Bitch, bitch, bitch.... thats pretty much what this is, read if you'd like, comments and advice are ALWAYS appreciated!

A very close friend  gave me some very wise advise today. Almost kindergarten shit when you look at it, she said, "You cant fit a square peg into a round whole". The dynamic of my "square pegged-self" working at a "round wholed" boring mundane office job is not something I really saw panning out for very long! Lo and behold, yesterday was the end of my stay at Time Warner Digital Cable. I know I was let go because I wasn't the best I could be there but, I had no passion to be that  there, either! Man, if I had a penny for everytime I yearned to be outside or to be doing something better with my time, rather than telling people we suck and cant do our jobs right, so you're gonna have to wait for your phone install for another two weeks, I would have a whole hell of alot of pennies! Maybe I am being to picky in choosing a career or even worse, I am doing what I think others want for me than just doing what is best for myself! I don't want to look back at my life and regret my decisions. I don't want to look back in even a few years from now and think I could have been so much more, done so much more if I would have just trusted myself! I don't want to tell my mom she was right and the safe way was the best way. Well,so far the "best" way has only brought me back to this same place. ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED! 

I have tried the office thing, that didn't work. At least not in the capacity I wanted it to. I had nice pay but, worked for unhappy, downright evil and shady people. I went to the next office where all the life and light had been sucked outta the people around me, again for ok pay. Guess what, I sucked at both of them!!!!  I could do both jobs, just maybe not as fast or with the "passion" they wanted. I have found if my heart isn't in something I cant do it. If i don't genuinely care about the people I am helping and the work I am doing, I cant do the job well. I can fake it, but don't we all get tired of being something we aren't? SO...now what?

Logically, start out somewhere new. My dilemma is, where? I don't want to go back to some stuffy office job where I lose parts of my soul and hear the spread of my thighs and ass just grow and grow all day. Not that I have ruled out offices all together. If I could kind something of a clerical nature where I was helping people and I loved the people I worked with and for, I think it would be a step in the right direction.

Then there is always the dream. I don't think I am ready for that, not quite. I don't want 15 minutes, I want a whole two or three hours at least!

For now, I will collect my state checks, sit under the bodhi tree and stare at the fork in the road for a bit. I deserve that much, I think.

I will keep you guys posted, thanks for listening! Meanwhile....

P.S. Something positive, I made it into Oojahm Tribal Bellydance for the 2008 Ren Faire Season (First real audition in over 5 years and I got in, hehehehe thats gotta count for something right?) I have loved every minute of it!

It makes the bad so much better! 

(Disclaimer: If you don't care to know about my shitty life and don't want to here me bitch, then don't read this, better yet delete me from your friends because I obviously mean shit to ya.)

Now, on with the show you voyeuristic freaks I call my pals!

You ever notice that when it rains it friggin' pours! Its like one bad thing after another and for whatever reason it ALWAYS comes in three's? I fucking hate two faced, self righteous, egotistical, self indulgent people! It's like some people not only want to wallow in the messes that they have created but want you to feel shitty about it too! What the EFF?! Look, I am sorry you have made your life a personal hell hole but, don't you make me feel like worthless shit too! I am sorry that your life is so friggin chaotic and pointless and you have so much pointless time that your personal goal is to make everyone else that has given two shits about you in your times of crisis the boot.
If you don't like me, don't want me in your life, GREAT just let me know and you will never hear from me again. But don't you EVER make me feel like an idiot for giving a shit when you hit rock bottom!
And I swear to God if I get one more damn effing email, post, or forward about how if I don't respond to your bullshit bulletin I am not your friend, I am going postal on everyone. If people want to question my alliances and my friendships, then you question me, don't put up some sissy ass bulletin whose only real purpose is to further your myspace friends list! And answer yourself this question smart-ass, when was the last time your ass called me? Text messaged me? or myspaced me? Hmmm? I thought so!

