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Dernière mise à jour : 3/01/2010

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Statut : Célibataire
Ville : Los Angeles
Région : California
Pays: US
Date d’inscription :: 8/12/2003

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Nothing is worth more than this day.

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mardi, novembre 17, 2009 

Dane Cook: ISolated INcident DVD

Own the DVD Today
8:00  
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mercredi, juin 24, 2009 
So my final 3 shows of the ISolated INcident Global Thermo Comedy Tour are taking place THIS WEEK!
COLUMBIA, SC
ATLANTA, GA
ORLANDO, FL!!!
LINKS for these tickets are above my TOP 30 FRIENDS. Yes tickets are still available for $30 just pull down the tab on the ticketmaster page. Sometimes they hide the $30 ones -- I'm lookin' out 4 yaaaa I WANT YOU at the showwwwww.
Don't forget 2 send pix of u & ur tix. I get a bunch of HOT/COOL photos. I personally look through and choose the ones that grab my attention. If it's good stuff u get pulled backstage 4 my meet/greet! 

I've met tons of awesome people and it's always a good time meeting my fans directly!!!

My email is direct2dane@danecook.com @ DaneCook.com if you want 2 submit. The fellas pics are always wild / badass and of course the chicks photos are hotter than I can describe here but it's all well and good.

The tour has been dream like. 400,000 people have come out. DON'T MISS OUT ON BEING THERE 4 ONE OF THESE LAST 3 SHOWS!!!!!!!

Your mentor and friend -

Dane

SUperFInger 2 U
2:42  
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lundi, juin 01, 2009 
This past Saturday night I performed at Staples Center in Los Angeles--the first comedian to ever headline this venue. I was certainly feeling the weight of it more than most nights. On a typical night I'm in the pocket and ready to go from the moment my foot connects to tarmac. Last night I was roaming the halls, chatting with my best friends and family while rejoicing in what was a truly special evening.

My intro started. I felt my heart start beating faster than normal. I guess this was the moment I realized I had to take this to the next level on a night my fans would remember forever. I walked towards that center stage, which has become my home, standing in the middle of thousands. Everywhere I turn I see happy faces. I see my dream come true on each and every face I glance at and wave to. I've used the center stage to identify myself and my act and to set myself apart, while always paying the deepest tribute to the art of stand up comedy and the great comedians that inspired me throughout my journey.

I've stood at the very center of Boston Garden, as well as Madison Square Garden, doing two shows at each venue in one night, performing for 40,000 people...and here I am once again, doing it again, loving it again and sharing it again. Boston and NYC were like my comedy guardians growing up. I learned everything in stand-up from them. My strengths, weaknesses and everything in between.

My welcome last night was different. It was the most unreal thunderous laughs & applause I've ever heard. Jumping back 11 years I was the new kid in town with big hopes in the back of my mind. But would LA take this east coast kid in and make him feel like he's part of the community? Can I make a mark here and like Boston and NYC ... make LA proud? Is that allowed or legal!? After all I do wear my Celtic pride without pause.

The moment I stepped onstage last night I soaked it in. For two minutes before I could get a word out I allowed myself to just bask in it because I was so damn proud--proud that i came from 3000 miles away, 19 years later a kid from Arlington, MA doing all he ever wanted to do....make people laugh....but even prouder of you, the fans.

I have taken my own path and built a following using innovations, new technologies,  and a plethora of untapped resources. I appreciate the comedians that over the years came to me and asked me how I did it and how they could implement it....and I congratulate all my fellow stand-ups who are finding their success through these same avenues! Hell, even the haters peek in to see how I'm getting fresh comedy out to people and trying out my system. Good for them. Haters have young mouths to feed too. 

To be the first comedian to ever headline Staples was big...and to be the first comedian in history to debut in the top 4 of billboards charts twice was even bigger, but performing last Saturday night for you, the fans, was the biggest!

