Psalm 18:20-24 (The Message)

 This year, there are going to be a lot of improvements. 2008 is a year of new beginings.  I'm not tryin to be "Miss Independent", because I already am. I'm not tryin to be, "Superwoman", because I can't save you. I already know who I am, and I'm not tryin to be anybody but that.

 

   When I looked back and saw a re-cap of my life in 2007, i was sick. I thought, "Seriously Taylor?! Girl you are trippin." I was taking my "good girl" role and using it to my advantage. I was being decietful and compromising my integrity. I had made high standards in my life, but slowy i  kept lowering the bar. I realized that if i am who i say i am, this defintely is not it.

 

     So what's a girl to do? I have no place to go but up! I have done  ALOT in my life. I was satisfied with where i was. I was well on my way to accomplish my dreams and i had my stories that i don't think most people my age could say.  This year though, i can't say too much of that happened. I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I was putting myself through unnessecary drama and being my own "blessing blocker". When i had mentioned this to a person, they told me that "i was too up tight and i need to relax and live a little." Meaning: I need to drink, have sex, and  basically lose my morals.  That sounds like life to me! SIKE!

 

      2007 wasn't so bad of a year though.... I made some amazing friends. I did work a lot and made a lot of personal gains and did some major net working which will help me in the future. I had a lot of self satisfactions. HOW SELFISH!!! It was all about me, me, me. Who the heck am I to say i deserve all this. The Taylor i once was, was self sacrificial. This year I wasn't being the Christian God called me to be, and besides my ministry team where i step and dance, I wasn't doing anything to advance the Kingdom.

  

   So this is my goal of 2008. To be the Godly woman God has called me to be.  If you say that I am trying to be, "Hollier than thou", well you are right! God has called all christians to a high standard. We were all called to be "imitators of Christ." He tells us to "be holy as i am holy". So thats what i am going to do. The calling is the same now as it was when 16 years ago when i became a Christain.  There are so many people out there who don't know the Lord and need to feel the love of Christ. I am the hands and feet of Jesus. Praise God that He can use a broken vessle, but He can't use a dirty one.

 

   One more thing i promise to improve is my love life. Haha People that know me are probably sayin, "oh my tay tay!" They have good reason too. lol The deal with that is, last yr i did a lot of compromising...... mhmmm not good i know. I was bending over backwards for the man i was with and pretty  much wearing my heart on my sleeve. How pathetic is that. I was doing everything i knew of to make him happy, but at the end of the day i wasn't happy at all, i was sad and broken. So my new years resolution is not allow a man to have that effect on me. I honestly did love this year.... A man did have my heart. I gave so much of my emotions and so much of my heart, but in the end I couldn't say the same for him.

 

   I took that relationship and realized that the love i was giving for that man, was the type of love that God wanted from me. I wanted to hear his voice everynight, God wanted to hear from me everynight. Just as i wanted him to read what i wrote him, God had a book of love letters that He wanted me to read. Just as I thought i had sacrifical love for him, God's love was a BIGGER and greater sacrifice. And just as i longed for him to want to be with me, God sat there and wanted me to be with Him. So as much as i am still hung up on this one guy and infatuated by him, I am giving my life back to God. He has my heart and I can't wait to see what He has in store with it.

 

   So with 2008 starting, I can't wait to see what lies ahead! Hopefully I will be on in adventure in another country. Hopefully I will be taking my dance to the next level. Hopefully I'll make the best friend in my life. Hopefully i can say that i have found "the one". But whatever it is, as long as God is number one in my life I can say that all my hopes and dreams are gonna be greater, because He is in control!

God Bless!!! 

You know you're a real dancer when....

