- The Wachowski Brothers' directing skills.

- The arguement whether this most expensive ad ever is real or "CGI-enhanced."

- UMNO leaders' blog.

- The overly long, hyperstylized, Persian-inspired Malay names.

- People who aren't interested with Iron Man movie.

- That any local western restaurant should kick ass.

- The incoherency of most animes.

- Croc shoes.

- www.tunteddy.blogspot.com

- Restaurant employees just standing around, posing.

- People who kill their children and then kill themselves instead of just killing themselves

- The usage of word "retarded" to describe something sucks.

- C.S. Lewis

- That people are only NOW starting to realize what an evil Omnipresence Oprah Winfrey is.

- People behind you who feel compelled to scoot past you if the car in front of you breaks down without letting you go first.

- Proton BLM's ass.

- Teenagers these days.

- The overblown Hujan.

- Minister visits (to my local town at least).

- Car insurance payment.

- People who recoil when you mention there's a book for No Country for Old Men.

- People who can't take jokes and use "maturity" as an excuse.

- The whole Tun Mahathir/Pak Lah "feud". Asshole meets assdick.

- The lack of alien evidence even with all this awesome science.

- Siti Nurhaliza's AF-resident, crybaby elder sister.

- When you hear a tune you love and it becomes apparent you're hearing the sample of it used in a new song.

- Nazri's natural good look.

- Friends you realize you've wasted years on and with.

- How fast hair grows back in certain areas. Especially down under.

- Stingrays getting such a bad rap.

- Not knowing someone has Down's Syndrome even you've been knowing him since... I dunno, birth?

I dare you fuckers to watch this scene and not liking it. I dare you fuckers to hell!

Anak Halal is not the worst movie of the year. After some early bad words, that's going to disappoint some people – myself included – but that doesn't mean it's a good movie. It's not even an OK movie. Anak Halal is, more often than not, terrible – but in a watchable way. A huge part of that comes from Zul Huzaimy, who is making acting choices that leaves you to wonder if he knew he was in this particular movie. Then halfway through the movie you realize that he actually knows exactly what movie he's in – it's everyone else involved in the production who is delusional.*

Produced by Tayangan Unggul, Anak Halal is a movie that could only have happened now, mostly because the movie deals with street violence and drugs at the very visceral level – thanks to our censorship that has lighten up a bit these couple of years. But no thanks to the U rating, the film doesn't have no real brutality either, except for few gun shots, stabs and... well, that's about it (which always being played in ultra slo-mo way). But the film mostly managed to make us feel the wildness, and it would have been nice to see all these things used in a better film.

A better film would have started off without a script by Osman Ali, a man who we all once thought could be THE director we Malaysian had been looking for. The dialogue often sounds like it was written by a middle-schooler, and the movie is also infused with the kind of contrived plot that would appeal to that sort of audience. In fact, Anak Halal is very much a movie for 15 year olds that feels like it was made by a 15 year old. I think that even 17 or 18 year olds will feel too old for what passes as cool or dark in this edge of camp movie, including bad guys who look like even gayer take offs on The Warriors villains, a love story that never threatens to get too gooey or too sexual, and a central hero who shows up inconsistently and doesn't do very much but cussing.

It's the lack of interesting characters that makes this movie flop. Maya Karin's character I guess is more fascinating on paper than she is on screen, and even when the story is focus on her the movie doesn't give her shit to do. There are few side characters – the "friends" characters – and the relationship between the protagonists and them are perfunctory at best. The friends make fun with our heroes, our heroes react, the scene is over. I am not even exaggerating here – the longest relationship build-up scene in the film isn't even that long, but it includes part of a mouth fight regarding selling drugs via burger and an extraneous confrontation with our heroes that involved chair-throwing to beef it up a little bit. These friends don't even feel real, by the way – the only decent character is Adi Putra's character (the drug-dealing burgerian) who is so inherently dumb, it's engaging.

I wouldn't have minded the flat characters if the movie had moved, but at about two hours the entire proceeding drags along. Sure, Zul Huzaimy's outré choices as the main villain amuse… for a while. But the film keeps stuttering, building up to what seems like something interesting and then petering out, giving us long scenes of exposition and padding. The worst part involves Fasha Sandha's junkie character. Not only the character isn't appealing, she's terrible – utterly wretched, in fact – and woefully miscast** as a trouble rich teenager who occasionally comes across as retarded. She gets far too much screentime, but I guess no actresses could have made the long stretches of the supposedly main plot more palatable.

There are a couple of moments in the film where I thought it could go someplace. The drug subplot which becomes the main plot once or twice (weird innit?), played as more about showing than just telling, which is interesting. There's a fun scene where Adi Putra's character is forced by Zul Huzaimy to taste some of his own medicine (i.e. cocaine) right from his fucking gun chamber – and since he turns into an addict as well as a dealer, things get hairy quickly. But again and again the movie approaches interesting concepts, flirts with them, and then moves on.

The movie often looks nice – Osman Ali occasionally embraces a real set aesthetic that I really like, but this just means he should be shooting movies for better directors. And he definitely should not be writing anything – the holes in logic and common sense in this film are almost enough to teeter Anak Halal into the "so bad it's good" category. Tragically, it stays on the "so bad it's just pretty bad" side of the fence, even though Zul Huzaimy (yet again) seems to understand how utterly ridiculous everything around him is. If he had been able to just get Rosyam Nor or Fauzi Nawawi to match him in a scenery chewing contest, Anak Halal could have been our very own Battlefield Earth. Instead it's just a little bit better than KL MenJerit, a movie that kids who are pre-adolescent today will defend to the death in twenty years, the way too many people my age defend crap from their youth.

*Especially Farid Kamil who seems to believe he's in for something real, deep and epic.

**This bitch has been miscasted so much I wonder if there's any role she could play at all.

Kami, the new TV show from the production that brought you Gol & Gincu (Red Communications) is an utter fucking piece of shit! I still cannot believe how bad this show is. The concept and the theme songs by Meet Uncle Hussain are awesome - everything in the show is crap. The acting is horrendous, with Nas-T channeling Bob Goldthwait (and perhaps having eaten him), the direction is either helmed like a Wong Kar-Wai wannabe film or just laughable (those gig scenes are just poorly shot) and the non-linear approach is worse than stupid - it's actually boring.

Fuck you Red Communications, Liyana Jasmay, Juliana Evans, Fariza Azlina, Effendi Mazlan, Mikon, Sister In Islam, etc.

Forest Whitaker is kind of a hero to all us not so slim guys. We, the overweight; we, the semi-goofy looking; we, the grumpy. He is the one who shows us that dreams can come true – he won an Oscar for Best Actor last Monday in case you're living in some cave – for the fat guy. I mean, it doesn't hurt that he's an amazing actor, but who would look at that guy's weight and say "leading man"? Thank God some people have.

Now the question is, why the hell does he not have a 20 million paycheck per film? Can the average guy only get so far by getting just the golden statue – just like Phillip Seymour Hoffman last year? Can they not be placed in Hollywood's most exclusive club a la Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks? Why the fuck not? Fuck those Hollywood peeps and their nice suits.

With the exception of comedians, I think the roly-poly dudes have been getting some more coverage lately, though. It started with Marlon Brando during the 90s', which made him one of the fattest actor of all-time. James Gandolfini is not so fit either. And have you seen Paul Giamatti? That guy is one flabby dude. Again, great actor, but not exactly Brad Pitt.

I say now is the time for the fat guys to stand! Stand and remind the world how awesome we are! Rubben Studdard! Lam Suet! Fairul Nizam Ablah! UNITE!