I always find it weird to find myself at home again. Here I am, in the house I grew up in, and yet I just don't know what to do with myself. I love my family, but at the same time...it's difficult to come back to all of it. Of course, it was easier when Bear was still around...I'd come home for my baby...but since I had to put him down last Easter...it hasn't been the same. I don't want to come home anymore.
While I was here, though, I was going through a lot of the crap that I left here. I tried to take as much of my stuff that I could up to college - and I must say that I succeeded overall, with the exception of some of my books and stuffed animals. However, since I have a lot of books in Gainesville, there really is no need for all the books that I left here - especially since they're *technically* not mine - they're the family's.
Amazing how my closet is full of the family's books.
Anyhow...so, going through everything, I came across a couple of the articles I write for the last issue of The Predator my senior year. I worked my ass off on that godforsaken newspaper for two years, doing everything in my power to make it as good as I could. My editorial writing was my favorite part of it - and I know that it was good, because I wouldn't have gotten 2nd place in the Palm Beach Post awards had it not been.
Anyway, the two articles I'm about to post are very important to me. I guess that's why I still keep them.
Reflections of a senior
It seems like just yesterday I came to Boca High as a freshman, yet suddenly here I am, the big bad senior on the verge of graduating. After I walk across the stage on June 1, the world as I know it will change.
I'm not complaining about the change - make no mistake in that. Change is a good, necessary aspect of life. However, looking back across my years in these halls, I really wish that I had spent more time enjoying the opportunities within.
As a freshman, I wish that I had cared more about the future. At that stage though, I couldn't even see myself going to college. High school was just a place to go to satisfy my parents. There was no reason to try in school nor to become involved. Sure, I didn't fail any of my classes, but I didn't have the best grades. I refused to put effort into my clases, slacked off on doing homework and slept a lot. The only good thing about freshman year was the fact that I was extremely well-rested. However, freshman year is a very important year. you can be involved in school clubs, rack in community service hours, maintain good grades and not wory about missing a couple of hours of sleep. The workload of a freshman is easy, even in the hardest classes offered - believe me, I took them. Sometimes I wish that I had used freshman year to its fullest potential and started building a strong academic resume with the free time I had.
As a sophomore, I wonder what it would be like if I had actually gone through with any of my plans. I could see myself going to college - leaving the state, if at all possible; nothing set the limits except for myself. However, I planned on completing the community service I needed to do so that I could focus on other important things in the years to come... Yeah, it didn't happen. One thing led to another and community service was just never convenient. Life was still very important at that stage - I lived for the now, not for the future. I wish I had realized how important the chances I had as a sophomore were. I wish I had been a doer, not a dreamer.
As a junior, I became involved in various clubs and activities. I began volunteering every weekend, racking in the hours. I took challenging courses and sought to better myself intellectually. I found out that I have horrible time management skills. If I had used time wisely in freshman and sophomore years, perhaps I would have acquired them. I rarely slept - I always had something that I was responsible for doing. Junior year was chaotic - the lost opportunities had to be made up. The most important year of high school is junior year - when you can build yourself up and get everything ready for college applications next year. I wish that i wasn't such an inherent procrastinator; maybe then I would have straightened out my priorities.
As a senior, I have had to deal with the mistakes I made the other three years. When the year began, I still didn't have any time management skills. I worked; I took extremely hard classes; I became incredibly involved (I have a leadership role in two of my activities); I started to go insane. It was despairing, actually. Everything in the world kind of slapped me in the face about October and I honestly contemplated just leaving in December and going to FAU. I procrastinated about sending out college applications when I should have been on top of it all. It wasn't that I didn't know they were there, it's just I didn't want to deal with the future. Nothing that I did ever seemed good enough; beneath my procrastination, there is a stubborn perfectionist who can never measure up to her own standards. I never slept, as a senior. I just didn't have time for it anymore. I'd sleep for four hours, and that's the average of what I'd get on a school night. the friends, who were so important before, vanished - I didn't have time to go out anymore.
