Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands.



When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she



was OK



Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. 'Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking,' she said in a clear voice strong.



'I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,' I explained to her.



'Have you ever looked at your hands,' she asked... 'I mean really looked at your hands?'



I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.



Grandma smiled and related this story:



'Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all



my life to reach out and grab and embrace life.



'They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor.



They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer. They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war.



'They have been dirty, scraped and raw , swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son. Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special.



They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse.



'They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.



They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw. And



to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.



'These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.



But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.'



I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home.



When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God.



I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthyfamily.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room.

Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, 'Things aren't always what they seem.'

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.

Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen?

The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused.

The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.

'Things aren't always what they seem,' the older angel replied.

When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.

Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good
fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it.' Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed,the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead.

Things aren't always what they seem.

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should.

If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage.

You just might not know it until some time later..

another year has passed. A second year without mom at christmas. How sad I am inside and how I miss her..My heart yearns to see her face and kiss her cheek. To hear her voice...My mom and my brother often would banter back and forth and my brother would torture her till he would get her going. My brother would often tease her. We all would be sitting in the kitchen and he would call her when she would go to the bathroom and she would answer and would always get no answer and we would all laugh and she would yell and finally figure it out..he did it everytime and she fell for it everytime..she would call him a bad name with a silly grin on her face. Laughter,and smiles surrounded her..She would often make everyone smile. I often remember visiting her. We would sit at her table and have a drink and talk about whatever was on our minds. I often thought how special she was and how she always had an ear to listen. How I miss those talks. I often think about when I would leave her. I would walk out the door and get in my car. I would look up and she would be looking out the window waving at me. She was so sick and I never wanted to leave her. The thoughts always stick in my mind even after all this time. Now its christmas and I look back on our times together. All the family getting together and celebrating the holiday and our love for each other. If I could change one thing it would be to capture every moment on video so nothing would ever be forgotten. I have so many memories of us and I never want to forget. Sometimes I am afraid I will..The little things..Our tea together, our lunches, her tellling me to call her when I get home, her smiles, her hugs, her pep talks, her tellling me I can do anything I want to do or be anything I want to be, Her blue sweater, her ponytail always loose and falling over her shoulder, doing her toenails, her special dinners she would make me even when she was so sick, the angel on her shoulder I gave her that she always wore, beeping her horn when she decided to drive around to everyones house and say hello, making candid apples on halloween, Her pretzels at christmas, bringing her flowers and seeing her face light up, so many more things that I remember. They pop in your mind when you least expect it. Her bright spirit..People seemed to flock around her but she only wanted her family around. She installed in all of us a sense of family and what was important. As I look back I feel so blessed to have known her and to have had her as my mom. God blessed me that day. She was my shining star and still is, always..So on this holiday I will remember you mom..All the memories, all the traditions, all the love you spread around for your whole family. I know in my heart she is near and will always be near. So..Merry Christmas Mom..I love you..I posted a couple of videos in honor of you...Till we meet again..spirit to spirit..

I sit here
In this prison
I call
my mind

I feel
crazy
alone
and afraid

What do I do
ignore it
give it
a name

am i alive
or dead
these worlds
are separate

the veil
so thin
our worlds
so close

I see
who I am
its
scarey

I don't
know
if I'm dead
or alive

I feel
so still inside
like
I'm waiting

can't move
this way
or that way
just stagnet

I ache all over
my legs
don't want
to move forward

wanting to
go forward
only able
to look backwards

clawing
at the walls
of my mind
trying to get out

who am I?
this shell
of a person
I used to be

wishing
hoping
I could be
that person again


theres nothing left
I see it all
who I am
and what I am

what I need
who I need
where i'm going
and who im going to be with

Secrets
that are hidden
are clear
to me

Does anyone
else
see
them?

secrets
of the universe
are not secret
anymore

whats left
if you
know the secrets
of the universe

God whispers
in my ear
whats important lisa?
figure it out

so I trek through
the darkness
and what do i see
myself

Looking
deeper
deeper
deeper

Till I see
this empty
person
standing alone

wanting
to be filled
instead of
empty

my breast
a part of me
since the day
I was born

Will they
take it
from
me?

I'm afraid
cancer
a dirty
word

sickens
my stomach
makes me want
to throwup

who I am
swirls around me
will I be the same
If they take it

Looking in the mirror
no breast
I can't imagine
seeing this

As a woman
formed by the thoughts
of what it means
to be a woman

Will you love me
care for me
see me
the same way now

How can
I see myself
the same
ever again

feeling helpless
knowing
there is nothing
I can do

So I wait
for the results
feeling
helpless

The fear
clawing
at
my mind..