Los Angeles, i am so grateful for the embrace last night. I left it all out on the stage for you. Regardless of where I grew up you gave me the welcome home treatment and you know what? It was quite simply a fantastic night of comedy and memories I will never forget.

Thank you.

Dane
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dimanche, mars 22, 2009 
THANK YOU for all the B-DAY wishes on the 18th and up!!! Everyone is asking what I want for my B-DAY. I want you all to come to see me live on this tour. It's going to be the best of times. THAT is a gift that comes back to ya. OH and read below -- that would mean a bunch.


Hey b's and g's -

This May 17th my new comedy special ISolated INcident will debut uncut on Comedy Central. The CD / DVD will follow on May 19th in stores and online. You have NEVER seen a comedy special like this. I promise it will surprise you as much as it makes you crack up. It's my metamorphosis in more ways than one.


In a week or two I am going to let you all know how to get special surprises in and around my ISolated INcident - Global Thermo Comedy Tour.

HINT .... free tickets? backstage passes?

YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER SINCE THIS WILL BE EXCLUSIVE TO MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS!!! IT TAKES 2 MINUTES!!!!


http:​/​/​twitter.​ com/danecook


It's a great program that everyone is quickly snatching up. You will really love it ... yet ... I am working on something you will love even more. Damn. I love secrets. Join Twitter now ... the link is below to start following me. Soon a NEW tech toy will drop via me through Twitter. I am going to announce what it is through my Twitter very soon and I will also upload pics and vids.

Be the first to find out what I've gone and done now. SU-FI!



xo -

Dane
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samedi, octobre 11, 2008 
These things occurred to me today in this exact order.

I'm an optimistic pessimist. I'm pretty sure things are going to go horribly wrong.

I'm a procrastinator with a photographic memory. I can see what I'm supposed to be doing clearly.

A suicide note written by someone who is not suicidal is called an autobiography.

Finally, after years of research I can describe perfectly all of the people who hate me for whatever reason in one word. Balding.(*)

The screensaver pipes is far more entertaining than The Hills.

In every fountain there is a shimmering coin at the bottom tossed there with a meaningful wish and a person standing at a parking meter muttering, "fuck."

Racists are young and sexy. Bigots are old and ugly.
(racist = dolphin / bigot = platypus)

Every group of friends needs a racist to say what they're really thinking.

I've been a nobody and I've been a somebody. Somebody pays better.

Whoever came up with the concept for the copyright must have been nervous someone would steal their idea.

The word "word" backwards is drow. And according to my source material (**) "Drow are, on the whole, sadistic, arrogant, cruel, destructive, hedonistic, and treacherous. Their eternal game of advancement at the expense of others, which is encouraged by the spider goddess herself, has transformed the dark elves into a race of scheming backstabbers eager to increase their own stations by pulling down those ahead of them and crushing their inferiors underfoot."
Sooooo -- My point isssss .... I'm just sayin'.

(* Go back and re-read it. I'm not saying I'm balding. I'm saying the people that hate me are balding.)

(** Drow Campaign and Resource Center)
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vendredi, septembre 05, 2008 
Rolling Stone, the filet mignon of magazines, just released its comedy issue out into the wild. It's chock full of tasty humorous morsels from your favorite comedians on the tube, over the airwaves and in the cineplexes. Grab it from your neighbors mailbox or look at some of the scanned selections. Oh and there's more goodness in the actual issue.

UPDATE: I've got a massive amount of press coming up for My Best Friends Girl. Check back here and over at my website for all kinds of info. If you have not seen the trailer it's here on my myspace page citizens.






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mercredi, août 13, 2008 

Click to Enlarge


Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, "My Best Friends Girl," is the best / funniest film I've done yet. It's got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It's a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I'm not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I'd like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Britney Spears' vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar. I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 360 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"

7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn't the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) watch it below! Just click of the mute button and your rolling!

PS - "Its funny what love can make you do." I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait ... it looks better.