Perhaps, if I hadn't slacked, I would be able to sleep and see friends once in awhile. If I had taken hold of the myriad possibilities available to me at Boca High, my life would be more fulfilling now than ever before. But I didn't.
Maybe I should say there's a moral to this story, but there isn't. I can't force you to look at the future and see if you know what you want for your life - I heard the same spiel when I was an underclassman. I never really listened though. All there is here is an experience captured; use it for your benefit or throw it out.
I really don't believe in regretting anything I've ever done - every experience captured is a very important learning experience. I know the tone of the article sounds regretful - while I meant every word of it, I wouldn't have changed how everything went for the world. (Hell, not even for getting some Z's - and that says a lot.) As a note, I still don't have time management skills when it comes to classes and I don't know that I'll ever really develop those. It's sad when there's so little school left and I'm still doing the same things I've been doing for years...
Treasure the flame of life
For you'll never know when it'll be snuffed out
Life is a candle: bright, burning and fleeting. Sometimes reality is forced harshly upon us, showing us how mortal we realy are. The unfortunate death of Ana Marie Angel is one of these times.
The 18-year-old senior and her boyfriend were celebrating their fifth month anniversary. They decided to go to South Beach, to enjoy a nice dinner and take a romantic stroll by the ocean. On their walk, the happy, unsuspecting couple was accosted by mindless violence. The boyfriend put up a struggle when they were abducted from the beach at gunpoint; he was stabbed by the group and thrown out of the car, left to die. He survived though; a driver passing by brought him to the hospital and he is slowly recovering. Angel, however, was missing for several days until her body was found off of I-95; she had been sexually violated and shot to death.
They were happy, probably holding hands, enjoying life. Some idiots snatched that happiness away from them. Angel had a full life ahead of her and now, instead of graduating, she is buried.
Unfortunately, they were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Fate dealt them a cruel hand when they ran into their attackers on the beach. However, they could have been anyone.
Think about it. Mindless violence plans no victim. A random person or group is singled out of the crowds, not for any particular reason.
There are psychos in this world who know no self-restraint and will follow every single impulse they have. Crimes and murder happen like this every single day; in fact, statistics show them to happen every couple of seconds across the United States.
Who is to say that it won't happen to you, me or someone you know?
Life can be taken from you at any second. Someone who you don't even know may just randomly destroy what potential you have in life, blow out that bright flame before it's done.
If it's your fate, you cannot avoid it. Though we may try to be cautious, sometimes all the caution in the world makes no difference.
That doesn't mean that we should just throw our lives away and assume that we will be singled out for assault. We can't just stop living because we are afraid of the world. There are many malicious people out there, true, but we can't just crawl into a hole, hide and hope that they never find us.
Instead, what we should do is nurture the flame of life. We should live every day and every second like it's our last and be ungrateful for nothing. Life is a gift and though someone may take it away, that doesn't mean that we should dwell on the horrible possibilities. We should love and appreciate every moment of life, because who knows how long it will really last?
I wish I could say that the world will someday become a happy place with no crimes of any sort, but I don't live in that type of fairy-tale world. Death is a part of life and someone may play a part in causing the inevitable. However, that's all the more reason to enjoy life and its pleasures. It's a good reason to be grateful for this gift which can be so extremely fleeting.
Angel will never be forgotten by the people who knew her and an important lesson has been learnt by all: appreciate what you have while it's still there.
And, even though you may not have known her, it's a lesson you should realize too. You can't hide from the world; the only thing you can do is love every moment you are a part of it.
I still don't know why exactly I felt like posting those editorials. Perhaps because it's far more personal than anything I dare say I've posted on this website. Perhaps it's to see that the way I choose to look at the world really hasn't changed at all in four years. *shrugs* I don't know.
On a different note, I should go get ready for the day. It's amazing how lazy I become when I go home and have nothing planned to do... *chuckles*
L<3ve Always,
Marie