…you sometimes confuse the studio with your bedroom.
...you have participated in the dance-dust wars.
…you can't listen to the radio without counting out the beats of each song to know what kind of dance it is (samba, rhumba, chacha, ect.)
…you can walk, run, jump, kick, spin, and skip very comfortably in 3 inch heels (girls).
…you can polish a pair of shoes in three minutes flat (guys).
…you watch the show "Dancing With the Stars," but only to make fun of all their mistakes.
…you see a pretty dress and think about how much better it would look covered in Swarovski rhinestones.
…you see a pretty pair of heels and think about how much better they would look covered in Swarovski rhinestones.
…you can't have a fifteen-minute conversation with a fellow dancer without talking about something dance-related.
…you are perpetually aware of your own posture.
…you think of four-hour dance practices as normal.
…blisters and calluses are just a part of life.
…you have forgotten what it feels like to wake up and not be sore.
…a really smooth, hardwood floor makes your heart speed up.
…at least a third of your wardrobe is dance clothes.
…you have owned at least five pairs of fake eyelashes.
…you can apply full stage makeup using only the reflection off the dressing room window as a mirror.
…you almost forget about Christmas because of the big dance competition at the end of December.
…you don't even notice when people step on your toes.
…you laugh at people who lift weights for hours to get in shape---try Samba technique for 30 minutes.
…you get very defensive when people think dance is not a sport.
…you can list at least 5 professional dancers off the top of your head.
…you have seen at least one of these professional dancers perform live.
…you have met at least one of these professional dancers but been too star-struck to say anything even remotely worthy of their greatness.
…it is not unusual for you to see a woman in a dress that could pass for a very shiny bathing suit…..just another one of those Latin dancers.
…you have ever told a guy that all he has to do is stand there while you spin till you puke
…you have ever told a girl that she couldn't do it without you, so stop complaining.
…you know that a standard dancer isn't squat without their "platter" hold and long legs.
…you know that a Latin dancer isn't squat without killer hesitations and hips.
…you choreograph in your sleep.
…reading this makes you want to go practice
... you practice grand leaps in parking lots
... you cannot sit still when you hear music
... while waiting in line or shopping you tap, shuffle, turn
... when asked to do sit-ups, you respond with "no problem"
... when you write dancing first when asked for your hobbies
... you rate music for its ability to make a good tap, ballet, toe, lyrical, or jazz routine
... Your DVD collection is made up of "center stage," "save the last dance," and similar movies
... You start practicing Grand Jetes when you are in a long, empty hall
... You cancel dates because of dance practices.
... You perform calmly before crowds yet suffer anxiety during school tests.
... A new leotard makes your whole day
... You are well coordinated in class but trip over your own feet walking.
... You know a combo to every song that comes on the radio.
... Your body cracks loud enough to stop class but you don't even hear it.
... You have an entire drawer devoted to your old dance stuff.
... You have bigger muscles than the guys @ school.
... Everything you do has to do with dance
... You look for good dance web sites whenever u r online.
... Watching TV is not a time to relax but to stretch
... Before everything you do you say 5-6-7-8.
... You laugh at a non-dancer when they say their feet hurt
... You defend dance with your life when friends make fun of it.
... You don't mind when people tell you your feet stink.
... You have bobby pins on the floor around your whole house.
... You do not think its weird when boys wear tights.
... The first impression people have on you is dance.
... You know most barres aren't in jails
... You can learn the dances to music videos like that (snaps fingers).
... All the things you get for Christmas relate to dance.
... You have ever said "200 sit-ups…no prob."
... Glitter is imbedded in you skin for life.
... You seem at least 5 inches taller to everyone from walking on the balls of your feet all the time.
... The "Simple Life" to you is dance practice 6 days a week, 8 hours a day.
... You practice your leaps and turns down empty aisles in the supermarket.
... You're more comfortable in dance clothes than in your regular clothes.
... Center stage isn't a place, it's home
... You have to ask, "Do you mean class class or dance class?"
... You don't understand when people don't know what plies are.
... You scare people 'cause you kick so high.
... When you hear music, you start counting in series of 8s.
... You can whip up a ponytail in 5 seconds flat.
... You walk around your house in releve to strengthen your calves.
... Everyone at work/school knows you as…"You mean the one who can walk on her toes?"
... Everyone at schools says, "You just have to dance in the talent show."
... You're glad rehearsals are indoors so they never get called off cause of bad weather.
... You carry yourself like a Diva: back straight, head up, long back, shoulders straight.
... You have killer calves
... You carry a screw driver, duck tape and hair spray in your bag for the sole purpose of your shoes and nothing else.
... Dancing is what you do to relieve stress, relax, think, have fun, kill time, procrastinate, etc...
... when more than 3/4th's of the things on this list are completly true about you!!

