Welcome! Check SexwithTimaree every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

Question to Sexpert Timaree:....

“So, my grandma died three years ago and while it was really hard on my grandpa, he’s moved on and is planning to start dating again. He’s quite popular with several of the older neighborhood ladies. This is really weird to ask, but do I need to have a talk with him about dating in the modern world? I doubt he’s thought about sexually transmitted diseases for forty years. I read something about HIV spreading at nursing homes and immediately thought of my grandpa. How do I talk about sex to the guy who taught me how to play catch?”....

Hold still while I pin this tastefully tacky “World’s Best Grandkid” ribbon on your polo.  You’re fucking A right Gramps needs to be prepared to re-enter the dating (and presumably sexing) atmosphere. Now, it would be naïve to assume he didn’t already know the rudiments: sexually transmitted infections (STIs) have existed since the first dirty cave people realized that rubbing up against each other felt awesome. However, there are a number of reasons elderly folks are actually at an increased risk for trouble and he might need to brush up on some of the finer points of avoiding what he probably called “venereal disease.”

For those of us born in the 80s and later, HIV has always been a threat. It has been in the public consciousness for our entire lives and therefore, we’re more likely to use condoms than older age groups. For Gramps, though, condoms were something that sailors needed when they looked for “good time girls” and sex workers, not what you use when you make it with the widow next door.

Further, because decreased vaginal lubrication after menopause, it’s actually easier to get an STI for an elderly person. And they often wait much longer between sexual health exams, meaning something can go undiagnosed for years. And considering your grandparents were married so long, there’s a real possibility he has never had to learn HOW to perform safer sex practices like putting on condoms.

Promiscuity and STI rates among seniors are increasing and there’s no reason to suspect this trend will slow as the self congratulatory Boomers slide into this phase of life. Thanks to Viagra and Cialis and their ilk, Gramps can look forward to years of potential boots-knockin with the little old ladies nearby, but he needs to know what to do to avoid becoming one of the 10% of new HIV cases that are people over 50.

One thing I want to impress upon you is that although your concern and willingness to help mean you can do a great deal to lead Gramps in the right direction, it IS a little awkward for you both to do the actual education. He might learn more if you point him towards the information, rather than instruct him personally. There are sexuality educators available who work with seniors whom he won’t have ever diapered, and they will gladly help answer his questions.

What you can do:

-look into programming at the local senior center or retirement home and ask if they already have sexually education available.

-contact a local sexual health clinic, Planned Parenthood or health department and ask what is available nearby for Gramps

-show Gramps a few websites about having a healthy sex life as a senior and dating for people who haven’t done so in awhile.

-get pamphlets on sexual health in general, using condoms and talking about safer sex with partners from your doctor, health clinic or Planned Parenthood and give them to Gramps. You can either leave them where he will find them (good plan) or talk to him about how you know he’s about to start dating again and you want him to know about some stuff that has happened since he was last a free agent (better plan). Be prepared to get rebuffed and assure yourself you did the right thing.

Good luck!

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com. To see more: http://sexwithtimaree.com

Question to Sexpert Timaree:....

.. ..

“I’ve had something weird happen a couple times recently. After my fiance and I have had sex, I started crying uncontrollably. It makes no sense! It was great sex! There was no pain. And I’ve never been raped or abused. It freaked me out and so my fiance was really worried. What is going on?”....

.. ..

Let me add to the rollercoaster of emotion that appears to be the trajectory of your life right now by saying: congrats! Your “something weird” is entirely awesome. It’s symptomatic of having wickedly good, emotionally intense banging that’s so great the crowd that is your body gave you a standing ovation.

.. ..

I get that this sounds weird. Crying tends to be the realm of hurt feelings, broken body parts, hungry babies and graduate students who, in their third year, realize they’ve made a horrible, horrible mistake. It’s a thing that happens when we’re feeling our worst, most awful emotions, plumbing the depths of our murky souls for reasons not to say “fuck it all,” sell our possessions and move to Baja to sell fish tacos on the beach.

.. ..

But it’s also something we do when we’re feeling ecstatically, stupidly happy. Fan girls bawl like crazed lunatics at the sight of Edward Cullen, parents whimper helplessly as they watch their babies graduate, I still end up with tears streaming down my face every time I watch the JK Wedding Entrance video ‘cause it’s just so damn beautiful.

