now, thanks to your reading this blog, maybe you now have a glimpse at just how good you have it.
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[09 Mar 2009 | Monday] 19:49
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Current mood:deployed
Category: Blogging
Regular readers know that it is rare that I do any form of a political blog unless it is a civics lesson around the time of a federal holiday. Today, you are in for a bit of a treat. I am warning you that this may be hard to swallow for some.
First, let me start with a complicated premise: The war in Iraq is NOT about oil. Now, allow me to contradict it. The flow of oil in Iraq is vital to the world economy. It is vital to the US economy. It is a matter of life and death for Iraq. So, as much as the war is NOT about oil, the war is ALL about oil.
Many liberal pundits have seen me contradict their claims that the war was initiated for some secret point of greed to tap into larger oil reserves and line the pockets of US oil companies and automakers. I still hold to that very fact. We did not overthrow Saddam to get at the oil under Iraq's sand. We didn't. Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is basis for that assumption other than some peyote and opium induced conspiracy theories. The failing US automakers and the latest corporate bailouts are proof of that. We, the US, did not profit from Iraqi oil.
However, the oil is vital to the world economy. It is. Iraq doesn't have the largest of oil reserves under its dunes and marshes. But it does have a fair piece. Saddam nationalized the oil industry back in the 70s when OPEC formed. The ale of oil funded the Iran-Iraq war. It funded the atrocities on the Kurds. It funded the persecution of the Shi'ia. When we led the UN to impose a worldwide embargo on Iraqi oil, we cut of the infrastructure and social welfare programs that took care of the people. Saddam and his inner circle still managed to smuggle oil out to various countries and continue getting rich. He used the embargo to further separate those of the Ba'ath party from those who weren't, and oppress them. His tyrannical ways went from bad to worse.
Now, the flow of oil and other goods out of Iraq and other countries of the region dates back to the Ottoman Empire, overthrown in WWI. The reserves were controlled by the UK after WWII. The oil had to flow. The influence of the Ottoman Empire had to be ousted. Later, the influence of the Nazis needed to be routed. But it wasn't. The Nazi influence held in Syria, home of the Ba'ath Party, the party of Saddam, the Arab World's Nazi Party.
In that essence, our ousting of Saddam was just a continuation of our fight against National Socialism that began in WWI and continued through WWII and the Cold War. (Oh yes... the Communist Party of the USSR was just another incarnation of a National Socialist party. You can argue that they fought against Hitler. True. But they didn't fight against the ideals of genocide as we did. They fought out of national interests and a greedy desire to control the world as Hitler wanted to). If you look back, the USSR backed Saddam in the Iran-Iraq war. Why? Oil was one reason. A kinship to National Socialism (the Ba'ath Party) was the second. They felt an alliance of National Socialist nations would be mutually beneficial. So, in the 70s, the Arabic Hitler rose to power. He had to go. That was the reason for the war.
Those of you who are fans of Frank Herbert's Dune series can, no doubt, see the similarities between Iraq/Iran and the planet Arrakis. The language used in the series is a mixture of Arabic and Farsii (along with some invented language). The Emperor and his Sardakar were an amalgamation of the Ottoman Empire and the Nazis. Paul Attredis was akin to T.E. Lawrence. Both united the tribes to overthrow Nazi-like invaders and impose a UK-style system over the tribes of the region. Heck, Iraq and its neighboring countries had their borders established by the UK. If tribal and ethnic boundaries had been used, instead, the borders would be vastly different.
In Lawrence's time, much like today, water is life. It is that simple. The same was true in Herbert's books. Water is the currency of the people. Yet it is the spice, the oil and the opium, that the world craves to control. If the oil doesn't flow, the rest of the empire and the rest of the galaxy (Earth) cannot operate.
Well, we want Iraq to take control of her own interests so that US forces can go home. The nice, high oil prices we had last year meant that Iraq could afford to do so, on its own dime, and maybe even start to pay us back. However, with oil now a lot less per barrel, that national budget looks more grim. So, the less we pay for oil, the less Iraq can afford for us to leave. The solution? Iraq needs to privatize its oil and learn to start taxing things. I would suggest the Fair Tax rather than a corrupt system such as ours. The current trend of our own economy and governmental interference is NOT an example to follow. Heck, Iraq has social health care. It is pitiful. It isn't because their doctors aren't well educated. Many of them are Harvard graduates. It is because health care is paid for and controlled by the government. That will be our fate if we socialize medicine.
The spice can also be akin to opium in Afghanistan. We destroy poppy fields in order to limit the illicit trade of opium as heroin and other illegal drugs. But the opium of Afghanistan is also used in the production of morphine, codeine, and other medicinal narcotics used to manage pain and save lives, legally. Afghanistan is the world's primary provider of the legal opiates. For the health of the world, the spice must flow, but its flow must be controlled and use kept "legal".
