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Frothy Afterbirth



Last Updated: 7/7/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Swinger
Age: 34
City: Everywhere and yet Nowhere
State: Washington
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/19/2007
August 28, 2006 - Monday 

Category: Blogging
If you found yourself running from...

...life's despair like self-deprecating on the woes of no love life or impotency.
...child support payments, especially if its not your biological own.
...paying alimony to your bitchy gold-digging bait and switch ex-wife.
...a gay neighbor always seen buying large phalic vegetables and has the hots for you.
...a disturbing confession from your girlfriend that she fantasizes about being forcibly taken, ie. raped (strong advice: don't even bother to change the door locks, just pack your things and move out immediately!)
...breaking the silence while drunk at the company Christmas party and slippng out that your boss is having an affair with his/her secretary. (ooh sorry, "assistant" to all ya politically correct asses)
...being caught masturbating by your parents.
...jumping out of the bathroom window after being caught masterbating on the toilet all because you didn't close the door or locked it at a friend's houseparty.
...peeping into your neighbors teenage daughter's bedroom window. (fuckin' pedo-pervs)
...getting caught having sex with your ass up in the air while a Girl Scout Brownie Troop looks on.
...waking up with a sore ass and jaw in a stranger's bed.
...walking by a hot guy only to have the silicone insert fall out of your bikini top.
...a visiting battle axe mother-in-law sleeping naked in your bed while you sleep on the couch.
...insulting an angry Italian, Turkish or Samoan family.
...being chased by a Chinese cook wielding a meat cleaver just after declaring to his patrons the food tastes and smells like garbage!
...the embarrassment of just finding out you have a red spot on your panties in the girls lockeroom.
...dating someone you thought was legal with all the paper work to show for, only to find out its fake and he/she's not even 15, or 14, or 13, or...
...being so obese that a horny bull elephant seal confuses you to be the opposite gender of his kind and chases you down the streets of Homer, Alaska.
...the IRS on back taxes that have not been paid from your massage parlor business.
...the sight of the mother of your child giving birth up close.
...being so horny and desperate that you got caught on camera stealing a box of saran wrap or latex gloves because you couldn't locate the aisle where the condoms are.
...a day at the beach wearing a thong bikini only to have a tampon string sticking out from your crotch.
...being caught in the middle of a large crowd of sweaty screaming clawing teenage groupies after a concert.
...the truth that you may not amount to anything in life.
...being caught having sex with a horse while a friend of yours video tapes it. (had to put the Enumclaw reference)
...rude collection agencies. (scum)
...the only chance of having a threesome with two hot chicks with the catch that you have to receive it from one of them wearing a big black strap-on. (watch 'Seeing Other People')
...a child molester posing as a Mormon or Jehovah Witness going door to door passing religious paraphernalia and speaking about Jesus.
...getting caught by partygoers snooping thru your bedroom and finding a clearly used blow up doll in the closet or even worst yet, a stack of video tapes of you and the doll performing sick action.
...seeing unshaved hippie chicks with underarm hair curled into bangs extruding from their armpits at any large public events.
...listening to advice and therapy gurus you see every night on informercials.
...looking at the mother of your extremely hot ass girlfriend on where her good genes came from then telling your girlfriend's father "Hey man, nice shot!"
...a really stupid mistake of telling your girlfriend's parents that she's a fantastic lay!
...being so stupid & wasted, that to stop a dog from humping your leg, you actually listened to the sage advice from your friends standing right by to drop on all fours and bend over. Of course the dog mounts and you start screaming "Get it off me! It hurts, it hurts!" (this shit's absolutely true from said sage advisors and no I wasn't the stupid fuck)
...wearing a Yankee's cap at a bar or at Fenway in Boston.
...being viciously verbally abused by crazed Philadelphia sports fans for wearing just about anything else but Philly sports wear.
...actually meeting the model you always fantasized about only to see trail marks on her arms, having the breath of a chimney stack, and the stench of tuna originating from her nether regions.
...just after walking into a Feminism Empowerment Forum at Dartmouth College and arguing with all the militant feminists that a woman's place should always be in the kitchen. (go ahead I dare you)
...insulting a drag queen by saying he/she (whatever) looks like Morley Shaffer (of 60 Minutes) on meth, dances like a 4 year old with tourettes, and sings with a mouth full of horse shit.
...pissing off a group of parents at a PTA meeting exclaiming they should choke and die on their kids' Ritalin meds.
...unemployed drunken German skinheads with nothing to do while visiting Berlin.
...being caught in the middle of a gun battle between gangs of Iranian drug smugglers and Filipino child sex brokers in southern Thailand.
...the RCMP after crashing thru the Canadian border carrying a load of porn mags. (the ones legal in the U.S. but not legal in Canada, go figure)
...the wrath of a chick's five older brothers after they just found out you banged her at a drunken orgy.
...your face and ass plastered nationwide night after night on a Girls Gone Wild commercial. (you've done your parents proud)
...a bunch of Duran Duran fans after jumping on top the roof of a car, unzipping your fly and pissing on them while dispensing a drunken diatribe on why they're all gay fucks and should be ganged raped and hacked to death by GWAR fans.
...finding out your grandparents currently own and run a swingers' club.
...taking the high road by actually trying to do good to real assholes only to have them spit right back in your face.
...getting caught with revenge in mind by dropping ping pong balls filled with Drano into the gas tank of your not so neighborly neighbor's car and watch it catch fire and explode. (don't even think about trying this you sick bastards, you'll might end up killing someone)
...well, from the runs itself.


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OK so many of the above examples are lame, but its what I could come up with at the top of my head. I'll think of 50 more later or can anyone come up with more captivating and frightning scenarios.

5:30 PM
 
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