 

 

 

Back home in chillicothe i never realy had that group of friends. i was always very independent and doing the i needed to do by myself. I was always gone with work, school, touring, dancing or my long trips; so i never really got close to anyone. I was fine with that too becuase i was having experiences most people in their life time will never have. But still i wanted that close group of friends i could fall back on.
Now that im here at Liberty i wanted to find that group of people i know would always have my back. I became a memeber of a step team and dance team through a group called, Bridgin the Gap Urban Ministries (BTG). I only did it just so i could continue doing what i love, dancing. I had no expectations with this group. I figured that i would just go in on practice days, dance, and be done with it; but little did i know. I realized that there were some pretty cool people in this ministry. They didn't try and act like they knew me and they made me feel welcome dispite many differences.
Just within the past few months, the people in this ministry have become more than just friends who perform together, we've become family! It took a lot of us a while to get over our selves and get our act together. But now, we're all on one acorde and closer than ever. There's not really a day when we all don't see each other and hang out.  For real, i think this coming break will be the longest time we'll have spent apart!
But I thank God He got me involved with this group. Liberty would not be the same with out them. I've grown so much spiritually and i can already say that i've made life long friends. I got my AO sistas who are soooo fly! and I got my DFC boyz who got our back. And i got the rest of the ministry and leadership team there too.
Wow... i'm pretty lucky!

Freaking sweet lyrics that my cousin Brock wrote. His band, Forging Generals is the best!! But i think anybody can relate to this situation... it sucks big time... but it's a lesson im glad i learned.

  Let it Go

 

Verse 1:

I remember the times we shared

The memories we had together

We thought it would always last

We thought it would be forever

But our times began to fade

We grew further and further apart

And I could sense it in you

That I did not have your heart

 

Then came that dreadful day

When we stood face to face

I kept waiting for you to tell me

Just what it was you had to say

When you looked into my eyes

And told me how you felt

You forgot to say one thing

That there was somebody else

Chorus:

And it burned me inside

When I found out you lied

And its hard to let it go

Its hard to let it go

And I constantly question why?

The truth was such a crime

And its hard to let it go

And Im not going to let it go

Verse 2:

You thought you could keep him from me

So if things ever fell through

You thought there might still be a chance

That I would be waiting for you

So it becomes too hard to say

The way that we really feel

We worry what the other thinks

Instead of just being real

 

Chorus

 Wow. it's been forever since i've written one of these. so much crap has happened just this year. ok so i'll try to sum it up for all you people.

 I had a great boyfriend named jesse perry. we dated for 6 months! seriously he was amazing and i was totaly in love with him. but due to circumstances, we broke up last week. since i know you're all wondering why, it basically was because he wasn't ready for a serious relationship like i was. so we had to call it quits.... for now..... i hope!

  In December i went to mexico on a mission trip the day after Christmas. it was sooo much fun! Thats where i met Sarah! (CHEWY!!)

 I was in our schools talent show doing a dancing number, and also in the senior class play with a lead role. But i got kicked out of both plays because the directors are gay!!!! Actually, they kicked me out because my Grandpa died! and i missed a rehursal to go to peensylvania for his funeral. talk about stupid.

  So after dealing with that crappy news. I found out that my brother was going to Iraq for 7 months. Mom and I flew to California to see him off. we also go to see Amanda Noah and Alivia!!!! Good news, while we were there we found out that he didn't have to go to Iraq! so we ended up just having a good week long vaction!

 Durring the year 2006, pretty much everyone here who i was close to decided to be duche bags and screw me over. so none the less i was a loner. Jesse was the only person (give or take a few people) that i talked to. It pretty muched sucked!  Eventually i fell into depression, and i'm still trying to get over it. But now i can say, things are looking a lot better.

  I was in our Spring Musical, Beauty and the Beast. I was the Dance captin of the show and i had the part of a silly girl. well i go screwed with that one too. i was supposed to choreograph the show, but no. the same person that kicked me out of the to shows earlier that year, decided to take over the chorography. let me tell you, the show looked like POO!

  I had my final dance recital ever last weekend. and let me tell you, that was sad. i had been dancing there for the past 15 years of my life and now its over!  i shed a tear.

  Then came the part when me and jesse borke up. I felt like everyone had let me down. To be honest, everyone did, even myself. I ended up putting all my problems and trust in other peoples hands, and not Gods. BIG MISTAKE!!! now im learing to trust Him, and things are getting way better already just in this past week! im already feeling better and not so depressed. I can say that im pretty much over jesse too! Though i would totaly go back to him if he even smiled at me, im a sucker like that.