Other similarities between Herbert's universe and the Middle East abound. The religious aspects between the rise of Islam from Zoroastrianism, Gnosticism and Yzidiism through prophets such as Issa AKA Joshua ben Joseph AKA Paul Attredis and Muhammad AKA Leto II Atredis and Sha'i Halu'ud (AKA Allah), the bringer of water and life (and spice AKA oil). abound. Heck, Paul and Leto both had their Feddaykin. "Feddaykin" were the loyal holy fighters that served as a Praetorian Guard and special force for Paul and Leto. The leaders in the Middle East, especially Iraq and Persia/Iran have their Fedayeen (the loyal). One of our greatest foes in the early days of the Iraqi Insurrection after the main war were the Fedayeen Saddam.
I wonder how Herbert's series would have ended had he lived to see modern times and the states of Iran, Iraq, Syria, Kuwait and Yemen today. Wopould he have seen us as another Emperor and his Saardekaar come to impose Caesar's Dominion over the region, or would we be another wave of Attredis come to liberate the land, the water, and the flow of spice ... err... oil.
On the subject of my current tour, I am still trying to get to my duty location. I at a midway waypoint on my trek up. My training is complete, now I am just trying to get where I can do my job and complete my mission. My mission is to train the Iraqi Forces and advise them so they can take over full sovereignty of their country. I do so to help establish a vital ally in the region and the world. We can always use friends, and I anxiously await my opportunity to make friends within the Iraqi ranks.
To those back home, I send all my love and all the promise I can muster that I will be successful. I pray that I return safe and victorious from this, my hopefully last, deployment. It has been one hell of a ride, let me tell you. I have seen this country from its last days under Saddam to today. They have improved greatly. The infrastructure has blossomed. They have internet. Most towns have electricity on most days, though some of them still only get it about 12 hours a day. Attacks are down. People appear much happier and friendlier.
Somebody gave a statement to the Stars and Stripes paper the other day that supported President Obama's announcement that we can have most major formations out of Iraq by August 2010. I agree. They have come along so far in the last couple of years. That is a reasonable goal. We have worked hard to get them there. Our citizens should be proud of this, proud of the work we have done, proud of our success. On the flip side, they should not just applaud our success, but allow us to stay here until we are sure we have achieved it for the long haul. I'd hate to have my nephews back here in another decade or two to fight another war. I'd rather we all come here on a vacation to see the ancient biblical holy sights and maybe ride the roller coaster at the theme park in Da'huq.
My grandfather lived to hear me tell him of the development of Alexanderplatz in Berlin after teh cold war. He lived to see the Germany he fought in to become a great place to vacation. I'd like to live to see Iraq be that for my nephews and grandchildren.
But, dear citizens, for that to happen, I must admit and agree that the spi..err..oil must flow.
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[18 Feb 2009 | Wednesday] 20:24
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Category: Blogging
My brother introduced me to the movies of Kevin Smith. He spoke ad nausea about this great movie called "Clerks", badgering me to see it. It was on his gift wish-list for over a year. When I saw a copy of it for sale, I purchased two, keeping one for myself to see what the fuss was all about.
Years later, my brother and I get into a debate over which of Smith's movies is his best. "Dogma" gets kudos for the brass balls Kevin had to satire organized Christianity, especially the Catholic Church. Heck, he still gets death threats over the movie. But the debate always comes down to a draw between "Clerks", his first, and "Chasing Amy".
These days, with all that is going on in my life, I find myself reflecting on certain things. Among them are my past relationships. I don't dwell on the past. But I do ascribe to the fact that we must learn from our pasts, our foibles, our mistakes. This brings me back to a rather deep, insightful bit of dialogue that Kevin Smith wrote and uttered as his character "Silent Bob", in "Chasing Amy".
Silent Bob relates a tale of a woman he fell completely in love with. He didn't realize how special the woman was and how precious the love he had, and lost, was. He reveals the title of the movie by stating that, ever since he lost that girl, he's been "Chasing Amy"; the one who got away.
I have had many failed relationships. I think that if I were to take all of them and produce a book of don't-s that I would have a great "how not to" bestseller. I learned a lot from each of them.
Here are some of the things I learned:
1. Never Trust A Stripper!!! (even an ex one)
2. If she'll be clingy to me after 3 dates, she'll be clingy to the first thing with a penis that turns the corner while I'm away.
3. If asking doesn't work and begging doesn't work, drop it... bullying or bartering just cause trouble.
4. ALWAYS let her know that you don't think you are better than her...
5. Be myself.
6. Dispel rumors and illusions, quickly.
7. Honesty, honesty, honesty.
8. If the fun times start being infrequent and the not-so-fun times become more frequent... it's time to talk (or time for a night out).
9. If she starts making it seem like money is very important... the relationship is all about money, and not worth your time.