.. ..

Granted, some people launch into a post-coital weepfest because of trauma: they are revisiting terrible past experiences or are in physical pain. This, however, is not your situation and you needn’t worry that you’ve sublimated some early memories of an inappropriate piano teacher. Odds are: you’re just fine.

.. ..

What is causing this though? There are a few ideas, all of which indicate you and your fiance are seriously taking care of business.

.. ..

HORMONAL MUCH?

Hey, you remember that other time you randomly start crying uncontrollably that happens, oh, about once a month? It’s cause of hormones. Hormones are a real big source of emotional waves. The huge injection of epinephrine, along with oxytocin or vasopressin, floods your system as you orgasm. Nothing like a gargantuan influx of neurochemicals to touch your soul. It brings a tear to my eye now just thinking about it.

.. ..

YOU’RE ON MY LAST NERVE

When you’re really into the sex, your body gets super geared up for it. But your brain doesn’t know how to differentiate “my fiance is the hottest piece of ass on the fucking planet” from “that bear might well eat me.” It knows what chemicals are pumping through it, that there is tons of vasocongestion (as blood is filling tissue) and muscle tensing, and how to respond to the “trauma” of getting so excited.

.. ..

Crying is a reflex that is part of the sympathetic nervous system, which is part of the autonomic nervous system, the portion that is entirely out of our control. All that crazy nerve excitation, especially the vagus nerve, and your brain needs to find a release valve for all the pent up steam so it can return to normal.

.. ..

NEW-AGEY ANSWER

If you believe in tantra, or soul mates or any number of other spiritual ideas about sexuality, you might appreciate this answer. Some suggest that the banging-induced blubbering is your spirit mourning the loss of the communion with your loved one, now that sex has come to an end. It purports that your very beings were entwined entirely for the time in which you were going at it, and now that you must physically and spiritually separate again, there is a short period of accompanying sadness.

.. ..

So, as you have surmised, it’s only because you feel so strongly towards this partner whom you want to marry that you have this response. Take it as a compliment.

.. ..

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://sexwithtimaree.com

Check out SexwithTimaree every Monday, Wednesday and Friday!!

The ultimate in men’s sex toys just got better?

Yep, you really are stupider in the face of a pretty female

Boys might be able to get the HPV vaccine too!

Uteruses may be “remarkably flexible,” but they’re still not clown cars, Michelle Duggar.

Hipster music and inadvertent social commentary on gender roles

Always amazing sex writer Audacia Ray heads to India for a cultural exchange to learn about sex workers on the other side of the globe

Bet your workplace safety regulations are less condom-oriented

Controversial, sexy and scary new “AIDS is a Mass Murderer” Campaign. Did you know every 15 seconds someone dies of the disease? Yet public interest has declined over the years.

It wouldn’t be right if a week passed without a Republican sex scandal.

To save Christianity, this professor suggests kids marry right out of high school. And a pastor says God wants us to celebrate sexuality and says so in the Bible.

Women, think men look at your chest first and your face later? You’re right.

Teen lobbies for sex ed. What’d YOU do in high school?

Parents overestimate their influence on kids’ sex knowledge.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email Timaree at sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Welcome! Check out SexwithTimaree.com every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

Question to Sexpert Timaree:....

“I have a dilemma that seems silly even to me. I’ve been dating the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. No, she really, really is. Her personality is also really great. She’s sweet and smart and thoughtful. I’m totally smitten. I don’t know how I landed her, but we’ve been seeing each other for about 2 months since we met through friends at a party. But as much as people envy my luck at having such arm candy, it’s kind of hell. Everyone in the world is competition now. She gets hit on constantly, even right in front of me. She’s good about it and politely shoos them away. But these guys eyeball me like, “who’s THIS asshole?” It’s incredibly stressful and I feel as though at any second I might end up in a fight with one of these guys or dropped for someone more attractive. And I don’t want to seem too clingy or jealous to her, especially not this early. What am I supposed to do?”....

First off, your concern is legit. For every person out there who dreams of trading up from their current partner, there’s another person getting so riled up about the possibility of their relationship falling apart that they accidently cause it to implode with jealousy, insecurity and pansy ass fretting.