Hey ... I love my new movie. Jeez ... it IS funny what love can make you do.


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mardi, juin 24, 2008 
George Carlin will forever be remembered as an institution. His keen observations,
non-apologetic delivery, use of language and movement were world-renowned.

A George Carlin performance was fused together by his desire to spew at, share with, abuse and nurture a room full of people with his strong beliefs and social commentary. Yet, always resulting with an audience thoroughly entertained with endless laughter.

If a comedian remarks on a routine of a fellow comic by saying something is "Carlin-esque" it's acknowledged as a compliment of the highest regard.

He influenced me the first moment I watched his comedy. His approach to this art form gave my peers and myself permission to be anything and everything onstage. That inspiration continued throughout my career. He was a slight man who was a stand-up giant.

My thoughts and well wishes go out to his family, friends and to his fans.


For so many years doing comedy it was about "killing" with a joke or a story.
Learning that Mr. Carlin would dump the previous HBO specials material and work only the new routine was my new objective. I've done it that way since my first CD came out. Sometimes I get crap for turning over my stuff so fast but the truth is it's because guys like Carlin and Rock taught me that is the right way to approach your comedy. YES all comedians have covered all topics but it reminded me that NO ONE has seen or experienced life through my eyes.

Carlin showed me that you can't fuck with the truth. I admire guys that challenge themselves as performers and I appreciate being ... well ... appreciated for that same objective. I throw a sincere thank you to George Carlin for this discovery! I've put out my new CDs and specials right after the next because I've figured out how to say and share what I think and feel. It's often rag tag or freshly polished but it's my road and people seem to like traveling it with me.

Steve Martin and George Carlin are both a massive part of my success. Not comedy success. Life success. I am a better person because I listened to not just their jokes but to their meaning you know the metaphors riddled inside of them. Like great art everyone gets something different out of a joke. I get emails telling me a joke sucks ass and then the next one the joke is the best thing ever. Neither one dictates my direction anymore. I let go of that pain / pleasure long long ago. Caring about being loved or hated is no longer the quest nor has it been for a minute. To be rewarded for caring about the unknown is what it's all about. Praise for attempted evolution is so cool. The gray area is what I thrive on. I win because I try. Or I lose because I try. I've failed more times than not but I don't mind. It's from my heart. Everything I say.

George (and I loved him because my dads name is George and I always thought that made my pops funnier) Carlin is gone. Where to? No idea. Somewhere he created I hope. I will take the stage this week and like most nights challenge myself to be better and truer than ever.

Most comedians I know are talking about George Carlin like this today and will continue to as weeks and gigs roll by us. The great news, everyone, is George ain't gone completely. Comedians are inspired today and are going to take the stage and speak their routines from their heart because he did that and we should do that. Will it wear off? Yea, fuck yea, some will go back to the basics but not all of them. Go see live comedy ASAP. You are going to watch that last bit of Carlin rub off on a new generation of performers.

Comedians that want to find you and tell you about their dark, wild, silly, prolific ideas. Their honest stories, made-up one liners, jokes and conclusions.

Dane


IF YOU ARE INTERESTED I FOUND CARLINS LAST INTERVIEW EVER. ENJOY IT! I THINK IT'S WORTH THE READ. TRULY INSIGHTFUL.

GEORGE CARLIN : HIS FINAL INTERVIEW
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mercredi, janvier 16, 2008 
Dane Cook




To my fans,

I'm excited to announce that the brand new DANECOOK.com website comes A-LIVE today! The NEW site allows me to connect with my fans in a whole new way that I can't wait for you to check out! The guys over at KNI have been working long hours to make sure that this site kicks your eyes out! I hope ya dig it.

*'Good Luck Chuck' is available on DVD today with a ton of 'special features' that will make you laugh your asses off . Be sure to pick up a copy.

*My ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES TOUR visited 25 cities, logged over 21,000 miles, and entertained over 365,000 fans! The ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES CD/DVD has sold over 350,000 copies since its November release, and is currently on four Billboard Charts, including the chart for the number 1 Comedy Album. Click HERE to get yours guys.

