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A plague is out. Im affected. Under fire. Under attack. A tight grip on hope slowly weakens. No comprehension. No reasons. Efforts in vain. Nonetheless, my soul committed. All for a paper chase. Wheres the logic? An irony so stingingly clear. An education valued like a passport to a chained life. Just so we can sell our souls. Work for the bucks and butcher our humanity. --Exams ought to be eradicated--

Finally there seem to be some hope for the local music scene. Electrico has been hyping things up ever since they came back from their australia tour. Promising, charming and radio-friendly. Perhaps thats the formula they have worked out to ignite the sussed-out atmosphere. Charging up to .1 spot on perfect 10's chart seems to be no easy feat for any local bands. Though im not an avid radio fan, i do believe in the powers of mass media and broadcast. Maybe with this hightened popularity singaporeans will open up to local talents and stop the senseless worship of pop culture. However, i do hope in the near future, the underground scene can be recognised too. With this carving of a new path to local rock music, music-lovers can broaden their spectrum and get a taste of other genres, shades of rock.

*Creativity was born to break the tags & crush the codes. *CHAINED to a list of chores. A mundane lifestyle. Monotony breeds. *Proliferated.Infiltrated.And then overwhelmed each and every one of us. *Creativity was mutilated. Trapped. Caged. *A penchant call for help. A hapless call for aid. The lock remains. *Struggling. A War within. While originality mourns, everyone remains quiet. *Afraid of being sacrilegious to this religion of silence. --All we need now is a way out--

My heart bleeds for her. My head is spinning. Pirated Placebos on my marinated doritos. Munching the white buttons away. Spilling the crumps away. Shoving depression away. She slit my heart open. To unveil the throbbing beast within. A tormented creature trapped in a cage of thorns. Bleeding. Draining. Slowing. A Hunger for love metamorphosed into insanity. Bit by bit. Drop by drop. Life slips away. Depression fades away. mobility freezes for an endless standstill. Enveloped in A shroud of eternal serenity. And she emerges champion. But the befallen shall revive.

Fate is disillusional. Its a lie to drown ourselves in so that we wont feel so remorseful of our lost. When things do take place, fate doesnt play a part. We will like to think that we worked hard for it. Fate is an excuse as lame as an empty wallet. Convincing on the outside; vacant on the inside. Stop day dreaming. Stop hoping. Nothing happens when nothing moves; only shifting of blames on the word fate. Blame on everything and everyone else except for myself. How original! How convenient! Its time to pull the plug. End it all. Kill fate.

A crowd. A cocktail of music, chatter, lights, sweat, gyrating bodies. A surreal order within chaos. A chaos misunderstood. An order only experienced by those in chaos. Alcohol & smoke twine together in the dark & luscious red atmosphere. A muti faceted ball of mirrors reflecting the moods of troubled minds, left suspended above them all. Spinning, spinning away their sorrows & worries. Enchanted. Mesmerised. Caught in the act! A stare in exchange for a smile. A warmth. A tingle. An exchange of glances. Reciprocated smiles. Drenched in shyness. Left me soaked in awkwardness. Was that an angel? So white & fair. So pure & real. Im stuck in between reality & fantasy. An exasperated sigh. A social disability. A stab in the wound unresolved for 22 years. A long overdue wait. Nothing moves. Im in a standstill. Its now or never. Nothing moves. Tonight or never. Nothing moves. Its now or...over! Like a stop watch jolted back to life. Everything starts to flow again. Hope drains away as time takes its toll. So, a goodbye to the fairy. A goodbye to the angel. A goodbye to hope. As i float out wistfully into the darkness of the night. A door of hope Closed behind me. Im left...misunderstood.

the alarm clock rings. the sheets are pulled off. a face appears on the silver surface of the mirror. a hurried yet forceful brushing motion continued for 2 minutes. a swooshing sound then a flush of water. eyes droopy & mind foggy. out of the door. out of the comfort zone. a crazy theatrical performance manifests. a stampede. a fashion parade. a concrete jungle. a roulette of cars spinning heads dizzy. Mastered the art of neutralising senses. Stimuli desensitized. aloof. devoid of compulsion & obsession. a true pure breed. a mind with no noise. such clarity! only to be misunderstood by others. a mind so clear that others do not comprehend & they formulate warped reasons for its existence like they do with so many other issues. Clarity has been misconstrued as insanity. noise has been hailed as normality. they strangle their necks with ties & travel to work in an outfit deemed for a funeral reflecting the moods of a trapped soul. is that normality? Corporate buildings or torture chambers-temples for sacrificial ceremonies? a constant cycle of brainwashing. Minds sold. Souls mined. nothings left. just a programmed mind. a wreaked body. whos insane? whos not? whos to judge? whos suffering?