BALANCING ACT

As you might have gathered from your experience, couples do best when they’re similar in their levels of attractiveness. People tend to like others who are similar to them and flock to those who have comparable levels of income, education and physical appearance- because they have a lot in common and can view each other as peers. When you see a smoking hot person walk down the street holding the hand of a total fugster, you take notice… and might assume the uggo is extremely wealthy… or ridiculously funny. There has to be some balance of assets to make the investment worthwhile.

.. ..

Potential rivals for your lady see her…and then see you… and assess your threat level. If they can “get” what she sees in you, they’re less likely to bother extending the effort when rejection seems inevitable. If she appears so outrageously hot that it’s worth the gamble, they might still make a try even if you’re a total catch. Or they might make a play without even noticing that you’re present. In any event, this is going to be a problem.

.. ..

ON THE UPSIDE

It’s better that she be hot anyway. Even though attractiveness equilibrium is important, physical beauty is more important to men than to women, traditionally. For this reason, heterosexual relationships with a more attractive female are significantly more successful than those with a way hotter guy. However, you might want to make sure you make good money and are always extra super nice to her cause you got to bring something to the table.

.. ..

TAKE IT AS A COMPLIMENT

Yeah, I know. It’s an honor for the first thirty times someone informs you that your girl is mad fine but grows increasingly arduous thereafter. But she sees something in you and that should be acknowledged and valued. By downplaying your own hotness, you’re devaluing her taste and that’s more disrespectful to her than it is modest for you.

.. ..

Find out what she likes about you and play it up. Even if you’re not confident, act like it. Chicks dig it.

TRADE DOWN

None of this sounds do-able? You’re just convinced that this whole thing will collapse under the weight of your anxiety? Not feeling like enduring the endless barrage of ego dings that is dating a vixen? Cut your losses and look for someone who’s more your speed. Whether it be Sean Kingston crying out about beautiful girls leading you to suicide or Jimmy Soul warning you never to make a pretty woman your wife, there are plenty of reasons to seek out a safe bet in your next partner.

.. ..

GET HOTTER

Worried you’re not hot enough? Fine. Stop being a whiny baby and do something about it. Quit your excuses and hit the goddamn gym. Take pride in your appearance, get advice from a trusted stylish friend on what you can do to spiff up a bit, and not only will you look better, but you’ll feel it. If there was ever a motivator, she might as well be it. Good luck!

.. ..

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email Timaree at sexwithtimaree@gmail.com For more, check out http://sexwithtimaree.com

Check out Sex with Timaree every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

Same-sex marriages in Vermont!

Stay away from diabetes: it can hurt your sex life

Health benefits of regular sex

Is appearance-based discrimination increasing?

Back to school sexual health dos and don’ts.

Catholics being asked to pray before sex

Scenes from the Bay area Cougar Convention

Thanks, religion, for trying to ruin art.

A new take on why nice guys can’t get girls

Things sons should be taught about women and dating

How to have sex in a snuggie: the Snuggie Sutra

Condoms: cheaper than babies

Woman born with two vaginas… and it pretty much sucks

For a taste of how some people think, check out the comments posted on this column about women who don’t change their name after getting married.

Chlamydia’s never been so cute

Whether you’re looking for the best shock absorbing sports bra or just wanna watch boobies bounce

How to use masturbation as prayer

.. ..

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Getting friendzoned is really a matter of fate. You don’t put yourself there by waiting too long, no matter how many people like to think that. If she thinks you’re sexy and she wants your motion in her ocean, she’ll want it on the 22^nd date as much as she wants it on the 2^nd. If there is sex that you would get on date 3 that you wouldn’t get on date 13, then it’s just very temporary sex anyway.
No judgment against hooking up with complete strangers, it has its own purpose. And, yes, there are serious, long-term relationships (LTR) that started from blind, nearly anonymous fucking. But if you’re actively looking for a LTR or marriage, make it easier on yourself by waiting longer than you want to.
Your use of sexuality communicates a lot to other people but most of it is based on assumptions and their past experiences. You might think you’re saying “I respect you, so I’m not going to make a move,” but he might read it as “I’m not into you, but I like free dinners and don’t have anything else going on tonight.” You might mean, “I’m so super into you that I’m going to act out of character and make love right away,” she might read it as “I’m a playa and this is what I do.” Don’t assume; talk.
Identify what you want and make it known. Know it for yourself so you can plan your actions accordingly and keep the other person in the loop so you don’t end up with hurt feelings on either side. If you just want to hook up, make your intentions clear from the get go. If this person means a lot to you, grow a pair and say so.
Always always always have the safety conversation ahead of time. And I don’t mean right before something goes into an orifice. I mean when you’re fully clothed, talking sincerely, without any pressure. Be brave enough to bring it up and be fully honest about your last sexual health exam and current STI status as well as measures to prevent pregnancy. C’mon, you’re a grown up. You can do it.

