-[disclaimer: I was gonna try to wait until I got photos from everyone and use them in this blog, but as usual everyone has to drag ass so the only real photos I have right now are some that Colte took and the professional photos from Return To The Pit.  If/when I get more photos, I'll update this blog appropriately]-..:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" />

Memphis

Much to our surprise, the Memphis show went better than we expected.  I think most of the people in attendance were a bit confused by EXACTLY VIOLENT STYLE, but I knew right away that I liked them alot and this was gonna be fun.  Surprisingly we made enough money from the door and cd sales to get to Chicago without having to dip into our own pocket which was a great way to start off the tour.  We left Memphis that night after the show to head for Illinois and got turned around about an hour into the fucking trip.  We drove all night/morning and everyone was already grumbling about how crappy and uncomfortable the cargo van was and I don't think anyone slept at all, but spirits lifted once we arrived in Illinois by 11:00 am.....

Yes 8 people, plus all our gear, traveled across the country in this fucking van

CHICAGO!!!

Pulling into Chicago was pretty much an instant culture shock to some of us I think.  Everyone walked around like robots and looked very "uptown" and pristine.  Lots of hot girls though!  I think it was my first time seeing smog that eveloped the tops of buildings. 

It took us 3 fucking hours to find the godamn club and when we finally found it (around 2 pm) we were told that we couldn't load in until 6:00 pm.  So we split up into groups and some wandered around the Hispanic/Latin side of Chicago, some sat in the van and goofed off while Shawn, myself and Akio (EVS drummer) laid down on the stage of the club and passed the fuck out.  Alex had some creep steal his weed off him outside a Walgreens and everyone thought it was hilarious but him.  Fast forward to 7:00 pm.....we met the promoters for the show: some ultra-pimpin metal duders known as "The Unholy Trio" and they gave us a schedule and told everything we needed to know.  Charles wandered off to sightsee and drink cheap beer.  The first band was unfortunately one of those melodic, emotional metalcore bands and I sat outside and got ripping drunk.  The next "band" was called SATAN'S SCROTUM and was actually one guy in a jumpsuit and a Frankenstein mask that made silly noises over a pre-recorded cd of music that ranged from rock to metal to booty-shakin rap to all out noise.  I found it entertaining to be honest. 

I should also mention that there were about 4 people in the club so I was rather down about the turnout.  The next band was DECRYPT, who seriously fucking destroyed.  Extremely tight, whacked-out and heavy death/grind with lots of gravity blasts and a vocalist that would knock the fuck out of anyone in his way.  In hindsight, they might have been the most intense band we played with on this tour. 

We were invited to crash at the Decrypt house in Indiana and were treated to home-cooked hamburgers, an endless flow of whiskey and lots of blairing grindcore on the stereo.  When the first thing I heard was Birdflesh, I felt right at home.  I crashed for no more than 45 minutes and it was already time to get up and hit the road again.....

CHAMBERSBURG, PA

Another 13-14 hour drive through endless corn fields and mountain areas that looked like werewolf sanctuaries.  Lots of houses with giant 5-pointed stars on them and surreal, secluded living areas.  After getting lost again, we found Red Diablos, which turned out to be a pool hall for teenagers and not a bar or club. 

There were already some metalcore bands playing when we arrived.  In fact, there were probably 8 bands on that bill and at least 5 of them were typical, flippy-haired screamo/metalcore psuedo-"grind" complete with the typical breakdowns and mosh parts.  By the time BTM was ready to go on, it after midnight and there were like 3 people there.  I had amp trouble and sounded like complete shit so I just tried to beat the shit out of the few people standing there, but of course they all ran away.  EVS had sound trouble (my fault) this night too and I feel bad but what can ya do..??  The promoter put us in a motel for the night, which was great, but once again we only got a little bit of sleep before it was time to pile back into the van and head to Connecticut

WALLINGFORD, CT

While pulling into a gas station just outside of New Jersey, a cop decided to pull us over and lay down the law on our po-dunk asses.  Since I was driving at the time, I recieved the honorary royal bitching about 8 people riding in a 2 passenger van.  Luckily Alex had walked into the store and was nowhere around during the search of the vehicle because he of course had a pocket full of weed.  We ended up getting out of that jam with only a warning and a bitching, but I was honestly fucking scared.  The cop was threatening to put everyone but 2 people on the side of the road, but luckily it was all just talk.  The Cherry Street Station was the name of the venue in Wallingford.  It was apparantly an old converted railraod station