What makes us happy? Knowing ourselves? Understanding ourselves? Choosing to do things that make us happy? If we understand ourselves & stick to being who we are, can we be happy? Growing up in a place full of influences & trap in a conflict of ideas, sounds, noises & visual junkyards, how is it helping us to develop a true self? A true identity? Shifting cultures, changing trends, now seems like a fashion parade. A showdown of colours, slogans, mottos that exchanges non-sensical support amongst charmed crowds blinded by this crazy junkyard of ideologies. Whats real? Whats true? A disillusioned crowd admist a bazaar of voices & noises. Whose voice do u buy? Are we enticed to buying those we do not believe in? If we are unsure of our true identity, where then is our stand? Arent we just vulnerable to the charming voices that sing only what we want to hear? Voices after all are just voices; intangible. Action lies in the strength of our own beliefs. If we are in an identity crisis, how can we have strength? Stop the propaganda! Stop the sponging of trends & crazy colours! Make yourself! Save yourself!

The most beautiful thing about life is the pursuit for happiness and inner peace which brings along the memories & experiences in our lives' journeys, making us whole and closer to one another. The most ridiculous thing about life is the invention of currency and a list of paradox that tags along with it. As people become affluent, physically comfortable, deep down we have become colder, poorer and more detached from humanity. An endless cycle of destruction, construction & recovery just so that only a mere 10% gets richer while e rest suffer in silence. But what is the meaning of being richer? In e end, when a person dies, his posessions, money, properties become useless to him. Instead, more havoc is wreaked as these things are passed on down to the his offsprings like a passports to proliferate destruction a.k.a capitalise and make more money. New medicines are created but many more new diseases and illness surfaces as a result. It is an endless cycle, a vicious cycle. When will this stop? Have we really advanced ever since pre-historic times? Or have we become even more backward. Education gave us tools to make this cycle of pain to turn faster. So whats the point of education? Who can really heal our hearts? Who can really understand that all these material posessions are only valued in the eyes of greed. Maybe we do understand but we just choose to ignore. The cycle is spinning too fast for anyone to think of a solution. Everything is so obscured. In murky waters, no one really knows where we are going to. So the blind leads the blind. Are we ever going to surface or drown in the depths of oblivion. When will we ever escape from this maddening cycle of pain? Perhaps im balancing on this thin line of sanity. But what is sanity? how do define it?

Its amazing how movies, songs, tv shows can play with our feelings, driving emotions in us; exorcising the right feelings out of us. They sell these works like pills while viewership & demands escalates. Feeding the masses with pills as they abuse them just so to ascertain their existence as humans, to justify our conscience that they do still have the capacity to love, hate, pain, laugh, cry... But once the experience is over, its back to the cold, hard masks that they wear to work. Its a terrible feeling to be in a struggle. Being pushed around is horrible. Fighting for stability becomes so futile as time passes. My fear & lack of will against nature. My social disability against my inate ability to love. In the attempt of escaping it all, i chose to ignore. Its too disabling to face these challenges. A time like this is like a fault line waiting to make a major shift in my world. Perhaps that explains the abscence of a soul mate. JUst as much as nature programmed in me to have the want to have; to yearn to have someone to love; my lack of confidence extinguishes everything. Perhaps its my wish for a perfect one, a perfect time, a perfect place that makes it impossible to decide on action. After years of emotional struggle, ive learnt to ignore and ive become callous. "Windstruck", however, made me want to make a difference in my life. Perhaps its the beautiful goddess in the movie that arrested my soul breathing new life n drive in my blood. Perhaps its the crazy sappy lovely storyline that touched me, awakening something in me. Something familiar yet unused. Like a new knowledge of something i never knew existed. Such a magical and spellbinding feeling. yearning n wanting wouldnt bring me anything, it wouldnt materialise into something fulfilling, nor anything satisfying. Just like a sheet of paper with a dreamy author holding on to an empty pen. If theres anyone who can teach love, it would have to start off from me. If i refuse to open my heart, how would i be able to understand, how would i be able to receive. We built a city after demolishing nature in the belief for a better life but our hearts are taken away from nature and we forgot about the existence of love. So what if we have what we want but we cant retrieve what was were given to us when we were born? Without love, its pointless. Remedy thy heart... We dont need pills for proof of existence... Reform...