 Awesome site all about female sexual pleasure. For the men folk: here’s the latest and greatest in masturbatory technology.

Adorable video about how various methods of birth control work

Is monogamy incest? The paradox of balancing intimacy and eroticism.

Ever heard of figging?

Lutherans voted to allow lesbian and gay clergy to serve! And Obama voices objections to DOMA ( it denies rights to same-sex couples).

The asexual movement continues to gain steam

What are the reasons that women cheat? Not surprisingly: boredom. Feel like being a cheater? Here’s advice on how to do it. But don’t get caught.

Talking to kids about sex is a continuous conversation not a one-time talk, and it needs to start early

Crash course in pleasing women without penetration

Do you suffer from painful sex?

Tennis legend Martina Navratilova has a new fiancé: a former beauty queen with a sordid past

Due to weird mistake, it’s currently legal to sell porn to kids in the UK.

The latest in the video series on the World’s Most Terrifying Penises: the Echidna

Adorable condom packaging- looks like there’s candy inside!

Circumcision not good enough prevention effort against HIV for gay men

Before you send your teen to work, think twice. Certain jobs may influence their sexual health.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Welcome! Check SexwithTimaree Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

Question to the Sexpert:....

“So what’s the deal with Caster Semenya, the runner who is undergoing gender tests? Why would it possibly take so long to establish if she’s actually a she? Can’t a quick look up the skirt settle this?”....

The short version: She’s an 18 year old South African runner  who handily smoked her competition in the 800 meters at the World Championships in Berlin last week.

And she doesn’t exactly look or sound like Maria Sharapova.

Between her sharply muscled physique, astounding athletic ability and (arguably) boyish disinterest in wearing skirts and long hair, she has aroused dodged harassment her whole life about being a boy.

And while I don’t think it played any part in the decision of the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) to give her a gender test, the oddball fact is her name happens to be an anagram for “yes, a secret man.”

Now, Caster says the accusations that she is actually male are bullshit, her family says they’re bullshit, her team and country say they’re bullshit and they would all like to add that the whole thing smells a lot like… what is that thing?....that white people have done to black Africans for hundreds of years…. You know…. oh yeah, racism.

Like, I said, she doesn’t exactly look like Maria Sharapova.

So a month ago she was sent in for the battery of tests that require everything from a gynecologist to a psychologist, with examinations of her hormones, chromosomes, internal and external anatomy because she a) got too good too quickly and b) actually has three times the normal amount of testosterone for a woman.

Now, to clarify, most people who question her gender and ask for this gross invasion of privacy and very public humiliation don’t think she’s some dude who know’s he’s a dude but competes as a woman anyway- although that certainly has happened. They’re suggesting that Caster, like some other runners who came from such humble beginnings that consistent meals were a genuine concern, might be a man and not know it.

And honestly, they may be right. Caster might not have the standard XX chromosome pattern, or she might have no internal female anatomy or she might be intersexed in some other way. But then again, so might you. Between Klinefelter’s, Androgen Insensitivity, simple undifferentiated genitalia and the litany of other ways a person can be not 100% male or female, the shocking fact is that 1 in 100 births is, to some degree, intersex.

A lot of people have no idea until they hit puberty and things that are “supposed” to happen, don’t. Or things that aren’t “supposed” to happen do. Or they can’t get pregnant. Or they require internal surgery and BAM- holy shit, there’s an ovary!