 But i graduate in a few days, and i'm so excited!! I'm starting to become me again and i like it!

My butt is big and round like the letter C and then thousand lunges have made it rounder but not smaller. And that's just fine. It's a space heater for my side of the bed. It's my ambassador. To those who walk behind me, it's a border collie that herds skinny women away from the best deals at clothing sales. My butt is big and that's just fine. And those who might scorn it are invited to kiss it.

 -- i love this nike add!

 

ok so for those of you that know me, know that i can barley hear. I'm not deaf or anyting, i just hear something different. here are juat a few of the many phrases, that i've messed up. "What Isaac, you pet your grandma?"

JON: Don't wear your props. TAYLOR: What? i got food on my shirt?

ISAAC: He can't drain the lizzard. TAYLOR: what? he can't drink the water?

JESSICA W.: so im gonna fly to Massachucets the day after tour.  TAYLOR: You and johnny G are gonna date after tour?!

Then you got my stupid blondeness that kicks in every now and then. I went up to Johnny to let him know that i needed a half a credit of social studies. I told him that i could take geography. see, i ahve no idea where anything is at in this world, so they always make fun of me. but this is what i said to him: "Johnny guess what?! I get to take geography, then i'll know where everything is at. or how a bout world history? maybe even economics, that's farming right?" oh bless!

Then at the church the other day, they were really high-tech. so im in the office with amanda and omar. there is music playing over teh speakers controled in the sanctuary. i didn't know that. but anyways, omar goes up to me and tells me that they have this really cool sound system where if you just shout the name of the song it'll play.so he told me to say anysong. I definitly believed him, because here i am shouting.."Shout to the Lord" he just sat there laughing. aw man.

Oh and we can't forget how clutzy i am. ok durring a concert, it went really bad! Durring Committed to the call i went the wrong way durring my solo, so i got trapped by people durring a transition.on Music in Me, i hit Isaac's mic, out of the thing.and durring the dance break i almost fell over, because i tripped on the carpet! then durring Under the Sun. I dropped my feather boa. then Jon pushed me into a kid! poor boy. umm, i also got wrapped up in a cord and almost fell. then durring Don't look back, im up front and i totaly do the wrong move.

So right now im in Arazonia, it's georgous down here in the south! I only have 1 week left.... =(

 

Tour has got to be one of the funest things ever! there is always something funny and unexspected happening. People are always playing pranks on people or something breaks on stage... there is never a dull moment!

so tonight durring our concert, the power went out durring my solo! (Committed to the Call) it was soo crazy, but i kept going and we ended up finishing! then as the power came on at the end of the show, we were right on beat! That's the second time that its gone out on me! The other time was in Dominican Republic. Then te power went out again! but this time it was durring Kum Bah Ya. It was pretty funny! but we recovered well. Durring that same song, Jamie fell when she was running off stage! it was so funny! i could barly kee from laughing! i mean she ate the floor! A few weeks ago, my AD, Ashley, Fell up the stairs, and man, she was flat on her face! but there was a line of people behind her. She stoped the line of like 10 people! Definitly noticeable! hahaha! but that's what akes the show fun!

Then Stuff breaks.... one of our risers legs broke, so we have to duct tape it each night. one time it came off durring the concert.. when i was sitting on it! Then our projector broke. umm.. a dimmer broke... and one mic broke, so we have to borrow one from the church when we can.

then PRANKS ok. well last night, my friend and I stuck a big ol' toad the size of a softball, in my diector's suitcase! it was nasty!! hahaha, he's gonna get us back though. Then Tonight, before the show. My director scared the crap outta me! He took me into a room and showed me this freaky sculpture, skelton thing. freaked me out. I was jumping! but he got a good laugh. OH! Then a few weeks ago, in Florida, my host home was right across the street from Isaac and Danny's host home. So at about 11:30 at night, i snuck over there and knocked on their window! I sacred the poo outta Isaac. Then they try and scare us an hour later, but to bad, we walked outside and caught them in the act! but then there are a ton of pranks we pull on stage, that only we know about. so it keeps us smiling!

11 days left....... =(