A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, 'You need a piece of tail.'

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"

"Yust a minute," said the busy clerk.

"Vell," said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus."

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.

"No," replied Lars.

"Vell, don't touch it den," Ole exclaimed, "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"

"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tips of your penises. All of you males, take off your dicks and hand it to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get you dicks back."

After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!"

Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window. "Sorry, no land yet."

"Shit!" and out went Mr. Rabbit. This went on every day until Mrs.Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. Why are you acting so excited every day?"

"Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!!"