Lisa

I awake
My heart beats
A lonely feeling
Of emptiness

The anniversary
Of your death
Approaches
Fast

Sorrow Remains
Deeply embetted
In the caverns
Of my heart

Memories
Florish
In the back
Of my mind

Of what
We were
Always
Together

Our laughter
Our Joy
Our pain
Our sorrow

Two hearts
Beat as one
Beginning
In your womb

A bond
Strengthened
By years
Of trust

Giving
Taking
Teaching
Learning

Becoming
Friends
Bond
Strong

From a child
Who knew nothing
To a woman
Who has grown

Loving arms
Holding me
When I'm up
When I'm down

Remembering you
At this time
Your warm smile
Your loving embrace

Wanting to
Speak
Wanting to
Hold you

Tell you
I love you
Forever and
ever

Shadows
Remain
Of you and
Me

Spirits
Collide
And are
As one

Your spirit
Is free
In the arms
Of the angels

I see you
I hear you
I smell you
I feel you

I know
You
Are
There

Till we meet
Again
My spirit
Your spirit

Two
Hearts
Blending
as one

Lisa

Sadly missed never forgotten..Mom 8/20/07

The Spirit



I look to my right
I look to my left
I look behind me
A whisper I hear

Chills
Run up my spine
I feel Cold
I feel you

Out of the corner
Of my eye
I see you
A shadow

You whisper
I listen
I can't hide
You need to speak

My head
Aches
As I listen
Quietly

Go to that place
Inside my head
Where it is
Forever still

You cry out
For help
A need
To be heard

I am here
A touch
A voice
Away

Please listen
Tell
The others
I'm here

Suddenly
I'm tired
Energy
Drained

Head
Aches
I know
I must stop

The message
Is revealed
Hope awaits
For the next person

Needing
To say
I love you
Forever

lisa

All To Be Revealed




Why does
Everything change
Each day
A new Heartache

Something new
Always happens
Not always good
Sometimes bad

It changes everything
It changes your life
It changes how we see
Everything

It opens your heart
more and more
It cuts you
Makes you bleed

You look at the world
And ask
Why am I here
What is the purpose

Without Change
Without heartache
Without Pain
Who would we be?

Empty shells
In a vast sea
Forever rolling
Into nothingness

Learning to love
To care
To open up
Our hearts

One day
We will see
Who we are
Very clearly

The blinders
Will come slowly off
We will realize
Why this happened

All the answers
We seek
Will slowly come to mind
We will see the truth

So I look to the Heavens
For the sky to open up
When God brings me home
For all to be revealed

lisa

" THE PENGUIN WHO WANTED TO FLY "
(A touching story...)

The Antarctic wind's icy fingers stroked the egg beneath a warm underbelly. Fine fractures appeared, and soon became cracks in the mottled egg's shell.



After struggling for a while, the chick pushed her dark grey head through the membrane, blinked a couple of times and croaked, "Mama?"

The downy underbelly moved, and raised itself, allowing a gust of frigid air to envelope the emerging chick. A huge yellow iris appeared from above and focused on the chick.





"Hello dear! It's Mama!"

So the parent child relationship began…

A few days after Penny freed herself from her capsule, she was allowed to peek at the world around her. The first thing she saw, as she peered out from under the cosy 'roof' into the steel grey sky, was an albatross. Its huge wings lifted it on unseen cushions of air.



It was so beautiful and graceful!

"Mama?"

"Yes dear?"

"Will I look like that, when I'm big?" asked Penny.





"Why no, Penny! You're a penguin!" chuckled Penny's mother.





A little confused, Penny asked, "What's a penguin?"

"You'll see!" replied her Mama.





More and more Penny was left exposed to drizzle, sleet, snow and freezing winds, as her mother went in search of pilchards and squid. Penny stared in horror as terns and gulls attacked the grey downy chicks around her. She ducked on several occasions as the enemy swooped down to prey on the helpless offspring that dotted the landscape.





Penny's yellow eyes always widened and stared, distracted, at the gliding albatross that soared overhead.





"I wish I could fly like that! I don't want to be a stubby, waddling penguin with funny wings. I want to be an albatross!" Penny dreamed.





Penny whined, and moaned to her mother every day, "I want to fly! It's not fair - look at me - I want to be an albatross! I want to fly!"

Mama always smiled sadly, and patiently encouraged the young chick, "You're the most beautiful penguin in the whole world. You are special, and unique! Learn to love who you are, not what you're not.



"

After 6 weeks, Penny, who was now a young adult, stood in front of her mother. She was beautiful! She has sleek, black feathers, which reflected a rainbow of colours in the weak Antarctic sunshine.





"Oh my!" exclaimed Mama, "You've grown into the most beautiful penguin in the colony! I have never seen something so exquisite!"

Penny dropped her head ashamedly, and mumbled, "I'm not an albatross, and I'll never fly".





Penny's mother got cross and retorted, "I agree that you are not an albatross.



You'll never be an albatross! You can be the best, the most beautiful penguin though! Follow me…"

So, Penny waddled after her Mama sheepishly until they got to the rocky sea shore. She bounded, and hopped, and stumbled her way over to the water, as it ebbed and flowed.





Mama turned to Penny and commanded, "Fly!"

Penny looked at her mother, then the sky, then at her wings, which she sort of waved half-heartedly.