*To every soldier in the US military that writes to me and feels closer to home through laughter GOD BLESS and THANK YOU. To anyone that would like to write our brave men and women all over the world they would love hearing from you! The link is: www.ANYSOLDIER.com

*To learn more about the Writers Guild of America and the recent developments involving the strike please click HERE. Thank you for your support.

SU-FI

Dane

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samedi, mars 31, 2007 
...NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT ME AND I DIDN'T KNOW EITHER UNTIL I WROTE THIS LIST OUT JUST NOW. EN-FUKIN-JOY.

The First Thing:
I hate the ocean. It's ugly and smells like a salty puddle. It is too damn loud with it's churning and splashing. The people that say they love the ocean are also not pretty to look at. They steal, lie and are not fair or right about most everything. The ocean is a pool filled with awful unattractive creatures that have no business on this planet. We should build a skyscraper-sized toaster, plug it in and drop it in the ocean electrocuting all the varmints in there. After that drain it and build some ballsy skateboard parks!

The Second Thing:
I can only eat egg whites if they are colored with a yellow food dye appearing like they are regular eggs. When I say "these are delicious regular eggs" you respond with "yes they look like tasty regular eggs and NOT egg whites."

The Third Thing:
I've invented a device that mathematically figures out who is the most boring person at a party and shoots a deadly laser at them killing them close to instantly.*1

The Fourth Thing:
My biggest regret in life is not having a really big regret.

The Fifth Thing:
One time a ghost appeared to me and told me I was going to do great things in this lifetime. I responded by trapping him in my Proton Pack and delivering it to the
Ecto-Containment Unit. You see, Dr. Peter Venkman is a dear friend of mine and some ghost with his tricky horseshit will not persuade me other wise.

The Sixth Thing:
There is no better feeling in the whole wide world than when the cop that is following behind your car takes a left. Especially when you DO have a body in your trunk.

The Seventh Thing:
There is nothing funnier than someone that is not funny trying to convince other people that someone isn't funny.

The Eighth Thing:
A young boy looked at his mother and asked her, "Mom is there a God?"

The mother looked, smiled and responded, "I really don't think so."

This boy then went to his father and asked, "Dad is there a God?"

The dad looked, grinned and replied, "Yes. I know there is."

Later that night the three of them were driving to grab dinner at a place where lower middle class people eat when a logging truck ran a red light and hit them head on. The mother died the father lived and the boy was badly hurt by a log that bashed into his body.

Oprah called and had the father and son on her popular syndicated talk show and she asked the boy if he believed in God. The boy looked, smirked and replied "I'm on Oprah so what do you think?!"

Later that night the logger that drove the truck in a fit of rage because he was not asked to participate in the panel discussion on Oprah (yet he was invited to sit in the audience which is still pretty prestigious but certainly not as validating as sitting on the actual couch with Oprah) went into a blind white rage and killed the father and son, dug up the mothers body and put the three of them in a tree fort he built for his son Jarvis dressing them in army uniforms wearing wigs, costume jewelry and smart casual footwear.

A year later the logging trucker guy was the LEAD GUEST on Oprah live from prison and his new book "LOGGING, KILLING, CATS and OTHER DAILY STUFF" is a bestseller.

I think we all know that there IS a God but He is very drunk, somewhat troubled and obviously extremely shy hence He doesn't care for the question about him existing or not so let's focus on something else for right now.

The Ninth Thing:
Nobody can tell you that you won't make it in this world. Yet, if we can rally everyone in the world to tell you that you won't make it than it's true. You really have no shot because all of us don't care for your work and we are the world. Odds are you will be fine but have a back up plan in case all of us come calling with some bad news.

The Tenth Thing:
If I went to college I would major in Apology.

*1 - Pending approval with the FCC and people that like coming to my parties.
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