As soon as I walked in I noticed there was no A/C, the doors had been ripped off and a killer grind band called Human Bone Bicycle Sciences Industries (HBBSI) was playing.  Fronted by a girl and armed with some kickass musicians, these dudes blew through 20 minutes worth of 6-second songs.  JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT!!!  We ended up making pals with these guys and discovered that they were playing with us the next night at the Boston Doom & Grind Fest, which we were all stoked about.  The last band was (once again) a local metalcore band but more in the vein of Suicide Silence and Job For A Cowboy.  After loading our van, me, Shawn and Craig from HBBSI went inside and kung-fu danced in front of them.  The band and their lame-o fans got pissed.  Boo-fucking-hoo.  We couldn't find a place to stay that night, but Aya (EVS bassist) said she had a credit card for emergency use so she paid for us all to stay in a nice hotel in Wallingford.  After jumping on the beds and getting showers, everyone tuckered out as we were fucking exhausted.  We actually got some sleep, but checkout time came way too soon.

BOSTON, MA

Everyone seemed a bit refreshed after some real sleep so we had a gay pillow fight and left the room in kind of a mess.  Charles' voice had completely given out and we were all rather concerned about playing the Doom & Grind Fest with Charles' throat on the fritz.  Boston was a quick 2-hour drive from CT which was a nice change.  Everyone was showing obvious signs of wear and tear from the road.  After loading into the venue, we had to pay $20 to park the van because it had to sit there past 9:00 or some shit I didn't fully understand.  I got our schedule for the show and we wasted some time at the Boston Beer Works.  Charles decides that he can't afford the beer in the Beer Works so he fills a backpack full of Busch and sits in an alley and gets completely tanked.  While we were waiting to play the show, Charles spoke to a woman in the crowd, attempting to ask her about the band that was playing (Total Fucking Destruction) and apparantly pissed her off cuz she told her boyfriend, Rich Hoak (Brutal Truth/TFD), that Charles "scared" her or some crap so Rich Hoak decided he hated us.  The last thing Charles said to me before we got onstage was "They're going to regret they asked us to come here" and he did his best to live up to his claim.  Lots of rants about how all the 'tough-guys' in the crowd were faggots, how Boston sucked and was full of gays, the venue was a shithole and most notably, how the Relapse Records booth in the back was the gayest thing he'd ever seen.  I believe I remember "HEY WAL-MART'S IN THE HOUSE!" and "LET'S GO SHOPPING!  WE'RE ALL CONSUMER SHEEP!"  as well as selling our own cd with "WE HAVE CD'S FOR A DOLLER.....RELAPSE HAS CD'S FOR A BILLION DOLLARS!"  After finishing our set we were informed that we were "outta here".  And with that, the fun in Boston ended.  We had no place to say in Boston, but after some work, we caught up with Jeremy from DESPOTIC ROBOT (who we played with in Memphis a month earlier) and he agreed to let us crash at his place.  By this time, I was adapting to sleeping on floors I think.  Got another hour or so of sleep and it was once again time to pack it up and move out.  Return To The Pit.com was present snapping tons of photos during out set.  click the link below to check'um out:

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE FULL PHOTO SET FROM THE BOSTON DOOM & GRIND FEST

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PHILADELPHIA, PA

Thankfully Philly wasn't a long drive either.  We got to the club really early and used the extra time to clean out the van and take a walk around town.  I unfortunately got caught in a serious rain storm and got soaking wet.  A really nice dude named Eli introduced himself to me and turns out he worked at Relapse and set up the show.  He had also already "heard about" us and said that Total Fucking Destruction might not be playing because Rich Hoak was apparantly furious with us and Charles in particular.  So we set up and do our set and EVS does their set.  The sound in The Millcreek Tavern was godamn incredible.  Mostly thanks to hired soundguy, Allen, who was supercool and very friendly.  While watching EVS that night I realised that they were probably one of the coolest fucking bands I’ve ever seen.  HEADFUCK GRIND!  I notice the TFD guys slowly making their way into the bar and I sense the wierdness immediately.  After TFD gets set up and are ready to start, Rich Hoak decides he's gonna start whining about "I dunno if I can do this" and "Maybe we should just breakdown and go home".  Then he grabs the mic and says "I AM DISGUSTED...AND INSULTED....THAT MY ART IS BEING MOCKED....AND MY SCENE IS BEING POLLUTED....BY TRASH LIKE THIS..." and he points at us.  Charles lets out a bellowing "WAH!" in a baby voice and Rich Hoak comes flying off the stage and gets in Charles' face and tells him what a piece of shit he is and basically says if he doesn't leave, Total Fucking Destruction will not play and the show is over.  Charles takes a drag of his cigarrette and says "ok.....I still like your band though." and leaves, to which Rich responds "I don't care".  TFD plays and afterwards Rich tells me that my band is misogynist, homophobic, 3rd-rate gore-grind crap and he is personally offended by our existance.  He also mentions that he doesn't care if Charles dies in a car wreck.  I respond with "ok Rich.  See you later." because you can't reason with a crybaby of that caliber.  I don't think I've ever seen such a display of whiney crypussy bullshit from a grindcore musician in my life. 