Look, I would give my left set of fallopian tubes to help out just about anyone on my friends list if they really needed it! Yeah I said friends list! All 447+ of you guys! Why? Because, at one time or another I knew you, met you, or thought enough about you to put you on this damn thing, so from time to time I can check up on ya and see how shit goes on in your life! Dont make me feel like an asshole for doing so! Whether it be past, present, family or acquaintance! So, just remember if all else fails, if anyone needs a friend or a favor, I am here no questions asked and no payment expected. I wish I knew in my heart it was other way around!

I will be okay I just needed to vent....
Thanks to those who took the time...
Thanks even more to those of you who will have me in your prayers and send good juju my way!
Times get tough, but the only place to go from rock bottom is straight up!
Thanks for the ears and eyes but mostly, thanks for your hearts!
Later Days Guys!
♥

(Man, I cant wait for Haunt to start!)

I was not disappointed! I thought this movie was reminiscent of the old sentimental story lines of the beginning and the crude risqué comedy that so many people are so easily offended by now. This movie wasn't some huge blockbuster with cool effects nor was it some life changing experience, it was simply a funny movie based on a show I have loved since I was 6. The religious and political satire was not dramatic or life affirming, but they were good for a laugh.

As for the wayward parents hesitant to take their children to see this, this movie is not based on a "cartoon" it's a based on an animated sitcom. That's why it's not on the Saturday morning line-up for kids to watch. It has a PG-13 rating for a reason! If you would like to continue to keep your kids sheltered for another few years from homosexual undertones and questioning their faith, take them to see Ratatoullie for a second time, and leave the grown up humor to the grown ups!

Overall Opinion: I loved it and will see it again before the DVD! 

While leafing through all the pages, comments, pics, what have you, found on this site many of us call home, I realized something, There are some seriously tormented fucks on the internet! However with my great epiphany came a much larger question. So, I decided to look for the reasons behind such madness, substance to the anguish, I guess. Much to my surprise ( not really) I found little to no validation for such self-proclaimed mental and emotional disfunction. Now dont get me wrong, we all own our own personal and mental demons I am sure we struggle with on a daily basis, we all claim life has given each of us a tough pill to swallow, but lets think about that, has it? Has life really been that shitty? Simply stated, I can't sit here and truly believe that while we all have the capacity to be here until the wee hours of the morning typing, posting, replying, to all the spittle we divulge about ourselves each day that ones life can be so bad. It's amazing to see all the people that attempt to portray such a defected image about themselves when they obviously have the resources to a computer, digital pictures, and in some cases some pretty extravagant costumes.

Yet we never stop to think that others in this world will never even know what my space.com is, because they are to busy concerning themselves with where they will sleep tonight, or if they will be able to find anything to eat in the next few days.

 The reason I write such an opiniated editorial is because at times I too have been guilty of such heinous and vacuous self pity. Criminal, I know! Fact of the matter is kids, most of us have led quite a charmed life, with no real struggle to speak of. Show me the faces of the casualites of the wars in this world, the charred bodies of the black men burned for the color of their skin, the tears of the mother seeing her husband and sons killed by the salvadorean death squads of the eighties and the survivors of the holocaust.

The fact that your boyfriend cheated on you, your girlfriend is a skank or mommy didnt hug you enough as a kid, is no reason to be suicidal! Thats just life, and we have all been there before. And another question? When did it become cool to be crazy? Lets face it, unless your in a padded cell in a strait jacket, or have dismembered, gutted and stolen the very blood from as many people as Charles Manson, Ed Gein or John Wayne Gacy, your not as crazy as you think! A mental defect is nothing to be proud of, its a state of hoplessness, loss of control and terrible pain, all far from cool.