And even if it’s discovered that she has some facet of intersexuality, it’s hard to say whether that makes her male or female- enough to allow her to compete against women. Here is an amazing essay on how bloody complicated the process is and how sports needs a standardized way of determining gender.

The whole issue is complicated by science and politics… with a touch of racism. In a world where we now must prove our gender to fly on an American airplane, the world is fairly hostile to transgender and intersex people. Caster has been greeted with a hero’s welcome back in South Africa but the fate of her gold medal still hangs in the balance. Here’s hoping things work out for her.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Question to the Sexpert:....

“I have been in a lightbulb {note from Timaree: off and on} relationship for almost two and a half years now. The off part was when I had to go abroad for six months for work and we decided to be free to see other people during that time. Well, I’ve been back for awhile and things are generally fine. There’s just the one sticking point: his facebook relationship status. We’re both on the site, but while I’m just listed as “in a relationship,” he has nothing at all. I’ve brought it up a few times and he says it’s not his style and he thinks it’s cheesy to have your significant other’s name linkable on your profile. I think it’s sketchy. Should I be worried?”....

Ummm…maybe.

For those of you who think this question is stupid or not a genuine concern worth fighting over, I’d like to remind you that you better grab some batteries for your Walkman so you have something to do while you’re waiting for 21 Jump Street to come on since you can’t leave your house because you’re waiting for an important phone call.

For better or worse, networking sites are a part of the ubiquitous technology social revolution where connecting is instant, narcissism is productive and nothing is for realsies until it’s Facebook official. I’m not going to argue this point with you. Yes, it’s a little ludicrous but so are most things we do. Humans love looking for outside powers to make things real for them: marriage licenses, Church, fashion magazines. And as of some indeterminate time ago, Facebook relationship statuses became a bastion of information and a bedrock of social order.

So back to your question. My gut instinct is: your man is acting shady (sorry). There is a litany of reasons to explain why a person may not be down with broadcasting their affection for you to the world, but as per Occam’s razor and years of knowing men personally, I’d guess he was being a sketchball. To help you out, I’ve created the following flowchart:

It doesn’t cover every single contingency, like “what if my boo is actually a professional entertainer and their profile is of a character for which they are famous?” and “what if we’re currently monogamous but up until recently were in a secret polyamorous relationship with a third person who was not on facebook and we don’t want their friends to think they got dumped for our current relationship” and other very practical concerns that affect everyday Americans. So, in that way it’s flawed.

But you get the gist. If it’s important to you, you should be able to ask him for an explanation and he ought to be willing to make concessions on his machismo to make you feel more confident and comfortable. It’s not my aim to make people conform and I hate demanding that people cave to trends, but this is rarely a matter of being a free-thinking rebel.

At the heart of the matter is trust. If the status alone will make you happy, then by god, go tell him what you want. But if, at the end of the shenanigans, you still aren’t sure what’s up between you two, you need to have a lot more conversations than just this one.

Good Luck!

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Sexpert Timaree Schmit is currently finishing her doctorate in Human Sexuality, the culmination of a lifetime of prurient interests. She has worked as a sex educator writing for both academic and popular media for over seven years, and as an HIV Prevention Counselor, peer sexuality educator and adjunct professor. She was the founding Chair of the Human Sexuality Education Student Organization (HSEDSO) and is an active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). You can see more of her work at SexWithTimaree.com

Check out SexwithTimaree.com on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for fresh content!

Question to the Sexpert:....

“As long as you’re discussing interesting studies, might we get your thoughts on this little gem related the female enthusiasm for sex to red wine consumption. Also, what is the Female Sexual Function Index?”....

Much like I’d gratefully smile at a relative who changes the subject to the weather at an awkward Thanksgiving dinner where I grow weary of trying to explain to Grandma why it’s not ok the Mexican neighbors as “Spanish people,” I’m glad you brought this up.

Not only is the study itself a fascinating bit of sex research, it’s also a perfect exemplar of the phenomenon of mainstream media doing a piss poor job of reporting sex research.

Some Italian scientists, looking for trouble, gave the Female Sexual Functional Index (a self-report survey on arousal and satisfaction which you can read here) to 800 women between the ages of 18 and 50 who came into a Tuscan hospital. They divided the ladies into three categories: red wine drinkers, non drinkers and those who prefer other alcohol and excluded the results of everyone who drank more than 2 glasses a day, those who smoked and those with specific sexual dysfunctions.