When all that fun was over, we opted to stay at the home of the soundman who worked the show.  I got what was probably the best sleep of the tour at this dude's pad.  Maybe 2 hours I think!  After getting everyone up and at'um, we headed to New York for the final show of the tour

BROOKLYN, NY

Were all pretty excited about the Brooklyn show because were playing with GHOUL!!!  If you dont know who GHOUL is..just fucking die already.  We met up with our contact, Mary and she informed us (yet again) that she had been warned about Burn The Masses, but she maintained a wonderful attitude, welcomed us into her home and was all around super-fucking-cool.  The load-in to the Venue (The Brooklyn Fireproof) fucking sucked because it was 2 flights of stairs in zig-zag formation and all our gear had to be manually hauled to the top.  We spent about 3 hours wandering around some unknown area of Brooklyn with THE DREAM IS DEAD, who you seriously need to check out right-the-fuck now!  These guys fucking rule and are the best combination of hardcore and metal I think I've ever heard!  Many props to them for their hardworking, DIY ethics too.  LISTEN TO THEM RIGHT NOW!!

We also ate at a very aggressive pizza joint that pissed me off.  If "authentic New York-style pizza" means getting yelled at and served a plate full of steaming vomit, then I dont understand what the big fucking whoop is about "authentic New York-style pizza"

Making our way back to The Fireproof, we discovered BTM was playing second on the bill and after a couple of beers the first band was already done.  Our set got a much better response than I anticipated and afterwards it was really cool hanging out and talking with the folks from Ghoul and Fuck The Facts.  The coolest surprise of the night for me was having my face wiped off my head by band called DEFEATIST.  HOLY FLESH PARADE ON CRACK! 

It was also my first time seeing FUCK THE FACTS live and I enjoyed it immensely.  98 percent of guys in metal bands only wish they could piss out the raw aggression that Mel from FTF does.  Something about watching a 100 lb. chick convulse around and bitchslap toughguy metalheads just makes me smile

GHOUL....my friends, GHOUL just fucking smoke.  One of the only metal bands I can think of that arent completely fucking gay and pretentious.  If you like their albums, you will fall hopelessly in love with them if you see them live. 

I got my ass stomped into the ground by some crazy ass Brooklyn moshers!!!  Shows like this are just further proof to me that Memphis is fucking lame.  People in Brooklyn know how to throw a godamn concert 

Soon, however, it was time to depart.  We decided to pass on Marys offer to stay at her place so we could get a head start on the drive home.  We dropped Koji, Akio and Aya off at the New York airport and started driving back to MS immediately.  After that all I really remember is waking up in some bookstore parking lot the next morning and being hung over and sore and wishing I could just teleport myself back to my house and not have to drive for 2 fucking days.  The ride home wasnt too terribly bad though and we pulled quite a few more shenanigans, but its all pretty irrelevant now in the grand scope of our adventure. 

Any of you that helped us get some sacred sleep or put some food in our bellies, we would like to sincerely thank you.

Extra special thanks to the following:

-Chris, Tony and everyone in DE-fucking-CRYPT

-The Unholy Trio in Chicago

-Eddie in Chambersburg

-Robbie, Craig and everyone in HBBSI

-Jeremy from Despotic Robot (we owe you big time, bro)

-Joe from Notcommon Records

-Eli in PA

-Allen in Philly (a million thanks for real)

-Mary from The Palindrome NY

-Clark, Dustin, Jared and Dave from The Dream Is Dead

-Steve, Mel and Fuck The Facts

and last but not least:  Koji, Aya and Akio from Exactly Violent Style

  Maybe well all run into each other again.  Cheers!

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 P.S: Exactly Violent Style have posted their own tour blog on their account and it's much more entertaining than this one, as it's written from their perspective. You can find it by CLICKING HERE