Mama pushed her in, and Penny screamed in terror, "Mama! I am all wet, and I told you I couldn't fly!"

"Please trust me! Come…!', implored Mama as she disappeared beneath the wavelets.





Penny was afraid, yet a she felt her heart being lured beneath the water.





She took a deep breath, plunged beneath the surface…

…and flew !

You are wonderfully and fearfully created in the Lord's image! You a beautiful jewel created by the Hand of God.



When you look into the mirror, look carefully, because you will see the fingerprints of God all over you! He created you, to be beautiful! You are beautiful! If you have doubts about yourself, remember the Penguin who wanted to fly…

A beautiful friend of mine sent me this letter...She is an inspiration to many..Hopefully what she says here will help anyone who needs encouragement. Love you Jesse..:)



The Oak and the Woodcutters


THE WOODCUTTER cut down a Mountain Oak and split it in pieces,making wedges of its own branches for dividing the trunk. The Oak said with a sigh, "I do not care about the blows of the axe aimed at my roots, but I do grieve at being torn in pieces by these wedges made from my own branches."

Misfortunes springing from ourselves are the hardest to bear.
In other words, whatever pains, or experiences, or situations we go through....we have caused it to ourselves in some form or another.

We as human beings are in a constant state of creating. Each thought that we think is put forth out into the universe, the source, the ultimate oneness, God, Energy. And like a boomerang, He returns those thoughts and allows them to manifest into our lives. Sometimes we get to thinking a certain way or get into a routine.

For example: Sally wakes up every morning at the same time to get ready for work or to start her day. Sometimes she wakes up and knocks down the alarm clock thus not wanting to get up and start her day. She gets up, puts on her slippers and heads down the hall towards the bathroom but before she gets there, still not fully awake, she runs right into the table in the hallway and knocks over a flower pot. It lands on her toe. She curses at the pot and kicks it, hurting her toe yet again and this time breaking the pot. Frustrated she heads into the bathroom and changes into her suit which was layed out and hung up the night before, and goes to brush her teeth. Subconsciously still frustated from running into the pot and hurting her toe, she pushes a little too hard on the toothpaste and it squirts onto her suit. Now mentally saying to herself "great...I'm going to have a bad day." She's setting herself up for the rest of her day to be just as bad as her morning. She ends up burning her toast, running late to work, getting stuck in traffic, and while rushing to get inside the office, tripping and falling causing her to sprain her ankle.
What could have happened...or should have happened....Sally gets up, sits up in bed for a few moments allowing herself to fully become awake, mentally say to herself, "This is going to be a wonderful day", takes her time getting to the bathroom, patiently awaiting for her breakfast and for traffic, and happily heading off to work.

It's not so easy you say? Yes it is. It's easier than you think. It's just your mind has been programmed for many years to think a certain way. Trying to be positive is a hard thing to do when you find yourself in certain situations. But letting go and letting God as the saying goes is the way to go. In other words, wake up every morning saying to yourself that you are going to have a great day (even if you don't truly believe it at first, eventually your mind will re-program itself and you WILL start having great days), then always practice patience. Patience is key to living life and attaining a better understanding of our purpose here on this earth. Patience is what we all need to learn to have. Practice patience by meditating, by spending quality time with yourself...whether it be out in nature, alone with a good book, or taking a nice long bath. Whatever it may be, take time with yourself....practice patience...and practice positive thinking.
Get up and look in the mirror tomorrow and say to yourself...Why do I need to feel the pain I am going through? I don't NEED it! I don't want it...and I will go throughout the day today feeling great and wonderful because I deserve to feel great and wonderful. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself and that you are going to have a fantastic day. Say it to yourself at least three times each morning...do it everyday for about a week, and tell me a week from now, how you feel. If anythings improved.

Assignment: Every single time you look in a mirror...every morning...every day, every night....say to yourself
"I love you" and mean it. At first it will be hard to...and deep down you might not feel like you mean it...but try to the best of your ability to do so. Again, eventually your mind which is alot like a computer, will RE-program itself into thinking, "well yes, I'm not so bad after all."
Also say to yourself anything else positive that you can think of. "I am feeling better and better with each passing moment." "I am ready and willing to change my life for the better." "I no longer need this pain, this suffering." "I am happy and I am healthy." "I am a wonderful person and I will have a wonderful day because I deserve it."

I say unto you....say these things...practice meditation...spend time with yourself and practice patience.
With these tools, you will begin to build, mold, and shape your life into the life that you want...the life that you dream of having...the life of happiness and good health.

You deserve it...You CAN make it happen...You WILL see a change...

Love and Light,
Jesse


"When you surrender to what is
and so become fully present,
the past ceases to have any power.
The realm of Being, which had been
obscurred by the mind, then opens up.
Suddenly, a great stillness arises
within you, an unfathomable sense
of peace.
And within that peace, there is great
joy. And within that joy, there is love.
And at the innnermost core, there is
the sacred, the immeasurable,
That which cannot be named."