What they discovered is that women who drank one or two glasses of red wine a day scored a little higher on the Index. All we know for certain is that in this particular group (which may or may not be representative of all women) those who drank a little bit of red wine reported having better sex lives. That’s it. That’s all this study proves. It doesn’t prove wine makes women hornier, it doesn’t prove women who drink have better sex, it doesn’t prove that wine will help your sex life.

But the media reporting the story was more than happy to make ridiculous leaps of logic for the sake of having tantalizing leads. One story started, “If you've always thought booze made sex more enjoyable, science may have finally agreed with you,” despite the fact the study said nothing of the sort. Others made inferences that people should drink on the way to the bedroom or that wine might be the key to a better sex life.

And nearly all the articles included either a picture of a glass of wine or a photo of a white couple in bed, the woman wearing a bra and the man topless, drinking white wine. Yet, the study actually only looked into red wine. Not a big deal in and of itself, of course, but a great example of how you can’t take mainstream media reports of scientific findings at face value.

To further examine the study and reasons why you shouldn’t immediately go to Wine and Spirits with the plan of saving your marriage, here is Timaree’s Methodological Problems O’Rama:

·                     Women who drink one to two glasses a day of red wine might also eat a diet that encourages cardiovascular health and live less stressful lives than those who drink a lot more or none at all, both factors that might contribute to sexual satisfaction. And they might also be relaxed about sexuality in general.

·                     Self report of sexual satisfaction is not proof of sex being better.

·                     The study was performed in Italy, a country known for its wine production. The possibilities for both skewed samples and conflicts of interests abound.

·                     There is no way to know whether the wine has an effect on sex drive or if women with higher sex drives tend to like wine.

·                     Older women scored higher on the index than young ones, indicating that satisfaction with sex might be more a function of natural or developed sexual peaks than the effect of alcohol

The list can continue on for a hot minute. In any event, the take-home message is that sexuality is complex and the media wants to simplify things to the point of worthlessness… so don’t base your decisions on cheesy news bits. And if you want to bang an Italian woman, get her lightly toasted.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Sexpert Timaree Schmit is currently finishing her doctorate in Human Sexuality, the culmination of a lifetime of prurient interests. She has worked as a sex educator writing for both academic and popular media for over seven years, and as an HIV Prevention Counselor, peer sexuality educator and adjunct professor. She was the founding Chair of the Human Sexuality Education Student Organization (HSEDSO) and is an active member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). You can see more of her work at SexWithTimaree.com

Welcome! Check out SexwithTimaree.com every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

Question to the Sexpert:....

“As to the lady who found out she was engaged to a porn star: who is at fault here? {Note from Timaree: this was in a Friday Sex Link a couple weeks ago}  I say that the guy is totally wrong for lying and cheating but my girlfriend says the woman had the responsibility to know the whole truth about the person she agreed to marry and if they had already gotten married then she shouldn’t have been able to divorce him. That’s craziness to me. What do you say?”....

You’re both right. Ding Ding Ding! That was easy. Now I can go back to watching that Keyboard Cat versus Usher video on YouTube.

To remind ya’ll who don’t immediately recall the article referenced: a woman was about to get married when her maid of honor, while looking for some bachelorette party entertainment of the wiener-shaking variety, stumbled upon an advert for the groom himself, who, it turns out, was not only a stripper but also a full-blown porn star. The bride-to-be did not have the standard pornography story line response of wanting to get in on that action. Rather, she opted for the opening of a Cameron Diaz rom com movie response of being emotionally shattered and breaking off the engagement, hopefully to find true love with some wacky slacker heartthrob after a series of hijinks.

Now there are a few ways one can react to this story.

Sincere, slightly insecure reaction: “Holy buckets. If it turned out my boo was actually banging strange tail for a living, I’d be so devastated I’d probably stop eating or bathing and just lay on the floor in my apartment listening to the Smiths until I died.”

Blu Cantrell-style reaction: “I’d cut his cheating, lying member off and mail it back to him C.O.D.”

