So here we are, two weeks into our five-week European tour. We've already come so far and done so much we can't do it justice in a simple, mortal blog, but here goes: we started in Berlin, where we accidentally played to a neo-Nazi biker gang, then we wound through Europe, finding ourselves in the Italian wilderness, high in the Alps and sweltering at the far end of Portugal along the way. It's been very, very hot so far, but we're now entering a cooler, Northern European leg of the tour.
Here are a few sketches of shows we've done so far. We use the word 'sketches' to sound smart; they're actually paragraphs…

Rome: Big crowds, very aggressive to each other, but looking out for each other. They had running water back when we lived in caves, so it's understandable they'd have some complicated stuff to work out. Amazing gig.

Ljubljana: It turns out we're pretty popular in Slovenia. We were sort of terrified by the response of the crowd, who were crowd surfing people right over the bar at the back of the room during the show, and buying us tons of beer afterward. Soon we'll return there and overthrow the government.

Madrid: Small club but a totally insane audience here, easily one of the best shows of the tour. What else can you say?

Lisbon: Fuelled by the excellent Super Bock beer, the Portuguese went apeshit when we took to the stage. Plus, the city looks like something from Lord Of The Rings. We bought sunglasses, ate good food and spent a lot of time gasping at buildings.

Barcelona: We went night swimming after headlining a thrash festival in one of our favourite European cities. That was as cool as a diamond machine gun covered in Van Halen logos.

Bordeaux: People here really are mental. Joe had a microphone slammed into his face, Philly got a headbutt in the balls and Domo was stomped on in the insane moshpit that ensued.

Injuries incurred along the way:

Torn ankle tendon / concussion – Luke
Bruised ribs and knees – Philly
Blisters – Carlos from BBB
Flu – Domo, Alex
Mental atrophy – Everyone
Malnutrition – Everyone

Things we've learned:

Europeans are OBSESSED with eating disgusting, speckly ham
Showers cost a lot of money
Beer is good in Portugal, except for the 'dark' versions of each brand
The smell of 17 men is formidable
You should never wear fresh underwear on stage
Nazism is more popular than you'd expect in Europe
There are no CD / DVD shops in Spain, France or Italy
Wine is cheap
Everyone in Spain and Germany has a cool dog, but it is forbidden to pet them
France is quite nice
You shouldn't refer to Bilbao's audience as 'Spanish guys' on stage
Madrid has a lot of dog shit in it
Crisps come in limited varieties on the continent, but must be avoided at all costs
You can comb your hair with a fork

Alright, now shit off.

GAMA BOMB - Faster Is Gooder