I dont write this to be mean or spiteful. but, to show you that your life is what you make of it. I have experienced minimal pain in this life when compared to some of the other paths walked in this world. I survived my small illness as a child, my will was strong then and helped me overcome, and sometimes I need to remember that, and realize I did not fight in vain nor did I fight to live in a world lost on the unappreciated. Its not all so terrible, and love whether lost or forgotten, was still there at one point. If you can say, I have my health, my family ( as fucked as they can be sometimes) people and friends that love me, a roof over my head, food in my system and clean clothes on my back, Life doesnt suck that much. Your parents get divorced, were you beat as a kid, or your first love leave you? SO WHAT! You and only you have the power to change what is wrong in your world. Don't look at what you dont have in this world, look at what you do have, and teach others to do that same!

I GOT THE CHICKEN POX, POX FROM A CHICKEN!!!!!

Yeah, I got a second graders disease, I got pox everywhere, my face, my back, my arms, my legs and other places where calamine lotion shouldn't go!

I have been at home in bed for the last week because I contracted the chicken pox! From some disease infested child no less! Thanks so much to all of you have called and text messaged to see how I was doing. I am a purpley scabby mess but that is not gonna stop this little scab from seeing Rage Against the Machine this weekend at Coachella! So if your off to Indio this weekend I will see you there! BTW, apparently there is a vaccine for this horrid disease so if you have never had them go and get it or rub yourself on me while you still can! Like some lady rubbed her baby on me when I was picking up my prescription....stop laughing, I am not kidding, that really happened! Some ladies toddler came over to me and grabbed on to my leg and as she was picking the child up she rubbed said toddler on my tummy! She said better now then when she was older! *sigh*

See you in the desert!

So, I guess you all have noticed my appearances at the mouse have been few and far between lately, at best...when I AM there, allot of people say, I thought you left? or Hey, long time no see! Or my favorite is, Are you new? Well from now on my appearances will be no more! My last day is this Sunday July 16th (Max Sun Plaza!). I have acquired what we all know as a "grown -up" job! I work for a licensee of Body Glove snorkeling products, Chapman Walters Intercostal or CWIC. I really enjoy my little desk job, decorating my cubicle, and e-mailing all day! which I thought would never be me! I dont want to leave but, I have to do what in the long run will benefit me, and after allot of fighting with scheduling, phone-calls to managers, and allot  of call-outs, I was put into a position where I had to make a decision, and so I regretfully must depart the Disney. I wish you all the best, and thank you all for making my time at Disney so magical and so much fun! There are very few jobs as unique as ours kids. I mean that with all the sincerity in my heart! We truly do make magic and memories that last a lifetime only a small fraction of people can say that! So, when it's hot and the unwashed our practically devouring you for a scribble on a piece of paper just take a deep breath remember that little girl that delicately kissed your nose and said I love you. The kid that called you his hero, or the mom that actually had polite kids. And if all that is to mushy for you just remember youre getting paid! Thanks again guys, I will miss you and will keep all the memories I made with you guys very close to my heart! From my very first day training with Esrin in Town Square as Chip under the tutelage of Mark Haxton and Will Phelps to well...Goodbye- Mickeys Garden, my little pop-up carrots, *ding* cue-the shadow boxing, and dont forget to wake up Crystal in the barn or I can just pull a kid up from the audience on stage to play Mickey! Goodbye- Goofys Beach Party, remember to jump shout-well except when its Code 90! Mickeys Detective School- Pluto is under the desk, and I cant see a thing cause of these damn sunglasses! Minnies Christmas Party-Yay! For sleigh-rides and falling off stages in snow men costumes! Reindeer Roundup- I dont know about you, but those marionettes scared me! The Alice Unit- Thanks for the memories and giving me the funnest birthday I have ever had at work last year- Love, Baron Von Fluffybottom (even though Logan let me borrow that!)  And my favorite- Falling OUT of my Gideon feet while doing a walk over from Fantasyland to ham house with Pinocchio and Geppetto( you know who you are) laughing the whole way!   And all the other countless funny moments that I will never forget no matter how hard I try! J/kSo, to make a long story longer, see you on myspace! And if not, you have my number, lets go hang out!!! Peace out- yo!