The kind of naked logic that only comes from people who are not in love: “Well, before she agreed to marry him she ought to have bothered to look into him a little bit. What kind of an idiot dates somebody long enough to get hitched but doesn’t bother to find out what they do for a living?”

Aforementioned Porn reaction: “you’re sleeping with other women???......without me?” cue bow chica bow wow music as she rips her shirt off.

Well, to be fair to the real people involved: he was doing a pretty bang up job of covering his side gig and they spent a fair amount of time doing their relationship long-distance. In reality, he took advantage of the trust she was required to have to maintain their connection from far away and should be shaken firmly by the testicles for potentially endangering her by having sex with other people without her knowledge.

It’s hard to know if he was deliberately dishonest or just took great liberties with revealing relevant details. In any event, Duder is being intentionally misleading and for that he gets the big Piece O’ Shit Sticker stamped right on his forehead. But his actions and the subsequent coverage of the story does bring up some important topics to discuss with partners.

1. Yep, you are responsible to tell the whole truth. There’s no two ways about it.

2. You are also responsible for keeping your Liedar, Crazydar and Skankdar on for a solid 6 months and not getting played. No need to be a snoop, but ask questions and make sure things add up. Don’t be blinded by affection.

3. When you agree to marry someone, mean it. Mean all of it, including the parts about staying together no matter what. If Girlie had already wed Mr. Sidejob, she has a case for annulment, but technically, she agreed to stick with him through whatever may come.

4. Under no circumstances is it ok to lie about your sexual history/life if it’s endangering someone by not giving them enough information to make informed decisions. You’re grown enough to have sex, you’re grown enough to talk about it.

.. ..

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Not even a surprise anymore: another anti-gay “conservative” legislator in sex scandal

Top 5 reasons kids drop out of high school includes becoming a parent

Transgender mayor gets in trouble for wearing provocative dress to a meeting

How old is too old to be a new mom?

The difficult relationship between wives and mothers-in-law

Debunking myths about the male body

Uganda to outlaw female circumcision

Duh alert: sex goes back up amongst couples after their kids leave home

Women, are you watching more porn?

Women are getting more and more out of men’s league in terms of attractiveness.

Great segment on CNN about transgender issues- fascinating talk with Alexis Arquette, my good friend Ryan Sallans, Isis King of America’s Next Top Model and others

Polish priest offers Catholic couples a book all about sex tips

The IUD: oft-ignored great option for contraception

Are these new reality TV shows featuring heavy main characters exploitative?

Tragic tale of an 8 year Liberian immigrant girl gang raped and then shunned by her family for having shamed them.

Solid advice for inexperienced men from the maestro, Dan Savage

HIV rates among gay men in Chicago dangerously high

Ten tips for successful gay dating- helpful advice for anyone

Op-Ed: abortions should be government funded.

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com

Welcome! Check out SexwithTimaree Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!

A recent spate of studies on what contributes to a successful marriage; Op-ed on enjoying marriage in light of today’s doom and gloom view of the institution; maybe try the Japanese fad of marriage hunting

400 million year old penis

Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest, Bruno, is bad for the gays even as it mocks bigotry

Fetish ahoy! Pregnant bikini contest photos, and for you fish fetishists- you can now be a mermaid with this custom made tail

Women from other countries seeking asylum from domestic violence and sexual abuse have a much better shot at safety in America under Obama.

A woman photographs strangers and asks their definition of “love”

Know what a “merkin” is? Well, prostitutes used to wear them to cover patches where they had lost pubic hair due to disease. And merkins are back in fashion.

Find out how hetero some one’s twitter is

Doomed relationship chart

Man get boob job for the lady tattooed on his leg

Is there a connection between viewing child porn and offending against children? Perhaps a surprising one.

A tale of two men who both entered a lesbian chat room, pretending to be women, and fell in love… with each other

Even though it’s not fool proof, condoms do reduce risk of herpes spread

Sex academy opens in Berlin; check it out

Let’s stop acting like it’s not: sex ed booklet for teens teaching sex is pleasurable

650 pound virgin loses over 400 pounds in quest for love- now is ripped personal trainer

New method of contraception in Canada

Sex and puberty in Harry Potter movies

Russian website on increasing vaginal strength

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at SexwithTimaree.com