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As one of my jobs, I work at a certain dog boarding kennel.  Yes, it is great playing with dogs all day, but I also have to clean up after them.  One of my principal duties is spraying down the "runs" (otherwise known as cages) with disinfectant. 

Everyday it is the same routine; I let the dogs out, pick up their bedding and replace it, and then I begin spraying out the runs with a power washer.

One day, I noticed a spider on the floor.  It was a brown recluse!  Ahh!  Those things will make you swell!  I knew it could be dangerous for the unfortunate dog who had to share space with such a poisonous creature.  So, I let him have it.  I doused him with a good helping of the high pressure disinfectant ...

As I pride myself on the occasional cheesy pun, I said to myself, Hehe this cleanser is not just for disinfecting, but also ... disINSECTing.  Oh man!

Just as my sides were splitting, just as I was ready to pat myself on the back, just as I was about to call everyone I knew to tell them about my clever play on words, something happened, I realized ...

Blast, I said to myself.  Spiders are arachnids!

Recently, never-before-seen footage of the band Third Class has surfaced. Of unknown origin, this brilliant rock-doc has been edited down from over 23 hours of raw footage to bring to you 13 minutes of in-depth discussion of what is arguably the most ingenious and innovative album ever recorded by the group.

After two years in the dark, this footage sees the light of day--and you too will be enlightened when you see what insight the smartest members of the group provide concerning Chloe's Epitaph is Chloe.


Check out this video: Chloes Epitaph Is Chloe (The Rock Doc)

Gary:

Hey.  I was just about to fall asleep last night when I thought of an idea for one of your comics.  I know you're retired, but this gem might just make you reconsider.

Okay, so there's two elephants and one is dressed up as a mouse.  The other one looks startled.  The caption reads.  "Harvey tries to cure Ed's hiccups."

I really think this fits your sense of humor.  Feel free to use it in one of those calendars.

Jack

in no particular order

pepe
lee
steve
chrissy
derek
karen
eric
marshall
andrew
...
ah who am i kidding, i dont have fifty friends

Its 613... in the AM. Boy my Geology field trip was cool. In fact, hows about I give you the run through: 515am I wake up to two alarm clocks to make sure I can get up. I take a shower. 530am I'm out of the shower. I check my email-nothing. I get out the two bagels that i skipped lunch so i could buy at the coffee shop yesterday. I eat, and drink a full throtle. 547am I roll a cigarette and leave for Scovel (the geology building), where i have to be at 600am to leave for my field trip. 553am I realize ive walked halfway there without my notebook, and since i need my lab worksheet, i quickly run back to my room. 555am I'm on my way again--power walking in the rain with a cigarette in my mouth. 600am I arrive at Scovel, see the vans that we're going to go in--but no one's outside and we should be leaving. 601am I run inside to find the people of my sedimentology and stratigraphy class standing around my profs office eating donuts. They turn around and say, "it's 601 we were just about to leave without you." Then i look at the wall and read a sign that says, "Sedimentology field trip canceled due to the rain, that jack had to run through to get here 1 minute late, hah hah hah you fuckers!" ---or something along those lines. 611 I get back to my room and write an entry about being pissed that our field trip is canceled. 626 I finish the entry