10. You need things in common, but you need to be polar opposites on some things. It gives you something to talk about... .
11. Laughter will go father than roses.
I can go on and on. However, this enumeration gets away from the tale of my own pursuit of "Amy".
I've been lucky enough to have two "Amy"s; and stupid enough to lose both of them. Well, I really didn't lose them. You see, that is my first point. Those great loves are always in your life. You always remember them, usually very fondly. They always have a special place in your heart. The love never dies, even if the relationship does. So, you really don't "lose" anybody. In some of our cases, we may either drive them away or run from them, screaming. However, we don't "lose" them. The relationships end, change, or grow. That's it. It really is that simple. So, it really is better to have "loved and lost"; because you still have that love. The love is not in the past. It is in the always. It is just the relationship that is in the past. So LOVE.
My second "Amy" was J. J is now married and very happy. We recently began emailing each other back and forth. I have come to think of J more as a sister, now. But I still look back at our prior love affair. Now, in retrospect, I figured out my mistakes. I made the mistake of making it more important for me to be the best boyfriend/fiancee/lover/partner that I could be than to actually listen to what she wanted/needed. I tried too hard to anticipate what she wanted and not enough attention to what she told me she needed. I wouldn't say that I loved her too much. I would say that I tried to prove my love to her too much rather than just loving her.
Before J, there was K. K entered my life at a time I was rather confused. I had just returned from war and my emotions were scattered. She helped me sift through them. She brought enough of me back home that I was able to recognize the difference between love and hate again. I fell deeply in love with K. My biggest mistake with K was that I didn't express to her enough how much I loved her. I thought she knew. I thought it was obvious. I thought I showed it. But, I failed to show it at the one time she needed me to most. The last I heard was that she was planning a wedding as well. I was invited. I was in Iraq (tour #3). I haven't heard from her since.
So, with J, I went the exact opposite as I had with K. They are two very different women, different people. What works with one does not work with EVERYONE.
Life is short. It is a journey through space and time. You can only go forward. If you visit the same place later on, it isn't the same place anymore. Time changes things, places, people. People grow. But love remains, always.
So, to all the guys out there, let me leave you with one piece of advice: LOVE HER. Show her. Tell her. Let her tell you how best to do that. Never regret loving. Those moments of happiness and bliss last forever. After all, aren't they what we live for?
So, anybody else out there chasing an "Amy" or an "Adam"? What have your learned? What's your story?
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Postscript: I am compelled to add a note to this so that people do not get the wrong ideas. By alluding to my own pursuit of "Amy", I do not mean that I am still holding a desire or longing for either K or J. I have regular contact with J these days. Our relationship has changed and we have become friends. We are both very much happier that way. I have been wondering what K is up to these days. She and I have been close friends since the day we met. That has been the one constant in our relationship despite all the changes and growth it has gone through since. Our contact is like working fast food. There are dry spells with limited to no contact with intermittent periods of constant contact. I do still love both of them very much. I also love the relationships I have with each, as they are and as whatever they will be.
My pursuit of "Amy" is meant as a metaphor for my own openness to a relationship where I be the partner I am capable of being for that unfortunate woman who decides to be with me, whenever that time may come. I'm in no rush... I'm just ready for it. I'm not running after it.
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[07 Feb 2009 | Saturday] 20:16
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Category: Blogging
First, a note on the title. Who are my clients? Well, every American tax payer is a client of mine. You are who I work for, who I protect, who I fight for. Of course, since I said "tax payer", you can exclude those leeches who do not pay taxes, but suck off the hard work of others. I refer to not only the "welfare moms" but also to the wealthy who think they are above the system. I can name three in particular. Caroline Kennedy who owes a few thousand in unpaid back taxes. Tom Daschel, the democratic party leader and long time senator who owes over $128k in unpaid taxes (plus an additional $11k in interest). Oh, and let us not forget the democrat tax and spend Nazi who was to be appointed as the Secretary of the Treasury... another advocate of a tax and spend economy who thinks the middle class should pay more taxes while he thinks himself exempt. I do not work for them. I work for those who actually PAY my salary.
I just wanted to let everybody know that I have arrived in Kuwait. The place hasn't changed too much, despite the "makeover" the new Sergeant Major is attempting. He's trying to impose a "combat mentality" on the pogues stationed here. I suppose that is a good thing. But he is also trying to make it more like a US-based garrison location with a bunch of personal pet-peeve standards that will all fly out the window once most of the people here get to Iraq.
There are two problems with the attmept to impose a combat mentality down here. The soldiers and sailors stationed down here may actually start thinking that Kuwait is Iraq. They may get all paranoid. To top it off, they will actually think they earned the combat patch they will receive for never going into combat. It really is not fair to the soldiers, sailors, marines and airhose that do go to Iraq and Afghanistan. Heck, up there, we make fun of those who never leave the wire. And they are in a much more hostile area than the REMFs in Kuwait.