And i'm suffocating, finding a way out of this tower of deception; this inferno of pain. Should I climb down the spiralling steps to seek refuge in darkness where cold hearts lurk and nefarious minds & hearts battle it out for survival? Or should i venture upwards where smoke singes the eyes of innocence, tears of haplessness & despair raining upon the flames, efforts in vain. I wish for changes... a world with no violence a simple world a simple, untainted love for one another a world with no discrimination But as days pass, the world ages, like humans...it becomes corrupted. Wheres that innocence we once had? That cute simple love for one another-Where colours are beautiful. No judgemental statements, No hurting words. Sad.Stoned.Despair. Where can i find sollace?

I wasnt like this. I had dreams. Goals.Ambitions. I was Driven. I was on a road heading nowhere near where I am looking ahead now. Something Killed it in me. I lost it. Now im lost.

Are your dreams in different hues and shades of colours? Or are they mono-toned? I cant remember mine. Perhaps im too focused on the content of the dreams. Can dreams be reflection of our past lives or forecast of imminent events like deja vu and such? Sometimes i cant really tell the difference between dreaming and living. Are you able to control ur dreams? Are we really capable of controlling our lives? Y issit that sometimes things happen so coincidentally, unexpectedly like a clock jumping 2 secs faster? Do you really believe in fate and destiny? If life is really encapsulated within our sphere of imagination and there is no such thing as "physical" but intangible flow of thoughts and ideas where we interact freely forming our own "physical" world, can we tell that? If thats the case, whats the difference between dreaming and living? Even if we are doing things that we think we are doing physically, who is the audience to this techni-colour drama where there are no cuts, no censors, no replay. A drama that goes on playing and playing like an endless marathon. Puppets or not... u decide. [im not living, just wasting time...radiohead]

Oops...sounds familiar? sorry i juz cant get enuff of SoCo. "I woke up in a car" is a really nice song. Somehow it makes me want to jump up everytime i listen to it. And when the part "If i were her, i'd paint my body till all my skin was gone..." flows into my ears, my heart amplifies all of it into an aching yearn for my punk rock princess. Ha..i'm just so virtual-fied. Coining my own words again... shows how aloof i am of this world of tags and codes where everything and anything fits into equations and laws. Well, maybe not exactly true after learning the fact from my physics tutor that Einstein claimed that everything in this world is not constant except the speed of light in vacuum. Shocking?! 1 thing for sure, anything to do with humans can never be consistent Perhaps science & maths is just a distill of humans' desperate want to see everthing simpler. Fitting complex phenomenons into equations. Demolishing the most complex array of beautiful colours in a rainbow into numbers and angles. Schools and instituitions built to brainwash us so that we resolve complexity into simplicity. But its this complexity, this intricate connections (intrinsic or explicit) that link us heart to heart with our environment. This act of demolishment obliterated our innocent love for one another. Viewing things black & white, 1s & 0s, make us judgemental. Why cant we love one another for the sheer fact that we all live together in this world. We are living under one whole universe. The multitude of stars studded across the night sky is a testimony to how far we are from everything. All we have is us. Must be the act of humans to spoil this beautiful harmony in the 1st place. Educate us to intoxicate ourselves into oblivion, into judgemental monkeys. Changing this innocent place into a butchery of hate, violence and coldness. Thank goodness, the element of hope prevails. As we suckle on it, as the days pass, we grow old and return back to innocence.