Well, everybody has a job to do. Everybody has a mission. Everybody has a place in this world. Look where you are now, and do what you have to do. Enjoy it. Take it at face value. Then move on towards that next moment. Remember, no job is too small. No task is insignificant. There are no ordinary moments, only ordinary frames of mind.
Health and Happiness to all. This is "Don't Mind Me", somewhere in Kuwait (preparing to head up to Iraq), signing out.
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[24 Jan 2009 | Saturday] 05:14
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Current mood:Alive and Kicking
Category: Blogging
I have worked rather hard and long to develop a happy life. I am happy. What I am not is content. I seldom have been. There is always something missing. There is always something I can do better. There is always something more I can do that I have not done before. But, looking back, I have lived a pretty good life. I have done things most people would never get the chance to do. Still, there is something missing.
I have usually been seen as the "strong one". I have many times been categorized as "the dependable one". Others have always sought to count on me and I do my damnedest to not let myself or others down. I keep promises. I stick to my word. I seldom lie (and if I do, there is a damned good reason for it).
Many of you have noticed that I changed my status back to "single" a couple of months ago. A few months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. The reason are not all that important. Basically, I found that I was not able to fully trust and become truly intimate with her. The relationship was not reciprocal.
I learned many years ago that my life and happiness are not dependent upon who I am in a relationship with or shacked up with. I am comfortable enough on my own. In fact, looking back at most of my relationships over the past few years; I really didn't have one. I was the strength, the rock, the foundation. I was all I really needed and I supplied enough for both of us.
The thing that I miss, being single, is something that I have missed for a long time. I miss an intimate relationship with somebody I trust implicitly. I came close to that, once, a few years ago. That relationship ended. But it was wonderful while it lasted. Now, she is a wonderful wife to a man far more deserving than I. I am happy and successful. They are happy and doing well. The world is as it should be.
However, I am not a very trusting person. I have been through a lot in my life. Most of it is difficult to identify with for those who have not been through similar. I give tentative and conditional trust to people and wait for them to blow it. I forgive those transgressions fairly easily. But I seldom open up and fully trust anybody. I am guarded. I am the "strong one" and the "dependable one" in the relationship. I am the shoulder that is cried upon. I am the motivating voice and the cheering section. I'm the source of compassion, the one who is needed. I am far from perfect. There are times my focus is needed elsewhere, on other tasks, etc. I know I cannot be everything to everybody, and I don't try. I don't apologize, either. "Sorry, I'm not Superman" should not need to be uttered. I do my best and give my all. In the end, that is all that can really be expected of anybody. In the end, it is I to whom I must be accountable for only I know if I really did all I could.
So, what is missing?
I have gone through a lot in the past 20 years. In the past seven, I have witnessed or played party to things that would emotionally scar most people for eternity. I am not proud of them nor would I wish to repeat them. However, I do not regret them and would have done the same, even with that good ol' 20/20 hindsight. These things can weigh heavy upon a soul. They are my burdens to carry and I do so willingly.
What I miss is having that trusting intimacy that would allow me to talk about these things with somebody who understands and accepts. What I miss is having that person who can just look at me at the end of the day and know I need a hug, whether I want it or not. What is missing is that lap to lay my head down upon. What are missing are those fingers caressing my hair. What is missing is the freedom to cry over what I've been through, let it go to be free of them, and have somebody gently kiss my brow and tell me that it's OK now. That it's over. That I'm loved. What is missing is that one person who truly loves me and accepts me as who I am, no matter what. What is missing is that one who can be my "strong one" and "dependable one" when I need her. I am usually all of that for myself. It would be nice to take a break once in a great while and have somebody be that for me.
It would be nice to come home at night and have that. I don't mean every day or even every week. But on those particularly hard days, it would be wonderful to come home and have that touch. I mean not only the physical contact, but that spiritual and emotional intimacy where somebody just knows, and reaches out. This is not a need, but a simple desire. My life will go on and I will be happy, regardless.
Well, nothing is perfect. Life without a challenge is boring.
So, those of you who have that, allow me to live vicariously through you. Share your tales of how you and your significant other are both there for each other, in those small ways. Those of you who seek the same, tell me of your search. Tell me the tales of how you came close to it.
And please, everybody keep in mind that we are all connected, in some way, to each other. Keep in mind (and remind me) that we all touch each others lives in some way. On most days, that subtle connection is all I need. It's called the human condition.
Postscript: I am far from depressed. You may say that I am a sort of lonely. That sort of lonely that comes along when one realizes that life is worth sharing. I described a desire, a fantasy. With my life and my profession, it is irresponsible and selfish to have a relationship with somebody and expect them to wait around patiently and dutifully while I trot around making the world a better place and our nation safe.
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